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Practicing Healthy Conflicts – an Example.

Do you realize how often you have conflicts with people? This week, I had the opportunity to practice having a healthy conflict with a church member. We live in a world with inconsiderate people, including ourselves, so we have many opportunities to practice healthy conflicts. I was amazed at how often my husband and I conflicted on various issues.

I want to add one more healthy practice to the Victory Plan: When you feel emotional about a situation, do not address the issue with the person at that moment. Do not send a text or email while you are emotional because you can’t take back your words. Please refer to my post titled “How to Develop Emotional Resilience.” Romans 12:17-18 states, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” The Apostle Paul gave this mandate to us, which seems impossible, but all things are possible with God (Matt 19:26). Continually praying will help you become emotionally healthy because as soon as you are disappointed or offended, you will give it to God before it turns into resentment.

Conflict at Church

I didn’t attend the church workday. My husband told me that they removed items from the storage closets and the storage room. I found that my Armor of God props had gone missing. I’ve previously disagreed with the custodian concerning his lack of appreciation for things I considered important. He thought the props were never used, so he got rid of them. He didn’t think to ask or put them in my classroom to see if I still wanted them. I became offended because they were on the top shelf and did not bother anyone. He cleared out everything but the toolbox, leaving all the shelves empty. Why? I was disappointed and annoyed.

My husband said he saw some swords and helmets in the donation trailer, but the trailer was locked. I found the person responsible and asked him for the key so I could look for my props. He said they weren’t in the trailer. That is when I should have walked away, because I got emotional and blurted out, “Did you throw them away?” In a huff, I walked past some people who observed the interaction. I prayed and went through the victory steps to deal with my emotions and quickly calmed down. The items are replaceable, and though I was disappointed and annoyed, I didn’t need to be resentful toward the person. Remember, everything we do is to be done in love (1Cor 16:14).

Recognizing continued conflict.

When you go to bed, do you mentally rehearse how you have been wronged? Do you imagine what you should have said or done, or will say, or do to the person who offended you? Not everyone can understand this because they go to sleep as soon as their head hits the pillow. Before going to sleep, I mentally replay my day, plan the next, and sometimes rehearse conflicts. If you struggle to go to sleep because you can’t stop thinking about a conflict, you need to go through the steps in the Victory plan. I have them memorized because disappointment happens all the time. 1Peter 3:10-11 states, “For ‘Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.’”

Forgiving and Resolving the Conflict

That night, I could not sleep; I was still very upset about how inconsiderate he was. He didn’t think he did anything wrong. But I had to forgive him. As soon as I forgave him, I could go to sleep. A day later, I texted him apologizing for showing my frustration with him. I said I forgive him and explained it was only replaceable stuff. He voiced his frustration concerning the women’s absence on the cleanup day. He gave me an ultimatum that within 30 days, I had to clean out the children’s program supply closets in the storage room. I got hot again, but I immediately went through the emotional resilience post’s victory steps and calmed down. Colossians 3:13 states, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Let’s be honest, some people are hard to bear and forgive.

That evening at church, I decided to thank him for all his great work around the church and for wanting to make the church less cluttered. Remember, everyone wants to feel appreciated and valued. Conflict resolution starts with thanksgiving not complaining. While I was in a meeting with two other ladies, who work with the children, I saw him bring all my Armor of God props into my classroom. I was grateful. Then I asked him to show me and the two other ladies what closets he wanted us to clean out and what his issue was with the closets. This made him feel heard and valued. I requested an extension beyond 30 days; he granted it, limiting it to one year. He felt valued, and we weren’t under his ultimatum.

Conclusion

Conflicts occur more often than you realize, so you must learn how to remain at peace with everyone and not return an insult for an insult. 1Peter 3:9 states, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” When you exchange resentment with forgiveness and complaining with thankfulness, you stay in peace and give a blessing. Remember, we all create conflicts, and no one will meet your expectations perfectly.

If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com. This Victory Pan helps you to have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.

May God bless you richly as you live in peace with everyone.

How to Recognize and Eliminate Emotional Cancer

How to Dig up the Unforgiving Belief to Grow in Love

How a Pure Heart is a Godly Heart

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

How to Have a Healthy Argument or Conflict

What makes an argument healthy or unhealthy? Why are people argumentative? How do you effectively communicate with an argumentative person? How do you overcome an argumentative spirit? This post answers these questions and how to have a healthy argument to resolve conflicts.

Unhealthy Arguing

We know argumentative individuals and what it means to be argumentative. Unhealthy arguing focuses on speaking your mind and proving you are right and the other person is wrong. An argumentative person does not care about the other person, only proving they are right. We are familiar with people who are disagreeable or oppositional about something or everything. So, how do you have a healthy argument with them? There are many articles about this topic, but the best way is to agree they are right even though you don’t entirely agree. Also, tell them something you like or are thankful for about them. This approach will appease the argumentative person’s pride, so you can ask them if you can share your perspective. Not always, but most of the time, if they know you agree with them, they are willing to hear your thoughts; more about that later. If they cross their arms, it means they are skeptical or really don’t want to listen to your perspective. If they don’t receive your input, give it to God in prayer because you can’t make them be open-minded. I have seen God work in amazing ways with people.

Most people who argue or oppose have a spirit of pride. Pride says, I am better than you, and you can’t tell me what to do or imply I am wrong. A prideful person does not value others’ desires or thoughts, only their own. They will call you names and accuse you of being wrong and doing things you did not do to shame you for disagreeing with or opposing them. Modern-day psychology would say a prideful person is a narcissist, and that is true.

No one wins an unhealthy argument, and everyone feels resentful. Resentment is the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult (Dictionary.com, 2025). People want to feel appreciated, valued, and having worth. When resentment sets in, no one wins, and the relationship deteriorates. Working through resentment requires forgiving and asking God to transform unhealthy beliefs about yourself and the other person involved. My website book explains how to overcome resentment.

Healthy Arguing

A healthy argument is when two or more people humbly and respectfully present their points of view and genuinely care about the other people involved. Sometimes, you want to convince or persuade someone to do something or believe a certain way. For example, I grew up in both a Republican and Democrat family. I understand both perspectives and respect people who hold either ideology. As an adult, I made a moral choice to be Republican because I believe God creates life, and all life is valuable in his sight, so aborting a baby because you don’t want it is a sin. Now, I try to persuade or convince my democrat friends why abortion is killing a baby with a heartbeat at 10 weeks and why adoption is a better choice. I worked for a Crisis Pregnancy Center in a college town and became the Assistant Director for several years. I was never successful at convincing my Democrat friends to value the life of a baby. I did convince a few young, pregnant college girls to either keep their baby or give it up for adoption.

Suppose you desire a change in your family but expect conflict. You must understand that no one likes to change because we tend to be selfish and self-centered and want things our way. You may wish to resolve a conflict caused by a friend or relative. In my last post, I explained how to respond to criticism in a healthy way. When you discuss conflicting desires and perspectives, it may feel like criticism. Reread my last post to understand and resolve your internal conflict with criticism.

Healthy Strategy for Resolving Conflicts

I have a great strategy for resolving conflict that my husband and I use successfully to discuss sensitive topics. We were taught this in a relationship class. The goal is to build understanding and connection. I call it the pen method, but any object will work. We use a pen, because you can easily find one. The rules of engagement are never to say “you” but only “I feel…” or “I hope…”, “I look forward to…”, and so on. Remember, every conflict or argument has different perspectives. You want to help the other person see your perspective and understand theirs. Before you begin, pray for God’s humble spirit to guide you and to give each of you understanding. Remember, “Do all things with love (1Cor. 16:14).”

The person with the object (i.e., a pen) calmly and respectfully shares their feelings or desired outcome. They identify the conflict from their perspective.
Hand the pen to the other person, who says, “Let me see if I understand…” “Is that what you feel (or mean or want)…?”
If they say no, either hand the pen back or ask a clarification question and return it to the other person so they can explain their perspective again.
The other person is actively listening and trying to understand, not thinking about their perspective only and how to convince the other person to accept their perspective.
Continue until the issue is understood.
The second person now has the pen and will use “I” statements. Remember, you want to keep the focus on your perspective without being critical. Your goal is to resolve the conflict, not escalate the conflict that will build up resentment and destroy the relationship.
Once the problem or issue is understood, work through a solution because each person has a different perspective on resolving the conflict or reaching a desired outcome.
Remember to stay humble, respectful, and empathetic. Everything we do is to be done in love.
The solution or expectations need to be reasonable and mutually agreed upon.

You may be thinking, “Yeah, that sounds great, but I am dealing with a narcissist.” Pray and give it to God because you can only change yourself and your attitude; you can’t change anyone else.

Many articles explain how to have healthy conflicts. The following article is not the same pen method for resolving conflict. Improving Connection When it Counts – Using the PEN Method: Shifting from disagreements to connection during holidays and beyond.

If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, which helps you have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.

RELATED POSTS

How Pride Destroys

How to Eliminate the “My Way is Better” Belief to Sustain Peace

How to Convert Pridefulness to Gentleness and Humility

How Does a Wise Person Treat Other People?

A Wise Person Seeks Peace and Reconciliation

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Respond to Criticism

Is your response to criticism healthy? Why do you get angry or sad when you feel criticized? Most people think mental health issues are anxiety and depression, which is true. Your mental health also shows in how you process criticism, disagreement, or an argumentative person. A mentally healthy person responds in two ways: they either reflect and accept or dismiss and ignore. Getting angry, defensive, and taking it personally is not healthy. I explained in a previous post how to build emotional resilience when facing disappointment, hurt, or loss. In this post, I will explain how to respond to criticism, disagreement, and arguments, which is the same process.

Acknowledge your disappointment that someone is upset or disagrees with you.
Capture unhealthy thoughts that lead to strong emotions. Pray and give them to God.
Admit your hurt feelings, such as not feeling validated or feeling unloved and rejected, and so on. Recognize that you are offended and resentful. Pray.
Identify wrong beliefs. Wrong beliefs control your emotions and actions, so identifying and replacing them with correct beliefs will help you transition from feeling emotions to thinking rationally.
Be aware of strong feelings that lead to sinful actions or hurtful words.

Why We Don’t Like to Be Criticized.

I don’t know anyone who likes to be criticized or disagreed with. Why? Deep down, we want people to think well of us and tell us how great we are. We want to be validated. Remember, validation is seeking approval from others to affirm that you are acceptable and worthy. So, when you don’t feel validated or approved, you will feel rejected and often angry.

If you have been reading my posts, you know I had a new supervisor who did not like me. She told another employee that she hated Christians, and she knew I was a Christian. I trusted God and allowed the adversity she caused me to make me more like Christ. She even fabricated my evaluation to make me look bad, which was supposed to be filled out by the professors I worked with. Previous evaluations were great, with some suggestions for improvement. This supervisor also manipulated other professors to say negative things about me. They felt terrible later when they found out what was happening. She had a lot of childhood trauma and was very angry. God used this situation to help me work through my childhood trauma, and I submitted my painful memories to God to heal. I identified many strongholds that controlled my reactions and tore them down with God’s help. I am now thankful that God put me through that difficult time so I can be free.

Why I Took Criticism Personally.

I wanted to please others to gain their admiration and respect, which is rooted in pride. Some of us will argue our point of view and demean those who disagree with us, which is often driven by pride. Do you think you must be correct and no one should disagree with you? Yep, pride. Prideful people are emotionally draining. During my ordeal with the new supervisor, God showed me I had a spirit of pride. When people criticized me, my pride would tell me, “They had no right to blame me or tell me I am wrong or bad; I do great work.” My pride would get angry when someone dismissed my idea or suggestion. My pride would get hurt when someone disagreed with me. Pride is very destructive because it is inward-focused. Humility does not take criticism or disrespect personally. The spirit of pride was rooted in my childhood traumas. As you read the following Scripture, ask God to search your heart and mind and show you what is in them. Responding to criticism well depends on meekness and wisdom.

James 3:13-18 – Wisdom from Above

13) Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct, let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.

14) But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.

15) This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

16) For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

17) But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

18) And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Two Ways to Respond to Criticism.

First, consider the source. Is the person being respectful, gentle, and kind in explaining a problem they see? Do you respect that person as having integrity? Do they offer improvement suggestions? If yes, then prayerfully reflect on what they are pointing out and suggesting.

Second, some people are argumentative, critical, and disagreeable because they are hurting inside. They may have childhood issues from being criticized and discounted by family or teachers. This kind of criticism should be ignored and not taken personally. Often, people reflect their insecurity and pride by criticizing or arguing. Getting defensive and arguing back only empowers the other person. The best way to handle this kind of person is to say thank you and walk away. You cannot reason constructively with a person who is acting out of their wounded soul.

Here is a helpful article I found: How to Handle Criticism Gracefully: 12 Pro Tips.

If you want a PDF of the Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Anxiety, and Depression, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com. The Victory Plan helps you to have a healthy mindset.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Breaking Emotional Addictions

Did you know that anxiety and sadness produce stress that often becomes addictive? I was born in a stressful home, which set me up to be addicted to stress brain chemicals. As an adult, my brain continues to conjure up images of family members rejecting me, which makes me sad, angry, and anxious. I asked God why I was doing this. God showed me I was addicted to the feeling of sadness and anxiety. God also showed me an addiction to anger, which was the first stronghold He broke in my life. Read about it here. I didn’t feel peace, joy, or love. A great article to read is “Are You Addicted to Stress?“

Replace Anxiety, Sadness, and Anger with Peace, Joy, and Love

Ask yourself three questions. Do I feel peace, and how often, on a scale of 1 to 10? Do I feel joy, and how often, on a scale of 1 to 10? Do I feel love, and how often, on a scale of 1 to 10? If you do not feel peace, ask God why. Let Him show you what you are worried about that you may not be aware of. If you do not feel joy, ask God to show you what you are sad or angry about. Often, resentment stemming from past hurts prevents us from experiencing joy. If you don’t feel loved, ask God why. You may need to forgive those who did not validate or accept you, even childhood friends. Remember, every action, whether good or bad, creates a thought, a related emotion, a belief, and a subsequent action. God is our healer, and He wants you to be healed entirely, which includes mental healing.

I am keeping this post brief so you can take the time to read a terrific post, Why You Can’t Let Go of Worry and Anxiety by pkadams Blue Skies and Green Pastures

Conclusion

There is hope for complete healing and becoming free from the addiction to emotional stress. You may need to see a trauma counselor to help you navigate why you continue to be anxious, sad, or angry. My online book will also help you understand what is happening inside your heart and how to overcome to feel peace, joy, and love. My last post is a good starting point.

RELATED POSTS

What Controls Your Thoughts?

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Mental Health Posts

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Develop Emotional Resilience

Are you naturally positive and happy from the time you were a child? If so, you have tremendous emotional resilience. Most people, however, are not emotionally resilient. You may think you don’t let hurtful people affect your thoughts, but they do. The phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is untrue. Words and actions are powerful.

So, what is emotional resilience? The article Why Emotional Resilience Is a Trait You Can Develop explains, “Those with a higher degree of emotional resilience can handle the stresses that come with daily life more effectively and calmly. They are also able to manage crises and mean people more easily.” In this post, you will learn how to develop emotional resilience in the face of most events involving disappointment, loss, and offense.

What Causes an Emotional Crisis?

Offenses, loss, and disappointments of varying degrees cause emotional crises. Some examples could be: Your parents didn’t get you something you wanted when you were a child. Guests arrive late, and your meal is ruined. Your pet dies. The store ran out of your favorite chocolate. You or your child fails an exam. You get a flat tire at night. You don’t get the promotion or job you want. A friend gossips about you. We face many disappointments, losses, and offenses throughout our lives, often daily. What is your natural reaction?

I can only speak for myself and what I have observed in others. Most people are disappointed by unmet expectations (stated or unstated) and become angry, frustrated, withdrawn, or depressed. When someone fails to meet your expectations, you may feel invalidated and not valued. Validation is the act of affirming a person or their ideas, feelings, actions, etc., as acceptable and worthy (Dictionary.com, 2025). Not feeling validated or valued creates a host of unhealthy beliefs about yourself that lead to shame and unloving behavior.

Some disappointments and offenses may never be resolved, and we need to accept them. For example, I never saw my father again after he left when I was 15 years old. It made me feel unvalued and insecure. I developed betrayal and abandonment issues and strongholds. Many years later, when I grieved that loss, forgave him, and asked God to heal the memory and release my resentment, then I had peace. Perhaps you were wronged by a friend or coworker or felt wronged. Often, people unintentionally offend us but do not mean to; they aren’t thinking and need grace.

Emotional Resilient Way to Handle Disappointment, Loss, and Offenses

Who would you rather be around? A grateful person or a constant complainer? Which are you? Focusing on what you can be thankful for creates positive emotions. The more you recount what you are disappointed or offended about, the more negative feelings and resentment you develop. Being thankful creates peace and joy.

What do you think when someone says you are overreacting? Do you get more emotional? To be emotionally resilient, you need to redirect your emotional response from the amygdala (the emotional brain center) to the prefrontal cortex (the logical, reasoning, and thinking brain center). I realize that the sooner I pray about the situation instead of stewing about it, the sooner I can control my emotions.

The first step is to recognize the progression of emotional reactions. Second, learn how to transfer the emotional response from the amygdala to the logical thinking prefrontal cortex. I initially designed this list to help me regulate my emotions better. Then, I further developed it to help a young boy who was very depressed and whose anger was off the charts. I shared this list in my county jail Bible study, which helped the girls understand how to control their anger and despairing thoughts.

Acknowledge your emotions. What are you feeling? Sad, angry, frustrated, depressed, etc. Has anyone asked you to identify your feelings using a list of faces? This is good for children. Helping children identify their emotions is the first step to teaching them to be emotionally resilient. Expressing your feelings helps you move out of the amygdala and the fight, flight, and freeze modes.
Identify the expectation that was not met. Now, you are thinking and not reacting.
Ask yourself if your expectation was unspoken, but you assumed the other person or people knew what you expected. Now, you are being logical.
If you stated your expectation, did the other person/people acknowledge or understand it, and did they agree to fulfill it? Now, you are reasoning.

Let’s say you expected the dishes to be washed and put away, and the kitchen to be clean when you got home, and you had made your expectations known. You come home after several hours, the dishes are not done, and the kitchen is not cleaned. What do you do? The following “Victory Plan” takes practice, which we get plenty of in this fallen world. Remember, everything you do is to be done in love (1 Cor. 16:14).

I want to add one more healthy practice to the Victory Plan: When you feel emotional about a situation, do not address the issue with the person at that moment. Do not send a text or email while you are emotional because you can’t take back your words. Romans 12:17-18 states, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” The Apostle Paul gave this mandate to us, which seems impossible, but all things are possible with God (Matt 19:26). Continually praying will help you become emotionally healthy because as soon as you are disappointed or offended, you will give it to God before it turns into resentment.

VICTORY PLAN OVER ANGER, DEPRESSION, and ANXIETY

1. Acknowledge your disappointment. Ask, “What can I be thankful for?” Disappointment from unmet expectations can leave you feeling angry or sad, but you don’t want to ruin a relationship with your anger or silence. Recall the following truth: “I can rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and be thankful in everything for this is the will of God…” (1Thes.5:16-18). When I’m upset, I stop and ask myself what has disappointed me. I pray and surrender my hurt feelings to God, asking what I can be thankful for instead. You should talk to the person who disappointed you, so ask God to help you understand how you will manage the interaction with love. Next, I pray, “Lord, help me accept that things won’t always go as I expect. Take my disappointment. Please help me understand how to manage unmet expectations. I will be thankful for __.”

2. Capture unhealthy thoughts that lead to strong emotions. Ask, what am I thinking right now? Say to yourself, “I want to be controlled by love.” Remind yourself that love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful (1Cor. 13:4-5). Tell yourself that God will help me, I don’t have to be afraid (Heb. 13:6). Ask God how to manage the disappointment as He would. Then pray something like the following. “Lord, take my unhealthy thoughts of ___ and give me the right thoughts according to Your truth and will. Help me submit to Your standard of love and love others and value them as I love and value myself.

3. Admit your hurt feelings, such as not feeling validated or feeling unloved and rejected, and so on. Recognize you are offended and resentful. Forgive those who hurt you or who offended you. Pray for those who mistreat you (Matt 6:12 and 5:44). Be kind and tenderhearted. Forgive as Jesus has forgiven you (Eph. 4:32 & Col. 3:13). Acknowledge that you feel hurt, mad, or afraid because ___. Ask: Do I feel rejected? Unworthy? Unloved? Betrayed? Next, pray something like the following: Lord, I forgive _(person)_ for _(what they did or did not do)_. Take my hurt feelings and resentment from me. Thank You for filling me with Your love and acceptance, in Jesus’ name.

4. Identify wrong beliefs about yourself, others, or God from that disappointing situation. What do I believe about myself at this moment? What do I believe about the person or situation at this moment? Wrong beliefs control your emotions and actions, so identifying and replacing them with correct beliefs will help you transition from feeling emotions to thinking rationally. An incorrect or unhealthy belief is a lie about the true nature of reality, and we need to shine truth into our hearts to correct these lies. For example, if you believe you are not worthy of love, you believe in a lie. It is a faulty conclusion. Replace the unhealthy beliefs with these truths: I have worth, I am accepted and loved, I am complete in Christ, and I am a new creation (Col. 2:9-10; 2Cor. 5:17). I am valuable because I am made in the image of God; this makes me significant (Gen. 1:27). The person who offended me is valuable and worthy of being loved. Next, pray, Lord, remove the influence of evil spirits from my mind, which leads me to hold wrong beliefs. Remove these wrong beliefs from my mind and help me believe your truth about myself and others in Jesus’ name.

5. Confess sinful actions and hurtful behavior. The longer you think unhealthy thoughts, feel angry or sad, and believe lies about yourself and others, the greater the chance you will sin. Ask, “What did I do that hurt another person because of my unloving, out-of-control feelings?” What did I do that disobeyed God’s law of love, as defined in 1Corinthians 13:4-6?” King David said, “I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sins” (Psalm 38:18). The Apostle John said, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1John 1:9). Next, pray, Lord, forgive me for ___. Help me be self-controlled and love others by being at peace, kind, and patient with them, in the name of Jesus.

If you want a PDF of this Victory Plan, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, which helps you have a healthy mindset for healthy conflicts.

It is beneficial to journal about the things in your past, from your earliest memories of disappointment, resulting in resentments and false beliefs.
Go through this victory plan for each disappointing memory.
Be mindful to breathe deeply as you follow the victory plan and repeat the truth often.
Write down what happened, who was involved, who needs forgiveness, and how you reacted unlovingly. What unhealthy beliefs were created to reinforce wrong thinking?
To learn more about how to be free from past painful memories, read my online book at hopeforcompletehealing.com.

Check out each of my worksheets to uncover hurt feelings from disappointments and become free from their control over your thoughts and actions.

TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues

MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues

SELF-CONTROL Issues

What is An Emotionally Healthy Person?

May God bless you richly as you seek His help to be completely healthy.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

How to Treat General Depression Naturally

Do you think that depression is a fact of life? Or do you think it is based on a person’s temperament? I guess it depends. My husband has never suffered from depression, except for getting upset about being laid off; otherwise, he is a positive, upbeat guy. Some people are positive people who focus on being thankful and believe that problems provide opportunities. But if you experience depression, it’s a normal part of coping with life in a flawed world. Even King David and the Apostle Paul suffered from occasional depression. Both men hoped in God, which helped to lift their spirits.

I have learned to recognize depression and how self-talk, self-love, and hope in God help me overcome my depression. Though sometimes you can’t lift your soul out of the pit. For me, depression feels like a heavy oppression or a dark, lonely pit. I feel agitated and easily frustrated by little things. I have had to rely on medication temporarily to help me get out of the pit. If a person stays in the pit long-term, their chances of committing suicide are high. If you see a family member or friend not enjoying life, isolating themselves, solely talking about their problems, or even wanting to die, please help them find someone to talk to. Some people need someone else to come alongside them to help them get out of the pit of depression.

Using Anti-Depressant Medication

Some depressions require medications to increase serotonin, dopamine, and GABA neurotransmitters. Some people feel shame when they are depressed. There is no shame; it is a natural reaction to stress and anxiety from trauma or disappointments in life. How do you know you need medication?

If you have long periods where you feel worried or empty.
You have a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Restless or irritable.
Changes in eating, sleeping, or other habits.
Thinking of death and suicide.

For example, I was irritable with my husband many years ago. He asked me what was wrong. I thought about it and realized I was depressed because my oldest son went to the county jail for a few months. So, I took two natural antidepressants: St. John’s Wort and 5HTP. It is best to take 5HTP in the morning and St. John’s Wort before bed because they have different effects on the brain. St John’s Wort helps you relax, which helps with sleep problems. Taking natural medications was my choice because I am oversensitive to chemical medicines. My mother took every form of anti-depressant for most of her life, so I know they all work to varying degrees. The only problem was that she needed to change the type of medication and the dosage often, which required regular visits to a psychiatrist. My aunt is a psychiatrist, so she has educated me as well.

After a month of taking 5HTP and St. John’s Wort, I was back to my usual self and stopped taking them a month later. However, if you have a genetic brain issue like bipolar depression or psychosis, you should never stop taking your medication because it helps the brain function properly. If you or a family member have thoughts of death or suicide, please seek a Christian professional counselor. This type of depression is helped by medication and psychotherapy. Depression affects every aspect of your life, from family relationships to friendships, job, physical health, etc. So, it must be treated as you need to treat a cold or diabetes.

My husband took a job where he struggled to keep up with the workload. Everyone in the office was stressed and struggled to keep up and deal with hostile, nasty clients. They all hated their jobs and were not nice to each other. His boss was constantly on him about being behind, though he was nearly caught up by the end of each month. The constant stress and negativity affected his mood, so he took 5HTP in the mornings and decided to positively influence his office, do his best each day, and accept being behind like everyone else. This helped him immensely, but he knew he needed another job to be mentally healthy. When he left the office, his co-workers were so sad because he improved the mood of the office through his positivity.

Bipolar depression is a brain disorder that often requires medication to regulate. I did an internet search and found some alternative therapies that help lessen bipolar depression. Here are a few.

Verywell Mind

WebMd –Treating Bipolar Depression Without Medication: What to Know

Psychology Today

Christian Counseling and Self-help Books

I went to many non-Christian, Christian, and pastoral counselors, who suggested how I could manage my emotional pain, but there was no lasting change. I attended abuse recovery groups, like one by Dan Allender, which helped some. I read a lot of self-help books, which was also beneficial.

One author suggested writing a letter detailing what the person did that hurt you. Then, for each offense, write that you forgive them. Next, write something you are thankful for in each situation. He said not to send the letter to the person, but imagine they are sitting across from you and you read the letter to them. He suggested setting an empty chair in front of you as you read the letter to them. Acknowledging the painful memories, forgiving, and being thankful began my journey to being mentally healthy. I was still depressed because of my abusive marriage. I also still had many unhealthy beliefs about myself, others, and God, which kept me stuck in shame and depression.

I wondered how a healthy person is supposed to act, so I read Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and practiced its principles. I wasn’t perfect, but improving is always good. Also, reading Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard and Healing Codes by Drs. Lloyd and Johnson helped me understand the role of memories and unhealthy beliefs. Listening to CDs on Healing Your Soul by Kati Sousa and Seven Prayers that Heal the Heart by Mark Verkler taught me how to heal my childhood memories and replace unhealthy beliefs with the truth. You can read about my healing journey on my website, hopeforcompletehealing.com.

It is necessary to get Christian counseling that focuses on healing past trauma issues through prayer, forgiveness, and being thankful, which stops painful memories from controlling your thoughts. Trauma, which I explained in my anxiety posts, leads to anxiety and depression. Dark genre choices in media and books make depression and suicidal thoughts worse. Put encouraging words and music into your mind to help you focus on what you can be thankful for, not what makes you unhappy.

CONCLUSION

Many people experience depression. Staying in the pit of depression for a long time can lead to relationship problems and suicidal thoughts. Often, we need others to help us get out of the pit and get mentally well again. Sometimes, we need medication to help us get out of the pit. Seeking treatment for depression is not shameful. Worshiping and hoping in God lifts you out of the pit. Psalm 40:2 states, “He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.” Also, read Psalm 42.

RELATED POSTS:

Eliminate Depression with Self-love and God’s Love – March 8, 2025
Conquering Depression by Healing Thoughts and Memories – March 1, 2025
Healing Depression: The Role of Gut Health and Diet – February 23, 2025
How to Overcome Depression by God’s Power – February 15, 2025
How to Overcome Anxiety from Trauma Memories – February 8, 2025

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Eliminate Depression with Self-love and God’s Love

What do you think of when you hear self-love and shame? What exactly is self-love? In the last post, I explained that rejection was the root of most depression. What does it feel like to be rejected or unintentionally rejected? I feel unworthy or unlikeable. Rejection hurts and causes a wound in our soul. Our childhood wounds cause us to react the same way we did as children.

My psychologist encouraged me to talk to the hurt little girl inside my adult body. I thought this was weird, but I followed her instructions. As I encouraged and was kind to the hurting little girl, I noticed I didn’t hurt as much. I comforted her when she felt rejected and angry. When I read parenting books to learn how to parent my children, I spoke to my inner child the way I wished my parents would have. I told the little girl she was valuable and worthy of being loved and that I loved her. My self-image improved, and I was not as insecure.

Shame-based Identity

Shame is what you believe about yourself because of trauma and rejection throughout your life. For me, shame became a part of my identity, which perpetuated shame throughout my adult life. You may feel you are flawed and unworthy of being loved. You may think no one can love you because you are not good enough or are ugly. Shame makes you act in self-sabotaging ways to keep people away so they don’t hurt you. You may not be aware that you have a shame-bound identity that is affecting how you think, feel, and act around others.

How do you know if you have a shame-bound identity?

Do you seek validation from others and become depressed if you do not feel validated?
Do you need to be a high achiever to prove your worth, and if you fail, you become depressed?
Do you avoid having intimate relationships for fear you will be rejected?
Are you overly anxious being around people?
Do you find it easier to disassociate or detach from the present and live in a day-dreaming fantasy state?
Do you have an addiction, which does not have to be drugs or alcohol? An addiction is anything you need to self-regulate and soothe your emotions. I wrote a post about addiction, which will help you understand the many addictions we can have.

You needn’t exhibit every symptom. I had most of them.

Sources of Shame

Inattentive or abusive parenting leads to shame and an insecure attachment style. Insecure people fear relationships because they don’t trust people to love them well. On the other hand, some insecure and shame-based people are overly clingy because they seek validation, which adds to feeling rejected when they feel ignored. Validation is seeking approval from others to affirm that you are acceptable and worthy. So, when you don’t feel validated or approved, you will feel rejected and often angry. This was the story of my life until God healed my painful memories and set me free from the stronghold of shame and sadness, which you can read about in Freedom from Humiliation and Mental Strongholds of Shame and Sadness.

I felt shame when I could not regulate my emotions toward others, which was humiliating. My classmates didn’t want to befriend me because I could not relate well to them, which further deepened my shame and rejection. Being poor and having learning problems also added to my shame and humiliation. Shame looks different for each person, resulting in a poor self-image and feeling insecure about your worth.

Because we live in a sinful world with sinful people, everyone will experience humiliation, shame, and rejection. You are not abnormal. It is quite possible that the person you work with feels the same way about themselves as you think about yourself.

The scope of shame is huge, and I won’t be able to cover every aspect, so if you want to learn more, do an internet search. If you discover through my post that you have debilitating shame, please find a trauma therapist who can help you work through shame-based painful memories. I will share what I did to remove shame from my identity.

How to Break Toxic Shame

The good news is that if you are a child of God (John 1:12), Jesus says you are worthy of love. Jesus said in John 13:34, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” You are the apple of His eye. Psalm 17:8 states, “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.” He promises never to leave or forsake you and to help you when you call on Him (Hebrews 13:5-6). The other good news is that if you are not yet a child of God, you can be by believing and receiving Jesus’s forgiveness for your sins and accepting His Spirit into your heart (Eph. 3:16-17).

Healing past hurts and negative self-image helps you discover your true self and conquer shame and depression. Depending on how much shame you endured, this process will take a while, but it is worth it. Read my online book for more details and instructions.

First, find a quiet place to pray for about an hour. Ask God to search your mind and heart to reveal your painful memories associated with shame and poor self-image. Write them down as God brings them up, but do not relive them.

Second, for each painful memory, ask, “Whom do I need to forgive?” Tell the little child in you that it was not their fault and that nothing is wrong with them. The Bible says we must forgive those who sinned against us (Matt. 6:14 and Eph. 4:32), even if their sin is because of their trauma and shame. Forgiveness sets you free from the power of the painful memory.

Third, ask God to show you the unhealthy beliefs you develop about yourself, others, or God from that painful experience. Next, tell the hurting child in you that they are worthy to be loved, they are valuable, and that God loves them. Now, put off those unhealthy beliefs through prayer and in Jesus’ name. Put on true beliefs. Email me for 65 truths to believe about yourself at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com

Self-love Technique

You need to love yourself first before you can love others or receive love. As you go through the healing process, reaffirm that you have worth and value and are worthy of being loved. Early on in my healing process, I would stand in front of the mirror and tell my insecure, shame-based self that I was worthy to be loved, that I was not ugly, that I was a sinner saved by grace, and that I could give grace to others. I said other things, but you get the idea. Remember, people see you through their insecurity and will treat you based on their shame-based identity, so do not adopt their assessment of you. I have to remind myself of that all the time. We all want people to approve of us and treat us with value, but that is unrealistic because we live in a sinful world with equally flawed people. Even church people are dealing with childhood shame and trauma.

Love yourself today, and love someone else because they need it. Abide in God’s love because you need it. Know that I love you. Words have power, use them wisely.

RESOURCES AND RELATED POSTS

Uncover the lies that are destroying your life.

Addiction Strongholds

How to be Free Posts

How to Overcome Depression by God’s Power

Adult Children of Alcoholics^®& Dysfunctional Families

Healing Depression: The Role of Gut Health and Diet – February 23, 2025

How to Overcome Anxiety from Trauma Memories – February 8, 2025

How to Treat General Depression Naturally -March 15, 2025

Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw (I have not read this book, but it was recommended.)

May God bless you richly as you seek His help to be healthy.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Conquering Depression by Healing Thoughts and Memories

When was the last time you felt depressed? What event occurred that made you sad or angry? Dwelling on thoughts of rejection or potential rejection causes a chemical reaction in your brain that lowers endorphins in the brain. The earlier in life you feel rejected, the deeper your depression is, which has been well researched. I found that my depression went away when I dealt with my upsetting thoughts and memories of rejection.

Most depression episodes begin with your thoughts. The good news is that you control your thoughts. We know that depression naturally occurs when you lose something you love. This post is about how to conquer depression from childhood and situational sadness, fear, and anger. This is a vast subject, and I know I can’t cover it sufficiently. I hope my discoveries and recovery from depression give you hope.

Why Rejection Is the Source of Depression

In my experience, the root of depression is feeling unvalued. Rejection often starts at birth and sometimes before birth. In my case, my mother became pregnant during Nursing School. She had to quit school and marry an immature man in the Navy, so he was away most of the time. The marriage was on the rocks from the very beginning. My mother wrote letters to my grandmother when she was pregnant with my sister and me while being bedridden in the hospital for three months. In those letters, she shared her frustration about my father and the trauma of being in a hospital bed for three months before we were born. She had feelings of shame and anger while pregnant, which created a hormone imbalance in both her brain and my brain.

Throughout my childhood, she was angry and depressed about her situation with my father and could not show love. Because I did not feel loved or nurtured, I developed an attachment disorder. Things improved a little when my mother became a born-again Christian; then, my father professed Christ as his Savior. Their spiritual state changed, but their behavior did not. Both my parents were still dysfunctional from their childhood rejection issues. I realized that we all need to heal our childhood family trauma before we can be mentally healthy, loving parents. I became the same parent as my mother until I healed from the traumatic memories of my childhood. Those memories generated thoughts of fear, sadness, anger, shame, and guilt that controlled my emotions and behavior, and I did not love well.

I discovered that not feeling valued or validated causes a stronghold of rejection to take hold of your mind. It keeps you focused on the events that caused the feeling of rejection, and you begin to ruminate and develop resentment. Resentful people cannot love well. I believe rejection leads to depression because we all want to feel loved and valued. So, when this expectation is not met, you feel betrayed, angry, fearful, anxious, insecure, apathetic, or, many times, pathetic. Is this something you have experienced? There is hope. In my book on this website, I write about how to be free from the stronghold of rejection and many more strongholds. Begin reading chapter one to understand the role our memories play in developing strongholds and depression. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Two Powerful Ways to Change Your Thoughts to Chase Away Depression

The most powerful treatment for depression is forgiveness. If you don’t forgive those who did not love you well, then those memories will continue to spawn sadness and depression in your life. For instance, I became depressed when my son and his wife would not make plans to visit when they came back for a wedding. They stayed with her parents, who lived five minutes away. My husband and I invited him and his wife several times for a visit, but they made up excuses. I felt rejected. I let my thoughts go to every dark corner to gather up as much self-pity as my mind could find.

Knowing that I control my thoughts, I came to my senses, went to God in prayer, and then I forgave my son for rejecting us. I also loosed the wrong thinking and a spirit of depression and rejection from my heart. Immediately, the depression was gone. Sometimes, you must do this several times when your thoughts go dark. The Bible says in Matthew 18:18, “Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” And 2Corinthians 10:4-5 states, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. ⁵We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

I took captive my depressing thoughts by loosing wrong thinking from my mind and the depressed, sad feelings from my heart. Later, I called him to see what he was up to. I told him how I felt (minus the self-pity) and that visiting would be nice since we rarely see them. He and his wife came over the next day for about an hour before returning to their home state. I was thankful for that short visit.

The last way to overcome depression is harder than forgiving, and that is being thankful. The Bible encourages us to be thankful in everything, pray continually, and rejoice always (1Thes. 5:15-18). I write about this in my post, A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER, and I encourage you to read it. Changing your thoughts to forgiveness and gratefulness keeps the spirit of depression away.

Conclusion:

Depression is different for each of us, but it often occurs when you focus on your hurt and loss. To overcome painful thoughts, change your focus by doing things that make you happy and finding things to be thankful for, like focusing on Jesus. Depression from the guilt of sin can be remedied by repentance and forgiveness. When you feel no hope, hope in the promises of God. Overcome depression from rejection by forgiving those who reject you and healing painful memories, which I describe in my book. You can alleviate depression from brain chemistry imbalance by eating a Mediterranean diet, eliminating sugar products, and exercising, which I describe in my last post. It is okay to consider an anti-depressant to correct the brain’s chemical imbalance. When I experience situational depression outside my control, I take Saint John’s Wort at night and 5HTP in the morning to help me get through the difficult time. More about that next week. Whatever type of depression you have, there is hope to get out of the pit and return to peace and joy.

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

How to Recognize and Eliminate Emotional Cancer

The Core Negative Heart Issue.

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Healing Depression: The Role of Gut Health and Diet

Are you interested in knowing the root cause of depression? Your mental and emotional health will improve once you fix the root causes. In my last post, I explained how the power of God helped me overcome my depression in college and still helps me today. Spiritual health has a direct link to mental health. In this post, I want to teach you how physical health is linked to mental health. Being depressed like my mother and depending on medications was not what I wanted. I needed to find the root cause of my depression. I used trial and error because I didn’t have the internet.

My Story: How Lifestyle Changes Helped

I became severely depressed when my first husband abused me constantly. At times, I contemplated suicide, so I understand why people think suicidal thoughts. I did not feel valued by my husband, and I felt stuck and thought death was the best option to escape my pain. When I contemplated stabbing myself, I thought about my children, which kept me from doing it. I only thought about my afflictions, which made it hard to have healthy relationships.

Even though I was a Christian and went to church and Bible studies, I felt helpless that my marriage would change. Bible studies help me focus on God as my source of hope and love. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol or both to escape their pain, which significantly increases suicidal thoughts.

My friends were telling me I needed to get on anti-depressants. Knowing how much my mother saw the psychiatrists and changed medications, I knew I could not afford it. I was seeing a Christian psychologist who understood the damage of abuse. She helped me know what healthy love was and how to love myself. Thankfully, she bartered with me, where I did sewing jobs for counseling services. She was good about helping me deal with the trauma of abuse from my husband. However, she did not address my childhood trauma. As a result, I was still angry and insecure. I didn’t know how to love because I did not grow up in a loving environment. But God’s love sustained me during this time.

Because of the trauma from the abuse and not eating well, I suffered from many health problems. My sister gave me a book, “God’s Way to Ultimate Health” by Dr. George Malkmus. I eagerly read it. He had testimonies on the sidelines, and I read about how the raw food diet healed a woman of her deep depression. I changed my diet that day. Within six months, my depression and most of my health problems were healed. My back and joint pain were not cured, but that was because of degenerative joint disease, which is now healed by eliminating sugar, corn, and wheat. I still make 50-80% of my diet raw, plus I eat fish and organic meat. At 63 years old, I don’t have any health issues. I sometimes have migraines, which are hereditary, but those have decreased since I started using Celtic sea salt in my diet.

In Genesis 1:29, it says, “And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food.“

The mental health training taught me that gut flora is critical to mental health. Ninety percent of the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine is manufactured in the gut and travels to the brain via the Vegas nerve. What happens in the gut occurs in the brain. I improved my gut health by eating a Mediterranean and FODMAP diet with raw sauerkraut. To learn more, read It Doesn’t Take Long to Reset Your Gut Health With Small Lifestyle Changes.

Lifestyle changes also improve hormone imbalances, which also play a role in depression. To understand more, read Can a Hormone Imbalance Cause Depression? Understanding the Link Between Hormones and Mental Health. Eating a healthy diet and exercising improves hormone balance. To learn more, read 10 Natural Ways to B a lance Your Hormones.

Also, read what WebMD says about Lifestyle Changes for Major Depressive Disorder, and Healthline has a great article called Lifestyle Changes for Depression.

Find all the Mental Health posts here.

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All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

Check out my latest book, Breaking Mental Strongholds, which you can order on Amazon. To learn more about it, read my post called Breaking Mental Strongholds Book. Also, check out Fighting Unseen Battles on Amazon. To learn more about this book, read How to Fight Unseen Battles.

How to Overcome Depression by God’s Power

Everyone experiences depression during their lifetime. Situations like a job loss, divorce, not feeling valued, snub at a party, problems with family, the death of a pet or loved one, or a relationship breakup will trigger depression in varying degrees. Depression is a normal feeling, but letting it rule your life is not healthy.

Even the Apostle Paul experienced depression. 2Cornithians 7:6 (NAS) states, “But God who comforts the depressed comforted us by the coming of Titus.” King David expresses depression throughout the Psalms. In Psalm 69:20, he writes, “Reproaches (chiding; scorn) have broken my heart so that I am in despair (hopeless; helpless). I looked for pity, but there was none, and for comforters, but I found none.” Depression is living in despair and extreme sadness. You may have a genetic predisposition for depression, especially if family members struggle with chronic depression.

There is hope to be free from the oppressive spirit of depression. I have even commanded the spirit of depression to be gone when I felt oppressed by despair and self-pity. More about that later in this post.

As with anxiety, depression has varying levels and triggers that begin in the mind with your thoughts. Read my post on How to Overcome Anxiety to learn more. This article does not explain the details of depression because it’s available on the internet. I intend to offer you hope and encouragement to overcome general depression. I have experienced severe depression several times in my life, and I have a family history of depression, including bipolar and psychosis. As I watched my mother struggle with chronic depression and taking antidepressants for my whole life, I knew I did not want that for my life. I am going to share with you how I overcame severe and genetic depression. Severe depression leads someone to contemplate suicide. If someone talks about death or killing themselves, get them help immediately. Don’t be afraid to ask if they have a plan.

Turning to God is Key.

In college, I became severely depressed and contemplated suicide. Now, I recognize that evil spiritual forces, as described in Ephesians 6:12, afflicted me after I committed my life to Jesus Christ. I was focusing on what I didn’t like and everything that was out of my control, like my childhood trauma. It didn’t help that I was still listening to AC-DC and other dark, hard-rock music. I also struggled with emotional instability from my childhood trauma, which affected my relationships. My depression improved after I prioritized my faith in God, reading the Bible, and giving up worldly music for Christian music. This boosted my hope for a brighter future. King David said the following in Psalm 42:5 several times, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation.”

Turn to God in Prayer and Trust Him.

Psalm 143:7-8 states, “Answer me quickly, O LORD! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. ⁸Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”

Prayer and trusting God are critical to overcoming depression because they change your thinking and focus. Know that God loves you and wants to comfort you. Instead of focusing on your loss or hurt, you are focusing on God’s love and guidance to help you in your time of need. Instead of focusing on your hurt and offended heart, prayer helps you trust God to make right any wrong done because God is a God of justice. Reading God’s word gives you the power to overcome oppression.

Isaiah 61:7-8a states, “Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy. ^8aFor I the LORD love justice; I hate robbery and wrong.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 states, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. ⁶In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Jeremiah 29:11-13 states, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹²Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. ¹³You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

Isaiah 41:10 states, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Jesus Came to Give You Life Abundantly

Depression feels like darkness in your soul and heaviness in your heart, so spiritual warfare is important to break out of this type of oppression. Read Ephesians 6:10-20 to learn more. I also wrote a series of posts on spiritual warfare, which you will find helpful.

Jesus said in John 10:10, “The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Satan and his demonic realm seek to destroy anyone who will allow him to. He can’t read your mind, but he knows how to deceive you and make you believe his lies.

1Peter 5:8-9 “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.”

Prayer and trusting God are ways to resist the devil and stand firm in your faith. Another way to resist the devil is to humbly submit to God by obeying Him, setting your mind on Him, and then drawing near to Him through prayer. You can then tell the devil or evil spirits oppressing you to be gone in Jesus’ Name because Jesus has defeated them and their authority over you. To experience God’s power to overcome, you must first humble yourself and seek Him for help.

James 4:6-8 “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” ⁷Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”

To learn more about purifying your heart, read Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. This post explains how to be free from the hurts and offenses that keep you stuck in the darkness of depression.

Only Jesus can give you life through the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:11 states, “If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.” But you need to keep your mind on the things of the spirit. Romans 8:6 states, “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” Setting your mind on the Spirit is easy when you pray and read your Bible, then you will feel life and peace. No depression can reside where the Spirit of God is allowed to rule.

Conclusion

I pray you are encouraged. There is so much more I could write. I wrote something similar in 2020, which has more details if you want to learn more: How to Overcome Situational Depression. I wrote a great series of posts about how to become free, which you will find helpful.

If you need more scripture references to encourage your heart, go to https://www.openbible.info/topics/depression

Also Read:

Conquering Depression by Healing Thoughts and Memories – March 1, 2025

Healing Depression: The Role of Gut Health and Diet – February 23, 2025

How to Overcome Depression by God’s Power – February 15, 2025

How to Overcome Anxiety from Trauma Memories – February 8, 2025

How to Treat General Depression Naturally -March 15, 2025

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.