Chat – Page 4 – Hope for Complete Healing

Three ways to Unlock Your Potential: Achieving Goals Continued

Do you ever say you can’t do that, or that I am not good enough? You may think you can’t do something, but why do you believe that? Often, our unhealthy beliefs cripple our ability to achieve great goals. I had a goal of being a Data Processing Instructor. When I told my mother I wanted to go to college, she said I was too stupid. That could have ended my teaching ambitions.

What Prevents You From Achieving Your Goals?

In my previous post, “Twelve Ways to Achieve Healthy Goals,” I explained how to write a mission statement and the goals to achieve your mission in life. In this post, I aim to help you overcome the unhealthy beliefs that hinder your ability to achieve your desired goals. The following three statements outline how we often get stuck and fail to achieve goals, and how to think differently.

I will use my unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, and conscience to examine old scripts and write new ones.
I will live out of my imagination instead of my memory.
I will tie myself to my limitless potential, rather than my limiting past.

What keeps us from achieving our goals? Living out of old scripts from memories where people limited your abilities. When you were a child, you may not remember exactly what people said or how they limited you, but the actions created an unhealthy belief that you internalized. These unhealthy beliefs dictate scripts that control your thoughts and ultimately your destiny.

How I Overcame My Limiting Past.

I grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional home and in poverty. The house was built in 1890 and was full of lead and asbestos. All these factors limited my brain’s ability to grow in intelligence. I knew I could be smart because both my parents were very intelligent. I strongly believed my environment restricted my ability to achieve and be mentally healthy. I dissociated for several years to cope with the abuse. I struggled to learn and had to take remedial reading classes in 7^th and 8^th grade.

It is a good thing I am goal oriented because I could have believed my mother’s words and adopted that mentality, but I didn’t. In my post called HOW TO BE PROACTIVE: cont. I explained why I pursued an education degree to become a Computer Science teacher.

About 30 years later, God put it in my heart to continue my education. I didn’t know what subject. He led me to pursue a master’s degree in Adult Education and developing distance education courses. I loved designing curriculum, so I felt that it was a good fit. But I still had the unhealthy belief that I was stupid and couldn’t learn, and it had been 30 years since I was in school. God led me to read the book “Switching on Your Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf. In that book, she explained neuroplasticity and how the brain can grow, and how we limit our potential. She stated that we have the mind of Christ (1Cor. 2:16). If I possess the mind of Christ, I am exceptionally intelligent as He created the Universe and everything known and unknown in our world. I changed my unhealthy belief to the truth of God’s word. I used my unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, and conscience to examine old scripts and write new ones. I applied to graduate school, was accepted, and got straight As. I completed a post-baccalaureate certificate in distance education because my university’s layoff removed my tuition benefit.

How to Change Old Scripts and Unleash Limitless Potential.

I asked God what He wanted me to do after I am laid off, and He said, “Write a book.” I thought, “No way. I can’t write. I have no idea what to write. Who would read something I would write?” These and many other unhealthy beliefs kept me from obeying God. When I shared what God told me and my thoughts with a godly old man, he said, “Be like Gideon.” Those words were so powerful and life-giving. If you haven’t read the story about Gideon or it’s been a while, I encourage you to read it (Judges 6-7). Words have power, which I explain in the posts WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words and WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words Produce Death or Life Energy.

I discovered later why God wanted me to take writing-intensive graduate classes. These classes forced me to learn how to write, and in the process, I read many grammar books. I also discovered Grammarly.com. When I asked God what He wanted me to write about, and He said, “You already wrote it.” I was like “What?” He showed me that He wanted me to turn my prison Bible Study notes and my testimony of Complete Healing into a published book. I ended up writing two books, which I list at the end of this post. That was when God told me to create a website to write blogs and share my testimony book “Hope for Complete Healing” with anyone who wanted to read it. Take inventory of what you believe about your abilities, then look for scriptures to rewrite those scripts.

Conclusion

Many people have taken their limits and turned them around when they believed in God’s ability to help them, and having people around who encouraged them. Check out Joni Eareckson Tada’s story and marvel at how she allowed God to use her paraplegic body. You can read about her in Joni Eareckson Tada Shares Her New Resolve After 55 Years in a Wheelchair. Also research the achievements of Helen Keller, who was born blind and deaf. You may have physical limits, but you don’t have to live according to old scripts and unhealthy beliefs.

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

TWELVE WAYS TO ACHIEVE HEALTHY GOALS

Have you ever wondered what people would think about you once you’re gone? Are you tired of never achieving your ideal life? Do you struggle to stay focused on achieving your goals? I have noticed how mentally unhealthy people live a chaotic life, and they go from one crisis to another. Your life may not be that bad, but is it your best? What could you improve? This post will explain how to set and achieve goals and live your healthiest, best life.

A mentally healthy person thinks grateful, productive thoughts. Before my memory healing, I could not control my thoughts because my unhealthy beliefs from hurtful memories controlled my thoughts. I could not have a healthy relationship with anyone. Since healing my memories, I can now take my pitiful, negative thoughts captive and transform them into positive, thankful thoughts. You may think you had a wonderful childhood, and that could be the case, but we live in a sinful, hurting world. No one evades getting a wounded heart. Often, a positive attitude hides the wounds, but they still exist and contribute to mental illness. One goal is to achieve mental health by healing the wounds in your heart.

After leaving my abusive husband, I had a goal to know how a mentally healthy person acts. I knew I was part of the problem and needed to change. But how? Going to counseling, church, Bible Studies, and reading my Bible did not change how I thought; I just felt more guilty. One of the books I read was Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey. In my last two posts, I discussed the first habit: being proactive and taking the initiative. The second habit is cultivating thoughts to achieve a desired outcome.

The first thought discipline of the 12 ways changed the trajectory of my life. I wanted to be seen as a kind person, not an angry one. What would people say about me at my funeral? As I reflected on how people perceive me, I began to make a conscious choice to make emotionally healthy choices. However, I first had to heal the hurtful memories that kept me angry. I explain how I did this in my book, Breaking Mental Strongholds, and in my website book, which is a condensed version.

I consolidated the second habit into twelve disciplines and right beliefs. I highly recommend reading Stephen Covey’s book to learn how I developed these twelve healthy ways of thinking to achieve your best life.

HABIT 2―Begin with the End in Mind

“By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole.” Stephen Covey.

I will keep the end of my life clearly in my mind. What do I want others to say at my funeral?
I will make sure my life contributes each day in a meaningful way to the vision of my life.
I will use my unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, and conscience to examine old scripts and write new ones.
I will determine if my ladder is leaning against the right wall.
I will live out of my imagination instead of my memory.
I will tie myself to my limitless potential, rather than my limiting past.
I will develop and use a personal mission statement based on sound (Biblical) principles.
I will be principle-centered, not spouse-centered, family-centered, money-centered, work-centered, possession-centered, pleasure-centered, friend-centered, enemy-centered, church-centered, or self-centered. I will be Christ-centered, showing love to everyone.
As a principle-centered person, I will try to separate myself from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that might affect me and evaluate the options.
I will imagine myself practicing my personal mission statement.
I will define goals for each of my roles according to the principles in my mission statement to achieve a balance.
I will develop and use a family mission statement to improve my family and our response to crisis.

Example of a Mission Statement?

A mission is setting goals to achieve something or create a desired outcome. For example, I produced the following personal mission statements and explained how to accomplish them.

My guiding principle is 2 Corinthians 5:10, which states, “For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” What I do will have eternal value or contribute to it.

My life will reflect the following principles: 2Corinthians 5:14a&15b, which states, “For the love of Christ controls us (me), … those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.”

In my work, I will pray for those I work with and be kind in what I say and do.
In my home, I will give preference to my family’s interests and desires; Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
I will encourage my family to love God and to pursue holiness as I show them love and live in peace with them; Ephesians 4:2-3, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
In my church family, I will value my brothers and sisters in Christ by acknowledging them, saying a kind word, or doing a kind deed. I will testify to the power of God’s Word to transform my life and their lives.

I will be heavenly-minded and not worldly-minded.

I will seek to support Christian missions in growing the kingdom of God.
I will fill my mind with scripture and memorize it so I do not sin: Psalm 119:11, “I have hidden Your Word in my heart, so that I might not sin against You.”
I will not view worthless things that do not inspire me to do good and love well. (see Ps. 119:37, Ps 101:3).
I will do 1Thessalonians 5:16-18 to.

Rejoice always by thinking on the things above—Col. 3:1-3;

pray without ceasing and turn every thought into a prayer;

give thanks in all circumstances and not grumble or complain because I am His workmanship—Ephesians 2:10 and Philippians 2:13.

I will not seek to fulfill the desires that draw me away from my devotion to God.
I will not desire worldly possessions beyond reasonable needs.

I will make my time count for eternity.

To bless others through serving them as Christ did when He was on this earth (Matt. 20:28; Phil 2:3-7).
Seek and save the lost (Luke 19:1) by leading people to a saving knowledge of Christ Jesus through my blog, at the County jail, and Good News Clubs. 1John 4:17 states, “By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world.”
Teach Sunday School.
Hand out New Testament Bibles and be a good witness of the love of Christ.

I wrote the above mission statement in 1999 after reading about Habit 2. I still live by this mission. I hope and pray you found this post helpful and encouraging.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

HOW TO BE PROACTIVE: cont.

Would you change anything about yourself or your life? Making changes is risky, and doing something hard is scary. You may fail, but you will never know the possibilities if you don’t take the risk. Being proactive means you evaluate your options, the risks, and the possibilities. You then make a decision based on your evaluation and desired outcomes. Being proactive means you take the initiative to make things happen even when it does not make sense or is difficult. In my last post, I shared the 10 ways to be proactive, the first being, “I can choose my response.” “I will use proactive language: ‘I choose to be thankful.’ ‘I am in control of my feelings and will forgive.’ ‘Let’s look at the alternatives.’” In this post, I will explain how to apply the other ways to be proactive.

Proactively Achieve Desirable Outcomes

Proverbs 10:4 states, “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” Being proactive requires diligence even when it is hard. I wanted to go to college even though I wasn’t smart. My mother said I was too dumb. I applied anyway and was accepted. I had to take the SAT twice to get the minimum score to be accepted into college. Another traumatic issue was that my mother did not support me or help me in any way. I had to drive myself to college when all the other students had their parents bring them. I also had to work part-time to pay my bills. This experience was tough, but I learned I can do anything I set my mind to doing with God’s help. I never gave up. I am happy I proactively took the risk to attend college because many great opportunities were available. Are you diligent in doing things that are hard to achieve something desirable?

Do you want to change a sinful habit or addiction? It is tough to break sinful patterns and addictions. Ephesians 4:22-24 explains, “To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Rather than living a defeated life because of my old life, I proactively sought counselors, read self-help books, memorized scriptures, and prayed. I still struggled with my sinful behaviors, but I kept striving for a solution. Then I discovered the power of healing my trauma memories, forgiving, and giving up unhealthy beliefs and negative thoughts to live a new life. Facing my trauma and forgiving those who hurt me was hard, but the outcome was freedom. I can now feel love, joy, peace, be patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, and self-controlled.

Focus On What You Can Do, Change, and Influence.

You can only change yourself and influence others who want to change. When I became more like Christ, my husband changed as well. You can influence those around you through kindness and living in peace with them. But if someone is not willing to change, you cannot change that circumstance. Proverbs 12:18 explains, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” You can change your physical position and attitude (beliefs) toward a hurtful person. You can proactively choose different friends and activities.

Proverbs 12:26a states, “One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor.” Your neighbor is anyone you can be kind to or patient with and have a positive influence on. For example, if someone is being abusive, a spouse, boss, co-worker, or friend, you can proactively tell them how their actions are hurtful. Then, set boundaries and not associate with them if they continue to be unloving and abusive. You can also stay in forgiveness and peace by not allowing their weakness to control your thoughts. Remember, thoughts determine your feelings, beliefs, and behavior. A hurtful, abusive person is acting out of the trauma of their childhood.

Being Proactive is About Making Good Choices.

Before making good choices, you must understand what drives you to make bad choices. One source is your sinful flesh. James 1:14-15 declares, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. ¹⁵Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” If this is the case, James 4:7 explains how to make a good choice: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” It is a good choice to put off your old sinful nature through prayer and put on your new self of love to be like Christ (Col. 3:1-17).

Another source that leads you to make bad choices is your past unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking, which were programmed in your heart by traumatic events. You can proactively choose to be more loving by changing from the inside out through the power of prayer and forgiveness, which heals your memories and changes unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking. You accomplish this by first submitting to God, resisting the devil, and putting off unhealthy beliefs and destructive thoughts that influence you to make bad choices.

A Proactive Person Admits Their Mistakes and Corrects Them.

Do you desire to have healthy relationships with people? If you make a mistake, you can proactively admit and correct it. For example, if you were rude or not patient with someone, you can humbly admit you were wrong and apologize. If you lied about something, you must admit it and tell the truth to restore your integrity. If you lose your temper, confess your sin to God and the person, then seek God to show you what childhood trauma needs to be healed through forgiveness or what unhealthy beliefs need to be changed. Read my website book to learn more about how to do this.

May God bless you richly as you think proactively about doing hard things, making right choices, admitting you are wrong, and correcting your mistakes.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

10 Ways to be Proactive Instead of Reactive

How reactive are you to events that don’t go as planned, to other people’s inconsideration, when people don’t keep their promises? My reaction level was off the charts, so when I separated from my abusive husband, I wanted to know what a mentally healthy person should act like. I read Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. The first habit was being proactive. What does proactive mean? According to Dictionary.com (2025), proactive means to prepare for, intervene in, or control an expected occurrence or situation, especially a negative or challenging one; anticipatory.

How To Control Your Feelings

Knowing you will act in anger or frustration, you can mentally prepare. What you think controls what you feel, what you believe, and how you act. So, stay in prayer mode, so you respond with kindness or patience. Self-control begins in the mind. Visit my web page on how to develop self-control to learn more. Being proactive requires self-control.

In my last post, I explained a church situation that made me angry and how I prayed through the Victory Plan from my post, “How to Develop Emotional Resilience.” I resolved to be kind and let the situation I could not control go. The following Sunday, the custodian came up to me, with his wife present, and said he loved me and gave me a hug. I eliminated stress by being proactive in how I dealt with the situation, even though I felt wronged.

If you know driving raises your stress level because you get frustrated and angry at how other drivers drive, you can say to yourself, “Getting upset and yelling at other drivers does not help, and it makes me tense and anxious; I will be thankful I don’t have to ride a donkey.” Try it, it works. You can also say, “I can be patient as I would want other drivers to be patient with me.” If you know attending a family function will upset you, you can pray for God to give you grace and kindness toward the difficult family members. Remember, people want to know they have worth and are loved as much as you do. Often, people act out because they have low self-worth and feel angry because they don’t feel loved, which is frequently related to their childhood.

10 Proactive Habits.

In my online book, I wrote the right thinking I need to practice for each of Stephen Covey’s seven habits. This is what I wrote for Habit 1—Be Proactive.

I can choose my response.
I am driven by values and truth, and I am not reactive.
I will not let the weaknesses of others control me.
I take the initiative and am responsible for making things happen.
I will use proactive language: “I choose.” “I control my own feelings.” “Let’s look at the alternatives.”
I will work on what I can do something about, which is in my circle of influence.
I will BE more ……….. To change from the inside-out, to be different.
I choose to be thankful.
I will acknowledge mistakes instantly and correct them.
I will make and keep commitments and promises.

Change Unhealthy Beliefs and Discover a New Reality

The article in Psychology Today “Why Proactivity Is the Superpower You Can and Should Develop,” says that “proaction is worth viewing as a superpower because it is the “possible you” that 1) spots and prevents problems, 2) identifies, pursues, and captures opportunities, and 3) creates a new, personally-chosen, desired future through a strategic change of trajectory.” This article provided valuable tips.

My life was controlled by my past trauma. I continued to live out of my emotional programming and unhealthy beliefs about myself and my capability. I married my first husband because of unhealthy beliefs and wrong thoughts. I allowed people to define me and limit my ability. Being proactive about healing my past soul wounds changed the trajectory of my life, and it can change yours. Read my online book about how I changed my destiny.

In the following posts, I will continue to explain these ten ways to be proactive. If you would like a PDF of my Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Depression, and Anxiety, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com.

Continue to learn how to apply the other ways to be proactive in the next post.

May God bless you richly as you think proactively.

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My latest book is Unlocking God’s Promises, which explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Practicing Healthy Conflicts – an Example.

Do you realize how often you have conflicts with people? This week, I had the opportunity to practice having a healthy conflict with a church member. We live in a world with inconsiderate people, including ourselves, so we have many opportunities to practice healthy conflicts. I was amazed at how often my husband and I conflicted on various issues.

I want to add one more healthy practice to the Victory Plan: When you feel emotional about a situation, do not address the issue with the person at that moment. Do not send a text or email while you are emotional because you can’t take back your words. Please refer to my post titled “How to Develop Emotional Resilience.” Romans 12:17-18 states, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” The Apostle Paul gave this mandate to us, which seems impossible, but all things are possible with God (Matt 19:26). Continually praying will help you become emotionally healthy because as soon as you are disappointed or offended, you will give it to God before it turns into resentment.

Conflict at Church

I didn’t attend the church workday. My husband told me that they removed items from the storage closets and the storage room. I found that my Armor of God props had gone missing. I’ve previously disagreed with the custodian concerning his lack of appreciation for things I considered important. He thought the props were never used, so he got rid of them. He didn’t think to ask or put them in my classroom to see if I still wanted them. I became offended because they were on the top shelf and did not bother anyone. He cleared out everything but the toolbox, leaving all the shelves empty. Why? I was disappointed and annoyed.

My husband said he saw some swords and helmets in the donation trailer, but the trailer was locked. I found the person responsible and asked him for the key so I could look for my props. He said they weren’t in the trailer. That is when I should have walked away, because I got emotional and blurted out, “Did you throw them away?” In a huff, I walked past some people who observed the interaction. I prayed and went through the victory steps to deal with my emotions and quickly calmed down. The items are replaceable, and though I was disappointed and annoyed, I didn’t need to be resentful toward the person. Remember, everything we do is to be done in love (1Cor 16:14).

Recognizing continued conflict.

When you go to bed, do you mentally rehearse how you have been wronged? Do you imagine what you should have said or done, or will say, or do to the person who offended you? Not everyone can understand this because they go to sleep as soon as their head hits the pillow. Before going to sleep, I mentally replay my day, plan the next, and sometimes rehearse conflicts. If you struggle to go to sleep because you can’t stop thinking about a conflict, you need to go through the steps in the Victory plan. I have them memorized because disappointment happens all the time. 1Peter 3:10-11 states, “For ‘Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.’”

Forgiving and Resolving the Conflict

That night, I could not sleep; I was still very upset about how inconsiderate he was. He didn’t think he did anything wrong. But I had to forgive him. As soon as I forgave him, I could go to sleep. A day later, I texted him apologizing for showing my frustration with him. I said I forgive him and explained it was only replaceable stuff. He voiced his frustration concerning the women’s absence on the cleanup day. He gave me an ultimatum that within 30 days, I had to clean out the children’s program supply closets in the storage room. I got hot again, but I immediately went through the emotional resilience post’s victory steps and calmed down. Colossians 3:13 states, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Let’s be honest, some people are hard to bear and forgive.

That evening at church, I decided to thank him for all his great work around the church and for wanting to make the church less cluttered. Remember, everyone wants to feel appreciated and valued. Conflict resolution starts with thanksgiving not complaining. While I was in a meeting with two other ladies, who work with the children, I saw him bring all my Armor of God props into my classroom. I was grateful. Then I asked him to show me and the two other ladies what closets he wanted us to clean out and what his issue was with the closets. This made him feel heard and valued. I requested an extension beyond 30 days; he granted it, limiting it to one year. He felt valued, and we weren’t under his ultimatum.

Conclusion

Conflicts occur more often than you realize, so you must learn how to remain at peace with everyone and not return an insult for an insult. 1Peter 3:9 states, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” When you exchange resentment with forgiveness and complaining with thankfulness, you stay in peace and give a blessing. Remember, we all create conflicts, and no one will meet your expectations perfectly.

If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com. This Victory Pan helps you to have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.

May God bless you richly as you live in peace with everyone.

How to Recognize and Eliminate Emotional Cancer

How to Dig up the Unforgiving Belief to Grow in Love

How a Pure Heart is a Godly Heart

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Have a Healthy Argument or Conflict

What makes an argument healthy or unhealthy? Why are people argumentative? How do you effectively communicate with an argumentative person? How do you overcome an argumentative spirit? This post answers these questions and how to have a healthy argument to resolve conflicts.

Unhealthy Arguing

We know argumentative individuals and what it means to be argumentative. Unhealthy arguing focuses on speaking your mind and proving you are right and the other person is wrong. An argumentative person does not care about the other person, only proving they are right. We are familiar with people who are disagreeable or oppositional about something or everything. So, how do you have a healthy argument with them? There are many articles about this topic, but the best way is to agree they are right even though you don’t entirely agree. Also, tell them something you like or are thankful for about them. This approach will appease the argumentative person’s pride, so you can ask them if you can share your perspective. Not always, but most of the time, if they know you agree with them, they are willing to hear your thoughts; more about that later. If they cross their arms, it means they are skeptical or really don’t want to listen to your perspective. If they don’t receive your input, give it to God in prayer because you can’t make them be open-minded. I have seen God work in amazing ways with people.

Most people who argue or oppose have a spirit of pride. Pride says, I am better than you, and you can’t tell me what to do or imply I am wrong. A prideful person does not value others’ desires or thoughts, only their own. They will call you names and accuse you of being wrong and doing things you did not do to shame you for disagreeing with or opposing them. Modern-day psychology would say a prideful person is a narcissist, and that is true.

No one wins an unhealthy argument, and everyone feels resentful. Resentment is the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult (Dictionary.com, 2025). People want to feel appreciated, valued, and having worth. When resentment sets in, no one wins, and the relationship deteriorates. Working through resentment requires forgiving and asking God to transform unhealthy beliefs about yourself and the other person involved. My website book explains how to overcome resentment.

Healthy Arguing

A healthy argument is when two or more people humbly and respectfully present their points of view and genuinely care about the other people involved. Sometimes, you want to convince or persuade someone to do something or believe a certain way. For example, I grew up in both a Republican and Democrat family. I understand both perspectives and respect people who hold either ideology. As an adult, I made a moral choice to be Republican because I believe God creates life, and all life is valuable in his sight, so aborting a baby because you don’t want it is a sin. Now, I try to persuade or convince my democrat friends why abortion is killing a baby with a heartbeat at 10 weeks and why adoption is a better choice. I worked for a Crisis Pregnancy Center in a college town and became the Assistant Director for several years. I was never successful at convincing my Democrat friends to value the life of a baby. I did convince a few young, pregnant college girls to either keep their baby or give it up for adoption.

Suppose you desire a change in your family but expect conflict. You must understand that no one likes to change because we tend to be selfish and self-centered and want things our way. You may wish to resolve a conflict caused by a friend or relative. In my last post, I explained how to respond to criticism in a healthy way. When you discuss conflicting desires and perspectives, it may feel like criticism. Reread my last post to understand and resolve your internal conflict with criticism.

Healthy Strategy for Resolving Conflicts

I have a great strategy for resolving conflict that my husband and I use successfully to discuss sensitive topics. We were taught this in a relationship class. The goal is to build understanding and connection. I call it the pen method, but any object will work. We use a pen, because you can easily find one. The rules of engagement are never to say “you” but only “I feel…” or “I hope…”, “I look forward to…”, and so on. Remember, every conflict or argument has different perspectives. You want to help the other person see your perspective and understand theirs. Before you begin, pray for God’s humble spirit to guide you and to give each of you understanding. Remember, “Do all things with love (1Cor. 16:14).”

The person with the object (i.e., a pen) calmly and respectfully shares their feelings or desired outcome. They identify the conflict from their perspective.
Hand the pen to the other person, who says, “Let me see if I understand…” “Is that what you feel (or mean or want)…?”
If they say no, either hand the pen back or ask a clarification question and return it to the other person so they can explain their perspective again.
The other person is actively listening and trying to understand, not thinking about their perspective only and how to convince the other person to accept their perspective.
Continue until the issue is understood.
The second person now has the pen and will use “I” statements. Remember, you want to keep the focus on your perspective without being critical. Your goal is to resolve the conflict, not escalate the conflict that will build up resentment and destroy the relationship.
Once the problem or issue is understood, work through a solution because each person has a different perspective on resolving the conflict or reaching a desired outcome.
Remember to stay humble, respectful, and empathetic. Everything we do is to be done in love.
The solution or expectations need to be reasonable and mutually agreed upon.

You may be thinking, “Yeah, that sounds great, but I am dealing with a narcissist.” Pray and give it to God because you can only change yourself and your attitude; you can’t change anyone else.

Many articles explain how to have healthy conflicts. The following article is not the same pen method for resolving conflict. Improving Connection When it Counts – Using the PEN Method: Shifting from disagreements to connection during holidays and beyond.

If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, which helps you have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.

RELATED POSTS

How Pride Destroys

How to Eliminate the “My Way is Better” Belief to Sustain Peace

How to Convert Pridefulness to Gentleness and Humility

How Does a Wise Person Treat Other People?

A Wise Person Seeks Peace and Reconciliation

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Respond to Criticism

Is your response to criticism healthy? Why do you get angry or sad when you feel criticized? Most people think mental health issues are anxiety and depression, which is true. Your mental health also shows in how you process criticism, disagreement, or an argumentative person. A mentally healthy person responds in two ways: they either reflect and accept or dismiss and ignore. Getting angry, defensive, and taking it personally is not healthy. I explained in a previous post how to build emotional resilience when facing disappointment, hurt, or loss. In this post, I will explain how to respond to criticism, disagreement, and arguments, which is the same process.

Acknowledge your disappointment that someone is upset or disagrees with you.
Capture unhealthy thoughts that lead to strong emotions. Pray and give them to God.
Admit your hurt feelings, such as not feeling validated or feeling unloved and rejected, and so on. Recognize that you are offended and resentful. Pray.
Identify wrong beliefs. Wrong beliefs control your emotions and actions, so identifying and replacing them with correct beliefs will help you transition from feeling emotions to thinking rationally.
Be aware of strong feelings that lead to sinful actions or hurtful words.

Why We Don’t Like to Be Criticized.

I don’t know anyone who likes to be criticized or disagreed with. Why? Deep down, we want people to think well of us and tell us how great we are. We want to be validated. Remember, validation is seeking approval from others to affirm that you are acceptable and worthy. So, when you don’t feel validated or approved, you will feel rejected and often angry.

If you have been reading my posts, you know I had a new supervisor who did not like me. She told another employee that she hated Christians, and she knew I was a Christian. I trusted God and allowed the adversity she caused me to make me more like Christ. She even fabricated my evaluation to make me look bad, which was supposed to be filled out by the professors I worked with. Previous evaluations were great, with some suggestions for improvement. This supervisor also manipulated other professors to say negative things about me. They felt terrible later when they found out what was happening. She had a lot of childhood trauma and was very angry. God used this situation to help me work through my childhood trauma, and I submitted my painful memories to God to heal. I identified many strongholds that controlled my reactions and tore them down with God’s help. I am now thankful that God put me through that difficult time so I can be free.

Why I Took Criticism Personally.

I wanted to please others to gain their admiration and respect, which is rooted in pride. Some of us will argue our point of view and demean those who disagree with us, which is often driven by pride. Do you think you must be correct and no one should disagree with you? Yep, pride. Prideful people are emotionally draining. During my ordeal with the new supervisor, God showed me I had a spirit of pride. When people criticized me, my pride would tell me, “They had no right to blame me or tell me I am wrong or bad; I do great work.” My pride would get angry when someone dismissed my idea or suggestion. My pride would get hurt when someone disagreed with me. Pride is very destructive because it is inward-focused. Humility does not take criticism or disrespect personally. The spirit of pride was rooted in my childhood traumas. As you read the following Scripture, ask God to search your heart and mind and show you what is in them. Responding to criticism well depends on meekness and wisdom.

James 3:13-18 – Wisdom from Above

13) Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct, let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.

14) But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.

15) This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

16) For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

17) But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

18) And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Two Ways to Respond to Criticism.

First, consider the source. Is the person being respectful, gentle, and kind in explaining a problem they see? Do you respect that person as having integrity? Do they offer improvement suggestions? If yes, then prayerfully reflect on what they are pointing out and suggesting.

Second, some people are argumentative, critical, and disagreeable because they are hurting inside. They may have childhood issues from being criticized and discounted by family or teachers. This kind of criticism should be ignored and not taken personally. Often, people reflect their insecurity and pride by criticizing or arguing. Getting defensive and arguing back only empowers the other person. The best way to handle this kind of person is to say thank you and walk away. You cannot reason constructively with a person who is acting out of their wounded soul.

Here is a helpful article I found: How to Handle Criticism Gracefully: 12 Pro Tips.

If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com. The Victory Plan helps you to have a healthy mindset.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Breaking Emotional Addictions

Did you know that anxiety and sadness produce stress that often becomes addictive? I was born in a stressful home, which set me up to be addicted to stress brain chemicals. As an adult, my brain continues to conjure up images of family members rejecting me, which makes me sad, angry, and anxious. I asked God why I was doing this. God showed me I was addicted to the feeling of sadness and anxiety. God also showed me an addiction to anger, which was the first stronghold He broke in my life. Read about it here. I didn’t feel peace, joy, or love. A great article to read is “Are You Addicted to Stress?“

Replace Anxiety, Sadness, and Anger with Peace, Joy, and Love

Ask yourself three questions. Do I feel peace, and how often, on a scale of 1 to 10? Do I feel joy, and how often, on a scale of 1 to 10? Do I feel love, and how often, on a scale of 1 to 10? If you do not feel peace, ask God why. Let Him show you what you are worried about that you may not be aware of. If you do not feel joy, ask God to show you what you are sad or angry about. Often, resentment stemming from past hurts prevents us from experiencing joy. If you don’t feel loved, ask God why. You may need to forgive those who did not validate or accept you, even childhood friends. Remember, every action, whether good or bad, creates a thought, a related emotion, a belief, and a subsequent action. God is our healer, and He wants you to be healed entirely, which includes mental healing.

I am keeping this post brief so you can take the time to read a terrific post, Why You Can’t Let Go of Worry and Anxiety by pkadams Blue Skies and Green Pastures

Conclusion

There is hope for complete healing and becoming free from the addiction to emotional stress. You may need to see a trauma counselor to help you navigate why you continue to be anxious, sad, or angry. My online book will also help you understand what is happening inside your heart and how to overcome to feel peace, joy, and love. My last post is a good starting point.

RELATED POSTS

What Controls Your Thoughts?

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Mental Health Posts

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Develop Emotional Resilience

Are you naturally positive and happy from the time you were a child? If so, you have tremendous emotional resilience. Most people, however, are not emotionally resilient. You may think you don’t let hurtful people affect your thoughts, but they do. The phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is untrue. Words and actions are powerful.

So, what is emotional resilience? The article Why Emotional Resilience Is a Trait You Can Develop explains, “Those with a higher degree of emotional resilience can handle the stresses that come with daily life more effectively and calmly. They are also able to manage crises and mean people more easily.” In this post, you will learn how to develop emotional resilience in the face of most events involving disappointment, loss, and offense.

What Causes an Emotional Crisis?

Offenses, loss, and disappointments of varying degrees cause emotional crises. Some examples could be: Your parents didn’t get you something you wanted when you were a child. Guests arrive late, and your meal is ruined. Your pet dies. The store ran out of your favorite chocolate. You or your child fails an exam. You get a flat tire at night. You don’t get the promotion or job you want. A friend gossips about you. We face many disappointments, losses, and offenses throughout our lives, often daily. What is your natural reaction?

I can only speak for myself and what I have observed in others. Most people are disappointed by unmet expectations (stated or unstated) and become angry, frustrated, withdrawn, or depressed. When someone fails to meet your expectations, you may feel invalidated and not valued. Validation is the act of affirming a person or their ideas, feelings, actions, etc., as acceptable and worthy (Dictionary.com, 2025). Not feeling validated or valued creates a host of unhealthy beliefs about yourself that lead to shame and unloving behavior.

Some disappointments and offenses may never be resolved, and we need to accept them. For example, I never saw my father again after he left when I was 15 years old. It made me feel unvalued and insecure. I developed betrayal and abandonment issues and strongholds. Many years later, when I grieved that loss, forgave him, and asked God to heal the memory and release my resentment, then I had peace. Perhaps you were wronged by a friend or coworker or felt wronged. Often, people unintentionally offend us but do not mean to; they aren’t thinking and need grace.

Emotional Resilient Way to Handle Disappointment, Loss, and Offenses

Who would you rather be around? A grateful person or a constant complainer? Which are you? Focusing on what you can be thankful for creates positive emotions. The more you recount what you are disappointed or offended about, the more negative feelings and resentment you develop. Being thankful creates peace and joy.

What do you think when someone says you are overreacting? Do you get more emotional? To be emotionally resilient, you need to redirect your emotional response from the amygdala (the emotional brain center) to the prefrontal cortex (the logical, reasoning, and thinking brain center). I realize that the sooner I pray about the situation instead of stewing about it, the sooner I can control my emotions.

The first step is to recognize the progression of emotional reactions. Second, learn how to transfer the emotional response from the amygdala to the logical thinking prefrontal cortex. I initially designed this list to help me regulate my emotions better. Then, I further developed it to help a young boy who was very depressed and whose anger was off the charts. I shared this list in my county jail Bible study, which helped the girls understand how to control their anger and despairing thoughts.

Acknowledge your emotions. What are you feeling? Sad, angry, frustrated, depressed, etc. Has anyone asked you to identify your feelings using a list of faces? This is good for children. Helping children identify their emotions is the first step to teaching them to be emotionally resilient. Expressing your feelings helps you move out of the amygdala and the fight, flight, and freeze modes.
Identify the expectation that was not met. Now, you are thinking and not reacting.
Ask yourself if your expectation was unspoken, but you assumed the other person or people knew what you expected. Now, you are being logical.
If you stated your expectation, did the other person/people acknowledge or understand it, and did they agree to fulfill it? Now, you are reasoning.

Let’s say you expected the dishes to be washed and put away, and the kitchen to be clean when you got home, and you had made your expectations known. You come home after several hours, the dishes are not done, and the kitchen is not cleaned. What do you do? The following “Victory Plan” takes practice, which we get plenty of in this fallen world. Remember, everything you do is to be done in love (1 Cor. 16:14).

I want to add one more healthy practice to the Victory Plan: When you feel emotional about a situation, do not address the issue with the person at that moment. Do not send a text or email while you are emotional because you can’t take back your words. Romans 12:17-18 states, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” The Apostle Paul gave this mandate to us, which seems impossible, but all things are possible with God (Matt 19:26). Continually praying will help you become emotionally healthy because as soon as you are disappointed or offended, you will give it to God before it turns into resentment.

VICTORY PLAN OVER ANGER, DEPRESSION, and ANXIETY

1. Acknowledge your disappointment. Ask, “What can I be thankful for?” Disappointment from unmet expectations can leave you feeling angry or sad, but you don’t want to ruin a relationship with your anger or silence. Recall the following truth: “I can rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and be thankful in everything for this is the will of God…” (1Thes.5:16-18). When I’m upset, I stop and ask myself what has disappointed me. I pray and surrender my hurt feelings to God, asking what I can be thankful for instead. You should talk to the person who disappointed you, so ask God to help you understand how you will manage the interaction with love. Next, I pray, “Lord, help me accept that things won’t always go as I expect. Take my disappointment. Please help me understand how to manage unmet expectations. I will be thankful for __.”

2. Capture unhealthy thoughts that lead to strong emotions. Ask, what am I thinking right now? Say to yourself, “I want to be controlled by love.” Remind yourself that love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful (1Cor. 13:4-5). Tell yourself that God will help me, I don’t have to be afraid (Heb. 13:6). Ask God how to manage the disappointment as He would. Then pray something like the following. “Lord, take my unhealthy thoughts of ___ and give me the right thoughts according to Your truth and will. Help me submit to Your standard of love and love others and value them as I love and value myself.

3. Admit your hurt feelings, such as not feeling validated or feeling unloved and rejected, and so on. Recognize you are offended and resentful. Forgive those who hurt you or who offended you. Pray for those who mistreat you (Matt 6:12 and 5:44). Be kind and tenderhearted. Forgive as Jesus has forgiven you (Eph. 4:32 & Col. 3:13). Acknowledge that you feel hurt, mad, or afraid because ___. Ask: Do I feel rejected? Unworthy? Unloved? Betrayed? Next, pray something like the following: Lord, I forgive _(person)_ for _(what they did or did not do)_. Take my hurt feelings and resentment from me. Thank You for filling me with Your love and acceptance, in Jesus’ name.

4. Identify wrong beliefs about yourself, others, or God from that disappointing situation. What do I believe about myself at this moment? What do I believe about the person or situation at this moment? Wrong beliefs control your emotions and actions, so identifying and replacing them with correct beliefs will help you transition from feeling emotions to thinking rationally. An incorrect or unhealthy belief is a lie about the true nature of reality, and we need to shine truth into our hearts to correct these lies. For example, if you believe you are not worthy of love, you believe in a lie. It is a faulty conclusion. Replace the unhealthy beliefs with these truths: I have worth, I am accepted and loved, I am complete in Christ, and I am a new creation (Col. 2:9-10; 2Cor. 5:17). I am valuable because I am made in the image of God; this makes me significant (Gen. 1:27). The person who offended me is valuable and worthy of being loved. Next, pray, Lord, remove the influence of evil spirits from my mind, which leads me to hold wrong beliefs. Remove these wrong beliefs from my mind and help me believe your truth about myself and others in Jesus’ name.

5. Confess sinful actions and hurtful behavior. The longer you think unhealthy thoughts, feel angry or sad, and believe lies about yourself and others, the greater the chance you will sin. Ask, “What did I do that hurt another person because of my unloving, out-of-control feelings?” What did I do that disobeyed God’s law of love, as defined in 1Corinthians 13:4-6?” King David said, “I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sins” (Psalm 38:18). The Apostle John said, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1John 1:9). Next, pray, Lord, forgive me for ___. Help me be self-controlled and love others by being at peace, kind, and patient with them, in the name of Jesus.

If you want a PDF of this Victory Plan, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, which helps you have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.

It is beneficial to journal about the things in your past, from your earliest memories of disappointment, resulting in resentments and false beliefs.
Go through this victory plan for each disappointing memory.
Be mindful to breathe deeply as you follow the victory plan and repeat the truth often.
Write down what happened, who was involved, who needs forgiveness, and how you reacted unlovingly. What unhealthy beliefs were created to reinforce wrong thinking?
To learn more about how to be free from past painful memories, read my online book at hopeforcompletehealing.com.

Check out each of my worksheets to uncover hurt feelings from disappointments and become free from their control over your thoughts and actions.

TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues

MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues

SELF-CONTROL Issues

What is An Emotionally Healthy Person?

May God bless you richly as you seek His help to be completely healthy.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Treat General Depression Naturally

Do you think that depression is a fact of life? Or do you think it is based on a person’s temperament? I guess it depends. My husband has never suffered from depression, except for getting upset about being laid off; otherwise, he is a positive, upbeat guy. Some people are positive people who focus on being thankful and believe that problems provide opportunities. But if you experience depression, it’s a normal part of coping with life in a flawed world. Even King David and the Apostle Paul suffered from occasional depression. Both men hoped in God, which helped to lift their spirits.

I have learned to recognize depression and how self-talk, self-love, and hope in God help me overcome my depression. Though sometimes you can’t lift your soul out of the pit. For me, depression feels like a heavy oppression or a dark, lonely pit. I feel agitated and easily frustrated by little things. I have had to rely on medication temporarily to help me get out of the pit. If a person stays in the pit long-term, their chances of committing suicide are high. If you see a family member or friend not enjoying life, isolating themselves, solely talking about their problems, or even wanting to die, please help them find someone to talk to. Some people need someone else to come alongside them to help them get out of the pit of depression.

Using Anti-Depressant Medication

Some depressions require medications to increase serotonin, dopamine, and GABA neurotransmitters. Some people feel shame when they are depressed. There is no shame; it is a natural reaction to stress and anxiety from trauma or disappointments in life. How do you know you need medication?

If you have long periods where you feel worried or empty.
You have a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Restless or irritable.
Changes in eating, sleeping, or other habits.
Thinking of death and suicide.

For example, I was irritable with my husband many years ago. He asked me what was wrong. I thought about it and realized I was depressed because my oldest son went to the county jail for a few months. So, I took two natural antidepressants: St. John’s Wort and 5HTP. It is best to take 5HTP in the morning and St. John’s Wort before bed because they have different effects on the brain. St John’s Wort helps you relax, which helps with sleep problems. Taking natural medications was my choice because I am oversensitive to chemical medicines. My mother took every form of anti-depressant for most of her life, so I know they all work to varying degrees. The only problem was that she needed to change the type of medication and the dosage often, which required regular visits to a psychiatrist. My aunt is a psychiatrist, so she has educated me as well.

After a month of taking 5HTP and St. John’s Wort, I was back to my usual self and stopped taking them a month later. However, if you have a genetic brain issue like bipolar depression or psychosis, you should never stop taking your medication because it helps the brain function properly. If you or a family member have thoughts of death or suicide, please seek a Christian professional counselor. This type of depression is helped by medication and psychotherapy. Depression affects every aspect of your life, from family relationships to friendships, job, physical health, etc. So, it must be treated as you need to treat a cold or diabetes.

My husband took a job where he struggled to keep up with the workload. Everyone in the office was stressed and struggled to keep up and deal with hostile, nasty clients. They all hated their jobs and were not nice to each other. His boss was constantly on him about being behind, though he was nearly caught up by the end of each month. The constant stress and negativity affected his mood, so he took 5HTP in the mornings and decided to positively influence his office, do his best each day, and accept being behind like everyone else. This helped him immensely, but he knew he needed another job to be mentally healthy. When he left the office, his co-workers were so sad because he improved the mood of the office through his positivity.

Bipolar depression is a brain disorder that often requires medication to regulate. I did an internet search and found some alternative therapies that help lessen bipolar depression. Here are a few.

Verywell Mind

WebMd –Treating Bipolar Depression Without Medication: What to Know

Psychology Today

Christian Counseling and Self-help Books

I went to many non-Christian, Christian, and pastoral counselors, who suggested how I could manage my emotional pain, but there was no lasting change. I attended abuse recovery groups, like one by Dan Allender, which helped some. I read a lot of self-help books, which was also beneficial.

One author suggested writing a letter detailing what the person did that hurt you. Then, for each offense, write that you forgive them. Next, write something you are thankful for in each situation. He said not to send the letter to the person, but imagine they are sitting across from you and you read the letter to them. He suggested setting an empty chair in front of you as you read the letter to them. Acknowledging the painful memories, forgiving, and being thankful began my journey to being mentally healthy. I was still depressed because of my abusive marriage. I also still had many unhealthy beliefs about myself, others, and God, which kept me stuck in shame and depression.

I wondered how a healthy person is supposed to act, so I read Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and practiced its principles. I wasn’t perfect, but improving is always good. Also, reading Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard and Healing Codes by Drs. Lloyd and Johnson helped me understand the role of memories and unhealthy beliefs. Listening to CDs on Healing Your Soul by Kati Sousa and Seven Prayers that Heal the Heart by Mark Verkler taught me how to heal my childhood memories and replace unhealthy beliefs with the truth. You can read about my healing journey on my website, hopeforcompletehealing.com.

It is necessary to get Christian counseling that focuses on healing past trauma issues through prayer, forgiveness, and being thankful, which stops painful memories from controlling your thoughts. Trauma, which I explained in my anxiety posts, leads to anxiety and depression. Dark genre choices in media and books make depression and suicidal thoughts worse. Put encouraging words and music into your mind to help you focus on what you can be thankful for, not what makes you unhappy.

CONCLUSION

Many people experience depression. Staying in the pit of depression for a long time can lead to relationship problems and suicidal thoughts. Often, we need others to help us get out of the pit and get mentally well again. Sometimes, we need medication to help us get out of the pit. Seeking treatment for depression is not shameful. Worshiping and hoping in God lifts you out of the pit. Psalm 40:2 states, “He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.” Also, read Psalm 42.

RELATED POSTS:

Eliminate Depression with Self-love and God’s Love – March 8, 2025
Conquering Depression by Healing Thoughts and Memories – March 1, 2025
Healing Depression: The Role of Gut Health and Diet – February 23, 2025
How to Overcome Depression by God’s Power – February 15, 2025
How to Overcome Anxiety from Trauma Memories – February 8, 2025

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.