How do you want to be loved? What keeps you from loving others as you want to be loved?
We should first look at the gold standard for how we should love other people, which is according to the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13 is the love chapter and it says in the following verses: “4) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. 5) It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6) it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” (English Standard Version) Wouldn’t it be great if all the people of the world would love like this? How about if our family members would love us like this? Can we each love like this?
People certainly do not love as described above, which creates hurt and offenses in our hearts and wounds in our souls. An offense is an act of creating resentment, hurt feelings, displeasure, etc. The most painful memories we store as offenses are memories of not being loved, valued, and accepted. Children are very vulnerable and are easily hurt when these three desires are unmet. As a result children develop insecurities, which are lies about life and themselves, that are carried into adulthood. Because of these painful memories from childhood, we are tempted to get involved in relationships that would continue the pain of not getting these same needs met. I was one of those people, and my marriage ended in divorce.
People with empty love buckets try to get their need for love, value, and acceptance through other insecure people who are equally trying to get these same unmet childhood needs to be met. Unfortunately, these people have so much hurt and offense in their hearts that they cannot give the love, value, and acceptance they also desperately want. This leaves each person feeling rejected, resentful, angry, sad, depressed, hurt, frustrated, betrayed, disconnected, etc., which block our ability to love from a pure heart. The fact is, only God can meet our need for love, value, and acceptance perfectly.
Since the Bible is the authority on what love is, it is also the authority on God’s love: 1 John 4:8 & 16a says that God is love; and we are made in His image and likeness (see Gen. 1:26); therefore, we are created to love and be loved but because of evil and sin in the world, we become void of genuine love and the ability to love from a pure heart. In fact, the bible says that God abounds in steadfast love and faithfulness—Psalms 86:15 says, “But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious (compassionate), slow to anger and abounding in steadfast (unfailing, abundant) love and faithfulness (truth).” God also said this same thing about himself in Ex. 34:6. The words “steadfast love” is recorded 398 times in the English Standard Version of the Bible, which is closely translated from the original texts. Additionally, God loves us sacrificially (see 1 John 4:10, 16-21; Rom. 5:8; John 15:13; 1 John 3:16-18; John 3:16). In return, we are to love God with all our hearts, minds, and souls (see Deut. 6:5; 10:12; 11:13; 13:3; 30:6; Joshua 22:5; Matt. 22.37; Mark 12:30), which we cannot do when our hearts are full of offenses and hate. Not only are we to love God, but we are to love others (see 1 John 4:7-11,12; Lev. 19:18; Matt. 22:39; Mark 12:32; John 13:34; Rom. 13:9). In fact, loving others is the fulfillment of the law (see James 2:8; Rom. 13:8,10; Gal. 5:14).
How can we love from a pure heart: 1 Peter 1:22 & 23 says, “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth (found in the Bible) for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 23) since you have been born again (1 Pet. 1:3), not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding Word of God.” (also see Heb. 4:12, which says, “the Word of God is living and active…“) 1Timothy 1:5 says, “The aim of our charge (goal of our instruction; NAS) is love that comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere (genuine) faith.” 2 Timothy 2:22 also says, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” To learn how to love from a pure heart, please visit my website, hopeforcompletehealing.com where you will find research and examples of how to purify your heart and mind from the many offenses you have stored up over your lifetime. These methods have been tried and are incredibly successful.