Have you ever thought, “My way is the better way,” or do you associate with someone who insists their way is the only way? Any time someone thinks that their idea or belief is better, there will be strife. This thought comes from the unhealthy belief that you are better than the other person, often making the other person tense and annoyed. The evidence is everywhere, especially in our political climate, where the liberals think their way is best and the conservative thinks their way is better. Can you spell conflict. I have come to realize that I am arrogant when I insist on my way. Peace can only be sustained when we humbly listen to each other, seek to be wiser, and value the other person we disagree with.
My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.
Where does the “My Way is Better” Belief Come From?
As I write this post, I feel I need to be transparent with you. I had a severe problem with the “It’s my way or the highway” false belief, which caused strife in my family and in myself. Thankfully, I have overcome this unhealthy belief, and now I live in peace with myself and my family. I expected my family to do everything my way, and if they didn’t, I punished them with my anger. I learned that love does not insist on its own way. 1Corinthians 13:4-5 states, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.” Before my heart transformation, I could not meet these expectations of love. You can read about my transformation in the post called WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story
The root cause of this unhealthy belief is self-centered pride, which stems from not feeling loved in your formative years. Because I did not feel loved, I developed a self-centered pride, which served me well when I wanted to accomplish a goal but not with relationships. And I could not handle criticism because I thought I did the best work, and my ideas were the best. Then, I was very defensive when someone didn’t like my idea or what I did, which caused strife. Do you see this in your life?
Because we live in a sinful, self-centered world with other self-centered people, not one of us can escape painful memories and negative heart issues from not feeling loved. Therefore, we all need an inner life transformation. Unresolved negative issues affect all our relationships and even our destiny. You can expose them by paying attention to what you think, say, and do.
Another source for this unhealthy belief is not trusting that the other person can or will do things the way you want them to be done. Not trusting comes from past disappointments, betrayal, and, again, not feeling loved. When you don’t get the things you want or when things are not done as you expect, you feel disappointed, which then causes anger, or you worry that your needs will not be met, or you won’t get what you want.
An unsuspecting source for this arrogant belief is ungratefulness, which is a sign of self-centered pride. Being thankful requires that we value others and the things they do or say. But when you don’t feel valued or have peace within yourself, you can’t show sincere thankfulness for what others do. Unthankful people are often critical and only see how they can do it better, which destroys peace.
What Is the Truth That Transforms this Unhealthy Belief?
The truth is that we can take every wrong thought and false belief captive and ask God to take it from us. Suppose you want to sustain peace in your relationships and within yourself. In that case, you need to forgive those who did not show you the love you needed or desired, then ask God to put His love into your heart.
Next, ask God to take the self-centered pride from your heart and give you the heart to serve others and value others as more important. Philippians 2:3-5 states, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.” Pray something like this:
Dear Lord, I put off my selfish pride and wanting things my way, and I put on the attitude and belief that I will do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit. I put on Christ’s attitude of humility and count others as more significant than myself. Lord, forgive me for looking to only satisfy my interests at the cost of creating strife and destroying relationships. Please help me not only to look to fulfill my interests but also to value the interests of others.
The truth is that when you want your way and think it is the best way, you don’t care about the other person and their needs and desires. You become jealous when someone gets their way and prevents you from getting what you want or expect. James 3:16-17 states, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile (evil; sinful) practice.17But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” Therefore, a person who seeks to be wise is also at peace with themselves and those around them. So strive to be humble and sincerely open to reason and other people’s ideas and desires. I can only imagine what the world would be like if everyone in the world would get rid of their self-centered pride and arrogance and humbly value others as more important than themselves.
How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs
1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts.
2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.
3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.
4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.
I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:
The peace of Christ rules in my heart, and I am thankful. Col. 3:15
I can be at peace with everyone and do good. Rom. 12:18; Heb. 12:14; 1 Pet. 3:11
I can be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for others. Titus 3:2
When I make peace, I will be blessed and be called a child of God. Matt. 5:9
I do not think of myself more highly than others, but in humility, I will regard others as more important than myself. Rom. 12:3; Phil. 2:3
1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories
ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL
Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?
The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control
Spiritual Warfare 3: HOW TO BATTLE FOR PEACE
Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without
Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to trust again.
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