HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

So why is pride a destructive force? Pride is more than feeling good when we accomplish something great.  Arrogant or conceited pride keeps us from loving others well.  Second, pride prevents us from seeing the sin of thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought.  Last, pride justifies self-centered behavior that erodes relationships.  Not only is pride destructive, but God hates pride and will oppose anyone who is prideful, which is explained at the end of this post.  So, if we don’t want God opposing us then we need to seriously seek to get rid of pride.

You see, pride caused Lucifer, the most beautiful angel, to be thrown out of heaven and to the earth with a 1/3 of the angels who were also prideful.  Lucifer is renamed Satan, which means destroyer (see Isaiah 14:12-14; Revelations 9:11; and John 10:10a) and the fallen angels are now called demons.  So, pride is the one unseen battle for our minds that satan will tempt us with again and again because he knows pride is destructive.

Every person has pride problems because the sinful human nature is self-centered, wanting only to please itself.  Also, a self-centered person does not desire to seek God or to do His will.  On the other hand, Christianity is about being Christ and other-centered.

Read over the following definition of pride and humility and sincerely ask God to show you what your pride issues are. Be sensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit.  When you discover your pride issue, ask God for forgiveness and to take the specific pride issue from you, and then to give you His humility and love for others.  I also had to ask God to take the spirit of pride out of my heart and mind, and I felt a difference when it left.

Pride is a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, also known as exaggerated self-esteem or arrogance.  Prideful people think they are better than other people and will display contempt toward those who don’t value them or their abilities.  Prideful people will show disdain, contempt, or scorn for others who they think is beneath them or who disagrees with them.  They are judgemental and condemning of others and do not show mercy.

Pridefulness is exposed by what we say, especially when we speak more favorably of ourselves. For example, I would demean my husband by saying I was a harder worker than him; this is pride.  And, I pridefully believed I did things better, and others should recognize it and praise me.   Pride is evident when we try to control everything because we think we can do things better.  For example, I became angry or frustrated when something was outside my control, like how other people drove or the choices they made.  Also, getting angry when something does not go your way shows an impatient spirit, controlled by pride. Prideful people are also insecure and judgmental.  We display our pride in different ways, and it does not matter what form it takes, it still is a destructive sin.

A humble person exhibits acts of selflessness, kindness, patience, and gentleness.  They are not self-asserting or boastful but are more concerned about others.  Humble people are meek and not inclined to anger or resentment from insults and offenses.  They are merciful, polite, and respectful.  People like being around those who are humble because they feel loved and safe, and never judged.

After learning these truths, I now take my angry, impatient, and controlling thoughts captive and walk them back by consciously stopping the reactive thought and thinking a truthful thought.   The truth is that I can live in peace with everyone as far as it depends on me.  In the New International Version, Hebrews 12:14 states, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy, without holiness no one will see the Lord.”    I also put into my mind and heart the truths that humility is realizing that everything I have, including my abilities, is a gift from God (Deut. 8:17-18).  And I don’t think of myself more highly than others, but in humility, I will regard others as more important than myself (Rom. 12:3; Phil. 2:3).  The more we transform our thinking with truth found in the Word of God (Romans 12:2) and are renewed by the Holy Spirit, the more like God we will be (Ephesians 4:23), which is loving, patient, kind, peaceful, faithful, humble, full of joy, and self-controlled.  To learn how I became free to live a transformed and renewed life and how you can be free to live a new reality, visit my website: https://hopeforcompletehealing.com/.

To get a better understanding of what God thinks of pride, read the following Scriptures and write out your reflections to help you internalize these truths.


2 Chronicles 26:16 states, “But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction. For he was unfaithful to the LORD his God ….”

     ??  Why would we be unfaithful to God when be become strong?

     ??  How do you think pride destroys us?

     ??  Think about a time when pride brought destruction in your life or someone else’s life.


2 Chronicles 32:25 states, “… for his heart was proud. Therefore wrath came upon him ….”

     ??  Why would a proud heart deserve the wrath of God?


Psalms 10:4 states, “In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek Him; all his thoughts are, ‘There is no God.’”

     ??  Why doesn’t a  proud person seek God? 

     ??  And why would a proud man say, “There is no God.?”


Psalms 31:23 states, “Love the LORD, all you his saints! The LORD preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.”

     ??  What is the difference between the faithful and the proud person?

     ??  How do you think God preserves faithful people, and repays prideful people?


Psalms 59:12 states, “For the sin of their mouths, the words of their lips, let them be trapped in their pride.  For the cursing and lies that they utter,”

     ??  How do the words of the proud trap them?

     ??  How is lying a sign of pride?


Proverbs 11:2 states, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”

     ??  Why would the humble be wise, and the proud be disgraced?


Proverbs 16:18 states, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

     ??  Why would pride bring destruction?  Give an example.

     ??  What would cause a haughty person to fall?


Proverbs 21:24 states, “’Scoffer’ is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who acts with arrogant pride.”

     ??  Why do the arrogant scoff (an expression of mocking contempt, scorn; jeer)?


Proverbs 29:23 states, “One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.”

     ??  How does pride bring a person low and how do the lowly obtain honor?


Ecclesiastes 7:8 states, “Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.”

     ??  Why is a patient spirit better than a proud spirit?

     ??  Why is a proud person not patient?


Obadiah 1:3a states, “The pride (arrogance; NAS) of your heart has deceived you, …”

     ??  Why does pride deceive us?


Romans 11:20, 23 states, “That is true. They were broken off because of their unbelief, but you stand fast through faith. So do not become proud (conceited; NAS), but fear. 23) And even they, if they do not continue in their unbelief, will be grafted in, for God has the power to graft them in again.”

     ??  How does standing fast in our faith and fearing God keep us from becoming prideful?


James 4:6 states, “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’” (Also see 1 Peter 5:5.)

     ??  Why does God oppose the proud?


Understand, God hates pride.  Proverbs 8:13 states, “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil.  Pride and arrogance and the way of evil (evil behavior; NIV) and perverted speech I hate.”  Also, look-up the seven things God hates; Proverbs 6:16-19.   Not only does God hate pride and arrogance, but He also hates evil behavior, which is morally bad and depraved.  He also hates perverted speech, which is speech that deviates from what is good or true,  i.e., lying.  To be sure, a proud heart will not humbly submit to God or others and do what is right.

??  Would it be better to remain prideful or to humble ourselves and submit to God.  Why?

Read my other posts about Pride: Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds and Freedom from Impatience and Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness

Minimize Memory Clutter

Do you know any minimalist? My husband and I read a book on being a minimalist. The author said that a minimalist sells, throws away, or gives away possessions they do not use or does not have sentimental value. Minimalists say that decreasing ones possessions will reduce stress and free up time. My husband wants to be an extreme minimalist and reduce our possessions to the smallest amount possible. I think he wants to get rid of my things that he thinks is unnecessary. I told him to start with his things, such as the crow decoys in the shed and hunting blinds in the basement that he never uses. Do you have an attic, basement, garage, spare room, or shed full of stuff you know longer use or need? For more information, watch the YouTube videos.

So, can our memories be mental clutter that keep us from being productive and stress free? I learned from Dr. Caroline Leaf that most of our memories are in our subconscious mind and we are not even aware of how much they are controlling our thinking.  It is my experience that my subconscious painful memories dominated my life and caused tremendous stress. The reason was because my memories controlled my thoughts, which often led to emotional stress and dysfunctional reactions.

So why should we minimize painful memories? First, you will think more clearly, that is, your memories will not control your thoughts. Secondly, you will be free to choose loving and kind responses to stressful situations instead of following programmed memory behavior scripts.

How do you know if you need to minimize memory clutter? Do you think about the painful things done or said to you? Do you feel angry, impatient, irritated, or frustrated? Do you complain? If you answered yes to any one of these questions, then you need to clean out the unloving and unkind memories that do not help you to be a loving and kind person.

So how do you minimize memories? Romans 12:2 states, “… but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.”  The last blog I posted was on this topic of inner self transformation and renewing your mind. So, I will not repeat what I wrote and would encourage you to read that post to learn more. Also, 2 Corinthians 4:16 states, So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

We minimize our memory clutter the same way we minimize our physical clutter; one item at a time. The only exception is we need God to search our minds and to bring those memories out of our subconscious to be eliminated. I explain how to do this on the pages listed on my website.

Reducing memory clutter of all the negative, painful, and disappointing experiences in my life freed me to enjoy my life, love others, and to be thankful.

WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story

When you view yourself in the mirror what do you see; a beautiful butterfly or an ugly caterpillar?

Before my life transformation, I looked in the mirror and saw a lonely, hurting, and unlovable child in an adult body. I desire to transform into a person who would know, feel, and show love.  But because of the many offenses in my heart from my abusive and dysfunctional past, I had unhealthy beliefs and unloving thoughts.

So what does it mean to love?  My view of love is being patient, kind, polite, humble, fair, appreciative, compassionate, forgiving, preferring others, etc.  Do you want to be loved like this?  Why are people so dsyfunctional and abusive toward each other?

People throw the terms abusive and dysfunction around, but what do they mean?  And what are offenses?  The following definitions are from the Webster’s dictionary.

Dysfunctional is to be abnormal and/or impaired. An abnormal person is not emotionally stable, secure, or peaceful. And someone who is impaired cannot relate emotionally because of alcohol, drugs, mental illness, addiction, etc.

Abuse is the mistreatment of others that causes physical, emotional, and mental harm.  Abuse also includes using insulting, coarse, or bad language about or to someone.

Offenses are resentments, hurt feelings, and displeasure from the pain of being unfairly treated, mistreated, disrespected, betrayed, unaccepted, and ignored. These painful memories continually generate offense, which in turn generate angry thoughts that are exposed by what we say and do to those around us. But because we live in a sinful world, not one of us can escape the pain of not being purely loved and accepted. Therefore we all need an inner life transformation from God who is love.

My transformation began at eight years old when I heard the good news about Jesus Christ, and I believed. After asking Him to come into my heart, I felt His life in me, and I also felt hope for the first time.  Unfortunately, I continued to live in a dysfunctional and abusive home. Painful memories and the related emotional stress continued to build up in my heart.  Because I didn’t feel safe, I became fearful and anxious.  In addition, I was lonely and discontent, which led to different escaping behaviors.  Though both my parents professed to be “Christians,” they continued to sin because of offenses in their hearts from the painful memories of their dysfunctional pasts.

My first marriage was to a hurting “Christian” man who would be abusive because of the offenses in his heart.  As a result, I became depressed, even more insecure, angry, and controlling.  I realized I needed to change for the sake of my children, myself, to please God, and to be a mature Christian.   So, I went to several psychologists; read many self-help books; and attended several bible study groups, but did not experience a change in my life.  These activities only exposed the depravity of my heart. And since inner life transformation did not occur, I continued to act out of my wounded, sinful heart.  For more details of how I trusted God’s promises to help me when we separated and divorced read Trust God to Keep His Promises

I asked God to show me why I reacted with so much anger instead of love, and how I could change.  I was the perfect person to test what worked and did not work for transforming a hurting heart into a loving heart.  As a result of my prayer, God showed me how to heal the hurts and offenses in my heart with truth while using specific prayers and requests as outlined next.

  • Uncover and eliminate the painful memories that caused the hurt. And to forgive those involved.  If you struggle with forgiving please read WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE.
  • Identify and eliminate the unhealthy beliefs that cause unloving thinking and replace them with the truth.  For more details read UNHEALTHY BELIEFS PART 1: What are they and where do they come from?
  • Identify and eliminate strongholds that protect the painful memories and unhealthy beliefs from being healed.  To understand what strongholds are read STRONGHOLDS PART I—What are they and how do they affect us?
  • Identify and eliminate generational curses and sins that prevented the transformation of dysfunctional patterns.
  • Eliminate the oppressive spirits (negative energy) associated with the painful memories which perpetuate the offenses.

Further explanations of these specific prayers are found on my website called hopeforcompletehealing.com. When God transformed my heart by healing painful memories, my marriage, family relationships, and work relationships have also transformed into healthy relationships. 

Now I look in the mirror and see a happy, emotionally healthy, and content woman; not a hurting, lonely, and unlovable little girl.  When you view yourself in the mirror what do you see? 

12 JOY Stealers and 10 Transformation Statements

I suffered from all 12 joy stealers. In fact, I was so miserable that my husband often threatened to call me “ce” instead of Joyce (true story).  I wrote in my last two posts about suffering well.  For many of us, we do not suffer well and we relive painful memories, thus, perpetuating the pain that robs us of joy in our present life.

12 JOY STEALERS

Sadness: sorrow about the loss of love, honor, respect, innocence, and not being accepted. It is a feeling of dejection, which is a low spirit of depression and discouragement.

Depression: brooding on one’s problems

Apathy: absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement (I don’t care attitude)

Despair: loss of hope

Discouragement: having no courage, confidence, or hope

Grief: keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss

Hopelessness: having no expectation of a favorable outcome

Despondency: being in very low spirits due to a loss of hope and a sense of futility about continuing one’s efforts

Misery: a condition of great suffering because of pain, poverty, etc.; distress

Feeling Inferior: below average; low status, rank, etc.

Feeling Worthless: without worth; of no use, importance, or value

Complaining attitude: to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault

I spoke with an elderly man who spent his whole life reliving his past hurts. Have you ever been around people who have to tell you how bad they had it and the terrible things that happened in their life? How does that make you feel? Do you relive your past hurts and disappointments? I too suffered a lot of hurts, disappointments, abuses, rejections, betrayals, etc., which was why I had no joy and was always angry. I didn’t like living with myself and I made everyone else miserable. My website, hopeforcompeletehealing.com, contains my story and how I discovered the secret to overcoming these 12 joy stealers, plus so much more.

I asked the elderly man what the purpose was for telling us these terrible things. He said he can’t get them out of his head.  I told him the first step was to forgive each person who caused him pain, and then to ask God to take that memory out of his head.  I overcame my painful memories by doing this. In fact, just today, I was complaining again. By the way, complaining is a symptom of a painful memory. So, I asked God to show me why I was complaining.  I waited until God brought the memories to my mind of how my father often let me down.  Next, I forgave him and asked God to lose (untie and remove) each memory from my mind related to the unmet expectations and the resulting disappointment. This process is explained in detail on my website. I invite you to visit my site to learn more.

JOY IS:

Very glad: happy; pleased

Grateful: a feeling of thankful appreciation

Great pleasure: enjoyment, delight, satisfaction

Delighted for what Christ has done for us

Rejoicing attitude: expression of joy or gladness

As the painful memories are healed pray and bind-in/put on the following 10 TRUTH AND TRANSFORMATION STATEMENTS

I choose to stay focused on God and receive His love, and be filled with joy. John 17:13; John 15:11

I choose to rejoice always, pray without ceasing; and be thankful in everything for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus. 1 Thes. 5:16-18

The God of hope fills me with joy and peace as I believe, so that I will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Rom. 15:13; Rom. 5:3-5

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Neh. 8:10

Joy is found in the presence of God, and He will make know to me the path of life and bring me to a place of abundance. Ps. 16:11

Nothing has power over me unless I allow it. I choose to be free and rejoice always and not be anxious about anything, but continually give my concerns to God. Phil. 4:4-7

Joy is knowing that even the demons are subject to Jesus’s name and I am protected from evil. Luke 10:17; 1 Jn. 5:18; Jn. 17:15; 2 Thes. 3:3

Joy is found in believing the truths of the Word of God. John 15:11; Mk. 4:16

Happiness depends on circumstances. I can have joy in spite of my circumstances. I can be thankful even when life is hard because I am becoming complete and lacking nothing. James 1:2-3

A joyful heart is good medicine and I will focus on God and not my circumstances or past. Prov. 17:22

DISCOVERING UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD ISSUES QUIZ

We all have unresolved childhood issues because we live in an imperfect world, with imperfect people, who do not love perfectly.  The following questions will help you discover what unresolved childhood issues you have.

Do you have uncontrollable angry outbursts?

Are you sad most of the time or feel humiliation and shame?

Do you overreact at the slightest injustice or impatient with everyone and everything that does not meet your expectations?

Are you anxious and worried a lot?

Are you sensitive when people let you down or do you want to control people and situations?

Do you feel disappointed when your desires are not met and feel no one cares?

Do you crave acceptance and feel you are a people pleaser and need people’s approval?

Are you immobilized by fear that prevents you from being able to reason logically?

Do you tend to judge people and circumstances?

Do you find yourself often doing things to escape loneliness and discontentment?

Do you have feelings of guilt and do not like yourself?

Do you like your harmful desire(s) and action(s) too much, even though they are destructive?

Do you find you need to lie sometimes to protect yourself or to manipulate a desired outcome?

Do you have health problems and mental distresses?

If you answered “yes” to even ONE of these questions, then you have unresolved childhood issues in that area. Unresolved childhood issues affect all of our relationships, and you know they exist by paying attention to your thoughts and reactions. I encourage you to keep a diary of your thoughts and reactions for one month. Then in a chart, break out the different negative thoughts you had so you can see them plainly. In another chart, break out the negative behaviors you recorded, like “…angry with my husband for not putting the dishes away” or “was impatient with my co-worker when she made a mistake,” etc.

Next, read each chapter of my healing book on my website, so you understand why we have unresolved childhood issues and how to resolve them. Working through your unresolved childhood issues will take time, but it is well worth the time. I have seen incredible results in my life, marriage, family, and workplace relationships. I am constantly referring to the “issues” work pages on this website to resolve the negative issues from my past when I see their effect in my present life.

For example, I realized I felt disconnected from my friends and family, so I thought about my childhood and realized that both my father and mother had disconnected emotionally from me. Their emotional disconnection from me made me feel unloved so I emotionally disconnect from them to block the pain of feeling unloved. This reaction carried over into all my relationships, including my relationship with God. I went through the steps for resolving issues, and I now feel more emotionally connected to my husband.  I was able to mentally process disappointment when he did not do what I expected. I am also aware of emotional disconnection issues with other relationships that also need to be resolved.

Resolving childhood issues takes time, but you do it so you can love with a pure heart.  To begin disovering a new reality of love for your life start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Love From a Pure Heart

How do you want to be loved?  What keeps you from loving others as you want to be loved?

We should first look at the gold standard for how we should love other people, which is according to the Bible.  1 Corinthians 13 is the love chapter and it says in the following verses: “4) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. 5) It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6) it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” (English Standard Version)  Wouldn’t it be great if all the people of the world would love like this?  How about if our family members would love us like this?  Can we each love like this?

People certainly do not love as described above, which creates hurt and offenses in our hearts and wounds in our souls.  An offense is an act of creating resentment, hurt feelings, displeasure, etc.  The most painful memories we store as offenses are memories of not being loved, valued, and accepted.  Children are very vulnerable and are easily hurt when these three desires are unmet.  As a result children develop insecurities, which are lies about life and themselves, that are carried into adulthood.  Because of these painful memories from childhood, we are tempted to get involved in relationships that would continue the pain of not getting these same needs met.  I was one of those people, and my marriage ended in divorce.  The reason for this is because people try to get their need for love, value, and acceptance through other insecure people who are equally trying to get these same unmet childhood needs to be met.  Unfortunately, these people have so much hurt and offense in their hearts that they cannot give the love, value, and acceptance they also desperately want.  This leaves each person feeling rejected, resentful, angry, sad, depressed, hurt, frustrated, betrayed, disconnected, etc., which block our ability to love from a pure heart.  The fact is, only God can meet our need for love, value, and acceptance perfectly.

Since the Bible is the authority on what love is, it is also the authority on God’s love: 1 John 4:8 & 16a says that God is love; and we are made in His image and likeness (Gen. 1:26); therefore, we are created to love and be loved but because of evil and sin in the world, we become void of genuine love and the ability to love from a pure heart.  In fact, the bible says that God abounds in steadfast love and faithfulnessPsalms 86:15 says, “But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious (compassionate), slow to anger and abounding in steadfast (unfailing, abundant) love and faithfulness (truth).”  God also said this same thing about himself in Ex. 34:6.  The words “steadfast love” is recorded 398 times in the English Standard Version of the Bible, which is closely translated from the original texts.  Additionally, God loves us sacrificially (see 1 John 4:10, 16-21; Rom. 5:8; John 15:13; 1 John 3:16-18; John 3:16).  In return, we are to love God with all our hearts, minds, and souls (see Deut. 6:5; 10:12; 11:13; 13:3; 30:6; Joshua 22:5; Matt. 22.37; Mark 12:30), which we cannot do when our hearts are full of offenses and hate.  Not only are we to love God, but we are to love others (see 1 John 4:7-11,12; Lev. 19:18; Matt. 22:39; Mark 12:32; John 13:34; Rom. 13:9).  In fact, loving others is the fulfillment of the law (see James 2:8; Rom. 13:8,10; Gal. 5:14).

How can we love from a pure heart: 1 Peter 1:22 & 23 says, “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth (found in the Bible) for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 23) since you have been born again (1 Pet. 1:3), not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding Word of God.”  (also see Heb. 4:12, which says, “the Word of God is living and active“)  1Timothy 1:5 says, “The aim of our charge (goal of our instruction; NAS) is love that comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere (genuine) faith.”  2 Timothy 2:22 also says, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”  To learn how to love from a pure heart, please visit my website, hopeforcompletehealing.com where you will find research and examples of how to purify your heart and mind from the many offenses you have stored up over your lifetime.  These methods have been tried and are incredibly successful.

Freedom from Insecurity, which is Protected by Betrayal and Control Strongholds

We all have some measure of insecurity, whether we realize it or not, because we live with and work with sinful, hurting people who hurt others, and we are not exempt. Insecurities are revealed by the negative reactions when they are triggered by what someone says, does, or does not do. For example, if someone found fault with me or with what I did, I would have an anxiety attack, and feel they didn’t like me, and that I will never be good enough. If someone did not give me the praise for doing something, then I would feel rejected and unappreciated, etc. Another example is when I would suggest doing something or going somewhere, and I would be ignored or discounted, then I would get angry and feel sorry for myself because I didn’t feel valued so I withdrew or acted out of anger to get control. Insecurities are also revealed by the negative tapes that are automatically played out when we feel out of control or discounted. The negative tapes could be, “I’ll never be accepted because I am different,” “I’ll never be able to accomplish anything because people don’t support me,” “What is wrong with me?” etc. Have you ever heard yourself say, “I can’t do this because…,” “This is too hard,” I’m not good enough,” “People can’t be trusted,” “I need to do this myself,” etc.

The strongholds of injustice and unfairness contribute to issues of betrayal and wanting to be in control. This is not uncommon with people who have been abused or grew up in dysfunctional families. I struggled with the control stronghold for several years, even though I would continually loose and put it off. I wanted to control what people did and what they thought of me, as well as control circumstances in order to prevent being hurt, disappointed, or even annoyed. I asked God why I kept dealing with this control issue, and He showed me that there was an outer mental stronghold of betrayal that protected my need to be controlling. The betrayal stronghold was built and kept in place by negative memories of betrayal by those who should have protected and loved me. These painful memories of betrayal developed insecurities, which are basically unhealthy beliefs and lies that perpetuates anxiety about what others do, not do, or think and say. For instance, I trusted that my parents, my spouse, and friends would love me and not hurt me, or lie to me, but they did. As a result, I disassociated and disconnected because I felt that I was not able to trust them. Note, some people should not be trusted and that is okay. Dictionary.com defines betray as 2) to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling; be disloyal to.

I believe there is no greater injustice than the betrayal of one’s sexuality because it wounds the soul the deepest. I also believe that the betrayal of sexuality causes the most damage to our self-esteem and self-worth because God created sexuality to be a beautiful act of vulnerability between two married people who love each other. And because our sexuality is an intimate part of us, any childhood sexual interference such as pornography, exposure to sexual acts (even in a movie), fondling, uncomfortable affection, making a child take on the role of a spouse, adult humor, and so on,  damages the very core of a child or teen’s being. This causes a person to feel confusion, shame, and humiliation, which then causes sexual violation secrets to be carefully guarded and deeply buried in the soul. These buried secrets continue to have a profound effect on how a person see’s themselves and others. I have known people who had great difficulty having a healthy marriage because of these secrets. A lot of books have been written about this topic and are a good resource if you have these buried secrets. Talking with a counselor is also very helpful but I want to caution you to be careful what counselor you choose to share your sexual violation secrets with. Not every counselor or pastor understands the damage of sexual betrayal and they may cause more confusion and betrayal.

Total healing and transformation happen only when we come to Jesus with our damaged sexuality and allow Him to restore our purity and respect. This is a supernatural act of healing that is received by faith. In fact, all painful memories of betrayal of all kinds can be healed, which in turn, heal insecurities and the need to be controlling.  This can be done by going through the prayer format to destroy strongholds found on my website: hopeforcompletehealing.com

The above statements are passages from my book called “Unseen Battles for Your Mind,” which is in the editing stage, and therefore, is not to be recopied without my permission.