DISCOVER UNRESOLVED NEGATIVE HEART ISSUES QUIZ

We all have unresolved childhood and negative heart issues because we live in an imperfect world.  We are self-centered, and we live with self-centered people.  So, we don’t know how to love well.  Our negative heart issues are created by our perception of what others have done to hurt us and what we have done to hurt others.

For example, I realized I felt disconnected from my friends and family, so I thought about my childhood and realized that both my father and mother had disconnected emotionally from me and from each other. Their emotional disconnection from me made me feel unloved, so I emotionally disconnect from them to block the pain of feeling unloved. This reaction carried over into all my relationships, including my relationship with God. I went through the steps for resolving negative heart issues, and I now feel more emotionally connected to my husband, family, and friends.  I am now able to mentally process disappointment when my husband does not do what I expect. I am also aware of emotional disconnection issues with other relationships that also need to be resolved.

The following questions will help you discover your unresolved childhood and negative heart issues that have created negative heart issues.

LOVE Issues

1. Do you have uncontrollable angry outbursts when people do things you don’t like (i.e., people don’t drive correctly, or someone does not meet your expectation)?

2. Do you crave acceptance and feel you are a people pleaser and need people’s approval?

3. Do you have feelings of guilt for things you have done and do not like yourself?

4. Are you jealous or envious of someone’s advantage or position in the family or at work?

5.  Do you insist on having things your way or live with someone who insists on having things their way?

6.  Do you have feelings of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, or person?

JOY Issues

7. Are you sad and feel despair most of the time?

8. Do you find yourself often doing things to escape loneliness and discontentment?

9. Do you have low expectations of people; that is, you are despondent and feel no hope?

10.  Do you feel like you have no worth because others have treated you or still do treat you as not having worth?

11.  Do you complain and express dissatisfaction often or have you been the recipient?

12.  Do you feel humiliation and shame?

PEACE Issues

13. Are you often anxious and worried?

14. Are you immobilized by fear that prevents you from being able to reason logically?

15.  Do you feel tense and nervous in certain situations and around certain people?

16.  Do you feel agitated with someone because they offended you by something they did, did not do, said, or did not say?

17. Have you experienced strife?

PATIENCE Issues

18. Do unfair actions upset you?

19.  Are you frustrated or impatient when your expectations are not met or is someone frustrated or impatient with you?

20.  Do you have unrealistic expectations or does someone have unrealistic expectations of you?

21.  Do you find yourself irritated a lot or is someone often irritated with you?

KINDNESS Issues

22. Have you been neglected, abandoned, or rejected or have you done the same to someone?

23.  Have you been hurt by someone who was mean, rude, or rough toward you or have you been mean, rude, or rough to someone?

24.  Have you been vengeful or has someone been vindictive toward you?

GOODNESS Issues

25. Do you tend to judge people and circumstances?

26. Do you feel guilt from the things you have done?

27. Has someone made you feel inadequate and devalued or have you done the same to someone.

28. Do you find yourself being self-centered and do not want to sacrifice for others?

TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues

29. Do you feel disappointed when your desires are not met and feel no one cares?

30. Do you find you need to lie sometimes to protect yourself or to manipulate the desired outcome and what people think?

31.  Have you been a recipient of someone who has lied about you?

32.  Do you feel betrayed, victimized, or deceived or have you done this to someone?

33.  Are you defiant or sometimes resist or challenge authority?

34.  Do you feel you cannot trust others or place your confidence in others?

MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues

35. Do you have chronic health problems and mental distresses?

36. Have you been known to brag and dismiss people because you feel better than them or has this been done to you?

37.  Do you sometimes condemn others by strongly disapproving or has someone done this to you?

38. Do you sometimes feel foolish or contemptible and have no dignity?

39.  Are you rough and impatient at times or has someone been rough and impatient with you?

SELF-CONTROL Issues

40. Are you sensitive when people let you down, and do you want to control people and situations?

41. Do you like your harmful desire(s) and action(s) too much, even though they are destructive?

42. Do you feel disconnected with family and friends?

43.  Are you not willing to work or exert yourself and feel you deserve special treatment, or has someone told this to you?

44.  Do you overreact during stressful circumstances?

45.  Do you try to control and manipulate people and situations or has this been done to you?

If you answered “yes” to even ONE of these questions, then you have unresolved childhood issues in that area.  To begin discovering a new reality for your life start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Love From a Pure Heart

How do you want to be loved?  What keeps you from loving others as you want to be loved?

We should first look at the gold standard for how we should love other people, according to the Bible.  1 Corinthians 13 (ESV) is the love chapter: “4) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. 5) It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6) it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”  Wouldn’t it be great if everyone in the world loved like this?  How about if our family members love us like this?  What prevents us from loving like this?

When we don’t love as described above, it creates hurt and offenses in our heart and wounds in our soul.  An offense is an act of creating resentment, hurt feelings, displeasure, etc.  The painful memories we store come from offenses of not being loved, valued, and accepted.  Children are most vulnerable to the influence of love or the lack-there-of and are easily hurt when these three desires are unmet.  When felt love is with-held, we develop insecurities and control issues.  Insecurity creates unhealthy beliefs, which are lies about life, ourselves, others, and God, that are carried into adulthood.  Because of these painful memories from childhood, we are tempted to get involved in relationships that would continue the pain of not getting these same needs met.  I was one of those people, and my first marriage ended in divorce.

When people’s hearts are empty of love, they try to get their need for love, value, and acceptance through other insecure people with empty hearts.  Unfortunately, many people have hurts and offenses in their hearts so they cannot give the love, value, and acceptance we want and they also want.  This leaves each person feeling rejected, resentful, angry, sad, depressed, hurt, frustrated, betrayed, disconnected, etc., which block our ability to love from a pure heart.  The fact is, only God can perfectly meet our need for love, value, and acceptance.

Since the Bible is the authority on what love is, it is also the authority on God’s love: 1 John 4:8 & 16a says that God is love; and we are made in His image and likeness (see Gen. 1:26); therefore, we are created to love and be loved but because of evil and sin in the world, we become void of genuine love and the ability to love from a pure heart.  In fact, the bible says that God abounds in steadfast love and faithfulnessPsalms 86:15 says, “But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious (compassionate), slow to anger and abounding in steadfast (unfailing, abundant) love and faithfulness (truth).”  God also said this same thing about himself in Ex. 34:6.  The words “steadfast love” is recorded 398 times in the English Standard Version of the Bible, which is closely translated from the original texts.  Additionally, God loves us sacrificially (see 1 John 4:10, 16-21; Rom. 5:8; John 15:13; 1 John 3:16-18; John 3:16).  In return, we are to love God with all our hearts, minds, and souls (see Deut. 6:5; 10:12; 11:13; 13:3; 30:6; Joshua 22:5; Matt. 22.37; Mark 12:30), which we cannot do when our hearts are full of offenses and hate.  Not only are we to love God, but we are to love others (see 1 John 4:7-11,12; Lev. 19:18; Matt. 22:39; Mark 12:32; John 13:34; Rom. 13:9).  In fact, loving others is the fulfillment of the law (see James 2:8; Rom. 13:8,10; Gal. 5:14).

How can we love from a pure heart: 1 Peter 1:22 & 23 says, “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth (found in the Bible) for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 23) since you have been born again (1 Pet. 1:3), not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding Word of God.”  (also see Heb. 4:12, which says, “the Word of God is living and active“)  1Timothy 1:5 says, “The aim of our charge (goal of our instruction; NAS) is love that comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere (genuine) faith.”  2 Timothy 2:22 also says, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”  To learn how to love from a pure heart, please visit my website, hopeforcompletehealing.com where you will find research and examples of how to purify your heart and mind from the many offenses you have stored up over your lifetime.  These methods have been tried and are incredibly successful.

Freedom from Insecurity, which is Protected by Betrayal and Control Strongholds

We all have some measure of insecurity, whether we realize it or not, because we live with and work with sinful, hurting people who hurt others, and we are not exempt. Insecurities are revealed by the negative reactions when they are triggered by what someone says, does, or does not do. For example, if someone found fault with me or with what I did, I would have an anxiety attack, and feel they didn’t like me, and that I will never be good enough. If someone did not give me the praise for doing something, then I would feel rejected and unappreciated, etc. Another example is when I would suggest doing something or going somewhere, and I would be ignored or discounted, then I would get angry and feel sorry for myself because I didn’t feel valued so I withdrew or acted out of anger to get control. Insecurities are also revealed by the negative tapes that are automatically played out when we feel out of control or discounted. The negative tapes could be, “I’ll never be accepted because I am different,” “I’ll never be able to accomplish anything because people don’t support me,” “What is wrong with me?” etc. Have you ever heard yourself say, “I can’t do this because…,” “This is too hard,” I’m not good enough,” “People can’t be trusted,” “I need to do this myself,” etc.

The strongholds of injustice and unfairness contribute to issues of betrayal and wanting to be in control. This is not uncommon with people who have been abused or grew up in dysfunctional families. I struggled with the control stronghold for several years, even though I would continually loose and put it off. I wanted to control what people did and what they thought of me, as well as control circumstances in order to prevent being hurt, disappointed, or even annoyed. I asked God why I kept dealing with this control issue, and He showed me that there was an outer mental stronghold of betrayal that protected my need to be controlling. The betrayal stronghold was built and kept in place by negative memories of betrayal by those who should have protected and loved me. These painful memories of betrayal developed insecurities, which are basically unhealthy beliefs and lies that perpetuates anxiety about what others do, not do, or think and say. For instance, I trusted that my parents, my spouse, and friends would love me and not hurt me, or lie to me, but they did. As a result, I disassociated and disconnected because I felt that I was not able to trust them. Note, some people should not be trusted and that is okay. Dictionary.com defines betray as 2) to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling; be disloyal to.

I believe there is no greater injustice than the betrayal of one’s sexuality because it wounds the soul the deepest. I also believe that the betrayal of sexuality causes the most damage to our self-esteem and self-worth because God created sexuality to be a beautiful act of vulnerability between two married people who love each other. And because our sexuality is an intimate part of us, any childhood sexual interference such as pornography, exposure to sexual acts (even in a movie), fondling, uncomfortable affection, making a child take on the role of a spouse, adult humor, and so on,  damages the very core of a child or teen’s being. This causes a person to feel confusion, shame, and humiliation, which then causes sexual violation secrets to be carefully guarded and deeply buried in the soul. These buried secrets continue to have a profound effect on how a person see’s themselves and others. I have known people who had great difficulty having a healthy marriage because of these secrets. A lot of books have been written about this topic and are a good resource if you have these buried secrets. Talking with a counselor is also very helpful but I want to caution you to be careful what counselor you choose to share your sexual violation secrets with. Not every counselor or pastor understands the damage of sexual betrayal and they may cause more confusion and betrayal.

Total healing and transformation happen only when we come to Jesus with our damaged sexuality and allow Him to restore our purity and respect. This is a supernatural act of healing that is received by faith. In fact, all painful memories of betrayal of all kinds can be healed, which in turn, heal insecurities and the need to be controlling.  This can be done by going through the prayer format to destroy strongholds found on my website: hopeforcompletehealing.com

The above statements are passages from my book called “Unseen Battles for Your Mind,” which is in the editing stage, and therefore, is not to be recopied without my permission.

EVIL—What is it and what is the remedy?

Why do people murder, hurt children, and cause destruction? Some say they have a mental illness. I believe they have a depraved soul, which is controlled by evil intentions.  So, what is evil? According to Webster, the term evil means bad; wicked; depraved (corrupt; perverted), and causing pain or trouble. There isn’t a human being that is not damaged by evil. Evil is all around us, and it is bent on destruction, especially vulnerable children.

What is the origin of evil?  To understand the origin, first know we live in an unseen spirit world, which comprises God, angels, the devil (ruler of demons), and demons (fallen angels). God is the all-powerful, omnipotent, omniscient Spirit (see John 4:24, 2 Cor. 3:17) who is good, loving, just, gracious, merciful, and the creator of all that we see. He called all that He created good (see Genesis 1; Nehemiah 9:6; and Isaiah 40:28).  Though we don’t see God, the evidence of His existence is all around us in beauty and power.

The Bible says the origin of evil began when an angel called Lucifer, later called Satan or the devil, wanted to be worshiped as God. Lucifer tried to set himself above God’s authority (see Isaiah 14:12-14). Because of Lucifer’s pride, God threw him out of heaven and onto the earth along with a third of the angels who followed Lucifer’s prideful endeavor.

Ever since the devil’s defeat, he tries to pervert all that God said is good. In John 10:10 Jesus states, “The thief [Satan] comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Satan is the great enemy of man and goodness. He is called the deceiver (see Rev. 12:9-12), father of lies and a murderer (see John 8:44).  He is the destroyer or Abaddon in Hebrew and Apollyon in Greek, which is translated as “destroyer or to destroy” (see Rev. 9:11). Webster dictionary says the devil is a slanderer; the chief evil spirit, a supernatural being subordinate to, and the foe of God and the tempter of man. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesian church in Ephesians 6:12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood [humans], but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” These evil entities want to harm us and draw us away from the truth of God’s Word.  They also want to destroy love because God is love. The spiritual forces of evil puts wrong thoughts, doubts, and unhealthy beliefs into our minds (see Isaiah 55:6-7), which are lies about ourselves, others, and God.  These wrong thoughts cause us to act in evil ways.  And they tempt us to sin, which then separates us from God; see Isaiah 59:1-3.

So what is sin? Sin is the breaking of a moral principles defined in the Bible, especially through a willful act of disobedience. For example, Deuteronomy 9:18, 1 Kings 16:19, and 1 Samuel 15:23 states that sin is doing evil, and that evil is rebellion toward God.  Also, 2 Chronicles 12:14 states, “And he did evil, for he did not set his heart to seek the LORD.” Therefore, seeking the Lord God and being in right standing with Him is the only way to overcome evil, and the evil done to us.

As humans, we are comprised of a spirit, soul, and body described in 1 Thessalonians 5:23. Also, God created us to be spiritually united with Him and to have a loving relationship with Him.  To have a right relationship with God we need to believe that Jesus Christ, His Son, died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin, so we can be free from sin’s control.  Also believe Jesus wants to forgive our sins, and destroy the work of the devil in our lives (see John 1:29; 1 John 4:15; 1 Peter 1:18-19; Colossians 1:14; & Galatians 5:1). When we confess this with our mouth and believe it with our heart, then God the Holy Spirit and His love, life, light, and goodness enter into our souls (see Gal 4:6 & 1 Cor 6:17). If you have not made this confession, then do it so you can be right with God (see Rom 10:9-13 & Eph. 2:1-10).

When we ask for and receive the Spirit of God into our lives and submit to Him, then we can choose to do good and not evil. Webster says that to be good is to be meek, patient, doing what is right and fitting, helpful, sacrificing, and morally excellent. To be morally excellent is to be virtuous, which is to choose the right actions and thinking and having a good character. Only God can transform a depraved soul bent on evil, into a loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, and self-controlled person. For this to happen, we need to be healed of the wounds and hurt in our souls and hearts from the evil done against us.  I wrote a short book on complete healing, please begin reading 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories to transform the bad memories of the evil done to you and to heal your negative heart issues.  We also need to submit to God daily, that is, yield our lives to His authority and Will. His Will is merciful, good, and perfect. When we submit to God, the devil will flee from us, see James 4:7 & 8.

 

Addiction Strongholds

Do you know that everyone has an addiction?  Do you know what your addiction is?    We may not be aware of our addiction, but we all have them.  I found that I was addicted to the adrenaline of anger and the depressant of sadness.  I explain this in greater detail on my website:  www.hopeforcompletehealing.com. Addiction is a self-protective mechanism that inhibits painful feelings and memories.  My book on my website explains how we can become free from our addictions and the key to breaking those strongholds.  This post is not an exhaustive examination of what addictions are but an inquiry into what addictions we may have and not even realize it.

Most people think an addiction has to do with smoking, drugs, or alcohol and it does.  Webster’s dictionary says that an addiction is a habit or practice, especially a bad habit.  For example, are you in the habit of watching hours of TV every night, playing video games for hours, eating ice cream before going to bed, spending hours on social media, etc. These things are not necessarily bad habits in and of themselves.  But they are bad in the sense that they rob the person of the freedom to not do it.  Try to fast a day or even a week, something you are in the habit of doing.  I feel compelled to watch the news every day, all day if I could.  If I miss a day, I become distracted about what I may be missing?  Do you feel the same or have a similar habit you are compelled to do?

The bad habit or practice may rob the person of quality family time, being productive, good health, strong relationships, etc. For some of us, like myself, I craved approval and if I did not get it I became depressed and angry. Some of us are addicted to worry, in which we can’t help ourselves, we just can’t stop worrying. How about shopping, eating too much, sweets, anger, pornography, sex, tobacco use, etc.? Do you see where you may have an addiction? Is there something you can’t possibly give up or you cannot stop doing? Often a person has more than one addiction.

For example, I had a serious addiction to anger. I could not control it; it controlled me, and I was very embarrassed by it. I was angry about everything, and it was destroying my family.  I had to find a way to break my anger addiction.  Christian people would say that anger and rage are a sin and to repent, and I would agree.   But when an issue controls your behavior then you have a mental stronghold.  To learn more about strongholds read:  STRONGHOLDS PART I—What are they and how do they affect us?

I do want to note that I began my research with my own experience and how I recovered from many negative heart issues that controlled my behavior.   I was healed of many trauma memories from abuse that lead to various addictions. I have shared my experience of freedom with many women that come to my county jail Bible study, and I have seen incredible transformations in their lives.  One of the women had an addiction to lying, which caused her to extort money from people, which then landed her in the state pen. I watched her work through her issues that influenced her addiction to lying.  These women have the hope of being free from their addictions and living a healthy life for the sake of their children and grandchildren.

Furthermore, all addictions have a compulsion element, a pleasure element, and a regret element.  Regret is the element that indicates a person has a destructive addiction. You might say, “I wish I would not do that.” Or, “I want to stop but I can’t help myself.” What are your regretful comments? There is hope.

Begin today to read my short book about how I found freedom from many negative heart issues that lead to my addictions: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories