Transformation – Hope for Complete Healing

How to Weed out the Protection Belief and Grow Kindness

Why do we have a strong urge to protect ourselves? What are some things we are protecting? For example, most of us want to protect our reputations, physical comfort, egos, heart, and so on. But, if you are in a physically abusive situation, you need to protect yourself and seek a safe place to go. Often, we do not help someone because we fear for our safety, especially in a high-crime area. That kind of protection is reasonable. Unhealthy protection develops because of emotional pain. When we set up walls to protect our hearts, it also prevents us from showing kindness, and I will explain why.

Every experience we have in life affects our perspective going forward. Our perspectives create healthy and unhealthy beliefs. For example, if someone wearing a black ski hat robs you, that will change how you view everyone wearing a black ski hat. Do you see what I mean? My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, which directs our attitudes and behaviors. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality.

What is the purpose of protective beliefs?

I can only speak for myself, but my experience should be similar to many others if I am like the typical human. My unhealthy protection belief began very early because I grew up in a volatile, unstable home, so I had to protect myself to survive my childhood. I will not discuss the many ways we protect ourselves because there are many ways. Let God show you and ask Him to heal the painful memories that developed your protective behaviors.

Protecting our hurting hearts is similar to putting a cast on a broken arm. The cast protects the arm so it can heal. But once the arm mends, the cast has to come off; otherwise, your arm can’t grow normally because of the restriction. In the same way, we need protection while our hearts heal, but if we don’t remove those protections, it will cripple our ability to show love and kindness.

The biblical truths I share in this post are difficult to apply in our strength, especially when we are hurting from an evil done against us. We need to depend on Christ’s strength through His Spirit in us. Ephesians 3:16 states, “According to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being.” Applying these truths through Christ Jesus’s strength and power will remove the restrictive protection beliefs so you can be free to love and be kind.

Where Does the Protection Belief Come From and What is the Truth that Transforms it?

When you are in an unfriendly environment (i.e., work, home, school, and so on), you feel the need to set up boundaries to protect yourself, which may be necessary. We often avoid the unfriendly person or hide, so we do not have to interact with the unkind or hostile person. You may not see the unkind person as an enemy, but dictionary.com (11/06/2021) defines an enemy as “a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent.” Read my post about how to set healthy boundaries: Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People.

The truth: Luke 6:35-36 states, “But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. ³⁶Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.”

Fear causes us to develop an unhealthy protection belief, especially irrational fear like prepping, which is preparing for something that may never happen. I have to confess, I have a touch of that myself, especially with the fear that Biden’s vax-mandate will crash our economy when essential workers walk off the job, then we can’t buy food or other essentials (irrational fear, I know). But will my fear prevent me from showing kindness to my neighbor who is hungry and needs food? To learn how to overcome fear, read HOW FEAR CONTROLS YOU! – ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds

The truth: Hebrews 13:16 states, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” And Philippians 4:5-7 states, “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Betrayal causes us to protect ourselves. I feel betrayed when the people I thought should have loved and protected me are unkind and cruel. We protect our hearts to prevent being betrayed again. Sexual abuse and adultery, I believe, are the worst kind of betrayals. Being betrayed leads to trust and anger issues, which are forms of protection to keep people at a distance. Read my post about how to overcome betrayal: Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to Trust Again.

The truth: Ephesians 4:31-32 states, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³²Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

The protection belief generates trust issues. When you are hurt or offended by an unkind word, a breakup, an unfair action, ostracized from a group, criticism, and so on, you naturally protect your heart from being hurt again. This type of protection often results in passive-aggressive behaviors and depression. Unfortunately, we live in an evil world of hurting people who do evil to others. Ask God to show you the ways you were or are hurtful. One of the definitions of evil is being harmful or detrimental (dictionary.com). You can read my post on overcoming trust issues here.

The truth: 1Peter 3:9-11 states, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. ¹⁰For ‘Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.’” And Romans 12:17-18 states, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

A person spreading gossip or who is lying about you produces self-protection reactions. Anytime there is lying, it destroys reputations and relationships. A person who lies, gossips, or slanders has insecurity issues and is easily controlled by the devil. You can learn how to overcome insecurity by reading this post: Freedom from Insecurity, which is Protected by Betrayal and Control Strongholds

The truth: 2Timothy 2:24-26 states, “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

Conclusion:

All the situations described above cause painful memories and protection beliefs. These painful memories reinforce our need to protect ourselves for years to come. The protection beliefs prevent us from showing genuine kindness to people, especially to those we feel don’t deserve it. Only through the strength and power of the Holy Spirit in us can we overcome and transform the protective strongholds in our lives. The e-book on my website will help you overcome painful memories and unhealthy beliefs. Begin reading 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts. Ask God to search your heart and mind to reveal your unhealthy beliefs.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

KINDNESS Issues

All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

Breaking Childhood Rejection and Insignificance Strongholds.

Rejection in my life began before I was born. My mother found out she was pregnant while attending nursing school, and had to quit and marry my father. Then she was alone in a navy hospital for about three months before my twin sister and I were born. No one came to visit her and my father was out to sea. Then my father was discharged from the Navy so he could take care of his new family. My mother was very unhappy with my father, because he was very irresponsible. I learned this when I found letters she wrote to my grandmother, which revealed a lot about how she was feeling and what was happening at the time I was born.

Thirteen months later another sister was born, who had a lot of health problems. Not only did I have to share my mother with my twin sister, but now I had to compete with another sibling. The spirit of rejection took a stronger hold on my mind. My classmates then rejected me because my family was very poor, and I wore hand-me-down cloths and had lunch tickets. The stronghold of loneliness took hold, and I became withdrawn and escaped into my dreams and watching TV. My mother was angry and depressed because of the spirit of rejection on her from my father and her childhood. Though my mother tried to love us, I never felt loved, which damaged my self-worth. I became dysfunctional in my ability to relate to people, and I could not love or trust other people.

The lies created by rejection and protected by the rejection stronghold.

Satan, who hates mankind and God, will cause children to feel rejected as early as he can to reinforce the stronghold of insignificance, and to keep them in bondage to insecurity. Satan knows that rejection damages our perception of ourselves, other people, and situations. For instance, have you ever felt rejected when you perceived someone excluding you but they weren’t? When you have the spirit of rejection, then you feel rejected when someone does not do what you expect, or does not agree with you, etc.

The first step to removing the spirit of rejection in our lives is to acknowledge its existence. Barbara Taylor, whose book From Rejection to Acceptance has helped many understand and cope with their feelings of being unloved. She wrote on page 48, “Until I was honest enough to admit there was a problem, I had no reason to seek help from God or man. More serious than this was the fact that until I saw the problem was with me, I was convinced that the whole world around me had the problem.” Taylor also lists five lies planted in a child’s mind, each one building on the other:

“I am not loved.”

“I must be unworthy of love.”

“I must perform to win love.”

“If I cannot properly perform, I will be ultimately rejected.”

“If I am rejected, then I must compensate for this rejection.”

?? Have you had any of these lies listed above in your heart and mind?

Damaged love tanks in marriage.

We all desire to feel significant, to be accepted and approved, and we shun rejection. When a person does not feel loved, they do not feel valued, and it damages their self-worth. So, the most painful emotions we store in our hearts are feelings of not being loved, valued, and accepted. Everyone’s love tank is damaged by unkind actions and words. God is love and He created us to love and be loved.

As adults, we expect imperfect people, who have equally damaged love tanks, to love us. So, when two people try to get love but can’t reciprocate love, then they become resentful and angry toward each other. This happened in my first marriage. Only God can love us perfectly, and only God can restore and heal our damaged love issues. The problem with this truth is when a person has a spirit of rejection on them, they also feel God is rejecting them, especially when their prayers go unanswered. So, the key to a healthy marriage is to heal our damaged love tanks and fill it with God’s love.

Getting self-worth from other people’s approval and transform unhealthy beliefs.

As an adult, when I perceived rejection in any form, whether it was rejecting something I said or did, I would become offended and say hurtful things. Even when people did not think as highly of me as I did, I felt rejected. Yes, I was prideful, and I felt I did not deserve to be rejected. This dysfunctional thinking and behavior affected my relationship with my family, and created a spirit of rejection in their lives.

The Holy Spirit showed me that it was a sin to find my significance in what I do, and my worth in people’s opinions. Satan tempts us to focus on other people’s opinions of us to keep us in bondage to getting our value from the approval of people. Our significance and worth come from God and His purpose for us. I repented and reprogram my mind to believe that it only matters what God thinks of me and not what unregenerate people thought of me. We need to understand that people’s opinions are based on their insecurities and damaged self-worth. So, if we are depending on other damaged people to give us worth, then we will remain feeling unloved and insignificant.

In prayer, I loosed and put off the unhealthy beliefs that I need approval to feel valued, and people have to accept me to give me a sense of worth. Then I put in to my heart the truth that God loves and accepts me because I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and became a child of God, which gives me incredible worth and significance. I transformed my beliefs with the following truths. “I can be kind to people who do not value me because I know they have a damaged love tank.” (See Luke 6:35; 1 Thes. 5:15.) “I can receive God’s kindness and love and know that He will not reject me.” “I will live with God for eternity, so I will seek first His kingdom and find my self-worth in His love, peace, joy, and righteousness.” (Read Matt. 6:33; Rom. 14:17.)

Transforming unhealthy beliefs about my self-worth.

Do you believe your worth is in what you do, who you know, how much money and possessions you have, and in what others think of you? I believed the lie that I needed to be important and have significance to have worth. I believed I needed to be in control to feel important. I believed the lie that I needed to be successful to have significance, so I unknowingly rejected anyone who got in my way. In prayer, I loosed and put out of my mind these unhealthy beliefs and repented of these sins. Once my unhealthy beliefs were transformed by truth, I loosed and put off the negative emotional energy from the painful memories of rejection. After I worked through the healing process to eliminate my painful memories through forgiveness, unhealthy beliefs, and the stronghold of rejection, insignificance, and loneliness in my life, I became emotionally stable.

What I learned. The negative opinions that people have about you do not represent the truth, but reflect their damaged emotions and insecurities. When you try to get your worth from other people, from what you own, or from what you do, you will be disappointed and discouraged. Your worth is found in knowing and serving God. So, keep your mind on Jesus and what He thinks of you. Turn every disappointment in your life into a prayer, rejoicing in Jesus, and being thankful in all circumstances (1Thes. 5:16-18).

Hope in God to heal your negative heart issues. Read Psalm 139 to learn what God thinks of you. My book called “Hope for Complete Healing” explains in more detail how to be free from many other unhealthy beliefs and strongholds. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

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Escapism; Protected by Strongholds of Loneliness and Discontentment

Unseen Battle With The Secular World

My struggle with unseen battles with the wicked secular world began at a young age with my dysfunctional parents. Because of the dysfunction of my home life, I mentally and emotionally checked out. I have no memories from the time I was six until after I was eight. At eight years old, I accepted Jesus as my Savior at a Good News Club. Even at eight, my life changed dramatically. I found a place where I felt I belonged and was loved and accepted. Peace became my companion.

Because of the damage to my emotions from the abuse, I was vulnerable to the devil’s lies. So, when I became a teenager, I was drawn into the sinful activities of the secular world. Satan lied to me and said, I would be popular and have fun, but I ended up with regrets and depression. During my third year in college, I recommitted my life to God, though I still struggled with the worldly activities of college life, which took me deeper into depression. Only when I surrendered my mind and heart to God, put off my old sinful way of thinking, read my Bible, and resolved to obey His will, that my soul began to prosper. I continued to struggle with worldly acceptance because I did not submit my pride.

How to recognize the unseen battle with the secular world.

The key is your focus. If your focus is on worldly fulfillment and not on your relationships with God and people, you will never feel satisfied. When you focus on loving God and people by serving them, you will be rewarded beyond explanation. Some people have disciplined their minds to be devoted to God, such as Billy Graham, Mother Teresa, and monks for example. Otherwise, everyone struggles with distracting worldly enticements (worldliness) that draw them away from devotion to God. The dictionary defines worldly as being devoted to or concerned with the affairs, pleasures, interests, etc. of the secular world. The unseen battle with worldliness is the hardest to recognize because we can justify our worldly pursuits.

How the secular world controls your thoughts.

To be victorious over distracting worldly thoughts, you must recognize how the secular world influences and shapes you into its mold. With the help of God through prayer, you can overcome these unseen battles by faith without being legalistic. Remember, what controls your thinking will control how you feel; your feelings control what you believe; and what you believe controls what you say and do. For example, advertisers know they can entice you to buy their product by putting the thought in your mind that the product is desirable and you need it. So, you believe you need that item to improve your life somehow. After you give in to the worldly enticement, then you discover how empty and lonely you still are because nothing will satisfy your soul like serving and loving God and people.

How to overcome the ruler of the world.

The main source of unseen battles with worldliness comes from the demonic realm. Jesus calls Satan “The ruler (prince) of this world.” See, John 12:31; 14:30; and 16:11. The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:2a to “not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds (thoughts, feelings, and beliefs).” You began transforming your mind when you put off your old self (thinking) and its sinful behaviors and put on a new self, which is in the likeness of God, holy and righteous.

Practice your authority through Jesus Christ over the unseen demonic realm. To learn more about your authority in Christ, read, Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer. All thoughts are within your control according to 2Corinthians 10:3-5, which outline our divine authority over thoughts. “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4) For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds (fortresses). 5) We destroy arguments (imaginations, speculation; Greek meaning is logical thinking) and every lofty opinion (judgment) raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” Verse 5 denote a mental war against worldly thinking. You may think you are not affected by the world, but please read this post, RECOGNIZE WORLDLY THINKING AND BE FREE.

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Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

What is Wrong with Fairness?

Let’s face it, everyone wants fairness. So what is fair? Fair is when you are free from bias. Bias is a feeling or opinion that is preconceived and may be unreasonable. The problem with fairness is what I think is fair may not be fair to you. Everyone perceives fairness according to their bias. A bias to abolish or defund the police is an example of an unreasonable opinion. How is it fair for those who want protection from criminals; to live in peace and not in fear? This is just one example.

Life is not fair.

When you were a child, how often did you say, “that is not fair,” and your parents said, “life is not fair”? What you think is fair may not be what someone else thinks is fair. Why is this? The reason; each of us has a bias and different expectations. I may expect my husband to dust the bedroom because it is fair that he helps out. He thinks it is not fair because he thinks it is my job. Does he have a bias that women do the housework? Why? Where do biases come from? The scenarios are endless. You can never get rid of biases. I had to go through bias training at work to help us be aware of our bias so we do not let bias control our decisions. Is this even possible?

How fairness issues affect your beliefs.

I have an unreasonable desire for fairness. For example, when I think I am doing more work than someone else, I become resentful because I believe the workload should be shared equally. The problem with this unhealthy belief or expectation is whose perception of equal is right? However, it is not unreasonable to expect other people to help out with the workload and to share the responsibility.

I am guilty of sin because I am to serve, not be served. Mark 10:45 states, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” And Philippians 2:3-7, which states,

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant (important) than yourselves. 4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. 5) Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.”

The sin of pride is the reason I don’t want to serve and consider other people’s interests because I believe my interests are more important. To overcome this wrong belief, I must first repent (crucify my pridefulness) by asking God to take the spirit of pride and the unrealistic expectation for fairness from my mind. I also, need to loose/put off the false beliefs that everything has to be fair, and my interests are more important. Next, I ask God to heal the painful memories of perceived unfair actions done against me and the offenses I harbored in my heart. Read my short book on how to heal painful memories: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Then, I ask God to forgive me for complaining and saying hurtful things. I apologized for my self-centered, critical attitude, and I forgave the other person for their unkind reactions. Forgiveness is a key step in healing our wounded spirit. Now, I must transform my wrong thinking with the truth of God’s Word and be thankful. Being thankful changes a resentful attitude to a winning attitude. Read my post called A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER.

Exchange bias with truth and obey God’s instructions.

I transformed my unhealthy expectation for fairness with the truth that I am to be a servant as Jesus Christ was and consider the interests of others as more significant. Not that my interests are not significant, but I need to think less of myself and love others with agape love. Agape love is a self-sacrificial love that expects nothing in return and frees you from the bondage of fairness. Christ’s love for us is a sacrificial love. I bind/put on the truth that I will receive a reward from God for the good I do (see Galatians 6:9; Ephesians 6:8; Colossians 1:10; Titus 2:14; 3:8; Hebrews 13:16; and 1 Peter 3:16.) Read my last two posts on goodness: Part 1: How to Achieve Genuine Goodness? and Part 2: How to Overcome Evil with Good.

You cannot stop your bias thoughts by will power. But you can, by prayer, verbally take authority and loose/put off every deceptive or biased thought and replace them with truthful thoughts from God’s Word. Discipline your mind to think thoughts that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise (see Philippians 4:8). Memorizing Scripture is an effective way to put truth into your mind. Last, practice the truth by doing the instructions of God until they become part of your natural reaction that changes your bias for pleasing yourself to serving others with love. Galatians 5:13 states, “For you were called to freedom. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

Do you have a bent toward fairness?

Do you serve others and expect nothing in return?

How can you serve with agape love and put aside your own interests?

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DISCOVER UNRESOLVED NEGATIVE HEART ISSUES

Do you know if you have unresolved childhood and negative heart issues? Because we live in an imperfect world with selfish people, we will be hurt and a negative heart issue begins. Negative heart issues are created by our perception of what others have done to hurt us and what we have done to hurt others. If these issues are not resolved then they control your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. To begin discovering a new reality for your life start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

For example, I realized I felt disconnected from my friends and family, so I thought about my childhood and realized that both my father and mother had disconnected emotionally from me and from each other. Their emotional disconnection from me made me feel unloved, so I emotionally disconnect from them to block the pain of feeling unloved. This reaction carried over into all my relationships, including my relationship with God. I went through the steps for resolving negative heart issues, and I now feel more emotionally connected to my husband, family, and friends. I am now able to mentally process disappointment when my husband does not do what I expect. I am also aware of emotional disconnection issues with other relationships that also need to be resolved.

To begin discovering a new reality for your life start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

The following questions will help you discover your unresolved childhood and negative heart issues that you still have to this day.

1. Do you have angry outbursts when people do things you don’t like (i.e. people don’t drive correctly, or someone does not meet your expectation)?

2. Do you crave acceptance and feel you are a people pleaser and need people’s approval?

3. Do you have feelings of guilt for things you have done or didn’t do to those you should have loved?

4. Are you jealous or envious of someone’s advantage or position in the family or at work?

5. Do you insist on having things your way or live with someone who insists on having things their way?

6. Do you have feelings of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, or person?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the LOVE Issues worksheet.

7. Are you sad and feel despair most of the time?

8. Do you find yourself often doing things to escape loneliness and discontentment?

9. Do you have low expectations of people; that is, you are despondent and feel no hope?

10. Do you feel like you have no worth because others have treated you or still do treat you as not having worth?

11. Do you complain and express dissatisfaction often or have you been the recipient?

12. Do you feel humiliation and shame?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the JOY Issues worksheet.

13. Are you often anxious and worried?

14. Are you immobilized by fear that prevents you from being able to reason logically?

15. Do you feel tense and nervous in certain situations and around certain people?

16. Do you feel agitated with someone because they offended you by something they did, did not do; said, or did not say?

17. Have you experienced strife?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the PEACE Issues worksheet.

18. Do unfair actions upset you?

19. Are you frustrated or impatient when your expectations are not met or is someone frustrated or impatient with you?

20. Do you have unrealistic expectations or does someone have unrealistic expectations of you?

21. Do you find yourself irritated a lot or is someone often irritated with you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the PATIENCE Issues worksheet.

22. Have you been neglected, abandoned, or rejected or have you done the same thing to someone?

23. Have you been hurt by someone who was mean, rude, or rough toward you or have you been mean, rude, or rough to someone?

24. Have you been vengeful or has someone been vindictive toward you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the KINDNESS Issues worksheet.

25. Do you tend to judge people and circumstances?

26. Do you feel guilt from the things you have done?

27. Has someone made you feel inadequate and devalued or have you done the same to someone.

28. Do you find yourself being self-centered and do not want to sacrifice for others?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the GOODNESS Issues worksheet.

29. Do you feel disappointed when your desires are not met and feel no one cares?

30. Do you find you need to lie sometimes to protect yourself or to manipulate the desired outcome and what people think?

31. Have you been a recipient of someone who has lied about you?

32. Do you feel betrayed, victimized, or deceived or have you done this to someone?

33. Are you defiant or sometimes resist or challenge authority?

34. Do you feel you cannot trust others or place your confidence in others?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues worksheet.

35. Do you have chronic health problems and mental distresses?

36. Have you been known to brag and dismiss people because you feel better than them or has this been done to you?

37. Do you sometimes condemn others by strongly disapproving or has someone done this to you?

38. Do you sometimes feel foolish or contemptible and have no dignity?

39. Are you rough and impatient at times or has someone been rough and impatient with you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues worksheet.

40. Are you sensitive when people let you down, and do you want to control people and situations?

41. Do you like your harmful desire(s) and action(s) too much, even though they are destructive?

42. Do you feel disconnected from family and friends?

43. Are you not willing to work or exert yourself and feel you deserve special treatment or has someone told this to you?

44. Do you overreact during stressful circumstances?

45. Do you try to control and manipulate people and situations or has this been done to you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions then work through the SELF-CONTROL Issues worksheet.

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words Produce Death or Life Energy

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21a). The subject of words having power is not a new idea, but so often we forget that our words have power. What happens when someone says hurtful things to you? How do you respond? How about when someone encourages you? How does that make you feel? Words can cripple us or help us soar and accomplish great things.

Consider the following; anytime we speak an unloving, hurtful word to someone, we are wounding the other person and bringing death to that relationship. Would you agree? Also, anytime we speak a negative word about ourselves and our ability; it produces death to our potential. For example, when I believe and say, “I cannot do this;” well then, I won’t be able to do it. If I believe and say, “I’m too stupid,” “I’ll never get this;” well then, I have destroyed my potential ability.

For example, when I told my mother I was going to college, she told me I was too stupid. This comment affected me for several decades. I went to college anyway and graduated. I struggled, but I more than compensated with my other abilities and God’s help. Thirty years later, I contemplated taking graduate-level classes. I was speaking death into my ability because of the words my mother spoke over me many years earlier. First, I forgave her and asked God to take that word curse off me. Second, I was encouraged by the truth in 1 Corinthians 2:16b which states, “But we have the mind of Christ.” This encouragement gave me hope, and I immediately said, yes, I can go to graduate school because with Christ’s mind I could do it. I spoke this truth and it changed my thinking, which affected the course of my life. I applied to graduate school and was accepted. And, because I relied on Christ’s ability and not my insecurity, I did very well.

Can our words bring literal death to a person? I believe it could, especially when we speak words like, I wish you were dead, or it would be better if you would be gone. If you are struggling with these types of word curses, please visit my website to learn how to overcome them. Often these people, who hear these words, commit suicide because of the spirit of rejection is so heavy on them. We need words of encouragement that give hope and empowerment. The Word of God is full of encouragement and words of hope. Read through the nine “Issues Worksheets” on my website to fill your mind with empowering truth and hope. Go to hopeforcompletehealing.com

Furthermore, we all want to be loved and to love. So, when you speak destructive words of rejection to or about someone, you release the negative energy of that word. For example, one inmate in my bible study said that she was told she would be a failure. Being adopted, she already felt rejection, then her adopted mother who believed in her died when she was young. She believed she would be a failure and the feelings of rejection influenced her to make many wrong decisions, which ultimately caused her to end up in jail. Once she became aware of the curses put on her, she forgave the people and put off the curses. She transformed right in front of me, and I saw a tremendous peace and joy come over her. Once we become aware of curses spoken to us by others, we too can verbally loose and put them off and then bind in the truth of God’s Word.

Remember the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This saying is a lie. Hurt people, who have been offended by unloving words and deeds, continue to hurt people. My first husband would speak words of death over me all the time, and I became very depressed and suicidal. My psychologist told me that his opinion was not the truth. My ex-husband was a hurting little boy from an alcoholic family, who had many painful memories. Therefore, his opinion was shaped by the hurt in his heart, which came out of his mouth and created death energy in my soul.

The following verses explain the connection between our thoughts, heart, and words.

Matthew 15:18-19 states, “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. 19) For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.”

Luke 6:45 states, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

The first step to change an evil heart is to change our negative heart issues generated from painful memories. Ask God to show you why you are having negative issues, which come from being offended when we are not loved as we want to be loved. Being offended opens the door to the temptation to be angry, bitter, depressed, then to slander, gossip, and do hurtful things. If you hear yourself saying unloving things or unloving things have been said to you, then please visit my website and read how you can discover a new reality for your life. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

If you haven’t read my first post on the power of our words, I invite you to read it now: WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Power of Offensive Words

If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words

Have you ever considered the power of the spoken or written word? When someone says something hurtful, it creates an offense in our hearts. A person’s words reveal the condition of their heart. Therefore, the person saying the hurtful words is also hurting from the offenses they have stored in their hearts from painful memories. This post explains how to overcome the power of offensive words and actions. But first, let’s review the power of words. Imagine how the progression below is influenced by negative words, then imagine how the progression is influenced by positive words.

Words (positive or negative) create like thoughts.

Thoughts create feelings.

Feelings create beliefs.

Beliefs create attitudes.

Attitudes influence decisions for behavior.

Decisions directs the course of our life.

Change the course of your life by changing your thoughts.

Often, when we become offended, it is because the words or action triggered a subconscious painful memory of an unmet need or expectation. Other times, we become offended because a selfish desire was not met, or our pride was hurt. All of humanity struggles with being self-centered. For instance, someone does something to you or says something about you that you thought was unloving; your first response is to think; that wasn’t right; I didn’t like that. Or you weren’t acknowledged for an achievement, or accepted into a group, or ignored, etc., which hurt your pride. So, when we become offended, we open the door to the temptation to be angry, bitter, depressed, then to slander, gossip, and say hurtful things. Our thoughts and feelings become controlled by the offense, and we do and say hurtful things. To be free from the control of offenses, do the following three actions.

First, is to forgive, which may be hard to do, but it is to set you free from their control on your mind, not for them. Forgiving sets your mind free from the unseen control of negative energy from the hurtful words or actions. Forgiveness also releases the unseen control of negative energy from painful thoughts, so they don’t control our feelings and actions. Second, pray for the person who hurt you, because they are hurting. Praying generates positive energy, that gives you positive feelings and positive thoughts. And third, set your mind on the things of God by reading the Bible and transforming your thoughts to think His thoughts of love for yourself and others. The following post describes this process in detail: Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Sometimes though, you need to set boundaries for people who continue to say abusive, hurtful words, after you have first spoken to them about how their unloving words affect you. You need not let their words control your thinking, feelings, beliefs, and attitude, which is hard to do, but possible when you are quick to forgive.

For example, I became offended by the words on an anniversary card my wonderful husband gave me. He did not intend to offend me, but when I explained why I was offended, he apologized and tried to make it right. Unfortunately, I allowed the offense to get into my heart and control my feelings, and I became miserable and said hurtful things. I’m sure no one else has done that.

When I had enough of feeling sorry for myself, I remembered that I needed to forgive the offense, even though it was not intentional. Then I asked God to forgive me for being hurtful, and to take the power of that memory and negative energy of the offense from my mind and heart. I felt so much better. So often relationships are ruined by hurtful words and holding onto offenses. I realized the quicker I forgave, the more love, peace, and joy I would experience, and the more love, peace, and joy others would experience when they were in my presence.

The anniversary card situation caused me to ask myself, why did that card offend me? I knew from my research that it had triggered a painful memory. So, I asked God to show me what the offense was. He showed me that I was still offended by a hurt from my first marriage. I went through the “Kindness Issues” worksheet on my website to release the offenses I was feeling. Next, I forgave my ex-husband for the hurtful words he had spoken to me, and I asked God to lose and remove the power of that memory and all negative energies from my mind and heart. I also applied the right thinking and truths from the “Joy” and “Peace Issues” worksheets to transform the feelings of hurt and anguish in my heart and mind. After going through the process of healing these negative heart issues, I felt so much peace and joy.

To learn more, please visit my site and read a short book I wrote about how I transformed many negative heart issues and discovered a new reality. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope you found this helpful. May God Bless you richly.

To understand the power of forgiving, read: WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE

You may enjoy reading my next post called: WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words produce death or life energy

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

Dr. Caroline Leaf researches how the brain works, and she wrote the book, “Switch on Your Brain.” She discovered what we consciously think and what we say and do comes from the information and memory images in the unconscious mind that has been accumulating since our birth. These memories form the perceptual base through which we see life and react to stressful situations. She explained how we can change our thinking, and ultimately our reactions to stress. Check out her lectures on YouTube.

Dr. Penfield also did years of extensive research on the brain and memory. He knew the whole nervous system uses a slight amount of electrical current to transmit sensory information to the brain. The brain, in turn, uses that current to record and store the data. He experimented by stimulating the memory areas of the brain with small amounts of electricity and discovered that every experience we have ever had is recorded in minute detail by the brain. Whether or not we can consciously recall them, they are still stored in our memories including the feelings that go along with the stored experiences. We not only remember what we felt, but we tend to feel the same way as adults when we go through a similar experience. Dr. Bruce Lipton is a Cellular Biologist, and his research shows that over 90% of what affects our thoughts, feelings, and actions can be attributed to subconscious memories stored in the cells of our bodies. Southwestern Medical School calls them cellular memories.

The following story is my experience of how an unconscious memory affected my relationship with a friend. I often got angry with the kindest person ever, who said nothing mean or unkind, so why would I get angry, so I asked God to show me why. The word “irresponsibility” came to my mind. I asked Him to show me why this would cause me to be angry. I waited for a little while until God brought up the repressed painful memories of my father’s irresponsibility I had taken offense to. My friend’s irresponsibility triggered my unseen hurts and anger of my father’s irresponsibility. I went through the forgiveness process for each of the painful memories God brought up from my subconscious. Then, I verbally loosed and put off the offenses from my heart and the negative energies associated with the painful memories. Next, I sought God’s forgiveness for my anger toward my friend. When I completed this process, I was no longer angry with anyone who acted irresponsibly. To learn more about forgiveness, see the post: WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE. To learn how to hear from God, read my book I posted on my website.

I was addicted to anger, and it controlled me. Little by little, with God’s help, I worked through my painful memories and broke many strongholds in my life. If you have anger problems, please read the following post: Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds. Dr. Leaf emphasizes the importance of changing toxic memories to effect a change in our lives. My book, called “Hope for Complete Healing” is my testimony of how I have changed my toxic memories and transformed my thoughts, emotions, and behavior.

The sooner we realize how painful memories affect our present beliefs, decisions, and behaviors the sooner we will seek to transform these memories. Only God can help us find subconscious memories that keep us from being healthy and whole. God created us and loves us, and He intimately knows everything about us (see Psalm 139). The concept of God may not be part of your thinking or belief, but ask Him to show Himself to you. I know He is an Almighty Spirit, who always was, always will be, and is the creator of Universe and mankind. He also wants to be in a loving relationship with us through His Son Jesus Christ, who died to pay the penalty of our sins. If you are offended by God, which we all have been if we are honest, then seek His forgiveness and healing of that hurt. There is so much more I could say, so I encourage you to read my web page called Who God is — Daily A-C-T-S Prayers and look up the verses I reference.

I was healed of many painful memories that controlled my reaction to stressful situations. Visit my website to learn more about how our memories control our lives and how to transform them. https://hopeforcompletehealing.com/

All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family; hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

If you find this website helpful, you will benefit from the latest book. You can order Breaking Mental Strongholds on Amazon.

Also, check out my book called Fighting Unseen Battles on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

So why is pride a destructive force? Pride is more than feeling good when we accomplish something great. Arrogant or conceited pride keeps us from loving others well. Second, pride prevents us from seeing the sin of thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought. Last, pride justifies self-centered behavior that erodes relationships. Not only is pride destructive, but God hates pride and will oppose anyone who is prideful, which is explained at the end of this post. So, if we don’t want God opposing us, then we need to seriously seek to get rid of pride.

A humble person exhibits acts of selflessness, kindness, patience, and gentleness. They are not self-asserting or boastful but are more concerned about others. Humble people are meek and not inclined to anger or resentment from insults and offenses. Meekness shows incredible strength. Humble people are merciful, polite, and respectful. People like being around those who are humble because they feel loved and safe, and never judged.

Every person has pride problems because the sinful human nature is self-centered, wanting only to please itself. Also, a self-centered person does not desire to seek God or to do His will. On the other hand, Christianity is about being Christ-like and other-centered. Pride is often revealed by what we say about other people and situations, especially when we compare ourselves favorably. For example, I demeaned my husband by saying I was a harder worker than him. Because of my pride, I thought I could do things better than other people, and they should recognize that. So, if you sincerely want to know your pride issues, you can ask one of your loved ones, but humbly be prepared to accept what they have to say. Being easily offended shows pridefulness.

How to free from the sin of pride.

When you ask God to show you your sin, wait quietly for the Holy Spirit flow by keeping your mind tuned to flowing pictures/visions and emotions. I learned this from Mark Virkler in his CD called “Seven Prayers that Heal the Heart.” Dr. Virkler said if you neglect this, your prayers will come from your head, and will not heal your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to see your pride issues as you read the following questions.

Do I have a high or undue opinion of my own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority and expect other people to cater to my every wish and want?
Do I have an exaggerated self-esteem with a higher opinion of myself than is held by others? If someone does not have the same opinion of my worth, do I become offended?
Am I conceited because of my achievements and look down on others?
Am I haughty and judgemental by showing disdain, contempt, or scorn for others who are not like me?
Do I want to control what people do and think and get angry if I can’t?

Prayerfully ask God to expose your wrong thinking, unhealthy beliefs, offenses, and resentments. As the Holy Spirit shows them to you, write them down, then pray the following prayer model. When I prayed this prayer to get rid of my pride, it became hard for me to breath because the spirit of pride did not want to give up control of my heart and mind.

Lord, I confess I have sinful pride in my heart. I can see where pride hurts my relationships and _(list other things the Holy Spirit showed you)_, and I ask You to forgive and cleanse me of the sin of pride.

I loose/put off my prideful attitude and the spirit of pride from my heart. I loose/put off wrong thinking and unhealthy belief(s) of _(list wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs)_ in Jesus’ name. Next, I loose and destroy all oppressive spirit attachments and generational sins and markers from my DNA related to pride in Jesus’ name. And, I loose _(offense/resentment)_ I have harbored in my heart and the oppressive spirit attachments.

I bind in the truths that humility is realizing everything I have, including my abilities, is a gift from God (see Deuteronomy. 8:17-18). And I don’t think of myself more highly than others, but in humility, I will regard others as more important than myself (see Romans 12:3 and Philippians 2:3). Amen.

After learning these truths, I now take my angry, impatient, and controlling thoughts captive and walk them back by consciously stopping the reactive thought then thinking a truthful thought. I can live in peace with everyone as far as it depends on me. In the New International Version, Hebrews 12:14 states, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy, without holiness no one will see the Lord.”

I also put into my mind and heart the truths that humility is realizing that everything I have, including my abilities, is a gift from God (Deut. 8:17-18). And I don’t think of myself more highly than others, but in humility, I will regard others as more important than myself (see Romans 12:3; Philippians 2:3).

The more we transform our thinking with the truth found in the Bible (see Romans 12:2) and are renewed by the Holy Spirit, the more like God we will be (see Ephesians 4:23), which is loving, patient, kind, peaceful, faithful, humble, full of joy, and self-controlled. To learn how I became free to live a transformed and renewed life and how you can be free to live a new reality, visit my website: https://hopeforcompletehealing.com/.

Ponder the following Scriptures to learn how pride will destroy you.

2 Chronicles 26:16 states, “But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction. For he was unfaithful to the LORD his God ….”

?? Why are we unfaithful to God when we become strong?

?? How do you think pride destroys us when we become strong?

?? Think about a time when pride brought destruction in your life or someone else’s life.

2 Chronicles 32:25 states, “… for his heart was proud. Therefore wrath came upon him ….”

?? Why does a proud heart deserve the wrath of God? (see Romans 2:5-8; 5:9; 13:5; Ephesians 5:6; and Colossians 3:6)

Psalms 10:4 states, “In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek Him; all his thoughts are, ‘There is no God.’”

?? Why doesn’t a proud person seek God?

Psalms 31:23 states, “Love the LORD, all you his saints! The LORD preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.”

?? What is the difference between the faithful and the proud person?

Psalms 59:12 states, “For the sin of their mouths, the words of their lips, let them be trapped in their pride. For the cursing and lies that they utter,”

?? How do the words of the proud trap them?

?? How is lying a sign of pride?

Proverbs 11:2 states, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”

?? Why would the humble be wise, and the proud be disgraced?

Proverbs 16:18 states, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

?? What causes a haughty person to fall?

Proverbs 21:24 states, “‘Scoffer’ is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who acts with arrogant pride.”

?? Why do the arrogant scoff (an expression of mocking contempt, scorn; jeer)?

Proverbs 29:23 states, “One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.”

?? How does pride bring a person low and how do the lowly obtain honor?

Ecclesiastes 7:8 states, “Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.”

?? Why is a proud person not patient?

Obadiah 1:3a states, “The pride (arrogance) of your heart has deceived you, …”

?? How does pride deceive us?

Romans 11:20, 23 states, “That is true. They were broken off because of their unbelief, but you stand fast through faith. So do not become proud (conceited), but fear. 23) And even they, if they do not continue in their unbelief, will be grafted in, for God has the power to graft them in again.”

?? How does standing fast in your faith and fearing God keep you from becoming prideful?

James 4:6 states, “But he gives more grace. Therefore, it says, ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’” (Also see 1 Peter 5:5.)

?? Why does God oppose the proud?

Understand, God hates pride. Proverbs 8:13 states, “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil (sinful behavior) and perverted speech I [God] hate.” Also, look-up the seven things God hates in Proverbs 6:16-19. Not only does God hate pride and arrogance, but He also hates evil behavior, which is morally bad and depraved. He also hates perverted speech, which is speech that deviates from what is good or true (i.e. lying). To be sure, a proud heart will not humbly submit to God or others and do what is right (see Romans 8:7).

Read my other posts about Pride:

How I became free from pride: The Core Negative Heart Issue

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

Freedom from Impatience and Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness

All Scripture is from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

If you find this website helpful, you will benefit from the latest book. You can order Breaking Mental Strongholds on Amazon.

Also, check out my book called Fighting Unseen Battles on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

Minimize Memory Clutter

Do you know any minimalist? My husband and I read a book on being a minimalist. The author said that a minimalist sells, throws away, or gives away possessions they do not use or does not have sentimental value. Minimalists say that decreasing ones possessions will reduce stress and free up time. My husband wants to be an extreme minimalist and reduce our possessions to the smallest amount possible. I think he wants to get rid of my things that he thinks is unnecessary. I told him to start with his things, such as the crow decoys in the shed and hunting blinds in the basement that he never uses. Do you have an attic, basement, garage, spare room, or shed full of stuff you know longer use or need? For more information, watch the YouTube videos on being a minimalist.

So, can our memories be mental clutter that keep us from being productive and stress free? I learned from Dr. Caroline Leaf that most of our memories are in our subconscious mind and we are not even aware of how much they are controlling our thinking. It is my experience that my subconscious painful memories dominated my life and caused tremendous stress. The reason was because my memories controlled my thoughts, which often led to emotional stress and dysfunctional reactions. To learn more read: HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

So why should we minimize painful memories? First, you will think more clearly, that is, your memories will not control your thoughts. Secondly, you will be free to choose loving and kind responses during stressful situations instead of following programmed memory behavior scripts.

When to minimize memory clutter. Do you think about the painful things done or said to you? Do you feel angry, impatient, irritated, or frustrated? Do you complain? If you answered yes to any one of these questions, then you need to clean out the unloving and unkind memories that do not help you be a loving and kind person.

So how do you minimize memories? Romans 12:2 states, “… but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” The last blog I posted was on this topic of inner self transformation and renewing your mind. So, I will not repeat what I wrote and would encourage you to read that post to learn more. WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story Also, 2 Corinthians 4:16 states, “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

We minimize our memory clutter the same way we minimize our physical clutter; one item at a time. The only exception is we need God to search our minds and to bring those memories to be eliminated out of our subconscious. I explain how to do this on the pages listed on my website. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Reducing memory clutter of all the negative, painful, and disappointing experiences in my life freed me to enjoy my life, love others, and to be thankful.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).