How The Church Prepares You to Meet God

How many reasons come to your mind as to why people leave the church? In my last post, I talked about why we need to go to church. If you need to leave the church because of life changes, find a Bible teaching, missions/service-oriented, God worshiping church. Remember, no church is perfect because people are not perfect. So why do people leave the church and never return?

The Number One Reason People Leave the Church Is Being Offended.

Have you been offended by someone or something in the church? What was your natural response when you became offended? Most offended people simply leave the church and lose their faith, which is Satan’s goal for all of us. Like I said in my last post, people are messy, and so is the church. Jesus said in Luke 5:32, “I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

We know that sin separates us from God. And we all know Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” That is true, but that is not the final word. If that is all there is, then we will live defeated lives. Romans 3:24-25 explains the remedy for our messy sin, “And are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.” We receive the gift of redemption (which is salvation from sin and God’s wrath) by the grace of God through faith. “And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Ephesians 3:8-10).” A work in progress is not perfect, nor is it pretty, so we need to be patient with each other and encourage one another to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).

How Should We React to Offensive People?

We need to see each other as saved sinners who are being made holy as God is Holy. Hebrews 12:14 states, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” When we become offended, we often become depressed or contentious, then bitter. Note that verse 14 says that no one will see the Lord without holiness. Becoming holy is the process of transforming sinful thinking with the truth of God’s Word (Romans 12:2). This is why you need to stay in church, so you can practice being holy and transform your sinful thoughts, not only with your church family but also with your family at home.

Being holy is living an obedient life that strives to please God, knowing we will stand before Him to give an account of our actions. 2Corinthians 5:9-10 states, “So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. 10For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” 

We won’t live holy lives all the time, because inevitably, we will react from our sinful nature and offend someone from time to time. Being offended by other Christians is nothing new. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Colossian church about what to do when they became offended. Colossians 3:13-15 states, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Peace and thankfulness go a long way. Being forgiving and thankful saved my marriage many times because you can’t be offended when you choose to live in love and peace by forgiving and being thankful. Does the peace of God rule in your heart? If not, you may have a past offense that needs to be forgiven. My book on my website helps you work through the many offenses in our hearts.

Excuses Why People Get Offended and Leave The Church

People do not want to tithe.

Don’t like the worship.

Don’t like the Pastor’s wife.

The pastor or music director had an affair.

Don’t like the changes.

The Pastor is boring (sometimes valid).

The people in the church are hypocrites.

The church doesn’t use King James Version.

The Pastor didn’t come to visit me when I missed one Sunday.

The list can be a lot longer, but you get the idea. Notice that being offended is focusing on the things you do not like and can’t control. I have to confess that I left several churches because the music was too loud, and I felt like I was at a rock concert. To me, that is not worship. Some people are drawn to that kind of worship, don’t know why. I can’t imagine God rocking out (just dated myself).

My point is that there are many different kinds of churches with various worship styles, ministries, and preaching styles. My second husband and I changed churches so our sons could go to a robust youth group with a dynamic youth pastor. We were their youth leaders, and we were failing. I have known families leave the church because of a change in the mission statement. If a family leaves the church, I recommend checking on them to see if they found another church home. Encourage those who leave for whatever reason to persevere in their faith and remind them that they will stand before God. Encourage them in their salvation and the need to nurture a holy life so they will spend eternity with God.

John 3:36 states, “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.”

And, Romans 6:22  “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.

RELATED POSTS:

Freedom from the Spirit of Jealousy

WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words

How to Dig up the Unforgiving Belief to Grow in Love

#1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected, and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Check out my first book on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Why Go to Church?

Do you or do you know someone who believes a Christian does not need to go to church? Christians have many reasons why they don’t go to church. Over the next several blog posts, I want to explore what the Bible says about the church. In this post, I identify the benefits of being a part of a church. I understand that the church is made of imperfect people who hopefully strive to become more like Christ, so don’t expect to find a perfect church. The pastor won’t be perfect either, so why go to church? Just as people can be messy, so can a church.

Why We Need the Church

I have discovered that many people wrongly believe that they don’t have to go to church to be a Christian. That is true. If you are a prisoner of war in solitary confinement, you will still be a Christian and go to heaven. But God created us to be a community of believers. A community looks out for each other and helps those in need. Titus 3:14 states, “And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful.”

For example, one of our homeschooling mothers with six children was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Her youngest was five years old. Our church family supported her and helped the family by taking turns driving her for treatments, making her family meals, and watching the children during her treatments. The type of cancer could not be treated with chemotherapy, so she was allowed to try alternative therapies that were not paid for by her insurance. The church family helped pay for the treatments. The men of the church cut and split wood for the family to heat their home for the winter. At Christmas time, the church showered her children with gifts.

If you stayed home instead of supporting the local church and helping the members in need, then who would be there for you and help you in your time of need? How will you be encouraged to love and do good deeds if you don’t go to church? Hebrews 10:23-25 states, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” If we neglect attending church, we are disobeying God, and therefore, are in sin. I understand that the elderly and infirmed may not be able to get to church, so hopefully, the members of their church will be visiting them to encourage them in their faith and show love by helping them.

The Church is Necessary to Help Us Persevere in Our Faith

Romans 10:17 states, “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” I know you can do online church or listen to radio preachers, but being in the house of God and corporately worshiping with others encourages your faith in God. When the children of Israel left Egypt, God required them to build a meeting place where the whole congregation could hear from God through Moses. A congregation is an assembly of persons brought together for common religious worship.

Psalm 107:32 states, “Let them extol him in the congregation of the people, and praise him in the assembly of the elders.” Also, Psalm 111:1 states, “Praise the LORD! I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation.”  And Hebrews 2:12  states, “I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation, I will sing your praise.” The Bible is clear that we are to meet together to praise God. Psalm 86:9 states, “All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name.” If you don’t want to worship with the believers on earth, then why would you want to worship with them in heaven?

The Corporate Worship Protects You from Deception

Deuteronomy 11:16 states, “Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them.” You risk losing your faith and being deceived when you don’t go to church because you become vulnerable to demonic attacks. We were created to worship God and to believe in Him, so if we stop worshiping God, then we will be drawn to worship idols. You are deceived if you don’t think this can happen to you because it happened to the Israelites time and again throughout the Old Testament, and they suffered greatly.

Have you ever sat around a campfire? If you move a burning log away from a fire, it quickly cools and stops burning. If you noticed that when someone stops going to church, their faith will cool? We will be easy prey for the enemy when we are isolated. 1Peter 5:8-9a states, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9Resist him, firm in your faith.” You can only be firm in your faith when you stay close to other believers with a strong faith. Have you watched an African Nature show? A herd of animals can protect themselves from predators, but if one of the animals gets separated, they are taken down and eaten. We need to stay watchful. The church is there to encourage us to stay under God’s protection.

Conclusion

My heart is very heavy as I write this post because I know many people who were strong in their faith but are no longer walking with God because they left the encouragement and protection of the church. If you don’t like the church you attend or attended, then find another Bible-teaching church. I have changed churches many times, depending on my stage of life. For example, my mother and father grew up Lutheran, so I began my life as a Lutheran. My mother and father came to know Jesus as their savior, so we attended a Brethren Church for a while. Then my mother and father got baptized by the Holy Spirit, and we went to a Pentecostal church for a while. My parents divorced, and we returned to the Lutheran church in my teen years. In college, my friend took me to her Pentecostal church. When I got married, we attended a Christian Missionary Alliance church. When I married my second husband, he wanted to attend the local Wesleyan Church. The point is, find a church that teaches the Bible and don’t expect it to be perfect or to meet your expectations.


All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected, and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

How to Convert Pridefulness to Gentleness and Humility

You might think you have the right to be prideful because of your position in life, accomplishments, or status in the community. None of those situations are bad, nor does it mean you have arrogant, self-centered pride. Being proud of your accomplishments is different than thinking you’re better than someone else. I have to admit that I struggle with pride because I slip into thinking more highly of myself than I ought to. Most pride issues come from unhealthy beliefs that need to be uncovered and transformed by truth.

How often have you heard people make excuses for their bad behavior and accept it as part of who they are? So why is self-centered pridefulness a bad thing? The Spirit of pride keeps you from acknowledging your sin, apologizing, and repenting. I have written several posts on this subject, to learn more please read the posts listed below:

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

#1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality. So why should we deal with pridefulness, and how does it block a gentle and meek attitude?

Where Does the Prideful Belief Come From?

The primary source of sinful pride is the devil. Self-centered, unhealthy beliefs are based on wrong assumptions and perceptions put into our minds by the demonic spirits all around us. Remember, we are spirit beings in a physical body living in a physical world controlled by the spirit world. You can read more about that in my post called: Four Realities of the Spirit World, also see the link below by Dr. David Jeremiah. If you are not submitted to God and are not resisting the devil, he will put the thoughts into your mind that you deserve better treatment than that, and so on.

Satan (angel named Lucifer, meaning “morning star”) sinned because of his pride by wanting to set his throne above God’s throne and was thrown down to earth (Isaiah 14:13-15 and Rev. 12:7-9). He causes us to sin through the same prideful attitude. Pride is thinking more highly of yourself than you ought to think (Romans 12:3), which also encourages us to think with sober (sound) judgment, that is, with a humble attitude. You know you have a spirit of pride when you are self-centered and insist on getting what you want at the expense of others. And, you know you are prideful when you become offended and get a bad attitude toward someone for what they said/did not say or did/not did something you felt was unfair.

How do you know if you are humble?

God’s word defines a humble person as follows:

1. Someone who fears God (Prov. 15:33; 22:4).

2. A person who bears with others and is kind, patient, and forgiving (Eph 4:2 & 32).

3. When we count others as more important than ourselves (Phil. 2:3).

4. If you have wisdom that is pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere (James 3:17; Proverbs 11:2).

5. Someone who has acknowledged they are a sinner and repents (Psalm 149:4).

6. A person with a contrite (repentant) heart who trembles at God’s Words (Isaiah 66:2).

7. A humble person is not judgmental but gives grace (Eph 4:29).

What Is the Truth That Transforms this Unhealthy Belief?

The truth is that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (1Pet 5:5 and James 4:6).” 1Peter 5:6-7 states, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” Give God all the worries that cause you to be anxious, and trust God to take care of all your concerns. When you worry, you exalt yourself above God because you do not trust Him to take care of your affairs. When you humbly give God all your concerns, He promises to exalt you at the proper time.

James 4:7 states, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” When we submit to God, we are humbling ourselves and acknowledging our sin and need for His power and strength. But we are also to resist the devil and his temptations toward selfish ambition and pride. James 3:14-16 states, “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to [deny] the truth. 15This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile [evil] practice.” First, humbly ask God to show you if this verse applies to your life. Secondly, if you see selfishness, acknowledge that you have an unhealthy pride that leads to selfish ambition and ask for God’s forgiveness. Thirdly, ask God to remove it and to give you a humble spirit.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. Before you can transform unhealthy beliefs, listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts because they come from unhealthy beliefs.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you His transforming truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory contributing to your pridefulness. Satan takes every opportunity to inject pride into our minds.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths similar to the following:

Humility realizes that everything I have, including my abilities, is a gift from God. Deut. 8:17-18

I do not think of myself more highly than others, but in humility, I will regard others as more important than myself. Rom. 12:3; Phil. 2:3

God lifts up the humble in due time, so I will cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me. 1 Pet. 5:6-7; James 4:10

I am humbled when I see my need for God and trust He will guide me in what is right for all His ways are loving and faithful.  Ps. 25:9-10

When I am humble, then I will be honored. Prov.15:33b

RELATED POSTS

1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

HOW TO DESTROY THE DEVIL’S WORK IN YOUR LIFE


All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

How to Diminish the Distrust Belief to Enlarge Trust

Do you distrust people or just certain people? Do you distrust God? Why? In this post, you will learn why you distrust and then learn how to diminish the distrust belief. Because my first marriage was abusive, I had to learn to trust again. I didn’t even trust myself because I lacked self-control, but more on that in another post. When I began dating my present husband, I wanted to test his sincerity, so I set a boundary of no kissing. I wanted to know if he respected boundaries and respected me. I also did not want to become sexually involved, which kissing usually leads to. We dated for a year and did not kiss one time, and then he asked me to marry him. My response was, “Well, you haven’t given me a reason to say no.” What a way to say “yes.”

My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.

What is Trust to Understand the Distrust Belief

Trust is to have confidence in and be able to rely on someone else, especially in God. An honest person does not lie, cheat, or steal. A trustworthy person is someone who is loyal and will be faithful and dependable. A dependable person can be relied on and is predictable. We all want fidelity in our relationships, which is a faithful devotion to duty or one’s obligations or vows. We are more likely to be submissive (yield to the actions, control, power, and so on) when we trust those in authority over us. Also, peace and love thrive in a trusting environment.

As you read the above paragraph about trust, a few painful memories may have been triggered, reinforcing the distrust belief. I have written several posts on this subject that you will find helpful.

Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to Trust Again.

Pt. 3: Seven Markers of a Trustworthy Person

TRUST Leads to PEACE

Where Does the Distrust Belief Come From?

Children naturally want to trust people. They believe what they are told is the truth until they feel betrayed when their expectations are not met. Unhealthy beliefs develop in childhood when we go through a painful experience. The painful experience could be not getting something we wanted, so we develop the unhealthy belief that we are not loved. As adults, we still resort to the same false belief when our self-centered expectations go unmet. When our expectations are not met, then we develop distrust because we can’t trust the person to do what we expect.

As human beings created in the image of God, we possess the same emotions and expectations as God. We feel love and give love in an emotionally healthy environment that is free from sin. Unfortunately, we were also born with a sinful nature that causes us instinctively to be self-centered individuals. As sinners, we seek to please our fleshly desires. So, a child will love their parents when they feel loved as their needs and wants are met. But, when a child does not get their sinful desire, wants, or expectations met, they lash out in anger or other sinful behaviors. Immature adults do the same because of unhealthy beliefs.

As adults, we expect our friends and spouses to be loyal, faithful, and truthful. We desire to feel secure in our relationships. But when our loved one lies to us, gossips, slanders, is abusive (physically, emotionally, or mentally), or cheats on us, we feel betrayed and develop justifiable mistrust. No one likes to confront a person for sinful behavior that is ruining the relationship. Still, it is necessary to remove the source of emotional pain and forgive for the relationship to heal.

The distrust belief causes us not to trust God. I wrote several posts on this topic as well that will be helpful to read.

Pt. 2: Why You Can and Cannot Trust God? 

Trust God to Keep His Promises

15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep

HOPE: How it Motivates and Inspires BUT God’s Sovereignty…

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts and feelings.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth and give you the grace and courage to transform them.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:

  • It is safe to trust God and do what is good, and He will direct me. Ps. 37:3-5
  • I can trust God’s faithfulness to be a shield around me as I put my trust in Him, and I will not be afraid. Ps. 91:4; 56:4,11
  • Trust believes God does good things, and I don’t need to be troubled, for He is my salvation.  John 14:1; Isa. 25:9
  • I can be trusted, and I am faithful with what God has given me. Lk. 16:10
  • I can trust and believe my life has a purpose, and God has a plan for my life, which gives me hope. Jer. 29:11-14
  • As I trust in God, He is my refuge, and His unfailing love and favor surround me. Ps. 32:10; 7:1; 5:12
  • When I trust and believe in Jesus, I will not be disappointed.  Rom. 9:33; I Peter 2:6b
  • I will not put my hope in the uncertainty of riches but in God, who richly supplies me with all things to enjoy. I Tim. 6:17; Phil 4:19
  • I am blessed when I trust and hope in the Lord, and I make Him my confidence.  Jer. 17:7

RELATED POSTS

1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR


All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

Diminish the “Self-centered” Belief to Expand Goodness (Other-centered)

Being self-centered looks different for each person. According to my experience, a self-centered person is concerned more about themselves and lacks empathy for others. Someone who complains and argues and criticizes is self-centered. Addicts and criminals are classic examples of being self-centered; they have no concern for those they hurt. Even shy and depressed people are self-centered because they are focused on themselves and their shame, guilt, inadequacies, and feeling devalued. I learned that narcissism falls under self-centeredness.

Self-centered people find it difficult to give or share with others, in-other-words, be good to people and value their interests. They are good at controlling and manipulating people to get them to do what they want. For example, when I didn’t get what I thought I needed or wanted, I would become angry and destructive to get what I wanted. As God has been transforming my mind by His Word, and as I submit my will to Him and put off arrogant pride, I have become less self-centered and able to value the needs of others. If everyone were honest, they would acknowledge they struggle with being self-centered and with selfishness. If you want to learn more, read this article: https://drmichaelmcgee.com/self-centeredness/. Dr. McGee is part of the Well Mind Community. Though this article is not Christ-focused, it does give another perspective.

My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.

What is Goodness?

Goodness is humbly considering others’ interests and needs, as well as your own. Goodness is the desire to help others and often sacrificially help others, even those you think do not deserve it. Good people do what is right and honorable in all situations and are morally excellent. You can only be truly good when you love others as Christ loves them. Many people think they are good people when they compare themselves with other people who do bad things.

Those who grew up in dysfunctional homes with self-centered, sinful people did not learn goodness by example. If goodness does not come naturally to you, seek God to show you the painful memories of past hurts and humiliations because those memories control your thoughts, beliefs, and behavior. Painful memories develop self-protective beliefs discussed in the last post. Self-centeredness is a form of self-protection because you don’t believe others have your best interest in mind.

The story about the good Samaritan demonstrates goodness (Luke 10:25-34). To learn more about goodness, please read Part 1: How to Achieve Genuine Goodness.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts. Being mindful of your thoughts helps you acknowledge and let go of negative ruminations about the past and anxious thoughts about the future. Meditate instead on how to solve your problems or submit them to God if they are outside your control

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:

When I do what is good, I will receive glory, honor, and peace. Rom. 2:10; 13:3b

Because of God’s goodness to and in me, I can be good to those who mistreat or hate me. Luke 6:27; Matt. 5:44; Ps. 25:4-7; 31:19

I can look out for other people’s interests above my own (Phil. 2:14) and please others for their good. Rom. 15:2

I am ready for every good deed, to malign no one, be peaceable, gentle, and show every consideration (true humility) for everyone. Titus 3:1,2

I can give a blessing instead of returning evil for evil and seek to do good to all people. 1 Pet. 3:9; 1 Thes. 5:15

After I received Jesus as my Savior (saved from sin and God’s wrath); He began a good work in me, and He will complete it (Phil. 1:6).  I am His workmanship, created for good works.  Eph. 2:10; Phil. 2:12b,13

I know I have goodness when my mouth speaks what is good (Matt. 12:34b,35), which is the fruit of the Spirit and Light in me (Gal. 5:22) along with righteousness and truth (Eph. 5:7-10).  I am known by my fruit (Matt. 7:20) and engage in good deeds to meet pressing needs. Titus 3:14

I will not lose heart in doing good, knowing I will be rewarded.  When I have the opportunity, I will be good to all people, especially to those belonging to the family of God. Gal. 6:9,10; Eh. 6:7,8

RELATED POSTS

1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul


All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

How to Weed out the Protection Belief and Grow Kindness

Why do we have a strong urge to protect ourselves? What are some things we are protecting? For example, most of us want to protect our reputations, physical comfort, egos, heart, and so on. But, if you are in a physically abusive situation, you need to protect yourself and seek a safe place to go. Often, we do not help someone because we fear for our safety, especially in a high-crime area. That kind of protection is reasonable. Unhealthy protection develops because of emotional pain. When we set up walls to protect our hearts, it also prevents us from showing kindness, and I will explain why.

Every experience we have in life affects our perspective going forward. Our perspectives create healthy and unhealthy beliefs. For example, if someone wearing a black ski hat robs you, that will change how you view everyone wearing a black ski hat. Do you see what I mean? My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, which directs our attitudes and behaviors. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.

What is the purpose of protective beliefs?

I can only speak for myself, but my experience should be similar to many others if I am like the typical human. My unhealthy protection belief began very early because I grew up in a volatile, unstable home, so I had to protect myself to survive my childhood. I will not discuss the many ways we protect ourselves because there are many ways. Let God show you and ask Him to heal the painful memories that developed your protective behaviors.

Protecting our hurting hearts is similar to putting a cast on a broken arm. The cast protects the arm so it can heal. But once the arm mends, the cast has to come off; otherwise, your arm can’t grow normally because of the restriction. In the same way, we need protection while our hearts heal, but if we don’t remove those protections, it will cripple our ability to show love and kindness.

The biblical truths I share in this post are difficult to apply in our strength, especially when we are hurting from an evil done against us. We need to depend on Christ’s strength through His Spirit in us. Ephesians 3:16 states, “According to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being.” Applying these truths through Christ Jesus’s strength and power will remove the restrictive protection beliefs so you can be free to love and be kind.

Where Does the Protection Belief Come From and What is the Truth that Transforms it?

When you are in an unfriendly environment (i.e., work, home, school, and so on), you feel the need to set up boundaries to protect yourself, which may be necessary. We often avoid the unfriendly person or hide, so we do not have to interact with the unkind or hostile person. You may not see the unkind person as an enemy, but dictionary.com (11/06/2021) defines an enemy as “a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent.” Read my post about how to set healthy boundaries: Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People.

The truth: Luke 6:35-36 states, “But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.”

Fear causes us to develop an unhealthy protection belief, especially irrational fear like prepping, which is preparing for something that may never happen. I have to confess, I have a touch of that myself, especially with the fear that Biden’s vax-mandate will crash our economy when essential workers walk off the job, then we can’t buy food or other essentials (irrational fear, I know). But will my fear prevent me from showing kindness to my neighbor who is hungry and needs food? To learn how to overcome fear, read HOW FEAR CONTROLS YOU!ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds

The truth: Hebrews 13:16 states, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” And Philippians 4:5-7 states, “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Betrayal causes us to protect ourselves. I feel betrayed when the people I thought should have loved and protected me are unkind and cruel. We protect our hearts to prevent being betrayed again. Sexual abuse and adultery, I believe, are the worst kind of betrayals. Being betrayed leads to trust and anger issues, which are forms of protection to keep people at a distance. Read my post about how to overcome betrayal: Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to Trust Again.

The truth: Ephesians 4:31-32 states, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

The protection belief generates trust issues. When you are hurt or offended by an unkind word, a breakup, an unfair action, ostracized from a group, criticism, and so on, you naturally protect your heart from being hurt again. This type of protection often results in passive-aggressive behaviors and depression. Unfortunately, we live in an evil world of hurting people who do evil to others. Ask God to show you the ways you were or are hurtful. One of the definitions of evil is being harmful or detrimental (dictionary.com). You can read my post on overcoming trust issues here.

The truth: 1Peter 3:9-11 states, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 10For ‘Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.’” And Romans 12:17-18 states, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

A person spreading gossip or who is lying about you produces self-protection reactions. Anytime there is lying, it destroys reputations and relationships. A person who lies, gossips, or slanders has insecurity issues and is easily controlled by the devil. You can learn how to overcome insecurity by reading this post: Freedom from Insecurity, which is Protected by Betrayal and Control Strongholds

The truth: 2Timothy 2:24-26 states, “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

Conclusion:

All the situations described above cause painful memories and protection beliefs. These painful memories reinforce our need to protect ourselves for years to come. The protection beliefs prevent us from showing genuine kindness to people, especially to those we feel don’t deserve it. Only through the strength and power of the Holy Spirit in us can we overcome and transform the protective strongholds in our lives. The e-book on my website will help you overcome painful memories and unhealthy beliefs. Begin reading 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories 

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts. Ask God to search your heart and mind to reveal your unhealthy beliefs.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

RELATED POSTS:

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

KINDNESS Issues


All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

How to Decrease Fairness Belief to Increase Patience

“They are not doing their fair share (whine).” When you think of fairness, what comes to your mind? Fairness can be equality, impartiality, justice, and doing what is right. The problem with the unhealthy belief that everything should be fair is that each person has a different perspective of what is a just and equitable action or behavior. What I think is equal, impartial, or fair may not be what you think. So, patience is necessary for those times when your expectation of what you think is fair is not realized. The only one who is truly just is God, yet many people do not trust that He is fair because of this harmful belief. God is righteous and will always do what is right according to His holiness, though we may not understand it.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before you.” – Psalm 89:14

 “The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.” – Psalm 103:6

 “Blessed are they who observe justice, who do righteousness at all times!” – Psalm 106:3

 “To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.” – Proverbs 21:3

 “Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the LORD understand it completely.” – Proverbs 28:5

My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.

Where Does the Unhealthy Fairness Belief Come From?

Let’s look at our opening statement. “They are not doing their fair share (whine).” Or “They are not pulling their fair share of the work.” Can you hear the judgmental whine? I’m not making fun because I have said that plenty of times. So, the source of the fairness belief begins with comparison and thinking we are doing more than someone else, or have less than someone else, and so on. For example, if you have a liberal mindset, you think the conservatives are not being just and impartial. The conservatives think that the views of the liberals are unjust and not right. It is all a matter of point of view or bias.

Another source is unmet expectations. When we expect that the workload will be shared, yet we think we are doing more work than the other person, they may be thinking they are doing more work than you. You might think you are not getting a fair price, but the other person thinks they are giving you a fair deal. So, fairness is a matter of perspective, which is often based on our self-centered pride. Again, we see the ugly head of pride in yet another unhealthy belief. Pride demands justice and fairness especially when it benefits our self-centered desires. Only when we are humble can we be patient when our standard of fairness and justice is not achievable.

A complaining attitude instead of a thankful attitude also breeds the unhealthy fairness belief of inequality. So, be grateful instead of comparing yourself with someone else and what they are doing or not doing or have that you don’t have.

So, why should we be patient when we feel wronged, and what is patience?

Patience is the evidence of love (1Cor.13:4). When we love others, we are right with God because we love as He loves. John 15:12-14 states, “This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life [selfish pride] for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you.” Also, 1John 4:8 states, “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

The following definitions of patience come from Webster’s dictionary. Patience is bearing or enduring pain, trouble, inconvenience, etc., without complaint, losing self-control, making a disturbance, etc. To be forbearing: tolerate (to put up with). Keep oneself in check. It is refusing to be provoked or angered, as by an insult or frustration. And, it is merciful: compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or person in one’s power. Lastly, patience is being just: living with a moral principle that determines right conduct and fairness by treating all sides alike.

The Truth That Transforms the Unhealthy Fairness Belief

First, accept that life is not fair, and fairness is arbitrary, which is why we need to be humble and patient with one another.

Second, ask God to reveal if you have resentment toward an unfair action in your past that is related to the offense you have taken in your current situation. For example, when I was a teenager, I felt it was unfair that I had to spend hours doing the dishes that everyone piled up. I became resentful of my sisters because I felt they were dirtying too many dishes. Fast forward to a few years ago; I still resented having to do the dishes. I had my sons take turns doing the dishes, and then they moved out. I talked to my husband about my resentment and asked if he would help, which he did reluctantly, but he often wouldn’t help at all. The truth that set me free from my irrational fairness belief was that I am called to serve others in love as Jesus came to serve.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” – Philippians 2:3-7

 “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh [selfish-pride], but through love serve one another.” – Galatians 5:13

Third, instead of stewing about something you feel is unfair, talk to the person involved in the comparison. Calmly state your observation or point of view, then ask for the other person’s point of view on the situation with a humble attitude. Ask if you can work out a more equitable situation to reduce frustration for both of you. If the other person does not see your perspective, then be patient with them.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if you have a painful memory or resentment controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:

  • Being patient shows wisdom. It is to my glory to overlook an offense and not be prideful and arrogant.  Prov. 19:11; Eccl. 7:8b
  • Being patient calms a quarrel, but anger stirs up strife, so I put off my anger and wanting things my way. Prov 15:18
  • I can be patient with everyone and accept them.  And not complain about them but to forgive them as Christ is patient with me and forgives me. 1 Thes. 5:14b; Col. 3:12b,13
  • I trust God to give me what I truly need in His perfect, divine timing. Phil. 4:19; Luke 12:22-34
  • I can be humble, gentle,  patient, and show tolerance for others in love. Eph. 4:2

RELATED POSTS

1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

What is Wrong with Fairness?

How Patience is a Sign of Maturity

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Love From a Pure Heart


All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

How to Eliminate the “My Way is Better” Belief to Sustain Peace

Have you ever thought, “My way is the better way,” or do you associate with someone who insists their way is the only way? Any time someone thinks that their idea or belief is better, there will be strife. This thought comes from the unhealthy belief that you are better than the other person, often making the other person tense and annoyed. The evidence is everywhere, especially in our political climate, where the liberals think their way is best and the conservative thinks their way is better. Can you spell conflict. I have come to realize that I am arrogant when I insist on my way. Peace can only be sustained when we humbly listen to each other, seek to be wiser, and value the other person we disagree with.

My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.

Where does the “My Way is Better” Belief Come From?

As I write this post, I feel I need to be transparent with you. I had a severe problem with the “It’s my way or the highway” false belief, which caused strife in my family and in myself. Thankfully, I have overcome this unhealthy belief, and now I live in peace with myself and my family. I expected my family to do everything my way, and if they didn’t, I punished them with my anger. I learned that love does not insist on its own way. 1Corinthians 13:4-5 states, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.” Before my heart transformation, I could not meet these expectations of love. You can read about my transformation in the post called WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story

The root cause of this unhealthy belief is self-centered pride, which stems from not feeling loved in your formative years. Because I did not feel loved, I developed a self-centered pride, which served me well when I wanted to accomplish a goal but not with relationships. And I could not handle criticism because I thought I did the best work, and my ideas were the best. Then, I was very defensive when someone didn’t like my idea or what I did, which caused strife. Do you see this in your life?

Because we live in a sinful, self-centered world with other self-centered people, not one of us can escape painful memories and negative heart issues from not feeling loved. Therefore, we all need an inner life transformation. Unresolved negative issues affect all our relationships and even our destiny. You can expose them by paying attention to what you think, say, and do.

Another source for this unhealthy belief is not trusting that the other person can or will do things the way you want them to be done. Not trusting comes from past disappointments, betrayal, and, again, not feeling loved. When you don’t get the things you want or when things are not done as you expect, you feel disappointed, which then causes anger, or you worry that your needs will not be met, or you won’t get what you want.

An unsuspecting source for this arrogant belief is ungratefulness, which is a sign of self-centered pride. Being thankful requires that we value others and the things they do or say. But when you don’t feel valued or have peace within yourself, you can’t show sincere thankfulness for what others do. Unthankful people are often critical and only see how they can do it better, which destroys peace.

What Is the Truth That Transforms this Unhealthy Belief?

The truth is that we can take every wrong thought and false belief captive and ask God to take it from us. Suppose you want to sustain peace in your relationships and within yourself. In that case, you need to forgive those who did not show you the love you needed or desired, then ask God to put His love into your heart. 

Next, ask God to take the self-centered pride from your heart and give you the heart to serve others and value others as more important. Philippians 2:3-5 states, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.” Pray something like this:

Dear Lord, I put off my selfish pride and wanting things my way, and I put on the attitude and belief that I will do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit. I put on Christ’s attitude of humility and count others as more significant than myself. Lord, forgive me for looking to only satisfy my interests at the cost of creating strife and destroying relationships. Please help me not only to look to fulfill my interests but also to value the interests of others.

The truth is that when you want your way and think it is the best way, you don’t care about the other person and their needs and desires. You become jealous when someone gets their way and prevents you from getting what you want or expect. James 3:16-17 states, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile (evil; sinful) practice.17But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” Therefore, a person who seeks to be wise is also at peace with themselves and those around them. So strive to be humble and sincerely open to reason and other people’s ideas and desires. I can only imagine what the world would be like if everyone in the world would get rid of their self-centered pride and arrogance and humbly value others as more important than themselves.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:

The peace of Christ rules in my heart, and I am thankful. Col. 3:15

I can be at peace with everyone and do good. Rom. 12:18; Heb. 12:14; 1 Pet. 3:11

I can be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for others. Titus 3:2  

When I make peace, I will be blessed and be called a child of God. Matt. 5:9

I do not think of myself more highly than others, but in humility, I will regard others as more important than myself. Rom. 12:3; Phil. 2:3

RELATED POSTS

1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

The Core Negative Heart Issue

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

Spiritual Warfare 3: HOW TO BATTLE FOR PEACE

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to trust again.


All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

How to Dig up the Unforgiving Belief to Grow in Love

Is there someone who hurt you that you can’t bring yourself to forgive from your heart? Do you know someone who can’t forgive?” Do you believe the person who wronged you does not deserve forgiveness? I have come to realize that not forgiving is hatred. My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior, and our choices determine our destiny. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.

Where Does the Unforgiving Belief Come From?

The root of unforgiveness is resentment. I was offended by the hurtful words and actions of my mother, father, sisters, friends, and so on, which wounded my soul. The wounds began to fester, and resentment grew. When resentment grows, it becomes bitterness and hate.

Have you known an older person who was bitter because of the wounds from their past? We tend to relive the hurts to justify why we can’t forgive, and we give them the power to control our thoughts. As I said earlier, unforgiveness is hatred toward the person who you feel wronged you. Sometimes we are wronged by someone who did not intentionally want to hurt us, but we take offense by something they said or did or something they did not say or do. Does this make sense? Then there are those we thought loved us yet betrayed us. Betrayal creates a deep wound, and the person who betrayed us is the hardest to forgive.

As I seek God to heal the wounds of my soul, He shows me my resentment toward that person or persons whom I have not forgiven. It may be an offense I have forgotten about, but it grew into resentment that controlled my thoughts. The resentment that kept me in bondage was perceived unfair treatment. I say perceived because I felt something was unfair that may not have been unfair. If I thought my sisters had something I didn’t or got to do something I couldn’t, I would become jealous and think it was unfair.

An example could be that your sibling got a gift you liked. Instead of being happy for them, you became envious and thought it was unfair, especially if they didn’t share their gift with you. Resentment begins to take root. Years later, you wonder why your sibling irritates you. Go to God in prayer and ask Him to show you. You don’t need to forgive your sibling or parents because it was their gift, and they didn’t have to share. But you were offended when they did not share, so you still need to forgive them for not sharing.

Another source of unforgiveness is pride. We often don’t want to forgive because we think that forgiving is excusing them, and we would rather punish them. Unfortunately, we are hurting ourselves more by not forgiving because we give the person who hurt us the power to continue to hurt us through our memories. Sometimes we arrogantly think they don’t deserve to be forgiven. The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35 is an example of how pride keeps you from forgiving and what the consequence is. Jesus tells the parable when Peter asks, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). When we don’t show mercy and forgive as the servant didn’t, we will remain in bondage until we do forgive. Mathew 18:35 states,  “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” 

What Is the Truth That Transforms this Unhealthy Belief?

When we forgive, the power of the offense that controls our thoughts and behavior is removed. You may never forget the painful event, but the memory of that event won’t have power over your thoughts and feelings. You will be free to love and not be in bondage and controlled by hate.

The most important truth is that God forgives us of our sins, so we must forgive others. Otherwise, He will not forgive us. Matthew 6:14-15 states, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” We are commanded to forgive, so if we don’t, it becomes a sin. If we are not forgiven of our sins, then we risk losing our place in heaven.

Know that Jesus suffered many wrongs and lies, yet He forgave even those who beat and whipped Him and then crucified Him (Luke 23:34). 1Peter 2:21-25 states, “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.” God wants to heal the wounds of your soul from the hurt you suffered at the hands of sinners. Aso, ask God to show you how you have sinned against someone and hurt them because of the hurt in your heart.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the false beliefs that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:

  • I believe in Jesus and receive His forgiveness, and I believe He will help me forgive others who have sinned against me. Acts 10:43
  • I can forgive for my own sake, and I receive God’s love and put my trust in Jesus, who forgave me and gave me eternal life. John 3:16
  • I can forgive others who sinned against me, and I accept forgiveness from God for my sins. Matt. 6:14-15
  • Forgiving heals my heart so that I can be kind and tenderhearted. Eph. 4:31-32
  • Forgiveness sets me free from painful memories and opens my heart to love. Col. 3:12-14
  • I surrender my desire to punish, fill my heart with Your love so I can bless those who hurt me. Rom. 12:14
  • I can control how I respond to every situation. I choose to have compassion for myself and others. Col. 3:12-14

Conclusion:

Resentment grows into hate and bitterness, where unforgiveness is. I learned that forgiving those who mistreated me or did not meet my expectations helped me overcome my hatred and resentment. The key is to acknowledge you have the resentful feeling quickly, ask God to expose the wrong thinking, then put it off. Next, forgive if you need to and put on the truth. The freedom from the power of my painful memories has allowed me to love others from a pure heart. I can write a lot more, but you understand because everyone has experienced the feeling of resentment from an offense. I would love to hear how you overcame this unhealthy belief.

RELATED POSTS

1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

Freedom from the Spirit of Jealousy

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

#1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

How to Recognize and Eliminate Emotional Cancer


All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website. 

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

How to Eliminate the “Unworthy” Belief to Have Joy

Have you ever thought, “I have no worth?” This unhealthy belief is one of the many false beliefs that alters reality. My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior, and our choices determine our destiny. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality. Today’s post will help you learn how to transform the “unworthy” belief that makes you sad and depressed so you can have true joy.

Where Does the Unworthy Belief Come From?

The feelings of being unworthy to be loved and valued were the hardest unhealthy belief to transform. This harmful belief is developed in our formative years when our expectations were not met. As a child, you may think that your parents do not value you or love you because they didn’t let you play with so and so, or get you that toy you wanted, or didn’t come to your school event, and so on. You may have forgotten about the disappointment, but the memory still controls your thoughts and beliefs. Remember when you were a pre-teenager? Those were my worst years. It didn’t help that I had learning difficulties, and my family was very poor, so I didn’t have nice clothing like the other girls. I was so insecure and awkward that I didn’t have many friends. I sat alone most days in the lunchroom and on the bus. Then as a young adult and beginning to date, I won’t go there, you know what I mean. The object of your crush has the power to destroy your sense of worth.

What Is the Truth That Replaces the “Unworthy” Unhealthy Belief?

The unhealthy belief of “I’m unworthy…” can be replaced with different truths depending on the source of rejection or disappointment. When you feel unworthy, you have no joy. I was sad and depressed most of my life, even when I was a Christian. My transformation happened when I asked God to show me why I was so sad. He brought to my mind the memories of unfairness and mistreatment by my parents so I could forgive them and receive His healing. I explain this process in my book on my website. God also transformed my many insecurities from feeling unworthy. Most of the time, our sense of unworthiness comes from our wrong thinking about ourselves. We are our own worst enemy when it comes to feeling unworthy of love and being valued.

I transformed the “unworthy” belief with the truth of what God thinks of me. He sees me as holy and beloved. Colossians 3:12-14 states, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Not feeling loved as a child, pre-teen, teen, or adult because of other people’s unkindness and impatience prevent us from loving others well. My book explains how to put off unhealthy beliefs and put on the truth.

God’s chosen are those who believe that Jesus is His Son and paid the debt for our sin to save us from His wrath for sin. God loved us and sent his Son to the earth to experience the pain and temptations we do. Because Jesus did not sin, He became the perfect sacrifice, and He willingly laid down His life for us so we can be forgiven of our sins and have hope for eternal life.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transforming unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them.  Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts.

2. Take it to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced them with scripture truths like the following:

** I am worthy of being loved because I have been made complete in Christ, and I am a new creation. Col. 2:10; 2 Cor. 5:7

** I am valuable because I am made in the image of God; this makes me significant. Gen. 1:27

** My future is full of hope because God has begun a good work in me, and He will complete it (Phil. 1:6). I am His workmanship created for good work. Eph. 2:10; Phil. 2:12b,13

** I am okay because, by God’s mercy, I am being regenerated in my thinking and renewed in my spirit by the Holy Spirit. Titus 3:5b 

** I choose to stay focused on God and receive His love and joy. John 17:13; 15:11

** Nothing has power over me unless I allow it. I choose to rejoice always and not be anxious about anything but continually give my concerns to God with thanksgiving. Phil. 4:4-7

** I am a beautiful work of God, and I am valuable, and I will value myself. Eph. 2:10; Ps. 139:14

** God is love, and God loves me. Nothing in the universe can separate me from the love of God. Rom. 8:39

Conclusion:

The reasons we feel unworthy are many. I learned that forgiving those who had mistreated me or did not meet my expectations helped me overcome my sense of unworthiness. I still struggle with insecurity when my expectations are not met. The key is to acknowledge you have the feeling quickly, find the wrong thinking, put it off, and then forgive if you need to and put on the truth. The experiences in my life showed me that transforming the “unworthy” belief has allowed me to experience joy, God’s love for me, and to love others better. I can write a lot more, but you understand because everyone has experienced the feeling of not being loved and valued. I would love to hear how you overcame this unhealthy belief.

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