Life – Hope for Complete Healing

10 Ways to Build an Emotional Bank Account

Who do you like? The person who encourages you, or the critical person? Which person are you? We prefer elevating people, wouldn’t you agree? Your emotional bank account is strong when you feel safe because you trust the person you are with or are friends with. Do your children, spouse, or family feel safe around you, and can they trust you to be in control of your emotions? If you discover that you have made withdrawals from your children, spouse, or family, you can now make deposits. It takes time to regain trust and rebuild a healthy relationship.

Make Meaningful Deposits

What is a meaningful deposit for you may not be meaningful to the other person. Learn what is important to the other person and value them by making meaningful deposits. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman explains five different ways to show love:

Words of affirmation,
Quality time,
Receiving gifts,
Acts of service, and
Physical touch.

My love language is acts of service and affirmation. My husband’s love language is physical touch and affirmation. He struggles to do acts of service, but when he does, I feel valued and loved. I struggle with giving physical touch because of my abusive past, but when I do, he feels valued and loved. I now give more physical touch as I heal my traumatic memories.

How to Intentionally Build a Strong Emotional Account with Someone.

First, you need to value the other person as much as you value yourself. Second, seek to understand what is meaningful to that person. In my last post, I explained the greatest principle to live by. That principle is love. We all fundamentally need to feel loved and valued. Remember, we are made in the image of God, and He is love, who wants to be loved with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. God wants us to love others as He does. People are tender and sensitive to even slight rejection, even if unintentional. Someone may appear tough and unfazed by rejection, but deep down, they are a wounded child who is shut down, and it still hurts.

So, how do you build someone’s emotional bank account? I extrapolated the following 10 ways to build up a person’s emotional bank account from Stephen Covey’s book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

1. I will make deposits into people’s emotional bank accounts through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments. If I make a withdrawal, I will quickly apologize.

2. I will listen and seek to understand what is important to the other person.

3. I will let you feel my concern and acceptance.

4. I will show understanding and make deposits by giving them my full attention.

5. I will attend to the important little things to those in my life.

6. I will keep my commitments and promises to build trust.

7. I will clarify expectations regarding roles and goals to prevent misunderstandings and disappointment.

8. I will show personal integrity by being honest, keeping my promises, fulfilling expectations, being loyal to those present, and refraining from unwholesome speech.

9. I will apologize from my heart when I make a withdrawal.

10. I will see my children’s or people’s problems as an opportunity to build a relationship, rather than a negative, burdensome irritation.

When we model these ten ways to build a person’s emotional bank account, especially children, then it teaches and inspires them to do the same. To do this requires that you feel secure and have a healed heart from the many wounds from the withdrawals you endured throughout your life. As you read these 10 ways to build an emotional bank account, did some painful memories pop up, or resentment toward someone? Read the post WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL? Our painful memories control our thoughts and emotions, which makes us unsafe emotionally. When you heal your memories, you will be mentally healthy and able to build trusting, healthy relationships. Refer to my online book to begin healing your memories.

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

A MENTALLY HEALTHY PERSON IS PRINCIPLE-CENTERED.

What does a principle-centered person look like? What principles do you live by? This post continues “Habit 2: Begin With The End In Mind,” by Stephen Covey. In the post ACHIEVE HEALTHY GOALS IN 12 WAYS,I explained how to achieve your goals by cultivating thoughts to achieve a desired outcome. I also shared my mission statement for my life and the goals to achieve my mission. In the post Three Ways to Unlock Your Potential: Achieving Goals Continued, I explained how to rewrite defeating scripts written by unhealthy beliefs. Unhealthy beliefs develop from painful experiences. You can write a new script by exchanging unhealthy beliefs with true or positive beliefs.

Of the 12 ways to achieve healthy goals, this post will explain the following two ways:

I will be principle-centered, not spouse-centered, family-centered, money-centered, work-centered, possession-centered, pleasure-centered, friend-centered, enemy-centered, church-centered, or self-centered. I will be Christ-centered, showing love to everyone.
As a principle-centered person, I will try to separate myself from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that might affect me and evaluate the options.

In his book, Stephan Covey explains each of the other ways to be centered in number 8 above. The decisions you make depend on what your life is centered around. In this post, I will only share what he says about being principle-centered. Though Stephan’s book is not a Christian book, the principles are applicable. So when you read about being principle-centered, think about the truths of God’s word.

Excerpts from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Principles are deep, fundamental truths and classic truths. (e.g., truths found in the Bible.)

Security

1. Your security is based on correct principles that do not change, regardless of external conditions or circumstances.

2. You know that true principles can repeatedly be validated in your own life, through your own experiences.

3. Correct principles help you understand your development, giving you the confidence to learn more, thereby increasing your knowledge and understanding.

4. Your source of security provides you with an immovable, unchanging, unfailing core, enabling you to see change as an exciting adventure and opportunity to make significant contributions.

Guidance

1. You are guided by a compass, which enables you to see where you want to go and how you will get there.

2. You use accurate data, which makes your decisions both implementable and meaningful.

3. You stand apart from life’s situations, emotions, and circumstances, and look at the balanced whole. Your decisions and actions reflect both short- and long-term considerations and implications.

4. In every situation, you consciously, proactively determine the best alternative, basing decisions on conscience educated by principles.

Wisdom

1. Your judgment encompasses a broad spectrum of long-term consequences and reflects a wise balance and quiet assurance.

2. You see things differently and thus you think and act differently from the largely reactive world.

3. You see the world in terms of what you can do for the world and its people.

4. You adopt a proactive lifestyle, seeking to serve and build others.

5. You interpret life’s experiences in terms of opportunities for learning and contribution.

Power

1. Your power is limited only by your understanding and observance of natural law and correct principles and by the natural consequences of the principles themselves.

2. You become a self-aware, knowledgeable, proactive individual, largely unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviors, or actions of others.

3. Your ability to act reaches far beyond your own resources and encourages highly developed levels of interdependency.

4. Your decisions and actions are not driven by your current financial or circumstantial limitations. You experience an interdependent freedom.

Remember that your paradigm (biblical concepts) is the source from which your attitudes and behaviors flow. A paradigm is like a pair of glasses; it affects the way you see everything in your life. …As a principle-centered person, you try to stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you, and evaluate the options. Looking at the balanced whole–the work needs, the family needs, other needs that may be involved and the possible implications of the various alternative decisions–you’ll try to come up with the best solution, considering all factors.

Writing and Using a Personal Mission Statement

Personal responsibility, or proactivity, is fundamental to the first creation. Returning to the computer metaphor, Habit 1 says, “You are the programmer.” Habit 2, then says, “Write the program.” Until you accept the idea that you are responsible, that you are the programmer, you won’t really invest in writing the program. …As proactive people, we can begin to give expression to what we want to be and to do in our lives. We can write a personal mission statement, a personal constitution.

Writing or reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think through your priorities deeply, carefully, and to align your behavior with your beliefs.

Using Your Whole Brain

Our self-awareness empowers us to examine our own thoughts. This is particularly helpful in creating a personal mission statement because the two unique human endowments that enable us to practice Habit 2–imagination and conscience–are primarily functions of the right side of the brain. Two Ways To Tap The Right Brain: Through the powers of your imagination, you can visualize your own funeral, as we did at the beginning of this chapter. Write your own eulogy. Actually write it out. Be specific. What would you like your family to say about you. What would you like your friends to say about you. What would you like your co-workers to say about you.

Suppose I am a parent who really deeply loves my children. Suppose I identify that as one of my fundamental values in my personal mission statement. But suppose, on a daily basis, I have trouble overreacting. I can use my right brain power of visualization to write an “affirmation” that will help me become more congruent with my deeper values in my daily life. A good affirmation has five basic ingredients: it’s personal, it’s positive, it’s present tense, it’s visual, and it’s emotional. So I might write something like this: “It is deeply satisfying (emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love, firmness, and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave.”

Then I can visualize it. I can spend a few minutes each day and totally relax my mind and body. I can think about situations in which my children might misbehave. The more clearly and vividly I can imagine the detail, the more deeply I will experience it, the less I will see it as a spectator. Then I can see her do something very specific which normally makes my heart pound and my temper start to flare. But instead of seeing my normal response, I can see myself handle the situation with all the love, the power, the self-control I have captured in my affirmation. I can write the program, write the script, in harmony with my values, with my personal mission statement. And if I do this, day after day my behavior will change. Instead of living out of the scripts given to me by my own parents or by society or by genetics or my environment, I will be living out of the script I have written from my own self-selected value system. …all the world-class athletes and other peak performers are visualizers. They see it; they feel it; they experience it before they actually do it. They begin with the end in mind.

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I pray you are inspired to read your Bible to learn more about developing Christ-centered principles. For the sake of time, I will write about Christ-centered principles in the next post.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

TWELVE WAYS TO ACHIEVE HEALTHY GOALS

Have you ever wondered what people would think about you once you’re gone? Are you tired of never achieving your ideal life? Do you struggle to stay focused on achieving your goals? I have noticed how mentally unhealthy people live a chaotic life, and they go from one crisis to another. Your life may not be that bad, but is it your best? What could you improve? This post will explain how to set and achieve goals and live your healthiest, best life.

A mentally healthy person thinks grateful, productive thoughts. Before my memory healing, I could not control my thoughts because my unhealthy beliefs from hurtful memories controlled my thoughts. I could not have a healthy relationship with anyone. Since healing my memories, I can now take my pitiful, negative thoughts captive and transform them into positive, thankful thoughts. You may think you had a wonderful childhood, and that could be the case, but we live in a sinful, hurting world. No one evades getting a wounded heart. Often, a positive attitude hides the wounds, but they still exist and contribute to mental illness. One goal is to achieve mental health by healing the wounds in your heart.

After leaving my abusive husband, I had a goal to know how a mentally healthy person acts. I knew I was part of the problem and needed to change. But how? Going to counseling, church, Bible Studies, and reading my Bible did not change how I thought; I just felt more guilty. One of the books I read was Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey. In my last two posts, I discussed the first habit: being proactive and taking the initiative. The second habit is cultivating thoughts to achieve a desired outcome.

The first thought discipline of the 12 ways changed the trajectory of my life. I wanted to be seen as a kind person, not an angry one. What would people say about me at my funeral? As I reflected on how people perceive me, I began to make a conscious choice to make emotionally healthy choices. However, I first had to heal the hurtful memories that kept me angry. I explain how I did this in my book, Breaking Mental Strongholds, and in my website book, which is a condensed version.

I consolidated the second habit into twelve disciplines and right beliefs. I highly recommend reading Stephen Covey’s book to learn how I developed these twelve healthy ways of thinking to achieve your best life.

HABIT 2―Begin with the End in Mind

“By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole.” Stephen Covey.

I will keep the end of my life clearly in my mind. What do I want others to say at my funeral?
I will make sure my life contributes each day in a meaningful way to the vision of my life.
I will use my unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, and conscience to examine old scripts and write new ones.
I will determine if my ladder is leaning against the right wall.
I will live out of my imagination instead of my memory.
I will tie myself to my limitless potential, rather than my limiting past.
I will develop and use a personal mission statement based on sound (Biblical) principles.
I will be principle-centered, not spouse-centered, family-centered, money-centered, work-centered, possession-centered, pleasure-centered, friend-centered, enemy-centered, church-centered, or self-centered. I will be Christ-centered, showing love to everyone.
As a principle-centered person, I will try to separate myself from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that might affect me and evaluate the options.
I will imagine myself practicing my personal mission statement.
I will define goals for each of my roles according to the principles in my mission statement to achieve a balance.
I will develop and use a family mission statement to improve my family and our response to crisis.

Example of a Mission Statement?

A mission is setting goals to achieve something or create a desired outcome. For example, I produced the following personal mission statements and explained how to accomplish them.

My guiding principle is 2 Corinthians 5:10, which states, “For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” What I do will have eternal value or contribute to it.

My life will reflect the following principles: 2Corinthians 5:14a&15b, which states, “For the love of Christ controls us (me), … those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.”

In my work, I will pray for those I work with and be kind in what I say and do.
In my home, I will give preference to my family’s interests and desires; Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
I will encourage my family to love God and to pursue holiness as I show them love and live in peace with them; Ephesians 4:2-3, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
In my church family, I will value my brothers and sisters in Christ by acknowledging them, saying a kind word, or doing a kind deed. I will testify to the power of God’s Word to transform my life and their lives.

I will be heavenly-minded and not worldly-minded.

I will seek to support Christian missions in growing the kingdom of God.
I will fill my mind with scripture and memorize it so I do not sin: Psalm 119:11, “I have hidden Your Word in my heart, so that I might not sin against You.”
I will not view worthless things that do not inspire me to do good and love well. (see Ps. 119:37, Ps 101:3).
I will do 1Thessalonians 5:16-18 to.

Rejoice always by thinking on the things above—Col. 3:1-3;

pray without ceasing and turn every thought into a prayer;

give thanks in all circumstances and not grumble or complain because I am His workmanship—Ephesians 2:10 and Philippians 2:13.

I will not seek to fulfill the desires that draw me away from my devotion to God.
I will not desire worldly possessions beyond reasonable needs.

I will make my time count for eternity.

To bless others through serving them as Christ did when He was on this earth (Matt. 20:28; Phil 2:3-7).
Seek and save the lost (Luke 19:1) by leading people to a saving knowledge of Christ Jesus through my blog, at the County jail, and Good News Clubs. 1John 4:17 states, “By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world.”
Teach Sunday School.
Hand out New Testament Bibles and be a good witness of the love of Christ.

I wrote the above mission statement in 1999 after reading about Habit 2. I still live by this mission. I hope and pray you found this post helpful and encouraging.

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My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

10 Ways to be Proactive Instead of Reactive

How reactive are you to events that don’t go as planned, to other people’s inconsideration, when people don’t keep their promises? My reaction level was off the charts, so when I separated from my abusive husband, I wanted to know what a mentally healthy person should act like. I read Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. The first habit was being proactive. What does proactive mean? According to Dictionary.com (2025), proactive means to prepare for, intervene in, or control an expected occurrence or situation, especially a negative or challenging one; anticipatory.

How To Control Your Feelings

Knowing you will act in anger or frustration, you can mentally prepare. What you think controls what you feel, what you believe, and how you act. So, stay in prayer mode, so you respond with kindness or patience. Self-control begins in the mind. Visit my web page on how to develop self-control to learn more. Being proactive requires self-control.

In my last post, I explained a church situation that made me angry and how I prayed through the Victory Plan from my post, “How to Develop Emotional Resilience.” I resolved to be kind and let the situation I could not control go. The following Sunday, the custodian came up to me, with his wife present, and said he loved me and gave me a hug. I eliminated stress by being proactive in how I dealt with the situation, even though I felt wronged.

If you know driving raises your stress level because you get frustrated and angry at how other drivers drive, you can say to yourself, “Getting upset and yelling at other drivers does not help, and it makes me tense and anxious; I will be thankful I don’t have to ride a donkey.” Try it, it works. You can also say, “I can be patient as I would want other drivers to be patient with me.” If you know attending a family function will upset you, you can pray for God to give you grace and kindness toward the difficult family members. Remember, people want to know they have worth and are loved as much as you do. Often, people act out because they have low self-worth and feel angry because they don’t feel loved, which is frequently related to their childhood.

10 Proactive Habits.

In my online book, I wrote the right thinking I need to practice for each of Stephen Covey’s seven habits. This is what I wrote for Habit 1—Be Proactive.

I can choose my response.
I am driven by values and truth, and I am not reactive.
I will not let the weaknesses of others control me.
I take the initiative and am responsible for making things happen.
I will use proactive language: “I choose.” “I control my own feelings.” “Let’s look at the alternatives.”
I will work on what I can do something about, which is in my circle of influence.
I will BE more ……….. To change from the inside-out, to be different.
I choose to be thankful.
I will acknowledge mistakes instantly and correct them.
I will make and keep commitments and promises.

Change Unhealthy Beliefs and Discover a New Reality

The article in Psychology Today “Why Proactivity Is the Superpower You Can and Should Develop,” says that “proaction is worth viewing as a superpower because it is the “possible you” that 1) spots and prevents problems, 2) identifies, pursues, and captures opportunities, and 3) creates a new, personally-chosen, desired future through a strategic change of trajectory.” This article provided valuable tips.

My life was controlled by my past trauma. I continued to live out of my emotional programming and unhealthy beliefs about myself and my capability. I married my first husband because of unhealthy beliefs and wrong thoughts. I allowed people to define me and limit my ability. Being proactive about healing my past soul wounds changed the trajectory of my life, and it can change yours. Read my online book about how I changed my destiny.

In the following posts, I will continue to explain these ten ways to be proactive. If you would like a PDF of my Victory Plan to Overcome Anger, Depression, and Anxiety, email me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com.

Continue to learn how to apply the other ways to be proactive in the next post.

May God bless you richly as you think proactively.

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My latest book is Unlocking God’s Promises, which explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Freedom from Negative Influence—Post 5

Do you realize how much negative influence is in your life? Negative influence has a different connotation for each of us. From a Christian perspective, a negative influence can be a spoken word or picture that entices you to do evil and sin in thought, word, or deed. You may work or live with someone or be friends with someone who is a negative influence. What are your options?

While watching TV or a Movie, are you aware of the negative influence of what you are watching? Words and images have power over your mind, and the greater the emotion, the deeper they imprint your memories, which continue to influence you negatively. For example, I watched a movie about girls being abducted and sold as sex slaves. Those negative images were imprinted as memories that were so clear that they caused me to be fearful. Likewise, immoral and traumatic scenes will affect you for years. How are you freed from these negative images and their influence on your mind and spirit?

The ultimate negative influence on your mind and spirit.

Satan does not want us to be free in our thoughts or spirit. He wants to keep us in bondage to our sinful flesh. Rate how aware from 1 (least) to 10 (most) you are of Satan’s negative influence in your life. Jesus says in John 10:10, “The thief [Satan] comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, we have the authority over the devil. Jesus said in Luke 10:18-19, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions [demons], and over all the power of the enemy [Satan], and nothing shall hurt you.” The only time the enemy hurts us is when we allow him to. From this time forward, stop all sources of negative influence in your life so you can live free in your thoughts and spirit. King David made this vow in Psalms 101:3a; “I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.”

Becoming free from the negative influence of trauma memories.

How to become free from the negative images in your memories controlling your thoughts and spirit. Our negative memories will make us a negative influence on the people around us. Jesus gave us the authority to take every negative, evil thought and evil spirit captive in Jesus’ name and command them to be gone. I did this with the crippling fear of being abducted from the images of that movie. I commanded the wrong thoughts and negative influences of that movie and all demonic spirit attachments to those images to be gone in Jesus’ name. Then, I transformed the unhealthy belief with the truth that God holds my hand, is with me as a shield, and will protect me from all evil. To learn more, please read my transformation story on my website, hopeforcompletehealing.com.

Beware of False Teachers Who Want to Steal Your Freedom

The devil wants to keep us in bondage to sin and resentment, so beware of people who do not follow the path of love and holiness. Galatians 2:4 states, “Yet because of false brothers secretly brought in—who slipped in to spy out our freedom that we have in Christ Jesus so that they might bring us into slavery.” Not everyone who calls themselves a Christian is truly born again and renewed. Many Christians are a negative influence through gossip, being judgmental, legalism, and complaining. John 13:35 explains what an authentic Christian is, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another.” An authentic Christian will show love (kindness, patience, humility, goodness, and so on) and will not enslave you in sinful behavior.

Fake “Christian” leaders continue to allow demonic spirits to control their lives. In 2 Peter 2:19, it says, “They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved.” Corruption is having a moral perversion or decadence. Pornography is a moral decadence that leads to sexual bondage. For example, do you remember how Jimmy Swagart would preach against sexual sin and cry like a baby? I knew he struggled with sexual sin. Then he was caught with a prostitute twice, that I know of. This corruption in his life destroyed his ministry. Too many pastors and priests have sexually molested children. This is a corruption that leads people into a bondage of resentment and pain.

The Apostle Paul teaches Timothy what to do with people in your family or church who are a negative influence. In 2 Timothy 2:24-26 he states, “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” This is a hard passage to comprehend because no one wants to think they are being held captive by the devil to do his will. Another phrase I don’t like is “patiently enduring evil,” no one wants to endure evil. Evil is a sinful, harmful action that causes pain.

For example, I was held captive by the devil to do his will because of the resentment in my heart toward those who did evil to me. Resentment is the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult. (Dictionary.com, 2023). As I forgave those who hurt me, which is ongoing because we are exposed to hurtful people, I became free from the devil’s control. In the meantime, I acted out in anger at anyone who triggered those unforgiven resentments, and I became hurtful. My husband and children had to endure the evil I was subjecting them to. Our teenagers subject us to evil words and actions that we need to patiently endure and lovingly discipline. As a servant of the Lord, we need to be kind and gently speak the truth to hurtful people or messy Christians. It is easy to quarrel when we feel hurt or offended. Romans 14:1 explains, “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions.” 2Timothy 2:14 states, “Remind them of these things, and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers.”

Conclusion

Negative influences can come from many sources, from what you watch on TV or the internet or social media to what you read, and the people around you. Negative influence can come from the church as well. Are you a negative influence in people’s lives because of your negative experiences? We can easily control the negative influence that we watch or read, but we can’t always control the negative influence from the people we live and work with. Many times, you have no control over the negative people in your life. To be free from the influence of negative people is to kindly and gently set boundaries and speak truth into their lives. If setting boundaries does not work then you may have to patiently endure it, hold your boundaries, and pray for them. Remember, you are the light of Jesus to the world around you. Philippians 2:14-15 tells us, “Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.” Let the love of Jesus show to the difficult, negative people in your life.

If you have any other ideas, please leave a comment, I would love to know them.

FREEDOM POSTS

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All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family; hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

Check out my latest book Breaking Mental Strongholds, which you can order on Amazon. To learn more about it, read my post called Breaking Mental Strongholds Book. Also, check out Fighting Unseen Battles on Amazon. To learn more about this book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

THE MYSTERY OF WISDOM—PART 2

What is the correlation between wisdom and the fear of God? Can a worldly person who does not fear God be wise? In the last post, we learned that wisdom is a mystery. We also learned that it is better to have wisdom than gold, silver, and jewels and we need to seek it by seeking God because He is the one that gives wisdom. Lastly, we learned the difference between a wise and worldly person.

As I prayed and asked God to give me a greater understanding of wisdom, I saw in scripture that wisdom is linked with the fear of God and understanding. Why? Here are a few scriptures that outline the relationship between wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and the fear of God.

First, what is the fear of God?

The fear of the Lord is to have deep respect, love, and awe for God that you want to do the following:

1. Praise Him. Psalms 22:23 states, “You who fear the Lord, praise Him! …glorify Him, and stand in awe of Him, …”

2. Serve Him. 1 Samuel 12:24 states, “Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things He has done for you.”

3. Trust Him. Psalms 115:11 also states; “You who fear the LORD, trust in the LORD! He is their help and their shield.”

4. Obey Him. Deuteronomy 10:12-13 states, “And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, ¹³and to keep [obey] the commandments and statutes of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good?”

5. Turn from evil. Proverbs 8:13 states, “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.” When you sin, you do evil because sin is disobeying God. God commands us to love others as He loves them. Evil people do not love others, but they do and say things to harm or cause trouble for people (Webster

Correlation between fear of God, wisdom, understanding, and knowledge.

Psalm 111:10 states, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!” We need to practice, that is do something over and over to become good at it. Understanding means several things. Dictionary.com (2022) says understanding is a mental process of a person who comprehends; has a superior power of discernment; enlightened intelligence, etc. Job 28:28 states, “And he [God] said to man, ‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding.’”

Proverbs 1:7 states, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge [of God]; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” And, Psalm 14:1 states, “The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds; there is none who does good.” Based on these last two verses, a worldly person, who does not fear God, cannot be wise because their hearts are evil and not good. Because Proverbs 9:10-12 states, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. ¹¹For by me [God] your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.

What are the benefits of fearing God?

God’s angel protects you, and you will be blessed, and you will lack nothing. Psalms 34:7-9 states, “The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 8) Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! 9) Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!”
God will help you and shield you from all harm. Psalm 115:11 states, “You who fear the LORD, trust in the LORD! He is their help and their shield.” Proverbs 19:23 “The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.”
You will have confidence and you will feel safe. Proverb 14:26 states, “In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and His children shall have a place of refuge.”
You will have wisdom and know what to do. Psalms 111:10 states, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding.”
You will have a long life. Proverbs 10:27 “The fear of the LORD prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be short.”
You will have healing. Proverbs 3:7-8 states, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. 8) It will be healing to your flesh (body; NAS) and refreshment to your bones.”
You will be blessed. Proverbs 28:14 states, “Blessed is the one who fears the LORD always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity (the pit).”
It will go well with you. 1Samual 12:14 states, “If you will fear the LORD and serve him and obey his voice and not rebel against the commandment of the LORD, and if both you and the king who reigns over you will follow the LORD your God, it will be well.”
You will have riches, honor, and life. Proverbs 22:4 states, “The reward for humility and fear of the LORD is riches and honor and life.” Is this something you would like? Read “How Pride Destroys” Pride keeps you from being in awe of God and submitting to His authority and turning from your sin.

Fearing God is easy when you keep your mind focused on seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. See the blog post called How do you seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness? for more details. Job 12:13 states, “With God are wisdom and might; he has counsel and understanding.”

Conclusion:

Proverbs 2:1-5 sums up this post, “My son [daughter], if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, ²making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; ³yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, ⁴if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, ⁵then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. The key to getting wisdom is to intentionally seek it. You need the fear of God to have wisdom, understanding, and to know God, but you won’t understand the fear of God and find knowledge until you seek to understand and desire wisdom. Do you fear God by obeying Him and turning from your evil desires (lusts)? Are you praising God and trusting Him to give you wisdom?

Mystery of Wisdom–Part 3

All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family; hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected, and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

Check out my second book called Fighting Unseen Battles on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to Trust Again.

Have you been betrayed by someone you thought you could trust? Have you experienced being forsaken by someone you love? I have. God is the only one who will always be faithful and loyal to you, then your dog and maybe UPS delivery would be next.

I am offended by those who disregarded me, so how can I trust again? You are disregarded when you are ignored, neglected, and not treated with respect. I will share later how to take those thoughts captive, so you are no longer controlled by the offenses. Each offense is like a brick in a wall. You build the wall with one offense after another to protect your heart from being hurt and disappointed again. The wall also keeps you from experiencing the benefits of trusting and loving other people. When you don’t trust you will live in fear that something bad will happen to you. Fear erodes your relationships. So, in this post, I will explain how to tear down your wall, one offense at a time so you can live in freedom and have peace and joy. See my last post for an explanation of how to have peace and joy all the time in your life. How to experience a heavenly life on earth.

For example, I trusted my father to love and cherish me, but he abused me then forsook me at 15 when he left and never contacted me again. I trusted my mother to nurture and affirm me, but she was angry and dismissive. I trusted my sisters to have my back and support me, but they were angry, violent, and self-centered. I trusted my friends at school to be loyal and encouraging, but they humiliated me. I trusted teachers and church leaders to protect me, but they looked the other way. I trusted my first husband to love and protect me, but he abused me instead. Everyone has a story of betrayal and why they can’t trust. Maybe a spouse had an affair. A co-worker lied and gossiped about you. A boss or supervisor harassed you and did not like you. The painful memories of being forsaken control how you respond to those around you today. Because of the antitrust wall around my heart, I could not give warmth and love to my family and friends.

Every human will fail you at one point or another because we all are sinners who fall short. You will fail someone who trusted you. Maybe you can’t be trusted because of the things you have done to hurt those around you. You may not have been faithful to protect the ones you were supposed to love. God wants to make you whole and trustworthy again. I will explain how to have hope for the restoration of your relationships. But first, you must STOP discounting yourself by reducing your value and thinking you don’t deserve better. You are valuable to God, and He wants to restore you and prosper you (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:17-18).

Do you have unrealistic expectations of the people in your life? Maybe you have unstated expectations, and you think they should know, so you wonder why they let you down. You may have specified your expectations, but the other person has not agreed to do what you expect. Unmet expectations lead to frustration, anger, and feeling disregarded, which then create painful memories. You then believe the person cannot be trusted, so you close your heart to them and everyone else. Is this something you can relate to? Read my short book to learn how to heal these painful memories: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Trust issues affect every living soul, and the painful memories need to be healed for the fruit of trust and faithfulness to grow in your life through the Holy Spirit. Only God can heal your heart and memories, so first, ask God to remove your pride and any deceptive spirits from you. I ask God to remove my pride because it always justifies why I shouldn’t trust and why I should be offended. Then, I ask God to remove deceptive spirits because they will convince you that you don’t have a problem and it is no big deal. Next, ask God to show you if you have the following unhealthy beliefs or something similar:

I cannot trust; no one can be trusted
I am awful; I have done awful things and thought awful thoughts. I can’t trust in anything except the coming punishment that I deserve.
I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.
I can’t trust anyone after what I have experienced, after what I have done, and after what I have seen.
If I trust that things will work out and get better, then the coming pain is just that much more upsetting.
I trust what I have in my own hands, in my bank account, what I own, and what I control.
It is better to realize that everyone is out for himself, including me.
I am trustworthy. The only time I do bad things is when it’s justified.

Write down the unhealthy beliefs you have relating to your trust issues. They may be some of the ones above or they may be different. Next, ask God to show you the painful memory or memories that created the unhealthy belief. Identify the vows you have made. For example, I vowed to never trust a man because they are self-centered. But, guess what, I was self-centered too. Go through the following prayer model to remove the offenses and the related unhealthy beliefs/vows.

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the contributors for each issue (problem, concern) such as the painful memory or memories of painful experiences or sin.

- Painful experiences could be from a trauma, a word curse, unmet expectations, betrayal, poor choices, or rejection.
- You may get an answer right away or you may have to wait a few days.
- Be conscious of the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking within your soul.
- All painful memories have a negative stress-energy that needs to be removed from your mind and cells of your body.
- Sin has negative spirit attachments that need to be removed by putting them off in Jesus’ name (see John 14:13 and 16:24).
- Sin is anything you do that is not loving and valuing others or loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.

Forgive those who sinned against you including yourself if necessary (see Matthew 6:14:15, Colossians 3:13, and Ephesians 4:32). WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE

- The first step in trusting others is forgiving those who broke your trust because we are all sinners in need of a savior and forgiveness.
- When you forgive, it breaks the power the offense has on your mind.
- Do not dwell on the painful memories but be quick to forgive, though you may need to grieve a loss, which is healing.
- Forgiveness releases you from the emotional control of the painful memories contributing to the issue needing healing.
- If you have a hard time forgiving, ask God to give you His grace to forgive others for their sins against you as He has forgiven your sins (see Matthew 6:12-15).

PRAY: “Dear Lord, I forgive (name of the person or persons) for causing the pain of __________.”

Replace unhealthy beliefs with truth.

- Write down the lies or unhealthy beliefs the Holy Spirit reveals that are associated with the heart issue needing transforming by the truth.
- Next, write the truths to replace the unhealthy beliefs.
- For example, you may believe, “I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.” Replace this lie with this truth, “I can trust those who are trustworthy but understand they could let me down. I know I can trust God and He will help me to forgive and be patient with those who let me down including myself.”
- To understand how to use your authority in prayer read; Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

PRAY: “Dear Lord, I loose the unhealthy belief of __________, and bind in the truth that ________, in Jesus’ name.”

Repent of sins.

- List the sins you committed because of your wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs and decisions related to the issue needing healing.
- Confess them to God and ask His forgiveness and to take all your guilt and resentment away (see 1 John 1:9) in Jesus’ name.

Last, write out a thank you to God for something He did to protect, provide for, or comfort you. For painful memories to heal, they need to be replaced by a positive memory.

There is hope for complete healing of trust as you tear down the wall around your heart by taking each brick of offense out of the wall. Choose to love others well knowing they are hurting people with walls and may choose to reject you. Jesus was rejected and still is.

Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People

Being Thankful During Hardships

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

The Core Negative Heart Issue

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

How to Experience a Heavenly Life on Earth.

Living a heavenly life sounds too good to be true, but you can, and I will show you how. Because I care about you, I will explain how to experience a life of flourishing growth through righteousness, peace, and joy. Romans 14:6 states, “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Please join me in my journey of experiencing the kingdom of God at this present time. This does not mean you won’t have hardships, but you will experience a heavenly life that raises you above the hardships. Does this sound good to you? The key that opens the door to heavenly living is your attitude. An attitude of rejoicing always, praying without ceasing, and being thankful for everything (1Theselonians 5:16-18).

Experiencing the Kingdom of God in this present age can only happen when you submit everything into God’s care first. Many who call themselves Christians are not submitted to God and are spiritually dead because they do not have righteousness, peace, and joy. Have you been around a “Christian” who is dishonest, angry or depressed, and an ungrateful, sour person? What I describe are signs of spiritual death. I was that kind of Christian for many years until I discovered how to heal the painful memories of hurt and offenses to have peace and joy. Read my short book on my website to learn how to heal painful memories so you can live the heavenly life to the fullest on earth. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

In the last post, you learned how the Spirit gives life. In this post, you will learn what the role of righteousness, peace, and joy are in the life-giving process. Our text is Romans 8:10, which states, “But if (the Spirit of) Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.” Read my last two posts for context: HOW TO BE IN CONTROL OF LIFE and How does the Spirit give life?

Where did spiritual death through sin come from and what is life through righteousness?

Romans 5:17 states, “For if, because of one man’s trespass (Adam’s disobedience), death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.” So, through the Spirit, you can put to death the deeds of the body and let righteousness rule your spirit and live the heavenly life. Just as eternal life is a gift from God (see Ephesians 2:8 and Romans 6:23) so righteousness is a gift. The following verses verify the correlation between life and righteousness.

Psalm 119:40 states, “Behold, I long for your precepts (direction for moral conduct); in your righteousness give me life!”

Proverb 12:28 states, “In the path of righteousness is life, and in its pathway, there is no death.”

Romans 6:13 states, “Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.”

In these verses, you learn that righteousness is the reason the Spirit is life. So, what is righteousness? According to dictionary.com righteousness is the quality or state of being righteous and righteous means acting in an upright, moral way (knowing right from wrong); virtuous. So, what do we have to do? 2Timothy 2:22 tells us, “So flee youthful passions (selfish thinking) and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

How do you pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace?

You pursue righteousness by putting your faith in Jesus Christ’s ability to help you do what is right because He is your righteousness (see Romans 1:17; 3:22). Pursue faith by reading God’s Word and memorizing Scripture (see Romans 10:17). Become more loving by putting off pride and forgiving those who sin against you (see Matthew 6:12-14 and 1Corinthians 13:4-7). Increase in peace by giving all your problems to God, trusting Him, and be thankful (Philippians 4:6,7). If possible, you are to live peaceably with everyone (see Romans 12:18 and Hebrews 12:14). Your heart becomes pure when you purify your soul from fleshly sins and obey the truth in God’s Word, then you can love one another (see 1Peter 1:22).

The evidence of righteousness is holiness and peace.

When you purify your soul, you become holy as explained in 2Corinthians 7:1. “Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.” The fear of God is reverent awe and a desire to please Him, knowing He disciplines us. Hebrews 12:9-11 states, “Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10) For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11) For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it”. And, Isaiah 5:16b explains, “the Holy God shows himself holy in righteousness.”

Isaiah 32:17 also tells us, “And the effect of righteousness will be peace and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.” Do you think peace and quietness are better than the turmoil resulting from setting your mind on your selfish desires and sinful behavior? Do you have peace and quietness in your life right now? Isaiah gives us a clue as to why you may not have peace. Isaiah 48:18 states, “Oh that you had paid attention (listened) to my commandments (instructions)! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea;” When we obey God and do what He instructs us to do, then we will have righteousness and peace. This is living a heavenly life.

To increase your righteousness and know abundant life, you must make peace with others. James 3:18 states, “And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” Making peace with others can be difficult. Romans 12:17 & 18 explains, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable (upright, moral) in the sight of all. 18) If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” And, Hebrews 12:14 encourages us to, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” Peace and holiness are essential pursuits if you want to experience the heavenly life and see the Lord in eternity. If you have a problem being at peace, work through the instructions in my book to remove past offenses that keep you from living in peace and joy.

For example, someone was throwing trash in my yard as they drove up a private dirt road that runs along my property and in my front yard along the main road. I was losing my peace over it and through a process of elimination I figured out who it could have been. I began to roil inside. Then I thought, wait a minute, I am no longer living above my problems. So, I captured my thoughts and turned them into a prayer and began to rejoice in God’s goodness and mercy and thanked him for blessing me. I had just memorized Romans 12:17&18, so I thought about how I can bless the person throwing trash in my yard. I came home that very evening from work and my side yard along the dirt road was all cleaned up and no trash has been thrown in since. Praise the Lord. Do you see how living the heavenly life of righteousness, peace, and joy is better than revenge, worry, and anger?

There is hope for complete spiritual healing as you pursue righteousness, peace, and joy with the help of the Spirit and live a heavenly life above all hardships.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Victorious Thinking to Live a Successful Life

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Being Thankful During Hardships