TRUST: Lessons Learned in Israel

Do you trust those around you will value and protect you?  Do you trust that what others say is the truth?  Do you trust the plane does not crash?   Do you trust your spouse will be faithful?  Do you trust a politician or car salesman?   Trust believes in honesty, integrity, and justice, but all of us have been betrayed at one time or another.  Some of us has been betrayed multiple times because we live in a sinful world.  So how can we trust?  And what does all this have to do with Israel?

I recently went to Israel, and I was so anxious about everything related to the trip.  Why?  As I pondered why, I realized it was because I focused on all the things that could go wrong.  My thoughts were dictating my behavior choice to be anxious.  I also realized that my thoughts were controlled by memories of plane crashes, terrorist attacks, lost luggage, etc. I do have to admit, sedatives (natural) was my best friend while flying.  Also, the unknown made me anxious.  I was such an emotional mess that I got hives.  In short, I was not trusting God.  So I decided to focus my thoughts on God’s protection and help.  Remember, our thoughts have negative or positive energy, so controlling our thoughts controls our reactions.

As I was packing for the trip, I found Psalms 62:1,2, and 8 written out on a card, so I put this in my pocket to help me focus on God’s protection.  Every time I felt anxious, I would read these verses, which says:  “1) My soul finds rest in God only, from Him is my salvation.  2) He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold, I shall not be greatly shaken.  8) Trust in Him at all times; you people, pour out your heart before Him; God is a hiding-place for us.”  I often recalled Psalms 91, which also reinforces that I can trust God and no harm will come near me. Many other scriptures help us focus on God and the fact that we can trust Him.  I encourage you to keep these scriptures before you and to memorize them, so you can recall them when you get anxious.

Let’s be practical, what does trust look like?  For me, it is the quiet confidence that God is in control and is ordering my steps.  Trust believes He loves me and has my best interest in mind, even if it means I have to go through trials to improve my character and make me more like Him.  Trust is the confidence that God is faithful and will protect me and sustain me in everything I do.

Remember, our enemy (the devil) wants to steal our peace and quietness, and he will bring to our mind all the memories of the bad things that have happened or could happen.  Resist him; James 4: 7 says, “Therefore submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”   You will maintain your peace and confidence when you quote the truth of God’s Word and turn your mental focus on God and His faithfulness.  Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep him/her in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You; because he/she trusts in You.”  I can attest to this truth, and I have no anxiety as long as I put my trust in God.

But you may ask, who is God and why should I trust Him or that the Bible is truth?  I know that God is an all-powerful, loving, and all-knowing Spirit who always existed and always will exist.  The Bible is written by God through men for our benefit, so we can know Him and know that we can trust Him.  I have seen many miracles in my life because I chose to trust God, and He was there to protect and provide for me.  I may blog about that some time.

On the flip side, can you be trusted?  Are you faithful?  Do you have integrity?  To learn more about trust read the following page of my book: TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues

Also read my blog post on Anxiety: ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds

The following are truth statements to focus on:

It is safe to trust God and do what is good, and He will direct me. Ps. 37:3-5 (Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 4  Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5  Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.)

I can trust God’s faithfulness to be a shield around me as I put my trust in Him, and I will not be afraid. Ps. 91:4 (He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.); 56:4,11 (In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? 11) in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?)

Trust believes the good thing God is doing, and my heart does not need to be troubled, for He is my salvation. John 14:1 (“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.), Isa. 25:9 (“It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”)

I can be trusted, and I am faithful with what God has given me. Lk. 16:10 (“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.)

I can trust and believe that my life has a purpose and that God has a plan for my life, which gives me hope… Jer. 29:11-13 (“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”)

As I trust in God, He is my refuge, and His unfailing love and favor surround me. Ps. 32:10 (“Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.”); 7:1(“O LORD my God, in you do I take refuge; save me from all my pursuers and deliver me,”); 5:12 (“For you bless the righteous, O LORD; you cover him with favor as with a shield.”)

When I trust and believe in Jesus, I will not be disappointed. Rom. 9:33 (“as it is written, “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense; and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.”); I Peter 2:6b (“For it stands in Scripture: “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a cornerstone chosen and precious, and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.”)

I will not put my hope in the uncertainty of riches but in God who richly supplies me with all things to enjoy. I Tim. 6:17-19 (“As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 18  They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, 19  thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.”); Phil 4:19 (“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”)

I am blessed when I trust and hope in the Lord, and I make him my confidence. Jer. 17:7 (“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.”)

What other truth statements and supporting scriptures can you add to this list?

Open discussion on how to eliminate strife and negative feelings.

Please let me know your thoughts on how you end strife in your relationships.  It can be sibling relationships, marriage relationships, co-worker relationships, etc.  And let me know what you think causes conflicts.

In myself, I realize that when I become offended by something said or done, or not said or done, that I will have negative thinking towards the person or persons.  I will then show my negative feelings to that person or persons, which then causes them to react with a negative attitude back.  How can this negative reaction be stopped before it turns into an ugly fight and more hurt feelings?

During my childhood, there was constant strife and ugly fights. These fights left terrible memories and hurt feelings towards those involved.  I often reacted with anger when my children fought.  I realize I become angry because of the negative energy I have from the fighting in my childhood.  Now my oldest child is feeling offended towards me and wants nothing to do with me.  I know that forgiveness is a key element for restoring peace but my oldest child does not want to forgive me. How do you restore peace in your relationships when someone is offended and does not want to forgive?

Freedom from the Spirit of Jealousy

Can a spirit control us? I say yes, based on my experience and observation. So, do we have an excuse for atrocious behavior or making wrong choices? No, because we still need to love God, others, and ourselves from a pure heart! So, if we have unloving behavior, then we need to look for the source.  For example, at a family gathering, I became emotional because I felt discounted and said things I should not have said. I was embarrassed by my reaction, so I asked God to reveal the source of why I became emotional. He showed me I had a spirit of jealousy (Numbers 5:13, 30; Ezekiel 8:3). I discovered that corrupt spirits attach themselves to memories of being offended by unloving actions or unkind words. In my case, God revealed I was jealous of my younger sister. I cannot remember specific memories as I was to young, but I do remember being angry with her our entire childhood.

Being a twin meant I already had to share my parent’s attention and care. Then, thirteen months later, my second sister was born, which meant I had to share my parent’s love and attention with two other needy beings. Unfortunately, my new sister was born with a disorder and was hospitalized often. This meant that she received more attention than I did. Even babies and toddlers can be offended when their perceived needs are not met, especially for love and attention.  Humans have a natural need to love and to be loved. So, because I had to share my parents attention with my two sisters, I understand how I became offended and how the spirit of jealousy attached to my soul. This spirit controlled my reactions when I thought I was being discounted.  Have you ever felt discounted?

Furthermore, on my website (chapter 3 of my book), I describe how I became free from the mental strongholds of injustice and unfairness and how they protected the wrong beliefs and behavior of being impatient. Consider the following, when something unfair happens to us as a result of another person’s advantage over us, then jealousy naturally occurs. As a result, we become resentful towards that person, which displays itself through anger. For example, someone gets VIP treatment because of their high position in the company, and you are sent to the back of the line. Or, someone gets a better parking space because they have more money.  Or, your spouse gives their attention to someone else.  Have you ever experienced this?  The next time you get irritated, ask God why you are getting irritated.  You may have a jealous spirit.  I never thought I had a jealous spirit until God showed it to me.

Thankfully, God is all knowing and knows everything about us, and He alone can reveal repressed memories and unhealthy beliefs.  God showed me I had developed the unhealthy belief that my sister was the favorite and received preferential treatment. Because of my resentment towards my sister’s advantage over me, I mistreated her, which caused her to fight back, which then lead to my punishment. So, I believed I was  being unfairly punished for things she did or instigated, which caused me to resent my sister more. Another unhealthy belief was being unlovable and feeling worthless. Consequently, from early childhood, I tried to earn my parents attention and love by working hard and doing things for them, such as, cleaning the basement and garage. In the same way, doing work for people’s attention and approval carried into my adulthood. Therefore, my sense of worth was based on what I did and what people thought of the quality of my work. I was freed from this mental stronghold as well.  Do you feel you have to please people to get their love and attention and to feel accepted and wanted?  Do you have a sibling you feel was favored, maybe they were a better athlete or had better grades?  Do you have a co-worker that receives more privileges because they are favored by the boss? 

After learning the source of my jealousy, I asked God to lose and remove the memories of being offended (not getting the love and attention I wanted) and to remove the spirit of jealousy from my soul. I then replaced my wrong beliefs with the truth. For example, the truth is my mother did love me, but it was overwhelming to take care of my sick sister. Another reality was the fact that it was not my sister’s will to be sick, she could not help it, and I can show her compassion. Then, I sought forgiveness for my spiteful behavior. Now when I think of the current situation that revealed my jealous spirit, I no longer get upset. You can learn more about how to heal memories and transform unhealthy beliefs with truth by reading my short transformation testimony book on my website, hopeforcompletehealing.com.

7 Choices to make to have great relationships; 8 choices for SUPER GREAT

1) Always stay in forgiveness and not hold onto grudges. Expect that your partner/spouse/friend will let you down and not meet your expectations from time to time. Offense blocks reactions of love, kindness, peace, joy, and patience.
2)
Be thankful for the strengths and abilities of your partner. It is easy to focus on what you don’t like.
3)
Be committed to one another. Genuine commitment is to be wholly focused on what is best for your partner and what will strengthen the relationship.
4)
Communicate complete thoughts. My husband says, preferably in the same room and fully dressed is best. When you ask what the other person is thinking, do not react negatively to their thoughts, but ask questions to understand better.
5)
Resolve conflicts using the Pen Method. The person holding the pen explains their perspective and logic. Then hand the pen to the other person, and they reflect on what they heard you say and explains their perspective and rationale.
6)
Create a relationship vision or mission statement. Ask yourself and each other this question: “How do I want our relationship to be in 5, 10, 15, or 30 years. Write out a plan to accomplish your vision or mission.
7)
Work through past issues, so your reactions and expectations are not controlled by your past.
8)
Make the Lord and the Word of God priority in your life and relationships. Remember that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, so if you want to be wise, then God needs to be your source.

I came up with these eight choices as I reflected on my marriage and why it is super great. I am not saying that we don’t have issues from time to time, but it’s how you handle the inevitable problems.

I heard that a marriage is only as healthy as the weakest person. I was that weak person in my marriages. My choices in how I reacted to issues were very harmful and destructive. The discovery of healing my past through memory transformation and reprogramming parental programming set me free to make healthy choices. Today, the choices I make when negative issues arise are more loving and patient. For a good example, read my blog called “Disrespect, Unworthiness, and Failure: What do they have in common?”

I found that forgiveness and thankfulness was the key to a loving relationship. To forgive and to be thankful was only possible as my painful memories and parental programming were transformed and healed. Read about how this is done in my book listed in the right-hand margin, begin with chapter one to understand the scientific and spiritual theory of healing.

Each person is to focus on transforming and healing their own negative issues. For example, even though my husband has not yet dealt with his past issues, I still can react in a healthy, stable way with love and not condemnation and disrespect. It actually feels great not to be controlled by anger anymore.

Try the above eight choices to have super great relationships.

Freedom from the Snares of Disrespect, Unworthiness, and Failure

Have you been disrespected, demeaned, and feel like a failure?  Do you feel unworthy to be respected?  Do you find yourself being disrespectful when others fail to meet your expectations or know someone who is disrespectful to you when you fail? Do you bad mouth people and treat them as lower than yourself? Do you feel unworthy of respect, or are you treating others as unworthy of respect? All bad behavior has a source. So, don’t make excuses, but ask God, “Why am I behaving this way?” “What is the root or source behind my behavior?” “Why am I being disrespected and am I attracting disrespectful behavior?

The following my testimony of the connection between disrespect, unworthiness, and failure. For example, if my husband did not meet my expectations, then I would demean him, which is not godly behavior. God wants us to value others and to honor them; therefore, being disrespectful is not loving and is a sin. So, I asked God to show me the root of why I was being irritated. He revealed that I had painful memories of not being valued as a child or by my first husband. I also had disdain for my first husband because of his abusiveness. Additionally, I was influenced by my mother’s disrespect and contempt for my father. Therefore, I developed unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking that caused my sinful behavior of disrespect.

God also revealed that I felt like a failure as a child, especially with schoolwork and reading. I was told I should have been in special education classes, but my mother fought against it. I’m sure, you can think of the times when you failed, and others may have treated you as unworthy and disrespected you as well. Failure was the outer mental stronghold that reinforced the inner stronghold of unworthiness. Both mental strongholds protected the authority seat of disrespect, which held the memories of the offenses I had of disdain, dishonor, and rude behaviors. I also realized that disrespect was a generational sin because I observed the same responses in other family members.

The following is the definition of mental strongholds for those who are just learning about them.  You can also find many examples on my website. Mental strongholds are the mental fortresses that would look like castle walls if they had a physical form.  Bad memories build these mental strongholds to protect us from more hurt. But in fact, they keep us from experiencing life and love. Strongholds are usually built to protect an unhealthy belief or beliefs generated by bad experiences that we have often forgotten about but still control us. Visit my website for more details about the many unhealthy beliefs we can have. Authority seats are like thrones within a fortified castle. A ruler builds a fortress to protect his or her interests and authority to rule. Our mental strongholds need to be torn down so they can stop controlling our reactions and decisions.

The following are some of the unhealthy beliefs I had. “I am not worthy of respect, and no one else is worthy of my respect.” “I am inferior to others and deserve to be treated as inferior.” “I have no value and what I have to say is not valued.” “Men are not worthy of respect because they fail to meet expectations.” There are many other unhealthy beliefs associated with these two strongholds.  I replaced these unhealthy beliefs with the truths found in the section on my website called MEEKNESS/HUMILITY ISSUES.  Can you see the connection now between failure, feeling unworthy, and disrespect for yourself and others?

There is hope for complete healing and transformation, please read the pages on my website to learn how.

 

PEACE—A Parenting and Marital Goal

What would it be like if our children lived in peace with each other and we had a peaceful marriage?  Let us take a moment to imagine that the people in our lives are serene, tranquil, calm, undisturbed, friendly, kind, and helpful.  How does this make you feel?  Does this make you feel relaxed?  Does this describe how you relate to people?  Consider, with me, three causes that deprive us of peace and how to restore peace.

Peace was the only Mother’s Day gift I would ask from my children, which never happened.  The reason was because I never sowed peace into my children.  Have you ever heard the saying, “you reap what you sow?”  A farmer sows seed into the ground and depending on what the seed is that is, what the farmer will reap.  So, if you don’t have peace in your family and marriage then maybe peace has not been sown.  If there is strife in your life, consider where the source of strife is coming.

The first and main source of strife comes from past offenses stored in our memories and unforgiveness in our hearts.  Because I was an angry person inside from the many painful memories of being abused, I could not live in peace with anyone, though I desperately wanted to.  After God healed my painful memories, offenses, and unhealthy beleifs, I no longer was upset about everything all the time.  I can now live in peace with those around me, including myself.  Had I known about this when when I was raising my children, I would have dealt with the strife differently.  I would have located the offenses in their hearts, instead of reacting in anger.  To learn more, read the chapters of my book, listed in the right margin.

The second source of strife comes from daily offenses that we react too.  Just drive in the city, and you will have plenty of reason to be offended.  Being around people offer many opportunities to be offended.  These little offenses steal our peace, and the best solution is to take those thoughts captive by first, recognizing them, acknowledging them, and then taking hold of them.  Next, ask God to remove those thoughts of offense, forgive if necessary, and then ask God to give you patience and love for those around you.  Again, I elaborate more on this in my book on my website.

The third reason we lack peace can also be from the following peace robbers.  In fact, these peace robbers greatly affected my health and your health.  I share my testimony of how I transformed these peace robbers in my book found in my website.

  • Tension: mental or nervous strain
  • Fear of something bad happening:
  • Dread: to fear greatly; be in extreme apprehension
  • Fright: sudden fear or terror
  • Nervousness: emotional tension; agitation
  • Anxiety: distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune
  • Worry: to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret
  • Anger: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath
  • Terror: intense fear

For example, my husband took my two young sons (10 and 12) spelunking in an abandoned cave.  I objected greatly but the boys wanted to go, and my husband was an experienced spelunker.  Needless to say, I experienced all the above peace robbers.  Thankfully, the Lord was watching over my children and husband as there were many dangers.  My husband had fun but my children to this day never want to go spelunking again.

Not only do we need to pray and ask God to remove these peace robbers from us but also the associated unhealthy beliefs.  The following are some examples of unhealthy beliefs that need transforming through prayer and truth:

  • Something bad will happen.
  • The future will be like the past.
  • There is no peace for me.
  • I don’t deserve peace.
  • Why even try to get peace? It is useless to try.
  • I lost any chance for peace when I lost _____.
  • I caused ____ to lose peace.
  • I am afraid I will never have peace.
  • If I have peace, bad things will take it away.
  • If I can just get more ____ I will have peace.
  • My lack of peace is due to my lack of ____.
  • Other people have taken my peace from me.
  • If only others would leave me alone I would have peace.
  • They don’t deserve peace.

The following truths can be used to transform the above unhealthy beliefs and any other unhealthy beliefs that God shows you when you ask.

  • The peace of Christ rules in my heart, and I am thankful. 3:15
  • I pursue peace and do what is good. 12:14; 1 Pet. 3:11
  • I can be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for others. Titus 3:2
  • When I make peace, I will be blessed and be called a child of God. 5:9
  • The peace that comes from God is beyond understanding when I give my troubles to Him and thank Him. 4:6
  • God fills me with all joy and peace as I believe and trust Him, and I will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 15:13
  • I will have great peace and will not stumble when I love God’s Word. 119:165
  • I can be at peace with others. 9:50; Rom. 12:18; Heb. 12:14
  • Peace comes when I trust Jesus, and I will not let my heart be troubled or anxious. John 14:27; John 16:33; Phil. 4:6, 7; 26:3

Minimize Memory Clutter

Do you know any minimalist? My husband and I read a book on being a minimalist. The author said that a minimalist sells, throws away, or gives away possessions they do not use or does not have sentimental value. Minimalists say that decreasing ones possessions will reduce stress and free up time. My husband wants to be an extreme minimalist and reduce our possessions to the smallest amount possible. I think he wants to get rid of my things that he thinks is unnecessary. I told him to start with his things, such as the crow decoys in the shed and hunting blinds in the basement that he never uses. Do you have an attic, basement, garage, spare room, or shed full of stuff you know longer use or need? For more information, watch the YouTube videos.

So, can our memories be mental clutter that keep us from being productive and stress free? I learned from Dr. Caroline Leaf that most of our memories are in our subconscious mind and we are not even aware of how much they are controlling our thinking.  It is my experience that my subconscious painful memories dominated my life and caused tremendous stress. The reason was because my memories controlled my thoughts, which often led to emotional stress and dysfunctional reactions.

So why should we minimize painful memories? First, you will think more clearly, that is, your memories will not control your thoughts. Secondly, you will be free to choose loving and kind responses to stressful situations instead of following programmed memory behavior scripts.

How do you know if you need to minimize memory clutter? Do you think about the painful things done or said to you? Do you feel angry, impatient, irritated, or frustrated? Do you complain? If you answered yes to any one of these questions, then you need to clean out the unloving and unkind memories that do not help you to be a loving and kind person.

So how do you minimize memories? Romans 12:2 states, “… but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.”  The last blog I posted was on this topic of inner self transformation and renewing your mind. So, I will not repeat what I wrote and would encourage you to read that post to learn more. Also, 2 Corinthians 4:16 states, So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

We minimize our memory clutter the same way we minimize our physical clutter; one item at a time. The only exception is we need God to search our minds and to bring those memories out of our subconscious to be eliminated. I explain how to do this on the pages listed on my website.

Reducing memory clutter of all the negative, painful, and disappointing experiences in my life freed me to enjoy my life, love others, and to be thankful.