Being self-centered looks different for each person. According to my experience, a self-centered person is concerned more about themselves and lacks empathy for others. Someone who complains and argues and criticizes is self-centered. Addicts and criminals are classic examples of being self-centered; they have no concern for those they hurt. Even shy and depressed people are self-centered because they are focused on themselves and their shame, guilt, inadequacies, and feeling devalued. I learned that narcissism falls under self-centeredness.
Self-centered people find it difficult to give or share with others, in-other-words, be good to people and value their interests. They are good at controlling and manipulating people to get them to do what they want. For example, when I didn’t get what I thought I needed or wanted, I would become angry and destructive to get what I wanted. As God has been transforming my mind by His Word, and as I submit my will to Him and put off arrogant pride, I have become less self-centered and able to value the needs of others. If everyone were honest, they would acknowledge they struggle with being self-centered and with selfishness. If you want to learn more, read this article: https://drmichaelmcgee.com/self-centeredness/. Dr. McGee is part of the Well Mind Community. Though this article is not Christ-focused, it does give another perspective.
My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.
What is Goodness?
Goodness is humbly considering others’ interests and needs, as well as your own. Goodness is the desire to help others and often sacrificially help others, even those you think do not deserve it. Good people do what is right and honorable in all situations and are morally excellent. You can only be truly good when you love others as Christ loves them. Many people think they are good people when they compare themselves with other people who do bad things.
Those who grew up in dysfunctional homes with self-centered, sinful people did not learn goodness by example. If goodness does not come naturally to you, seek God to show you the painful memories of past hurts and humiliations because those memories control your thoughts, beliefs, and behavior. Painful memories develop self-protective beliefs discussed in the last post. Self-centeredness is a form of self-protection because you don’t believe others have your best interest in mind.
The story about the good Samaritan demonstrates goodness (Luke 10:25-34). To learn more about goodness, please read Part 1: How to Achieve Genuine Goodness.
How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs
1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts. Being mindful of your thoughts helps you acknowledge and let go of negative ruminations about the past and anxious thoughts about the future. Meditate instead on how to solve your problems or submit them to God if they are outside your control
2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.
3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.
4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.
I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:
When I do what is good, I will receive glory, honor, and peace. Rom. 2:10; 13:3b
Because of God’s goodness to and in me, I can be good to those who mistreat or hate me. Luke 6:27; Matt. 5:44; Ps. 25:4-7; 31:19
I can look out for other people’s interests above my own (Phil. 2:14) and please others for their good. Rom. 15:2
I am ready for every good deed, to malign no one, be peaceable, gentle, and show every consideration (true humility) for everyone. Titus 3:1,2
I can give a blessing instead of returning evil for evil and seek to do good to all people. 1 Pet. 3:9; 1 Thes. 5:15
After I received Jesus as my Savior (saved from sin and God’s wrath); He began a good work in me, and He will complete it (Phil. 1:6). I am His workmanship, created for good works. Eph. 2:10; Phil. 2:12b,13
I know I have goodness when my mouth speaks what is good (Matt. 12:34b,35), which is the fruit of the Spirit and Light in me (Gal. 5:22) along with righteousness and truth (Eph. 5:7-10). I am known by my fruit (Matt. 7:20) and engage in good deeds to meet pressing needs. Titus 3:14
I will not lose heart in doing good, knowing I will be rewarded. When I have the opportunity, I will be good to all people, especially to those belonging to the family of God. Gal. 6:9,10; Eh. 6:7,8
All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.
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