Author: Joyce Holzman Hanscom

I am a certified Mental Health Coach through Light University. An author. A Bible teacher for Good News Clubs and incarcerated women in the county jail. I teach about how to discover a new reality through memory transformation. Discovering a new reality is achieved when you heal emotions from painful memories and transform negative heart issues. When false beliefs are transformed by truth, then you can love from a pure heart and make wise decisions. There is hope for complete healing.

Are you in control of your life?

Are you experiencing life and peace? What thoughts control sinful desires and behavior choices? You won’t realize how spiritually dead you are until you put off fleshly desires (lusts), which originate from thoughts that entice you to sin as explained in James 1:14,15. “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” Ask yourself, what entices me? What is sin and why does it bring death?

Webster defines sin as the disobedience of moral principles of the Bible, primarily through a willful act.
The Bible says sin is doing evil in 29 verses of the English Standard Version. Evil is doing things to harm someone or cause trouble.
The passages of 1Kings 16:19; 2Chronicals 12:14; Jeremiah 2:19 explain how we do evil when we do not seek God but seek to please ourselves.
James 4:17 tells us sin is when we know the right thing to do and do not do it.

I first want to expand on what I wrote in the blog called Three Steps to Renew Your Mind (Part Two)

“Put off fleshly desires (sin nature). “For the mind set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (see Romans 8:7-8). Gal 5:19-21 states, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Colossians 3:5-7 tells us to, “Put to death (crucify); therefore, what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6) On account of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7) In these, you too once walked, when you were living in them.” We have divine power to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ Jesus (see 2Corinthians 10:3-5). Begin by removing one sinful, wrong thought at a time. Next, put on the corresponding characteristic of the Holy Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness/meekness, faithfulness/truthfulness, and Self-control found on my website.”

Is it possible to never sin? God gave those who believe divine power to take every thought captive so we can command the tempting thoughts and desires to leave in Jesus’ Name. It works, try it. But instead of entertaining enticing thoughts, change how you think so you won’t sin. Romans 8:5,6 states, “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6) For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” So, how do you set your mind on the things of the Spirit? And, what is the Spirit? The Spirit is part of the trinity and refers to the Spirit of God and Christ. You set your mind on the Spirit by doing the next three practices:

Pray at all times (see Ephesians 6:18; Romans 12:12; and 1Thessalonians 5:17); pray for help when you are being enticed and tempted to sin. Hebrews 2:17,18 states “Therefore he (Jesus) had to be made like his brothers in every respect so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18) For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”
Praise Him and be thankful (see Hebrews 13:15; Revelation 19:5; Philippians 4:6,7; and 1Thessalonians 5:18), and
Ponder Scripture as you memorize each day (see Psalm 119:11 and Joshua 1:8).
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; ²but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. ³He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. (Psalm 1:1-3)

When you set your mind on the Spirit, you live by the Spirit and put to death the deeds of the flesh. Romans 8:13 states, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” So, when you live according to the Spirit, you will experience life and peace because you are abiding in Christ Jesus (see John 15). But before you can set your mind on the Spirit, you must first submit your mind and life to God (see James 4:7). See the blog posts How do you seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness? and Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE to learn how.

So, why does setting your mind on the flesh and sin cause death? Sin separates you from God (Isaiah 59:1,2) so you spiritually die, which leads to an eternity in hell, if you don’t repent and seek forgiveness. Romans 6:23 states, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Dead means no life, no energy, and no growth; like a branch cut off from a tree. When you sin, you are cut off from God’s power and life force. You may become depressed, fearful, angry, feel purposeless, shame, guilt, and devoid of hope and life. Maybe you have guilt from the past when you lived in the flesh. Ask God to forgive you, then put off the fleshly desires and the guilt, receive God’s forgiveness (see 1John 1:9).

I discovered I had to ask God to heal my memories of when I gave into enticing thoughts and sinned because those memories recreate the enticement. Memories of sinful acts lead to a vicious cycle of sinning and repentance. Read my short book on my website to heal the memories from your past sinful lifestyle. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

If you are not feeling life and peace, then read the following definitions of the various fleshly desires identified in Galatians 5:19-21 and Colossians 3:5-7. Ask God to reveal if any of them control your thoughts and behavior. To experience freedom, read the last section called “Overcoming Harmful Actions and Addictions” in the third chapter called 3–Breaking Free From Mental Strongholds to learn how to eliminate them.

Sexual immorality is sexual relations outside the limits of a biblical marriage.

Impurity or uncleanness is everything not pleasing to God, who is holy. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any impure and unclean thoughts from watching or reading lustful or violent stories, and interests that glorify sinful desires. Remember, you are the temple of the living God, and He lives in you through the Holy Spirit. For example, a potty mouth is impure and unclean, so you must crucify it by taking the thoughts captive and putting them off.

Sensuality is a fondness for sensual pleasures such as lewd sex, drugs, and alcohol, also passions which are extreme affections or lusts.

Evil desires are longings for anything God forbids (i.e. revenge, wealth, witchcraft, selfish ambition, etc.)

Covetousness is a longing for something someone else has (i.e., you want someone else’s spouse, car, job, wealth, fame, etc.)

Greediness is an uncontrollable desire for more.

Witchcraft or sorcery is the use of evil supernatural power over people and their affairs. Includes astrology, fortune-telling, seances, charms, curses, superstition, and trying to contact spirits.

Enmity is hostility or always ready to hate someone and hold a grudge.

Strife is to quarrel, struggle, or be in conflict. This person is argumentative, rebellious, contentious, or contrary.

Jealousy is feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages.

There is hope for complete freedom from the fleshly desires controlling your thoughts and immoral behavior.

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

Posts on Thoughts

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book is Unlocking God’s Promises, which explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Three Steps to Renew Your Mind (Part Two)

Have you seen transformation shows on TV? Isn’t it amazing how they transform people, houses, yards, and furniture? I refinished a lot of furniture in my time, and the part I hated most was stripping off the old paint. But it was worth the effort when the project was completed. Renewing your mind is a similar process. The mind determines what you think, perceive, feel, and believe, which then influences your decisions and behaviors. So, when you renew your mind you are transforming your life.

First, gather your supplies, in the case of renewing your mind, you must make sure you have God’s forgiveness and salvation through Jesus Christ. Read part one if you haven’t already; Forgiven and Saved? Now Renew Your Mind (Part One)

Next, find out what you are dealing with, ask God to search your heart and mind to show what sinful and wrong thoughts control your behavior (Jeremiah 17:10; Revelation 2:23; Psalm 139:23-24). Write them down so you know what to tackle first. To make this job easier, you need to remove pride first, read The Core Negative Heart Issue

The two tools you need are Scripture and prayer. The prayer tool is the binding and loosing principle. Matthew 16:19b and 18:18 states, “…whatever you bind (Greek meaning: knit, tie, fasten) on earth will be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose (Greek meaning: release, destroy, put off) on earth will be loosed in heaven.” You loose wrong thoughts the same way you loose and remove rust and old paint, then you bind on truthful thoughts the same way you put on a new coat of paint. To learn more about authority in prayer read; Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

Ephesians 4:22-24 explains the instructions, “put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires (lusts), and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Corrupt in this passage means perverted, which deviates from what is right, natural, or true. Deceit is the act of representing as true what is false; a lie; a trick. Lust is an intense desire to gratify the senses; bodily appetite or pleasure.

Do these three exercises to renew your mind and transform your life:

Put off fleshly desires (sin nature). “For the mind set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (see Romans 8:7-8). Gal 5:19-21 states, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Colossians 3:5-7 tells us to, “Put to death (crucify); therefore, what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6) On account of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7) In these, you too once walked, when you were living in them.” We have divine power to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ Jesus (see 2Corinthians 10:3-5). Begin by removing one sinful, wrong thought at a time. Next, put on the corresponding characteristic of the Holy Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness/meekness, faithfulness/truthfulness, and Self-control found on my website.

Put on your new self, which is the image of God, righteous and holy. Review Ephesians 4:23-24 above. Colossians 3:10 also states, “put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator (Jesus).” Wow! Our new self is in the likeness and image of Jesus, and we are righteous and holy (see Eph. 4:24)! Our new self does not automatically happen in one instance, but we transform one thought at a time by renewing our minds with the truth of God’s Word.

Now live according to the Spirit by setting your mind on the things of the Spirit, which is truth. Just as you live, abide, and spend time in your home, live, abide, and spend time in God’s Word. Read my post called; Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

John 8:31-32 states, “So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Also, John 15:7 tells us, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” What a great promise.

Romans 8:13-14 states, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons [and daughters] of God.”

Gal 5:16 states, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Live and walk according to the Spirit by showing His fruit in your life. – Galatians 5:22-24 states, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24) And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” You keep your mind on the Spirit by turning every thought into a prayer, praising Him, and pondering Scripture.

You also need to renew your painful memories, explained in my book on my website. Also, on my website is a worksheet for each characteristic of the fruit of the Spirit. Each worksheet lists wrong thoughts, beliefs, right thoughts, and transformational truth statements.

I hope the information in this post helps you to be victorious over sin and addictions. Renewing our inner self is a day by day process. There is hope for complete healing and victory as you submit your mind to God and His truth in His Word. I appreciate your comments because I like to learn from others.

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

Begin reading my book: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

My latest book is Unlocking God’s Promises, which explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Forgiven and Saved? Now Renew Your Mind (Part One)

People are like an iceberg, there is so much more under the surface than what you see. I knew I was forgiven and saved, but I struggled with wrong thinking for most of my life. I never had victory over my thoughts and emotions until I learned how to renew my mind and take my thoughts captive and heal my painful memories. Unfortunately, most people who receive forgiveness and salvation do not live in victory over their sinful thoughts, so they are hypocrites to the rest of the world who then don’t want to be forgiven and saved. In this post you will learn how to be victorious over your thoughts and sinful behavior, so you can be holy and righteous.

The following two promises define what being forgiven and saved are. God forgives all your sins and cleanses you from all unrighteousness when you confess your sins (Psalms 103:3 and 1John 1:9). And, you have salvation from sin and death and have the hope of eternal life through Jesus Christ (John 10:27, 14:6; 28; 3:16 – Romans 5:12; 6:23; 8:2; 10:9 – Ephesians 2:8 – Titus 3:4-7 – 1 John 5:13).

So, what is sin?

Webster’s dictionary defines sin as the disobedience of the moral principles of the Bible, primarily through a willful act. The definition of moral is to know the distinction between right and wrong conduct or action. The truths in Deuteronomy 9:18, 1Kings 16:19, 1 Samuel 15:23, and 2Chronicals 12:14 explain that we do evil when we do not seek the LORD with our whole heart. Evil is to harm or destroy someone. Evil people are also called wicked and depraved. When we don’t seek the LORD with our whole heart then we too will do evil. Some of the sins listed in the Bible are sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, evil desires, covetousness, greediness, witchcraft and sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, factions and divisions, dissensions, envying, drunkenness, carousing and orgies, outbursts of anger, hate, resentment, lying, stealing, and idolatry.

What is salvation?

Romans 3:23-24 explains salvation.

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and
are justified by His grace as a gift, (see Romans 6:23 and Ephesians 2:8,9)
- Justified– just as if I did not sin. Grace – getting what I do not deserve.
through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,
- Redemption –payment to restore a right relationship and to transform
whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood,
- Propitiation– to pay a penalty to appease and make right again (reconciliation).
to be received by faith.
- Faith is choosing to believe and trust that what God said He would do, He will do. Webster dictionary defines faith as believing something is true, real, etc., and to have confidence in a statement or promise. Though we did not see Jesus die to pay the penalty for our sins, we also do not see our justification by His grace. But by faith, we are confident we have it. We believe what is written by the Apostles because they went through the experience and witnessed the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. They saw the curtain in the temple Holy of Holies being ripped in two and the great earthquake when Jesus died for us. Then over 500 people saw Jesus ascension into heaven, where he is now making intercession for us (see Hebrews 7:25).

2Thesolonians 2:13b states you are, “saved, through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth.” (The Holy Spirit is truth, see John 14:17; 15:26; 16:13; and 1John 5:6). To be sanctified is to be made holy and consecrated through belief in Jesus Christ and the truth (see John 17:17). 1Corinthians 6:11 explains that you will be “washed, sanctified, justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

Now what?

Though you are forgiven, saved, and sanctified you now must renew your thinking to be victorious over sin. All sin begins in your mind as a temptation. Temptations are enticements based on lies that generate unhealthy, false beliefs and create thoughts of offense. So, your mind needs renewing and transformed every day by the truth of God’s Word. Romans 12:2 states to “be transformed by the renewal of your mind” and Ephesians 4:23 states we are “to be renewed in the spirit of your minds.” Titus 3:5 states, “he [Jesus] saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit” and 2Corinthians 4:16 states, “our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

Renewing your mind is removing sinful, evil desires and lusts by putting off these thoughts through prayer, then putting on the things of the Spirit; truthful thoughts found in the Bible. Ephesians 4:22-24 explains we are, “to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires (lusts), and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Corrupt in this passage means perverted, which deviates from what is right, natural, or true. Deceit is the act of representing as true what you know to be false; a lie; a trick. Lust is an intense desire to gratify the senses; bodily appetite or pleasure.

Next week I will explain three exercises to renew your mind and transform your life.

There is hope to be victorious over wrong thinking and out-of-control emotions.

Define Your Mission in Life

Why is a mission important to have? How does a mission statement help you achieve your heart’s desires? The following are excerpts from HABIT 2 – BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND—Principles of Personal Leadership by Stephen Covey from “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”

Begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm of the end of your life as your frame of reference or the criterion by which you examine everything else. What do you want people to say at your funeral? (What do you want God to say when you stand before Him?) By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important. Make each day contribute in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life. Start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you’re going so you better understand where you are now. So the steps you take are always in the right direction.

A Personal Mission Statement

A personal mission statement focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based. It becomes a personal constitution, the basis for making major, life-directing decisions, the basis for making daily decisions during the circumstances and emotions that affect our lives. Writing or reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think through your priorities deeply, carefully, and to align your behavior with your beliefs.

Identifying Roles and Goals

We each have many different roles in our lives–different areas or capacities in which we have responsibility. I may, for example, have a role as an individual, a spouse, a parent, a teacher, a church member, and a businessman. And each of these roles is important. Your mission statement will be much more balanced and easier to work with if you break it down into the specific role areas of your life and the goals you want to accomplish in each area. An effective goal focuses primarily on results rather than activity.

Mission Statement for my life and how I will accomplish it.

The guiding principle for my life is knowing that what I do has eternal value or contributes to it. My life verse is 2 Corinthians 5:10 (ESV), “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”

I will do the following to reflect this principle.

1. I will be controlled by love and I live for Jesus Christ. 2Corinthians 5:14a,15b states, “For the love of Christ controls us,… those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

I will do the following to show Jesus Christ’s love.

I will stay in forgiveness and pray for the people in my life.
I will be kind in what I say and do.
I will give preference to the interests and desires of other people; Philippians 2:3,4 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.”
I will encourage people to love God, to pursue holiness, to show love, and live in peace; Ephesians 4:2,3, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” And, Hebrews 12:14, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”

2. I will be heavenly minded and not worldly minded by doing the following.

I will seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness instead of being anxious.
I will seek to give to Christian efforts to grow the kingdom of God.
I will fill my mind with scripture and memorize it so I may not sin: Psalm 119:11, “I have hidden Your Word in my heart so that I might not sin against You.”
I will not look at worthless things. I will only look at things that inspire me to do good and love well (see Ps. 119:37, Ps 101:3).
I will practice 1Thessalonians 5:16-18 and;

- - Rejoice always as I think on Biblical truths—Col. 3:1-3;
  - pray without ceasing by turning every thought into a prayer;
  - give thanks in all circumstances and not grumble or complain because I am His workmanship and God has a purpose for everything—Ephesians 2:10,11 and Philippians 2:13.
I will not seek to fulfill any desires that draw me away from my devotion to God.
I will not desire worldly possessions beyond reasonable needs.

3. I will make my time count for eternity by doing the following.

Serve others as Christ did when He was on this earth (Matt. 20:28; Phil 2:3-7).
Seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10) and lead people to a saving knowledge of Christ Jesus and hand out New Testament Bibles.
Teach Biblical principles through my blog, prison ministry, and be a good witness of the love of Christ.

Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

Victorious Thinking to Live a Successful Life

Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Abolish New Year’s Resolutions

If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Abolish New Year’s Resolutions

Every year we resolve to change our eating style, exercise more, lose weight, get in shape, declutter the house, etc. and every year we last maybe a month or two at the most. There will be advise on how to be intentional and set goals and anything in between. There is nothing wrong with New Year’s resolutions except we don’t have the strength nor the will to see them through. I found I need God’s help to accomplish my goals.

Instead of resolutions, I can’t resolve to keep, I pick a Bible passage with a spiritual principle I want my life to reflect. Then I pray for that principle in to my life each day or at least once a week. My co-worker chooses a word to focus on like, “endure” or “revive,” etc. Dayle’s blog, called One Word, explains this well.

This past year, I picked 2 Corinthians 5:14a,15b, which states, “For the love of Christ controls us, … those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” I chose this passage because I struggle with loving people enough to sacrifice my desires and give preference to their desires. So, I prayed I will be controlled by the love of Christ and not to live for myself but for Jesus. So, throughout the year, I prayed to be controlled by the love of Jesus. Then, I imagined being controlled by His love and what Jesus would do. Christ’s love reached out to the lost, and He had compassion for people.

So, how did I do this past year with this prayer? I could have done better. When I prayed this scripture into my life, God led me to repent of my pride and of self-centered living so His love could control me. Then, God led me to repent of self-control issues so His love can control my reactions. You can read my transformation testimonies throughout this year in the following posts.

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE (anxiety disorder is gone, YEA!)

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Self-control and Maturity

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

I will continue to practice being controlled by the love of Christ and the previous year’s verses to rejoice always, pray continually, and be thankful in everything (1Theselonians 5:16-18). In the coming year, I want to pray for God to help me memorize scripture. So, I will focus on praying Psalm 119:11, “I have hidden Your Word in my heart, so that I might not sin against You.” Knowing God’s Word is vital to fight against the unseen evil forces of the world. I will hopefully write about the many battles we fight each day and the scriptures we can use to be victorious. Plus, as I memorize scripture, I am developing right thinking which then creates healthy beliefs and behavior. According to Joshua 1:8, when I meditate on Scripture then I will be prosperous and I will have good success. Joshua 1:8 states, “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”

There is hope for complete healing and transforming negative heart issues. May God bless you richly in the coming year as you abide with Him and meditate on His Word.

Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People

What is a toxic person? The answer is simple, a toxic person is someone who has no control over their emotions and thoughts. This person is controlled by subconscious painful memories. You do not have to be fearful of out-of-control people but put your trust in God. The Bible says, God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind (see 1 Timothy 1:7). In this post, you will learn how to have power, love, and a sound mind so you can establish healthy boundaries. In my last post, I shared a study that described how felt love improves your well-being. Read it here: Are Your Relationships Improving Your Well-Being?. Being around negative, angry, fearful, and insecure people wear down your well-being.

You can find many articles on how to set-up boundaries for out-of-control people, so I won’t teach that here. I recommend the book called Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud, which I read when I was married to an abusive ex-husband. The instructions in the Boundaries book was very helpful, but I couldn’t set healthy boundaries because I was toxic and out of control myself. Then I read a book called Why Should I Be the First to Change? by Chuck and Nancy Missler, which transformed my victim mentality. In this post, you will learn why and how to change yourself before you can set healthy boundaries.

Have healthy beliefs about yourself so you can set healthy boundaries.
Love and respect yourself so you will maintain boundaries.
Apply the truths in God’s Word to heal your toxic emotions and your toxic relationships.

You cannot change how a person behaves, you can only change yourself. As you change, your unhealthy beliefs, then you can set healthy boundaries on the destructive behavior of others. Boundaries identify the problem, consequences, and the way to reconciliation. Boundaries help the emotionally unhealthy person see their need to change. You can pray for God to intervene and change the person, but God cannot change a person’s will if they do not want to surrender their lives to Him and do what the Bible says. Romans 8:7 tells us, “For the mind that is set on the flesh (sin and pleasing yourself) is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law (love); indeed, it cannot.” God’s law is love: Romans 13:10 states, “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” And, Galatians 5:14 states, “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.‘” (Also, read James 2:8.) Toxic people are focused on their on sinful, selfish desires and cannot love others well.

1. First, you must have healthy beliefs about yourself so you can set healthy boundaries.

Understand why you were attracted to a destructive person. For me, I grew up in an abusive home and had no sense of self-worth and no sense of how a healthy person thinks. When I first went to a psychologist who understood abuse and the damage it does to the soul, I learned I had an unhealthy belief that I did not deserve to be loved. And, because I did not love myself, I felt I deserved the abuse. I believed I needed to try harder. But I couldn’t because I was a toxic person as well. As a Christian, I saw my relationships were not loving according to the Bible. The Bible tells us the kind of love we are to have in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (ESV).” Does your life or relationships reflect this kind of healthy love?

Painful memories cause people to be toxic. Painful memories generate unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking, which shows in what we say and do. To be a healthy, loving person, you need to heal your painful memories and develop healthy beliefs about yourself, others, and even God. As your memories are healed, oppressive spirits are removed, and unhealthy beliefs are transformed by Biblical truth, then you can set healthy boundaries on your behavior and other’s behavior. I explain how to do this in my short book called, Hope for Complete Healing.

2. Love and respect yourself so you will maintain boundaries.

When I began to receive the love of God and learn to love myself, I began to see myself as valuable. I knew I needed to respect myself, but I couldn’t. So, I began to practice putting boundaries on my thoughts and emotions. But because I relied on my will-power, these boundaries only worked to a limited extent. Lasting change came when I healed my painful memories and transformed unhealthy beliefs. Desiring to love and respect myself forced me to seek God to show me my painful memories and to heal them. The Bible says I need to forgive those who sin against me as God has forgiven me. So, as I continued to forgive the unkind people in my life and focused on the things I could be thankful for, I felt peace and joy. When I saw the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, trust, and self-control in my life, then I could respect myself.

The following quote from Eleanore Roosevelt helped me in a hostile work environment, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Meaning, I can choose not to feel inferior by those who do not respect me and say unkind things. My psychologist explained that the things my ex-husband was saying about me did not represent the truth or reality. This helped me to not internalize the unkind things my ex-husband said to me. I was able to set a healthy boundary around my heart to not internalize unkind words and actions.

3. Apply the truths in God’s Word to heal your toxic emotions and toxic relationships.

Knowing Biblical truths, help you identify the problem and explain why you must set boundaries. Let the toxic person know you value them and the relationship. The person may get angry or anxious and will try to manipulate you or make you feel guilty, but don’t be afraid. Depending on God to help you is the only way to have the power to set boundaries and see lasting change. Be accountable to an older person who knows the truth of God’s Word and is secure enough to point out your wrong thinking.

Recently, I had to establish a separation boundary with a person I thought was my friend but who did not respect or honor me. This was hard to do because I thought I could help her. Helping hurting people is not a bad thing if they submit to God’s work in their hearts and minds and obey Him. Feeling the need to support and be loyal to unloving people makes a person co-dependent to that person. You can read many articles about co-dependency, so I will not cover that hot topic.

You can read how I trusted the promises of God during my divorce and custody battle in the post called Trust God to Keep His Promises.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

OTHER RELATED POSTS:

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words Produce Death or Life Energy

Are Your Relationships Improving Your Well-Being?

So, what is well-being and how do you improve it? Dictionary.com explains it as a state (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual) characterized by health, happiness, and prosperity. I told you in my last post, I was going to write about abusive relationships. This is a very hard topic to write, and though I have the experience, it is still very emotional and hard. Abuse destroys a person’s well-being. The opposite of abuse is love and not just love for the sake of love but felt love. I care about your well-being and the well-being of your family, which is why I have written a lot of posts on how to have a healthy relationship, see POSTS Related to Relationships. Also, read what healthy love is in Love From a Pure Heart.

So, what is felt love and how does it affect our well-being? I came across a research article about this topic, and I share it below.

Feeling loved in everyday life linked with improved well-being

Research suggests that those small, but important daily gestures of love and support may be connected with improved well-being. By Matt Swayne

November 25, 2019

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. — Poets and songwriters may tend to focus their artistry on passion and romance, but it may be those unsung, brief feelings of love throughout the day that are connected with psychological well-being, according to a team of researchers led by two Penn State Institute for Computational and Data Sciences (ICDS) researchers. They added that the findings could one day lead to interventions aimed at boosting well-being.

In two studies, the researchers found that people who experienced higher “felt love” — brief experiences of love and connection in everyday life — also had significantly higher levels of psychological well-being, which includes feelings of purpose and optimism, compared to those who had lower felt love scores. They also found that people with higher felt love tended to have higher extroversion personality scores, while people with lower felt love scores were more likely to show signs of neuroticism.

“We took a very broad approach when we looked at love,” said Zita Oravecz, assistant professor of human development and family studies and ICDS faculty co-hire. “Everyday felt love is conceptually much broader than romantic love. It’s those micro-moments in your life when you experience resonance with someone. For example, if you’re talking to a neighbor and they express concern for your well-being, then you might resonate with that and experience it as a feeling of love, and that might improve your well-being.”

According to the researchers, the baseline of the subjects’ felt love experiences, in general, rose throughout the study, suggesting that the nudges to recognize examples of love and connection during the study may also have gradually increased the subjects’ overall sense of being loved. Stronger experiences of felt love, in turn, are associated with improvements in psychological well-being.

“It’s something that we’ve seen in the literature on mindfulness, when people are reminded to focus attention on positive things, their overall awareness of those positive things begins to rise,” said Oravecz. “Similarly, just by paying attention to those everyday moments of felt love, we may also increase our awareness of the overall positive aspects of love in our daily lives. This effect replicates in both studies, implying that raising awareness of felt love in day-to-day life may itself be an intervention that raises levels of felt love over a longer period of time.”

The researchers, who report their findings in the current issue of Personality and Individual Differences, added that because the studies have only shown a correlation between felt love and well-being, more research would be needed to establish a causal relationship. If a firmer connection is established, the researchers said possible interventions could be designed, such as sending regular reminders to a person’s smartphone to draw attention to the felt love that they may be experiencing in that moment to raise psychological well-being. Similar interventions have been designed for mindfulness and gratitude.

The team relied on smartphone technology to gather data from participants throughout their everyday lives. In the first study, they recruited 52 people of various ages. The second study consisted of 160 undergraduate students. Participants received six random prompts throughout the day over a four-week period to assess felt love and well-being, according to Timothy Brick, assistant professor of human development and family studies and ICDS co-hire. He added that sending these messages randomly throughout the day was critical to manage the possible effects of expectation bias.

“It’s important from a research point-of-view,” said Brick. “If the participants expect a call or a text at a certain time of day, they are no longer reacting to what’s going on in their daily life but are expecting the prompt and reacting to that expectation.”

Gathering data multiple times throughout the day from more than 200 subjects over a month can produce a lot of data, said Brick. Also, these everyday experiences of love tend to fluctuate during the study, which can result in what the researchers termed “noisy” data.

“It’s often very difficult to measure psychological quantities because we don’t always have a great idea about what’s going on in our own heads,” said Brick.

Oravecz added, “But with the right statistical methods, we can start to get at questions about difficult constructs like love or compassion, and hopefully build interventions to promote them.”

To analyze this large amount of noisy data, the researchers used nuanced statistical tools. According to Oravecz, the researchers specifically used a Bayesian latent stochastic differential equations model to cut through the noise in the data and identify processes happening underneath. This method is especially suited to help scientists investigate intricate social systems, which often involve relationships that generate complex, highly variable data, she said.

According to the researchers, this statistical method may be used more as social scientists begin to gather large amounts of real-world data from sensors on wearable devices. The researchers used computational resources of ICDS’s advanced computer infrastructure for their analysis.

The team also included Jessica Dirsmith, clinical assistant professor of education, Duquesne University; Saeideh Heshmati, assistant professor of psychology, Claremont Graduate University; and Joachim Vandekerckhove, associate professor of cognitive sciences, University of California Irvine.

This research was supported by the John Templeton Foundation.

Being Thankful During Hardships

How does being thankful help me? No one can escape hardships, it is part of living in an imperfect world. We can’t choose our hardships either, but we can choose how we respond. Viktor Frankl, a Nazi concentration camp survivor, wrote a book called Man’s Search for Meaning. The following is a quote, “Even in the degradation and abject misery of a concentration camp, Frankl was able to exercise the most important freedom of all – the freedom to determine one’s own attitude and spiritual well-being. No sadistic Nazi SS guard was able to take that away from him or control the inner-life of Frankl’s soul.” Though your hardship may not compare to torture in a concentration camp, hardships cause you to focus on your loss, which causes stress on your mind and body. I must admit, it is hard to be thankful if you are in an abusive relationship. I will write more concerning this in the next post. Please understand, Satan wants you to stay focused on your hardship and bring destruction in your life (see John 10:10). To learn more, read: Four Realities of the Spirit World

No matter the hardship, we can be thankful for something. Being thankful is an inner-life attitude that determines if we rise above our problems or sink deeper into despair. You see, it is God’s will for you to be thankful in all circumstances (see 1Thes. 5:18 and Eph. 5:20). If you find it hard to be thankful, call out to God for help (see Hebrews 4:14-16). If you want to experience peace amid your hardship, then do what the Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:6,7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” When I am thankful for God’s love, provision, mercy, and grace and trust Him to take care of my problems, I feel peace and joy. When I focus on my negative thoughts, I became anxious and stressed again. The Bible says God gives us hope, Romans 15:13 states, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Also, peace and joy remove the effects of stress in our bodies and minds.

Hardships are the main cause of offenses and resentments, which come from wrong thoughts of unfairness. If you don’t capture and loose these wrong thoughts, they will generate negative feelings and your negative feelings will produce false beliefs, which then direct destructive behaviors like anger fits, drinking, doing drugs, hurting others or yourself, depression, etc. Being thankful transforms wrong thoughts and results in peace and joy despite the hardship. I heard from a missionary to China, that the Christian Chinese people are joyful despite their hardships when many times everything is taken from them and they are put in jail.

During my job loss, I focused on God’s goodness, faithfulness, loving-kindness, and how He will cause all things to work together for my good. Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Abuse and loss through death are different because that involves a loss of love, which I will cover in the next post. Being thankful and focused on God and not your loss will fill you with peace and joy. Read my story in Trust God to Keep His Promises and how I experienced many miracles despite my loss in divorce.

So, what can we be thankful for? You can begin with the following 15 promises. To learn more about each promise read 15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep.

We are saved from sin and death and have the hope of eternal life.
God forgives all your sins and cleanses you from all unrighteousness when you confess your sin.
God will never leave you nor forsake you because He loves you.
You are more than a conqueror through Christ who loves you, and nothing will separate you from His love.
God’s plans for you are for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
God will cause all things to work together for good according to His purpose for those that love Him.
God will supply all your needs according to His riches.
When we come to God and do what He says, we will dwell secure and will find rest, without the dread of disaster.
God is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability to bear it. With the temptation, He will provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
God gives power and strength and helps us when we trust Him.
God is doing a new thing in your life, and He will make a way where there is no way.
God’s peace will guard your heart and your mind when you trust Him in every situation and pray with thanksgiving as you present your requests to Him.
If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us and if we know He hears us in whatever we ask; we know we have the requests we have asked of Him.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Practice makes perfect. Practice being thankful every day so when hardships come you can be thankful and not let the hardship steal your peace and joy.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

RELATED POSTS:

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Victorious Thinking to Live a Successful Life

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

Know Your Purpose?

My son asked me what his purpose was. Have you figured out the purpose for your existence? I wondered what my purpose was for many years, but then I saw my purpose every day in how I treated other people. Websters dictionary defines purpose as to aim, intend, or resolve to do something good or something toward achieving a goal. But, did you ever think your purpose is to intentionally show love, be kind, be patient and gentle when annoyed, spread joy, ease a burden for someone, live in peace with others, be faithful to your family and employer, be trustworthy and not lie, and lastly to be self-controlled and not indulge your unhealthy feelings or desires. The following verses are well known to many concerning God’s purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare (peace) and not for evil (calamity or harm), to give you a future and a hope.” (ESV) Welfare is the state of being or doing well; condition of health, happiness, and prosperity; well-being. God wants to give you a future and a hope. This verse was a prophesy Jeremiah told the Israelites who were taken as captives into Babylon. If you are experiencing calamity or harm in your life and not welfare, please read EVIL—What is it and what is the remedy?

Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Are you willing to hope in the good purpose God has for you though you may have to go through hard times?

Ephesians 2:10 states, “For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” You may not understand what the good works are you are to do, but stay in prayer and submitted to God to continue to work in your life to fulfill your purpose. To understand more, read Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Being patient when God’s purpose for you is difficult. God wonderfully uses people to fulfill His plan to change history. The purpose of God for each of us will have significance, no matter how insignificant we may think it is. Working in the nursery at church has a significant impact for the kingdom of God as you show God’s love to the little ones. I hope the following summaries will help you see that God’s purposes are different for each person. Note how hardships prepared each person for their purpose. We only need to obey, be faithful, and trust Him even when we don’t see the whole picture or results.

Adam’s and Eve’s purpose was to rule all the created creatures, birds, fish, and all the earth. They were to be fruitful and multiply and to obey God. So, when they disobeyed, then sin and its consequences entered the world which still affects us today. See Genesis, Chapters 1-4. Your purpose is the same. We should all do our part in caring for the earth God created.

Noah’s purpose was to build an ark which took over100 years to build. He obeyed God even though he did not understand what a flood or rain was. Everyone ridiculed him the entire time he was building the ark , but he steadfastly obeyed God’s purpose for his life. See Genesis, chapters 5-11. You may have to go through ridicule when those around you do not understand why God wants you to undertake a huge task. Don’t waver, just obey. For example, God asked me to write this study. I am not a writer and I did not know what to write, but I obeyed, though I didn’t understand why He asked me. He knows something I don’t know.

Abraham’s purpose was to be the father of the Jewish nation, yet he had no children until he was 100 years old, when he had Isaac. God told Abraham to leave his family and go to a foreign land and settle there. He obeyed God and remained faithful, and God blessed him wherever he went. Because of his faith, he was known as the friend of God. See Genesis, chapters 12-23. You may not understand why God asked you to do something, just believe and obey, because He wants to bless you.

Joseph’s purpose was to be the ruler of Egypt and save his family (the beginning of the Jewish nation) from starvation. Before he could fulfill God’s purpose, he became a slave in Egypt and unjustly put in prison for three years. After that, he was asked to interpret Pharaoh’s dream, and God inspired Pharaoh to make Joseph second in command of Egypt. Joseph did not know what his purpose was until he saw his brothers many years later, but he remained faithful to God. See Genesis, chapters 37-47. Going through hardships is not fun but keep your eyes on Jesus and you will see later how your hardships were used to fulfill your purpose. To learn more read Example of Suffering Well and God’s Response: Part 2 of Suffering Well

Moses’s purpose was to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, where they were being oppressed and made slaves. God arranged for Moses to grow up in Pharaoh’s house until he fled into the wilderness when he killed an Egyptian for hurting a fellow Hebrew. After spending 40 years herding sheep in the wilderness and at 80 years old, God spoke to Moses from a burning bush to tell him to go back to Egypt and lead the people out. Moses obeyed but asked God for help because he did not speak well, so God arranged for his brother Aaron to meet him. See Exodus, chapters 1-4. As God had to humble Moses, you may need to be humbled before God can use you for His purpose.

David was anointed king around 15 years old. He knew his purpose, but it was another 15 years until he became King. Much of the 15 years he waited, he spent wandering the wilderness and living in caves while fleeing from King Saul, who was trying to kill him. But David remained faithful to God and is known for having a heart after God. See 1Samuel, chapters 19-22. He also wrote many of the Psalms, which reflected his feelings during the 15-year waiting period. God may have you waiting. Trust He has a purpose for the waiting period which may be full of trials and difficulties. Keep trusting God.

Daniel’s purpose was to be a ruler in Babylon then Persia and to pray for Israel. He was taken as a captive to Babylon at 16 years old and indoctrinated into the Babylonian culture. Daniel remained faithful to God and continued to trust Him. God put into his heart the desire to pray three times a day for Israel, and he was faithful to this purpose even knowing he would be thrown into the lion’s den. But God sent an angel to shut the hungry lion’s mouths. See Daniel, chapters 1-6. Though you may not face being thrown to the lions, keep your eyes on Jesus through prayer and do not despair, no matter what situation you find yourself in.

Esther was a Babylonian Jewish captive whose purpose was to save the Jewish nation from annihilation. The Persian King wanted another Queen after beheading the previous queen. So, there was a beauty contest, and Esther won. She was queen for many years before she became aware of the plan to kill the Jewish captives. It took courage for her to approach the King to save herself and her people. At that moment she fulfilled God’s purpose for her life.

There are many other Old Testament examples. Here are two New Testament examples:

Jesus’s purpose was to redeem us from our sinful nature and eternal death, by offering Himself as a perfect sacrifice to pay the penalty and debt for our sin. He was 33 years old when he fulfilled his purpose. John 12:27 states, “Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose, I came to this hour.” Ephesians 1:7-9 states, “In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sins, according to the riches of His grace, 8) which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight, 9) He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him” God’s main purpose for mankind is to be in a right relationship with Him through believing and receiving the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the gift of eternal life in Heaven.

Saul, who was killing and imprisoning Christians, became Paul, whose purpose was to spread Christianity to the Gentiles. God struck him down and blinded him for three days, then he received the call of God on his life. For the next three years he lived in the wilderness, being taught by God. When Paul obeyed and remained faithful, God could use him for His purpose. He spent most of his ministry in prison because of a wrongful accusation, where he wrote most of the New Testament, which was God’s purpose for him. Acts 26:16 explains Paul’s conversion. “Get up and stand on your feet; for this purpose I [Jesus] have appeared to you, to appoint you a minister and a witness not only to the things which you have seen, but also to the things in which I will appear to you;” In Acts 20:27, Paul wrote, “For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God.” According to this verse, the Bible defines our purpose; therefore, we must study the God’s Word to know His purpose for us.

In the examples above, they all had to go through some suffering and wilderness experiences to prepare them for their purpose. Remember, hardships strengthen your faith and increases your perseverance. Some people may never know their purpose because their purpose was fulfilled as they lived out their lives. And, some people will only know their purpose at the moment God calls, and they obey.

I always struggled to know my purpose. God showed me in the Bible that my purpose was to live my life for Him and do what He has given me to do at that moment. I want to encourage every parent to embrace the purpose to raise God-fearing children who know and obey God’s Word. Do not swerve from that significant purpose. The devil will try to distract you through worldly activities and idolatry

Reflections and Application:

What does it look like to surrender to God’s sovereignty and purpose?

How do you know what the good purpose is for your life?

Related Posts:

Being Thankful During Hardships

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Psalm 91 Posts

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

A child has no filter when they speak. A child will speak whatever is on their mind. As adults, we think it is cute. When an adult has no filter, it is not cute, just offensive. Self-control begins in your mind. Your mind determines what you think, perceive, feel, and believe, which influences your decisions and behaviors. Your mind stores memories of the past and present that controls your thoughts and feelings. So, to be self-controlled we must transform our minds.

My last two posts explain how and why childhood issues need to be transformed so we can be self-controlled. The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control and Self-control and Maturity.

Do you know what is in your mind? What you think? How you feel?

To transform your mind, you first must become aware of what is in your mind. Since God is the all-knowing Spirit who created us, ask Him to show you, because He knows all your thoughts and ways. Psalm 139:1-4 state, “O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2) You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3) You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4) Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.” Jeremiah 17:9,10 state, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10) ‘I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.’” Also read Revelations 2:23. If you do not want to be rewarded according to your evil thoughts, then you need to ask God to reveal them, so you can repent and put them out of your mind. Remember, we reap a lot more than we sow (see Galatians 6:7,8). Psalm 139:23,24 state, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!”

How do we transform our minds?

The bible says a lot about how we are to think and be self-controlled in all areas of our life. In fact, Romans 12:2 tells us “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Transforming your mind happens as you look to Jesus for help as you read the Scriptures. Transform means to take another form and renew means to make new. The phrase, “that by testing you may discern” is also translated in the King James Version as “that you may prove.” The meaning of these two phrases is commonly applied to testing the quality of metals by fire. Spiritually, these two phrases indicate, as your mind is renewed you will be able to pass the test and understand the will of God, and what is written in the Bible. So, as your mind is renewed you will become more self-controlled and will be able to love well. My short-book on my website explains the scientific and spiritual research for why and how to transform our minds to achieve a self-controlled life.

How to control your tongue.

When we control how we think with the help of God, then we can control how we speak, and be mature. This can only be done by continually abiding with Jesus in the heavenly places through prayer, which can be accomplished by turning every thought into a prayer. See my post called, Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

The Bible says we are to bridle our tongue to control it, like we bridle a horse to control it. James 1:26 states, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” And, James 3:2,3 state, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle (control) his whole body. 3) If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.” Some people have problems gossiping, complaining, being critical, and arguing. Why? How can we live blameless lives before God (Philippians 1:9-11)?

(Update: I know I am being vulnerable, but I hope it helps you in some way. A few days after I posted this, I wrote a negative venting email to my friend while under the control of my feelings, and spoke negative about my someone. I felt the conviction to not write what I did (should have heeded the Holy Spirit), but I did it anyway. At 4:30 a.m. the next morning, God put His finger on my heart about it. I repented and ask Him what I could do to not let my feelings control my responses. God said (paraphrase), talk to Him first. A few hours later, I had the opportunity to do just that. I prayed about a difficult situation I was getting emotional about and WOW, it worked. I was able to respond logically and under the Holy Spirit’s control.)

It is one thing to know the right thing to do and say, but another thing to do it. For example, I wrote a helpful post called Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without so I know what I should be thinking, now I need to discipline myself to do this daily. You can never be perfect at something unless you practice all the time. You have my permission to print out my post on “Thoughts that Create Peace Within and Without” to practice training your mind. The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:9:^“What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.“

When events don’t go as planned is stressful, and we sometimes, or often, lose self-control of our feelings and do and say things we shouldn’t. The next time you are tempted to lose control of your emotions, excuse yourself from the situation and answer the following questions to bridle your tongue before your mouth spills hurtful words.

What is the expectation not being met? (Take a deep breath and accept the disappointment and the fact that not everything will go the way you want it to.)

What are the wrong thoughts I need to capture and loose from my mind? (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you. It may not be right away, but He will.)
What is the false belief or offense driving my thoughts, which need to be loosed from my mind? (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you, and the memory that needs to be healed.)
What is the problem that needs to be solved?
What are some solutions?
What are Biblical truths I can bind to my mind to renew it and transform my attitude.
What can I be thankful for?

There is hope for complete transformation of your reactions when you depend on God to show what is in your mind and seek His help to renew your mind through the Holy Scriptures. You can be self-controlled in what you say as your mind is transformed by God’s love.

Helpful posts to read:

POSTS on Thoughts

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).