How to Recognize and Eliminate Emotional Cancer

Emotional cancer stays hidden deep in your heart even when you think you are okay. It is infectious and spreads into other areas of your life, and it destroys your peace, joy, and righteousness (spiritual right thinking). God gave me this revelation last week when it was triggered by an email. It was hidden, and I didn’t realize I had it until it was triggered.

How did I discover I had emotional cancer?

Last week I received a layoff notice. I accept that I am getting laid off because of the hardship placed on the University from the COVID-19 pandemic, and I have a peace that God will provide for my needs and lead me to another job. In my last post, I describe how I was processing this difficult news and how I felt betrayed by the Department Head because she told us that all our jobs are secure and that everyone matters to her. So when I received an email from her, wanting to know when she could chat (her words), I became anxious, and for a lack of a better word, I felt this unsettling “grrrrr” inside my soul. I felt like the cat on my home page. Do you know that feeling?

I had forgiven her and put off my negative beliefs and turned it over to God, and I was doing good. So I thought. So, I read two of my blogs called “Being Thankful During Hard Times” and “Caution—How to Get Out of The Pit,” and they both helped me change my wrong thinking and refocus again on God’s promises. I didn’t know why I felt offended when I saw her email until I read a blog post about grief where the writer wrote about the need to tell your story and not to allow your grief to turn into resentment. As soon as I read the word “resentment,” I realized why I was still upset, it was resentment for being, well, betrayed.

What is resentment and how do we develop this emotional cancer?

The dictionary defines resentment as a feeling of indignation and showing displeasure toward a person, from a sense of being injured or offended by some act, remark, insult, etc. I felt injured by my Department Head and became offended. A person who has resentment will show anger and ill will for any real or perceived wrong or injury, which they believe is unfair. Resentments build up and grow in your heart throughout your life. These painful memories cause negative thinking and false beliefs, which continue to feed our resentment. When this emotional cancer is not exposed and healed, it leads to bitterness and hate. Job 7:11 states, “Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.” A bitter person only focuses on their pain and it prevents them from maturing. Have you noticed that the older a person gets, the more bitter they become? When my mother got dementia and could not remember her painful memories, she became a very pleasant, peaceful person for the first time in her life. Read, “Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory” to learn more.

How to know you have resentment.

Read the following questions. If you answer yes to any one of them, you have hidden resentment.

  • Do you complain about someone or something?
  • Do you dread being around a certain person?
  • When you hear a person’s name do you feel irritated with that person?
  • Do you feel something is unfair or someone was unfair to you?
  • Do you become depressed and pouty, or angry and unkind when you are disappointed?
  • Do you feel jealous or envious of someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages?
  • Do you feel hurt by something someone did or said?
  • Do you recognize you do not have peace, joy, and right thinking?

Why is feeling offended a sign you have the emotional cancer of resentment?

Most people do not realize they have offenses in their hearts. So be mindful of how you answer the questions in the previous section. When you experience emotional pain and displeasure from an unkind act, unfairness, mistreatment, disrespect, betrayal, unacceptance, and being ignored it creates a painful memory and an offense in your heart. Disappointment also creates a painful memory and causes us to be offended because we are not getting what we want and we feel it is unfair. Once you are offended, the seed of resentment is planted. We will always have disappointment, so resolving to maintain a forgiving and thankful attitude will prevent us from becoming offended and resentful. This is why it is essential to discipline your mind to stay on heavenly promises. Read how to develop heavenly thinking in the posts called Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded? and How to experience a heavenly life on earth.

Recall your last argument or the last time you were frustrated or disappointed. Using the definition of an offense, can you identify what you or the other person was offended about? Once you discover the cause of the offense, then you can work to solve it and heal the emotional cancer of resentment. My book called “Hope for Complete Healing” on my website identifies many causes for offense and the solution. I encourage you to read it so you can love well and have peace, joy, and right thinking. Also, read, “#1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution” for a better understanding of how destructive being offended is.

How do I eliminate resentment?

I recommend the following actions. First, capture the offending thoughts by acknowledging they exist. The evidence is not feeling peace, joy, and thinking the right thoughts. Second, once you acknowledge you are offended, then ask God to show you why you are offended. Third, forgive the person or persons involved. You may have to accept the situation you are disappointed by and trust God’s promises. Fourth, ask God to remove the wrong thinking and false beliefs about the situation and then to take out the seed of resentment sown in your heart. You don’t know you have resentment until it sprouts and takes root in your heart. So as soon as you realize you are offended by a perceived unfairness that causes disappointment, then immediately ask God to remove the seed of resentment before it causes problems.  If resentment is left go, it will become bitterness and hate, at which point, the emotional cancer is at stage 4. Hebrews12:15 tells us to “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” Please read the Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul for the prayer model, you can pray to eliminate offenses and resentments.

Conclusion:

You now know that emotional cancer is resentment and how it develops in your heart. I ask some questions to help you uncover the hidden resentments you may have. The key indicator you have this cancer is feeling offended. Eliminating emotional cancer is not easy but is necessary so it does not spread and affect your decisions and relationships. There is hope for healing resentment in your life, but you first need to ask God to expose it for Him to heal it. Jeremiah 17:9-10 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10) I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

RELATED POSTS

Love from a Pure Heart

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

Why Should I Forgive?

DISCOVER UNRESOLVED NEGATIVE HEART ISSUES

Do you know if you have unresolved childhood and negative heart issues? Because we live in an imperfect world with selfish people, we will be hurt and a negative heart issue begins.  Negative heart issues are created by our perception of what others have done to hurt us and what we have done to hurt others.  If these issues are not resolved then they control your thoughts, feelings, and reactions.  To begin discovering a new reality for your life start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

For example, I realized I felt disconnected from my friends and family, so I thought about my childhood and realized that both my father and mother had disconnected emotionally from me and from each other. Their emotional disconnection from me made me feel unloved, so I emotionally disconnect from them to block the pain of feeling unloved. This reaction carried over into all my relationships, including my relationship with God. I went through the steps for resolving negative heart issues, and I now feel more emotionally connected to my husband, family, and friends.  I am now able to mentally process disappointment when my husband does not do what I expect. I am also aware of emotional disconnection issues with other relationships that also need to be resolved.

To begin discovering a new reality for your life start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

The following questions will help you discover your unresolved childhood and negative heart issues that you still have to this day.

1. Do you have angry outbursts when people do things you don’t like (i.e. people don’t drive correctly, or someone does not meet your expectation)?

2. Do you crave acceptance and feel you are a people pleaser and need people’s approval?

3. Do you have feelings of guilt for things you have done or didn’t do to those you should have loved?

4. Are you jealous or envious of someone’s advantage or position in the family or at work?

5.  Do you insist on having things your way or live with someone who insists on having things their way?

6.  Do you have feelings of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, or person?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the LOVE Issues worksheet.


7. Are you sad and feel despair most of the time?

8. Do you find yourself often doing things to escape loneliness and discontentment?

9. Do you have low expectations of people; that is, you are despondent and feel no hope?

10.  Do you feel like you have no worth because others have treated you or still do treat you as not having worth?

11.  Do you complain and express dissatisfaction often or have you been the recipient?

12.  Do you feel humiliation and shame?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the JOY Issues worksheet.


13. Are you often anxious and worried?

14. Are you immobilized by fear that prevents you from being able to reason logically?

15.  Do you feel tense and nervous in certain situations and around certain people?

16.  Do you feel agitated with someone because they offended you by something they did, did not do; said, or did not say?

17. Have you experienced strife?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the PEACE Issues worksheet.


18. Do unfair actions upset you?

19.  Are you frustrated or impatient when your expectations are not met or is someone frustrated or impatient with you?

20.  Do you have unrealistic expectations or does someone have unrealistic expectations of you?

21.  Do you find yourself irritated a lot or is someone often irritated with you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the PATIENCE Issues worksheet.


22. Have you been neglected, abandoned, or rejected or have you done the same thing to someone?

23.  Have you been hurt by someone who was mean, rude, or rough toward you or have you been mean, rude, or rough to someone?

24.  Have you been vengeful or has someone been vindictive toward you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the KINDNESS Issues worksheet.


25. Do you tend to judge people and circumstances?

26. Do you feel guilt from the things you have done?

27. Has someone made you feel inadequate and devalued or have you done the same to someone.

28. Do you find yourself being self-centered and do not want to sacrifice for others?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the GOODNESS Issues worksheet.


29. Do you feel disappointed when your desires are not met and feel no one cares?

30. Do you find you need to lie sometimes to protect yourself or to manipulate the desired outcome and what people think?

31.  Have you been a recipient of someone who has lied about you?

32.  Do you feel betrayed, victimized, or deceived or have you done this to someone?

33.  Are you defiant or sometimes resist or challenge authority?

34.  Do you feel you cannot trust others or place your confidence in others?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues worksheet.


35. Do you have chronic health problems and mental distresses?

36. Have you been known to brag and dismiss people because you feel better than them or has this been done to you?

37.  Do you sometimes condemn others by strongly disapproving or has someone done this to you?

38. Do you sometimes feel foolish or contemptible and have no dignity?

39.  Are you rough and impatient at times or has someone been rough and impatient with you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues worksheet.


40. Are you sensitive when people let you down, and do you want to control people and situations?

41. Do you like your harmful desire(s) and action(s) too much, even though they are destructive?

42. Do you feel disconnected from family and friends?

43.  Are you not willing to work or exert yourself and feel you deserve special treatment or has someone told this to you?

44.  Do you overreact during stressful circumstances?

45.  Do you try to control and manipulate people and situations or has this been done to you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the SELF-CONTROL Issues worksheet.

RELATED POSTS:

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

HOW FEAR CONTROLS YOU!

What should you fear? What is fear? Fear is a thought that controls your beliefs and decisions.  We mostly fear the unknown. If you are afraid of germs or the virus, then you will protect yourself.  If you are afraid of snakes, spiders, or mice, then you will scream and run away or try to kill them.  There are many fears a person can have, and some are irrational fears.  Have you seen the movie “What About Bob?” starring Bill Murry and Richard Dreyfus?  This movie depicts how irrational fear controls the life of Bob, played by Bill Murry.

Irrational Fears.

Many fears are irrational thoughts that can be overwhelming but can be overcome. Most fears usually originate from a bad experience, your imagination, or from what you watch on TV (i.e. news) or in the movies, and what you read.  For the life of me, I do not understand how people can watch horror shows. Fearful images remain in your memory and cause stress in your body, which leads to illnesses.  Traumatic memories that trigger fears can be healed so the fear no longer controls you.  To heal traumatic memories read my short book.

For example, irrational fear controls people who are preparing for the worst disasters that may never happen. Of all things, we are experiencing a pandemic and are told to stay in isolation, so everyone is buying up all the toilet paper, cleaners, hand sanitizers, etc. You should have at least 1-3 months of necessities on hand to help you get through  most difficult times.  I am glad I have three months of toilet paper in my what-if storage shelf because we can’t find it anywhere.

You can transform fear into peace, by replacing the fearful thoughts with reassuring thoughts of protection.  Read through all the Psalms and note every passage related to protection, deliverance from troubles, and God as your refuge. Write key verses out that help you feel peaceful and review them. This exercise will greatly encourage you and strengthen your faith.  Read my blog series on Psalm 91 – Psalm 91 Posts

What should you fear?

You should fear God.  Not in an irrational way but because you want to stay in a right relationship with Him by not sinning. The fear of God is to be in awe of His mighty power and love, which causes you to turn away from doing evil. When you sin you do evil because evil is disobeying God and doing and saying things to harm or cause trouble for other people (Webster dictionary also see Romans 6). Proverbs 3:7 states, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.” And Proverbs 8:13 states, “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.” Believe and know, God strongly supports you when your heart is completely His and you are submitted to Him. 2Chronicals 16:9 states, “For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him.

Pride keeps you in fear of the wrong things, like the fear of man instead of God.  Fear of rejection causes you to do anything to not be rejected, even if it is sin.  Pride keeps you from being in awe of God and submitting to His authority and turning from your sin. Proverbs 22:4 states, “The reward for humility and fear of the LORD is riches and honor and life.” Is this something you would like? Read “How Pride Destroys

What are the benefits of fearing God?

  1. God’s angel protects you, and you will be blessed, and you will lack nothing. Psalms 34:7-9 states, “The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 8) Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! 9) Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!
  2. God will help you and shield you from all harm. Psalm 115:11 states, “You who fear the LORD, trust in the LORD! He is their help and their shield.Proverbs 19:23The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.
  3. You will have confidence and you will feel safe. Proverb 14:26 states, “In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and His children shall have a place of refuge.
  4. You will have wisdom and know what to do. Psalms 111:10 states, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding.
  5. You will have a long life. Proverbs 10:27The fear of the LORD prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be short.

Conclusion:

Being fearful is our natural inclination.  But it is better to fear God and be under His protection and provision than to fear the things going on around you or to fear people and what they may do or think.  To keep your peace and not be afraid, claim the promises in your Bible, especially the Psalms, and stay away from the things that put fear into your mind. If you have an irrational fear that is controlling your life, please seek help or read my short book on my website.

I hope this post has helped you, and I am praying for you.

RELATED POSTS:

How to Embrace the Challenge of Change with Grace

Bondage to Unseen Controls

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

What Controls Your Thoughts?

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

TRUST Leads to PEACE


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

How Patience is a Sign of Maturity

Did you pray for patience, then went through difficulties? Or, do frustrating things happen all the time, but now you realize you need more patience?  So, why is patience so hard and why do difficulties increase patience? You can determine your level of patience by making a note of how you react to other drivers on the road.  I was over-reactive and impatient with everyone, including myself. And driving was very stressful for me.  This post explains why you can’t be patient, why you should be patient, and how you can be patient.

I learned that mature people are patient because they are not self-centered.  They know that getting upset when something doesn’t go as planned does not change anything, except create stress.  And mature people understand life is not fair so they accept it and choose to live in peace.

When we can’t be patient.

  1. You can’t be patient when you believe something is unfair, especially when suffering an unjust wrong. Can you remember a time when you protested that something was unfair? When you felt this, you developed an offense to the unfair treatment or event. It could be a discipline you felt was unfair, the death of someone close to you, not getting what you asked for, etc.  That offense created a painful memory you may have forgotten about.  The painful memory still exists and has created unhealthy beliefs that cause you to over-react or become frustrated and irritated when an event happens that triggers unhealthy beliefs.  To heal those painful memories, read my short book on my website: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories
  2. You can’t be patient when you are not at peace with yourself or others because you are offended.  Read: Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory
  3. You can’t be patient if you are self-centered? Pride thwarts patience because pride wants to be in control of what happens.  Prideful people do not think they have to wait, be inconvenienced, or endure hardships.  Read my posts on pride to learn more: The Core Negative Heart Issue and HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

Why be Patient?

  1. Be patient to reduce stress in your life and stress in those around you. Have you been around an impatient person?  Did you feel stress?  For example, waiting in a long line or waiting in a traffic jam can test your patience.  If you get upset and frustrated, will that help the line move faster?  No, it only increases your blood pressure and the blood pressure of those waiting in the same line. Stress causes health problems in you and the surrounding people.
  2. Be patient and hopeful and do not worry because you know God will act on your behalf and do miracles. When you get impatient because something is not happening fast enough, you become anxious, which causes physiological stress that then affects your health.
  3. Be patient and eliminate strife. When you are not patient, you will say and do unkind things.  Read: Relationship and World Changing Kindness
  4. Be patient because love is patient (see 1Corinthians 13:4). When you are patient with other people, it shows you love them. God tells us to love others as Jesus loves them and as we would want them to love us.  Ephesians 4:2 states, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,”  Notice, being patient means we bear with others.  When you bear with others, you are self-controlled when subjected to annoyance or provocation, which requires humility and gentleness.  Read my posts on self-control to learn more: Self-control and Maturity and How to be Self-controlled in What We Say
  5. Patience is the fruit of the Spirit. Therefore, patience is a sign of a mature Christian who yields to the work of the Holy Spirit through the trials and hardships of life.  Thankfulness is evidence of patience.  Read: Being Thankful During Hardships
  6. Be patient because Jesus is patient. 1Timothy 1:16 states, “But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” So, we too are called to be patient (see Romans 12:12; 1Theselonians 5:14; James 5:7; and James 5:8 states, “You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

How to be Patient.

  1. Webster defines being patient as the bearing (enduring) of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, or irritation. Are you patient according to this definition? If not, go through the Patience Issues Worksheet and the chapter called “Finding Painful Memories” to heal the painful memories and unhealthy beliefs, so you can be mature and patient.
  2. Acknowledge you are prideful and ask God to take it from you and then give you His humility and gentleness towards other people’s issues.  Work through MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues
  3. Do you have a hard time waiting? Hope helps you wait with patience. Romans 8:25 states, “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.Romans 12:12 states, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulations, and be constant in prayer.”  Doing this will help you wait with patience.
  4. Ask God to show you the painful memories of offenses of when people were not patient with you or you were not patient. Then go through the healing described in “5 Steps to Heal the Soul.” Painful memories and unhealthy beliefs prevent the fruit of patience from manifesting in your life. As I have healed the painful memories of unfair treatments and disappointments, I have been much more patient and calmer than ever before. Since my painful memories were healed, I have stopped over-reacting and being controlled by my emotions.
  5. Put on patience and love. Colossians 3:12&13 states, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Slowly, read this verse again.  You are chosen.  You are holy.  You are beloved.  Another sign of patience is forgiving someone when you feel offended.  If this is hard for you to do read: WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE
  6. You develop patience by going through hardships, to become strong and complete. James 1:3-5 states, “for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness (patience, endurance). 4) And let steadfastness (patience) have its full effect (perfect work), that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” 

Conclusion

You don’t want to pray for patience, but developing patience is necessary to be mature and complete.  To become patient, you practice being patient during difficult and trying circumstances.  Just like you have to practice an instrument or a sport to be good at it. Practicing is hard work and often not pleasant.

You also need to put off pride and painful memories so the fruit of the spirit of patience can grow in your life.  Just like getting the rocks and weeds out of your garden allows your flowers and vegetables to grow.  Last, you are to be patient because Jesus is patient with you.  Having peace, being forgiving, and being kind is the evidence of being patient.

I would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment.

RELATED POSTS:

7 Ways to Suffer Well: (Part 1)

Example of Suffering Well and God’s Response: Part 2 of Suffering Well

Patience — Freedom from Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to Trust Again.

Have you been betrayed by someone you thought you could trust?  Have you experienced being forsaken by someone you love?  I have. God is the only one who will always be faithful and loyal to you, then your dog and maybe UPS delivery would be next.

I am offended by those who disregarded me, so how can I trust again?  You are disregarded when you are ignored, neglected, and not treated with respect. I will share later how to take those thoughts captive, so you are no longer controlled by the offenses. Each offense is like a brick in a wall. You build the wall with one offense after another to protect your heart from being hurt and disappointed again.  The wall also keeps you from experiencing the benefits of trusting and loving other people.  When you don’t trust you will live in fear that something bad will happen to you.  Fear erodes your relationships.  So, in this post, I will explain how to tear down your wall, one offense at a time so you can live in freedom and have peace and joy.  See my last post for an explanation of how to have peace and joy all the time in your life.  How to experience a heavenly life on earth.

For example, I trusted my father to love and cherish me, but he abused me then forsook me at 15 when he left and never contacted me again.  I trusted my mother to nurture and affirm me, but she was angry and dismissive.  I trusted my sisters to have my back and support me, but they were angry, violent, and self-centered.  I trusted my friends at school to be loyal and encouraging, but they humiliated me.  I trusted teachers and church leaders to protect me, but they looked the other way.  I trusted my first husband to love and protect me, but he abused me instead. Everyone has a story of betrayal and why they can’t trust.  Maybe a spouse had an affair.  A co-worker lied and gossiped about you.  A boss or supervisor harassed you and did not like you.  The painful memories of being forsaken control how you respond to those around you today.  Because of the antitrust wall around my heart, I could not give warmth and love to my family and friends.

Every human will fail you at one point or another because we all are sinners who fall short. You will fail someone who trusted you. Maybe you can’t be trusted because of the things you have done to hurt those around you.  You may not have been faithful to protect the ones you were supposed to love. God wants to make you whole and trustworthy again.  I will explain how to have hope for the restoration of your relationships. But first, you must STOP discounting yourself by reducing your value and thinking you don’t deserve better. You are valuable to God, and He wants to restore you and prosper you (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:17-18).

Do you have unrealistic expectations of the people in your life?  Maybe you have unstated expectations, and you think they should know, so you wonder why they let you down.  You may have specified your expectations, but the other person has not agreed to do what you expect.  Unmet expectations lead to frustration, anger, and feeling disregarded, which then create painful memories. You then believe the person cannot be trusted, so you close your heart to them and everyone else. Is this something you can relate to?  Read my short book to learn how to heal these painful memories: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Trust issues affect every living soul, and the painful memories need to be healed for the fruit of trust and faithfulness to grow in your life through the Holy Spirit.  Only God can heal your heart and memories, so first, ask God to remove your pride and any deceptive spirits from you.  I ask God to remove my pride because it always justifies why I shouldn’t trust and why I should be offended.  Then, I ask God to remove deceptive spirits because they will convince you that you don’t have a problem and it is no big deal. Next, ask God to show you if you have the following unhealthy beliefs or something similar:

  • I cannot trust; no one can be trusted
  • I am awful; I have done awful things and thought awful thoughts. I can’t trust in anything except the coming punishment that I deserve.
  • I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.
  • I can’t trust anyone after what I have experienced, after what I have done, and after what I have seen.
  • If I trust that things will work out and get better, then the coming pain is just that much more upsetting.
  • I trust what I have in my own hands, in my bank account, what I own, and what I control.
  • It is better to realize that everyone is out for himself, including me.
  • I am trustworthy. The only time I do bad things is when it’s justified.

Write down the unhealthy beliefs you have relating to your trust issues.  They may be some of the ones above or they may be different.  Next, ask God to show you the painful memory or memories that created the unhealthy belief.  Identify the vows you have made.  For example, I vowed to never trust a man because they are self-centered.  But, guess what, I was self-centered too. Go through the following prayer model to remove the offenses and the related unhealthy beliefs/vows.

  1. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the contributors for each issue (problem, concern) such as the painful memory or memories of painful experiences or sin.
    • Painful experiences could be from a trauma, a word curse, unmet expectations, betrayal, poor choices, or rejection.
    • You may get an answer right away or you may have to wait a few days.
    • Be conscious of the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking within your soul.
    • All painful memories have a negative stress-energy that needs to be removed from your mind and cells of your body.
    • Sin has negative spirit attachments that need to be removed by putting them off in Jesus’ name (see John 14:13 and 16:24).
    • Sin is anything you do that is not loving and valuing others or loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
  1. Forgive those who sinned against you including yourself if necessary (see Matthew 6:14:15, Colossians 3:13, and Ephesians 4:32).  WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE
    • The first step in trusting others is forgiving those who broke your trust because we are all sinners in need of a savior and forgiveness.
    • When you forgive, it breaks the power the offense has on your mind.
    • Do not dwell on the painful memories but be quick to forgive, though you may need to grieve a loss, which is healing.
    • Forgiveness releases you from the emotional control of the painful memories contributing to the issue needing healing.
    • If you have a hard time forgiving, ask God to give you His grace to forgive others for their sins against you as He has forgiven your sins (see Matthew 6:12-15).

PRAY: “Dear Lord, I forgive (name of the person or persons) for causing the pain of __________.”

  1. Replace unhealthy beliefs with truth.
    • Write down the lies or unhealthy beliefs the Holy Spirit reveals that are associated with the heart issue needing transforming by the truth.
    • Next, write the truths to replace the unhealthy beliefs.
    • For example, you may believe, “I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.” Replace this lie with this truth, “I can trust those who are trustworthy but understand they could let me down.  I know I can trust God and He will help me to forgive and be patient with those who let me down including myself.”
    • To understand how to use your authority in prayer read; Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

PRAY: “Dear Lord, I loose the unhealthy belief of __________, and bind in the truth that ________, in Jesus’ name.”

  1. Repent of sins.
    • List the sins you committed because of your wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs and decisions related to the issue needing healing.
    • Confess them to God and ask His forgiveness and to take all your guilt and resentment away (see 1 John 1:9) in Jesus’ name.
  1. Last, write out a thank you to God for something He did to protect, provide for, or comfort you. For painful memories to heal, they need to be replaced by a positive memory.

There is hope for complete healing of trust as you tear down the wall around your heart by taking each brick of offense out of the wall.  Choose to love others well knowing they are hurting people with walls and may choose to reject you.  Jesus was rejected and still is.

RELATED POSTS:

Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People

Being Thankful During Hardships

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

The Core Negative Heart Issue

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

How to Experience a Heavenly Life on Earth.

Living a heavenly life sounds too good to be true, but you can, and I will show you how.  Because I care about you, I will explain how to experience a life of flourishing growth through righteousness, peace, and joy.  Romans 14:6 states, “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.”  Please join me in my journey of experiencing the kingdom of God at this present time.  This does not mean you won’t have hardships, but you will experience a heavenly life that raises you above the hardships.  Does this sound good to you?  The key that opens the door to heavenly living is your attitude.  An attitude of rejoicing always, praying without ceasing, and being thankful for everything (1Theselonians 5:16-18).

Experiencing the Kingdom of God in this present age can only happen when you submit everything into God’s care first.  Many who call themselves Christians are not submitted to God and are spiritually dead because they do not have righteousness, peace, and joy. Have you been around a “Christian” who is dishonest, angry or depressed, and an ungrateful, sour person?  What I describe are signs of spiritual death.  I was that kind of Christian for many years until I discovered how to heal the painful memories of hurt and offenses to have peace and joy.  Read my short book on my website to learn how to heal painful memories so you can live the heavenly life to the fullest on earth. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

In the last post, you learned how the Spirit gives life.  In this post, you will learn what the role of righteousness, peace, and joy are in the life-giving process.  Our text is Romans 8:10, which states, “But if (the Spirit of) Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.”  Read my last two posts for context: HOW TO BE IN CONTROL OF LIFE and How does the Spirit give life?

Where did spiritual death through sin come from and what is life through righteousness? 

Romans 5:17 states, “For if, because of one man’s trespass (Adam’s disobedience), death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.” So, through the Spirit, you can put to death the deeds of the body and let righteousness rule your spirit and live the heavenly life.  Just as eternal life is a gift from God (see Ephesians 2:8 and Romans 6:23) so righteousness is a gift.  The following verses verify the correlation between life and righteousness.

Psalm 119:40 states, “Behold, I long for your precepts (direction for moral conduct); in your righteousness give me life!

Proverb 12:28 states, “In the path of righteousness is life, and in its pathway,  there is no death.

Romans 6:13 states, “Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.”

In these verses, you learn that righteousness is the reason the Spirit is life.  So, what is righteousness?  According to dictionary.com righteousness is the quality or state of being righteous and righteous means acting in an upright, moral way (knowing right from wrong); virtuous. So, what do we have to do?   2Timothy 2:22 tells us, “So flee youthful passions (selfish thinking) and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

How do you pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace?

You pursue righteousness by putting your faith in Jesus Christ’s ability to help you do what is right because He is your righteousness (see Romans 1:17; 3:22).  Pursue faith by reading God’s Word and memorizing Scripture (see Romans 10:17).  Become more loving by putting off pride and forgiving those who sin against you (see Matthew 6:12-14 and 1Corinthians 13:4-7).  Increase in peace by giving all your problems to God, trusting Him, and be thankful (Philippians 4:6,7).  If possible, you are to live peaceably with everyone (see Romans 12:18 and Hebrews 12:14).  Your heart becomes pure when you purify your soul from fleshly sins and obey the truth in God’s Word, then you can love one another (see 1Peter 1:22).

The evidence of righteousness is holiness and peace.

When you purify your soul, you become holy as explained in 2Corinthians 7:1. “Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.”  The fear of God is reverent awe and a desire to please Him, knowing He disciplines us.  Hebrews 12:9-11 states, “Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10) For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.  11) For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it”. And, Isaiah 5:16b explains, “the Holy God shows himself holy in righteousness.”

Isaiah 32:17 also tells us, “And the effect of righteousness will be peace and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.”  Do you think peace and quietness are better than the turmoil resulting from setting your mind on your selfish desires and sinful behavior?  Do you have peace and quietness in your life right now?  Isaiah gives us a clue as to why you may not have peace.  Isaiah 48:18 states, “Oh that you had paid attention (listened) to my commandments (instructions)! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea;”  When we obey God and do what He instructs us to do, then we will have righteousness and peace.  This is living a heavenly life.

To increase your righteousness and know abundant life, you must make peace with others.  James 3:18 states, “And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”  Making peace with others can be difficult.  Romans 12:17 & 18 explains, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable (upright, moral) in the sight of all. 18) If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”  And, Hebrews 12:14 encourages us to, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”  Peace and holiness are essential pursuits if you want to experience the heavenly life and see the Lord in eternity.  If you have a problem being at peace, work through the instructions in my book to remove past offenses that keep you from living in peace and joy.

For example, someone was throwing trash in my yard as they drove up a private dirt road that runs along my property and in my front yard along the main road.  I was losing my peace over it and through a process of elimination I figured out who it could have been.  I began to roil inside.  Then I thought, wait a minute, I am no longer living above my problems.  So, I captured my thoughts and turned them into a prayer and began to rejoice in God’s goodness and mercy and thanked him for blessing me.  I had just memorized Romans 12:17&18, so I thought about how I can bless the person throwing trash in my yard.  I came home that very evening from work and my side yard along the dirt road was all cleaned up and no trash has been thrown in since.  Praise the Lord.  Do you see how living the heavenly life of righteousness, peace, and joy is better than revenge, worry, and anger?

There is hope for complete spiritual healing as you pursue righteousness, peace, and joy with the help of the Spirit and live a heavenly life above all hardships.


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

RELATED POSTS:

How do you seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness?

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Victorious Thinking to Live a Successful Life

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Being Thankful During Hardships

Three Steps to Renew Your Mind (Part Two)

Have you seen transformation shows on TV? Isn’t it amazing how they transform people, houses, yards, and furniture?  I refinished a lot of furniture in my time, and the part I hated most was stripping off the old paint.  But it was worth the effort when the project was completed.  Renewing your mind is a similar process.  The mind determines what you think, perceive, feel, and believe, which then influences your decisions and behaviors.  So, when you renew your mind you are transforming your life.

First, gather your supplies, in the case of renewing your mind, you must make sure you have God’s forgiveness and salvation through Jesus Christ.  Read part one if you haven’t already;  Forgiven and Saved? Now Renew Your Mind (Part One)

Next, find out what you are dealing with, ask God to search your heart and mind to show what sinful and wrong thoughts control your behavior (Jeremiah 17:10; Revelation 2:23; Psalm 139:23-24).  Write them down so you know what to tackle first.  To make this job easier, you need to remove pride first, read  The Core Negative Heart Issue

The two tools you need are Scripture and prayer.  The prayer tool is the binding and loosing principle.  Matthew 16:19b and 18:18 states, “whatever you bind (Greek meaning: knit, tie, fasten) on earth will be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose (Greek meaning: release, destroy, put off) on earth will be loosed in heaven.”  You loose wrong thoughts the same way you loose and remove rust and old paint, then you bind on truthful thoughts the same way you put on a new coat of paint.  To learn more about authority in prayer read; Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

Ephesians 4:22-24 explains the instructions, put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires (lusts), and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Corrupt in this passage means perverted, which deviates from what is right, natural, or true.  Deceit is the act of representing as true what is false; a lie; a trick.  Lust is an intense desire to gratify the senses; bodily appetite or pleasure.

Do these three exercises to renew your mind and transform your life:

  1. Put off fleshly desires (sin nature).  “For the mind set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot.  Those who are in the flesh cannot please God (see Romans 8:7-8).  Gal 5:19-21 states, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Colossians 3:5-7 tells us to, “Put to death (crucify); therefore, what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.  6) On account of these, the wrath of God is coming.  7) In these, you too once walked, when you were living in them.”  We have divine power to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ Jesus (see 2Corinthians 10:3-5). Begin by removing one sinful, wrong thought at a time.  Next, put on the corresponding characteristic of the Holy Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness/meekness, faithfulness/truthfulness, and Self-control found on my website.
  1. Put on your new self, which is the image of God, righteous and holy.  Review Ephesians 4:23-24 above.  Colossians 3:10 also states, “put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator (Jesus).”  Wow!  Our new self is in the likeness and image of Jesus, and we are righteous and holy (see Eph. 4:24)!  Our new self does not automatically happen in one instance, but we transform one thought at a time by renewing our minds with the truth of God’s Word.
  1. Now live according to the Spirit by setting your mind on the things of the Spirit, which is truth.  Just as you live, abide, and spend time in your home, live, abide, and spend time in God’s Word.  Read my post called; Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

John 8:31-32 states, “So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Also, John 15:7 tells us, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”  What a great promise.

Romans 8:13-14 states, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons [and daughters] of God.

Gal 5:16 states, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”  Live and walk according to the Spirit by showing His fruit in your life. – Galatians 5:22-24 states, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24) And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  You keep your mind on the Spirit by turning every thought into a prayer, praising Him, and pondering Scripture.

You also need to renew your painful memories, explained in my book on my website.  Also, on my website is a worksheet for each characteristic of the fruit of the Spirit.  Each worksheet lists wrong thoughts, beliefs, right thoughts, and transformational truth statements.

I hope the information in this post helps you to be victorious over sin and addictions.  Renewing our inner self is a day by day process.  There is hope for complete healing and victory as you submit your mind to God and His truth in His Word.  I appreciate your comments because I like to learn from others.

RELATED POSTS

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

Begin reading my book: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

A child has no filter when they speak. A child will speak whatever is on their mind. As adults, we think it is cute. When an adult has no filter, it is not cute, just offensive. Self-control begins in your mind. Your mind determines what you think, perceive, feel, and believe, which influences your decisions and behaviors. Your mind stores memories of the past and present that controls your thoughts and feelings. So, to be self-controlled we must transform our minds.

My last two posts explain how and why childhood issues need to be transformed so we can be self-controlled. The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control   and Self-control and Maturity.

Do you know what is in your mind? What you think? How you feel?

To transform your mind, you first must become aware of what is in your mind. Since God is the all-knowing Spirit who created us, ask Him to show you, because He knows all your thoughts and ways. Psalm 139:1-4 state, “O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2) You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3) You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4) Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. Jeremiah 17:9,10 state, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10) ‘I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.’” Also read Revelations 2:23. If you do not want to be rewarded according to your evil thoughts, then you need to ask God to reveal them, so you can repent and put them out of your mind. Remember, we reap a lot more than we sow (see Galatians 6:7,8). Psalm 139:23,24 state, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!

How do we transform our minds?

The bible says a lot about how we are to think and be self-controlled in all areas of our life. In fact, Romans 12:2 tells us “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Transforming your mind happens as you look to Jesus for help as you read the Scriptures. Transform means to take another form and renew means to make new. The phrase, “that by testing you may discern” is also translated in the King James Version as “that you may prove.” The meaning of these two phrases is commonly applied to testing the quality of metals by fire. Spiritually, these two phrases indicate, as your mind is renewed you will be able to pass the test and understand the will of God, and what is written in the Bible. So, as your mind is renewed you will become more self-controlled and will be able to love well. My short-book on my website explains the scientific and spiritual research for why and how to transform our minds to achieve a self-controlled life.

How to control your tongue.

When we control how we think with the help of God, then we can control how we speak, and be mature. This can only be done by continually abiding with Jesus in the heavenly places through prayer, which can be accomplished by turning every thought into a prayer. See my post called, Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

The Bible says we are to bridle our tongue to control it, like we bridle a horse to control it. James 1:26 states, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” And, James 3:2,3 state, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle (control) his whole body. 3)  If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.” Some people have problems gossiping, complaining, being critical, and arguing. Why?  How can we live blameless lives before God (Philippians 1:9-11)?

(Update:  I know I am being vulnerable, but I hope it helps you in some way.  A few days after I posted this, I wrote a negative venting email to my friend while under the control of my feelings, and spoke negative about my someone.  I felt the conviction to not write what I did (should have heeded the Holy Spirit), but I did it anyway.  At 4:30 a.m. the next morning, God put His finger on my heart about it.  I repented and ask Him what I could do to not let my feelings control my responses.  God said (paraphrase), talk to Him first.  A few hours later, I had the opportunity to do just that.  I prayed about a difficult situation I was getting emotional about and WOW, it worked.  I was able to respond logically and under the Holy Spirit’s control.)

It is one thing to know the right thing to do and say, but another thing to do it.  For example, I wrote a helpful post called Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without   so I know what I should be thinking, now I need to discipline myself to do this daily.  You can never be perfect at something unless you practice all the time.  You have my permission to print out my post on “Thoughts that Create Peace Within and Without” to practice training your mind.  The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:9: What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

When events don’t go as planned is stressful, and we sometimes, or often, lose self-control of our feelings and do and say things we shouldn’t.  The next time you are tempted to lose control of your emotions, excuse yourself from the situation and answer the following questions to bridle your tongue before your mouth spills hurtful words.

What is the expectation not being met? (Take a deep breath and accept the disappointment and the fact that not everything will go the way you want it to.)

  1. What are the wrong thoughts I need to capture and loose from my mind?  (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you.  It may not be right away, but He will.)
  2. What is the false belief or offense driving my thoughts, which need to be loosed from my mind?  (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you, and the memory that needs to be healed.)
  3. What is the problem that needs to be solved?
  4. What are some solutions?
  5. What are Biblical truths I can bind to my mind to renew it and transform my attitude.
  6. What can I be thankful for?

There is hope for complete transformation of your reactions when you depend on God to show what is in your mind and seek His help to renew your mind through the Holy Scriptures. You can be self-controlled in what you say as your mind is transformed by God’s love.

Helpful posts to read:

POSTS on Thoughts

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

We are told to be self-controlled and disciplined. But why can’t we? What blocks us from being self-controlled and disciplined? As I pondered this question and reflected on my own self-control issues, God showed me it is because of my pride and resentment.

In the last post, I wrote of our need to give up childish thinking, which includes childhood resentments. So, how do we know if our thinking is childish? Children are emotionally reactive when they don’t get what they want. In fact, we are born with a prideful, self-centered, sin nature, that causes us to focus on our own wants and needs. To have a base understand for this post please read my last post Self-control and Maturity

What does healthy emotional self-control look like?

People who have emotional self-control do not over-react, but are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (see James 1:19). In the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey, he describes what it means to be a principle-centered person and not reactive. Instead of being reactive self-controlled people are proactive. Principle-centered people stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on them, and they evaluate the options.

Besides the Bible, this book was the next best book to helped me transform my wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs.  Covey’s book describes how a healthy person should think and act. I wrote thought transforming truth statements for each chapter of Covey’s book and put them on my website called, Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

What is resentment and how do we develop it?

The dictionary defines resent as feeling or showing displeasure and indignation at (some act, remark, insult, etc.) or toward a person, from a sense of being injured or offended. A person who has resentment will show anger and ill will for any real or perceived wrong or injury, which they believe is unfair. If you remain resentful, you will become bitter, which will keep you self-focused and prevent you from maturing. The dictionary defines bitter as causing or showing sorrow, discomfort, or pain, and bitterness is feeling or showing hate or resentment. When people are prevented from getting what they want, they will show anger and resentment in how they respond. Resentment will control your reactions when triggered, as I explain later in this post.

Watch how you react to disappointment.

When we become depressed and pouty, or angry and unkind, it is because we have become offended by a disappointment. Disappointment creates an offense when there is a real or perceived sense of unfairness, and you feel wounded. Dealing with disappointment in a healthy way will prevent becoming offended and resentful. So, if you currently become offended by disappointment when someone or something does not do what you want, it shows self-centered immaturity. To learn more, read #1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution.

I recommend the following actions to handle disappointment in a healthy way. First, capture (acknowledge) offended thoughts.  Offended thoughts are evident when you do not feel peace and joy. Once you acknowledge you are offended, then ask what disappointed me? Next, forgive the person who has disappointed you or accept the situation you are disappointed by.

For example, if you did not get a raise, or was demoted. You may feel disappointed or you may feel it was unfair and become offended and resentful. If you were honest, you will first feel depressed, angry, and resentful, which is very destructive. Remove yourself from the emotional response and seek to understand and learn why, then either develop a plan to do better, or accept it and move on to another job you can excel at.

A personal example. I was disappointed when my husband could not help me with a garden project that I wanted to get done that day. It so happened, my husband had lost his driver’s license, so he was focused on finding his license, then getting it replaced. Instead of understanding his situation, I became offended and let wrong thoughts control my emotions and spoke hurtful things in revenge for disappointing me. I know I am not the only one with this problem, and therefore, I am writing about self-control right now.

I began to capture my wrong thinking and loose them from my mind, next, I asked God’s forgiveness, and then replaced my wrong thoughts with truthful thoughts of thankfulness, see my post A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER. But I did not gain full self-controlled until I accepted my disappointment and loosed the false beliefs concerning my husband that controlled my destructive behavior. I have a great husband and I should be thankful. I repented and asked my husband for forgiveness. My husband put Proverbs 25:18 on the bathroom mirror, and I have been pondering that verse ever since. To understand how false beliefs control our emotions, read UNHEALTHY BELIEFS: What are they and where do they come from?

God showed me how my wrong thoughts were created by painful memories of resentment. When I was a teen, my mother made my sisters and me do all the chores, including laundry, cooking, and hand-washing dishes for five people. I developed resentment because I perceived my sisters did not do their part, and I felt this was unfair and became resentful. My mother had just divorced my father, and went off to college, so she was focused on getting her education and did not help either. I never saw my father again, which created a host of issues.  So, I did not have parental guidance to learn how to handle disappointments and the resulting resentment.

I went through the five steps to heal my heart and purify my soul to heal these resentments.  See; Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. God also showed me I had current resentment toward my husband for not meeting other expectations when I needed help. I took those resentful thoughts captive and loosed them and then asked God to forgive me and asked my husband to forgive me.

Put away resentments so you can mature.

The bible says in Ephesians 4:31,32  “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32)  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” To put something away is to no longer be emotionally invested in the negative or painful memory. Putting away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice involves asking God to reveal painful childhood memories that caused you to become resentful of a real or perceived wrong done to you. Many adults have subconscious bitterness that keep them stuck in self-focused childish thinking. To find these subconscious memories, begin reading my book here 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories to understanding the why and how for healing past issues to mature and love well.

After you put away any wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice from your heart, then bind in kindness and forgiveness to your heart.  See my post called; Relationship and World Changing Kindness and WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE.

There is hope for maturity and self-control as we put off resentfulness from disappointments we perceived as unfair. When we put off resentfulness and accept disappointment then we can be self-controlled.

Related Posts:

SELF-CONTROL Issues

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Patience — Freedom from Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Do you wake-up grumpy or maybe dread going to work? Are you upset by what people do? Are you depressed and worried? Do you want to be joyful and positive? Our mood reflects the level we are offended by unmet expectations or someone. The more offended we are the more despaired or angry our mood is. You may have a good reason to be upset, like when you go through an ugly fight, a divorce, or job loss. I’ve been there and done that, I know. But, allowing those negative thoughts to control your life is not healthy, nor is it good for other relationships. The number one way to change your negative thoughts and negative mood is to be thankful.

You may be thinking, no way, I can’t do that.  Being thankful may be hard and sometimes impossible but with God all things are possible. Jesus said in Matthew 19:26, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Also read Mark 9:23 and Mark 10:27. And, 2Corinthians 15:57 states, “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Also read 2Corinthians 2:14.

How thankfulness changes a negative mood

When someone says thank you or doesn’t say thank you, how does that make you feel? If someone sends you a thank-you card, or you send a thank-you card. Do you feel positive or negative? The act of being thankful takes the focus off yourself and onto something positive. Have you noticed the more you focus on yourself, the more miserable you feel? My last post describes how sub-conscious negative thoughts affect our relationships and how to change your relationships and the world with one simple act. You can read it here if you haven’t read it yet: Relationship and World Changing Kindness

I was a depressed, miserable, angry, anxious person for a long time before I discovered the power of forgiveness, transforming painful memories, and being thankful. I discovered in my research that every thought has a life energy (positive) and a death energy (negative). Being thankful transforms a negative mindset into a positive mindset. A positive mindset makes you feel happy and at peace with yourself and your world. It is amazing how powerful thankfulness is in your life or circumstance. Being thankful is difficult to do at times because we tend to gravitate toward misery for some strange reason. I struggled being thankful my whole life.

What prevents a thankful heart?

First, PRIDE prevents us from being thankful people because a prideful person is only focused on getting their needs and expectations met! I was so focused on myself and having my expectations met, I couldn’t be thankful.  Not appreciating the things my husband did put a strain on our marriage.  Every person wants to be appreciated.  I wrote about how I became free from this roadblock to happiness in my blog called The Core Negative Heart Issue.

Second, painful memories prevent a thankful heart. Conscious and sub-conscious painful memories dictate our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, behaviors, and destiny. Read the following post to learn more: HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR. Growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional home created a host of negative issues in my life. Read my post on how I transformed these painful memories: WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story.  I also wrote a post on how I overcame the negative effects of a sadistic divorce and job loss: Trust God to Keep His Promises.

And third, unforgiveness keeps our mind focused on the negative, hurtful action that offended us and prevents us from being thankful. To learn why and how to forgive read: WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE.

How to be thankful

My husband heard we should think of two things we can be thankful for when annoyed or frustrated. Thinking a thankful thought instantly changes a negative mood. Try it. Think of something that is irritating you right now. Now think of two things related to the situation you can be thankful for. For example, if you are having issues with your co-worker. Think of two positive things about your co-worker and think thankful thoughts about those positives. Keep in mind, everyone has negative issues and trash thoughts that spills out of their mouth, that comes from painful memories or focusing on self-interests. If slow traffic annoys you, be thankful you don’t have to walk, you are comfortable, and you have extra time to pray and worship God. Upset with your partner? Find two to three positive traits or actions and be thankful for them.

(Take a few minutes and try this exercise.) How do you feel?  Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself to be thankful and for what.

Be sure to tell your partner or co-worker what the positive things you are thankful for in them. Telling someone what you are thankful for will powerfully and positively change attitudes. For a while my husband and I kept a little note pad around and we randomly wrote thankful or kind things about the other person. It was so much fun to see what my husband wrote, and I enjoyed writing thankful and kind things about him. It powerfully and positively changed our marriage. Try it.  It was recommended to keep the thankfulness notepad in the bathroom.

Scriptural command to be thankful

The following are Scripture texts commanding us to be thankful and give thanks. Remember, when you disobey God’s commands, you are in sin and will suffer the consequences of unthankfulness, which allows misery and despair.  God knew focusing only on ourselves was self-destructive. He commands us to be thankful so we can experience joy and peace.

Ephesians 5:20-21 state, “Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21) submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” How would your life, marriage/partnership, friendships, and work environment change if you gave thanks all the time and for everything? 1Theselonians 5:18 states, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Giving thanks in all circumstances is difficult, especially if you are diagnosed with cancer. The people who can find something to thank God for, are the most content and joyful people.  I heard a missionary to China say how joyful the Chinese Christians are despite risking the lose of their homes and being put in prison.

Ephesians 5:4 states, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” Does the conversation at your family get-togethers digresses into gossip, foolish talk, and so on?  Next time, ask them what they are thankful for.  Other ways you can prompt wholesome conversations can be found in this post: Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Philippians 4:6 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” When I am thankful for God’s love, provision, mercy, and grace and trust Him to take care of my problems, I feel peace and joy. When I begin to focus on the negative issue, I became anxious and stressed again.

Colossians 3:15, 16 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16) Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” When I memorize Scripture, then I can teach and encourage others, and I can use those Scriptures to give thanks in my prayers. See my post on the things we can thank God for in Psalms 103: County Jail Study on Psalms 103. Also read, Who God is — Daily A-C-T-S Prayers Colossians 4:2 also states, Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.

The Old Testament gives us other reasons to give thanks to God:

1Chronicals 16:34 Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever! (Also see, 1Chronicals 16:41; 2Chronicals 7:3,6; 20:21, Ezra 3:11; Psalm 106:1; 107:1,8; 118:1,29; 136:1-3.)

Psalm 9:1 A Psalm of David. I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” (Also see Psalm 86:12; Psalm 105:1.) Many times, I was so angry with a situation that the only thing I could be thankful for was the wonderful things God did for me in the past and will do in my current situation. By keeping my mind focused on Him, I was not focused on the negative situation or circumstance.

Psalm 116:17 I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.” (Also see Ps. 50:14, 23; 107:22; Amos 4:5.) Sometimes we must give a sacrifice of thanksgiving even when we don’t feel like it. God is pleased with this sacrifice and will give you joy instead of misery.

Conclusion

Thankfulness is like guardrails that prevents your car from going over a cliff. So, thankfulness prevents your mind from crashing down the cliff of despair. Now, God commands us to be thankful so when we are not, we sin. Ask Him to help you be thankful when it is hard, and He will help you. You can be more than a conquer over negative issues in your life (see Romans 8:31-39), these verses also produce a thankful heart.

I wrote a short book called “Hope for Complete Healing.”  I describe how to transform negative issues in your life by taking the offending thoughts captive and loosing them from your mind.  Then to transform the associated negative, painful memories with truth to render them powerless. Transforming painful memories involves thankfulness to change negative thoughts into positive thoughts.  I describe this process in my book and in this blog post: Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. I made this book available on my website and I can send you a paper copy. If you want me to send a copy of my booklet, please contact me and let me know.

There is hope to change a negative mood into a positive mood through thankfulness.

Other Related Posts:

POSTS Related to Relationships

POSTS on Thoughts


If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).