Have you been betrayed by someone you thought you could trust? Have you experienced being forsaken by someone you love? I have. God is the only one who will always be faithful and loyal to you, then your dog and maybe UPS delivery would be next.
I am offended by those who disregarded me, so how can I trust again? You are disregarded when you are ignored, neglected, and not treated with respect. I will share later how to take those thoughts captive, so you are no longer controlled by the offenses. Each offense is like a brick in a wall. You build the wall with one offense after another to protect your heart from being hurt and disappointed again. The wall also keeps you from experiencing the benefits of trusting and loving other people. When you don’t trust you will live in fear that something bad will happen to you. Fear erodes your relationships. So, in this post, I will explain how to tear down your wall, one offense at a time so you can live in freedom and have peace and joy. See my last post for an explanation of how to have peace and joy all the time in your life. How to experience a heavenly life on earth.
For example, I trusted my father to love and cherish me, but he abused me then forsook me at 15 when he left and never contacted me again. I trusted my mother to nurture and affirm me, but she was angry and dismissive. I trusted my sisters to have my back and support me, but they were angry, violent, and self-centered. I trusted my friends at school to be loyal and encouraging, but they humiliated me. I trusted teachers and church leaders to protect me, but they looked the other way. I trusted my first husband to love and protect me, but he abused me instead. Everyone has a story of betrayal and why they can’t trust. Maybe a spouse had an affair. A co-worker lied and gossiped about you. A boss or supervisor harassed you and did not like you. The painful memories of being forsaken control how you respond to those around you today. Because of the antitrust wall around my heart, I could not give warmth and love to my family and friends.
Every human will fail you at one point or another because we all are sinners who fall short. You will fail someone who trusted you. Maybe you can’t be trusted because of the things you have done to hurt those around you. You may not have been faithful to protect the ones you were supposed to love. God wants to make you whole and trustworthy again. I will explain how to have hope for the restoration of your relationships. But first, you must STOP discounting yourself by reducing your value and thinking you don’t deserve better. You are valuable to God, and He wants to restore you and prosper you (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:17-18).
Do you have unrealistic expectations of the people in your life? Maybe you have unstated expectations, and you think they should know, so you wonder why they let you down. You may have specified your expectations, but the other person has not agreed to do what you expect. Unmet expectations lead to frustration, anger, and feeling disregarded, which then create painful memories. You then believe the person cannot be trusted, so you close your heart to them and everyone else. Is this something you can relate to? Read my short book to learn how to heal these painful memories: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories
Trust issues affect every living soul, and the painful memories need to be healed for the fruit of trust and faithfulness to grow in your life through the Holy Spirit. Only God can heal your heart and memories, so first, ask God to remove your pride and any deceptive spirits from you. I ask God to remove my pride because it always justifies why I shouldn’t trust and why I should be offended. Then, I ask God to remove deceptive spirits because they will convince you that you don’t have a problem and it is no big deal. Next, ask God to show you if you have the following unhealthy beliefs or something similar:
- I cannot trust; no one can be trusted
- I am awful; I have done awful things and thought awful thoughts. I can’t trust in anything except the coming punishment that I deserve.
- I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.
- I can’t trust anyone after what I have experienced, after what I have done, and after what I have seen.
- If I trust that things will work out and get better, then the coming pain is just that much more upsetting.
- I trust what I have in my own hands, in my bank account, what I own, and what I control.
- It is better to realize that everyone is out for himself, including me.
- I am trustworthy. The only time I do bad things is when it’s justified.
Write down the unhealthy beliefs you have relating to your trust issues. They may be some of the ones above or they may be different. Next, ask God to show you the painful memory or memories that created the unhealthy belief. Identify the vows you have made. For example, I vowed to never trust a man because they are self-centered. But, guess what, I was self-centered too. Go through the following prayer model to remove the offenses and the related unhealthy beliefs/vows.
- Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the contributors for each issue (problem, concern) such as the painful memory or memories of painful experiences or sin.
- Painful experiences could be from a trauma, a word curse, unmet expectations, betrayal, poor choices, or rejection.
- You may get an answer right away or you may have to wait a few days.
- Be conscious of the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking within your soul.
- All painful memories have a negative stress-energy that needs to be removed from your mind and cells of your body.
- Sin has negative spirit attachments that need to be removed by putting them off in Jesus’ name (see John 14:13 and 16:24).
- Sin is anything you do that is not loving and valuing others or loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
- Forgive those who sinned against you including yourself if necessary (see Matthew 6:14:15, Colossians 3:13, and Ephesians 4:32). WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE
- The first step in trusting others is forgiving those who broke your trust because we are all sinners in need of a savior and forgiveness.
- When you forgive, it breaks the power the offense has on your mind.
- Do not dwell on the painful memories but be quick to forgive, though you may need to grieve a loss, which is healing.
- Forgiveness releases you from the emotional control of the painful memories contributing to the issue needing healing.
- If you have a hard time forgiving, ask God to give you His grace to forgive others for their sins against you as He has forgiven your sins (see Matthew 6:12-15).
PRAY: “Dear Lord, I forgive (name of the person or persons) for causing the pain of __________.”
- Replace unhealthy beliefs with truth.
- Write down the lies or unhealthy beliefs the Holy Spirit reveals that are associated with the heart issue needing transforming by the truth.
- Next, write the truths to replace the unhealthy beliefs.
- For example, you may believe, “I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.” Replace this lie with this truth, “I can trust those who are trustworthy but understand they could let me down. I know I can trust God and He will help me to forgive and be patient with those who let me down including myself.”
- To understand how to use your authority in prayer read; Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer
PRAY: “Dear Lord, I loose the unhealthy belief of __________, and bind in the truth that ________, in Jesus’ name.”
- Repent of sins.
- List the sins you committed because of your wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs and decisions related to the issue needing healing.
- Confess them to God and ask His forgiveness and to take all your guilt and resentment away (see 1 John 1:9) in Jesus’ name.
- Last, write out a thank you to God for something He did to protect, provide for, or comfort you. For painful memories to heal, they need to be replaced by a positive memory.
There is hope for complete healing of trust as you tear down the wall around your heart by taking each brick of offense out of the wall. Choose to love others well knowing they are hurting people with walls and may choose to reject you. Jesus was rejected and still is.
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P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).