Relationship – Hope for Complete Healing

Ten Ways to Overcome a Critical Spirit

Where does a Critical Spirit come from? We all tend to see how others can do better or be better, so we feel the need to tell them. This is not bad if it is done in love and received as being loving. Being criticized often feels like being judged. The problem is, we don’t like to be told what is wrong with what we did. When we feel criticized, we feel rejected, and we don’t want to be with the person who criticizes us. Has this ever happened to you? How did it make you feel? How is your relationship with the person who criticized you?

Why Are People Critical?

I was a very critical person for many years. The Lord showed me that I had low self-esteem, so I would criticize others to make myself look better. I had a judgmental stronghold that was built by a critical mother, and I felt like I could never be good enough. The critical spirit is fueled by anger. So the first way to overcome a critical spirit is to work through all the bad memories of when someone criticized you and you felt rejected. First, ask God to show you the earliest memory or strongest memory of when you felt judged or criticized (Psalm 139:23-24). Don’t relive the experience and don’t talk about it. Immediately forgive the person for what they said to you and ask God to release and heal the resentment, rejection, and anger you felt and still feel. Then ask God to remove the spirit attachment to that memory. Next, ask God to show you the next painful memory of criticism, then forgive, release, and remove the attached spirit. To learn more about how and why healing your memories changes your life, read my online book at hopeforcompletehealing.com.

How Do I Change My Heart From Critical to Caring?

The remaining nine ways to overcome a critical spirit are adapted from Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook by June Hunt.

Humble your heart to see your sin and your immense need for God’s mercy. Next, see others’ significance in God’s eyes, and when you criticize them, you hurt God. Pray and ask God to help you show the same grace to others that He shows you (James 4:11 and 2:13)
Put on and practice showing compassion for others (Col. 3:12). Look closely at the life of Christ to learn His compassionate way of confronting the truth. Pray that you will be controlled by Christ’s love for others (1Cor. 16:14 and 1John 4:7) .
Draw out the heartfelt needs of others (Prov. 20:5). Pray that God will give you a discerning spirit as you seek to draw others out and encourage them with what they are doing right.
Offer acceptance to others (Rom. 15:7). Realize that everyone has an innate fear of rejection and a deep yearning for acceptance. Pray and ask God to be a channel through which He extends His grace and values others.
See the God-given worth in others (Luke 12:6-7). Ask God to help you treat every person, especially the one most problematic to you, as someone with God-given worth. And pray that the Lord will not allow you to despise anyone whom He created and loves. If you despise someone, ask God to show you why, forgive them if they have hurt or disappointed you, then ask God to give you mercy toward that person.
Praise the positives in others (Phil. 4:8). Ask God to help you see the positive and right things people are doing, and be thankful. Also, ask Him to help you see others as He sees them and value them as He values them.
Refuse to wound others with words (Col. 3:16 and Eph. 4:29). Prayerfully consider the possibility that what you are criticizing in someone may be something God wants to deal with you about. Before speaking words of criticism, ask a wise friend to evaluate the content and tone of your words. Realize that after critical words are spoken, you can never take them back. If you need to share how someone has hurt you, ask God for the right words as His instrument for good, and pray that the other person will receive what you have to say.
See the unmet needs of others (Phil. 4:19). Instead of judging the inappropriate actions of others, seek to understand the need behind each action. If someone is critical of you, realize that their words reveal that they have unmet inner needs (for love, significance, or security). Realize that people don’t always mean what they say, nor understand their own deepest needs.
Rely on God’s Word and God’s Spirit for wisdom (Heb. 4:12). Memorize James 3:13-18 about what the wisdom from above is and is not. Pray that God’s Spirit will teach you spiritual truths and lead you to speak these truths in love (1Cor. 2:13).

Conclusion:

A criticism begins as a thought, which is in your control. Ask God if it is necessary for you to address the issue; if so, ask God how you should address the issue in love. For example, our church was practicing for the Christmas program. The choir director got mean with the children’s program director. I witnessed it and knew it needed to be addressed because the other person is easily offended. I prayed about how to address the critical words spoken by the choir director and asked God to direct my words. I called her, and when I described what I witnessed, she immediately saw her sin and repented. She called the children’s program director and apologized. The next Sunday morning, she apologized to the whole church. Since that time, I have noticed that she is more careful with her words. But the damage is done.

Jesus explains in His first sermon how we are to act as His followers. Matthew 7:12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Jesus also said in Matthew 22:37-40, “And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38) This is the great and first commandment. 39) And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40) On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’” Let everything you do be done in love. Before you can love others well, you need to fix your love issues. See my page on resolving love issues.

Love From a Pure Heart

How to Respond to Criticism

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright-protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Heal Goodness Issues to Heal Mental and Physical Illness

What happens when someone says or does something bad to you? Why are people bad and hurtful, and how can they be good and helpful instead? When people do or say bad things to you, it wounds your soul or heart. These offenses create negative energy that negatively affects your health. I was amazed when I healed the goodness issues from my past, and my asthma improved. Everyone has goodness issues to heal because we all have been abused (in one way or another), shamed, gossiped about, devalued, and so on.

Why Are People Not Good?

We are all born with a sinful nature that causes us to be naturally bad and desire to hurt others. You don’t have to train a child to disobey, hit, lie, steal, be selfish, etc. Therefore, we are intentionally or unintentionally hurtful and cause wounds in someone’s heart. Our hearts are healed when the painful memory of the hurtful action is healed through forgiving the person or people. See my webbook to learn more about healing your memories.

Only God is good, and only He can make us good. When a person acknowledges they are a sinner, asks God for forgiveness, and receives Him into their hearts, they will have the true power to be good. Many people think they are good, even though they are sinners. All sin separates you from God, and no one can be good except through God. Though sinners may do good deeds, they are often driven by unconscious sinful desires. For example, I had an unsaved prisoner say she was a good person, even when she sold drugs. I explained that selling drugs causes harm to another person and is therefore bad, not good. Another inmate, who was saved, understood and explained to her that they thought they were being helpful by selling drugs.

What is Goodness and Good Works

Let’s examine what goodness and good works are. Goodness is a fruit of the Spirit that develops when we become spiritually and mentally healthy. Additionally, when we receive Christ as our Savior, we must conform to His image as we allow Him to heal our minds. Ephesians 2:10 states, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Titus 3:1-8 explains some of the good works we are to do and how God’s goodness empowers us to do good works. There is a lot to unpack in this passage.

“Remind them

to be submissive to rulers and authorities, (Rom 13:1 also states, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.”
to be obedient, (Col 3:22-24),
to be ready for every good work, (2Cor. 9:8, Col. 1:10, and 2Tim. 2:21)
to speak evil of no one, (James 4:11 and Acts 23:5)
to avoid quarreling, (Rom. 14:1 and 2Tim. 2:14)
to be gentle, and
to show perfect courtesy toward all people (1Cor. 13:4-5).

It is hard to submit to our rulers and those in authority, especially if we disagree with them or have resentment towards them. We are still required by God to obey them. This passage has the same advice as I explained in my last post. If you haven’t read it, please do. Thank you. The reason we struggle with Titus’s instructions is that we harbor resentments and anger from hurtful memories, especially toward authority figures. Many of us also have trust issues because those in authority over us hurt us by their sinful actions. These wounds need to be healed, so we can trust and submit to authority.

3) For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. This describes our sinful nature and the present worldview. 1Corinthians 6:11 adds, “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

4) But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared,

He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy,
by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,
whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,
so that being justified by his grace, we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

It is God the Holy Spirit who will wash us clean from our sins, regenerate our sinful nature to be righteous, and renew our minds to do what is good and right. Re-read the above verses and meditate on each phrase until you have internalized these fabulous truths.

8) The saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people.” Now we must seek to do good to those around us and not harm them. But first, you need to be washed, regenerated (sanctified), and renewed by the Holy Spirit; otherwise, our sinful nature still controls our thoughts and actions. Sanctification or renewal begins by putting off our old sinful nature by counting it dead, then putting on our new self, which is in the image of God, righteous and holy in truth (Eph. 4:22-24).

Go to my web page that explains the process for working through your goodness issues. This is not a quick process, but it will be well worth your effort.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles. Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

How to Become A New Person

Do you struggle with doubt that God is happy with your life? Do you feel like a hypocrite because you don’t feel you measure up to the church’s standard? When I read about putting off your old self with its evil practices, I felt guilty and helpless to overcome my personal sins and addictions. There is hope. We all know the verse in 2Corintians 5:17, which says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” So, why didn’t I act like a new creation? The new creation loves God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength, and loves others as themselves.

God knows all about your struggles, and He still loves you (Ps. 139). He wants to help you be free (John 8:36). James 4:6-8 outlines the basic steps you need to take to see victory in your new life in Christ.

Humble yourself before God and admit that you can’t live godly and be like Christ without Him and His help. God honors the prayers of the humble person. James 4:6 states, “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”
Submit your life and your situation to Him. My last post explained how to submit to God and live through Him. Admit you want to please Him, but you need His help. James 4:7 states, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Also, read my post called Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE.
Resist the devil’s temptations to sin or feel condemned and hopeless.
Draw near to God in prayer, and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). Hebrews 4:15-16 states, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16) Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Repent of known sins. Act 3:19 states. “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out.” Our sins separate us from God and block our prayers. Isaiah 59:2 states, “But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.” Repent means you seek God’s forgiveness for your sins and ask His help to overcome the sin, then resolve to obey and put on a new self that reflects Christ’s image.

I struggled for years to put off my old, sinful inner self. I hated how my sins and addictions continued to control my behavior. I was under tremendous guilt and condemnation. I prayed the following prayer every day for several years. When I submitted my resentments and trauma memories to God, and He began to heal them, and I forgave those who hurt me, then this prayer was more effective. Visit hopeforcompletehealing.com to discover how to receive healing for your painful memories and be freed from resentments. I now love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love others as myself.

Prayer of Victory – source unknown; modified by Joyce Hanscom

Father, I want to remind myself this morning that my sin-loving nature (my flesh with its passions and desires [Gal. 5:24]) died with Your Son when He died. I am no longer under sin’s control. Instead, I am alive to God (Rom. 6:1-13) the Creator of the universe is inhabiting my very being (1Cor. 3:16). Live through me today as You choose, so that I may say as Jesus did, that I do nothing of myself, but live by the power of the living Father (John 5:19; 6:57). I don’t want to do anything from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, I want to regard others as more important than myself. Not to look out for my own personal interests but also for the interests of others, which was Christ’s attitude (Phil. 2:3-5).

Today, I put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with others and forgiving them, not complaining about them but forgiving them, just as You have forgiven me. And beyond all these things, I want to put on a heart of LOVE (Col. 3:12-14, Eph. 4 :31-32). That I may be patient and not react to pain and trouble by complaining or losing self-control. I will be kind by showing sympathy, friendship, gentleness, and tenderheartedness. I have put into my heart a love that is not jealous, does not brag, is not arrogant, and is not full of pride or self-importance or haughtiness. Please help me not to act unbecomingly and not to seek my own interests. Please give me the grace to forgive and not keep a record of wrongs. I do not want to rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoice with the truth. Lastly, I put on Your love, which bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things through Your strength (1Cor. 13:4-7).

Father, I ask that I would be rooted and grounded in Christ’s love. That I may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge. Fill me with Your fullness (Eph. 3:17-19). And fill me with the knowledge of Your will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, to walk worthily to please You in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. Strengthen me with all power, according to Your glorious might, to attain all steadfastness and patience. Let me joyously thank the Father, who has qualified me to share in the saints’ inheritance in light (Col. 1:9-12).

This day is Yours. I realize that anything that comes my way today, whether a promotion or deposing (Ps. 75:6-7), victory or defeat, blessing or testing, mountain or valley, has come with Your permission. It has come with great purpose from my loving heavenly Father to bless me and conform me to the image of Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:28-29). And since you spared not Your Son, but gave Him up for me, won’t you surely give me everything else? (Rom. 8:32). Today, I am more than a conqueror through Christ (Rom. 8:37), and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13). I will choose today to rejoice always in the Lord; pray without ceasing, and in everything give thanks; for this is Your will (1Thes. 5:16-18).

I now put on the armor of God that I may be able to resist in the evil day and having done everything, to stand firm: I put on the belt of truth and store Your word in my heart that I may not sin against you (Ps. 119:11). Next, I put on the breastplate of righteousness by putting on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires (Rom. 13:14). I will put on the shoes of the gospel of peace that I may strive to live in peace with all people (Heb. 12:14). Then, I will take up the shield of faith with which to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. And put on the helmet of salvation, and take up the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s Word (Eph. 6:13-17). I put on the Lord Jesus Christ and choose to walk by the Spirit today, not carrying out the desire of my corrupt flesh and spirit as though I was still in darkness (Gal. 5:16, 25; Rom 13:13-14). Father, I want to glorify You today by bearing much fruit and showing myself to be Your disciple (John 15:8). I acknowledge that You are the vine, and I am a branch that cannot bear fruit apart from You (John 15:5). Help me, Lord, to bring forth Your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control today. Amen.

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You may copy and modify this prayer to help you with your specific issues you want to transform.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Mental and Spiritual Health Transformation

How do you know when you are mentally healthy? As you know, mental health is complex, but it is affected by your spiritual health. I discovered that when I am spiritually healthy, I am also mentally healthy. When I am mentally healthy, I am also emotionally healthy. I also discovered that sin in our lives and in the world affects our mental health, so the first thing to do for your mental health is to deal with your sin and the sins of others that hurt you.

I know when my spiritual health is down by the thoughts I am thinking, which reveal my mental health, so I ask God to show me why I am thinking negative or unforgiving thoughts. Here is the process I go through to transform my mind.

Recognize what I am thinking, especially if I am feeling sad, anxious, or mad.
Ask God why? If you don’t hear from God, then get your concordance out and find the word that best fits how you are feeling. You can also bring up Biblegateway.com or Biblehub.com and search for verses to address your current mental state.
Look up the scriptures to discover what unhealthy belief you have that is affecting your thoughts. I wrote a blog that lists various unhealthy beliefs and the truth to replace them: EXCHANGE OPPRESSIVE LIES FOR FREEDOM.
Take captive the wrong thoughts and beliefs, commanding them to be gone, and put in biblically true thoughts and beliefs in your mind.

A recent example:

I was feeling sad and angry. I ask God to show me why I was sad. My mother, who is 83 with dementia, was put on comfort care at the nursing home. My Aunt said to have her evaluated at the hospital. It turns out she had pneumonia. I was sad and angry that the nursing home was going to let her die without being evaluated. I took my thoughts captive and put them out, forgave those in charge of her care, and then put in the scripture truth that God knows all things and only He knows when our last breath will be. Apparently, I signed a paper stating that comfort care only would be provided if she had an irreversible condition. But without an evaluation, how did they know the illness was not reversible? I was also sad because I spent 10 days in the hospital with her, and hosted my Aunt many of those days, which totally disrupted my plans. I took those thoughts captive and replaced them with the truth that Jesus would want me to be with her in her time of need, and everything else can be put on hold. Matthew 25:45 states, “Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’”

How to Become Spiritually Healthy and Transform Your Mind (Eph. 4:22-24; Rom. 12:1-2; and Col. 3:10).

What you think dictates what you feel and how you behave. Read each of the passages several times to put these truths into your heart and mind. If you struggle with any point in the passage, then ask God why. You may have a wrong belief that needs to be put off before the truth can be put on.

I died with Christ, now sin does not rule my life (Rom. 6:11 & 16), and I was buried, raised, and made alive with Christ (Col. 2:12-13). To die with Christ is to consider my worldly and sinful desires as dead, so they no longer control me (Rom. 6:6-7). Since I have died to my fleshly desires, I no longer live for myself, but for Christ (2 Cor. 5:14-15; Gal. 2:20 & 5:24). My life is now hidden in Him, and Christ is now my life (Col. 2:20; 3:3; Rom. 6:11-12). Now I can do what is right and loving since Christ is in my heart by faith (Eph 3:17).

I am free from the power of sin over my mind, and I can passionately pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness (1Tim. 6:11), and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2Tim. 2:22). I will also add to my faith; moral excellence (virtue), then knowledge of God, then self-control, then steadfastness and endurance; then godliness, then brotherly kindness, and then love (2Pet. 1:5-7). I will walk by the Spirit and not gratify my sinful flesh (Gal. 5:16). I will set my mind on the Spirit to have life and peace and not on my sinful flesh, which is death to my spirit (Rom. 8:6).

I am firmly rooted in Christ and am now being built up in Him (Col. 2 :7). As I become rooted in Christ, I will begin to bear the fruit of the Spirit, which is Christ’s character of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-24). I can only bear fruit as I abide in the vine, Jesus Christ, and in His word (John 15:5-9). Because of Christ in me, I have been made righteous (2 Cor. 5:21). Now I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13).

When I live in Christ and keep my mind on the Spirit of God, I have His divine power to live a godly life through the knowledge of Him who called me to His glory and excellence. And I have been given exceedingly great and precious promises by God by which I am a partaker of His divine nature to escape the corruption of the world because of sinful desires (2 Pet. 1:3-4). I have divine power to put to death all earthly desires: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry (Col. 3:5). I can put on my new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator, Jesus Christ (Col. 3:10). I put on a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with others and, if I have a complaint against another, forgiving them; as the Lord has forgiven me, and above all these I put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony (Col. 3:12-14).

Because Jesus understands my weaknesses, I have the confidence to come boldly before the throne of God to find mercy and grace in times of need when I am being tempted (Heb. 4:16; Heb. 2:18). I have a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, and I am not afraid (2 Tim. 1:7). Fear, anger, and anxiety no longer controls my mind; if it does, then I pray and put it out and put in the spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. My words have the power to influence my mind; therefore, I will set my mind on the things of the Spirit and on Christ and not on the things of the world (Col. 3:1-3).

I am chosen before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless and predestined for adoption to become a child of God (Eph. 1:4-5; Rom. 8:15-16). Therefore, I have been washed, regenerated, and renewed by the Holy Spirit. I have a holy calling (saved and set apart) according to God’s purpose and grace through Christ Jesus (2 Tim. 1:9; Titus 3:5). I am being renewed day by day (2Cor. 4:16). Now I am blessed with every spiritual blessing (Eph. 1:3).

Conclusion

If you apply all the Scriptures above, then you will be spiritually and mentally healthy. Sin causes hopelessness and mental illnesses and destroys your relationships. Only when you live through Christ will you be free to truly enjoy life and peace. There is much more to being spiritually healthy. For more details, please read Are You Spiritually Healthy?

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

BENEFITS OF BELONGING

Do you ever wonder where you belong? Do you think there has to be more to life? The answer goes beyond the physical world. When you belong to a club or organization, you develop a passion and purpose; similarly, belonging to Jesus Christ also provides you with a purpose.

Belonging gives you a shared sense of purpose and passion because you are engaged in something meaningful. As a Bible teacher, my purpose is to help others learn and grow in their knowledge of God and the Scriptures. I have a passion for doing my best, and I want my students to achieve their best. I focus on learning new teaching techniques and creating fun activities to enhance my students’ learning experience. I feel that I belong to something greater than myself, and the camaraderie I share with other teachers reinforces this sense of belonging.

What gives you purpose and passion? If you find yourself struggling with this question, I encourage you to look outside yourself and toward the divine presence of God. My relationship with God has provided me with a sense of belonging, passion, and purpose—all of which are essential for mental well-being.

Does your purpose and passion hurt or help others?

Your purpose and passion can either benefit others and society or cause harm. For example, a person struggling with mental health issues may develop a harmful or distorted purpose, like the motivations of someone who commits acts of violence against innocent people. Individuals who inflict pain often hold onto a passion rooted in destructive lies and are influenced by the negativity they allow into their minds.

Ephesians 6:12 states, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” The demonic world cannot read your mind, but they can put negative thoughts into your mind. You can take your bad or negative thoughts captive, put them out of your mind, and meditate on good things. The Apostle Paul suggested in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Consider what thoughts occupy your mind. What influences you to be loving, kind, and helpful? The focus of your mind ultimately shapes your purpose and passion.

God Gives You Purpose

Being part of the family of God is incredibly rewarding and positively impacts your mental health. I have outlined numerous benefits of being a follower of Jesus Christ. Please read the statements below and reflect on how each truth provides you with a sense of purpose and belonging. There is so much to be passionate about!

You have been bought with a price through the sacrifice of Christ Jesus; You are not your own anymore but belong to God (1 Cor. 6:19-20). If you believe this and receive Him into your heart, you are given the right to become a child of God and belong to His family (John 1:12).
Since you are in Christ and He is in you (Col. 1:27), by the grace of God… you have been justified, completely forgiven, and redeemed (renewed) (Rom. 5:1; Eph 1:7). You now belong to Christ Jesus because you are in Christ and forgiven of your sins. Now you have a purpose to tell others of what Christ has done for you and can do for them.
You are free forever from condemnation because you are in Christ (Rom. 8:1). Since you belong to Christ and are free from condemnation of your former sins, you are now free to passionately reach out to those who are hurting and in need of freedom from their sin condition.
You have been placed in Christ by God’s mercy, and you now possess wisdom from God, His righteousness, sanctification, and redemption (1 Cor. 1:30).
You have received the Spirit of God that you might know the things freely given to you by God (1 Cor. 2:12). You can now go to God in prayer, and He will give you understanding. You have been given the mind of Christ (1Cor. 2:16).
You have been established, anointed, and sealed by God in Christ, and you have been given the Holy Spirit as a pledge guaranteeing your inheritance to come (2 Cor. 1:21; Eph. 1:13-14).
You were predestined and determined by God to be adopted as God’s child (Eph. 1:5).
You have been redeemed and forgiven, and you receive His lavish grace. You have been made alive together with Christ (Eph. 2:5), and raised up and seated with Christ in Heaven (Eph. 2:6).
You are one with God (1Cor. 6:17) and have direct access to God through the Spirit (Eph. 2:17-18). So you may approach God with boldness, freedom, and confidence (Eph. 3:12).
You have been rescued from the domain of Satan’s rule and transferred to the kingdom of Christ. You have been redeemed and forgiven of all your sins. (Col. 1:13-14).
The debt against you has been canceled (Col. 2:14).
Because You are sanctified (by putting off your old self and putting on Christ’s life), you are one with the Sanctifier, Jesus Christ; He is not ashamed to call me brethren (Heb. 2:11). You have been made complete in Christ (Col. 2:10)

Conclusion

We all want to belong to something, to feel accepted, and have a purpose. As I reflect on the senseless assassination of Charlie Kirk, I can’t help but be in awe of his sense of purpose, passion, and belonging. You may not know much about Charlie, or you may not agree with his political stance. He lived his life with passion and boldness because he belonged to the family of God and believed in the conservative movement, which gave him purpose and power to stand against great danger and opposition. He invited people to join him and be a part of his conservative Christian movement. People felt they belonged because they were accepted, and as a result, they had the courage to be passionate about their beliefs and the message of hope. Because you belong to the family of God, you have so much to be passionate about. Go and tell others and invite them to belong to the family of God with you.

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My latest book is Unlocking God’s Promises, which explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

TRANSFORM REBELLION WITH LOVE

What causes a child or adult to rebel against those in authority at home, school, or church? Rebellion is to be in opposition. At one time in our lives, we were rebellious, either against our parents’ rules, societal norms, or church morals. Teenagers are known for their rebellious spirit, mainly because they want to be independent. Rebellion is a sin according to God’s Word. Do you sometimes live independently of God?

What Does the Bible Say About Rebellion?

Proverbs 17:11a states, “An evil man seeks only rebellion.”

Jeremiah 33:8, God said, “I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me.”

Hebrews 3:15 explains, “As it is said, ‘Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.’”

Romans 2:5 warns, “But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.”

Do you have a rebellious spirit? The Israelite people rebelled against God, even though they knew He loved them and led them out of bondage in Egypt and through the Red Sea on dry ground. God did so many miracles for the people of Israel, yet they rebelled against Him and disobeyed His commands. This was because of their sinful nature and because they did not love God. This broke and still breaks God’s heart. He wants to give you good things and bless you, but only if you love and obey Him. The Apostle Paul wrote that those who are self-seeking do not obey. Romans 2:8, “but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury.”

The Bible is clear that we will have troubles in this world (John 16:33), and we will go through trials (James 1:2), but often our disobedience brings us troubles and trials. When the Israelites disobeyed, God let other nations cause them troubles and hardships to discipline them. When they repented and returned to God, He sent someone to deliver them. The book of Judges describes this cycle. Do you love God and obey Him?

How Obedience is Love.

Children who love their parents will obey them. So what causes a child to not love their parents and rebel? One reason is the sinful nature in the child, which needs loving discipline to guide them in right behavior. The second reason is resentment towards their parents, which causes them not to trust that their parents have their best interests at heart. My psychology course calls it Obstinate Defiance Disorder, Conduct Disorder, or Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Most behavior problems begin with disappointment when expectations are not met. Neglecting the child will create trust issues, leading to Obstinate Defiance issues. Psychotherapy that heals painful memories of disappointment will help the child to deal with the disappointment in a healthy way. Often, teenagers don’t feel loved by their parents, so they choose not to love their parents and rebel against their rules. Why did you rebel against your parents?

We show that we love God by obeying Him. John 14:15 states, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” 1John 3:23 explains, “And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us.” Patience and kindness are evidence of love (1Cor.13:4). When we love others, we are right with God because we love as He loves. John 15:12-14 states, “This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life [selfish pride] for his friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command you.” Also, 1John 4:8 states, “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

Conclusion

Rebellion shows that our sinful nature still controls our lives. When we repent and reject sin and evil, it shows that we love and fear God and want to obey Him. What does the Bible say about the fear of the Lord?

Proverbs 8:13, “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.”

Proverbs 16:6, “By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil.”

Proverbs 19:23, “The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.”

Proverbs 22:4, “The reward for humility and fear of the LORD is riches and honor and life.”

If you feel you have a spirit of rebellion and want to live independently of God, ask Him to take the rebellious spirit from you and to give you a heart of humility to obey Him.

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

Why Should I Forgive?

THE GREATEST PRINCIPLE TO LIVE BY

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

THE DOWNSIDE OF LISTENING EMPATHETICALLY

When you emphatically listen and understand the perspective of the other person, does it drain you? Are you tempted to judge the other person because they think and feel differently from you? Or do you take on their pain and burdens? These are the downsides of empathetic listening. We build trust when we make the other person feel valued and understood. But you may need to set boundaries when the person only wants to be understood and does not want to understand your perspective. Or the other person just wants to unload their emotional garbage on you. If that is the case, you will need to kindly set boundaries and help them seek the assistance of a professional counselor.

Read my last post on how to empathetically listen to develop win/win agreements. Some people want you to understand them, but do not want to have a win/win agreement with you. Being able to express your feelings gives you psychological air, but it may be overwhelming to the other person. Also, if you are the person who feels they are not understood or valued, ask God why you have that need. It could be that you need to work through painful memories of not being understood as a child or teenager. If that is the case, then read my online book to resolve those painful memories first.

If you are the person who demands to be understood, that is not healthy because you depend on another person for validation instead of turning to God for help with your problems. Meditate on the following Scripture: Jeremiah 17:5-8 states, “Thus says the LORD: ‘Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD. 6) He is like a shrub in the desert and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.’ 7) ‘Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. 8) He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.‘” Only God can truly meet your need to be understood and validated. He knows every detail about your life, and He wants you to cast your cares on Him, and He will cause it to be for your good (Rom. 8:27-28).

The Purpose of Empathy.

Empathetic listening is only effective when both parties are working towards a win-win agreement and are both mentally healthy seeking mutual benefits. If you are the type of person who cares too much and then becomes burdened by empathetic listening, put the cares of the other person into your God’s got-it box, and lose it from your memory. You may become offended and judge the people who hurt your loved one or friend; forgive them and put your resentment into your God’s got it box. Be cautious not to judge others and say hurtful things. Empathy is supposed to develop compassion, not judgement. Jesus showed empathy and compassion to those around Him, and He blessed them.

Jesus told the parable about the Samaritan man who came across a man who had been robbed and beaten. The religious people judged him and passed by him, but the Samaritan had compassion and helped him (Luke 10:29-37). Sometimes the people we work with, or family members are messy and mentally beat up. They need our compassion. Matthew 9:36 states, “When he [Jesus] saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” And Matthew 14:14 states, “When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.”

Do you Bless or Curse When You Understand.

How can we be a blessing to someone or be a curse? Do our words encourage or discourage? Listening with empathy is a blessing to the person with whom you want to have a healthy relationship. Being blessed is being encouraged and made joyful. We are blessed when someone is kind to us or is patient and gives us grace when we need it. To be cursed is to be made miserable and rejected by the hurtful, judgmental words of other people who should have loved you. So, you close your heart, so it won’t be hurt again. Closing your heart is a mental health problem because you are also closing out meaningful and loving relationships. Our words are the most common way we bless or curse God and each other. Read my post called: WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words

Another type of curse that causes misery are word curses put on us by family members, teachers, and those who hate us. Word curses are negative directives, such as you will never succeed. Or you lack discipline and will never be able to lose weight. We also put word curses on ourselves. I became free from many curses, and I encourage you to read my short book on my website to know what word curses are and how you can become free, too. Many times, we bring curses on ourselves when we do not trust and obey God. If you struggle to trust God, you may have false beliefs that prevent you from trusting God. I encourage you to read my short book to be free from these unhealthy beliefs. Go to Hopeforcompletehealing.com

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you will like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, available on Amazon.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, found on Amazon. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles. I would love to hear what you think so please leave a review.

EIGHT WAYS TO EMPATHETIC LISTENING

Are you quick to offer advice without fully understanding the underlying issue? Do you feel people don’t listen to you? Do you empathetically listen to others and seek to understand, or do you only want to be understood? Seeking to understand is an empathetic way of communicating that many people don’t know how to do.

I have been writing about mental health issues this year. Learning to understand others and practicing empathetic listening can be challenging if you are consumed by your own problems, which I was at one time. Or if you are a problem solver like me. I am quick to offer advice without fully understanding the situation first. Stephen Covey explains how to empathetically listen to people in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”

How Do You Communicate?

Listen with the intent to reply.

Speaking or preparing to speak.

Filtering everything through your paradigms or perspective.

Reading your autobiography into other people’s lives, thinking what worked for you will work for them.

Four Autobiographical Responses (Stephen Covey)

Because we listen autobiographically, we tend to respond in one of four ways.

We evaluate by either agreeing or disagreeing;

We probe by asking questions from our own frame of reference;

We advise and give counsel based on our own experience; or

We interpret and try to figure people out, to explain their motives, their behavior, based on our own motives and behavior.

What is Empathetic Listening?

Empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference.

You look out through it; you see the world the way they see the world.

You understand their paradigm from their perspective.

You understand how they feel.

The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it’s that you fully and deeply understand that person, both emotionally and intellectually.

Stephen Covey explains, “In addition, empathic listening is the key to making deposits in Emotional Bank Accounts, because nothing you do is a deposit unless the other person perceives it as such. You can work your fingers to the bone to make a deposit, only to have it turn into a withdrawal when a person regards your efforts as manipulative, self-serving, intimidating, or condescending because you don’t understand what really matters to him. Empathic listening is, in itself, a tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account. It’s deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person ‘psychological air.’” To learn more about how to build a person’s emotional bank account, see my previous post, 10 Ways to Build an Emotional Bank Account.

Empathetic listening is essential for creating win-win agreements. Because if you don’t understand the thoughts and feelings of another person, it will be impossible for it to be win/win. To learn more about creating win/win agreements, read How to Build Trust with Win/Win Agreements. Empathetic listening lets the other person know you value them, which is a psychological need every person has. Once they feel you understand and value them, you can focus on influencing or problem-solving.

Most people are taught to either repeat or rephrase what someone says to show you heard them. That is not understanding them. The key is to understand how the other person feels. For example, a child says, “I hate my teacher, she is mean.” Empathetic listening will want to know why; “You sound frustrated, tell me why you think she is being mean?” “Do you feel she is being unfair?” By rephrasing and reflecting the feelings, you get the other person to open up about why they believe something is true. Then you can lead them to think with their prefrontal cortex, where logic is. Next, you can help them develop a healthier way of thinking or come up with a solution to the problem.

Eight Actions to Be an Empathetic Listener.

1. I will listen with the intent to understand and not reply.

2. I will try not to read my autobiography into other people’s lives.

3. I will get into the other person’s frame of reference, to see the world the way they see it, understand how they feel, and thus give them “psychological air.”

4. I will not evaluate by either agreeing or disagreeing.

5. I will not probe with questions from my frame of reference or perspective.

6. I will not advise or give counsel based on my own experience.

7. I will not interpret by trying to figure people out, to explain their motives, their behavior, based on my motives and behavior.

8. I will rephrase the content and reflect the feeling.

Conclusion: Then Seek to Be Understood

In the post discussing win/win agreements, Stephen Covey defined maturity as the balance between courage and consideration. Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage. Win/Win requires a high degree of both. So it becomes important in interdependent situations for us to be understood. Being interdependent fosters rich, enduring, and highly productive relationships with others. When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most importantly, contextually, in the context of a deep understanding of their paradigms and concerns, you significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.

Read Mental Health Posts

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you will like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, available on Amazon.

How to Build Trust with Win/Win Agreements

Would you like to excel as a leader in your home, workplace, clubs, church, or leisure pursuits? Everyone needs to develop interpersonal leadership/relational skills because we are leaders in one way or another. Relational skills begin in childhood during playtime.

Stephen Covey explains five interpersonal interactions in the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. When you watch children play, see how many of the human interactions listed below are used. Also, note how the other children react. As you read the six paradigms of human interactions, think about how you interact with people and how they respond.

Six Paradigms of Human Interaction by Stephen Covey (Summarized)

Win/Win is a mindset and attitude that always looks for mutual benefit in every human interaction. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions benefit everyone and leave everyone satisfied. It is based on the idea that there is enough for everyone, and one person’s success doesn’t come at the expense or exclusion of others. For example, a person wants to play a game, but the others do not. So, they negotiate a deal that benefits everyone, agreeing to play the game they want to play.
Win/Lose is the authoritarian approach: “I get my way; you don’t get yours.” Win/Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way. As a parent, the result is conditional love, which is detrimental to a young mind and heart, being highly vulnerable and highly dependent upon the support and emotional affirmation of the parents. The child is molded, shaped, and programmed in the Win/Lose mentality. The academic world reinforces Win/Lose scripting. People are not graded against their potential or the full use of their present capacity. They are graded in relation to other people. Another powerful programming agent is competitive athletics, which is a leadership model that does not support healthy relationships or mutual cooperation.
Lose/Win. People who think Lose/Win are usually quick to please or appease. They seek strength from popularity or acceptance. They have little courage to express their own feelings and convictions, and are easily intimidated by the ego strength of others. This characterized my interactions for most of my life. But the problem is that Lose/Win people bury a lot of feelings. And unexpressed feelings never die: they’re buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways. Disproportionate rage or anger, overreaction to minor provocation, and cynicism are other embodiments of suppressed emotion. If you realize this describes you, then my online book will help you uncover suppressed emotions and learn how to think Win/Win.
Lose/Lose. Some people become so centered on an enemy, so totally obsessed with the behavior of another person, that they become blind to everything except their desire for the person to lose, even if it means losing themselves. It is also the thinking of the highly dependent person with no inner direction who is miserable and thinks everyone else should be, too. They believe that by holding onto a grudge or resentment, they are somehow punishing the other person. But, in fact, they are drinking poison, hoping the other person dies. These people find it very hard to forgive because they think that if they do, then they would have to give up their anger. However, this anger and resentment are punishing their souls by blocking love, joy, and peace. Do you know someone like this?
Win. A person with the Win mentality thinks in terms of securing his own ends–and leaving it to others to secure theirs.

Win/Win or No Deal

No Deal basically means that if we can’t find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to disagree agreeably–No Deal. No expectations have been created, no performance contracts established. I don’t hire you, or we don’t take on a particular assignment together, because it’s obvious that our values or our goals are going in opposite directions. When you have “No Deal” as an option in your mind, you feel liberated because you do not need to manipulate people, push your agenda, or drive for what you want. The Win/Win or No Deal approach is most realistic at the beginning of a business relationship or enterprise. Of course, there are some relationships where No Deal is not viable. I wouldn’t abandon my child or my spouse and go for No Deal (it would be better, if necessary, to go for a compromise–a low form of Win/Win).

HABIT 4 THINK WIN/WIN–Principles of Interpersonal Leadership by Stephen Covey

Whether you are the president of a company or the janitor, the moment you step from independence into interdependence in any capacity, you step into a leadership role. You are in a position of influencing other people. And the habit of effective interpersonal leadership is “Think Win/Win.”

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

1. Character is the foundation of Win/Win, and everything else builds on that foundation. There are three character traits essential to the Win/Win paradigm.

a. Integrity. As we clearly identify our values and proactively organize and execute around those values on a daily basis, we develop self-awareness and independent will by making and keeping meaningful promises and commitments.

b. Maturity. Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration. If a person can express his feelings and convictions with courage balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions of another person, he is mature, particularly if the issue is very important to both parties. I can listen, I can empathically understand, but I can also courageously confront.

c. Abundance Mentality is the attitude that there is plenty out there for everybody. People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit–even with those who help in the production. They give their energies to possessing things or other people in order to increase their sense of worth.

2. Relationships. Trust and a built up “Emotional Bank Account,” is the essence of Win/Win. Without trust, the best we can do is compromise; without trust, we lack the credibility for open, mutual learning and communication and real creativity. Rarely is Win/Win easily achieved in any circumstance. Deep issues and fundamental differences have to be dealt with. But it is much easier when both parties are aware of and committed to it and where there is a high Emotional Bank Account in the relationship. Also, the stronger you are spiritually and emotionally the more genuine your character. The more mentally healthy you are the higher your level of proactivity. The more committed you really are to Win/Win, the more powerful your influence will be with that other person.

3. Agreements. From relationships flow the agreements that give definition and direction to Win/Win. In the Win/Win agreement, the following five elements are made very explicit: I used this method to create agreements with my children.

a. Desired results (not methods) identify what is to be done and when, not controlling how it is done.

b. Guidelines specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc.) within which results are to be accomplished.

c. Resources identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational support available to help accomplish the results.

d. Accountability sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation. People evaluate themselves, using the criteria that they themselves helped to create up front.

e. Consequences specify–good and bad, natural and logical–what does and will happen as a result of the evaluation. There are basically four kinds of consequences (rewards and penalties) that management or parents can control.

Financial (income, stock options, allowances, or penalties),
Psychic (recognition, approval, respect, credibility, or the loss of them),
Opportunity (development, training, perks, and other benefits), and
Responsibility (scope of authority.)

Win/Win agreements are tremendously liberating. Stephen Covey shared the following. When my daughter turned 16, we set up a Win/Win agreement regarding use of the family car. We agreed that she would obey the laws of the land and that she would keep the car clean and properly maintained. We agreed that she would use the car only for responsible purposes and would serve as a cab driver for her mother and me within reason. And we also agreed that she would do all her other jobs cheerfully without being reminded. These were our wins. We also agreed that I would provide some resources–the car, gas, and insurance. And we agreed that she would meet weekly with me, usually on Sunday afternoon, to evaluate how she was doing based on our agreement. The consequences were clear. As long as she kept her part of the agreement, she could use the car. If she didn’t keep it, she would lose the privilege until she decided to.

4. Systems. If you want to achieve the goals and reflect the values in your mission statement, then you need to align the reward system with these goals and values. For Win/Win to work, the systems have to support it. The training system, the planning system, the communication system, the budgeting system, the information system, the compensation system–all have to be based on the principle of Win/Win. The spirit of Win/Win cannot survive in an environment of competition and contests. Often, the problem lies within the system, not in the people.

5. Processes. First, consider the problem from the other point of view. Really seek to understand and to give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party as well as or better than they can themselves. Second, identify the key issues and concerns (not positions) involved. Third, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution. And fourth, identify possible new options to achieve those results.

Healthy Beliefs to Achieve Win/Win

1. I will constantly seek mutual win/win benefits in all human interactions.

2. I will build my character through integrity, maturity, and abundance mentality, in which there is plenty out there for everybody.

3. I will be mature by expressing my feelings and convictions with courage, balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions of others.

4. I will develop trust in my relationships with people by building up their emotional bank accounts.

5. I will write clear agreements that give definition and direction to a win/win situation. I will define the desired results, guidelines, resources, accountability, and consequences.

6. I will align all the supporting systems for win/win with the goals and values of my mission statement.

7. I will seek to understand, then give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party, as well as or better than they can themselves.

8. I will identify the key issues and concerns involved.

9. I will determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution. I will identify possible new options to achieve those results.

Conclusion

Win/Win is not a personality technique. It’s a healthy belief system about human interaction. It comes from a character of integrity, maturity, and the “Abundance Mentality.” It grows out of high-trust relationships. It is embodied in agreements that effectively clarify and manage expectations as well as accomplishment. It thrives in supportive systems. And it is achieved through the process we are now prepared to more fully examine in Habits 5 and 6.

RELATED POSTS:

GOD’S WIN/WIN AGREEMENTS

How to Have a Healthy Argument or Conflict

Practicing Healthy Conflicts – an Example.

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

If you find this website helpful, you will benefit from the latest book. You can order Breaking Mental Strongholds on Amazon.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles found on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

MENTALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE PRIORITIZE

Do you feel like you don’t have time to spend with your family? Or, do you sometimes say, you don’t have time to accomplish your to-do list? The principle of putting first things first is about personal management. In this post, you will learn how to organize your life around priorities that align with your individual goals. I am sharing insights from Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” Habit Three: Put First Things First. Too often, we allow problems to control our time, which is stressful and emotionally draining.

The Four Areas Of Time Management That Control Us Are.

Quadrant 1. Urgent essential needs and crisis management. Things like deadline-driven projects, health needs, or crises. Feeling you need to assist others with their immediate challenges.

Quadrant 2. Important needs but not urgent. Activities that prevent a problem from happening, investing in relationships, planning recreation, and working toward goals.

Quadrant 3. Urgent, non-important needs. Like responding to social media posts, emails, or phone messages, going through the mail, and maybe popular activities that do not contribute to your goals.

Quadrant 4. Not important, and not urgent. These are time-wasters, such as scrolling through social media posts, watching TV, YouTubing, gaming, and so on.

Staying Mentally Healthy and Fulfilled.

When you accomplish a goal or principle, how does it make you feel? My mental health improves when I accomplish a priority, even small ones like taking out the trash or dusting. The more you stay in the second quadrant of time management, the less you will deal with crisis management in the first quadrant. Also, limit your time on non-important tasks or activities in quadrants three and four that steal valuable time you can never get back. Mental health improves when you avoid all tasks or activities that do not help you accomplish the things that are important or align with your principles. For example, if you want to exercise, plus learn Scripture, you could go for a walk and memorize Scripture or pray, instead of watching TV and eating chips.

Quadrant II Organizing Involves Four Key Activities:

IDENTIFYING ROLES. The first task is to write down your key roles. Individual, Husband/Father, Wife/Mother, Chairman United Way, Real Estate Salesperson, Board Member, Sunday School Teacher, and so on.

SELECTING GOALS. The next step is to think of two or three important results you feel you should accomplish in each role during the next seven days.

SCHEDULING. Now you can look at the week ahead with your goals in mind and schedule time to achieve them.

DAILY ADAPTING. With Quadrant II weekly organizing, daily planning becomes more of a function of daily adapting, or prioritizing activities and responding to unanticipated events, relationships, and experiences in a meaningful way.

Stephan Covey shares the following computer metaphor: Habit 1 says “You’re the programmer,” and Habit 2 says “Write the program,” then Habit 3 says, “Run or live the program.” The popularity of reacting to the urgent but unimportant priorities of other people in quadrant III or the pleasure of escaping to Quadrant IV will threaten to overpower the important Quadrant II activities you have planned.

If you have Habit 2 deeply ingrained in your heart and mind, you are driven by those higher values. You can align your schedule with those values with integrity, but you can also be flexible. You don’t need to feel guilty when you don’t meet your scheduled goals or when you have to change your schedule. When I don’t write down the goals I need or want to accomplish that week and make time for them, then I feel depressed or anxious.

For example, I have an overnight guest coming in a week. I have several tasks to complete to prepare for my visitor. I have to identify the tasks that I need to do, then I schedule them throughout the week, so when my guest comes, I am not anxious or depressed about what still needs to be done.

Healthy Beliefs to Put First Things First.

1. I will organize and execute around priorities.

2. I will not be problem-minded but opportunity-minded.

3. I will not react to the urgent but unimportant priorities of other people in Quadrant III or the pleasure of escaping to Quadrant IV.

4. I will think effectiveness with people and efficiency with things.

5. I will define my roles and goals for the week, then schedule those goals at the beginning of each week.

6. I will use stewardship delegation and focus on results instead of methods, or gofer delegation.

Conclusion

I have been writing about how to improve mental health this year. Go to my mental health page to read these posts.

Review Habit 1:

10 Ways to be Proactive Instead of Reactive

HOW TO BE PROACTIVE: cont.

Review Habit 2:

TWELVE WAYS TO ACHIEVE HEALTHY GOALS

Three ways to Unlock Your Potential: Achieving Goals Continued.

A MENTALLY HEALTHY PERSON IS PRINCIPLE-CENTERED.

THE GREATEST PRINCIPLE TO LIVE BY

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.