Chat – Page 3 – Hope for Complete Healing

SIX STEPS TO GO FROM VICTIMIZED TO VICTORIOUS

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God allow children to be hurt by wicked people? Have you ever asked those questions or wondered in your heart? I just finished reading the story about Job, who was unfairly targeted. David, Daniel, and Jesus Christ are also examples of how the devil influenced individuals to harm them. They all had to go through the bad situation, yet in the end, God blessed them for being faithful to Him.

What about the Christians killed by terrorists or a gunman? Why didn’t God protect or rescue them? These are the questions we need to grapple with, because many people do not come to faith in Jesus Christ or leave the faith due to a tragic issue that can’t be explained. Everyone has been a victim in one form or another. Satan wants everyone to doubt that God is good and that He can’t be trusted. Satan tries to warp your perception of God and make you angry at Him, just like he did with Job. Job 2:3 explains, “And the LORD said to Satan, ‘Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason.’”

Satan is our accuser, too. Read Ephesians 6:10-18. The Apostle Paul explains in Ephesians 6:11-12, “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹²For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

Not everything can be blamed on Satan; often, our sinful desires lead us into disastrous situations that cause us pain and suffering. But know that Satan also entices us based on our sinful desires. Ephesians 2:1-3 states, “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.”

How Job Was Victorious Over the Evil Events.

Satan first got permission from God to afflict Job to make him falter in his faith (Job 1:10-12). God granted Satan his request to test Job’s faith. After Satan caused fire to destroy his crops, a windstorm to kill his children, and raiders to steal his wealth, Job still blessed the name of the Lord. Job 1:22 states, “In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.” Job kept a positive view after losing all his children and wealth, then Satan asked God’s permission to cause physical suffering. This was when Job got depressed and laments the day he was born and hopes for the day he dies (Job 3). His wife encouraged him to curse God, and he said to his wife, “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity? In all this, Job did not sin with his lips (Job 2:10). Job got depressed and laments the day he was born and hopes for the day he dies (Job 3). His three friends said he had sinned, which was why God allowed all these calamities; yet Job could not recall any time he had sinned. He questions God. Job 13:23 states, “How many are my iniquities and my sins? Make me know my transgression and my sin.”

Job found comfort in God’s word. Job 23:10-12 states, “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. 11) My foot has held fast to his steps; I have kept his way and have not turned aside. 12) I have not departed from the commandment of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food.” Job valued God’s words more than food. Do you desire to know God’s words and to know His promises more than you desire food? Will God find you to be pure like gold after your faith is tested? Will you commit to holding fast to God and keeping His ways during your trials?

In Job 42:4-10, Job repents of his sin for questioning God and challenging Him to answer him. Then God rebuked Job’s three friends, who had unjustly accused him of sinning and of not speaking the truth about God. Job then prayed for his three friends and forgave them so God would not deal with them according to their folly. After Job prayed for them, God restored Job’s losses and gave him twice as much as he had before.

Six steps to go from Victim to Victory

Give up your pride to be humble (James 4:6 & 10; Ps. 147:6; Prov. 11:2; and 1Peter 5:5). Humility is thinking less about yourself (not selfish or self-seeking). A prideful person does not consider what is good to God, others, or themselves. Often, when we are victimized, we become prideful; either we choose not to love to avoid being hurt again, or we have low self-esteem and desire people’s approval and do things that perpetuate our pain.
Submit yourself to God (James 4:7a). Trust that God is sovereign and all-knowing. Additionally, submission is an act of obeying God’s commands. My parents and my first husband were church-going Christians, but because they did not submit to God and obey His commands, I was a victim of their unloving, abusive behavior. When I submitted to God’s command to forgive those who hurt me and resist the devil’s enticement to hold a grudge and be bitter, I became victorious over the control of those who hurt me.
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7b). Resist through prayer, praise, and holding fast to God’s truth. Most of all, obey God’s command to love Him and others, and Satan will flee. I had to resist the self-serving desire to close my heart to loving others as God loves them.
Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you (James 4:8a). Draw near with love and through prayer, trusting that He loves you. When you’re faced with a difficult problem, call out to God for help.

1Peter 5:6-9 states, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ⁸Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.”

Repent of your sins (James 4:8b & 1John 1:9). Sin separates you from God, and He will not hear your prayers (Is. 59:2). Review 1Corinthians 13:4-7 and Colossians 3:5-15 to see if you love others as God commands and are resisting the devil’s temptations to sin against others because of the hurtful things done to you. To overcome the trauma of the painful memories of those who sinned against you, work through my website book. When the painful memories are healed, then Satan can’t torment you through them or use them to entice you to sin.
Purify your heart so you don’t have a double mind (James 4:8, Matt. 5:8, & 1Peter 1:22). Matthew 5:8 states, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” “Put off” the sins and critical, wrong beliefs about yourself, God, and others, forgive them, then “put on” how God sees you and the truth about God, yourself, and others. Being abused or victimized creates soul wounds that need to be healed to have a pure heart. Read Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. My web-book will also help you to purify your heart and soul. Our lack of understanding of who God is creates thoughts of doubt and insecurity. We think God does not care about us, and we see ourselves as being unworthy. As children, we may have been victimized by someone who was in authority over us or who should have protected and loved us but didn’t.

Conclusion

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God allow children to be hurt by wicked people? Unfortunately, Satan is the ruler of this world (1John 5:19 & 2Timothy 2:26). He is determined to destroy as many people as he can and to prevent them from being followers of God. God allows him to test our faith so that we can have a pure devotion to God, as Job did. God warns the church of Smyrna in Revelation 2:10, “Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” We all must suffer while on this earth, but I encourage you to hold fast to your faith and devotion to God and resist Satan’s attempt to cause you to doubt God. You may feel shame from being victimized; if you do, then read Eliminate Depression with Self-love and God’s Love.

I am praying for you and ask God to bless you despite the trials you may be facing or will face. Remember, to “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. –James 1:2-4.

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright-protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

TRANSFORM REBELLION WITH LOVE

What causes a child or adult to rebel against those in authority at home, school, or church? Rebellion is to be in opposition. At one time in our lives, we were rebellious, either against our parents’ rules, societal norms, or church morals. Teenagers are known for their rebellious spirit, mainly because they want to be independent. Rebellion is a sin according to God’s Word. Do you sometimes live independently of God?

What Does the Bible Say About Rebellion?

Proverbs 17:11a states, “An evil man seeks only rebellion.”

Jeremiah 33:8, God said, “I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me.”

Hebrews 3:15 explains, “As it is said, ‘Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.’”

Romans 2:5 warns, “But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.”

Do you have a rebellious spirit? The Israelite people rebelled against God, even though they knew He loved them and led them out of bondage in Egypt and through the Red Sea on dry ground. God did so many miracles for the people of Israel, yet they rebelled against Him and disobeyed His commands. This was because of their sinful nature and because they did not love God. This broke and still breaks God’s heart. He wants to give you good things and bless you, but only if you love and obey Him. The Apostle Paul wrote that those who are self-seeking do not obey. Romans 2:8, “but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury.”

The Bible is clear that we will have troubles in this world (John 16:33), and we will go through trials (James 1:2), but often our disobedience brings us troubles and trials. When the Israelites disobeyed, God let other nations cause them troubles and hardships to discipline them. When they repented and returned to God, He sent someone to deliver them. The book of Judges describes this cycle. Do you love God and obey Him?

How Obedience is Love.

Children who love their parents will obey them. So what causes a child to not love their parents and rebel? One reason is the sinful nature in the child, which needs loving discipline to guide them in right behavior. The second reason is resentment towards their parents, which causes them not to trust that their parents have their best interests at heart. My psychology course calls it Obstinate Defiance Disorder, Conduct Disorder, or Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Most behavior problems begin with disappointment when expectations are not met. Neglecting the child will create trust issues, leading to Obstinate Defiance issues. Psychotherapy that heals painful memories of disappointment will help the child to deal with the disappointment in a healthy way. Often, teenagers don’t feel loved by their parents, so they choose not to love their parents and rebel against their rules. Why did you rebel against your parents?

We show that we love God by obeying Him. John 14:15 states, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” 1John 3:23 explains, “And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us.” Patience and kindness are evidence of love (1Cor.13:4). When we love others, we are right with God because we love as He loves. John 15:12-14 states, “This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life [selfish pride] for his friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command you.” Also, 1John 4:8 states, “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

Conclusion

Rebellion shows that our sinful nature still controls our lives. When we repent and reject sin and evil, it shows that we love and fear God and want to obey Him. What does the Bible say about the fear of the Lord?

Proverbs 8:13, “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.”

Proverbs 16:6, “By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil.”

Proverbs 19:23, “The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.”

Proverbs 22:4, “The reward for humility and fear of the LORD is riches and honor and life.”

If you feel you have a spirit of rebellion and want to live independently of God, ask Him to take the rebellious spirit from you and to give you a heart of humility to obey Him.

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

Why Should I Forgive?

THE GREATEST PRINCIPLE TO LIVE BY

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles. Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

HOW TO REPLACE SADNESS WITH REJOICING

What makes you sad? I was addicted to sadness because that was all I knew growing up. When I say addicted to sadness, I would make up something to be sad about that wasn’t real. I would get so depressed about something that did not happen except in my mind. Read Breaking Emotional Addictions to learn how I overcame this addiction. You can be addicted to other emotions as well. Some people want to feel good all the time, which leads to pleasure addictions.

What is Sadness?

Sadness is pervasive in our society. There is so much to be sad about. Sadness is a feeling of sorrow about a loss, which could be someone else’s loss. Sadness is a feeling of dejection from some form of rejection, even perceived rejection. Dejection is a low spirit, like melancholy, depression, or discouragement. It is the opposite of gladness, which is a happy and joyful attitude.

You have heard of the saying that some people see the glass half empty, which is why they are pessimistic and sad, or someone sees the glass half full, and is optimistic and happy. Which are you most of the time? We all have moments where we are happy or sad, but where do your thoughts dwell for most of the day, especially when you are by yourself? Do you feel you need to escape your thoughts by watching YouTube videos?

What Influences Your Emotions?

What do you allow to influence how you feel? Have you noticed that grateful people tend to be genuinely happier people? I have a friend who sees the negative in everything, and even when people are kind to her, she can’t see it or be thankful because they are not kind enough. Are you a grateful person? Some people see the good in others and show appreciation. Appreciative people show happiness for what others do or say, and it makes the other person feel valued and happy. We all want to feel valued. Do you show appreciation?

I have another friend who allows the news and her family to dictate how she feels about our political environment, which affects all aspects of her life. People who allow others to influence their feelings and attitudes have given up self-control of their thoughts and emotions. They internalize the negative energy of other people and their negative views and comments. Do you know people like this? These people are very sad.

The Power of Thoughts

Many of us are unaware of the power of our thoughts and the words of others, and how they influence our feelings and actions. Only you can control your thoughts. Negative thoughts make you sad or mad, and positive thoughts make you happy or grateful. What generates your thoughts? Is it a positive influence on your emotions or a negative influence?

Social media is known to be a negative influence, making people depressed. If you feel depressed by watching the news or viewing social media, then stop taking in the negative influence. If your friends and family are always negative, then limit your time with them. Negative energy increases your stress hormones, which affects your health and causes an imbalance in neurotransmitter connections in the brain. Negative thoughts lower both your serotonin and dopamine levels, which leads to depression and anxiety.

Replacing Sadness with Rejoicing.

We know that our thoughts control how we feel. Hebrews 10:5 tells us to take our thoughts captive and make them obey Jesus Christ, who is God. God forgives and is love, joy, peace, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, and self-controlled. If something sad happens, or something makes you mad, take those thoughts captive, pray, and give the negative thought to God, then rejoice and be thankful for something. Once, I was in a situation that made me angry, so I took the thought captive and gave the situation to God, then asked Him to give me patience and kindness. Next, I tried to think of something to be thankful for, so I said I am thankful that I am not a leper in India. I had just heard the story of how bad the conditions are in India for those with leprosy. Changing my perspective about my current situation helped me feel happy again. I was also able to respond with grace and kindness to the person who made me sad. Read Practicing Healthy Conflicts – an Example.

Philippians 4:6 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” By praying to God about our situation, you are taking the thought captive. Making supplication is petitioning God for a desired outcome. Being thankful is acknowledging that you are trusting God to work out the situation for good or in accordance with a promise He made. When we thankfully give God all our cares and concerns, we will be filled with peace and joy.

The Apostle Paul also tells us what our thoughts need to be in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” These are the thoughts we should meditate on and put out all other thoughts. If your mind dwells on these things, then you won’t be sad or mad.

Philippians 3:1 and 4:4 tell us to rejoice in the Lord, that is, to be glad and delight in what He has done for us and for His promises. Worship is part of rejoicing and being thankful. When we stay in a state of worship, then we will continually be filled with joy.

To change your thoughts, review the following posts.

POSTS on Thoughts

365 DAYS OF WORSHIP

POSTS about God’s Promises

FREEDOM POSTS

12 Joy Stealers

Truth Statements to Dwell on.

I choose to stay focused on God and receive His love and joy. John 17:13; 15:11

I choose to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and be thankful in every circumstance because this is the will of God in Christ Jesus. 1 Thes. 5:16-18

The God of hope fills me with joy and peace as I believe, and I will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Rom. 15:13; 5:3-5

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Neh. 8:10

Being in the presence of God through prayer and praise gives me joy. And He leads me down the path of life and abundance. Ps. 16:11

Nothing has power over me unless I allow it. I choose to rejoice always and not be anxious about anything, but continually give my concerns to God. Phil. 4:4-7

Joy is knowing that even the demons are subject to Jesus’s name, and I am protected from evil. Luke 10:17; 1 Jn. 5:18; Jn. 17:15; 2 Thes. 3:3

I find joy in believing the truths of the Word of God. John 15:11; Mk. 4:16

I can have joy despite my circumstances, knowing happiness depends on circumstances. I can be thankful even when life is hard because I am becoming complete and lacking nothing. James 1:2-3

A joyful heart is good medicine, and I will focus on God and not my circumstances. Prov. 17:22

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

OVERCOME UNHEALTHY FEAR WITH POWER

Are you aware of how much you are controlled by fear? Do you realize how the news and movies create fear in your mind? For example, I watched a movie called “Taken.” After watching that movie, I feared being kidnapped. The news about women being raped and killed while jogging, hiking, or going shopping reinforced my fear. I became afraid to go out of my house. Have you ever experienced that kind of fear? Some people take fear to a serious mental health level where they can’t leave their homes. Some people are afraid of the dark, dogs, spiders, or snakes, and they have an extreme reaction when they even see a picture of one. Do you know anyone like this? Some people have a fear of being around other people. Why? How do we overcome these fears?

I have been writing about mental health issues since the beginning of the year. Read my other mental health posts here. Mental health issues appear in different ways because we each have different unhealthy beliefs. Two ways to overcome fear are through courage and avoidance. For example, avoid driving on the wrong side of the road to prevent a head-on collision and death. Sometimes you need courage, like when you go into surgery or give a speech. Today, I want to explain how to overcome unhealthy fear with divine power.

Unhealthy Fear Creates Wrong Beliefs.

Healthy fear is based on truth, such as driving on the wrong side of the road will lead to a head-on collision and death. Unhealthy fear creates wrong beliefs that control your emotions and actions. Irrational fears can be traced to a bad experience or a scary movie. Maybe someone chased you with a snake, which terrified you. The truth is, snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them.

Wrong beliefs are things you think are true but are not based on reality. For example, I had an unhealthy fear of being abducted, raped, and killed that I developed from the news and a movie. This unhealthy fear was based on truth, but I had a wrong belief that it would happen to me. This wrong belief controlled my emotions and triggered anxiety. Do you see how unhealthy fears create wrong beliefs, which then influence your emotions and affect your actions?

Replace Wrong Beliefs With Truth.

Now, I replace my wrong belief with God’s truth and promises, that He is always with me and will help and protect me (Heb. 13:5b-6 and Ps. 23:4). Deuteronomy 31:6 states, “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you.” He will not leave you or forsake you.” I wrote a book called “Unlocking God’s Promises,” which explains God’s truths that can replace your wrong beliefs and give you courage.

How does Divine Power Eliminate Fear?

Power has many meanings, but in the context of fear, a sense of power gives you confidence or courage to face what you fear. Power gives you the capability of doing or accomplishing something even when you are afraid. Think about electricity, where the power source is an outlet that is connected to the power lines. Until you plug a device into the power source, it will not work. God is our power source, but until we plug into Him through prayer, we will not have any power to overcome our fears. Make sure you have repented of your sins because your sin separates you from God, and He does not hear your prayers (Is. 59:2). Here is what the Bible says about His divine power.

2Corinthians 10:4-5 tells us, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” God gives you divine power to take your thoughts of fear captive and put your trust in God by replacing your thoughts and focusing on God’s truths. The weapons of our warfare are God’s truth. Read Ephesians 6:10-18.

Who is the author of fear? Ephesians 6:10-12 states, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

2Peter 1:3 explains, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.” When you choose to trust God to help you, you have access His divine power to face all of life’s fears and challenges. His divine power helps you do every hard thing related to your life. He will also help you be godly as you grow in your knowledge of Him. You have been called to God’s glory and excellence, which does not include fear. 2Timothy 1:7 explains, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

Conclusion

Overcoming unhealthy fear is best accomplished through the divine power of God as you pray and take captive your fearful thoughts by replacing them with God’s truth. God also gave you His divine power for everything you do, even doing things you are afraid of. For example, one time I was hiking and saw a huge fresh bear paw print. I became very afraid because I know bears are known to attack humans and kill them, so I took my thoughts captive and claimed God’s protection. For good measure, I sang mixed-up praise songs to God to let the bear know I was there and that God was my protector. Proverbs 18:10 explains, “The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.”

God’s divine power is the only way to overcome temptations and take tempting thoughts captive, and replace them with His truth.

RELATED POSTS:

HOW FEAR CONTROLS YOU!

What Controls Your Thoughts?

FREEDOM OF THOUGHTS—Post 2

POSTS on Thoughts

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Prevent Suicide and Addictions with Hope

Have you ever lost hope? How often do you feel there is no hope? Have you ever contemplated committing suicide or know someone who has? I must admit that I contemplated suicide several times. When you feel no hope, you become depressed and want to escape. Despair is the opposite of hope, and despair is the leading cause of suicide. Some people resort to drugs or alcohol. Some people are addicted to shopping or excessive exercising to escape their despair. I was a workaholic, where I used busyness and achieving goals to help me forget my problems and feel good.

You only have hope if you trust the one who made the promise. I wrote a book about God’s promises that give you hope called “Unlocking God’s Promises.” It is now available on Amazon. These promises got me through some really tough times and have helped me stay strong in my faith. I struggled with many mental health issues for most of my life. It is a constant battle to take my unhealthy thoughts captive and apply the promises of God.

Evidence of Hope is Joy and Peace.

Lasting hope is in God because He keeps all His promises. The keys to unlocking those promises are to believe, be thankful, and obey Him. All other hope fades away or disappoints us. Romans 15:13 states, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” God is hope, and only by the power of the Holy Spirit will we abound in hope and be filled with joy and peace.

Depression is the opposite of joy and peace. Temporary distractions do not fill you with joy or peace. Empty promises do not give you joy or peace, just more disappointment. Only the God of hope can give you the joy and peace you long for. Psalm 42:11 states, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” We have no hope without God, according to Ephesians 2:12.

God is Faithful and We Can Trust Him

Someone who is faithful is dependable, tells the truth, and can be trusted. Hebrews 10:23 states, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” For the Scriptures below, read each phrase and ponder the truth that gives you hope. For example, I will break down the phrases in Deuteronomy 7:9

“Know therefore that the LORD your God is God,

the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love

with those who love him and keep his commandments,

to a thousand generations.”

1Corinthians 1:9 states, “God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”

1Timothy 1:2 states, “In hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began.”

Colossians 1:23 states, “If indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.”

Conclusion

Unlocking God’s Promises explains over 18 categories of promises that we can trust God to keep. Sometimes we may have to wait, as Abraham and Sarah did, fifteen years for the birth of Isaac. They were not patient to wait and decided to make the promise happen on their own, which did not end well. Knowing and claiming God’s promises fights despair when you are overwhelmed by troubles. I explain how God’s promises helped me through many difficult situations.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, available on Amazon.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.

My latest book is Unlocking God’s Promises, which explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

THE DOWNSIDE OF LISTENING EMPATHETICALLY

When you emphatically listen and understand the perspective of the other person, does it drain you? Are you tempted to judge the other person because they think and feel differently from you? Or do you take on their pain and burdens? These are the downsides of empathetic listening. We build trust when we make the other person feel valued and understood. But you may need to set boundaries when the person only wants to be understood and does not want to understand your perspective. Or the other person just wants to unload their emotional garbage on you. If that is the case, you will need to kindly set boundaries and help them seek the assistance of a professional counselor.

Read my last post on how to empathetically listen to develop win/win agreements. Some people want you to understand them, but do not want to have a win/win agreement with you. Being able to express your feelings gives you psychological air, but it may be overwhelming to the other person. Also, if you are the person who feels they are not understood or valued, ask God why you have that need. It could be that you need to work through painful memories of not being understood as a child or teenager. If that is the case, then read my online book to resolve those painful memories first.

If you are the person who demands to be understood, that is not healthy because you depend on another person for validation instead of turning to God for help with your problems. Meditate on the following Scripture: Jeremiah 17:5-8 states, “Thus says the LORD: ‘Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD. 6) He is like a shrub in the desert and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.’ 7) ‘Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. 8) He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.‘” Only God can truly meet your need to be understood and validated. He knows every detail about your life, and He wants you to cast your cares on Him, and He will cause it to be for your good (Rom. 8:27-28).

The Purpose of Empathy.

Empathetic listening is only effective when both parties are working towards a win-win agreement and are both mentally healthy seeking mutual benefits. If you are the type of person who cares too much and then becomes burdened by empathetic listening, put the cares of the other person into your God’s got-it box, and lose it from your memory. You may become offended and judge the people who hurt your loved one or friend; forgive them and put your resentment into your God’s got it box. Be cautious not to judge others and say hurtful things. Empathy is supposed to develop compassion, not judgement. Jesus showed empathy and compassion to those around Him, and He blessed them.

Jesus told the parable about the Samaritan man who came across a man who had been robbed and beaten. The religious people judged him and passed by him, but the Samaritan had compassion and helped him (Luke 10:29-37). Sometimes the people we work with, or family members are messy and mentally beat up. They need our compassion. Matthew 9:36 states, “When he [Jesus] saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” And Matthew 14:14 states, “When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.”

Do you Bless or Curse When You Understand.

How can we be a blessing to someone or be a curse? Do our words encourage or discourage? Listening with empathy is a blessing to the person with whom you want to have a healthy relationship. Being blessed is being encouraged and made joyful. We are blessed when someone is kind to us or is patient and gives us grace when we need it. To be cursed is to be made miserable and rejected by the hurtful, judgmental words of other people who should have loved you. So, you close your heart, so it won’t be hurt again. Closing your heart is a mental health problem because you are also closing out meaningful and loving relationships. Our words are the most common way we bless or curse God and each other. Read my post called: WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words

Another type of curse that causes misery are word curses put on us by family members, teachers, and those who hate us. Word curses are negative directives, such as you will never succeed. Or you lack discipline and will never be able to lose weight. We also put word curses on ourselves. I became free from many curses, and I encourage you to read my short book on my website to know what word curses are and how you can become free, too. Many times, we bring curses on ourselves when we do not trust and obey God. If you struggle to trust God, you may have false beliefs that prevent you from trusting God. I encourage you to read my short book to be free from these unhealthy beliefs. Go to Hopeforcompletehealing.com

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you will like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, available on Amazon.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, found on Amazon. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles. I would love to hear what you think so please leave a review.

EIGHT WAYS TO EMPATHETIC LISTENING

Are you quick to offer advice without fully understanding the underlying issue? Do you feel people don’t listen to you? Do you empathetically listen to others and seek to understand, or do you only want to be understood? Seeking to understand is an empathetic way of communicating that many people don’t know how to do.

I have been writing about mental health issues this year. Learning to understand others and practicing empathetic listening can be challenging if you are consumed by your own problems, which I was at one time. Or if you are a problem solver like me. I am quick to offer advice without fully understanding the situation first. Stephen Covey explains how to empathetically listen to people in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”

How Do You Communicate?

Listen with the intent to reply.

Speaking or preparing to speak.

Filtering everything through your paradigms or perspective.

Reading your autobiography into other people’s lives, thinking what worked for you will work for them.

Four Autobiographical Responses (Stephen Covey)

Because we listen autobiographically, we tend to respond in one of four ways.

We evaluate by either agreeing or disagreeing;

We probe by asking questions from our own frame of reference;

We advise and give counsel based on our own experience; or

We interpret and try to figure people out, to explain their motives, their behavior, based on our own motives and behavior.

What is Empathetic Listening?

Empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference.

You look out through it; you see the world the way they see the world.

You understand their paradigm from their perspective.

You understand how they feel.

The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it’s that you fully and deeply understand that person, both emotionally and intellectually.

Stephen Covey explains, “In addition, empathic listening is the key to making deposits in Emotional Bank Accounts, because nothing you do is a deposit unless the other person perceives it as such. You can work your fingers to the bone to make a deposit, only to have it turn into a withdrawal when a person regards your efforts as manipulative, self-serving, intimidating, or condescending because you don’t understand what really matters to him. Empathic listening is, in itself, a tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account. It’s deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person ‘psychological air.’” To learn more about how to build a person’s emotional bank account, see my previous post, 10 Ways to Build an Emotional Bank Account.

Empathetic listening is essential for creating win-win agreements. Because if you don’t understand the thoughts and feelings of another person, it will be impossible for it to be win/win. To learn more about creating win/win agreements, read How to Build Trust with Win/Win Agreements. Empathetic listening lets the other person know you value them, which is a psychological need every person has. Once they feel you understand and value them, you can focus on influencing or problem-solving.

Most people are taught to either repeat or rephrase what someone says to show you heard them. That is not understanding them. The key is to understand how the other person feels. For example, a child says, “I hate my teacher, she is mean.” Empathetic listening will want to know why; “You sound frustrated, tell me why you think she is being mean?” “Do you feel she is being unfair?” By rephrasing and reflecting the feelings, you get the other person to open up about why they believe something is true. Then you can lead them to think with their prefrontal cortex, where logic is. Next, you can help them develop a healthier way of thinking or come up with a solution to the problem.

Eight Actions to Be an Empathetic Listener.

1. I will listen with the intent to understand and not reply.

2. I will try not to read my autobiography into other people’s lives.

3. I will get into the other person’s frame of reference, to see the world the way they see it, understand how they feel, and thus give them “psychological air.”

4. I will not evaluate by either agreeing or disagreeing.

5. I will not probe with questions from my frame of reference or perspective.

6. I will not advise or give counsel based on my own experience.

7. I will not interpret by trying to figure people out, to explain their motives, their behavior, based on my motives and behavior.

8. I will rephrase the content and reflect the feeling.

Conclusion: Then Seek to Be Understood

In the post discussing win/win agreements, Stephen Covey defined maturity as the balance between courage and consideration. Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage. Win/Win requires a high degree of both. So it becomes important in interdependent situations for us to be understood. Being interdependent fosters rich, enduring, and highly productive relationships with others. When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most importantly, contextually, in the context of a deep understanding of their paradigms and concerns, you significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.

Read Mental Health Posts

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you will like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, available on Amazon.

GOD’S WIN/WIN AGREEMENTS

What are God’s expectations of us? Does He require that His children follow His commands? Do you require God to meet your expectations, or do you trust His wisdom and all-knowing power? Everyone has needs and desires, and so does God. We are made in His image. God is a Spirit, and we are spirits in human bodies. Ultimately, God created us to love Him and others. Jesus explains in Matthew 22:36-40, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

The Apostle Paul explains the principle of love in Romans 13:8-10, which states, “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. ⁹For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁰Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” Please read my post called THE GREATEST PRINCIPLE TO LIVE BY.

In my last post, I shared the need for WIN/WIN agreements that help you have healthy relationships, as explained by Stephan Covey in “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” But do you know that God sets up win/win agreements all through the Bible? With every win/win agreement, there are consequences for breaking the agreement. If you haven’t read my last post, please read it to help you understand what win/win agreements are and how they are helpful for healthy relationships.

God established the following agreement with the new Israelite nation, explained in Deuteronomy 28:1-8, which states, “And if you faithfully obey the voice of the LORD your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. ²And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the LORD your God. ³Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. ⁴Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. ⁵Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. ⁶Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out. ⁷The LORD will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. ⁸The LORD will command the blessing on you in your barns and in all that you undertake. And he will bless you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”

The condition for the win/win agreement on God’s side was for the Israelites to be faithful to obey His commands. Obedience shows that we love God (John 14:15). If they obeyed, they would be blessed in all they did. But if they didn’t obey, they would not be blessed, but cursed in all they did. Here is a sampling of the curses: Deuteronomy 28:45-48 “All these curses shall come upon you and pursue you and overtake you till you are destroyed, because you did not obey the voice of the LORD your God, to keep his commandments and his statutes that he commanded you. ⁴⁶They shall be a sign and a wonder against you and your offspring forever. ⁴⁷Because you did not serve the LORD your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things, therefore you shall serve your enemies whom the LORD will send against you, in hunger and thirst, in nakedness, and lacking everything. And he will put a yoke of iron on your neck until he has destroyed you.”

The consequences of not obeying seem very harsh. If you had a child who would not obey and was very obstinate, they would think your punishment or consequences were harsh, maybe even abusive. God is our Father and the King of Kings and lord of Lords; therefore, He requires that we obey because he created us to be in a loving relationship with Him and others. If you love someone, you will want them to love you back and be willing to work toward mutually agreeable benefits. If your spouse decides to have an affair, then the marriage agreement is broken. Often, affairs end a marriage, and the consequences are sometimes very harsh.

I published a book called “Unlocking God’s Promises.” In this book, I explain 18 categories of promises, which are win/win agreements. Agreements or solutions benefit everyone and leave everyone satisfied; if you don’t do your part, then God won’t keep His promise. For example, Matthew 6:33 states, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” God agrees to give you all you need if you seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. The Apostle Paul explains the kingdom in Romans 14:17, “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” We are to seek peace with all men (Heb. 12:14; Rom. 12:17-18; James 3:18; and 2Timothy 2:22). There are many other ways to seek first his kingdom, to learn more read, How do you seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness?

Another example is John 14:23, which states, “Jesus answered him, ‘If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.’” The condition is to keep Jesus’ instructions, and when we do, then the Father will love you and He will make His home in you.

Conclusion

Win/Win means that agreements or solutions benefit everyone and leave everyone satisfied. God created humans to be in a relationship with Him, so that He could show His love and power toward them. God has many win/win promises for those who obey and love Him. To learn more, buy my book on Unlocking God’s Promises. As soon as it is officially published, I will provide a link.

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Build Trust with Win/Win Agreements

Would you like to excel as a leader in your home, workplace, clubs, church, or leisure pursuits? Everyone needs to develop interpersonal leadership/relational skills because we are leaders in one way or another. Relational skills begin in childhood during playtime.

Stephen Covey explains five interpersonal interactions in the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. When you watch children play, see how many of the human interactions listed below are used. Also, note how the other children react. As you read the six paradigms of human interactions, think about how you interact with people and how they respond.

Six Paradigms of Human Interaction by Stephen Covey (Summarized)

Win/Win is a mindset and attitude that always looks for mutual benefit in every human interaction. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions benefit everyone and leave everyone satisfied. It is based on the idea that there is enough for everyone, and one person’s success doesn’t come at the expense or exclusion of others. For example, a person wants to play a game, but the others do not. So, they negotiate a deal that benefits everyone, agreeing to play the game they want to play.
Win/Lose is the authoritarian approach: “I get my way; you don’t get yours.” Win/Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way. As a parent, the result is conditional love, which is detrimental to a young mind and heart, being highly vulnerable and highly dependent upon the support and emotional affirmation of the parents. The child is molded, shaped, and programmed in the Win/Lose mentality. The academic world reinforces Win/Lose scripting. People are not graded against their potential or the full use of their present capacity. They are graded in relation to other people. Another powerful programming agent is competitive athletics, which is a leadership model that does not support healthy relationships or mutual cooperation.
Lose/Win. People who think Lose/Win are usually quick to please or appease. They seek strength from popularity or acceptance. They have little courage to express their own feelings and convictions, and are easily intimidated by the ego strength of others. This characterized my interactions for most of my life. But the problem is that Lose/Win people bury a lot of feelings. And unexpressed feelings never die: they’re buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways. Disproportionate rage or anger, overreaction to minor provocation, and cynicism are other embodiments of suppressed emotion. If you realize this describes you, then my online book will help you uncover suppressed emotions and learn how to think Win/Win.
Lose/Lose. Some people become so centered on an enemy, so totally obsessed with the behavior of another person, that they become blind to everything except their desire for the person to lose, even if it means losing themselves. It is also the thinking of the highly dependent person with no inner direction who is miserable and thinks everyone else should be, too. They believe that by holding onto a grudge or resentment, they are somehow punishing the other person. But, in fact, they are drinking poison, hoping the other person dies. These people find it very hard to forgive because they think that if they do, then they would have to give up their anger. However, this anger and resentment are punishing their souls by blocking love, joy, and peace. Do you know someone like this?
Win. A person with the Win mentality thinks in terms of securing his own ends–and leaving it to others to secure theirs.

Win/Win or No Deal

No Deal basically means that if we can’t find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to disagree agreeably–No Deal. No expectations have been created, no performance contracts established. I don’t hire you, or we don’t take on a particular assignment together, because it’s obvious that our values or our goals are going in opposite directions. When you have “No Deal” as an option in your mind, you feel liberated because you do not need to manipulate people, push your agenda, or drive for what you want. The Win/Win or No Deal approach is most realistic at the beginning of a business relationship or enterprise. Of course, there are some relationships where No Deal is not viable. I wouldn’t abandon my child or my spouse and go for No Deal (it would be better, if necessary, to go for a compromise–a low form of Win/Win).

HABIT 4 THINK WIN/WIN–Principles of Interpersonal Leadership by Stephen Covey

Whether you are the president of a company or the janitor, the moment you step from independence into interdependence in any capacity, you step into a leadership role. You are in a position of influencing other people. And the habit of effective interpersonal leadership is “Think Win/Win.”

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

1. Character is the foundation of Win/Win, and everything else builds on that foundation. There are three character traits essential to the Win/Win paradigm.

a. Integrity. As we clearly identify our values and proactively organize and execute around those values on a daily basis, we develop self-awareness and independent will by making and keeping meaningful promises and commitments.

b. Maturity. Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration. If a person can express his feelings and convictions with courage balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions of another person, he is mature, particularly if the issue is very important to both parties. I can listen, I can empathically understand, but I can also courageously confront.

c. Abundance Mentality is the attitude that there is plenty out there for everybody. People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit–even with those who help in the production. They give their energies to possessing things or other people in order to increase their sense of worth.

2. Relationships. Trust and a built up “Emotional Bank Account,” is the essence of Win/Win. Without trust, the best we can do is compromise; without trust, we lack the credibility for open, mutual learning and communication and real creativity. Rarely is Win/Win easily achieved in any circumstance. Deep issues and fundamental differences have to be dealt with. But it is much easier when both parties are aware of and committed to it and where there is a high Emotional Bank Account in the relationship. Also, the stronger you are spiritually and emotionally the more genuine your character. The more mentally healthy you are the higher your level of proactivity. The more committed you really are to Win/Win, the more powerful your influence will be with that other person.

3. Agreements. From relationships flow the agreements that give definition and direction to Win/Win. In the Win/Win agreement, the following five elements are made very explicit: I used this method to create agreements with my children.

a. Desired results (not methods) identify what is to be done and when, not controlling how it is done.

b. Guidelines specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc.) within which results are to be accomplished.

c. Resources identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational support available to help accomplish the results.

d. Accountability sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation. People evaluate themselves, using the criteria that they themselves helped to create up front.

e. Consequences specify–good and bad, natural and logical–what does and will happen as a result of the evaluation. There are basically four kinds of consequences (rewards and penalties) that management or parents can control.

Financial (income, stock options, allowances, or penalties),
Psychic (recognition, approval, respect, credibility, or the loss of them),
Opportunity (development, training, perks, and other benefits), and
Responsibility (scope of authority.)

Win/Win agreements are tremendously liberating. Stephen Covey shared the following. When my daughter turned 16, we set up a Win/Win agreement regarding use of the family car. We agreed that she would obey the laws of the land and that she would keep the car clean and properly maintained. We agreed that she would use the car only for responsible purposes and would serve as a cab driver for her mother and me within reason. And we also agreed that she would do all her other jobs cheerfully without being reminded. These were our wins. We also agreed that I would provide some resources–the car, gas, and insurance. And we agreed that she would meet weekly with me, usually on Sunday afternoon, to evaluate how she was doing based on our agreement. The consequences were clear. As long as she kept her part of the agreement, she could use the car. If she didn’t keep it, she would lose the privilege until she decided to.

4. Systems. If you want to achieve the goals and reflect the values in your mission statement, then you need to align the reward system with these goals and values. For Win/Win to work, the systems have to support it. The training system, the planning system, the communication system, the budgeting system, the information system, the compensation system–all have to be based on the principle of Win/Win. The spirit of Win/Win cannot survive in an environment of competition and contests. Often, the problem lies within the system, not in the people.

5. Processes. First, consider the problem from the other point of view. Really seek to understand and to give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party as well as or better than they can themselves. Second, identify the key issues and concerns (not positions) involved. Third, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution. And fourth, identify possible new options to achieve those results.

Healthy Beliefs to Achieve Win/Win

1. I will constantly seek mutual win/win benefits in all human interactions.

2. I will build my character through integrity, maturity, and abundance mentality, in which there is plenty out there for everybody.

3. I will be mature by expressing my feelings and convictions with courage, balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions of others.

4. I will develop trust in my relationships with people by building up their emotional bank accounts.

5. I will write clear agreements that give definition and direction to a win/win situation. I will define the desired results, guidelines, resources, accountability, and consequences.

6. I will align all the supporting systems for win/win with the goals and values of my mission statement.

7. I will seek to understand, then give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party, as well as or better than they can themselves.

8. I will identify the key issues and concerns involved.

9. I will determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution. I will identify possible new options to achieve those results.

Conclusion

Win/Win is not a personality technique. It’s a healthy belief system about human interaction. It comes from a character of integrity, maturity, and the “Abundance Mentality.” It grows out of high-trust relationships. It is embodied in agreements that effectively clarify and manage expectations as well as accomplishment. It thrives in supportive systems. And it is achieved through the process we are now prepared to more fully examine in Habits 5 and 6.

RELATED POSTS:

GOD’S WIN/WIN AGREEMENTS

How to Have a Healthy Argument or Conflict

Practicing Healthy Conflicts – an Example.

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

If you find this website helpful, you will benefit from the latest book. You can order Breaking Mental Strongholds on Amazon.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles found on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

MENTALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE PRIORITIZE

Do you feel like you don’t have time to spend with your family? Or, do you sometimes say, you don’t have time to accomplish your to-do list? The principle of putting first things first is about personal management. In this post, you will learn how to organize your life around priorities that align with your individual goals. I am sharing insights from Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” Habit Three: Put First Things First. Too often, we allow problems to control our time, which is stressful and emotionally draining.

The Four Areas Of Time Management That Control Us Are.

Quadrant 1. Urgent essential needs and crisis management. Things like deadline-driven projects, health needs, or crises. Feeling you need to assist others with their immediate challenges.

Quadrant 2. Important needs but not urgent. Activities that prevent a problem from happening, investing in relationships, planning recreation, and working toward goals.

Quadrant 3. Urgent, non-important needs. Like responding to social media posts, emails, or phone messages, going through the mail, and maybe popular activities that do not contribute to your goals.

Quadrant 4. Not important, and not urgent. These are time-wasters, such as scrolling through social media posts, watching TV, YouTubing, gaming, and so on.

Staying Mentally Healthy and Fulfilled.

When you accomplish a goal or principle, how does it make you feel? My mental health improves when I accomplish a priority, even small ones like taking out the trash or dusting. The more you stay in the second quadrant of time management, the less you will deal with crisis management in the first quadrant. Also, limit your time on non-important tasks or activities in quadrants three and four that steal valuable time you can never get back. Mental health improves when you avoid all tasks or activities that do not help you accomplish the things that are important or align with your principles. For example, if you want to exercise, plus learn Scripture, you could go for a walk and memorize Scripture or pray, instead of watching TV and eating chips.

Quadrant II Organizing Involves Four Key Activities:

IDENTIFYING ROLES. The first task is to write down your key roles. Individual, Husband/Father, Wife/Mother, Chairman United Way, Real Estate Salesperson, Board Member, Sunday School Teacher, and so on.

SELECTING GOALS. The next step is to think of two or three important results you feel you should accomplish in each role during the next seven days.

SCHEDULING. Now you can look at the week ahead with your goals in mind and schedule time to achieve them.

DAILY ADAPTING. With Quadrant II weekly organizing, daily planning becomes more of a function of daily adapting, or prioritizing activities and responding to unanticipated events, relationships, and experiences in a meaningful way.

Stephan Covey shares the following computer metaphor: Habit 1 says “You’re the programmer,” and Habit 2 says “Write the program,” then Habit 3 says, “Run or live the program.” The popularity of reacting to the urgent but unimportant priorities of other people in quadrant III or the pleasure of escaping to Quadrant IV will threaten to overpower the important Quadrant II activities you have planned.

If you have Habit 2 deeply ingrained in your heart and mind, you are driven by those higher values. You can align your schedule with those values with integrity, but you can also be flexible. You don’t need to feel guilty when you don’t meet your scheduled goals or when you have to change your schedule. When I don’t write down the goals I need or want to accomplish that week and make time for them, then I feel depressed or anxious.

For example, I have an overnight guest coming in a week. I have several tasks to complete to prepare for my visitor. I have to identify the tasks that I need to do, then I schedule them throughout the week, so when my guest comes, I am not anxious or depressed about what still needs to be done.

Healthy Beliefs to Put First Things First.

1. I will organize and execute around priorities.

2. I will not be problem-minded but opportunity-minded.

3. I will not react to the urgent but unimportant priorities of other people in Quadrant III or the pleasure of escaping to Quadrant IV.

4. I will think effectiveness with people and efficiency with things.

5. I will define my roles and goals for the week, then schedule those goals at the beginning of each week.

6. I will use stewardship delegation and focus on results instead of methods, or gofer delegation.

Conclusion

I have been writing about how to improve mental health this year. Go to my mental health page to read these posts.

Review Habit 1:

10 Ways to be Proactive Instead of Reactive

HOW TO BE PROACTIVE: cont.

Review Habit 2:

TWELVE WAYS TO ACHIEVE HEALTHY GOALS

Three ways to Unlock Your Potential: Achieving Goals Continued.

A MENTALLY HEALTHY PERSON IS PRINCIPLE-CENTERED.

THE GREATEST PRINCIPLE TO LIVE BY

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.