How to Respond to Criticism

Is your response to criticism healthy? Why do you get angry or sad when you feel criticized? Most people think mental health issues are anxiety and depression, which is true. Your mental health also shows in how you process criticism, disagreement, or an argumentative person. A mentally healthy person responds in two ways: they either reflect and accept or dismiss and ignore. Getting angry, defensive, and taking it personally is not healthy. I explained in a previous post how to build emotional resilience when facing disappointment, hurt, or loss. In this post, I will explain how to respond to criticism, disagreement, and arguments, which is the same process.

• Acknowledge your disappointment that someone is upset or disagrees with you.
• Capture unhealthy thoughts that lead to strong emotions. Pray and give them to God.
• Admit your hurt feelings, such as not feeling validated or feeling unloved and rejected, and so on. Recognize that you are offended and resentful. Pray.
• Identify wrong beliefs. Wrong beliefs control your emotions and actions, so identifying and replacing them with correct beliefs will help you transition from feeling emotions to thinking rationally.
• Be aware of strong feelings that lead to sinful actions or hurtful words.

Why We Don’t Like to Be Criticized.

I don’t know anyone who likes to be criticized or disagreed with. Why? Deep down, we want people to think well of us and tell us how great we are. We want to be validated. Remember, validation is seeking approval from others to affirm that you are acceptable and worthy. So, when you don’t feel validated or approved, you will feel rejected and often angry.

If you have been reading my posts, you know I had a new supervisor who did not like me. She told another employee that she hated Christians, and she knew I was a Christian. I trusted God and allowed the adversity she caused me to make me more like Christ. She even fabricated my evaluation to make me look bad, which was supposed to be filled out by the professors I worked with. Previous evaluations were great, with some suggestions for improvement. This supervisor also manipulated other professors to say negative things about me. They felt terrible later when they found out what was happening. She had a lot of childhood trauma and was very angry. God used this situation to help me work through my childhood trauma, and I submitted my painful memories to God to heal. I identified many strongholds that controlled my reactions and tore them down with God’s help. I am now thankful that God put me through that difficult time so I can be free.

Why I Took Criticism Personally.

I wanted to please others to gain their admiration and respect, which is rooted in pride. Some of us will argue our point of view and demean those who disagree with us, which is often driven by pride. Do you think you must be correct and no one should disagree with you? Yep, pride. Prideful people are emotionally draining. During my ordeal with the new supervisor, God showed me I had a spirit of pride. When people criticized me, my pride would tell me, “They had no right to blame me or tell me I am wrong or bad; I do great work.” My pride would get angry when someone dismissed my idea or suggestion. My pride would get hurt when someone disagreed with me. Pride is very destructive because it is inward-focused. Humility does not take criticism or disrespect personally. The spirit of pride was rooted in my childhood traumas. As you read the following Scripture, ask God to search your heart and mind and show you what is in them. Responding to criticism well depends on meekness and wisdom.

James 3:13-18 – Wisdom from Above

13) Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct, let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.

14) But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.

15) This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

16) For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

17) But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

18) And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Two Ways to Respond to Criticism.

First, consider the source. Is the person being respectful, gentle, and kind in explaining a problem they see? Do you respect that person as having integrity? Do they offer improvement suggestions? If yes, then prayerfully reflect on what they are pointing out and suggesting.

Second, some people are argumentative, critical, and disagreeable because they are hurting inside. They may have childhood issues from being criticized and discounted by family or teachers. This kind of criticism should be ignored and not taken personally. Often, people reflect their insecurity and pride by criticizing or arguing. Getting defensive and arguing back only empowers the other person. The best way to handle this kind of person is to say thank you and walk away. You cannot reason constructively with a person who is acting out of their wounded soul.

Here is a helpful article I found: How to Handle Criticism Gracefully: 12 Pro Tips.

If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com. The Victory Plan helps you to have a healthy mindset.

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website. 

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.  

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts. 

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.  

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.