How to transform the Helpless Belief with Self-Control

Do you know someone who said they couldn’t help themselves? Is there someone in your life that has a compulsive issue? For many years I had an anger problem that I could not control. I was angry for most of my life because of the angry home I grew up in. I felt helpless to control my feelings and behavior. I said hurtful words to my precious family. I had to change, but how? You may not have an anger problem, but maybe it is a spending problem or a pornography issue.

This post is the last post on transforming unhealthy beliefs series. I have exposed many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality. My website is about changing false viewpoints to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior.

Where Does the Helpless Belief Come From?

The helpless belief is closely related to the “I can’t” belief. If you haven’t read that post, you can read it here. The helpless belief is programmed into our brains from the memories of feeling helpless. Maybe you couldn’t control your behavior which created a painful memory. Or you couldn’t control the events in your life, so you gave up.

When a child is not disciplined for out-of-control behavior, such as laziness, manipulation, lying, temper tantrums, etc., that becomes part of their character. Controlling behavior issues are very hard to reprogram, but with God’s help, you can change automatic reactions.

For example, on New Year’s Eve, I played games with my family. I had an automatic reaction of throwing a fit when I felt someone was not being kind to me. I felt helpless to control my reaction, and it was embarrassing. If you have the same problem, go through the steps to overcome unhealthy beliefs below.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts. Don’t accept that you are helpless to change.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and out-of-control decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth that God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:

—  With God’s help, I can be self-controlled and resist temptation, and I can say no to ungodliness and worldly desires. Titus 2:12; Pr. 25:28

—  When I am self-controlled, I am temperate, worthy of respect, and sound in faith, love, and perseverance (I do not quit). Titus 2:2

Conclusion: If haven’t seen the other posts in this series, check them out.

How to Dig up the Unforgiving Belief to Grow in Love

How to Convert Pridefulness to Gentleness and Humility

How to Diminish the Distrust Belief to Enlarge Trust

Diminish the “Self-centered” Belief to Expand Goodness (Other-centered)

How to Decrease Fairness Belief to Increase Patience

How to Weed out the Protection Belief and Grow Kindness

How to Eliminate the “My Way is Better” Belief to Sustain Peace


How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

Self-control and Maturity

1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Finding Unhealthy Beliefs Along the Paths of Life – Hiking Lessons Part Two

All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, The information is copyright protected, and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Check out my first book on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think.

If you read my book and find it helpful, please leave a review. Also, if you want to do a Bible study with it, email me and ask for a free PDF of the leader’s guide. Contact me at

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Author: Joyce Holzman Hanscom

I teach incarcerated women in the county jail about how to discover a new reality for their lives. Discovering a new reality is achieved when you heal emotions from painful memories and transform negative heart issues. When false beliefs are transformed by truth, then you can love from a pure heart and make wise decisions.

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