Love – Hope for Complete Healing

Ten Ways to Overcome a Critical Spirit

Where does a Critical Spirit come from? We all tend to see how others can do better or be better, so we feel the need to tell them. This is not bad if it is done in love and received as being loving. Being criticized often feels like being judged. The problem is, we don’t like to be told what is wrong with what we did. When we feel criticized, we feel rejected, and we don’t want to be with the person who criticizes us. Has this ever happened to you? How did it make you feel? How is your relationship with the person who criticized you?

Why Are People Critical?

I was a very critical person for many years. The Lord showed me that I had low self-esteem, so I would criticize others to make myself look better. I had a judgmental stronghold that was built by a critical mother, and I felt like I could never be good enough. The critical spirit is fueled by anger. So the first way to overcome a critical spirit is to work through all the bad memories of when someone criticized you and you felt rejected. First, ask God to show you the earliest memory or strongest memory of when you felt judged or criticized (Psalm 139:23-24). Don’t relive the experience and don’t talk about it. Immediately forgive the person for what they said to you and ask God to release and heal the resentment, rejection, and anger you felt and still feel. Then ask God to remove the spirit attachment to that memory. Next, ask God to show you the next painful memory of criticism, then forgive, release, and remove the attached spirit. To learn more about how and why healing your memories changes your life, read my online book at hopeforcompletehealing.com.

How Do I Change My Heart From Critical to Caring?

The remaining nine ways to overcome a critical spirit are adapted from Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook by June Hunt.

Humble your heart to see your sin and your immense need for God’s mercy. Next, see others’ significance in God’s eyes, and when you criticize them, you hurt God. Pray and ask God to help you show the same grace to others that He shows you (James 4:11 and 2:13)
Put on and practice showing compassion for others (Col. 3:12). Look closely at the life of Christ to learn His compassionate way of confronting the truth. Pray that you will be controlled by Christ’s love for others (1Cor. 16:14 and 1John 4:7) .
Draw out the heartfelt needs of others (Prov. 20:5). Pray that God will give you a discerning spirit as you seek to draw others out and encourage them with what they are doing right.
Offer acceptance to others (Rom. 15:7). Realize that everyone has an innate fear of rejection and a deep yearning for acceptance. Pray and ask God to be a channel through which He extends His grace and values others.
See the God-given worth in others (Luke 12:6-7). Ask God to help you treat every person, especially the one most problematic to you, as someone with God-given worth. And pray that the Lord will not allow you to despise anyone whom He created and loves. If you despise someone, ask God to show you why, forgive them if they have hurt or disappointed you, then ask God to give you mercy toward that person.
Praise the positives in others (Phil. 4:8). Ask God to help you see the positive and right things people are doing, and be thankful. Also, ask Him to help you see others as He sees them and value them as He values them.
Refuse to wound others with words (Col. 3:16 and Eph. 4:29). Prayerfully consider the possibility that what you are criticizing in someone may be something God wants to deal with you about. Before speaking words of criticism, ask a wise friend to evaluate the content and tone of your words. Realize that after critical words are spoken, you can never take them back. If you need to share how someone has hurt you, ask God for the right words as His instrument for good, and pray that the other person will receive what you have to say.
See the unmet needs of others (Phil. 4:19). Instead of judging the inappropriate actions of others, seek to understand the need behind each action. If someone is critical of you, realize that their words reveal that they have unmet inner needs (for love, significance, or security). Realize that people don’t always mean what they say, nor understand their own deepest needs.
Rely on God’s Word and God’s Spirit for wisdom (Heb. 4:12). Memorize James 3:13-18 about what the wisdom from above is and is not. Pray that God’s Spirit will teach you spiritual truths and lead you to speak these truths in love (1Cor. 2:13).

Conclusion:

A criticism begins as a thought, which is in your control. Ask God if it is necessary for you to address the issue; if so, ask God how you should address the issue in love. For example, our church was practicing for the Christmas program. The choir director got mean with the children’s program director. I witnessed it and knew it needed to be addressed because the other person is easily offended. I prayed about how to address the critical words spoken by the choir director and asked God to direct my words. I called her, and when I described what I witnessed, she immediately saw her sin and repented. She called the children’s program director and apologized. The next Sunday morning, she apologized to the whole church. Since that time, I have noticed that she is more careful with her words. But the damage is done.

Jesus explains in His first sermon how we are to act as His followers. Matthew 7:12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Jesus also said in Matthew 22:37-40, “And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38) This is the great and first commandment. 39) And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40) On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’” Let everything you do be done in love. Before you can love others well, you need to fix your love issues. See my page on resolving love issues.

Love From a Pure Heart

How to Respond to Criticism

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright-protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Ten Ways to Live in Peace to Maintain Mental Health

Are there people who make you miserable? Do you have a hard time living in peace with family members, co-workers, or even church members? Are you triggered when someone challenges you or disrespects you?

Peace is a hallmark of someone who does not let people and situations affect them emotionally. How can someone do that? I admire those who stay calm and can be rational with those who are angry and dysfunctional. I have always reacted negatively to those who were mean to me, which is human nature. I often become anxious when situations are outside my control. In this post, you will learn the ten ways to stay above chaotic people and situations that affect your mental health.

I grew up in a very angry home, where fights were the norm every day. I never had peace or joy in my life, even when I lived alone, because my mental health was affected by the chaos of my past. Then I married an abusive man, who antagonized me with constant threats and put-downs. The fights were horrendous because my old tapes replayed in my mind. I desperately wanted to feel valued and loved. Have you ever noticed that where there is love in the home, there is also peace and joy? Where there is respect, there is peace and cooperation.

First, Deal With Your Own Peace Issues.

You can’t live in peace with others if your mind and heart are filled with conflicting emotions from past trauma and painful memories. When I worked through my peace issues, I became emotionally stable. I am a completely different person today, and as I continue to work through peace issues, I can now separate myself from the emotions of another person and not let them bother me. For example, a woman who is contentious came up to me on several occasions and spoke in an unkind way. I was able to smile and listen to her and not react out of my past insecurity tapes. That is when I knew I had victory and could live in peace with anyone. The other way you know you are living in peace is if you don’t repeat the matter and gossip. Not being triggered by other people’s weaknesses is the victory we are to strive for.

Peace is as big an issue as love is to God. Matthew 5:9 states, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” Peacemakers are not people pleasers, but they make peace with those who are controversial. And Hebrews 12:14 states, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” Striving means to work hard for. People who make an effort to live in peace with those around them are also holy. Holiness is having a pure heart and living in perfect, harmonious union with God and people. Holiness is a huge topic that I will not cover in this post. Please read my posts about why and how to purify your heart and soul. WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL? and Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul.

Second, Give the Circumstances to God and be Thankful.

It is hard to have peace when the world around you is falling apart, or your health is falling apart, or your family is falling apart. God wants you to cast your cares and anxieties on Him because He cares for you (1Peter 5:7). The devil is looking for a chance to steal your peace and joy, through chaos. Overcome the devil by keeping your faith and eyes on Jesus (1Peter 5:8-9). In John 16:33, Jesus says, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

Being thankful is another way to keep peace in your heart despite your circumstances (Phil. 4:6-7 and 1Thes. 5:16-18). For example, you get a flat tire and you are late for an appointment. Before you get upset, thank God for his protection and for giving you a sound mind to know what to do. Ask God to help you and keep your mind on God’s perfect will being accomplished in the situation. It is amazing how being thankful helps you maintain a sound mind.

How to Respond to Those in Opposition.

I came across Second Timothy 2:22-26, which offers insight into how to live in peace with difficult people. In today’s politically divided world, we have ample opportunity to practice living in peace. Romans 12:18 states, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

22) So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. When we were young, we would take everything personally. If someone didn’t do what we wanted, we would get angry. If they snubbed us, we would get angry, and so on. Now we are to put away our youthful passions and childish thinking and love others (1Cor. 13:4-11). We must now pursue (strive for) righteousness, faith, love, and peace.

23) Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. We are all familiar with foolish, ignorant controversies, so I won’t describe them here. If you know an issue is controversial, do not become emotionally engaged with it. As I said earlier, when you are at peace in your own mind, then you will be at peace with others. No one ever wins a quarrel, which is why Satan baits us to quarrel with each other. The definition of quarrel is a cause of dispute, complaint, or hostile feeling (dictionary.com 2025). Quarreling destroys relationships.

24-26) And the Lord’s servant must

A. not be quarrelsome

B. (be) kind to everyone,

C. able to teach,

D. patiently enduring evil (trouble, Rom 12:12),

E. correcting his (or her) opponents with gentleness.

God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

Conclusion

The ten ways to live in peace are:

Deal with your peace issues to eliminate the triggers that cause emotional upset from other people’s rude unkindness.
Pray and give all your troubles and concerns to God.
Be thankful in every circumstance, even those that are stressful.
Strive for and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace.
Do not quarrel.
Show kindness.
Teach the truth.
Be patient.
Gently correct those in opposition.
Set your mind on the things of God and purify your heart.

1Thessalonians 5:23 states, “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Become A New Person

Do you struggle with doubt that God is happy with your life? Do you feel like a hypocrite because you don’t feel you measure up to the church’s standard? When I read about putting off your old self with its evil practices, I felt guilty and helpless to overcome my personal sins and addictions. There is hope. We all know the verse in 2Corintians 5:17, which says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” So, why didn’t I act like a new creation? The new creation loves God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength, and loves others as themselves.

God knows all about your struggles, and He still loves you (Ps. 139). He wants to help you be free (John 8:36). James 4:6-8 outlines the basic steps you need to take to see victory in your new life in Christ.

Humble yourself before God and admit that you can’t live godly and be like Christ without Him and His help. God honors the prayers of the humble person. James 4:6 states, “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”
Submit your life and your situation to Him. My last post explained how to submit to God and live through Him. Admit you want to please Him, but you need His help. James 4:7 states, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Also, read my post called Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE.
Resist the devil’s temptations to sin or feel condemned and hopeless.
Draw near to God in prayer, and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). Hebrews 4:15-16 states, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16) Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Repent of known sins. Act 3:19 states. “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out.” Our sins separate us from God and block our prayers. Isaiah 59:2 states, “But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.” Repent means you seek God’s forgiveness for your sins and ask His help to overcome the sin, then resolve to obey and put on a new self that reflects Christ’s image.

I struggled for years to put off my old, sinful inner self. I hated how my sins and addictions continued to control my behavior. I was under tremendous guilt and condemnation. I prayed the following prayer every day for several years. When I submitted my resentments and trauma memories to God, and He began to heal them, and I forgave those who hurt me, then this prayer was more effective. Visit hopeforcompletehealing.com to discover how to receive healing for your painful memories and be freed from resentments. I now love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love others as myself.

Prayer of Victory – source unknown; modified by Joyce Hanscom

Father, I want to remind myself this morning that my sin-loving nature (my flesh with its passions and desires [Gal. 5:24]) died with Your Son when He died. I am no longer under sin’s control. Instead, I am alive to God (Rom. 6:1-13) the Creator of the universe is inhabiting my very being (1Cor. 3:16). Live through me today as You choose, so that I may say as Jesus did, that I do nothing of myself, but live by the power of the living Father (John 5:19; 6:57). I don’t want to do anything from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, I want to regard others as more important than myself. Not to look out for my own personal interests but also for the interests of others, which was Christ’s attitude (Phil. 2:3-5).

Today, I put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with others and forgiving them, not complaining about them but forgiving them, just as You have forgiven me. And beyond all these things, I want to put on a heart of LOVE (Col. 3:12-14, Eph. 4 :31-32). That I may be patient and not react to pain and trouble by complaining or losing self-control. I will be kind by showing sympathy, friendship, gentleness, and tenderheartedness. I have put into my heart a love that is not jealous, does not brag, is not arrogant, and is not full of pride or self-importance or haughtiness. Please help me not to act unbecomingly and not to seek my own interests. Please give me the grace to forgive and not keep a record of wrongs. I do not want to rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoice with the truth. Lastly, I put on Your love, which bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things through Your strength (1Cor. 13:4-7).

Father, I ask that I would be rooted and grounded in Christ’s love. That I may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge. Fill me with Your fullness (Eph. 3:17-19). And fill me with the knowledge of Your will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, to walk worthily to please You in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. Strengthen me with all power, according to Your glorious might, to attain all steadfastness and patience. Let me joyously thank the Father, who has qualified me to share in the saints’ inheritance in light (Col. 1:9-12).

This day is Yours. I realize that anything that comes my way today, whether a promotion or deposing (Ps. 75:6-7), victory or defeat, blessing or testing, mountain or valley, has come with Your permission. It has come with great purpose from my loving heavenly Father to bless me and conform me to the image of Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:28-29). And since you spared not Your Son, but gave Him up for me, won’t you surely give me everything else? (Rom. 8:32). Today, I am more than a conqueror through Christ (Rom. 8:37), and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13). I will choose today to rejoice always in the Lord; pray without ceasing, and in everything give thanks; for this is Your will (1Thes. 5:16-18).

I now put on the armor of God that I may be able to resist in the evil day and having done everything, to stand firm: I put on the belt of truth and store Your word in my heart that I may not sin against you (Ps. 119:11). Next, I put on the breastplate of righteousness by putting on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires (Rom. 13:14). I will put on the shoes of the gospel of peace that I may strive to live in peace with all people (Heb. 12:14). Then, I will take up the shield of faith with which to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. And put on the helmet of salvation, and take up the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s Word (Eph. 6:13-17). I put on the Lord Jesus Christ and choose to walk by the Spirit today, not carrying out the desire of my corrupt flesh and spirit as though I was still in darkness (Gal. 5:16, 25; Rom 13:13-14). Father, I want to glorify You today by bearing much fruit and showing myself to be Your disciple (John 15:8). I acknowledge that You are the vine, and I am a branch that cannot bear fruit apart from You (John 15:5). Help me, Lord, to bring forth Your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control today. Amen.

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You may copy and modify this prayer to help you with your specific issues you want to transform.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

SIX STEPS TO GO FROM VICTIMIZED TO VICTORIOUS

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God allow children to be hurt by wicked people? Have you ever asked those questions or wondered in your heart? I just finished reading the story about Job, who was unfairly targeted. David, Daniel, and Jesus Christ are also examples of how the devil influenced individuals to harm them. They all had to go through the bad situation, yet in the end, God blessed them for being faithful to Him.

What about the Christians killed by terrorists or a gunman? Why didn’t God protect or rescue them? These are the questions we need to grapple with, because many people do not come to faith in Jesus Christ or leave the faith due to a tragic issue that can’t be explained. Everyone has been a victim in one form or another. Satan wants everyone to doubt that God is good and that He can’t be trusted. Satan tries to warp your perception of God and make you angry at Him, just like he did with Job. Job 2:3 explains, “And the LORD said to Satan, ‘Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason.’”

Satan is our accuser, too. Read Ephesians 6:10-18. The Apostle Paul explains in Ephesians 6:11-12, “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹²For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

Not everything can be blamed on Satan; often, our sinful desires lead us into disastrous situations that cause us pain and suffering. But know that Satan also entices us based on our sinful desires. Ephesians 2:1-3 states, “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.”

How Job Was Victorious Over the Evil Events.

Satan first got permission from God to afflict Job to make him falter in his faith (Job 1:10-12). God granted Satan his request to test Job’s faith. After Satan caused fire to destroy his crops, a windstorm to kill his children, and raiders to steal his wealth, Job still blessed the name of the Lord. Job 1:22 states, “In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.” Job kept a positive view after losing all his children and wealth, then Satan asked God’s permission to cause physical suffering. This was when Job got depressed and laments the day he was born and hopes for the day he dies (Job 3). His wife encouraged him to curse God, and he said to his wife, “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity? In all this, Job did not sin with his lips (Job 2:10). Job got depressed and laments the day he was born and hopes for the day he dies (Job 3). His three friends said he had sinned, which was why God allowed all these calamities; yet Job could not recall any time he had sinned. He questions God. Job 13:23 states, “How many are my iniquities and my sins? Make me know my transgression and my sin.”

Job found comfort in God’s word. Job 23:10-12 states, “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. 11) My foot has held fast to his steps; I have kept his way and have not turned aside. 12) I have not departed from the commandment of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food.” Job valued God’s words more than food. Do you desire to know God’s words and to know His promises more than you desire food? Will God find you to be pure like gold after your faith is tested? Will you commit to holding fast to God and keeping His ways during your trials?

In Job 42:4-10, Job repents of his sin for questioning God and challenging Him to answer him. Then God rebuked Job’s three friends, who had unjustly accused him of sinning and of not speaking the truth about God. Job then prayed for his three friends and forgave them so God would not deal with them according to their folly. After Job prayed for them, God restored Job’s losses and gave him twice as much as he had before.

Six steps to go from Victim to Victory

Give up your pride to be humble (James 4:6 & 10; Ps. 147:6; Prov. 11:2; and 1Peter 5:5). Humility is thinking less about yourself (not selfish or self-seeking). A prideful person does not consider what is good to God, others, or themselves. Often, when we are victimized, we become prideful; either we choose not to love to avoid being hurt again, or we have low self-esteem and desire people’s approval and do things that perpetuate our pain.
Submit yourself to God (James 4:7a). Trust that God is sovereign and all-knowing. Additionally, submission is an act of obeying God’s commands. My parents and my first husband were church-going Christians, but because they did not submit to God and obey His commands, I was a victim of their unloving, abusive behavior. When I submitted to God’s command to forgive those who hurt me and resist the devil’s enticement to hold a grudge and be bitter, I became victorious over the control of those who hurt me.
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7b). Resist through prayer, praise, and holding fast to God’s truth. Most of all, obey God’s command to love Him and others, and Satan will flee. I had to resist the self-serving desire to close my heart to loving others as God loves them.
Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you (James 4:8a). Draw near with love and through prayer, trusting that He loves you. When you’re faced with a difficult problem, call out to God for help.

1Peter 5:6-9 states, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ⁸Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.”

Repent of your sins (James 4:8b & 1John 1:9). Sin separates you from God, and He will not hear your prayers (Is. 59:2). Review 1Corinthians 13:4-7 and Colossians 3:5-15 to see if you love others as God commands and are resisting the devil’s temptations to sin against others because of the hurtful things done to you. To overcome the trauma of the painful memories of those who sinned against you, work through my website book. When the painful memories are healed, then Satan can’t torment you through them or use them to entice you to sin.
Purify your heart so you don’t have a double mind (James 4:8, Matt. 5:8, & 1Peter 1:22). Matthew 5:8 states, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” “Put off” the sins and critical, wrong beliefs about yourself, God, and others, forgive them, then “put on” how God sees you and the truth about God, yourself, and others. Being abused or victimized creates soul wounds that need to be healed to have a pure heart. Read Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. My web-book will also help you to purify your heart and soul. Our lack of understanding of who God is creates thoughts of doubt and insecurity. We think God does not care about us, and we see ourselves as being unworthy. As children, we may have been victimized by someone who was in authority over us or who should have protected and loved us but didn’t.

Conclusion

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God allow children to be hurt by wicked people? Unfortunately, Satan is the ruler of this world (1John 5:19 & 2Timothy 2:26). He is determined to destroy as many people as he can and to prevent them from being followers of God. God allows him to test our faith so that we can have a pure devotion to God, as Job did. God warns the church of Smyrna in Revelation 2:10, “Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” We all must suffer while on this earth, but I encourage you to hold fast to your faith and devotion to God and resist Satan’s attempt to cause you to doubt God. You may feel shame from being victimized; if you do, then read Eliminate Depression with Self-love and God’s Love.

I am praying for you and ask God to bless you despite the trials you may be facing or will face. Remember, to “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. –James 1:2-4.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

10 Ways to Build an Emotional Bank Account

Who do you like? The person who encourages you, or the critical person? Which person are you? We prefer elevating people, wouldn’t you agree? Your emotional bank account is strong when you feel safe because you trust the person you are with or are friends with. Do your children, spouse, or family feel safe around you, and can they trust you to be in control of your emotions? If you discover that you have made withdrawals from your children, spouse, or family, you can now make deposits. It takes time to regain trust and rebuild a healthy relationship.

Make Meaningful Deposits

What is a meaningful deposit for you may not be meaningful to the other person. Learn what is important to the other person and value them by making meaningful deposits. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman explains five different ways to show love:

Words of affirmation,
Quality time,
Receiving gifts,
Acts of service, and
Physical touch.

My love language is acts of service and affirmation. My husband’s love language is physical touch and affirmation. He struggles to do acts of service, but when he does, I feel valued and loved. I struggle with giving physical touch because of my abusive past, but when I do, he feels valued and loved. I now give more physical touch as I heal my traumatic memories.

How to Intentionally Build a Strong Emotional Account with Someone.

First, you need to value the other person as much as you value yourself. Second, seek to understand what is meaningful to that person. In my last post, I explained the greatest principle to live by. That principle is love. We all fundamentally need to feel loved and valued. Remember, we are made in the image of God, and He is love, who wants to be loved with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. God wants us to love others as He does. People are tender and sensitive to even slight rejection, even if unintentional. Someone may appear tough and unfazed by rejection, but deep down, they are a wounded child who is shut down, and it still hurts.

So, how do you build someone’s emotional bank account? I extrapolated the following 10 ways to build up a person’s emotional bank account from Stephen Covey’s book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

1. I will make deposits into people’s emotional bank accounts through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments. If I make a withdrawal, I will quickly apologize.

2. I will listen and seek to understand what is important to the other person.

3. I will let you feel my concern and acceptance.

4. I will show understanding and make deposits by giving them my full attention.

5. I will attend to the important little things to those in my life.

6. I will keep my commitments and promises to build trust.

7. I will clarify expectations regarding roles and goals to prevent misunderstandings and disappointment.

8. I will show personal integrity by being honest, keeping my promises, fulfilling expectations, being loyal to those present, and refraining from unwholesome speech.

9. I will apologize from my heart when I make a withdrawal.

10. I will see my children’s or people’s problems as an opportunity to build a relationship, rather than a negative, burdensome irritation.

When we model these ten ways to build a person’s emotional bank account, especially children, then it teaches and inspires them to do the same. To do this requires that you feel secure and have a healed heart from the many wounds from the withdrawals you endured throughout your life. As you read these 10 ways to build an emotional bank account, did some painful memories pop up, or resentment toward someone? Read the post WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL? Our painful memories control our thoughts and emotions, which makes us unsafe emotionally. When you heal your memories, you will be mentally healthy and able to build trusting, healthy relationships. Refer to my online book to begin healing your memories.

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Have a Healthy Argument or Conflict

What makes an argument healthy or unhealthy? Why are people argumentative? How do you effectively communicate with an argumentative person? How do you overcome an argumentative spirit? This post answers these questions and how to have a healthy argument to resolve conflicts.

Unhealthy Arguing

We know argumentative individuals and what it means to be argumentative. Unhealthy arguing focuses on speaking your mind and proving you are right and the other person is wrong. An argumentative person does not care about the other person, only proving they are right. We are familiar with people who are disagreeable or oppositional about something or everything. So, how do you have a healthy argument with them? There are many articles about this topic, but the best way is to agree they are right even though you don’t entirely agree. Also, tell them something you like or are thankful for about them. This approach will appease the argumentative person’s pride, so you can ask them if you can share your perspective. Not always, but most of the time, if they know you agree with them, they are willing to hear your thoughts; more about that later. If they cross their arms, it means they are skeptical or really don’t want to listen to your perspective. If they don’t receive your input, give it to God in prayer because you can’t make them be open-minded. I have seen God work in amazing ways with people.

Most people who argue or oppose have a spirit of pride. Pride says, I am better than you, and you can’t tell me what to do or imply I am wrong. A prideful person does not value others’ desires or thoughts, only their own. They will call you names and accuse you of being wrong and doing things you did not do to shame you for disagreeing with or opposing them. Modern-day psychology would say a prideful person is a narcissist, and that is true.

No one wins an unhealthy argument, and everyone feels resentful. Resentment is the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult (Dictionary.com, 2025). People want to feel appreciated, valued, and having worth. When resentment sets in, no one wins, and the relationship deteriorates. Working through resentment requires forgiving and asking God to transform unhealthy beliefs about yourself and the other person involved. My website book explains how to overcome resentment.

Healthy Arguing

A healthy argument is when two or more people humbly and respectfully present their points of view and genuinely care about the other people involved. Sometimes, you want to convince or persuade someone to do something or believe a certain way. For example, I grew up in both a Republican and Democrat family. I understand both perspectives and respect people who hold either ideology. As an adult, I made a moral choice to be Republican because I believe God creates life, and all life is valuable in his sight, so aborting a baby because you don’t want it is a sin. Now, I try to persuade or convince my democrat friends why abortion is killing a baby with a heartbeat at 10 weeks and why adoption is a better choice. I worked for a Crisis Pregnancy Center in a college town and became the Assistant Director for several years. I was never successful at convincing my Democrat friends to value the life of a baby. I did convince a few young, pregnant college girls to either keep their baby or give it up for adoption.

Suppose you desire a change in your family but expect conflict. You must understand that no one likes to change because we tend to be selfish and self-centered and want things our way. You may wish to resolve a conflict caused by a friend or relative. In my last post, I explained how to respond to criticism in a healthy way. When you discuss conflicting desires and perspectives, it may feel like criticism. Reread my last post to understand and resolve your internal conflict with criticism.

Healthy Strategy for Resolving Conflicts

I have a great strategy for resolving conflict that my husband and I use successfully to discuss sensitive topics. We were taught this in a relationship class. The goal is to build understanding and connection. I call it the pen method, but any object will work. We use a pen, because you can easily find one. The rules of engagement are never to say “you” but only “I feel…” or “I hope…”, “I look forward to…”, and so on. Remember, every conflict or argument has different perspectives. You want to help the other person see your perspective and understand theirs. Before you begin, pray for God’s humble spirit to guide you and to give each of you understanding. Remember, “Do all things with love (1Cor. 16:14).”

The person with the object (i.e., a pen) calmly and respectfully shares their feelings or desired outcome. They identify the conflict from their perspective.
Hand the pen to the other person, who says, “Let me see if I understand…” “Is that what you feel (or mean or want)…?”
If they say no, either hand the pen back or ask a clarification question and return it to the other person so they can explain their perspective again.
The other person is actively listening and trying to understand, not thinking about their perspective only and how to convince the other person to accept their perspective.
Continue until the issue is understood.
The second person now has the pen and will use “I” statements. Remember, you want to keep the focus on your perspective without being critical. Your goal is to resolve the conflict, not escalate the conflict that will build up resentment and destroy the relationship.
Once the problem or issue is understood, work through a solution because each person has a different perspective on resolving the conflict or reaching a desired outcome.
Remember to stay humble, respectful, and empathetic. Everything we do is to be done in love.
The solution or expectations need to be reasonable and mutually agreed upon.

You may be thinking, “Yeah, that sounds great, but I am dealing with a narcissist.” Pray and give it to God because you can only change yourself and your attitude; you can’t change anyone else.

Many articles explain how to have healthy conflicts. The following article is not the same pen method for resolving conflict. Improving Connection When it Counts – Using the PEN Method: Shifting from disagreements to connection during holidays and beyond.

If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, which helps you have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.

RELATED POSTS

How Pride Destroys

How to Eliminate the “My Way is Better” Belief to Sustain Peace

How to Convert Pridefulness to Gentleness and Humility

How Does a Wise Person Treat Other People?

A Wise Person Seeks Peace and Reconciliation

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

How to Develop Emotional Resilience

Are you naturally positive and happy from the time you were a child? If so, you have tremendous emotional resilience. Most people, however, are not emotionally resilient. You may think you don’t let hurtful people affect your thoughts, but they do. The phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is untrue. Words and actions are powerful.

So, what is emotional resilience? The article Why Emotional Resilience Is a Trait You Can Develop explains, “Those with a higher degree of emotional resilience can handle the stresses that come with daily life more effectively and calmly. They are also able to manage crises and mean people more easily.” In this post, you will learn how to develop emotional resilience in the face of most events involving disappointment, loss, and offense.

What Causes an Emotional Crisis?

Offenses, loss, and disappointments of varying degrees cause emotional crises. Some examples could be: Your parents didn’t get you something you wanted when you were a child. Guests arrive late, and your meal is ruined. Your pet dies. The store ran out of your favorite chocolate. You or your child fails an exam. You get a flat tire at night. You don’t get the promotion or job you want. A friend gossips about you. We face many disappointments, losses, and offenses throughout our lives, often daily. What is your natural reaction?

I can only speak for myself and what I have observed in others. Most people are disappointed by unmet expectations (stated or unstated) and become angry, frustrated, withdrawn, or depressed. When someone fails to meet your expectations, you may feel invalidated and not valued. Validation is the act of affirming a person or their ideas, feelings, actions, etc., as acceptable and worthy (Dictionary.com, 2025). Not feeling validated or valued creates a host of unhealthy beliefs about yourself that lead to shame and unloving behavior.

Some disappointments and offenses may never be resolved, and we need to accept them. For example, I never saw my father again after he left when I was 15 years old. It made me feel unvalued and insecure. I developed betrayal and abandonment issues and strongholds. Many years later, when I grieved that loss, forgave him, and asked God to heal the memory and release my resentment, then I had peace. Perhaps you were wronged by a friend or coworker or felt wronged. Often, people unintentionally offend us but do not mean to; they aren’t thinking and need grace.

Emotional Resilient Way to Handle Disappointment, Loss, and Offenses

Who would you rather be around? A grateful person or a constant complainer? Which are you? Focusing on what you can be thankful for creates positive emotions. The more you recount what you are disappointed or offended about, the more negative feelings and resentment you develop. Being thankful creates peace and joy.

What do you think when someone says you are overreacting? Do you get more emotional? To be emotionally resilient, you need to redirect your emotional response from the amygdala (the emotional brain center) to the prefrontal cortex (the logical, reasoning, and thinking brain center). I realize that the sooner I pray about the situation instead of stewing about it, the sooner I can control my emotions.

The first step is to recognize the progression of emotional reactions. Second, learn how to transfer the emotional response from the amygdala to the logical thinking prefrontal cortex. I initially designed this list to help me regulate my emotions better. Then, I further developed it to help a young boy who was very depressed and whose anger was off the charts. I shared this list in my county jail Bible study, which helped the girls understand how to control their anger and despairing thoughts.

Acknowledge your emotions. What are you feeling? Sad, angry, frustrated, depressed, etc. Has anyone asked you to identify your feelings using a list of faces? This is good for children. Helping children identify their emotions is the first step to teaching them to be emotionally resilient. Expressing your feelings helps you move out of the amygdala and the fight, flight, and freeze modes.
Identify the expectation that was not met. Now, you are thinking and not reacting.
Ask yourself if your expectation was unspoken, but you assumed the other person or people knew what you expected. Now, you are being logical.
If you stated your expectation, did the other person/people acknowledge or understand it, and did they agree to fulfill it? Now, you are reasoning.

Let’s say you expected the dishes to be washed and put away, and the kitchen to be clean when you got home, and you had made your expectations known. You come home after several hours, the dishes are not done, and the kitchen is not cleaned. What do you do? The following “Victory Plan” takes practice, which we get plenty of in this fallen world. Remember, everything you do is to be done in love (1 Cor. 16:14).

I want to add one more healthy practice to the Victory Plan: When you feel emotional about a situation, do not address the issue with the person at that moment. Do not send a text or email while you are emotional because you can’t take back your words. Romans 12:17-18 states, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” The Apostle Paul gave this mandate to us, which seems impossible, but all things are possible with God (Matt 19:26). Continually praying will help you become emotionally healthy because as soon as you are disappointed or offended, you will give it to God before it turns into resentment.

VICTORY PLAN OVER ANGER, DEPRESSION, and ANXIETY

1. Acknowledge your disappointment. Ask, “What can I be thankful for?” Disappointment from unmet expectations can leave you feeling angry or sad, but you don’t want to ruin a relationship with your anger or silence. Recall the following truth: “I can rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and be thankful in everything for this is the will of God…” (1Thes.5:16-18). When I’m upset, I stop and ask myself what has disappointed me. I pray and surrender my hurt feelings to God, asking what I can be thankful for instead. You should talk to the person who disappointed you, so ask God to help you understand how you will manage the interaction with love. Next, I pray, “Lord, help me accept that things won’t always go as I expect. Take my disappointment. Please help me understand how to manage unmet expectations. I will be thankful for __.”

2. Capture unhealthy thoughts that lead to strong emotions. Ask, what am I thinking right now? Say to yourself, “I want to be controlled by love.” Remind yourself that love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful (1Cor. 13:4-5). Tell yourself that God will help me, I don’t have to be afraid (Heb. 13:6). Ask God how to manage the disappointment as He would. Then pray something like the following. “Lord, take my unhealthy thoughts of ___ and give me the right thoughts according to Your truth and will. Help me submit to Your standard of love and love others and value them as I love and value myself.

3. Admit your hurt feelings, such as not feeling validated or feeling unloved and rejected, and so on. Recognize you are offended and resentful. Forgive those who hurt you or who offended you. Pray for those who mistreat you (Matt 6:12 and 5:44). Be kind and tenderhearted. Forgive as Jesus has forgiven you (Eph. 4:32 & Col. 3:13). Acknowledge that you feel hurt, mad, or afraid because ___. Ask: Do I feel rejected? Unworthy? Unloved? Betrayed? Next, pray something like the following: Lord, I forgive _(person)_ for _(what they did or did not do)_. Take my hurt feelings and resentment from me. Thank You for filling me with Your love and acceptance, in Jesus’ name.

4. Identify wrong beliefs about yourself, others, or God from that disappointing situation. What do I believe about myself at this moment? What do I believe about the person or situation at this moment? Wrong beliefs control your emotions and actions, so identifying and replacing them with correct beliefs will help you transition from feeling emotions to thinking rationally. An incorrect or unhealthy belief is a lie about the true nature of reality, and we need to shine truth into our hearts to correct these lies. For example, if you believe you are not worthy of love, you believe in a lie. It is a faulty conclusion. Replace the unhealthy beliefs with these truths: I have worth, I am accepted and loved, I am complete in Christ, and I am a new creation (Col. 2:9-10; 2Cor. 5:17). I am valuable because I am made in the image of God; this makes me significant (Gen. 1:27). The person who offended me is valuable and worthy of being loved. Next, pray, Lord, remove the influence of evil spirits from my mind, which leads me to hold wrong beliefs. Remove these wrong beliefs from my mind and help me believe your truth about myself and others in Jesus’ name.

5. Confess sinful actions and hurtful behavior. The longer you think unhealthy thoughts, feel angry or sad, and believe lies about yourself and others, the greater the chance you will sin. Ask, “What did I do that hurt another person because of my unloving, out-of-control feelings?” What did I do that disobeyed God’s law of love, as defined in 1Corinthians 13:4-6?” King David said, “I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sins” (Psalm 38:18). The Apostle John said, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1John 1:9). Next, pray, Lord, forgive me for ___. Help me be self-controlled and love others by being at peace, kind, and patient with them, in the name of Jesus.

If you want a PDF of this Victory Plan, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, which helps you have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.

It is beneficial to journal about the things in your past, from your earliest memories of disappointment, resulting in resentments and false beliefs.
Go through this victory plan for each disappointing memory.
Be mindful to breathe deeply as you follow the victory plan and repeat the truth often.
Write down what happened, who was involved, who needs forgiveness, and how you reacted unlovingly. What unhealthy beliefs were created to reinforce wrong thinking?
To learn more about how to be free from past painful memories, read my online book at hopeforcompletehealing.com.

Check out each of my worksheets to uncover hurt feelings from disappointments and become free from their control over your thoughts and actions.

TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues

MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues

SELF-CONTROL Issues

What is An Emotionally Healthy Person?

May God bless you richly as you seek His help to be completely healthy.

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Eliminate Depression with Self-love and God’s Love

What do you think of when you hear self-love and shame? What exactly is self-love? In the last post, I explained that rejection was the root of most depression. What does it feel like to be rejected or unintentionally rejected? I feel unworthy or unlikeable. Rejection hurts and causes a wound in our soul. Our childhood wounds cause us to react the same way we did as children.

My psychologist encouraged me to talk to the hurt little girl inside my adult body. I thought this was weird, but I followed her instructions. As I encouraged and was kind to the hurting little girl, I noticed I didn’t hurt as much. I comforted her when she felt rejected and angry. When I read parenting books to learn how to parent my children, I spoke to my inner child the way I wished my parents would have. I told the little girl she was valuable and worthy of being loved and that I loved her. My self-image improved, and I was not as insecure.

Shame-based Identity

Shame is what you believe about yourself because of trauma and rejection throughout your life. For me, shame became a part of my identity, which perpetuated shame throughout my adult life. You may feel you are flawed and unworthy of being loved. You may think no one can love you because you are not good enough or are ugly. Shame makes you act in self-sabotaging ways to keep people away so they don’t hurt you. You may not be aware that you have a shame-bound identity that is affecting how you think, feel, and act around others.

How do you know if you have a shame-bound identity?

Do you seek validation from others and become depressed if you do not feel validated?
Do you need to be a high achiever to prove your worth, and if you fail, you become depressed?
Do you avoid having intimate relationships for fear you will be rejected?
Are you overly anxious being around people?
Do you find it easier to disassociate or detach from the present and live in a day-dreaming fantasy state?
Do you have an addiction, which does not have to be drugs or alcohol? An addiction is anything you need to self-regulate and soothe your emotions. I wrote a post about addiction, which will help you understand the many addictions we can have.

You needn’t exhibit every symptom. I had most of them.

Sources of Shame

Inattentive or abusive parenting leads to shame and an insecure attachment style. Insecure people fear relationships because they don’t trust people to love them well. On the other hand, some insecure and shame-based people are overly clingy because they seek validation, which adds to feeling rejected when they feel ignored. Validation is seeking approval from others to affirm that you are acceptable and worthy. So, when you don’t feel validated or approved, you will feel rejected and often angry. This was the story of my life until God healed my painful memories and set me free from the stronghold of shame and sadness, which you can read about in Freedom from Humiliation and Mental Strongholds of Shame and Sadness.

I felt shame when I could not regulate my emotions toward others, which was humiliating. My classmates didn’t want to befriend me because I could not relate well to them, which further deepened my shame and rejection. Being poor and having learning problems also added to my shame and humiliation. Shame looks different for each person, resulting in a poor self-image and feeling insecure about your worth.

Because we live in a sinful world with sinful people, everyone will experience humiliation, shame, and rejection. You are not abnormal. It is quite possible that the person you work with feels the same way about themselves as you think about yourself.

The scope of shame is huge, and I won’t be able to cover every aspect, so if you want to learn more, do an internet search. If you discover through my post that you have debilitating shame, please find a trauma therapist who can help you work through shame-based painful memories. I will share what I did to remove shame from my identity.

How to Break Toxic Shame

The good news is that if you are a child of God (John 1:12), Jesus says you are worthy of love. Jesus said in John 13:34, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” You are the apple of His eye. Psalm 17:8 states, “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.” He promises never to leave or forsake you and to help you when you call on Him (Hebrews 13:5-6). The other good news is that if you are not yet a child of God, you can be by believing and receiving Jesus’s forgiveness for your sins and accepting His Spirit into your heart (Eph. 3:16-17).

Healing past hurts and negative self-image helps you discover your true self and conquer shame and depression. Depending on how much shame you endured, this process will take a while, but it is worth it. Read my online book for more details and instructions.

First, find a quiet place to pray for about an hour. Ask God to search your mind and heart to reveal your painful memories associated with shame and poor self-image. Write them down as God brings them up, but do not relive them.

Second, for each painful memory, ask, “Whom do I need to forgive?” Tell the little child in you that it was not their fault and that nothing is wrong with them. The Bible says we must forgive those who sinned against us (Matt. 6:14 and Eph. 4:32), even if their sin is because of their trauma and shame. Forgiveness sets you free from the power of the painful memory.

Third, ask God to show you the unhealthy beliefs you develop about yourself, others, or God from that painful experience. Next, tell the hurting child in you that they are worthy to be loved, they are valuable, and that God loves them. Now, put off those unhealthy beliefs through prayer and in Jesus’ name. Put on true beliefs. Email me for 65 truths to believe about yourself at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com

Self-love Technique

You need to love yourself first before you can love others or receive love. As you go through the healing process, reaffirm that you have worth and value and are worthy of being loved. Early on in my healing process, I would stand in front of the mirror and tell my insecure, shame-based self that I was worthy to be loved, that I was not ugly, that I was a sinner saved by grace, and that I could give grace to others. I said other things, but you get the idea. Remember, people see you through their insecurity and will treat you based on their shame-based identity, so do not adopt their assessment of you. I have to remind myself of that all the time. We all want people to approve of us and treat us with value, but that is unrealistic because we live in a sinful world with equally flawed people. Even church people are dealing with childhood shame and trauma.

Love yourself today, and love someone else because they need it. Abide in God’s love because you need it. Know that I love you. Words have power, use them wisely.

RESOURCES AND RELATED POSTS

Uncover the lies that are destroying your life.

Addiction Strongholds

How to be Free Posts

How to Overcome Depression by God’s Power

Adult Children of Alcoholics^®& Dysfunctional Families

Healing Depression: The Role of Gut Health and Diet – February 23, 2025

How to Overcome Anxiety from Trauma Memories – February 8, 2025

How to Treat General Depression Naturally -March 15, 2025

Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw (I have not read this book, but it was recommended.)

May God bless you richly as you seek His help to be healthy.

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Wise People Do Not Seek Praise

Do you like to be praised and noticed for the things you do? If we were honest, we like to be appreciated and praised. The root cause is feeling insecure and needing praise to feel accepted and validated. Or, do you know someone who makes sure they let you know how great they are and the good things they do? Do you think they have a self-centered need for people’s approval to feel good about themselves?

Jesus said that a wise person is the one who does what He teaches. In this next lesson, you will learn how to get our approval and reward from our Father in Heaven.

In Matthew 6:1-4, Jesus tells us, “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.

²“Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

³But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, ⁴so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

This passage begins with the word “beware,” which means to be careful or cautious. Why would Jesus begin with the warning to be careful? He knows we struggle with self-centered pride that desires human approval. It is tempting to make sure others notice our good works or right living to feel acceptance from people we admire. Wise people fear God and seek to obey and please Him, not people. Wise people care more about God’s approval than man’s approval.

What are some things we do to practice our righteousness before people? The second verse answers this question. The words “thus, or “so when” are followed by an action. For example, “Thus, when you give to the needy.” It is okay if people see you giving, but when you announce it to receive praise or compare yourself to what others give, that is what Jesus warns us not to do. Jesus said in Matthew 5:16, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Why is giving to the needy a work of faith?

James 2:14-18 explains, “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? ¹⁵If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, ¹⁶and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? ¹⁷So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. ¹⁸But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” Giving to the poor also shows that you are a follower of Jesus Christ. Mark10:21 states, “And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, ‘You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.’” Again, Jesus is testing the motivation of the man’s heart, which He already knew. Our reward will be the treasure in heaven.

Examine your motive for giving. If public notice is the motivating factor, then it is your only reward. Our motivation for giving to those in need should be out of love. 1John 3:10 tells us, “By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.” Loving others is evidence that we love God. 1John 5:2-3 states, “By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. ³For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.”

Conclusion

God’s reward for the good we do is immeasurable. Luke 6:38 states, “Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Also consider what King Solomon said in Proverbs 19:17, “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will repay him for his deed.” Proverbs 11:24, “One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.” Proverbs 11:25, “Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.”

I pray God blesses you as you practice righteousness to gain His reward.

9—God Promises to Give You a New Life

Did you ever dream of living a different life, and what that would be like? I have been reflecting on the Scripture verses about living a new life for several weeks. I have been challenged to think differently, speak differently, and react differently. By differently, I mean think as Christ thinks, speak as Christ would speak, and respond with love like Christ. So why don’t I live like Jesus Christ, who lived a life of love?

How do we get a new life?

Our new life begins by changing wrong thinking and belief patterns to reflect the love of God. We also need to put off self-centered pride, that only thinks about ourselves. The same miracle that raised Jesus from the dead also raises us from the deadness of our sin so we can live a new life. Romans 8:11 states, “If the Spirit of him [God] who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.” Also, 1John 4:13 &15 states, “By this we know that we abide in him [God] and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.” Verse 15: “Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.” The Holy Spirit of God not only gives us life but helps us to live a new life, but we first must choose to walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:16-17 explain, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.”

The Apostle Paul explains in 2Corinthians 5:17 the following, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” The new life we are to live can only be lived through Jesus Christ, as explained in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” “And he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised” – 2Corinthians 5:15. Think for a moment about what a day in your life would look like if you lived through Christ Jesus? 1John 4:9 states, “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.”

How should Christ’s death and resurrection change us?

Remember, you can only change yourself; you can’t change anyone else. How would your life look different because of what Jesus did for you on the cross? Colossians 2:13-15 states, “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, ¹⁴by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. ¹⁵He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.” The work of the devil in our lives has been disarmed and we are free from the devil’s control through our sinful flesh. 1John 3:8 states, “Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.” But we need to always humbly submit to God and resist the devil (James 4:6-7).

Read and ponder each passage below and think about how you can apply the passage to your life.

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. –Romans 6:4

Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God. –Romans 7:4

In him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, ¹²having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead. –Colossians 2:11-12

Who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification. –Romans 4:25

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. –Colossians 3:1

Before we knew Christ Jesus, we were dead in our sins (Eph. 2:1), but when we believe and seek His forgiveness, we are set free from the control of sin (Rom. 6:22-23). Our sinful nature should not control our new life. We will struggle with unhealthy beliefs and wanting things our way, so we need to consider ourselves dead to self-centered pride and seek to love others as God loves. As you want others to love you, so you should love others in the same way.

How do we live through Christ?

Here is how you know you are living through Jesus Christ and not through your sinful flesh. I still struggle with my sinful flesh, but as I submit to God, I have the victory. 1Peter 3:8-9 tells us, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. ⁹Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.”

- Do you have unity of mind with those you live with and fellowship at church with?
- Are you sympathetic to those around you?
- Do you have brotherly love for those who are hard to love?
- Do you have a tender heart towards those who are struggling?
- Are you humble and do not insist on your way as the only or best way?
- Do you bless those who irritate you or make you angry? Or do you return an insult from the offense you feel? We can bless people by being patient, gentle, kind, peaceful, and so on.
- Are you servant-minded like Jesus? Philippians 2:3-8 explains:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

⁴Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

⁵Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ⁶who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

⁸And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Conclusion:

As long as we are in our bodies, we will battle our sinful desires to please our self-centered, prideful flesh. We need to remind ourselves of our new life in Christ and decide to live by the Spirit in us, not our old sinful flesh. Romans 8:5-6 states, “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. ⁶For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” You can’t do this in your strength, which is why we need to put on Jesus Christ and keep Him on. Romans 13:14 tells us to “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” We also need to consider ourselves as dead to sin. Romans 6:11 tells us, “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.” My online book explains how a person can live a new life and have a new destiny.

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