Do you realize how often you have conflicts with people? This week, I had the opportunity to practice having a healthy conflict with a church member. We live in a world with inconsiderate people, including ourselves, so we have many opportunities to practice healthy conflicts. I was amazed at how often my husband and I conflicted on various issues.
I want to add one more healthy practice to the Victory Plan: When you feel emotional about a situation, do not address the issue with the person at that moment. Do not send a text or email while you are emotional because you can’t take back your words. Please refer to my post titled “How to Develop Emotional Resilience.” Romans 12:17-18 states, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” The Apostle Paul gave this mandate to us, which seems impossible, but all things are possible with God (Matt 19:26). Continually praying will help you become emotionally healthy because as soon as you are disappointed or offended, you will give it to God before it turns into resentment.
Conflict at Church
I didn’t attend the church workday. My husband told me that they removed items from the storage closets and the storage room. I found that my Armor of God props had gone missing. I’ve previously disagreed with the custodian concerning his lack of appreciation for things I considered important. He thought the props were never used, so he got rid of them. He didn’t think to ask or put them in my classroom to see if I still wanted them. I became offended because they were on the top shelf and did not bother anyone. He cleared out everything but the toolbox, leaving all the shelves empty. Why? I was disappointed and annoyed.
My husband said he saw some swords and helmets in the donation trailer, but the trailer was locked. I found the person responsible and asked him for the key so I could look for my props. He said they weren’t in the trailer. That is when I should have walked away, because I got emotional and blurted out, “Did you throw them away?” In a huff, I walked past some people who observed the interaction. I prayed and went through the victory steps to deal with my emotions and quickly calmed down. The items are replaceable, and though I was disappointed and annoyed, I didn’t need to be resentful toward the person. Remember, everything we do is to be done in love (1Cor 16:14).
Recognizing continued conflict.
When you go to bed, do you mentally rehearse how you have been wronged? Do you imagine what you should have said or done, or will say, or do to the person who offended you? Not everyone can understand this because they go to sleep as soon as their head hits the pillow. Before going to sleep, I mentally replay my day, plan the next, and sometimes rehearse conflicts. If you struggle to go to sleep because you can’t stop thinking about a conflict, you need to go through the steps in the Victory plan. I have them memorized because disappointment happens all the time. 1Peter 3:10-11 states, “For ‘Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.’”
Forgiving and Resolving the Conflict
That night, I could not sleep; I was still very upset about how inconsiderate he was. He didn’t think he did anything wrong. But I had to forgive him. As soon as I forgave him, I could go to sleep. A day later, I texted him apologizing for showing my frustration with him. I said I forgive him and explained it was only replaceable stuff. He voiced his frustration concerning the women’s absence on the cleanup day. He gave me an ultimatum that within 30 days, I had to clean out the children’s program supply closets in the storage room. I got hot again, but I immediately went through the emotional resilience post’s victory steps and calmed down. Colossians 3:13 states, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Let’s be honest, some people are hard to bear and forgive.
That evening at church, I decided to thank him for all his great work around the church and for wanting to make the church less cluttered. Remember, everyone wants to feel appreciated and valued. Conflict resolution starts with thanksgiving not complaining. While I was in a meeting with two other ladies, who work with the children, I saw him bring all my Armor of God props into my classroom. I was grateful. Then I asked him to show me and the two other ladies what closets he wanted us to clean out and what his issue was with the closets. This made him feel heard and valued. I requested an extension beyond 30 days; he granted it, limiting it to one year. He felt valued, and we weren’t under his ultimatum.
Conclusion
Conflicts occur more often than you realize, so you must learn how to remain at peace with everyone and not return an insult for an insult. 1Peter 3:9 states, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” When you exchange resentment with forgiveness and complaining with thankfulness, you stay in peace and give a blessing. Remember, we all create conflicts, and no one will meet your expectations perfectly.
If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com. This Victory Pan helps you to have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.
May God bless you richly as you live in peace with everyone.
RELATED POSTS
How to Have a Healthy Argument or Conflict
How to Recognize and Eliminate Emotional Cancer
How to Dig up the Unforgiving Belief to Grow in Love
How a Pure Heart is a Godly Heart
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