Did you pray for patience, then went through difficulties? Or, do frustrating things happen all the time, but now you realize you need more patience? So, why is patience so hard and why do difficulties increase patience? You can determine your level of patience by making a note of how you react to other drivers on the road. I was over-reactive and impatient with everyone, including myself. And driving was very stressful for me. This post explains why you can’t be patient, why you should be patient, and how you can be patient.
I learned that mature people are patient because they are not self-centered. They know that getting upset when something doesn’t go as planned does not change anything, except create stress. And mature people understand life is not fair so they accept it and choose to live in peace.
When we can’t be patient.
- You can’t be patient when you believe something is unfair, especially when suffering an unjust wrong. Can you remember a time when you protested that something was unfair? When you felt this, you developed an offense to the unfair treatment or event. It could be a discipline you felt was unfair, the death of someone close to you, not getting what you asked for, etc. That offense created a painful memory you may have forgotten about. The painful memory still exists and has created unhealthy beliefs that cause you to over-react or become frustrated and irritated when an event happens that triggers unhealthy beliefs. To heal those painful memories, read my short book on my website: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories
- You can’t be patient when you are not at peace with yourself or others because you are offended. Read: Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory
- You can’t be patient if you are self-centered? Pride thwarts patience because pride wants to be in control of what happens. Prideful people do not think they have to wait, be inconvenienced, or endure hardships. Read my posts on pride to learn more: The Core Negative Heart Issue and HOW PRIDE DESTROYS
Why be Patient?
- Be patient to reduce stress in your life and stress in those around you. Have you been around an impatient person? Did you feel stress? For example, waiting in a long line or waiting in a traffic jam can test your patience. If you get upset and frustrated, will that help the line move faster? No, it only increases your blood pressure and the blood pressure of those waiting in the same line. Stress causes health problems in you and the surrounding people.
- Be patient and hopeful and do not worry because you know God will act on your behalf and do miracles. When you get impatient because something is not happening fast enough, you become anxious, which causes physiological stress that then affects your health.
- Be patient and eliminate strife. When you are not patient, you will say and do unkind things. Read: Relationship and World Changing Kindness
- Be patient because love is patient (see 1Corinthians 13:4). When you are patient with other people, it shows you love them. God tells us to love others as Jesus loves them and as we would want them to love us. Ephesians 4:2 states, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,” Notice, being patient means we bear with others. When you bear with others, you are self-controlled when subjected to annoyance or provocation, which requires humility and gentleness. Read my posts on self-control to learn more: Self-control and Maturity and How to be Self-controlled in What We Say
- Patience is the fruit of the Spirit. Therefore, patience is a sign of a mature Christian who yields to the work of the Holy Spirit through the trials and hardships of life. Thankfulness is evidence of patience. Read: Being Thankful During Hardships
- Be patient because Jesus is patient. 1Timothy 1:16 states, “But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” So, we too are called to be patient (see Romans 12:12; 1Theselonians 5:14; James 5:7; and James 5:8 states, “You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.”
How to be Patient.
- Webster defines being patient as the bearing (enduring) of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, or irritation. Are you patient according to this definition? If not, go through the Patience Issues Worksheet and the chapter called “Finding Painful Memories” to heal the painful memories and unhealthy beliefs, so you can be mature and patient.
- Acknowledge you are prideful and ask God to take it from you and then give you His humility and gentleness towards other people’s issues. Work through MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues
- Do you have a hard time waiting? Hope helps you wait with patience. Romans 8:25 states, “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” Romans 12:12 states, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulations, and be constant in prayer.” Doing this will help you wait with patience.
- Ask God to show you the painful memories of offenses of when people were not patient with you or you were not patient. Then go through the healing described in “5 Steps to Heal the Soul.” Painful memories and unhealthy beliefs prevent the fruit of patience from manifesting in your life. As I have healed the painful memories of unfair treatments and disappointments, I have been much more patient and calmer than ever before. Since my painful memories were healed, I have stopped over-reacting and being controlled by my emotions.
- Put on patience and love. Colossians 3:12&13 states, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Slowly, read this verse again. You are chosen. You are holy. You are beloved. Another sign of patience is forgiving someone when you feel offended. If this is hard for you to do read: WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE
- You develop patience by going through hardships, to become strong and complete. James 1:3-5 states, “for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness (patience, endurance). 4) And let steadfastness (patience) have its full effect (perfect work), that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Conclusion
You don’t want to pray for patience, but developing patience is necessary to be mature and complete. To become patient, you practice being patient during difficult and trying circumstances. Just like you have to practice an instrument or a sport to be good at it. Practicing is hard work and often not pleasant.
You also need to put off pride and painful memories so the fruit of the spirit of patience can grow in your life. Just like getting the rocks and weeds out of your garden allows your flowers and vegetables to grow. Last, you are to be patient because Jesus is patient with you. Having peace, being forgiving, and being kind is the evidence of being patient.
I would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment.
RELATED POSTS:
7 Ways to Suffer Well: (Part 1)
Example of Suffering Well and God’s Response: Part 2 of Suffering Well
Patience — Freedom from Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness
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Bravo! Your articles provide insight into the way many of us have been stuck in certain life responses, then offer avenues of change.
My church focuses a lot of its teaching and ministry on these topics — gently forcing young Christians to examine root issues behind dysfunctional behavior that needs to change (church has a big prison ministry, too). My attitudes and habits have changed tremendously in the last decade because of these, even though I am now 71 and have been a believer since college.
The genius is in the way you piece together bad behaviors and underlying reasons through judicious stitching together of scriptures. I read the Bible daily for years and never saw any of this, viewing much of it as commands that I had a hard time obeying (and yes, I prayed for the Spirit’s help). I often wonder there isn’t something more explicit in the N.T. instructing us to check our past for mental wounds if we have a hard timing maturing.
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Hi David, Thank you for your kind words. I often wondered if readers understand my thinking process. I am encouraged that your church understands how to apply the Word of God to heal unholy beliefs and behaviors.
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