7 Choices to make to have great relationships; 8 choices for SUPER GREAT

1) Always stay in forgiveness and not hold onto grudges. Expect that your partner/spouse/friend will let you down and not meet your expectations from time to time. Offense blocks reactions of love, kindness, peace, joy, and patience.
2)
Be thankful for the strengths and abilities of your partner. It is easy to focus on what you don’t like.
3)
Be committed to one another. Genuine commitment is to be wholly focused on what is best for your partner and what will strengthen the relationship.
4)
Communicate complete thoughts. My husband says, preferably in the same room and fully dressed is best. When you ask what the other person is thinking, do not react negatively to their thoughts, but ask questions to understand better.
5)
Resolve conflicts using the Pen Method. The person holding the pen explains their perspective and logic. Then hand the pen to the other person, and they reflect on what they heard you say and explains their perspective and rationale.
6)
Create a relationship vision or mission statement. Ask yourself and each other this question: “How do I want our relationship to be in 5, 10, 15, or 30 years. Write out a plan to accomplish your vision or mission.
7)
Work through past issues, so your reactions and expectations are not controlled by your past.
8)
Make the Lord and the Word of God priority in your life and relationships. Remember that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, so if you want to be wise, then God needs to be your source.

I came up with these eight choices as I reflected on my marriage and why it is super great. I am not saying that we don’t have issues from time to time, but it’s how you handle the inevitable problems.

I heard that a marriage is only as healthy as the weakest person. I was that weak person in my marriages. My choices in how I reacted to issues were very harmful and destructive. The discovery of healing my past through memory transformation and reprogramming parental programming set me free to make healthy choices. Today, the choices I make when negative issues arise are more loving and patient. For a good example, read my blog called “Disrespect, Unworthiness, and Failure: What do they have in common?”

I found that forgiveness and thankfulness was the key to a loving relationship. To forgive and to be thankful was only possible as my painful memories and parental programming were transformed and healed. Read about how this is done in my book listed in the right-hand margin, begin with chapter one to understand the scientific and spiritual theory of healing.

Each person is to focus on transforming and healing their own negative issues. For example, even though my husband has not yet dealt with his past issues, I still can react in a healthy, stable way with love and not condemnation and disrespect. It actually feels great not to be controlled by anger anymore.

Try the above eight choices to have super great relationships.

Author: Joyce Holzman Hanscom

I am working with the women in the county jail to transform their painful memories and negative heart issues so they can make good decisions. I am also a Sunday School and Bible teacher, trained initially as a computer science teacher.

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