How to Keep Our Hearts Pure, Loving, and Tender Toward the Lord, Part 6 —

Grace For The Journey Before we were saved our heart was hard and cold toward God. We wanted many things, even sinful things, but not God. We felt little affection for Him and had no interest in the things of God. But God wants to have an affectionate relationship with us. So when we […]

via How to Keep Our Hearts Pure, Loving, and Tender Toward the Lord, Part 6 — pastorterryjdavis

How the Devil Causes Trouble

Can the devil and demons cause us trouble? The quick answer, yes. The long answer, yes, but God sets limits and promises to be with you, and restore you. God also promises to rescue those who fear and love Him from all their troubles. Psalms 91:14 tells us, “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name.” For more details, see my blog post called Psalm 91:14-16 — RESCUED FROM TROUBLES. Psalm 34:7 states, “The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Example of a demon afflicting the Apostle Paul.

The Apostle Paul describes how a demon afflicted him in 2Corinthians 12:7-9,

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8) Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9) But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

God’s grace is enough for us when we suffer hardships. God’s grace is His power in your life. No one knows what the thorn in the flesh was, but Paul did not like it and pleaded with God to remove it. In 2Corinthians 12:10 Paul stated, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Also, in Philippians 4:11 Paul said, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”

An example in the Apostle Peter’s life.

In Luke 22:31-32 Jesus said, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you (demanded permission), that he might sift you like wheat, 32) but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.Your faith will be tested, so expect it. During the test, turn your eyes on God in prayer and receive His comfort.

Paul states in 2Corinthians 1:3-4, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” God knows hardships are inevitable, so comfort others with the same comfort you received from Him. Jesus comforted Peter after Satan tested his faith (see John 21:15-17), so Peter could have compassion for those whose faith is being tested and can comfort them.

Example in the Christian church.

Jesus says in Revelation 2:10, “Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” Know that God is with you no matter what the hardship is, and you can trust Him to keep His promises to deliver you from all your troubles. Jesus tells us in John 16:33,  “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”  And the reason why we have tribulations is explained in 1John 5:19b, which states, “the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.”

Only as you stay in prayer, trusting God to strengthen your faith as you endure the hardship, will you be victorious. 1John 4:4 tells us, “Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” Jesus is greater than Satan, so you can endure in Christ’s strength as Paul tells us in Philippians 4:13I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

To clear up any confusion you may have, I am not saying all hardships come from the devil.  Many hardships come through our self-centered, sinful, choices.  This concept will be fleshed out in the next blog post.

The example of Job.

We can’t forget about Job (sounds like robe) and the hardships Satan caused. He was very wealthy and devoted to God. But with God’s permission, Satan caused Job’s children to die, lose his wealth, and tormented him with boils over his entire body. Job 1:8-12, states,

And the LORD said to Satan, ‘Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?’ 9) Then Satan answered the LORD and said, ‘Does Job fear God for no reason? 10) Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. 11) But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.’ 12) And the LORD said to Satan, ‘Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.’ So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.

Many truths can be found in the book of Job. Job never curses God, and at the end of the story, God gives Job twice as much as he had before (see Job 42:10-17). Could Job’s fear have opened him up to his hardships? Job 3:25 states, “For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me.” The Hebrew literal interpretation is “I feared a fear, and it came upon me.”

Fear comes when you stop trusting in God’s protection and focus on the what-ifs that may never happen. Job’s fears opened the door to allow Satan to bring destruction into his life. Many people have unrealistic fears that cause them to become “preppers” (people who stockpile food and goods) for something that may never happen. Some people have a debilitating fear of germs or disease, which entraps them in restrictive behavior. God says in Isaiah 41:10, “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Put off the wrong thoughts that lead to fear and pride and bind in the truth, God is your protection and your provider. Read my post on how fear controls you and that God will not forsake you.

There is hope when you look to Jesus to strengthen you and to deliver you from your hardships.  I am praying for you. Please leave a comment, I like to hear what your thoughts are.


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

OTHER RELATED POSTS:

Psalm 91 Posts

DISCOVER UNRESOLVED NEGATIVE HEART ISSUES

Do you know if you have unresolved childhood and negative heart issues? Because we live in an imperfect world with selfish people, we will be hurt and a negative heart issue begins.  Negative heart issues are created by our perception of what others have done to hurt us and what we have done to hurt others.  If these issues are not resolved then they control your thoughts, feelings, and reactions.  To begin discovering a new reality for your life start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

For example, I realized I felt disconnected from my friends and family, so I thought about my childhood and realized that both my father and mother had disconnected emotionally from me and from each other. Their emotional disconnection from me made me feel unloved, so I emotionally disconnect from them to block the pain of feeling unloved. This reaction carried over into all my relationships, including my relationship with God. I went through the steps for resolving negative heart issues, and I now feel more emotionally connected to my husband, family, and friends.  I am now able to mentally process disappointment when my husband does not do what I expect. I am also aware of emotional disconnection issues with other relationships that also need to be resolved.

To begin discovering a new reality for your life start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

The following questions will help you discover your unresolved childhood and negative heart issues that you still have to this day.

1. Do you have angry outbursts when people do things you don’t like (i.e. people don’t drive correctly, or someone does not meet your expectation)?

2. Do you crave acceptance and feel you are a people pleaser and need people’s approval?

3. Do you have feelings of guilt for things you have done or didn’t do to those you should have loved?

4. Are you jealous or envious of someone’s advantage or position in the family or at work?

5.  Do you insist on having things your way or live with someone who insists on having things their way?

6.  Do you have feelings of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, or person?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the LOVE Issues worksheet.


7. Are you sad and feel despair most of the time?

8. Do you find yourself often doing things to escape loneliness and discontentment?

9. Do you have low expectations of people; that is, you are despondent and feel no hope?

10.  Do you feel like you have no worth because others have treated you or still do treat you as not having worth?

11.  Do you complain and express dissatisfaction often or have you been the recipient?

12.  Do you feel humiliation and shame?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the JOY Issues worksheet.


13. Are you often anxious and worried?

14. Are you immobilized by fear that prevents you from being able to reason logically?

15.  Do you feel tense and nervous in certain situations and around certain people?

16.  Do you feel agitated with someone because they offended you by something they did, did not do; said, or did not say?

17. Have you experienced strife?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the PEACE Issues worksheet.


18. Do unfair actions upset you?

19.  Are you frustrated or impatient when your expectations are not met or is someone frustrated or impatient with you?

20.  Do you have unrealistic expectations or does someone have unrealistic expectations of you?

21.  Do you find yourself irritated a lot or is someone often irritated with you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the PATIENCE Issues worksheet.


22. Have you been neglected, abandoned, or rejected or have you done the same thing to someone?

23.  Have you been hurt by someone who was mean, rude, or rough toward you or have you been mean, rude, or rough to someone?

24.  Have you been vengeful or has someone been vindictive toward you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the KINDNESS Issues worksheet.


25. Do you tend to judge people and circumstances?

26. Do you feel guilt from the things you have done?

27. Has someone made you feel inadequate and devalued or have you done the same to someone.

28. Do you find yourself being self-centered and do not want to sacrifice for others?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the GOODNESS Issues worksheet.


29. Do you feel disappointed when your desires are not met and feel no one cares?

30. Do you find you need to lie sometimes to protect yourself or to manipulate the desired outcome and what people think?

31.  Have you been a recipient of someone who has lied about you?

32.  Do you feel betrayed, victimized, or deceived or have you done this to someone?

33.  Are you defiant or sometimes resist or challenge authority?

34.  Do you feel you cannot trust others or place your confidence in others?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues worksheet.


35. Do you have chronic health problems and mental distresses?

36. Have you been known to brag and dismiss people because you feel better than them or has this been done to you?

37.  Do you sometimes condemn others by strongly disapproving or has someone done this to you?

38. Do you sometimes feel foolish or contemptible and have no dignity?

39.  Are you rough and impatient at times or has someone been rough and impatient with you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues worksheet.


40. Are you sensitive when people let you down, and do you want to control people and situations?

41. Do you like your harmful desire(s) and action(s) too much, even though they are destructive?

42. Do you feel disconnected from family and friends?

43.  Are you not willing to work or exert yourself and feel you deserve special treatment or has someone told this to you?

44.  Do you overreact during stressful circumstances?

45.  Do you try to control and manipulate people and situations or has this been done to you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the SELF-CONTROL Issues worksheet.

RELATED POSTS:

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to Trust Again.

Have you been betrayed by someone you thought you could trust?  Have you experienced being forsaken by someone you love?  I have. God is the only one who will always be faithful and loyal to you, then your dog and maybe UPS delivery would be next.

I am offended by those who disregarded me, so how can I trust again?  You are disregarded when you are ignored, neglected, and not treated with respect. I will share later how to take those thoughts captive, so you are no longer controlled by the offenses. Each offense is like a brick in a wall. You build the wall with one offense after another to protect your heart from being hurt and disappointed again.  The wall also keeps you from experiencing the benefits of trusting and loving other people.  When you don’t trust you will live in fear that something bad will happen to you.  Fear erodes your relationships.  So, in this post, I will explain how to tear down your wall, one offense at a time so you can live in freedom and have peace and joy.  See my last post for an explanation of how to have peace and joy all the time in your life.  How to experience a heavenly life on earth.

For example, I trusted my father to love and cherish me, but he abused me then forsook me at 15 when he left and never contacted me again.  I trusted my mother to nurture and affirm me, but she was angry and dismissive.  I trusted my sisters to have my back and support me, but they were angry, violent, and self-centered.  I trusted my friends at school to be loyal and encouraging, but they humiliated me.  I trusted teachers and church leaders to protect me, but they looked the other way.  I trusted my first husband to love and protect me, but he abused me instead. Everyone has a story of betrayal and why they can’t trust.  Maybe a spouse had an affair.  A co-worker lied and gossiped about you.  A boss or supervisor harassed you and did not like you.  The painful memories of being forsaken control how you respond to those around you today.  Because of the antitrust wall around my heart, I could not give warmth and love to my family and friends.

Every human will fail you at one point or another because we all are sinners who fall short. You will fail someone who trusted you. Maybe you can’t be trusted because of the things you have done to hurt those around you.  You may not have been faithful to protect the ones you were supposed to love. God wants to make you whole and trustworthy again.  I will explain how to have hope for the restoration of your relationships. But first, you must STOP discounting yourself by reducing your value and thinking you don’t deserve better. You are valuable to God, and He wants to restore you and prosper you (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:17-18).

Do you have unrealistic expectations of the people in your life?  Maybe you have unstated expectations, and you think they should know, so you wonder why they let you down.  You may have specified your expectations, but the other person has not agreed to do what you expect.  Unmet expectations lead to frustration, anger, and feeling disregarded, which then create painful memories. You then believe the person cannot be trusted, so you close your heart to them and everyone else. Is this something you can relate to?  Read my short book to learn how to heal these painful memories: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Trust issues affect every living soul, and the painful memories need to be healed for the fruit of trust and faithfulness to grow in your life through the Holy Spirit.  Only God can heal your heart and memories, so first, ask God to remove your pride and any deceptive spirits from you.  I ask God to remove my pride because it always justifies why I shouldn’t trust and why I should be offended.  Then, I ask God to remove deceptive spirits because they will convince you that you don’t have a problem and it is no big deal. Next, ask God to show you if you have the following unhealthy beliefs or something similar:

  • I cannot trust; no one can be trusted
  • I am awful; I have done awful things and thought awful thoughts. I can’t trust in anything except the coming punishment that I deserve.
  • I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.
  • I can’t trust anyone after what I have experienced, after what I have done, and after what I have seen.
  • If I trust that things will work out and get better, then the coming pain is just that much more upsetting.
  • I trust what I have in my own hands, in my bank account, what I own, and what I control.
  • It is better to realize that everyone is out for himself, including me.
  • I am trustworthy. The only time I do bad things is when it’s justified.

Write down the unhealthy beliefs you have relating to your trust issues.  They may be some of the ones above or they may be different.  Next, ask God to show you the painful memory or memories that created the unhealthy belief.  Identify the vows you have made.  For example, I vowed to never trust a man because they are self-centered.  But, guess what, I was self-centered too. Go through the following prayer model to remove the offenses and the related unhealthy beliefs/vows.

  1. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the contributors for each issue (problem, concern) such as the painful memory or memories of painful experiences or sin.
    • Painful experiences could be from a trauma, a word curse, unmet expectations, betrayal, poor choices, or rejection.
    • You may get an answer right away or you may have to wait a few days.
    • Be conscious of the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking within your soul.
    • All painful memories have a negative stress-energy that needs to be removed from your mind and cells of your body.
    • Sin has negative spirit attachments that need to be removed by putting them off in Jesus’ name (see John 14:13 and 16:24).
    • Sin is anything you do that is not loving and valuing others or loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
  1. Forgive those who sinned against you including yourself if necessary (see Matthew 6:14:15, Colossians 3:13, and Ephesians 4:32).  WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE
    • The first step in trusting others is forgiving those who broke your trust because we are all sinners in need of a savior and forgiveness.
    • When you forgive, it breaks the power the offense has on your mind.
    • Do not dwell on the painful memories but be quick to forgive, though you may need to grieve a loss, which is healing.
    • Forgiveness releases you from the emotional control of the painful memories contributing to the issue needing healing.
    • If you have a hard time forgiving, ask God to give you His grace to forgive others for their sins against you as He has forgiven your sins (see Matthew 6:12-15).

PRAY: “Dear Lord, I forgive (name of the person or persons) for causing the pain of __________.”

  1. Replace unhealthy beliefs with truth.
    • Write down the lies or unhealthy beliefs the Holy Spirit reveals that are associated with the heart issue needing transforming by the truth.
    • Next, write the truths to replace the unhealthy beliefs.
    • For example, you may believe, “I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.” Replace this lie with this truth, “I can trust those who are trustworthy but understand they could let me down.  I know I can trust God and He will help me to forgive and be patient with those who let me down including myself.”
    • To understand how to use your authority in prayer read; Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

PRAY: “Dear Lord, I loose the unhealthy belief of __________, and bind in the truth that ________, in Jesus’ name.”

  1. Repent of sins.
    • List the sins you committed because of your wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs and decisions related to the issue needing healing.
    • Confess them to God and ask His forgiveness and to take all your guilt and resentment away (see 1 John 1:9) in Jesus’ name.
  1. Last, write out a thank you to God for something He did to protect, provide for, or comfort you. For painful memories to heal, they need to be replaced by a positive memory.

There is hope for complete healing of trust as you tear down the wall around your heart by taking each brick of offense out of the wall.  Choose to love others well knowing they are hurting people with walls and may choose to reject you.  Jesus was rejected and still is.

RELATED POSTS:

Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People

Being Thankful During Hardships

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

The Core Negative Heart Issue

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Define Your Mission in Life

Why is a mission important to have? How does a mission statement help you achieve your heart’s desires?  The following are excerpts from HABIT 2 – BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND—Principles of Personal Leadership by Stephen Covey from “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”

Begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm of the end of your life as your frame of reference or the criterion by which you examine everything else. What do you want people to say at your funeral? (What do you want God to say when you stand before Him?)  By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important.  Make each day contribute in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life.  Start with a clear understanding of your destination.  It means to know where you’re going so you better understand where you are now.  So the steps you take are always in the right direction.

A Personal Mission Statement

A personal mission statement focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based.  It becomes a personal constitution, the basis for making major, life-directing decisions, the basis for making daily decisions during the circumstances and emotions that affect our lives.  Writing or reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think through your priorities deeply, carefully, and to align your behavior with your beliefs.

Identifying Roles and Goals

We each have many different roles in our lives–different areas or capacities in which we have responsibility.  I may, for example, have a role as an individual, a spouse, a parent, a teacher, a church member, and a businessman.  And each of these roles is important.  Your mission statement will be much more balanced and easier to work with if you break it down into the specific role areas of your life and the goals you want to accomplish in each area.  An effective goal focuses primarily on results rather than activity.


Mission Statement for my life and how I will accomplish it.

The guiding principle for my life is knowing that what I do has eternal value or contributes to it. My life verse is 2 Corinthians 5:10 (ESV), “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

I will do the following to reflect this principle.

1. I will be controlled by love and I live for Jesus Christ. 2Corinthians 5:14a,15b states, “For the love of Christ controls us,… those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

I will do the following to show Jesus Christ’s love.

  • I will stay in forgiveness and pray for the people in my life.
  • I will be kind in what I say and do.
  • I will give preference to the interests and desires of other people; Philippians 2:3,4Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.
  • I will encourage people to love God, to pursue holiness, to show love, and live in peace; Ephesians 4:2,3, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”  And, Hebrews 12:14,  “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”

2. I will be heavenly minded and not worldly minded by doing the following.

  • I will seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness instead of being anxious.
  • I will seek to give to Christian efforts to grow the kingdom of God.
  • I will fill my mind with scripture and memorize it so I may not sin: Psalm 119:11, “I have hidden Your Word in my heart so that I might not sin against You.
  • I will not look at worthless things. I will only look at things that inspire me to do good and love well (see Ps. 119:37, Ps 101:3).
  • I will practice 1Thessalonians 5:16-18 and;
      • Rejoice always as I think on Biblical truths—Col. 3:1-3;
      • pray without ceasing by turning every thought into a prayer;
      • give thanks in all circumstances and not grumble or complain because I am His workmanship and God has a purpose for everything—Ephesians 2:10,11 and Philippians 2:13.
  • I will not seek to fulfill any desires that draw me away from my devotion to God.
  • I will not desire worldly possessions beyond reasonable needs.

3. I will make my time count for eternity by doing the following.

  • Serve others as Christ did when He was on this earth (Matt. 20:28; Phil 2:3-7).
  • Seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10) and lead people to a saving knowledge of Christ Jesus and hand out New Testament Bibles.
  • Teach Biblical principles through my blog, prison ministry, and be a good witness of the love of Christ.

Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

Victorious Thinking to Live a Successful Life

Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Abolish New Year’s Resolutions


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People

What is a toxic person? The answer is simple, a toxic person is someone who has no control over their emotions and thoughts. This person is controlled by subconscious painful memories.  You do not have to be fearful of out-of-control people but put your trust in God.  The Bible says, God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind (see 1 Timothy 1:7).  In this post, you will learn how to have power, love, and a sound mind so you can establish healthy boundaries.  In my last post, I shared a study that described how felt love improves your well-being.  Read it here: Are Your Relationships Improving Your Well-Being?.  Being around negative, angry, fearful, and insecure people wear down your well-being.

You can find many articles on how to set-up boundaries for out-of-control people, so I won’t teach that here.  I recommend the book called Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud, which I read when I was married to an abusive ex-husband.  The instructions in the Boundaries book was very helpful, but I couldn’t set healthy boundaries because I was toxic and out of control myself.  Then I read a book called Why Should I Be the First to Change?  by Chuck and Nancy Missler, which transformed my victim mentality.  In this post, you will learn why and how to change yourself before you can set healthy boundaries.

  1. Have healthy beliefs about yourself so you can set healthy boundaries.
  2. Love and respect yourself so you will maintain boundaries.
  3. Apply the truths in God’s Word to heal your toxic emotions and your toxic relationships.

You cannot change how a person behaves, you can only change yourself.  As you change, your unhealthy beliefs, then you can set healthy boundaries on the destructive behavior of others.  Boundaries identify the problem, consequences, and the way to reconciliation. Boundaries help the emotionally unhealthy person see their need to change.  You can pray for God to intervene and change the person, but God cannot change a person’s will if they do not want to surrender their lives to Him and do what the Bible says.  Romans 8:7 tells us, “For the mind that is set on the flesh (sin and pleasing yourself) is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law (love); indeed, it cannot.” God’s law is love: Romans 13:10 states, “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” And, Galatians 5:14 states, “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Also, read James 2:8.)  Toxic people are focused on their on sinful, selfish desires and cannot love others well.

1.  First, you must have healthy beliefs about yourself so you can set healthy boundaries.

Understand why you were attracted to a destructive person.  For me, I grew up in an abusive home and had no sense of self-worth and no sense of how a healthy person thinks.  When I first went to a psychologist who understood abuse and the damage it does to the soul, I learned I had an unhealthy belief that I did not deserve to be loved.  And, because I did not love myself, I felt I deserved the abuse.  I believed I needed to try harder.  But I couldn’t because I was a toxic person as well.  As a Christian, I saw my relationships were not loving according to the Bible.  The Bible tells us the kind of love we are to have in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (ESV).”  Does your life or relationships reflect this kind of healthy love?

Painful memories cause people to be toxic.  Painful memories generate unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking, which shows in what we say and do.  To be a healthy, loving person, you need to heal your painful memories and develop healthy beliefs about yourself, others, and even God.  As your memories are healed, oppressive spirits are removed, and unhealthy beliefs are transformed by Biblical truth, then you can set healthy boundaries on your behavior and other’s behavior.  I explain how to do this in my short book called, Hope for Complete Healing.

2. Love and respect yourself so you will maintain boundaries.

When I began to receive the love of God and learn to love myself, I began to see myself as valuable.  I knew I needed to respect myself, but I couldn’t.  So, I began to practice putting boundaries on my thoughts and emotions.  But because I relied on my will-power, these boundaries only worked to a limited extent.  Lasting change came when I healed my painful memories and transformed unhealthy beliefs.  Desiring to love and respect myself forced me to seek God to show me my painful memories and to heal them.  The Bible says I need to forgive those who sin against me as God has forgiven me. So, as I continued to forgive the unkind people in my life and focused on the things I could be thankful for, I felt peace and joy.  When I saw the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, trust, and self-control in my life, then I could respect myself.

The following quote from Eleanore Roosevelt helped me in a hostile work environment, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Meaning, I can choose not to feel inferior by those who do not respect me and say unkind things.  My psychologist explained that the things my ex-husband was saying about me did not represent the truth or reality.  This helped me to not internalize the unkind things my ex-husband said to me.  I was able to set a healthy boundary around my heart to not internalize unkind words and actions.

3. Apply the truths in God’s Word to heal your toxic emotions and toxic relationships.

Knowing Biblical truths, help you identify the problem and explain why you must set boundaries.  Let the toxic person know you value them and the relationship.  The person may get angry or anxious and will try to manipulate you or make you feel guilty, but don’t be afraid.  Depending on God to help you is the only way to have the power to set boundaries and see lasting change.  Be accountable to an older person who knows the truth of God’s Word and is secure enough to point out your wrong thinking.

Recently, I had to establish a separation boundary with a person I thought was my friend but who did not respect or honor me.  This was hard to do because I thought I could help her. Helping hurting people is not a bad thing if they submit to God’s work in their hearts and minds and obey Him.  Feeling the need to support and be loyal to unloving people makes a person co-dependent to that person.  You can read many articles about co-dependency, so I will not cover that hot topic.

You can read how I trusted the promises of God during my divorce and custody battle in the post called Trust God to Keep His Promises.


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

OTHER RELATED POSTS:

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words Produce Death or Life Energy

Are Your Relationships Improving Your Well-Being?

So, what is well-being and how do you improve it?  Dictionary.com explains it as a state (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual) characterized by health, happiness, and prosperity.  I told you in my last post, I was going to write about abusive relationships.  This is a very hard topic to write, and though I have the experience, it is still very emotional and hard.  Abuse destroys a person’s well-being.  The opposite of abuse is love and not just love for the sake of love but felt love.  I care about your well-being and the well-being of your family, which is why I have written a lot of posts on how to have a healthy relationship, see POSTS Related to Relationships.  Also, read what healthy love is in Love From a Pure Heart.

So, what is felt love and how does it affect our well-being?  I came across a research article about this topic, and I share it below.


Feeling loved in everyday life linked with improved well-being

Research suggests that those small, but important daily gestures of love and support may be connected with improved well-being.   By Matt Swayne

November 25, 2019

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. — Poets and songwriters may tend to focus their artistry on passion and romance, but it may be those unsung, brief feelings of love throughout the day that are connected with psychological well-being, according to a team of researchers led by two Penn State Institute for Computational and Data Sciences (ICDS) researchers. They added that the findings could one day lead to interventions aimed at boosting well-being.

In two studies, the researchers found that people who experienced higher “felt love” — brief experiences of love and connection in everyday life — also had significantly higher levels of psychological well-being, which includes feelings of purpose and optimism, compared to those who had lower felt love scores. They also found that people with higher felt love tended to have higher extroversion personality scores, while people with lower felt love scores were more likely to show signs of neuroticism.

“We took a very broad approach when we looked at love,” said Zita Oravecz, assistant professor of human development and family studies and ICDS faculty co-hire. “Everyday felt love is conceptually much broader than romantic love. It’s those micro-moments in your life when you experience resonance with someone. For example, if you’re talking to a neighbor and they express concern for your well-being, then you might resonate with that and experience it as a feeling of love, and that might improve your well-being.”

According to the researchers, the baseline of the subjects’ felt love experiences, in general, rose throughout the study, suggesting that the nudges to recognize examples of love and connection during the study may also have gradually increased the subjects’ overall sense of being loved.  Stronger experiences of felt love, in turn, are associated with improvements in psychological well-being.

“It’s something that we’ve seen in the literature on mindfulness, when people are reminded to focus attention on positive things, their overall awareness of those positive things begins to rise,” said Oravecz. “Similarly, just by paying attention to those everyday moments of felt love, we may also increase our awareness of the overall positive aspects of love in our daily lives. This effect replicates in both studies, implying that raising awareness of felt love in day-to-day life may itself be an intervention that raises levels of felt love over a longer period of time.”

The researchers, who report their findings in the current issue of Personality and Individual Differences, added that because the studies have only shown a correlation between felt love and well-being, more research would be needed to establish a causal relationship. If a firmer connection is established, the researchers said possible interventions could be designed, such as sending regular reminders to a person’s smartphone to draw attention to the felt love that they may be experiencing in that moment to raise psychological well-being. Similar interventions have been designed for mindfulness and gratitude.

The team relied on smartphone technology to gather data from participants throughout their everyday lives. In the first study, they recruited 52 people of various ages. The second study consisted of 160 undergraduate students. Participants received six random prompts throughout the day over a four-week period to assess felt love and well-being, according to Timothy Brick, assistant professor of human development and family studies and ICDS co-hire. He added that sending these messages randomly throughout the day was critical to manage the possible effects of expectation bias.

“It’s important from a research point-of-view,” said Brick. “If the participants expect a call or a text at a certain time of day, they are no longer reacting to what’s going on in their daily life but are expecting the prompt and reacting to that expectation.”

Gathering data multiple times throughout the day from more than 200 subjects over a month can produce a lot of data, said Brick. Also, these everyday experiences of love tend to fluctuate during the study, which can result in what the researchers termed “noisy” data.

“It’s often very difficult to measure psychological quantities because we don’t always have a great idea about what’s going on in our own heads,” said Brick.

Oravecz added, “But with the right statistical methods, we can start to get at questions about difficult constructs like love or compassion, and hopefully build interventions to promote them.”

To analyze this large amount of noisy data, the researchers used nuanced statistical tools. According to Oravecz, the researchers specifically used a Bayesian latent stochastic differential equations model to cut through the noise in the data and identify processes happening underneath. This method is especially suited to help scientists investigate intricate social systems, which often involve relationships that generate complex, highly variable data, she said.

According to the researchers, this statistical method may be used more as social scientists begin to gather large amounts of real-world data from sensors on wearable devices. The researchers used computational resources of ICDS’s advanced computer infrastructure for their analysis.

The team also included Jessica Dirsmith, clinical assistant professor of education, Duquesne University; Saeideh Heshmati, assistant professor of psychology, Claremont Graduate University; and Joachim Vandekerckhove, associate professor of cognitive sciences, University of California Irvine.

This research was supported by the John Templeton Foundation.

 

Being Thankful During Hardships

How does being thankful help me?  No one can escape hardships, it is part of living in an imperfect world.  We can’t choose our hardships either, but we can choose how we respond.  Viktor Frankl, a Nazi concentration camp survivor, wrote a book called Man’s Search for Meaning.  The following is a quote, “Even in the degradation and abject misery of a concentration camp, Frankl was able to exercise the most important freedom of all – the freedom to determine one’s own attitude and spiritual well-being. No sadistic Nazi SS guard was able to take that away from him or control the inner-life of Frankl’s soul.”  Though your hardship may not compare to torture in a concentration camp, hardships cause you to focus on your loss, which causes stress on your mind and body.  I must admit, it is hard to be thankful if you are in an abusive relationship.  I will write more concerning this in the next post.  Please understand, Satan wants you to stay focused on your hardship and bring destruction in your life (see John 10:10).  To learn more, read: Four Realities of the Spirit World

No matter the hardship, we can be thankful for something.  Being thankful is an inner-life attitude that determines if we rise above our problems or sink deeper into despair.  You see, it is God’s will for you to be thankful in all circumstances (see 1Thes. 5:18 and Eph. 5:20).  If you find it hard to be thankful, call out to God for help (see Hebrews 4:14-16).  If you want to experience peace amid your hardship, then do what the Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:6,7Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to GodAnd the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” When I am thankful for God’s love, provision, mercy, and grace and trust Him to take care of my problems, I feel peace and joy. When I focus on my negative thoughts, I became anxious and stressed again.  The Bible says God gives us hope, Romans 15:13 states, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”  Also, peace and joy remove the effects of stress in our bodies and minds.

Hardships are the main cause of offenses and resentments, which come from wrong thoughts of unfairness. If you don’t capture and loose these wrong thoughts, they will generate negative feelings and your negative feelings will produce false beliefs, which then direct destructive behaviors like anger fits, drinking, doing drugs, hurting others or yourself, depression, etc.  Being thankful transforms wrong thoughts and results in peace and joy despite the hardship.  I heard from a missionary to China, that the Christian Chinese people are joyful despite their hardships when many times everything is taken from them and they are put in jail.

During my job loss, I focused on God’s goodness, faithfulness, loving-kindness, and how He will cause all things to work together for my good. Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”   Abuse and loss through death are different because that involves a loss of love, which I will cover in the next post.  Being thankful and focused on God and not your loss will fill you with peace and joy.  Read my story in Trust God to Keep His Promises  and how I experienced many miracles despite my loss in divorce.

So, what can we be thankful for?  You can begin with the following 15 promises.  To learn more about each promise read 15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep.

  1. We are saved from sin and death and have the hope of eternal life.
  2. God forgives all your sins and cleanses you from all unrighteousness when you confess your sin.
  3. God will never leave you nor forsake you because He loves you.
  4. You are more than a conqueror through Christ who loves you, and nothing will separate you from His love.
  5. God’s plans for you are for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
  6. God will cause all things to work together for good according to His purpose for those that love Him.
  7. God will supply all your needs according to His riches.
  8. When we come to God and do what He says, we will dwell secure and will find rest, without the dread of disaster.
  9. God is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
  10. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability to bear it.  With the temptation, He will provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
  11. God gives power and strength and helps us when we trust Him.
  12. God is doing a new thing in your life, and He will make a way where there is no way.
  13. God’s peace will guard your heart and your mind when you trust Him in every situation and pray with thanksgiving as you present your requests to Him.
  14. If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us and if we know He hears us in whatever we ask; we know we have the requests we have asked of Him.
  15. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Practice makes perfect.  Practice being thankful every day so when hardships come you can be thankful and not let the hardship steal your peace and joy.


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

RELATED POSTS:

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Victorious Thinking to Live a Successful Life

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

Know Your Purpose?

My son asked me what his purpose was.  Have you figured out the purpose for your existence? I wondered what my purpose was for many years, but then I saw my purpose every day in how I treated other people. Websters dictionary defines purpose as to aim, intend, or resolve to do something good or something toward achieving a goal. But, did you ever think your purpose is to intentionally show love, be kind, be patient and gentle when annoyed, spread joy, ease a burden for someone, live in peace with others, be faithful to your family and employer, be trustworthy and not lie, and lastly to be self-controlled and not indulge your unhealthy feelings or desires. The following verses are well known to many concerning God’s purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare (peace) and not for evil (calamity or harm), to give you a future and a hope.” (ESV)  Welfare is the state of being or doing well; condition of health, happiness, and prosperity; well-beingGod wants to give you a future and a hope.  This verse was a prophesy Jeremiah told the Israelites who were taken as captives into Babylon. If you are experiencing calamity or harm in your life and not welfare, please read EVIL—What is it and what is the remedy?

Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”  Are you willing to hope in the good purpose God has for you though you may have to go through hard times?

Ephesians 2:10 states, “For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”  You may not understand what the good works are you are to do, but stay in prayer and submitted to God to continue to work in your life to fulfill your purpose.  To understand more, read Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Being patient when God’s purpose for you is difficult.  God wonderfully uses people to fulfill His plan to change history.  The purpose of God for each of us will have significance, no matter how insignificant we may think it is.  Working in the nursery at church has a significant impact for the kingdom of God as you show God’s love to the little ones.  I hope the following summaries will help you see that God’s purposes are different for each person.  Note how hardships prepared each person for their purpose.  We only need to obey, be faithful, and trust Him even when we don’t see the whole picture or results.

Adam’s and Eve’s purpose was to rule all the created creatures, birds, fish, and all the earth. They were to be fruitful and multiply and to obey God. So, when they disobeyed, then sin and its consequences entered the world which still affects us today. See Genesis, Chapters 1-4.  Your purpose is the same.  We should all do our part in caring for the earth God created.

Noah’s purpose was to build an ark which took over100 years to build. He obeyed God even though he did not understand what a flood or rain was. Everyone ridiculed him the entire time he was building the ark , but he steadfastly obeyed God’s purpose for his life. See Genesis, chapters 5-11.  You may have to go through ridicule when those around you do not understand why God wants you to undertake a huge task.  Don’t waver, just obey.  For example, God asked me to write this study.  I am not a writer and I did not know what to write, but I obeyed, though I didn’t understand why He asked me.  He knows something I don’t know.

Abraham’s purpose was to be the father of the Jewish nation, yet he had no children until he was 100 years old, when he had Isaac. God told Abraham to leave his family and go to a foreign land and settle there. He obeyed God and remained faithful, and God blessed him wherever he went. Because of his faith, he was known as the friend of God. See Genesis, chapters 12-23.  You may not understand why God asked you to do something, just believe and obey, because He wants to bless you.

Joseph’s purpose was to be the ruler of Egypt and save his family (the beginning of the Jewish nation) from starvation.  Before he could fulfill God’s purpose, he became a slave in Egypt and unjustly put in prison for three years.  After that, he was asked to interpret Pharaoh’s dream, and God inspired Pharaoh to make Joseph second in command of Egypt. Joseph did not know what his purpose was until he saw his brothers many years later, but he remained faithful to God. See Genesis, chapters 37-47.  Going through hardships is not fun but keep your eyes on Jesus and you will see later how your hardships were used to fulfill your purpose.  To learn more read Example of Suffering Well and God’s Response: Part 2 of Suffering Well

Moses’s purpose was to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, where they were being oppressed and made slaves. God arranged for Moses to grow up in Pharaoh’s house until he fled into the wilderness when he killed an Egyptian for hurting a fellow Hebrew. After spending 40 years herding sheep in the wilderness and at 80 years old, God spoke to Moses from a burning bush to tell him to go back to Egypt and lead the people out. Moses obeyed but asked God for help because he did not speak well, so God arranged for his brother Aaron to meet him. See Exodus, chapters 1-4.  As God had to humble Moses, you may need to be humbled before God can use you for His purpose.

David was anointed king around 15 years old. He knew his purpose, but it was another 15 years until he became King.  Much of the 15 years he waited, he spent wandering the wilderness and living in caves while fleeing from King Saul, who was trying to kill him. But David remained faithful to God and is known for having a heart after God. See 1Samuel, chapters 19-22.  He also wrote many of the Psalms, which reflected his feelings during the 15-year waiting period.  God may have you waiting.  Trust He has a purpose for the waiting period which may be full of trials and difficulties.  Keep trusting God.

Daniel’s purpose was to be a ruler in Babylon then Persia and to pray for Israel. He was taken as a captive to Babylon at 16 years old and indoctrinated into the Babylonian culture.  Daniel remained faithful to God and continued to trust Him. God put into his heart the desire to pray three times a day for Israel, and he was faithful to this purpose even knowing he would be thrown into the lion’s den.  But God sent an angel to shut the hungry lion’s mouths. See Daniel, chapters 1-6.  Though you may not face being thrown to the lions, keep your eyes on Jesus through prayer and do not despair, no matter what situation you find yourself in.

Esther was a Babylonian Jewish captive whose purpose was to save the Jewish nation from annihilation. The Persian King wanted another Queen after beheading the previous queen. So, there was a beauty contest, and Esther won. She was queen for many years before she became aware of the plan to kill the Jewish captives.  It took courage for her to approach the King to save herself and her people. At that moment she fulfilled God’s purpose for her life.

There are many other Old Testament examples. Here are two New Testament examples:

Jesus’s purpose was to redeem us from our sinful nature and eternal death, by offering Himself as a perfect sacrifice to pay the penalty and debt for our sin. He was 33 years old when he fulfilled his purpose. John 12:27 states, “Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose, I came to this hour.” Ephesians 1:7-9 states, “In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sins, according to the riches of His grace, 8) which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight, 9) He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him”  God’s main purpose for mankind is to be in a right relationship with Him through believing and receiving the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the gift of eternal life in Heaven.

Saul, who was killing and imprisoning Christians, became Paul, whose purpose was to spread Christianity to the Gentiles.  God struck him down and blinded him for three days, then he received the call of God on his life. For the next three years he lived in the wilderness, being taught by God.  When Paul obeyed and remained faithful, God could use him for His purpose.  He spent most of his ministry in prison because of a wrongful accusation, where he wrote most of the New Testament, which was God’s purpose for him. Acts 26:16 explains Paul’s conversion.  “Get up and stand on your feet; for this purpose I [Jesus] have appeared to you, to appoint you a minister and a witness not only to the things which you have seen, but also to the things in which I will appear to you;”  In Acts 20:27, Paul wrote, “For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God.” According to this verse, the Bible defines our purpose; therefore, we must study the God’s Word to know His purpose for us.

In the examples above, they all had to go through some suffering and wilderness experiences to prepare them for their purpose.  Remember, hardships strengthen your faith and increases your perseverance.  Some people may never know their purpose because their purpose was fulfilled as they lived out their lives. And, some people will only know their purpose at the moment God calls, and they obey.

I always struggled to know my purpose.  God showed me in the Bible that my purpose was to live my life for Him and do what He has given me to do at that moment.  I want to encourage every parent to embrace the purpose to raise God-fearing children who know and obey God’s Word.  Do not swerve from that significant purpose.  The devil will try to distract you through worldly activities and idolatry

Reflections and Application:

What does it look like to surrender to God’s sovereignty and purpose?

How do you know what the good purpose is for your life?


Related Posts:

Being Thankful During Hardships

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Psalm 91 Posts


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

A child has no filter when they speak. A child will speak whatever is on their mind. As adults, we think it is cute. When an adult has no filter, it is not cute, just offensive. Self-control begins in your mind. Your mind determines what you think, perceive, feel, and believe, which influences your decisions and behaviors. Your mind stores memories of the past and present that controls your thoughts and feelings. So, to be self-controlled we must transform our minds.

My last two posts explain how and why childhood issues need to be transformed so we can be self-controlled. The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control   and Self-control and Maturity.

Do you know what is in your mind? What you think? How you feel?

To transform your mind, you first must become aware of what is in your mind. Since God is the all-knowing Spirit who created us, ask Him to show you, because He knows all your thoughts and ways. Psalm 139:1-4 state, “O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2) You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3) You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4) Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. Jeremiah 17:9,10 state, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10) ‘I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.’” Also read Revelations 2:23. If you do not want to be rewarded according to your evil thoughts, then you need to ask God to reveal them, so you can repent and put them out of your mind. Remember, we reap a lot more than we sow (see Galatians 6:7,8). Psalm 139:23,24 state, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!

How do we transform our minds?

The bible says a lot about how we are to think and be self-controlled in all areas of our life. In fact, Romans 12:2 tells us “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Transforming your mind happens as you look to Jesus for help as you read the Scriptures. Transform means to take another form and renew means to make new. The phrase, “that by testing you may discern” is also translated in the King James Version as “that you may prove.” The meaning of these two phrases is commonly applied to testing the quality of metals by fire. Spiritually, these two phrases indicate, as your mind is renewed you will be able to pass the test and understand the will of God, and what is written in the Bible. So, as your mind is renewed you will become more self-controlled and will be able to love well. My short-book on my website explains the scientific and spiritual research for why and how to transform our minds to achieve a self-controlled life.

How to control your tongue.

When we control how we think with the help of God, then we can control how we speak, and be mature. This can only be done by continually abiding with Jesus in the heavenly places through prayer, which can be accomplished by turning every thought into a prayer. See my post called, Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

The Bible says we are to bridle our tongue to control it, like we bridle a horse to control it. James 1:26 states, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” And, James 3:2,3 state, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle (control) his whole body. 3)  If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.” Some people have problems gossiping, complaining, being critical, and arguing. Why?  How can we live blameless lives before God (Philippians 1:9-11)?

(Update:  I know I am being vulnerable, but I hope it helps you in some way.  A few days after I posted this, I wrote a negative venting email to my friend while under the control of my feelings, and spoke negative about my someone.  I felt the conviction to not write what I did (should have heeded the Holy Spirit), but I did it anyway.  At 4:30 a.m. the next morning, God put His finger on my heart about it.  I repented and ask Him what I could do to not let my feelings control my responses.  God said (paraphrase), talk to Him first.  A few hours later, I had the opportunity to do just that.  I prayed about a difficult situation I was getting emotional about and WOW, it worked.  I was able to respond logically and under the Holy Spirit’s control.)

It is one thing to know the right thing to do and say, but another thing to do it.  For example, I wrote a helpful post called Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without   so I know what I should be thinking, now I need to discipline myself to do this daily.  You can never be perfect at something unless you practice all the time.  You have my permission to print out my post on “Thoughts that Create Peace Within and Without” to practice training your mind.  The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:9: What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

When events don’t go as planned is stressful, and we sometimes, or often, lose self-control of our feelings and do and say things we shouldn’t.  The next time you are tempted to lose control of your emotions, excuse yourself from the situation and answer the following questions to bridle your tongue before your mouth spills hurtful words.

What is the expectation not being met? (Take a deep breath and accept the disappointment and the fact that not everything will go the way you want it to.)

  1. What are the wrong thoughts I need to capture and loose from my mind?  (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you.  It may not be right away, but He will.)
  2. What is the false belief or offense driving my thoughts, which need to be loosed from my mind?  (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you, and the memory that needs to be healed.)
  3. What is the problem that needs to be solved?
  4. What are some solutions?
  5. What are Biblical truths I can bind to my mind to renew it and transform my attitude.
  6. What can I be thankful for?

There is hope for complete transformation of your reactions when you depend on God to show what is in your mind and seek His help to renew your mind through the Holy Scriptures. You can be self-controlled in what you say as your mind is transformed by God’s love.

Helpful posts to read:

POSTS on Thoughts

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).