How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

A child has no filter when they speak. A child will speak whatever is on their mind. As adults, we think it is cute. When an adult has no filter, it is not cute, just offensive. Self-control begins in your mind. Your mind determines what you think, perceive, feel, and believe, which influences your decisions and behaviors. Your mind stores memories of the past and present that controls your thoughts and feelings. So, to be self-controlled we must transform our minds.

My last two posts explain how and why childhood issues need to be transformed so we can be self-controlled. The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control   and Self-control and Maturity.

Do you know what is in your mind? What you think? How you feel?

To transform your mind, you first must become aware of what is in your mind. Since God is the all-knowing Spirit who created us, ask Him to show you, because He knows all your thoughts and ways. Psalm 139:1-4 state, “O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2) You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3) You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4) Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. Jeremiah 17:9,10 state, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10) ‘I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.’” Also read Revelations 2:23. If you do not want to be rewarded according to your evil thoughts, then you need to ask God to reveal them, so you can repent and put them out of your mind. Remember, we reap a lot more than we sow (see Galatians 6:7,8). Psalm 139:23,24 state, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!

How do we transform our minds?

The bible says a lot about how we are to think and be self-controlled in all areas of our life. In fact, Romans 12:2 tells us “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Transforming your mind happens as you look to Jesus for help as you read the Scriptures. Transform means to take another form and renew means to make new. The phrase, “that by testing you may discern” is also translated in the King James Version as “that you may prove.” The meaning of these two phrases is commonly applied to testing the quality of metals by fire. Spiritually, these two phrases indicate, as your mind is renewed you will be able to pass the test and understand the will of God, and what is written in the Bible. So, as your mind is renewed you will become more self-controlled and will be able to love well. My short-book on my website explains the scientific and spiritual research for why and how to transform our minds to achieve a self-controlled life.

How to control your tongue.

When we control how we think with the help of God, then we can control how we speak, and be mature. This can only be done by continually abiding with Jesus in the heavenly places through prayer, which can be accomplished by turning every thought into a prayer. See my post called, Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

The Bible says we are to bridle our tongue to control it, like we bridle a horse to control it. James 1:26 states, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” And, James 3:2,3 state, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle (control) his whole body. 3)  If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.” Some people have problems gossiping, complaining, being critical, and arguing. Why?  How can we live blameless lives before God (Philippians 1:9-11)?

(Update:  I know I am being vulnerable, but I hope it helps you in some way.  A few days after I posted this, I wrote a negative venting email to my friend while under the control of my feelings, and spoke negative about my someone.  I felt the conviction to not write what I did (should have heeded the Holy Spirit), but I did it anyway.  At 4:30 a.m. the next morning, God put His finger on my heart about it.  I repented and ask Him what I could do to not let my feelings control my responses.  God said (paraphrase), talk to Him first.  A few hours later, I had the opportunity to do just that.  I prayed about a difficult situation I was getting emotional about and WOW, it worked.  I was able to respond logically and under the Holy Spirit’s control.)

It is one thing to know the right thing to do and say, but another thing to do it.  For example, I wrote a helpful post called Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without   so I know what I should be thinking, now I need to discipline myself to do this daily.  You can never be perfect at something unless you practice all the time.  You have my permission to print out my post on “Thoughts that Create Peace Within and Without” to practice training your mind.  The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:9: What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

When events don’t go as planned is stressful, and we sometimes, or often, lose self-control of our feelings and do and say things we shouldn’t.  The next time you are tempted to lose control of your emotions, excuse yourself from the situation and answer the following questions to bridle your tongue before your mouth spills hurtful words.

What is the expectation not being met? (Take a deep breath and accept the disappointment and the fact that not everything will go the way you want it to.)

  1. What are the wrong thoughts I need to capture and loose from my mind?  (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you.  It may not be right away, but He will.)
  2. What is the false belief or offense driving my thoughts, which need to be loosed from my mind?  (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you, and the memory that needs to be healed.)
  3. What is the problem that needs to be solved?
  4. What are some solutions?
  5. What are Biblical truths I can bind to my mind to renew it and transform my attitude.
  6. What can I be thankful for?

There is hope for complete transformation of your reactions when you depend on God to show what is in your mind and seek His help to renew your mind through the Holy Scriptures. You can be self-controlled in what you say as your mind is transformed by God’s love.

Helpful posts to read:

POSTS on Thoughts

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

We are told to be self-controlled and disciplined. But why can’t we? What blocks us from being self-controlled and disciplined? As I pondered this question and reflected on my own self-control issues, God showed me it is because of my pride and resentment.

In the last post, I wrote of our need to give up childish thinking, which includes childhood resentments. So, how do we know if our thinking is childish? Children are emotionally reactive when they don’t get what they want. In fact, we are born with a prideful, self-centered, sin nature, that causes us to focus on our own wants and needs. To have a base understand for this post please read my last post Self-control and Maturity

What does healthy emotional self-control look like?

People who have emotional self-control do not over-react, but are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (see James 1:19). In the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey, he describes what it means to be a principle-centered person and not reactive. Instead of being reactive self-controlled people are proactive. Principle-centered people stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on them, and they evaluate the options.

Besides the Bible, this book was the next best book to helped me transform my wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs.  Covey’s book describes how a healthy person should think and act. I wrote thought transforming truth statements for each chapter of Covey’s book and put them on my website called, Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

What is resentment and how do we develop it?

The dictionary defines resent as feeling or showing displeasure and indignation at (some act, remark, insult, etc.) or toward a person, from a sense of being injured or offended. A person who has resentment will show anger and ill will for any real or perceived wrong or injury, which they believe is unfair. If you remain resentful, you will become bitter, which will keep you self-focused and prevent you from maturing. The dictionary defines bitter as causing or showing sorrow, discomfort, or pain, and bitterness is feeling or showing hate or resentment. When people are prevented from getting what they want, they will show anger and resentment in how they respond. Resentment will control your reactions when triggered, as I explain later in this post.

Watch how you react to disappointment.

When we become depressed and pouty, or angry and unkind, it is because we have become offended by a disappointment. Disappointment creates an offense when there is a real or perceived sense of unfairness, and you feel wounded. Dealing with disappointment in a healthy way will prevent becoming offended and resentful. So, if you currently become offended by disappointment when someone or something does not do what you want, it shows self-centered immaturity. To learn more, read #1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution.

I recommend the following actions to handle disappointment in a healthy way. First, capture (acknowledge) offended thoughts.  Offended thoughts are evident when you do not feel peace and joy. Once you acknowledge you are offended, then ask what disappointed me? Next, forgive the person who has disappointed you or accept the situation you are disappointed by.

For example, if you did not get a raise, or was demoted. You may feel disappointed or you may feel it was unfair and become offended and resentful. If you were honest, you will first feel depressed, angry, and resentful, which is very destructive. Remove yourself from the emotional response and seek to understand and learn why, then either develop a plan to do better, or accept it and move on to another job you can excel at.

A personal example. I was disappointed when my husband could not help me with a garden project that I wanted to get done that day. It so happened, my husband had lost his driver’s license, so he was focused on finding his license, then getting it replaced. Instead of understanding his situation, I became offended and let wrong thoughts control my emotions and spoke hurtful things in revenge for disappointing me. I know I am not the only one with this problem, and therefore, I am writing about self-control right now.

I began to capture my wrong thinking and loose them from my mind, next, I asked God’s forgiveness, and then replaced my wrong thoughts with truthful thoughts of thankfulness, see my post A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER. But I did not gain full self-controlled until I accepted my disappointment and loosed the false beliefs concerning my husband that controlled my destructive behavior. I have a great husband and I should be thankful. I repented and asked my husband for forgiveness. My husband put Proverbs 25:18 on the bathroom mirror, and I have been pondering that verse ever since. To understand how false beliefs control our emotions, read UNHEALTHY BELIEFS: What are they and where do they come from?

God showed me how my wrong thoughts were created by painful memories of resentment. When I was a teen, my mother made my sisters and me do all the chores, including laundry, cooking, and hand-washing dishes for five people. I developed resentment because I perceived my sisters did not do their part, and I felt this was unfair and became resentful. My mother had just divorced my father, and went off to college, so she was focused on getting her education and did not help either. I never saw my father again, which created a host of issues.  So, I did not have parental guidance to learn how to handle disappointments and the resulting resentment.

I went through the five steps to heal my heart and purify my soul to heal these resentments.  See; Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. God also showed me I had current resentment toward my husband for not meeting other expectations when I needed help. I took those resentful thoughts captive and loosed them and then asked God to forgive me and asked my husband to forgive me.

Put away resentments so you can mature.

The bible says in Ephesians 4:31,32  “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32)  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” To put something away is to no longer be emotionally invested in the negative or painful memory. Putting away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice involves asking God to reveal painful childhood memories that caused you to become resentful of a real or perceived wrong done to you. Many adults have subconscious bitterness that keep them stuck in self-focused childish thinking. To find these subconscious memories, begin reading my book here 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories to understanding the why and how for healing past issues to mature and love well.

After you put away any wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice from your heart, then bind in kindness and forgiveness to your heart.  See my post called; Relationship and World Changing Kindness and WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE.

There is hope for maturity and self-control as we put off resentfulness from disappointments we perceived as unfair. When we put off resentfulness and accept disappointment then we can be self-controlled.

Related Posts:

SELF-CONTROL Issues

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Patience — Freedom from Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

Free from Anger–County Jail Testimony and Teaching

I have been teaching the girls in the county jail how to recognize and overcome wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs. One lady received court papers concerning her children being adopted out. Her mother is now the foster parent for the children. The inmate was furious. Her angry thoughts generated a plan to hurt those whom she perceived as hurting her. This situation was a great opportunity to teach why we need to take our negative thoughts captive, and how to transform them so they don’t control our behavior.

I set aside my lesson that night and prayed for God to help me as I helped her apply what I had been teaching. As she shared why she was so angry, she revealed several unhealthy beliefs and the painful memory triggering her anger. She believed her mother wanted to keep her from raising her children. She had painful memories of growing up with a controlling mother who still was trying to control her. I began to ask questions to help her recognize her wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs. I explained how our wrong thoughts come from many sources, such as painful memories and demonic forces creating misunderstanding, wrong perception, misinterpretation, and wild imaginations not based in reality. To learn more about the reality of the Spirit world, read: Four Realities of the Spirit World

Wrong perception and misunderstanding generated negative feelings of anger. We discussed each wrong thought, and the related unhealthy belief. It is amazing how wrong thoughts affects our emotions that then negatively feed our wrong thinking. When you recognize a wrong thought and unhealthy belief, you need to capture them by first asking God to help in your weakness to control your thoughts, then pray to loose (release) and put them off from your mind and heart. Then I led her to think positive thoughts and find things to be thankful for. She admitted she loved her mother and did not believe her mother would deliberately hurt her. She also had a wrong belief that CYS had lied to her.

We explained that her mother and Child Youth Services were not the enemy, but that demonic forces were.  We read and discussed Ephesians 6:10-12, which state, Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11) Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12) For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Then we read 2 Corinthians 11:3, which states, But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.” My co-teacher explained how the devil wants to destroy our faith in God and to resist believing the lies and trust God to work everything out for her good and the good of her children. Many who read this post may not believe demonic forces of evil can influence us. According to the Bible, demonic forces are actively looking to devour us (see 1 Peter 5:8,9) but we must stand strong in our faith. If you have this wrong belief, please capture this thought/belief by acknowledging it and pray to loose/put off the wrong thought/belief, and then bind-in/put on the truth found in the Word of God. We need to daily submit our minds to God and resist the devil’s schemes and influence to derail our faith (see James 4:7).

Next, we read and discussed Romans 8:26-28, which state,Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27) And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28) And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (The Holy Spirit is in those who believe in Jesus Christ and received Him as their savior from eternal death and the wrath of God for sin.) I explained how the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness and will intercede for us according to the will of God. And know whatever happens, when we love God, He will use it for our good to accomplish His purpose. Then we talked about how we know we love God, and we read John 14:15; 1 John 5:3; and 1 John 3:21-24. Next, we went to our theme verses in Hebrews 4:14-16, which state, Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15) For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16) Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”  This verse is key to living a victorious life because we are weak to control sinful desires and we need the help of God.  God’s grace gives us the power to overcome our weaknesses to sin.

Then I shared my testimony of how my ex-husband promised that I would never see the children again if I left him. He tried to fulfill his promise, which created tremendous anxiety in my mind. But God came through because I trusted Him. My X even brought a psychologist to court to testify that I was not a good mother and my X should get full custody of the children. God caused the psychologist to testify on my behalf. To learn more about how God showed up for me and the many miracles I experienced read: Trust God to Keep His Promises. After sharing my testimony, the inmate could see how her thinking was wrong and how trusting God was better than being tormented by angry thoughts from the demonic forces at work to destroy her and her faith in God.

The next week she reported good news. When she talked to her mother, she realized she mis-interpreted the court papers and her mother’s intentions. She realized she was allowing her imagination to torment her, and God was for her and the devil was against her. Next, we discussed Ephesians 1:7-9, which state, In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ.” Then, we discussed a few things the Bible describes as the will of God outlined in 1 Thessalonians 5:14-18. When we do the will of God, we are training our minds to think right thoughts so the demonic forces cannot torment us with negative thinking, unhealthy beliefs, and out of control emotions.  I also explained the main purpose of God for our lives is to conform us to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.  Lord willing, that will be my next lesson.

There is hope because God is our help in our time of need.

Related Posts:

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds

POSTS on Thoughts

POSTS Related to Trusting God

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Why do I become offended?  Why don’t I consider the interests of others?  Why do I want to control what other people do or don’t do to satisfy my interests?  Why do I find it hard to do what the Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 2:3-7 (ESV)?

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  NIV – Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  KJV – Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  NASV – Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. NIV – not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  KJV – Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. NASV – do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

5) Have this mind (attitude) among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

Why is it hard to value others as more important or significant than ourselves? God put His finger on the core issue of my heart. PRIDE. When someone doesn’t do or say what we want, then we get hurt or angry. Why?  According to verse 3, we may not value others as more important than ourself.   When God does not answer my prayers the way I want, I get hurt and angry.  Pride says, “What I want is more important than you or what you want.” The fact is, pride fuels every negative thought and emotion we have. To learn more about pride read: HOW PRIDE DESTROYS.

You know you are free from pride when you consistently do what the Apostle Paul exhorted the Philippians to do in Chapter 2, verses 3-4. The Apostle Paul says we are to do nothing from selfish ambition, selfishness, strife, or conceit. HELP. James tells us in Chapter 3, verses 13-18 that selfish ambition is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. YIKES. I need to repent.

James 3:13-18 state, Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness (humility, gentleness) of wisdom.

14) But if you have bitter jealousy (envy) and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.

15) This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual (sensual), demonic.

16) For where jealousy (envy) and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile (evil) practice.

17) But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

18) And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Are you a person who is pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, and sincere? Pridefulness prevents us from being wise.  We need to put off our pride if we are to have the same attitude as Christ. We are born self-centered beings, which only gets worse. So, what is the remedy? Since pride generates negative heart issue and is a sin, go through the five steps to heal your heart and purify your soul.  I have added the process for purifying sin from our soul since it was first posted. Remember, sin is doing evil by not loving and valuing others and God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.


I know I am being vulnerable when I share my prayer, but I want to be the example of how to purify your soul.  As I was asking God to show me the things I needed to put off, I wrote them down.  This was not an easy prayer to pray and I was visibly shaking because pride had such a grip on my soul.  It is through our pride that evil spirits can control our thoughts and emotions, so it needs to go.  I use the name of Jesus because we are commanded to in John 14:13, 16:24 and other Scripture passages. Read, Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

Lord Jesus, I confess the contributing issue to not loving others well, and not considering the interests of others, or seeing them as more significant than me is the sin of pride. I loose and put off the sin of pride out of my soul and the negative spirit attachments in Jesus’ name. Lord, forgive me for being prideful and not seeing others as more significant than myself.

Forgive me for wanting others to serve me instead of me serving others in love. I bind in your attitude of humility and servitude into my heart and mind in Jesus’ name. Lord, help me to focus on doing what pleases You and not on the negative issues of (I prayed through the various issues God brought to my mind.)

Lord, I loose and put off the unhealthy belief that my interests are more important, and people should do what I want. I bind in the spirit of humility to every cell of my body, so I can have the wisdom from above that is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere, in Jesus’ name. I loose and put off all selfish ambition from my mind and heart, in Jesus’ name. Forgive me for insisting that things are done my way and becoming ugly and say unkind things. Loose and put off the negative energy I put into my family associated with my prideful attitude and the unkind things I said, in Jesus name.

Remove the guilt from the sin of pride from my heart and mind. Lord, loose and destroy the generational sin of pride from my genetics and the genetics of my children, in Jesus’s name. I thank You, Lord, for helping me in my weakness when I focus on my needs to focus instead on You through praise, prayer and pondering the Scriptures. Thank you for cleansing me from all unrighteousness and making me a more loving person.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Related Posts:

Love From a Pure Heart

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Wise Thoughts vs. Foolish Thoughts

Bondage to Unseen Controls

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

 

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

Before you can heal the negative issues in your heart, you first must acknowledge you have them. Second, you must want to be healed. And third, you must seek God to help show you the painful memories and unhealthy beliefs that need to be healed.  If you haven’t read the previous post, please do so to understand the reason for healing your heart and purifying your soul: WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

The negative issue I want to heal is being anxious, upset, and judgmental concerning vacations to the Outer Banks. Every time I think about the Outer Banks, I am consumed with negative beliefs and thoughts. I want to be free from the consuming negative reaction every time it is mentioned.

To realize what issues in your life need healing, journal the events of your life from conception to the present.  Title each section with age titles, such as 1-2, 2-3, or a general time frame such as before elementary school.  You may need to ask relatives for the details. Even a death in the family or other tragedies, such as a job loss, affects our beliefs at a young age because we react to the strong feelings of those around us. For example, when I was about 6 or 7 years old, one of my cousins was in a car accident and his whole body was in a cast. The memory of that image left an impression on my young mind that developed into a fear that needed healing. Also, if you grew up with someone who was angry and unpredictable, you will become insecure and anxious.  Read my transformational testimony for an example: WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story

Read my short book describing the research and prayer methods I used for my healing from an abusive childhood. In my book are examples and worksheets that will help you find the painful memories that need healing. Only God can heal because He only knows what is in our minds and heart. So, make sure you are rightly related to Him by believing He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for your sins. Ask Him to forgive your sins and come into your heart to help you overcome the sin in your life that has damaged your soul. And to heal the hurt in your heart from people’s sins against you. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

List the current issues, problem, or concerns in your life. This is not a quick process, but one that is well worth your effort. Also, look for issues that control your life, such as addictions, anger, worry, and depression.  You can take my quiz to discover childhood issues that may need healing: DISCOVER UNRESOLVED NEGATIVE HEART ISSUES QUIZ

To understand how to pray with authority, read Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

  1. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the contributors for each issue (problem, concern) such as the painful memory or memories of painful experiences or sin.  Painful experiences could be from a trauma, a word curse, unmet needs, betrayal, poor choices, or rejection. You may get an answer right away or you may have to wait a few days.  Be conscious of the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking within your soul.  All painful memories have a negative stress energy that also needs to be removed  from our mind and body.  Sin has negative spirit attachments that needs to be removed by putting them off in Jesus’ name (see John 14:13 and 16:24.  Sin is anything you do that is not loving and valuing others and God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.  It is helpful to review the following worksheets on my website and read Chapter Five of my book for guidance:

LOVE Issues,  JOY IssuesPEACE IssuesPATIENCE Issues

KINDNESS Issues, GOODNESS Issues, TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues,

MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues, SELF-CONTROL Issues

  1. Forgive those who sinned against you (see Matthew 6:14:15, Colossians 3:13, and Ephesians 4:32). Do not dwell on the painful memories but be quick to forgive, though you may need to grieve a loss, which is healing.  Remember, forgiveness releases you from the emotional control of the painful memories contributing to the issue needing healed.  PRAY: “Dear Lord, I forgive (name of the person or persons) for causing the pain of __________.”   To learn more read WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE
  2. Replace unhealthy beliefs with truth. Write down the lies or unhealthy beliefs the Holy Spirit reveals that are associated with the heart issue needing transformed by the truth. Next, write the truths to replace the unhealthy beliefs. Look at each of the Spirit Characteristics Worksheets listed in step one to find the truth to replace the lies you are believing.
  3. Repent of sins. List the sins you committed because of your wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs and decisions related to the issue needing healed. Confess them to God and ask His forgiveness and to then take all your guilt and resentment away (see 1 John 1:9).
  4. Write a thanks to God for something He did to protect, provide for, or comfort you.

The following is my journal entry and prayers concerning negative issues related to vacations at the Outer Banks.

The contributors to my negative Outer Banks issue are painful memories of hurricanes and being terrified by rip tides.  I became very upset when rip tides were tearing the beach up and my husband and his sister decided to walk the beach at night with the small children.  I did not go because I knew the danger but could not convince them of the danger.  My anxiety was so high, and I became very angry at how stupid they were to put themselves and the children in danger.

I PRAY: Dear Lord, I forgive my husband and sister-in-law for risking their lives and my children’s lives when they walked the beach at night while rip tides were tearing up the beach.  Loose the negative stress energy painful memory from my mind and from every cell in my body.  Forgive me for being anxious, angry, and not trusting You. I loose the wrong belief that my husband and sister-in-law are stupid and careless. I bind into my mind the truth that You were protecting my family despite the danger. I loose the unhealthy belief that my anger can control my husband’s behavior to do what I think is right. I bind in the truth that I can practice self-control over my emotions and trust God with the decisions of others. Loose this negative stress energy of the unhealthy beliefs from my mind and every cell of my body. In Jesus’ name. (There were many other unhealthy beliefs I had to loose and bind in the corresponding truth to replace the unhealthy belief.)

During another vacation the waves were so huge that when I attempted to go in the ocean, I lost my dignity and the children will never be the same.  This and many other painful experiences caused me extreme anxiety, so I stopped going on those family vacations.  My husband went without me, which caused me to worry if he would die.  I PRAY:  Lord, forgive me for not trusting you to keep my husband safe.  Loose and remove the negative energy from this unhealthy belief. In Jesus’ name.

One year my father-in-law became very ill and the family did not take him to urgent care.  I PRAY:  Lord, I forgive my husband and his family for not getting my Father-in-law to see a doctor when he became very ill.  I loose the wrong belief that they did not care about him and did not want to take the time from their vacation to take him to the doctor. Loose this negative stress energy from my mind and every cell of my body. In Jesus’ name.

My painful memories are many, and they caused me to hate everything about the Outer Banks. I PRAY: Heavenly Father, loose and remove each bad memory related to the Outer Banks and the negative stress energy from every cell of my body they created in my heart and mind. And, loose the negative feeling of hate from my heart. In Jesus’ name.  And, Lord, loose and remove the unhealthy belief that the Outer Banks is a terrible and stressful vacation.  Loose and remove the wrong belief I must be in control and things must go my way. In Jesus’ name.  I bind into my mind the truth that there were good times and good memories of the fun things we did.  I bind in the truth that I can get along with my husband’s family through Your love and help. I bind in the truth that Your Word says I should give preference to the desires of others.  I bind in the truth that I do not have to be in control and things do not have to go my way for me to be happy.  I bind in the truth that I can serve others in love. In Jesus’ name.

I PRAY:  Lord, I confess and ask Your forgiveness when I became angry and anxious and sinned by not trusting You and praying about the things that concerned me. Forgive me for throwing anger fits when things did not go my way or when I became frustrated.  Forgive me for complaining instead of being thankful.  Forgive me for being judgmental and critical of the actions of my family.  Loose the guilt and negative stress energy my anger and anxiety created from my mind and every cell of my body. In Jesus’ name.

I PRAY: Thank you Lord for keeping my family safe during the hurricanes we vacationed in and protecting my family from drowning in rip tides. Thank you for the good times we had and help me focus on the positive things I experienced while on vacation at the Outer Banks. In Jesus’ name.

Now when I think about vacations at the Outer Banks, I do not have any negative feelings.


Examine your family history, if you see the same pattern of negative issues, then assume the issue is generational. Ask God to then loose and remove genetics and DNA markers for that issue from every cell in your body. Ask God if the issue is a curse that has passed down to you, if so, ask Him to break the curse from your life and the lives of your children, in Jesus’ name.

Next, ask God to show you if you have a stronghold protecting your painful memories and unhealthy beliefs. You may use the stronghold combinations I have identified in Chapter Three of my short book—though your memories, offenses, and unhealthy beliefs may differ from the ones I have identified.  3–Breaking Free From Mental Strongholds

I am praying for you as you take this journey of healing.

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Do you know you have two hearts? Do you know both hearts react to our experiences? Everyone knows we have a physical heart that pumps our blood. But we also have an emotional heart that process our feelings into memories and determines what we believe.   What we think directs how we feel in our emotional heart. To understand more about the power of thoughts, read the following posts: What Controls Your Thoughts?,  ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL, and Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

A.  The Emotional Heart and the Soul

Did you know your emotional heart is part of your soul?   The following verses describe how the soul contains our feelings. Job said his soul grieved for the needy (Job 30:25). King David said in Psalm 6:3, My soul also is greatly troubled.” And, Psalm 35:12 states, They repay me evil for good; my soul is bereft [left sad and lonely].” And, Psalm 43:5a states, “Why are you cast down (in despair), O my soul, and why are you in turmoil? Hope in God…” And, Psalm 88:3a states, “For my soul is full of troubles…” Last, Lamentations 3:17 states, My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is.”

The Apostle Peter explains in 1 Peter 1:22 how to purify our soul so our heart is pure, “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.” Only as we obey the truth found in the Bible to put off our old self and put on a new self, can we love others well (see Ephesians 4:17-32 and Colossians 3:5-17). Read my short book to learn how to do this: DISCOVER A NEW REALITY

The Webster dictionary says the soul is our mind, emotions, and will.  Some people credit the soul as containing our sense of morality and conscience with the functions of thinking and willing. No one truly understands the soul’s specific function, though we know it sets humans apart from the animal kingdom.

Animals do not have a conscience or sense of morality; knowing the distinction between right and wrong conduct or action, and they do not feel guilt.  Sin creates guilt, which makes us feel dirty inside. Hence, the need to purify our soul.  Sin is doing what is harmful and selfish and disobeying what the Bible says is the right thing to do.  People with wounded hearts often do not feel guilt for the wrong they do. Therefore, healing the wounds in our heart through the love of Jesus and His sacrifice will allow our conscience to direct us into right thinking. When I became free from my guilt, I could love myself and then love others better.

Another distinction from animals is our soul longs to be in right fellowship with God. Moses said in Deuteronomy 4:29 to, …Seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search after Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” The wounds and guilt in our heart and soul hinder us from seeking God and being in right fellowship with Him, which is another reason we need to heal our heart and purify our soul.

?? How does the hurt in our hearts keep us from seeking God?

The hurt in our heart creates pride and is often protected by pride. Our pride maintains our right to be hurt and angry. Pride keeps us from taking our hurt to God and forgiving those that hurt us.  To learn more about pride read: HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

B.  Where do Heart and Soul Wounds Come From?

Painful experiences and guilt from sin, wound our soul by creating negative thoughts that then develop into offenses. Offenses are resentments, hurt feelings, and displeasure from the pain of unfairness, mistreatment, disrespect, betrayal, unacceptance, and being ignored. Offenses create painful memories, which then create stress in our body and conflicts in our mind through wrong beliefs. We know we are offended when we feel angry or hurt. Painful memories and guilt handicap our spirit, and keep us from loving God and others well, and we appear hypocritical to non-believers. Read my post on memories: HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

When something triggers a painful memory, it then controls our thoughts and feelings, and then our behavior follows.   Hurt feelings create wrong beliefs. The only way to know your wrong beliefs is to ask God to show you and then listen to what you say or think. For example, I heard myself say to my husband he doesn’t care. Then when I was praying, I thought God did not care what I wanted. This is a lie and wrong belief from painful memories when my parents abused and disregarded me. I still carried this wrong belief in my heart, and it was still directing my thoughts. Abuse is the mistreatment of others that causes physical, emotional, and mental harm. Abuse also includes using insulting, coarse, or bad language about or to someone. Read my post on wrong beliefs for more details:  Identify and Replace False Beliefs

With God’s guidance, He has shown me how to heal my heart and purify my soul, which I share in my book called “Hope for Complete Healing.” Healing and purifying our soul are the removal of offenses, unhealthy beliefs, and guilt. As our souls heal and become pure, we will experience freedom, peace, love, and joy. And, we will love others better. Read the following post:  Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

C.  Emotional Health is Directly Related to Physical Health

One major benefit of healing the negative issues of my heart and soul is physical healing. The Bible explains this process in 3 John 2, which states, Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.” And in, Proverbs 14:30 it states, A tranquil (peaceful) heart gives life to the flesh (body), but envy makes the bones rot.” Envy is a feeling of discontent and ill will because of another’s advantages, possessions, etc.; and a resentful dislike of another who has something desirable. The synonyms of envy are: jealousy, greed, bitterness, resentful, and spite, all of which is sin.  Sin corrupts our soul, so we need to purify the sin out of our soul to heal our heart.

When we envy our minds are on the things of the earth and on what other people have and we don’t have, which will cause us to be discontent and miserable. Misery leads to negative feelings of resentment and bitterness, which generate painful memories.  Painful memories generate negative energy, which creates stress that then causes the cells of our body to degenerate.  So, our physical heart will suffer harm from the negative feelings in our emotional heart.  There is a lot of research on this topic, I explain this in more detail in the following chapter of my book: 4–Physical Healing

The following verse also equates healing with turning away from evil. Doing evil is synonymous with sinning. Proverbs 3:7-8 states, Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8) It will be healing to your flesh (body) and refreshment to your bones.” Evil is being and doing morally bad or wrong things to harm or cause trouble for people. Fearing the LORD is deep respect and awe for the power, majesty, and holiness of God and His judgment and wrath for those who do evil. This respect causes us to turn from evil and do what is right in God’s eyes, not our own.  Proverbs 8:13 states, The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil.  Pride and arrogance and the way of evil (evil behavior) and perverted speech I hate.”  You may like to read the following posts. EVIL—What is it and what is the remedy? and HOW PRIDE DESTROYS and  #1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

When you feel peace, you feel positive don’t you?  Peace generates a positive energy that removes negative stress from our bodies.  When we pray and put our trust in God, we feel peace.  And, as we look to Jesus and keep our minds focused on the things above, the life of Christ will flow through us and give life to our physical bodies. And according to Isaiah 26:3 we will have perfect peace when our minds are stayed on Him, because we trust Him to provide what we need and what is best for us. This is accomplished by turning every thought into a prayer to God. I have several posts on trust and peace you might like to read: Thoughts That Create Peace Within and WithoutTRUST Leads to PEACE,  Trust God to Keep His Promises,  15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep, and Psalm 91 Posts

D.  Conclusion

Healing our heart and purifying our soul has the following benefits.

  1. Allows us to make right and moral good choices.
  2. Allows us to seek God with a pure heart and be in right fellowship with Him.
  3. Reduces the negative stress on our bodies to allow physical healing.
  4. We will love others well.

Psalm 91:11-13 — Guardian Angels and Power Over Evil Spirits

Have you ever wondered if you had guardian angels? Have you ever wondered if you can overcome the evil spirit influences in your life? You will discover the answer to both questions.  To get a base understanding of the unseen Spirit World, read the following post: Four Realities of the Spirit World

The devil used the following scripture to tempt Jesus to sin when he took him to the top of the temple (see Matthew 4:6). So always keep in mind that the devil will use scripture in the unseen battles to tempt us to sin against God as he did with Jesus.

Psalm 91:11-12 states, “For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways. 12) On their hands, they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.”

How many accidents or disasters could have happened to us, but we will never know because angels guarded us.  Angels are not to be worshiped as they are created beings by God, whom He sends to minister to those being saved. Only God is to be worshiped. The following Scripture passages report how angels protect and guard us:

Genesis 19:1 & 15 states, ”The two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed himself with his face to the earth. 15) As morning dawned, the angels urged Lot, saying, “Up! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, lest you be swept away in the punishment of the city.”

Exodus 23:20 states, ”‘Behold, I send an angel before you to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared.’”

2 Chronicles 32:20-21 states, ”Then Hezekiah the king and Isaiah the prophet, the son of Amoz, prayed because of this and cried to heaven. 21) And the LORD sent an angel, who cut off (destroyed) all the mighty warriors and commanders and officers in the camp of the king of Assyria.”

Psalms 34:7 states, ”The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him and delivers them.”

Daniel 6:22 states, ”My God sent his angel and shut the lions’ mouths, and they have not harmed me, because I was found blameless before Him; and, before you, O king, I have done no harm.”

Matthew 18:10 states, “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven, their angels always see the face of my Father, who is in heaven.”

Hebrews 1:13,14 states, “And to which of the angels has He ever said, ‘Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet?’ Are they not all ministering spirits sent out to serve for the sake of those who are to inherit salvation?”

Also read Acts 12:7-11 how an angel helped Peter escape from a jail cell in a dungeon.

We are assured that when we take refuge in God and trust Him with our lives, He will command His angels to protect and deliver us. Joyce Myers believes that as David ran toward Goliath and the word was going forth out of his mouth, that the angels were activated to help him. Psalms 103:20 states, “Bless the Lord, O you His angels, you mighty ones who do His commandments, obey the voice of His word.”

Equally as exciting as angels helping us is the power we have over the unseen demonic world.

Psalm 91:13 states, You will tread on the lion and the adder (cobra), the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.”

The lion and serpent are both descriptions of the devil, as depicted in the following verses: 1 Peter 5:8 states, Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9) But resist him firm in your faith,…” Webster’s dictionary defines resist as the means to withstand; oppose; fend off; stand firm against; withstand the action of. 2. To oppose actively. 3. To keep from yielding to, being affected by, or enjoying temptations. Revelations 12:9 states, And the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. In Luke 10:19-20, Jesus states, Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions [refer to demons], and over all the power of the enemy [the devil], and nothing shall hurt you. 20) Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.

In Genesis 3, the serpent deceives Eve, and is still causing people to doubt God through lies. Remember, lies are false, unhealthy beliefs meant to ruin our love relationship with God and people. Therefore, watch what thoughts you allow your mind to dwell on. The Bible says in Romans 12:2 that we are to renew our thinking with the Word of God. For instance, if we become angry, fearful, depressed, etc., we are unknowingly believing a lie from the devil that God does not care. God cares because 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Stop dwelling on lies and renew your mind with the truth found in God’s Word, and you will have peace of mind (see Philippians 4:7). You can bring every thought into subjection to the truth.  Read the following posts: ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL and What Controls Your Thoughts? and Identify and Replace False Beliefs

We have authority and power over the demonic world when we put them under our feet. If they are under our feet, then they are not affecting our mind. The demons are in subjection to us and under our feet when we exercise our authority and control over them through Christ Jesus and His name. Authority is the power or right to give commands and enforce obedience. The following verses explain our authority in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 28:18 states, And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.’” Luke 9:1 tells us that Jesus Called the twelve [disciples] together and gave them power and authority over all the demons and to heal diseases. Colossians 2:9-10 also states “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity (Godhead) lives in bodily form, 10) and you have been given fullness in Christ (NIV), and in Him, you have been made complete (NAS).” The Apostle Paul says in Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” We learn from these verses that because of Christ’s life in those who believe and are followers, they also have all authority and power over the unseen demonic world.

The following verses illustrate the fact that Satan is under our feet. Romans 16:20 states, The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. 1 Corinthians 15:27 states,For ‘God has put all things in subjection under His feet.’…” Hebrews 2:7-8 states, You [God] have made Him [Jesus] for a little while lower than the angels; You have crowned Him with glory and honor, 8) putting everything in subjection under His feet. Now in putting everything in subjection to Him, He left nothing outside His control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to Him. (Also read 1 Peter 3:22.) Finally, Ephesians 1:22 states, And He [God] put all things (in subjection) under His [Jesus] feet and gave Him as head over all things to the church.”

Being in subjection is being under someone’s authority or control. Though we have authority over the devil and demons, we need to humbly submit to God and allow the Holy Spirit to directed us to the truth of God’s Word. Our authority has nothing to do with feelings or head knowledge, but only because of our position in Christ Jesus. Be watchful for pride because it blocks Christ’s authority in our lives. Remember, God threw Lucifer out of heaven because of pride and he became the devil who resolves to oppress and destroy us because we bear the image of God (see Genesis 1:26). The good news is found in we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us (Romans 8:36b).”

It is helpful to read the previous verses Psalm 91:5-6 – DO NOT FEAR THE UNSEEN