Mental Health – Page 2 – Hope for Complete Healing

Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People

What is a toxic person? The answer is simple, a toxic person is someone who has no control over their emotions and thoughts. This person is controlled by subconscious painful memories. You do not have to be fearful of out-of-control people but put your trust in God. The Bible says, God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind (see 1 Timothy 1:7). In this post, you will learn how to have power, love, and a sound mind so you can establish healthy boundaries. In my last post, I shared a study that described how felt love improves your well-being. Read it here: Are Your Relationships Improving Your Well-Being?. Being around negative, angry, fearful, and insecure people wear down your well-being.

You can find many articles on how to set-up boundaries for out-of-control people, so I won’t teach that here. I recommend the book called Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud, which I read when I was married to an abusive ex-husband. The instructions in the Boundaries book was very helpful, but I couldn’t set healthy boundaries because I was toxic and out of control myself. Then I read a book called Why Should I Be the First to Change? by Chuck and Nancy Missler, which transformed my victim mentality. In this post, you will learn why and how to change yourself before you can set healthy boundaries.

Have healthy beliefs about yourself so you can set healthy boundaries.
Love and respect yourself so you will maintain boundaries.
Apply the truths in God’s Word to heal your toxic emotions and your toxic relationships.

You cannot change how a person behaves, you can only change yourself. As you change, your unhealthy beliefs, then you can set healthy boundaries on the destructive behavior of others. Boundaries identify the problem, consequences, and the way to reconciliation. Boundaries help the emotionally unhealthy person see their need to change. You can pray for God to intervene and change the person, but God cannot change a person’s will if they do not want to surrender their lives to Him and do what the Bible says. Romans 8:7 tells us, “For the mind that is set on the flesh (sin and pleasing yourself) is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law (love); indeed, it cannot.” God’s law is love: Romans 13:10 states, “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” And, Galatians 5:14 states, “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.‘” (Also, read James 2:8.) Toxic people are focused on their on sinful, selfish desires and cannot love others well.

1. First, you must have healthy beliefs about yourself so you can set healthy boundaries.

Understand why you were attracted to a destructive person. For me, I grew up in an abusive home and had no sense of self-worth and no sense of how a healthy person thinks. When I first went to a psychologist who understood abuse and the damage it does to the soul, I learned I had an unhealthy belief that I did not deserve to be loved. And, because I did not love myself, I felt I deserved the abuse. I believed I needed to try harder. But I couldn’t because I was a toxic person as well. As a Christian, I saw my relationships were not loving according to the Bible. The Bible tells us the kind of love we are to have in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (ESV).” Does your life or relationships reflect this kind of healthy love?

Painful memories cause people to be toxic. Painful memories generate unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking, which shows in what we say and do. To be a healthy, loving person, you need to heal your painful memories and develop healthy beliefs about yourself, others, and even God. As your memories are healed, oppressive spirits are removed, and unhealthy beliefs are transformed by Biblical truth, then you can set healthy boundaries on your behavior and other’s behavior. I explain how to do this in my short book called, Hope for Complete Healing.

2. Love and respect yourself so you will maintain boundaries.

When I began to receive the love of God and learn to love myself, I began to see myself as valuable. I knew I needed to respect myself, but I couldn’t. So, I began to practice putting boundaries on my thoughts and emotions. But because I relied on my will-power, these boundaries only worked to a limited extent. Lasting change came when I healed my painful memories and transformed unhealthy beliefs. Desiring to love and respect myself forced me to seek God to show me my painful memories and to heal them. The Bible says I need to forgive those who sin against me as God has forgiven me. So, as I continued to forgive the unkind people in my life and focused on the things I could be thankful for, I felt peace and joy. When I saw the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, trust, and self-control in my life, then I could respect myself.

The following quote from Eleanore Roosevelt helped me in a hostile work environment, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Meaning, I can choose not to feel inferior by those who do not respect me and say unkind things. My psychologist explained that the things my ex-husband was saying about me did not represent the truth or reality. This helped me to not internalize the unkind things my ex-husband said to me. I was able to set a healthy boundary around my heart to not internalize unkind words and actions.

3. Apply the truths in God’s Word to heal your toxic emotions and toxic relationships.

Knowing Biblical truths, help you identify the problem and explain why you must set boundaries. Let the toxic person know you value them and the relationship. The person may get angry or anxious and will try to manipulate you or make you feel guilty, but don’t be afraid. Depending on God to help you is the only way to have the power to set boundaries and see lasting change. Be accountable to an older person who knows the truth of God’s Word and is secure enough to point out your wrong thinking.

Recently, I had to establish a separation boundary with a person I thought was my friend but who did not respect or honor me. This was hard to do because I thought I could help her. Helping hurting people is not a bad thing if they submit to God’s work in their hearts and minds and obey Him. Feeling the need to support and be loyal to unloving people makes a person co-dependent to that person. You can read many articles about co-dependency, so I will not cover that hot topic.

You can read how I trusted the promises of God during my divorce and custody battle in the post called Trust God to Keep His Promises.

If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

OTHER RELATED POSTS:

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words Produce Death or Life Energy

Are Your Relationships Improving Your Well-Being?

So, what is well-being and how do you improve it? Dictionary.com explains it as a state (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual) characterized by health, happiness, and prosperity. I told you in my last post, I was going to write about abusive relationships. This is a very hard topic to write, and though I have the experience, it is still very emotional and hard. Abuse destroys a person’s well-being. The opposite of abuse is love and not just love for the sake of love but felt love. I care about your well-being and the well-being of your family, which is why I have written a lot of posts on how to have a healthy relationship, see POSTS Related to Relationships. Also, read what healthy love is in Love From a Pure Heart.

So, what is felt love and how does it affect our well-being? I came across a research article about this topic, and I share it below.

Feeling loved in everyday life linked with improved well-being

Research suggests that those small, but important daily gestures of love and support may be connected with improved well-being. By Matt Swayne

November 25, 2019

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. — Poets and songwriters may tend to focus their artistry on passion and romance, but it may be those unsung, brief feelings of love throughout the day that are connected with psychological well-being, according to a team of researchers led by two Penn State Institute for Computational and Data Sciences (ICDS) researchers. They added that the findings could one day lead to interventions aimed at boosting well-being.

In two studies, the researchers found that people who experienced higher “felt love” — brief experiences of love and connection in everyday life — also had significantly higher levels of psychological well-being, which includes feelings of purpose and optimism, compared to those who had lower felt love scores. They also found that people with higher felt love tended to have higher extroversion personality scores, while people with lower felt love scores were more likely to show signs of neuroticism.

“We took a very broad approach when we looked at love,” said Zita Oravecz, assistant professor of human development and family studies and ICDS faculty co-hire. “Everyday felt love is conceptually much broader than romantic love. It’s those micro-moments in your life when you experience resonance with someone. For example, if you’re talking to a neighbor and they express concern for your well-being, then you might resonate with that and experience it as a feeling of love, and that might improve your well-being.”

According to the researchers, the baseline of the subjects’ felt love experiences, in general, rose throughout the study, suggesting that the nudges to recognize examples of love and connection during the study may also have gradually increased the subjects’ overall sense of being loved. Stronger experiences of felt love, in turn, are associated with improvements in psychological well-being.

“It’s something that we’ve seen in the literature on mindfulness, when people are reminded to focus attention on positive things, their overall awareness of those positive things begins to rise,” said Oravecz. “Similarly, just by paying attention to those everyday moments of felt love, we may also increase our awareness of the overall positive aspects of love in our daily lives. This effect replicates in both studies, implying that raising awareness of felt love in day-to-day life may itself be an intervention that raises levels of felt love over a longer period of time.”

The researchers, who report their findings in the current issue of Personality and Individual Differences, added that because the studies have only shown a correlation between felt love and well-being, more research would be needed to establish a causal relationship. If a firmer connection is established, the researchers said possible interventions could be designed, such as sending regular reminders to a person’s smartphone to draw attention to the felt love that they may be experiencing in that moment to raise psychological well-being. Similar interventions have been designed for mindfulness and gratitude.

The team relied on smartphone technology to gather data from participants throughout their everyday lives. In the first study, they recruited 52 people of various ages. The second study consisted of 160 undergraduate students. Participants received six random prompts throughout the day over a four-week period to assess felt love and well-being, according to Timothy Brick, assistant professor of human development and family studies and ICDS co-hire. He added that sending these messages randomly throughout the day was critical to manage the possible effects of expectation bias.

“It’s important from a research point-of-view,” said Brick. “If the participants expect a call or a text at a certain time of day, they are no longer reacting to what’s going on in their daily life but are expecting the prompt and reacting to that expectation.”

Gathering data multiple times throughout the day from more than 200 subjects over a month can produce a lot of data, said Brick. Also, these everyday experiences of love tend to fluctuate during the study, which can result in what the researchers termed “noisy” data.

“It’s often very difficult to measure psychological quantities because we don’t always have a great idea about what’s going on in our own heads,” said Brick.

Oravecz added, “But with the right statistical methods, we can start to get at questions about difficult constructs like love or compassion, and hopefully build interventions to promote them.”

To analyze this large amount of noisy data, the researchers used nuanced statistical tools. According to Oravecz, the researchers specifically used a Bayesian latent stochastic differential equations model to cut through the noise in the data and identify processes happening underneath. This method is especially suited to help scientists investigate intricate social systems, which often involve relationships that generate complex, highly variable data, she said.

According to the researchers, this statistical method may be used more as social scientists begin to gather large amounts of real-world data from sensors on wearable devices. The researchers used computational resources of ICDS’s advanced computer infrastructure for their analysis.

The team also included Jessica Dirsmith, clinical assistant professor of education, Duquesne University; Saeideh Heshmati, assistant professor of psychology, Claremont Graduate University; and Joachim Vandekerckhove, associate professor of cognitive sciences, University of California Irvine.

This research was supported by the John Templeton Foundation.

Being Thankful During Hardships

How does being thankful help me? No one can escape hardships, it is part of living in an imperfect world. We can’t choose our hardships either, but we can choose how we respond. Viktor Frankl, a Nazi concentration camp survivor, wrote a book called Man’s Search for Meaning. The following is a quote, “Even in the degradation and abject misery of a concentration camp, Frankl was able to exercise the most important freedom of all – the freedom to determine one’s own attitude and spiritual well-being. No sadistic Nazi SS guard was able to take that away from him or control the inner-life of Frankl’s soul.” Though your hardship may not compare to torture in a concentration camp, hardships cause you to focus on your loss, which causes stress on your mind and body. I must admit, it is hard to be thankful if you are in an abusive relationship. I will write more concerning this in the next post. Please understand, Satan wants you to stay focused on your hardship and bring destruction in your life (see John 10:10). To learn more, read: Four Realities of the Spirit World

No matter the hardship, we can be thankful for something. Being thankful is an inner-life attitude that determines if we rise above our problems or sink deeper into despair. You see, it is God’s will for you to be thankful in all circumstances (see 1Thes. 5:18 and Eph. 5:20). If you find it hard to be thankful, call out to God for help (see Hebrews 4:14-16). If you want to experience peace amid your hardship, then do what the Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:6,7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” When I am thankful for God’s love, provision, mercy, and grace and trust Him to take care of my problems, I feel peace and joy. When I focus on my negative thoughts, I became anxious and stressed again. The Bible says God gives us hope, Romans 15:13 states, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Also, peace and joy remove the effects of stress in our bodies and minds.

Hardships are the main cause of offenses and resentments, which come from wrong thoughts of unfairness. If you don’t capture and loose these wrong thoughts, they will generate negative feelings and your negative feelings will produce false beliefs, which then direct destructive behaviors like anger fits, drinking, doing drugs, hurting others or yourself, depression, etc. Being thankful transforms wrong thoughts and results in peace and joy despite the hardship. I heard from a missionary to China, that the Christian Chinese people are joyful despite their hardships when many times everything is taken from them and they are put in jail.

During my job loss, I focused on God’s goodness, faithfulness, loving-kindness, and how He will cause all things to work together for my good. Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Abuse and loss through death are different because that involves a loss of love, which I will cover in the next post. Being thankful and focused on God and not your loss will fill you with peace and joy. Read my story in Trust God to Keep His Promises and how I experienced many miracles despite my loss in divorce.

So, what can we be thankful for? You can begin with the following 15 promises. To learn more about each promise read 15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep.

We are saved from sin and death and have the hope of eternal life.
God forgives all your sins and cleanses you from all unrighteousness when you confess your sin.
God will never leave you nor forsake you because He loves you.
You are more than a conqueror through Christ who loves you, and nothing will separate you from His love.
God’s plans for you are for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
God will cause all things to work together for good according to His purpose for those that love Him.
God will supply all your needs according to His riches.
When we come to God and do what He says, we will dwell secure and will find rest, without the dread of disaster.
God is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability to bear it. With the temptation, He will provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
God gives power and strength and helps us when we trust Him.
God is doing a new thing in your life, and He will make a way where there is no way.
God’s peace will guard your heart and your mind when you trust Him in every situation and pray with thanksgiving as you present your requests to Him.
If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us and if we know He hears us in whatever we ask; we know we have the requests we have asked of Him.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Practice makes perfect. Practice being thankful every day so when hardships come you can be thankful and not let the hardship steal your peace and joy.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

RELATED POSTS:

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Victorious Thinking to Live a Successful Life

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

A child has no filter when they speak. A child will speak whatever is on their mind. As adults, we think it is cute. When an adult has no filter, it is not cute, just offensive. Self-control begins in your mind. Your mind determines what you think, perceive, feel, and believe, which influences your decisions and behaviors. Your mind stores memories of the past and present that controls your thoughts and feelings. So, to be self-controlled we must transform our minds.

My last two posts explain how and why childhood issues need to be transformed so we can be self-controlled. The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control and Self-control and Maturity.

Do you know what is in your mind? What you think? How you feel?

To transform your mind, you first must become aware of what is in your mind. Since God is the all-knowing Spirit who created us, ask Him to show you, because He knows all your thoughts and ways. Psalm 139:1-4 state, “O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2) You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3) You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4) Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.” Jeremiah 17:9,10 state, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10) ‘I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.’” Also read Revelations 2:23. If you do not want to be rewarded according to your evil thoughts, then you need to ask God to reveal them, so you can repent and put them out of your mind. Remember, we reap a lot more than we sow (see Galatians 6:7,8). Psalm 139:23,24 state, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!”

How do we transform our minds?

The bible says a lot about how we are to think and be self-controlled in all areas of our life. In fact, Romans 12:2 tells us “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Transforming your mind happens as you look to Jesus for help as you read the Scriptures. Transform means to take another form and renew means to make new. The phrase, “that by testing you may discern” is also translated in the King James Version as “that you may prove.” The meaning of these two phrases is commonly applied to testing the quality of metals by fire. Spiritually, these two phrases indicate, as your mind is renewed you will be able to pass the test and understand the will of God, and what is written in the Bible. So, as your mind is renewed you will become more self-controlled and will be able to love well. My short-book on my website explains the scientific and spiritual research for why and how to transform our minds to achieve a self-controlled life.

How to control your tongue.

When we control how we think with the help of God, then we can control how we speak, and be mature. This can only be done by continually abiding with Jesus in the heavenly places through prayer, which can be accomplished by turning every thought into a prayer. See my post called, Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

The Bible says we are to bridle our tongue to control it, like we bridle a horse to control it. James 1:26 states, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” And, James 3:2,3 state, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle (control) his whole body. 3) If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.” Some people have problems gossiping, complaining, being critical, and arguing. Why? How can we live blameless lives before God (Philippians 1:9-11)?

(Update: I know I am being vulnerable, but I hope it helps you in some way. A few days after I posted this, I wrote a negative venting email to my friend while under the control of my feelings, and spoke negative about my someone. I felt the conviction to not write what I did (should have heeded the Holy Spirit), but I did it anyway. At 4:30 a.m. the next morning, God put His finger on my heart about it. I repented and ask Him what I could do to not let my feelings control my responses. God said (paraphrase), talk to Him first. A few hours later, I had the opportunity to do just that. I prayed about a difficult situation I was getting emotional about and WOW, it worked. I was able to respond logically and under the Holy Spirit’s control.)

It is one thing to know the right thing to do and say, but another thing to do it. For example, I wrote a helpful post called Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without so I know what I should be thinking, now I need to discipline myself to do this daily. You can never be perfect at something unless you practice all the time. You have my permission to print out my post on “Thoughts that Create Peace Within and Without” to practice training your mind. The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:9:^“What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.“

When events don’t go as planned is stressful, and we sometimes, or often, lose self-control of our feelings and do and say things we shouldn’t. The next time you are tempted to lose control of your emotions, excuse yourself from the situation and answer the following questions to bridle your tongue before your mouth spills hurtful words.

What is the expectation not being met? (Take a deep breath and accept the disappointment and the fact that not everything will go the way you want it to.)

What are the wrong thoughts I need to capture and loose from my mind? (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you. It may not be right away, but He will.)
What is the false belief or offense driving my thoughts, which need to be loosed from my mind? (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you, and the memory that needs to be healed.)
What is the problem that needs to be solved?
What are some solutions?
What are Biblical truths I can bind to my mind to renew it and transform my attitude.
What can I be thankful for?

There is hope for complete transformation of your reactions when you depend on God to show what is in your mind and seek His help to renew your mind through the Holy Scriptures. You can be self-controlled in what you say as your mind is transformed by God’s love.

Helpful posts to read:

POSTS on Thoughts

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Psalm 91:5-6 – DO NOT FEAR THE UNSEEN

When we find refuge under the wings of God’s truth and faithfulness, we do not have to fear the unseen. To fear is to feel anxious or agitated by the presence or nearness of real or imagined danger, evil, pain, etc.

Psalms 91:5-6 states, “You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day; 6) nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.”

Albert Barnes wrote in his commentary that the Septuagint (one of the first Bible translations) and the Latin Vulgate interpret verse six as “Nor of mischance and the demon of noonday.” Mischance means an unfortunate accident or bad luck. I believe the earlier translations are closer to the original text because I see this Psalm describing how we are protected from the demonic spirits that attack our minds. Also, I interpret the terror of the night as bad dreams and discomforts Satan puts on us while we sleep. The next two testimonies illustrate this.

Mark Brubeck believes that many afflictions are from demonic attacks. In his book, The Adversary, he wrote the following account. His daughter was 11 years old when she became afflicted by fears, physical nausea, and colitis symptoms at bedtime, which became progressively worse as the night went on. Medical professionals could not help her. Mark and his wife suspected demons were to blame. So, they prayed over her commanding the demon(s) causing the fear, nausea, colitis, destruction, and deception to come out of her. The demon(s) left her, and she had no more fear and digestive issues during the night. Brubeck believes Satan will use every opportunity we give him to claim ground against us. Fear opens our mind to allow demons to access our emotions and physical health. So, we should verbally pronounce God’s protection over our minds.

Maxwell Whyte shared the following incident in his book, Demons & Deliverance, of a demonic attack that happened to him and his wife. One night, he felt his life was being choked out of him to the point of near death. He wrote that he cried “the blood” three times, and a demon departed. The next night the same thing happened to his wife, and she called on the blood of Christ. Whyte believes no demon can afflict those who apply by faith the blood of Christ and testify of God’s protection (see Revelations 12:11). Remember, our words have power, especially when we use the name of Jesus and the authority, we have in Him. I explain this in greater detail in the book listed on this website. 2–Removing Blocks to Healing

I interpret the arrow that flies by day as the lies and accusations Satan shoots into our minds (see Ephesians 6:14-17). He also puts false beliefs into our minds that do not line up with the truth of God’s Word. The pestilence that stalks in darkness is the shameful allurements Satan uses to cause us to want to sin. Remember, all actions begin with a thought, which we can take captive and make it obey Christ Jesus. We don’t see deception coming, but if we continually hide in the shelter of God through prayer, praise, pondering, and believing the truth, then we won’t fear because we will be under His protection.

Fear should alert us that we are not praying and trusting God. Fear is believing and confessing wrong thoughts and false beliefs. 2 Corinthians 5:7 states, “for we walk by faith, not by sight.” Faith is the opposite of fear. Faith finds refuge in the promises and truths of God. On the other hand, fear focuses on the problem which makes us vulnerable to being wounded in our souls.

For example, David did not deny the existence of the giant (see 1 Samuel 17). He compared the size of the giant to the size of God. By faith David chose to believe the promises of God and defeated the giant. In the same way, Satan attempts to paralyze us with fear so that we lose our confidence in God. The story of David and Goliath is a classic example of being paralyzed by fear. Goliath used the power of his words to intimidate and inflict terror on the Israeli army, which immobilized them.

The prophet Elijah was paralyzed by fear when Jezebel vowed to kill him after he had slaughtered the Baal prophets on Mt. Carmel (see 1 Kings 18). Ironically, he became fearful after God demonstrated His power on Mt. Carmel. What did he fear? Did he not believe God could deliver him from the hand of Jezebel? Words have power, and they create thoughts in our minds which then control our emotions and actions. We can take those thoughts captive by loosing them and binding in the truths found in the Word of God.

[!] Do you find yourself being immobilized by a fear that prevents you from being able to reason normally?

Fears can be overwhelming. Most fears, especially irrational fears, originating from what we watch on TV or in the movies, or what we read. For example, irrational fear controls the decisions of people who are preparing for the worst disasters that may never happen.

!! Ask God to show you any words spoken or things you have seen that cause you to fear.

!! Use the power of your words to loose the memory of these words or images from your mind.

Read through all the Psalms and note every passage related to protection, deliverance from troubles, and God as our refuge. This exercise will greatly encourage you and strengthen your faith.

Related Posts:

Four Realities of the Spirit World

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

We learned in the last two posts that our thoughts control our destiny, and we can control our thoughts. Please read my previous two posts if you haven’t already. In this post, I want to share more specifically how to control your thoughts. In the post called ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL, I explained how I tend to let my thinking go to extremes of anger, and then to worry. I use the truths in the Bible for my inspiration because it is the authority for how we should think. How we think dictates how well we love.

To break my negative thought cycles, I would consciously choose to “rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and in everything give thanks for this is God’s will” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). To rejoice always is to choose to focus your thoughts continually on things that make you glad, happy, or delighted. Rejoice in Jesus and how you are forgiven and free from the control of sin, etc. Rejoice in the fact that God is faithful, and nothing is impossible with Him.

Next, pray without ceasing by turning every thought into a prayer. If you think of someone, pray for them. If you are upset about something, ask God to help you forgive or whatever you need God to do. If you are tempted to give in to your fleshly desires, pray for help to resist. By praying we are practicing the presence of God in our lives as Brother Lawrence teaches.

In everything give thanks, which does not leave anything out. Have an attitude of gratitude. Imagine, if you rejoice, pray, and be thankful all the time, you would never be depressed, miserable, angry, etc. When I focus my thoughts on these three things, I feel peaceful, so I don’t act miserably and make others miserable. Breaking negative thought cycles takes work and discipline, but it is well worth it.

The Apostle Paul also taught the Philippians how to safeguard their minds. In Philippians 4:4-8 he lays out four ways to create a healthy thought life.

Have an attitude of praise and gratitude. “Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Phil. 4:4 NIV) – To rejoice in the Lord always is to worship the Lord and all He is with thanksgiving. Philippians 3:1 also states, “Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. …it is a safeguard for you.” A safeguard is a protective stipulation. Rejoicing protects our minds from destructive thoughts of anger, malice, envy, worry, fear, etc. Things to rejoice and be glad for, and be thankful for, can be found in Who God is — Daily A-C-T-S Prayers, I encourage you to add this page to your favorite list and visit this page daily.
Let prayer occupy your thoughts all the time, especially during times of emotional stress. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Phil. 4:6 NIV). Also, Ephesians 6:18 states, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions (all the time) with all kinds of prayers and requests.” So, how do we pray in the Spirit all the time? It is our spirit with the Holy Spirit in us that prays through our minds to God. Read Four Realities of the Spirit World to learn about the interactions of the spirit world. You can also pray in the spirit through a spiritual language you receive when you pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to fill you (see Acts 19:6 and 1 Corinthians 14:2&14). Prayer with thanksgiving is a way to productively channel your emotional energy. If you tend to worry or be angry, then read the following posts to learn how to be free to choose different thoughts and break the cycle: Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds and ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds
Choose where you let your thoughts dwell. You have control of your thoughts, so use that control to your benefit and the benefit of others. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble (honorable), whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” (Phil. 4:8 NIV emphasis added) – Be proactive about your thought life! Choose to think true and positive thoughts described in this verse. Write down an example for each type of thought that would pertain to your life. For example:

True thoughts are based on what you read in the Bible, so focus on scriptural truths about yourself, others, God, and the world around you. My short book on this website has over 100 true thoughts to think on.
Noble or honorable thoughts could be thoughts about what you can do to help others or to show kindness to a crabby person, or show love to someone who is difficult to love, etc.
Right thoughts could be thoughts about what is good and what you like about a person or something. For example, I must walk a ½ mile to my office building from where I park. When the weather is crappy, it is hard to have right thoughts. Right thoughts are to think of the good exercise I am getting that I wouldn’t get otherwise, the fresh air I am breathing to detoxify my lungs and body, more time to pray, etc.
Pure thoughts could be thinking good about people and not judgmental thoughts. Choose to think pure thoughts about the opposite sex, instead of obscene thoughts. Choose to view movies and TV shows or read material that generate pure thoughts. In Psalms 101:3a, King David said, “I will set no worthless thing before my eyes;” Make this verse your priority to protect your mind from wicked and evil words and images, so your thoughts remain pure.
Lovely thoughts could be thinking about someone you love or thinking about how much God loves you that He would send His son to die and atone for our sin. And how His son, Jesus, would willingly do this for ungrateful people who reject Him.
Admirable thoughts could be thoughts that marvel at God’s creation, goodness, and mercy. Or, think about things that are done excellently, like a beautiful garden or some other good works.

Your thoughts determine the beliefs and attitudes of your heart. When you practice thinking the thoughts listed above your mind is at peace, and you will be at peace with others and life. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:7 NIV) – This verse is conditional and is based on following the previous principles of thinking. So, when you rejoice, pray, be thankful, and think good thoughts, you are inviting God into your thought life and valuing yourself and others.

Thoughts come from all directions. Thoughts come from our experiences and the words we read and hear. I wrote two posts about the power of our words and how they influence us.

WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words

WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words produce death or life energy

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Has this ever happened to you? My son finished his fourth year of college out of five and it is not cool to talk to his mom. I find out from my husband that he received two awards, one was for having the highest GPA in Architectural Engineering. So, I took offense and I thought, well, why didn’t he tell me when I asked what has been happening in his life. Why wasn’t I invited to the awards ceremony? Who was invited instead of me? My thoughts kept going like a fire. I could not sleep; I woke up depressed. All my muscles were tense with anxiety. I had the unhealthy belief that my son did not love me. I believed he will shut me out of his life, and I will never see my grandchildren. BOO-HOO. This example is only a smattering of how my thoughts quickly got out of control.

I know all thoughts are within my control. So, I told myself to STOP thinking those wrong thoughts and taking an offense. I talked to myself and acknowledged that I was disappointed because my expectations were not met, but that doesn’t mean it is the end of our relationship. The Bible teaches us to forgive, rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and be thankful in everything. I refocused my thoughts on good thoughts and what I can be thankful for. I prayed and asked God to take my anxious thoughts and unhealthy beliefs from me and the resulting stress energy. I felt better immediately.

I decided to text my son to let him know I was disappointed when I was not invited to the awards ceremony and how proud I was of his achievement. He called me right away and told me (in a funny way) to get over myself and stop my pity party because the awards ceremony was not open to family and friends. I had a good laugh at myself. By that time, I accepted that those we love will disappoint us, and we will disappoint them.

So, where did those wrong thoughts originate? I asked God to show me where those thoughts flowed from. He showed me that I was feeling insecure about my relationship with my son, and my insecure feelings generated my wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs. Could an unseen evil spirt have planted the thoughts that make me feel insecure? What is generating your thoughts? Hurt feelings, insecurity, disappointments, unmet expectations, etc. My short book on my website helps you to discover the sources of wrong thinking. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

I know the topic of thoughts is vast and mind-boggling, but my research is specific to the influence of unseen spiritual forces that affect our thinking. Thinking about what controls our thinking and how our thoughts influence us is hard enough, now I have added the unseen spirit world. The Bible records many instances of how the devil influences people’s thinking. I use Biblical accounts because the Bible was written by God, as He influenced men’s minds to record His words. Therefore, the Bible is the authority on spiritual and relational issues. To learn more about who God is and the unseen spirit forces around us, read my post called, Four Realities of the Spirit World.

The following Biblical account is the first example of planted thoughts, which most of you already know or have heard of it. God created Adam and Eve in a garden and told them not to eat from the tree in the center of the garden. Satan (an evil spirit) takes the form of a serpent and climbs the forbidden tree. He causes Eve to doubt what God told her is the truth about dying. The devil tempted her to eat the forbidden fruit by enticing her to desire it and then persuaded her that if she eats it, she will be like God, knowing good and evil (see Genesis 3:4). This thought appealed to her pride. Interesting, the devil’s sin was pride, because he also wanted to be independent of God, which broke his relationship with God. The wrong thought then caused Eve to look at the fruit and desire to eat it. Her desire then compelled her to sin and eat the fruit. This process shows how unseen wrong thinking led to disobedience and separation from God.

Temptations also create thoughts of offense, which then generate unhealthy, false beliefs. Satan’s temptation may have caused Eve to think and believe: “How could a loving God keep such a beautiful piece of fruit from me?” and “Why should Adam and I not know good from evil and be like God?”

?? What were Eve’s mistakes?

Her first mistake was to reason with the serpent (the devil). Her second mistake was to consider disobeying God. The third mistake was to entertain the wrong thought and be enticed to look at and desire the fruit. And the ultimate mistake was to give into her fleshly desire and disobey God’s good and just command. The devil still uses the same temptation of living independent of God on all of humanity.

Until we recognize our thoughts and rule over them, they will continually control our beliefs, feelings, behavior, and destiny. We daily face temptations that appeal to our self-centered desires to live independent of God. Satan has not changed his tactics since tempting Eve. All unseen battles begin as a thought that is within our control. The girls in the prison system were told that if they withstand temptation for seven seconds, they can overcome the temptation. I encourage them to replace the wrong thought creating the desire for the harmful activity with a healthy thought based on Scriptural truth.

?? How do our thoughts dictate our actions?

My mind used to be controlled by thoughts of fear, which would cause my adrenaline to go up. Before I could stop it, I was in a panic—over nothing—except thoughts that needed to be taken captive. And because of all the conflicts from my past, I realized I was constantly in a flight or fight mode, which created stress in my body. I would sometimes imagine a confrontation with someone that would never happen. I would get all upset and angry because of wrong thoughts, which needed to be taken captive and loosed from my mind.

To learn more about dealing with unhealthy beliefs read: Identify and Replace False Beliefs.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).