Relationship – Page 4 – Hope for Complete Healing

What is An Emotionally Healthy Person?

How does a person’s mental health influence their emotional health? I never thought there was a relationship between mental health and emotional health until I began to heal my trauma memories. When my memories and resulting resentments were healed, my emotions changed. There is hope that your future can be different.

What you dwell on creates memories, either good or bad. The stronger the feelings, the stronger the memory connection. For example, think about your favorite vacation. Why was it your favorite vacation? What made that memory so strong? Strong feelings develop beliefs like “I had a great vacation because…”. Or, “I hated that vacation because…”.

For example, I hate going to the Outer Banks because of many traumatic memories from my negative perspective. How we feel is a matter of perspective. My husband loves going to the Outer Banks and didn’t understand why I was traumatized by it. I was anxious about so many things that my perspective was negative, which generated bad behavior. These negative beliefs caused me to stay home alone while my family vacationed at the Outer Banks. Being home alone was better than dealing with the trauma I felt going on that miserable vacation. Have you noticed that each family member has a different memory of the same event? Some family members are more traumatized by an event and have bad memories, which often affects their relationships in some way.

I also realized that my mental health improved when my spiritual health improved because the Bible verses I memorized changed how I processed disappointment from unmet expectations. The scripture that had the biggest effect on my mental and emotional health was 1Theselonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” So, when my expectations were not met, and I got angry, I would think, “What can I rejoice about?” Then, I would pray and give God the situation that made me angry or depressed. Next, I would think about what I can be thankful for in the situation. That discipline took me two years to master. By changing my thinking, I changed my feelings, which changed the beliefs that controlled my behavior. So, my relationships changed, and so did my future.

An emotionally healthy person does not allow a problem or disappointment to define who they are but sees themselves as separate from the problem. They can go to God with the disturbing issue and trust God to help them with it. An emotionally healthy person can self-regulate their emotions and have inner control. The following list is not an exhaustive list of what an emotionally healthy person is. As you read each one, count how many you struggle with.

Can love others without judgment.
Has a healthy self-worth and gives all shame and guilt to God.
Being able to regulate your emotions like sadness and joy.
Can give grace to messy people who frustrate them and are unaffected by their opinions.
Giving to people, not being selfish, and not expecting others to conform to their expectations.
Maintains hope in God despite life’s setbacks.
Take responsibility for their emotions and actions, and do not blame others.
Is not fearful but trusts God.
Identifies wrong beliefs and adopts God’s truth for their beliefs.
Is empathetic toward others.
Is comfortable being alone and being with people.

In the coming weeks, I will address many of these and how to identify the source of the negative feelings and traumatic memories. There is hope for complete healing. God bless you this week. Thank you for joining me today.

Are you Spiritually Healthy?

How Mentally Healthy Are You?

**************

All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

How Mentally Healthy Are You?

What is mental health? Because I am a former mental health basket case, I think I am qualified to tackle this issue and to offer anyone who needs it hope. You know you are mentally healthy when you have peace despite the problems around you. In this world, we will have many troubles. Jesus said in John 16:33, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Tribulations mean troubles, suffering, misery, hardships, and difficult trials. Only when we stay focused on Jesus do we have peace and can endure the hard events and people in our lives.

We live in a sinful world full of people who are evil and self-centered. The trauma and abuse both in and outside our homes cause mental illness issues. I was angry, depressed, anxious, and suicidal. I have come to accept that I have an anxiety disorder from all the trauma I suffered. Just today, I jumped and screamed when someone shot their gun close to my home. I do not live in a violent neighborhood, but it is hunting season, so I hear shooting all the time, but I still jump. I even joined a women’s pistol shooting club to overcome my anxiety about guns, but I still jump and scream.

When I look at various articles about mental health, including my coaching classes with Light University, I learn that there are many perspectives on what a mentally healthy person is. The following list summarizes people’s views of what a mentally healthy person looks like.

Aware of negative thinking but not obsessed with it.
Identifies and accepts disappointment but does not discount it.
Forgive those who offend them.
Is realistically thankful about something even when expectations are not met.
Humbly consider others’ needs and desires.
Understands boundaries and uses them.
See possibilities and positives in hardships and not obsess about unrealistic, worst-case scenarios.
Proactive and not defensive. So, they receive criticism and use it for positive change and do not get defensive or become depressed.
Do not get into futile arguments to prove their right.
Knows they can only control their thoughts and actions and not what others think or do.
They are content but also persevere towards positive goals.
Do not need validation from others to feel good about themselves.
Do not relinquish their power to external influences.
Take sad thoughts to God and rejoice in His help, provision, and wisdom?

This list does not cover every aspect of mental health. If you have mental health issues or want to learn more, please read my free online book to begin your healing process. My online book at hopeforcompletehealing.com helps people identify events that contribute to mental health issues and how to resolve them.

Some people are more resilient at handling difficulties because they focus on the positives and seek solutions. People like me who are melancholy or have fairness issues tend to focus on what they don’t like and how hopeless their situation is. So, your mental orientation will determine how mentally healthy you are. Do you see the positive or the negative? Do you seek solutions or sink into helplessness and self-pity?

If you have an influence over children, teach them mental resiliency, which is how to handle disappointment and be self-controlled. To learn more, read The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control. In the coming weeks, I will write posts about specific mental health issues and how to resolve them. I will also explain how to be spiritually healthy to influence your mental health so you can be mentally resilient.

May God bless you richly, and may His face shine upon you.

**************

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Are you Spiritually Healthy?

Do you know that humans are spirits in a physical body (1Thes. 5:23)? Genesis 1:27 states, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” What does the image of God look like? John 4:24 tells us, “God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” 1Corinthians 6:17 states, “But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.” We are joined to the Lord through faith when we believe that Jesus, God’s Son, died for the sins of the world, was buried, and rose on the third day (John 20:31; 1John 2:2; and 1Cor. 15:3-4).

Once a person receives the gift of salvation leading to eternal life, they must nurture the spiritual new life they received. 2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. What is the evidence in your life that your old self has passed away and you are living a new life?

A spiritually healthy person desires to read and hear God’s word and to grow in the knowledge of God. 1Peter 2:2 tells us, “Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation.” Also, Hebrews 5:13-14 states, “For everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. ¹⁴But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” A spiritually healthy person has discernment and can distinguish good from evil.

There are no right answers to the following questions because that would be legalism. These questions are meant to bring awareness to how well you are supporting and advancing your spiritual health. From Monday to Saturday, what are you doing to nurture your spirit and new life in Christ Jesus? I am assuming you go to a worship service on Sunday or Saturday. But what do you do to support your spiritual health during the week?

How often do you thank God for what Jesus did on the cross for you?
How often do you realize you sinned and humbly ask God to forgive you and those you sinned against? (Sin is anything you do that breaks God’s command to love Him and others; see 10 commandments and 1Cor. 13:4-7.)
How often do you read and meditate on the truths of the Bible?
How often do you pray throughout the day?
How often do you set your mind on the truths of God and rejoice?
How often do you submit to God and obey Him instead of giving into your self-centered desires?
How often do you worship God throughout the day?
How often do you use your gifts to serve others in your church community?
How often do you exercise the power of the Holy Spirit?
How often do you do things by faith and not by sight?
How often are you mindful to live a holy life?
How often do you tell others about Jesus and His gift of salvation?

Conclusion

I understand that our salvation is not about works but all about the grace of God. Grace is a gift given out of love when we don’t deserve it. However, once a person receives the gift of salvation that leads to eternal life through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, they will show evidence that God is at work in them. Philippians 2:12-13 states, “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Remember, a person’s spiritual health correlates to their mental health.

May God bless you richly, and may His face shine upon you.

**************

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles. my post called Breaking Mental Strongholds Book. Also, check out Fighting Unseen Battles on Amazon. To learn more about this book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

What Does a Healthy Person Look Like?

Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. –3John 1:2

According to this verse, the key to good health is when our soul is well. What is a healthy soul? The first step to a healthy soul is to have a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ (Romans 10:9-10 and John 1:12). Second is to be humble and repentant of your sins. Third, is drawing near to God in prayer, reading His word, and worshiping Him? If you haven’t participated in the 365 Days of Worship, you can start this year. If you worshiped with me this past year, please continue to worship each day. Find and bookmark all my worship posts here. Reflect on what God has done for you this past year. How have you grown closer to Him?

I have been pondering and praying about what I should learn and write about. I kept coming back to what an emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically healthy person looks like. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Have you ever wondered what a totally healthy person looks like? When I was in the depths of dysfunction, I longed to know how a healthy person acts.

When you face stressful times, do you react well? Do you overreact? Do you go into escape mode? Stress has a way of exposing how spiritually, mentally, and emotionally healthy you are. I still need improvement, but my emotional health is better than last year.

I am a certified Mental Health Coach and am becoming certified as a Child and Youth Mental Health Coach. Through my courses, I have learned a lot about mental health, but I am also learning how mentally unhealthy I was and how it affected my children. I am experiencing the consequences of my unhealthy reactions. I wish I knew then what I know now. I can’t beat myself up, nor should you, for what you did not know. I suffered a lot of traumas from my childhood, which developed dysfunctional actions as an adult. We are only responsible for changing as we grow in knowledge and with the help of God. It is my prayer as I expose areas of trauma in your life that you grow in God’s grace and give God’s grace to others who suffered childhood trauma.

I have discovered that being spiritually healthy is key to mental health because our hope and help can only be found in a healthy relationship with God. Being mentally healthy is key to emotional health because what you think directly affects your feelings. Emotional health is key to physical health because our feelings create physiological reactions in our bodies that cause cell weaknesses or lead to addictions. Being completely healthy leads to healthy relationships and overall well-being.

I will share what I have learned about each of these areas so you can be the healthiest you have ever been in the coming year. Note that a relationship is only as healthy as the least emotionally healthy person. So the goal of my website and this series of posts is to help you be spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy to have great relationships with people and to enjoy life. Are you enjoying your present life and relationships?

**********

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of relevant promises to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Continual Worship Begins Every Day.

When I read the post below, it encouraged and challenged me to adopt a practice of worshiping God alone every day. I am challenged, and I challenge you to evaluate the things you worship in your life that do not return peace, joy, or righteousness. The Bible says we are to seek after God and His righteousness (Matt. 6:33). And set our minds on the things above where Christ is seated in the heavenly places (Col. 3:1-3).

When we seek God, we will prosper.

2Chronicals 26:5 states, “He [King Uzziah] set himself to seek God in the days of Zechariah, who instructed him in the fear of God, and as long as he sought the LORD, God made him prosper.” Note the condition for prospering—as long as he sought the Lord. Do you want to prosper? Are you willing to seek God and worship Him all day, every day? When we don’t seek God, the Scriptures say we will do evil, which none of us want to do evil and be under God’s wrath. 2Chronicals 12:14 states, “And he [King Rehoboam] did evil, for he did not set his heart to seek the LORD.” Set your heart today to seek God and prosper in all you do.

God does not forsake those who seek Him.

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you. –Psalm 9:10

Do you know Jesus Christ’s (our Lord’s) name? Psalm 91:14 explains, “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name.” When you know the Lord’s name, you will trust Him and hold fast to him in love and worship Him. He will not forsake you, and He will rescue and protect you. He is worthy of our praise and worship.

Please read the below post, and be encouraged to start or continue a new resolution to draw near to God for the rest of your life.

BOWING/KNEELING IN PRAYER:-

How The Church Prepares You to Meet God

How many reasons come to your mind as to why people leave the church? In my last post, I talked about why we need to go to church. If you need to leave the church because of life changes, find a Bible teaching, missions/service-oriented, God worshiping church. Remember, no church is perfect because people are not perfect. So why do people leave the church and never return?

The Number One Reason People Leave the Church Is Being Offended.

Have you been offended by someone or something in the church? What was your natural response when you became offended? Most offended people simply leave the church and lose their faith, which is Satan’s goal for all of us. Like I said in my last post, people are messy, and so is the church. Jesus said in Luke 5:32, “I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

We know that sin separates us from God. And we all know Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” That is true, but that is not the final word. If that is all there is, then we will live defeated lives. Romans 3:24-25 explains the remedy for our messy sin, “And are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, ²⁵whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.” We receive the gift of redemption (which is salvation from sin and God’s wrath) by the grace of God through faith. “And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹not a result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Ephesians 3:8-10).” A work in progress is not perfect, nor is it pretty, so we need to be patient with each other and encourage one another to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).

How Should We React to Offensive People?

We need to see each other as saved sinners who are being made holy as God is Holy. Hebrews 12:14 states, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. ¹⁵See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” When we become offended, we often become depressed or contentious, then bitter. Note that verse 14 says that no one will see the Lord without holiness. Becoming holy is the process of transforming sinful thinking with the truth of God’s Word (Romans 12:2). This is why you need to stay in church, so you can practice being holy and transform your sinful thoughts, not only with your church family but also with your family at home.

Being holy is living an obedient life that strives to please God, knowing we will stand before Him to give an account of our actions. 2Corinthians 5:9-10 states, “So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. ¹⁰For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.”

We won’t live holy lives all the time, because inevitably, we will react from our sinful nature and offend someone from time to time. Being offended by other Christians is nothing new. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Colossian church about what to do when they became offended. Colossians 3:13-15 states, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Peace and thankfulness go a long way. Being forgiving and thankful saved my marriage many times because you can’t be offended when you choose to live in love and peace by forgiving and being thankful. Does the peace of God rule in your heart? If not, you may have a past offense that needs to be forgiven. My book on my website helps you work through the many offenses in our hearts.

Excuses Why People Get Offended and Leave The Church

People do not want to tithe.

Don’t like the worship.

Don’t like the Pastor’s wife.

The pastor or music director had an affair.

Don’t like the changes.

The Pastor is boring (sometimes valid).

The people in the church are hypocrites.

The church doesn’t use King James Version.

The Pastor didn’t come to visit me when I missed one Sunday.

The list can be a lot longer, but you get the idea. Notice that being offended is focusing on the things you do not like and can’t control. I have to confess that I left several churches because the music was too loud, and I felt like I was at a rock concert. To me, that is not worship. Some people are drawn to that kind of worship, don’t know why. I can’t imagine God rocking out (just dated myself).

My point is that there are many different kinds of churches with various worship styles, ministries, and preaching styles. My second husband and I changed churches so our sons could go to a robust youth group with a dynamic youth pastor. We were their youth leaders, and we were failing. I have known families leave the church because of a change in the mission statement. If a family leaves the church, I recommend checking on them to see if they found another church home. Encourage those who leave for whatever reason to persevere in their faith and remind them that they will stand before God. Encourage them in their salvation and the need to nurture a holy life so they will spend eternity with God.

John 3:36 states, “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.”

And, Romans 6:22 “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.“

RELATED POSTS:

Freedom from the Spirit of Jealousy

WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words

How to Dig up the Unforgiving Belief to Grow in Love

#1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected, and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Check out my first book on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Why Go to Church?

Do you or do you know someone who believes a Christian does not need to go to church? Christians have many reasons why they don’t go to church. Over the next several blog posts, I want to explore what the Bible says about the church. In this post, I identify the benefits of being a part of a church. I understand that the church is made of imperfect people who hopefully strive to become more like Christ, so don’t expect to find a perfect church. The pastor won’t be perfect either, so why go to church? Just as people can be messy, so can a church.

Why We Need the Church

I have discovered that many people wrongly believe that they don’t have to go to church to be a Christian. That is true. If you are a prisoner of war in solitary confinement, you will still be a Christian and go to heaven. But God created us to be a community of believers. A community looks out for each other and helps those in need. Titus 3:14 states, “And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful.”

For example, one of our homeschooling mothers with six children was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Her youngest was five years old. Our church family supported her and helped the family by taking turns driving her for treatments, making her family meals, and watching the children during her treatments. The type of cancer could not be treated with chemotherapy, so she was allowed to try alternative therapies that were not paid for by her insurance. The church family helped pay for the treatments. The men of the church cut and split wood for the family to heat their home for the winter. At Christmas time, the church showered her children with gifts.

If you stayed home instead of supporting the local church and helping the members in need, then who would be there for you and help you in your time of need? How will you be encouraged to love and do good deeds if you don’t go to church? Hebrews 10:23-25 states, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²⁵not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” If we neglect attending church, we are disobeying God, and therefore, are in sin. I understand that the elderly and infirmed may not be able to get to church, so hopefully, the members of their church will be visiting them to encourage them in their faith and show love by helping them.

The Church is Necessary to Help Us Persevere in Our Faith

Romans 10:17 states, “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” I know you can do online church or listen to radio preachers, but being in the house of God and corporately worshiping with others encourages your faith in God. When the children of Israel left Egypt, God required them to build a meeting place where the whole congregation could hear from God through Moses. A congregation is an assembly of persons brought together for common religious worship.

Psalm 107:32 states, “Let them extol him in the congregation of the people, and praise him in the assembly of the elders.” Also, Psalm 111:1 states, “Praise the LORD! I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation.” And Hebrews 2:12 states, “I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation, I will sing your praise.” The Bible is clear that we are to meet together to praise God. Psalm 86:9 states, “All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name.” If you don’t want to worship with the believers on earth, then why would you want to worship with them in heaven?

The Corporate Worship Protects You from Deception

Deuteronomy 11:16 states, “Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them.” You risk losing your faith and being deceived when you don’t go to church because you become vulnerable to demonic attacks. We were created to worship God and to believe in Him, so if we stop worshiping God, then we will be drawn to worship idols. You are deceived if you don’t think this can happen to you because it happened to the Israelites time and again throughout the Old Testament, and they suffered greatly.

Have you ever sat around a campfire? If you move a burning log away from a fire, it quickly cools and stops burning. If you noticed that when someone stops going to church, their faith will cool? We will be easy prey for the enemy when we are isolated. 1Peter 5:8-9a states, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹Resist him, firm in your faith.” You can only be firm in your faith when you stay close to other believers with a strong faith. Have you watched an African Nature show? A herd of animals can protect themselves from predators, but if one of the animals gets separated, they are taken down and eaten. We need to stay watchful. The church is there to encourage us to stay under God’s protection.

Conclusion

My heart is very heavy as I write this post because I know many people who were strong in their faith but are no longer walking with God because they left the encouragement and protection of the church. If you don’t like the church you attend or attended, then find another Bible-teaching church. I have changed churches many times, depending on my stage of life. For example, my mother and father grew up Lutheran, so I began my life as a Lutheran. My mother and father came to know Jesus as their savior, so we attended a Brethren Church for a while. Then my mother and father got baptized by the Holy Spirit, and we went to a Pentecostal church for a while. My parents divorced, and we returned to the Lutheran church in my teen years. In college, my friend took me to her Pentecostal church. When I got married, we attended a Christian Missionary Alliance church. When I married my second husband, he wanted to attend the local Wesleyan Church. The point is, find a church that teaches the Bible and don’t expect it to be perfect or to meet your expectations.

How to Convert Pridefulness to Gentleness and Humility

You might think you have the right to be prideful because of your position in life, accomplishments, or status in the community. None of those situations are bad, nor does it mean you have arrogant, self-centered pride. Being proud of your accomplishments is different than thinking you’re better than someone else. I have to admit that I struggle with pride because I slip into thinking more highly of myself than I ought to. Most pride issues come from unhealthy beliefs that need to be uncovered and transformed by truth.

How often have you heard people make excuses for their bad behavior and accept it as part of who they are? So why is self-centered pridefulness a bad thing? The Spirit of pride keeps you from acknowledging your sin, apologizing, and repenting. I have written several posts on this subject. To learn more, please read the posts listed below:

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

#1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

My website is about changing unhealthy beliefs to experience a new reality. What we think and say comes from what we believe, and what we believe directs our behavior. Our choices determine how healthy our relationships will be. In this series of posts, I will expose the unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and how to transform them with the truth to experience a new reality. So why should we deal with pridefulness, and how does it block a gentle and meek attitude?

Where Does the Prideful Belief Come From?

The primary source of sinful pride is the devil. Self-centered, unhealthy beliefs are based on wrong assumptions and perceptions put into our minds by the demonic spirits all around us. Remember, we are spirit beings in a physical body living in a physical world controlled by the spirit world. You can read more about that in my post called: Four Realities of the Spirit World. Also, see the link below by Dr. David Jeremiah. If you are not submitted to God and are not resisting the devil, he will put the thoughts into your mind that you deserve better treatment than that, and so on.

Satan (angel named Lucifer, meaning “morning star”) sinned because of his pride by wanting to set his throne above God’s throne and was thrown down to earth (Isaiah 14:13-15 and Rev. 12:7-9). He causes us to sin through the same prideful attitude. Pride is thinking more highly of yourself than you ought to think (Romans 12:3), which also encourages us to think with sober (sound) judgment, that is, with a humble attitude. You know you have a spirit of pride when you are self-centered and insist on getting what you want at the expense of others. And, you know you are prideful when you become offended and get a bad attitude toward someone for what they said/did not say or did/did not do something you felt was unfair.

How do you know if you are humble?

God’s word defines a humble person as follows:

1. Someone who fears God (Prov. 15:33; 22:4).

2. A person who bears with others and is kind, patient, and forgiving (Eph 4:2 & 32).

3. When we count others as more important than ourselves (Phil. 2:3).

4. If you have wisdom that is pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere (James 3:17; Proverbs 11:2).

5. Someone who has acknowledged they are a sinner and repents (Psalm 149:4).

6. A person with a contrite (repentant) heart who trembles at God’s Word (Isaiah 66:2).

7. A humble person is not judgmental but gives grace (Eph 4:29).

What Is the Truth That Transforms this Unhealthy Belief?

The truth is that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (1Pet 5:5 and James 4:6).” 1Peter 5:6-7 states, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” Give God all the worries that cause you to be anxious, and trust God to take care of all your concerns. When you worry, you exalt yourself above God because you do not trust Him to take care of your affairs. When you humbly give God all your concerns, He promises to exalt you at the proper time.

James 4:7 states, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” When we submit to God, we are humbling ourselves and acknowledging our sin and need for His power and strength. But we are also to resist the devil and his temptations toward selfish ambition and pride. James 3:14-16 states, “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to [deny] the truth. ¹⁵This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. ¹⁶For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile [evil] practice.” First, humbly ask God to show you if this verse applies to your life. Secondly, if you see selfishness, acknowledge that you have an unhealthy pride that leads to selfish ambition and ask for God’s forgiveness. Thirdly, ask God to remove it and to give you a humble spirit.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. Before you can transform unhealthy beliefs, listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts because they come from unhealthy beliefs.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you His transforming truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory contributing to your pridefulness. Satan takes every opportunity to inject pride into our minds.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts, and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths similar to the following:

Humility realizes that everything I have, including my abilities, is a gift from God. Deut. 8:17-18

I do not think of myself more highly than others, but in humility, I will regard others as more important than myself. Rom. 12:3; Phil. 2:3

God lifts up the humble in due time, so I will cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me. 1 Pet. 5:6-7; James 4:10

I am humbled when I see my need for God and trust He will guide me in what is right for all His ways are loving and faithful. Ps. 25:9-10

When I am humble, then I will be honored. Prov.15:33b

HOW TO DESTROY THE DEVIL’S WORK IN YOUR LIFE

Who Is Lucifer in the Bible?

My latest book is Unlocking God’s Promises, which explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

How to Diminish the Distrust Belief to Enlarge Trust

Do you distrust people or just certain people? Do you distrust God? Why? In this post, you will learn why you distrust and then learn how to diminish the distrust belief. Because my first marriage was abusive, I had to learn to trust again. I didn’t even trust myself because I lacked self-control, but more on that in another post. When I began dating my present husband, I wanted to test his sincerity, so I set a boundary of no kissing. I wanted to know if he respected boundaries and respected me. I also did not want to become sexually involved, which kissing usually leads to. We dated for a year and did not kiss one time, and then he asked me to marry him. My response was, “Well, you haven’t given me a reason to say no.” What a way to say “yes.”

What is Trust to Understand the Distrust Belief

Trust is to have confidence in and be able to rely on someone else, especially in God. An honest person does not lie, cheat, or steal. A trustworthy person is someone who is loyal and will be faithful and dependable. A dependable person can be relied on and is predictable. We all want fidelity in our relationships, which is a faithful devotion to duty or one’s obligations or vows. We are more likely to be submissive (yield to the actions, control, power, and so on) when we trust those in authority over us. Also, peace and love thrive in a trusting environment.

As you read the above paragraph about trust, a few painful memories may have been triggered, reinforcing the distrust belief. I have written several posts on this subject that you will find helpful.

Pt. 1: Forsaken ? Betrayed? How to Trust Again.

Pt. 3: Seven Markers of a Trustworthy Person

TRUST Leads to PEACE

Where Does the Distrust Belief Come From?

Children naturally want to trust people. They believe what they are told is the truth until they feel betrayed when their expectations are not met. Unhealthy beliefs develop in childhood when we go through a painful experience. The painful experience could be not getting something we wanted, so we develop the unhealthy belief that we are not loved. As adults, we still resort to the same false belief when our self-centered expectations go unmet. When our expectations are not met, then we develop distrust because we can’t trust the person to do what we expect.

As human beings created in the image of God, we possess the same emotions and expectations as God. We feel love and give love in an emotionally healthy environment that is free from sin. Unfortunately, we were also born with a sinful nature that causes us instinctively to be self-centered individuals. As sinners, we seek to please our fleshly desires. So, a child will love their parents when they feel loved as their needs and wants are met. But, when a child does not get their sinful desire, wants, or expectations met, they lash out in anger or other sinful behaviors. Immature adults do the same because of unhealthy beliefs.

As adults, we expect our friends and spouses to be loyal, faithful, and truthful. We desire to feel secure in our relationships. But when our loved one lies to us, gossips, slanders, is abusive (physically, emotionally, or mentally), or cheats on us, we feel betrayed and develop justifiable mistrust. No one likes to confront a person for sinful behavior that is ruining the relationship. Still, it is necessary to remove the source of emotional pain and forgive for the relationship to heal.

The distrust belief causes us not to trust God. I wrote several posts on this topic as well that will be helpful to read.

Pt. 2: Why You Can a nd Cannot Trust God?

Trust God to Keep His Promises

15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep

HOPE: How it Motivates and Inspires BUT God’s Sovereignty…

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts and feelings.

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth and give you the grace and courage to transform them.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:

It is safe to trust God and do what is good, and He will direct me. Ps. 37:3-5
I can trust God’s faithfulness to be a shield around me as I put my trust in Him, and I will not be afraid. Ps. 91:4; 56:4,11
Trust believes God does good things, and I don’t need to be troubled, for He is my salvation. John 14:1; Isa. 25:9
I can be trusted, and I am faithful with what God has given me. Lk. 16:10
I can trust and believe my life has a purpose, and God has a plan for my life, which gives me hope. Jer. 29:11-14
As I trust in God, He is my refuge, and His unfailing love and favor surround me. Ps. 32:10; 7:1; 5:12
When I trust and believe in Jesus, I will not be disappointed. Rom. 9:33; I Peter 2:6b
I will not put my hope in the uncertainty of riches but in God, who richly supplies me with all things to enjoy. I Tim. 6:17; Phil 4:19
I am blessed when I trust and hope in the Lord, and I make Him my confidence. Jer. 17:7

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

All verses are from the English Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. No part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, salvation for non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a person making the request.

Diminish the “Self-centered” Belief to Expand Goodness (Other-centered)

Being self-centered looks different for each person. According to my experience, a self-centered person is concerned more about themselves and lacks empathy for others. Someone who complains and argues and criticizes is self-centered. Addicts and criminals are classic examples of being self-centered; they have no concern for those they hurt. Even shy and depressed people are self-centered because they are focused on themselves and their shame, guilt, inadequacies, and feeling devalued. I learned that narcissism falls under self-centeredness.

Self-centered people find it difficult to give or share with others, in-other-words, be good to people and value their interests. They are good at controlling and manipulating people to get them to do what they want. For example, when I didn’t get what I thought I needed or wanted, I would become angry and destructive to get what I wanted. As God has been transforming my mind by His Word, and as I submit my will to Him and put off arrogant pride, I have become less self-centered and able to value the needs of others. If everyone were honest, they would acknowledge they struggle with being self-centered and with selfishness. If you want to learn more, read this article: https://drmichaelmcgee.com/self-centeredness/. Dr. McGee is part of the Well Mind Community. Though this article is not Christ-focused, it does give another perspective.

What is Goodness?

Goodness is humbly considering others’ interests and needs, as well as your own. Goodness is the desire to help others and often sacrificially help others, even those you think do not deserve it. Good people do what is right and honorable in all situations and are morally excellent. You can only be truly good when you love others as Christ loves them. Many people think they are good people when they compare themselves with other people who do bad things.

Those who grew up in dysfunctional homes with self-centered, sinful people did not learn goodness by example. If goodness does not come naturally to you, seek God to show you the painful memories of past hurts and humiliations because those memories control your thoughts, beliefs, and behavior. Painful memories develop self-protective beliefs discussed in the last post. Self-centeredness is a form of self-protection because you don’t believe others have your best interest in mind.

The story about the good Samaritan demonstrates goodness (Luke 10:25-34). To learn more about goodness, please read Part 1: How to Achieve Genuine Goodness.

How To Change Unhealthy Beliefs

1. To transform unhealthy beliefs, recognize you have them. Listen to what you are saying and pay attention to your thoughts. Being mindful of your thoughts helps you acknowledge and let go of negative ruminations about the past and anxious thoughts about the future. Meditate instead on how to solve your problems or submit them to God if they are outside your control

2. Submit the wrong thinking to God and ask Him to show you the truth.

3. Ask God to show you if there is a painful memory controlling your thoughts and decisions.

4. Pray and put off the unhealthy belief controlling your thoughts and put on the truth God shows you from His Word.

I first loosed the wrong thinking that God showed me and replaced it with scripture truths like the following:

When I do what is good, I will receive glory, honor, and peace. Rom. 2:10; 13:3b

Because of God’s goodness to and in me, I can be good to those who mistreat or hate me. Luke 6:27; Matt. 5:44; Ps. 25:4-7; 31:19

I can look out for other people’s interests above my own (Phil. 2:14) and please others for their good. Rom. 15:2

I am ready for every good deed, to malign no one, be peaceable, gentle, and show every consideration (true humility) for everyone. Titus 3:1,2

I can give a blessing instead of returning evil for evil and seek to do good to all people. 1 Pet. 3:9; 1 Thes. 5:15

After I received Jesus as my Savior (saved from sin and God’s wrath); He began a good work in me, and He will complete it (Phil. 1:6). I am His workmanship, created for good works. Eph. 2:10; Phil. 2:12b,13

I know I have goodness when my mouth speaks what is good (Matt. 12:34b,35), which is the fruit of the Spirit and Light in me (Gal. 5:22) along with righteousness and truth (Eph. 5:7-10). I am known by my fruit (Matt. 7:20) and engage in good deeds to meet pressing needs. Titus 3:14

I will not lose heart in doing good, knowing I will be rewarded. When I have the opportunity, I will be good to all people, especially to those belonging to the family of God. Gal. 6:9,10; Eh. 6:7,8

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul