Escapism; protected by Strongholds of Loneliness and Discontentment

When we don’t feel loved, we feel lonely.  Every living person has felt lonely at one time in their lives. Some of us feel lonely all the time. It is my experience and observation that loneliness comes from a love deficit, both in receiving love and giving love, but more than that, it is a lack of felt love.  The loss of felt love often happens when there is a death or divorce.  It also happens when a person is in or from a dysfunctional or abusive home that lacked felt love.  Moreover, we were created by God to be loved and to love, and when love is missing, we feel empty and alone, like an empty building, and we want to escape.

Loneliness is often accompanied by depression, which is a feeling of sadness and dejection.  Many married couples feel lonely because they do not know how to love well.  More often than not, one or both partners have not experienced a healthy love, which carries over into their marriage, and is passed down to their children. We marry looking to feel loved but when one or both have no love to give, therein lies the beginning of a dysfunctional relationship and a dysfunctional family.  The unmet desire to be unconditionally loved makes us want to isolate ourselves and to suppress our desire. We often isolate ourselves by escaping into drugs, alcohol, work, shopping, entertainment, sports, etc.

If you have not experienced healthy love, you may have a stronghold of loneliness that keeps you in bondage to unhappiness and depression. The stronghold of loneliness also protects the stronghold of discontentment.   If you are unfamiliar with double strongholds, please read the following post first: STRONGHOLDS PART I—What are they and how do they affect us?

Discontentment, according to Webster, is to lack contentment; to be dissatisfied; to have a restless desire for something more or different. To be content is to be satisfied with what one has and is not disturbed by a desire for something more or different.  Discontentment also happens when we have unrealistic expectations. The stronghold of discontentment protects the authority seat of escapism; that is, the desire to escape from our loneliness and discontentment through many different means. Some of the means of escape are: drinking alcohol, using drugs, watching TV, spending hours on social media, working long hours, playing video games, uncontrollable daydreaming, buying things, etc.

The following are the unhealthy beliefs this stronghold combination protects. The loneliness stronghold protects the following unhealthy beliefs: First, “I am alone because I am unlovable.” Second, “I need to isolate myself because I don’t trust that I won’t get hurt or I will be let down.” Third, “I am alone because I am different and unaccepted.” Some of the unhealthy beliefs, protected by the discontentment stronghold are: First, “ I need more because what I have is not enough.” Second, “I need to have something different (i.e., life, car, house, furniture, spouse, job, etc., [different for each of us]).” Discontentment has many facets, but the remedy is thankfulness and trusting God to provide the things we need (and sometimes want).

Next, evaluate what is on the escapism seat of authority (the throne) that controls your choices. I found that I needed to be busy all the time to not feel my loneliness or discontentment. I also found that I would daydream to escape the discontentment and boredom of life. Most times my thoughts were unproductive, futile, unprofitable, and empty musing. The escape mechanisms you choose may be different than mine.  Also, our escape mechanism often becomes an addiction that controls our thoughts. Please visit my website to learn how I overcame this stronghold combination and addictions with the help of God, and how you can as well. https://hopeforcompletehealing.com/

STRONGHOLDS PART I—What are they and how do they affect us?

I knew I had a stronghold issue by the negative behavior patterns that would control my reactions to situations.  Mental strongholds are unknown to our conscious mind until we seek God to reveal them.  In addition, mental strongholds often come in pairs to ensure we remain in bondage to our unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking.  Also, I learned that mental strongholds protect seats of authority, much like castle walls protect a ruler’s throne.  The authority seat holds beliefs that rule our lives by controlling what we think, and thoughts dictate what we say, and do.  Now imagine having many double-walled castles in your heart, and each one protects a seat of authority that rules your thoughts.   Go to my website to learn more about each of the following stronghold combinations and how to destroy them.

–Authority seat of anxiety is protected by the strongholds of worry and fear.
–Authority seat of insecurity is protected by the strongholds of control and betrayal.
–Authority seat of disappointment is protected by the strongholds of apathy and rejection.
–Authority seat of insignificance is protected by the strongholds of rejection and misplaced approval.
–Authority seat of humiliation is protected by the strongholds of shame and sadness.
–Authority seat of impatience is protected by the strongholds of injustice and unfairness.
–Authority seat of anger is protected by the strongholds of pride and judgment.
–Authority seat of doubt is protected by the strongholds of rebellion and independence.
–Authority seat of deception (lying) is protected by the strongholds of protection and manipulation.
–Authority seat of oppression is protected by the strongholds of irresponsibility and infirmity.
–Authority seat of escapism is protected by the strongholds of loneliness and discontentment.
–Authority seat of desire is protected by the strongholds of pleasure and addictions.

Tearing down strongholds, especially addiction strongholds, requires that we can hear from God.  To hear from God, we need to be in a right relationship with God. Please visit my website to learn more about how you can be right with God and to be free from the bondage of the above stronghold combinations.

UNHEALTHY BELIEFS: What are they and where do they come from?

 A false or unhealthy belief is a lie about the true nature of reality about ourselves, life, and God. For example, if you believe you are not worthy of love, you believe a lie. These lies come from words spoken over us and from memories of offenses done against us. For example, I grew up in a very dysfunctional angry “Christian” home, and I developed a lot of unhealthy beliefs about myself, other people, life, and God. I share my story in more detail in the following post: My Story.

The following nine categories of unhealthy, destructive beliefs distort the way we view everything in life.

1. I am unlovable. I am insignificant. I am flawed.

2. I am hopeless. I am worthless. Life is hopeless.

3. Something bad will happen. The future will be like the past. I’m not OK.

4. Something must change right now for me to be OK.

5. People will take advantage of me. People are too sensitive.

6. I am bad. I am not good enough. I am unforgivable.

7. People are out to get me. I must be in control. It’s not fair.

8. People must think well of me for me to be OK.

9. I can’t do it. I am not capable. Others should do it for me. It’s not fair.

The Healing Codes Manual by Loyd and Johnson, p. 55

We internalize these unhealthy, false beliefs at a subconscious level.  And, they cause us to live in self-destructive ways. There are many self-destructive behaviors, such as, cutting, alcohol and drug abuse, uncontrollable anger, self-debasing comments, anxiety, etc.  The above mentioned beliefs may result in addictions to cover over the painful feelings.  Learn more about addiction, read my post called Addiction Strongholds. Unhealthy beliefs also create stress in our bodies that lead to illness and disease.

Do the following to uncover your unhealthy beliefs.  First, pay attention to your thoughts and reactions and write down strong emotional reactions. Second, ask God to show you the unhealthy belief(s) that is generating your wrong thinking.  Third, trace backward from negative fruit in your life, and prayerfully ask God to show you the answer to the following question, “what is the root of this fruit?”

Wrong thinking creates negative feelings, which directs unloving, destructive behavior so ask God to show you the link.  Also, look for a link to a trauma memory, offense, and word curses because they also create unhealthy belief(s).  Some examples of word curses are: “I will probably fail. I will most likely end up in divorce. Nobody likes me. All politicians are evil. A godly person can’t succeed in business.” Have you thought these?  He will show you so you can then remove it through prayer and repentance, which I explain how on my website, 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Reading self-help books will also reveal unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking.  I especially like the book called “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey.  I encourage you to read my adapted summary of the right beliefs and thoughts we should have according to Mr. Covey.  Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Read each of the Issues Worksheets to learn about other subconscious unhealthy beliefs we can have and the truth to replace these unhealthy beliefs.  LOVE Issues, JOY Issues, PEACE Issues, PATIENCE Issues, KINDNESS Issues, GOODNESS Issues, TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues, MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues, and SELF-CONTROL Issues.

Read, who God is and what you can be thankful for to replace the lies you believe about God and yourself.