Who do you like? The person who encourages you, or the critical person? Which person are you? We prefer elevating people, wouldn’t you agree? Your emotional bank account is strong when you feel safe because you trust the person you are with or are friends with. Do your children, spouse, or family feel safe around you, and can they trust you to be in control of your emotions? If you discover that you have made withdrawals from your children, spouse, or family, you can now make deposits. It takes time to regain trust and rebuild a healthy relationship.
Make Meaningful Deposits
What is a meaningful deposit for you may not be meaningful to the other person. Learn what is important to the other person and value them by making meaningful deposits. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman explains five different ways to show love:
- Words of affirmation,
- Quality time,
- Receiving gifts,
- Acts of service, and
- Physical touch.
My love language is acts of service and affirmation. My husband’s love language is physical touch and affirmation. He struggles to do acts of service, but when he does, I feel valued and loved. I struggle with giving physical touch because of my abusive past, but when I do, he feels valued and loved. I now give more physical touch as I heal my traumatic memories.
How to Intentionally Build a Strong Emotional Account with Someone.
First, you need to value the other person as much as you value yourself. Second, seek to understand what is meaningful to that person. In my last post, I explained the greatest principle to live by. That principle is love. We all fundamentally need to feel loved and valued. Remember, we are made in the image of God, and He is love, who wants to be loved with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. God wants us to love others as He does. People are tender and sensitive to even slight rejection, even if unintentional. Someone may appear tough and unfazed by rejection, but deep down, they are a wounded child who is shut down, and it still hurts.
So, how do you build someone’s emotional bank account? I extrapolated the following 10 ways to build up a person’s emotional bank account from Stephen Covey’s book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
1. I will make deposits into people’s emotional bank accounts through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments. If I make a withdrawal, I will quickly apologize.
2. I will listen and seek to understand what is important to the other person.
3. I will let you feel my concern and acceptance.
4. I will show understanding and make deposits by giving them my full attention.
5. I will attend to the important little things to those in my life.
6. I will keep my commitments and promises to build trust.
7. I will clarify expectations regarding roles and goals to prevent misunderstandings and disappointment.
8. I will show personal integrity by being honest, keeping my promises, fulfilling expectations, being loyal to those present, and refraining from unwholesome speech.
9. I will apologize from my heart when I make a withdrawal.
10. I will see my children’s or people’s problems as an opportunity to build a relationship, rather than a negative, burdensome irritation.
When we model these ten ways to build a person’s emotional bank account, especially children, then it teaches and inspires them to do the same. To do this requires that you feel secure and have a healed heart from the many wounds from the withdrawals you endured throughout your life. As you read these 10 ways to build an emotional bank account, did some painful memories pop up, or resentment toward someone? Read the post WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL? Our painful memories control our thoughts and emotions, which makes us unsafe emotionally. When you heal your memories, you will be mentally healthy and able to build trusting, healthy relationships. Refer to my online book to begin healing your memories.
RELATED POSTS:
Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People
HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR
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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.
If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.
Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.
Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.
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