Let’s face it, everyone wants fairness. So what is fair? Fair is when you are free from bias. Bias is a feeling or opinion that is preconceived and may be unreasonable. The problem with fairness is what I think is fair may not be fair to you. Everyone perceives fairness according to their bias. A bias to abolish or defund the police is an example of an unreasonable opinion. How is it fair for those who want protection from criminals; to live in peace and not in fear? This is just one example.
Life is not fair.
When you were a child, how often did you say, “that is not fair,” and your parents said, “life is not fair”? What you think is fair may not be what someone else thinks is fair. Why is this? The reason; each of us has a bias and different expectations. I may expect my husband to dust the bedroom because it is fair that he helps out. He thinks it is not fair because he thinks it is my job. Does he have a bias that women do the housework? Why? Where do biases come from? The scenarios are endless. You can never get rid of biases. I had to go through bias training at work to help us be aware of our bias so we do not let bias control our decisions. Is this even possible?
How fairness issues affect your beliefs.
I have an unreasonable desire for fairness. For example, when I think I am doing more work than someone else, I become resentful because I believe the workload should be shared equally. The problem with this unhealthy belief or expectation is whose perception of equal is right? However, it is not unreasonable to expect other people to help out with the workload and to share the responsibility.
I am guilty of sin because I am to serve, not be served. Mark 10:45 states, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” And Philippians 2:3-7, which states,
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant (important) than yourselves. 4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. 5) Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.”
The sin of pride is the reason I don’t want to serve and consider other people’s interests because I believe my interests are more important. To overcome this wrong belief, I must first repent (crucify my pridefulness) by asking God to take the spirit of pride and the unrealistic expectation for fairness from my mind. I also, need to loose/put off the false beliefs that everything has to be fair, and my interests are more important. Next, I ask God to heal the painful memories of perceived unfair actions done against me and the offenses I harbored in my heart. Read my short book on how to heal painful memories: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories
Then, I ask God to forgive me for complaining and saying hurtful things. I apologized for my self-centered, critical attitude, and I forgave the other person for their unkind reactions. Forgiveness is a key step in healing our wounded spirit. Now, I must transform my wrong thinking with the truth of God’s Word and be thankful. Being thankful changes a resentful attitude to a winning attitude. Read my post called A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER.
Exchange bias with truth and obey God’s instructions.
I transformed my unhealthy expectation for fairness with the truth that I am to be a servant as Jesus Christ was and consider the interests of others as more significant. Not that my interests are not significant, but I need to think less of myself and love others with agape love. Agape love is a self-sacrificial love that expects nothing in return and frees you from the bondage of fairness. Christ’s love for us is a sacrificial love. I bind/put on the truth that I will receive a reward from God for the good I do (see Galatians 6:9; Ephesians 6:8; Colossians 1:10; Titus 2:14; 3:8; Hebrews 13:16; and 1 Peter 3:16.) Read my last two posts on goodness: Part 1: How to Achieve Genuine Goodness? and Part 2: How to Overcome Evil with Good.
You cannot stop your bias thoughts by will power. But you can, by prayer, verbally take authority and loose/put off every deceptive or biased thought and replace them with truthful thoughts from God’s Word. Discipline your mind to think thoughts that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise (see Philippians 4:8). Memorizing Scripture is an effective way to put truth into your mind. Last, practice the truth by doing the instructions of God until they become part of your natural reaction that changes your bias for pleasing yourself to serving others with love. Galatians 5:13 states, “For you were called to freedom. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
Do you have a bent toward fairness?
Do you serve others and expect nothing in return?
How can you serve with agape love and put aside your own interests?