PEACE—A Parenting and Marital Goal

What would it be like if our children lived in peace with each other and we had a peaceful marriage?  Let us take a moment to imagine that the people in our lives are serene, tranquil, calm, undisturbed, friendly, kind, and helpful.  How does this make you feel?  Does this make you feel relaxed?  Does this describe how you relate to people?  Consider, with me, three causes that deprive us of peace and how to restore peace.

Peace was the only Mother’s Day gift I would ask from my children, which never happened.  The reason was because I never sowed peace into my children.  Have you ever heard the saying, “you reap what you sow?”  A farmer sows seed into the ground and depending on what the seed is that is, what the farmer will reap.  So, if you don’t have peace in your family and marriage then maybe peace has not been sown.  If there is strife in your life, consider where the source of strife is coming.

The first and main source of strife comes from past offenses stored in our memories and unforgiveness in our hearts.  Because I was an angry person inside from the many painful memories of being abused, I could not live in peace with anyone, though I desperately wanted to.  After God healed my painful memories, offenses, and unhealthy beleifs, I no longer was upset about everything all the time.  I can now live in peace with those around me, including myself.  Had I known about this when I was raising my children, I would have dealt with the strife differently.  I would have located the offenses in their hearts from disappointment, instead of reacting in anger.  To learn more, read the chapters of my book, listed in the right margin.  Also read: The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

The second source of strife comes from daily offenses that we react too.  Just drive in the city, and you will have plenty of reason to be offended.  Being around people offer many opportunities to be offended.  These little offenses steal our peace, and the best solution is to take those thoughts captive by first, recognizing them, acknowledging them, and then taking hold of them.  Next, ask God to remove those thoughts of offense, forgive if necessary, and then ask God to give you patience and love for those around you.  Again, I elaborate more on this in my book on my website.

The third reason we lack peace can also be from the following peace robbers.  In fact, these peace robbers greatly affected my health and your health.  I share my testimony of how I transformed these peace robbers in my book found in my website.

  • Tension: mental or nervous strain
  • Fear of something bad happening:
  • Dread: to fear greatly; be in extreme apprehension
  • Fright: sudden fear or terror
  • Nervousness: emotional tension; agitation
  • Anxiety: distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune
  • Worry: to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret
  • Anger: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath
  • Terror: intense fear

For example, my husband took my two young sons (10 and 12) spelunking in an abandoned cave.  I objected greatly but the boys wanted to go, and my husband was an experienced spelunker.  Needless to say, I experienced all the above peace robbers.  Thankfully, the Lord was watching over my children and husband as there were many dangers.  My husband had fun but my children to this day never want to go spelunking again.

Not only do we need to pray and ask God to remove these peace robbers from us but also the associated unhealthy beliefs.  The following are some examples of unhealthy beliefs that need transforming through prayer and truth:

  • Something bad will happen.
  • The future will be like the past.
  • There is no peace for me.
  • I don’t deserve peace.
  • Why even try to get peace? It is useless to try.
  • I lost any chance for peace when I lost _____.
  • I caused ____ to lose peace.
  • I am afraid I will never have peace.
  • If I have peace, bad things will take it away.
  • If I can just get more ____ I will have peace.
  • My lack of peace is due to my lack of ____.
  • Other people have taken my peace from me.
  • If only others would leave me alone I would have peace.
  • They don’t deserve peace.

The following truths can be used to transform the above unhealthy beliefs and any other unhealthy beliefs that God shows you when you ask.

  • The peace of Christ rules in my heart, and I am thankful. 3:15
  • I pursue peace and do what is good. 12:14; 1 Pet. 3:11
  • I can be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for others. Titus 3:2
  • When I make peace, I will be blessed and be called a child of God. 5:9
  • The peace that comes from God is beyond understanding when I give my troubles to Him and thank Him. 4:6
  • God fills me with all joy and peace as I believe and trust Him, and I will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 15:13
  • I will have great peace and will not stumble when I love God’s Word. 119:165
  • I can be at peace with others. 9:50; Rom. 12:18; Heb. 12:14
  • Peace comes when I trust Jesus, and I will not let my heart be troubled or anxious. John 14:27; John 16:33; Phil. 4:6, 7; 26:3

County Jail Study on Psalms 103

King David wrote this Psalm later in his life and we know this because he wrote this Psalm from a deep understanding of God’s grace and mercy. He understood all the benefits of being in a right relationship with God and he was thankful. What is more amazing is the fact that we have a greater understanding of Psalms 103 and it has more meaning to us because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross for us. Since I spent most of last week preparing this bible study on Psalms 103 for the county jail, I thought I would post it. This is a lengthy study that will span about four weeks. For example, last Friday, I only covered the first five verses because there was a great discussion. Enjoy.

Bless the Lord, O My Soul

Psalms 103 (ESV)

1) Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!

Bless, in this context, means an act of adoration, praise, giving thanks.
Our
soul is said to contain our morality and conscience and is responsible for the functions of thinking and willing, which determines all behavior. Webster’s dictionary says the soul is the residence of our mind, emotions, and will. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 which states, “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify [set apart and purify] you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Also, Jesus tells us in Mark 12:30 that we are to love the Lord God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

2) Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,

?? How do we remember something?

?? What are benefits? (A kindly, charitable act; favor; advantage; reward; something good; etc.)

3) who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases (sicknesses),

Iniquity means lack of righteousness; that is, not doing what is right or being just (equitable and impartial); doing wickedness (evil moral character; evil; depraved)

It is a benefit to have all our sins forgiven and to be healed of our sicknesses. When John the Baptist saw Jesus, he said in John 1:29Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!

?? What does “all” mean? Do you believe this?

If you don’t believe verse three, choose to believe and ask God to show your unhealthy beliefs about His promises. When He shows you, ask Him to lose and remove those specific unhealthy beliefs. If you have been praying for healing and you have not been healed, then keep trusting that God is all-powerful and can heal. Trust that He has a purpose for your sickness and one day, you will be healed.

?? Is there someone you need to forgive who did you wrong?

Unforgiveness often does not hurt the person we refuse to forgive, but it always hurts us, which is why it blocks healing. Forgiveness is essential for healing because it releases us from the power of a wrongful action or offense. Forgiving someone does not excuse their wrong actions but sets us free to heal and move on. We find a condition for forgiveness in Matthew 6:14-15, which states in the NIV, “For if you forgive (others) when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15) But if you do not forgive (others), your Father will not forgive your sins.” Also see Matthew18:23-35.

?? Have you forgiven yourself for hurting others? Ask God to take all that guilt from you.

4) who redeems your life from the pit (grave—Strong’s definition; destruction; NKJ), who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

Redemption or redeem means to get back; recover, as by paying a fee. It is our deliverance from sin and the consequences of sin. 1 Peter 1:18-19 tells us that we were “redeemed [ransomed and bought back] from the futile ways inherited from our forefathers, …with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.Ephesians 1:7-9 states, “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sins, according to the riches of His grace, 8) which He lavished on us.”

?? What image comes to your mind when you read this verse?

?? Do you see yourself in the pit of sin or sitting in heaven, forgiven and crowned with love and mercy?

If you see yourself in the pit of sin and despair then do the following: Choose to believe with your heart and confess that Jesus Christ is God the Son, who died to pay the debt for sin; forgives your sins and frees you from sins control (See Jn 1:29; 1 Jn 4:15; 1 Pet 1:18-19; Col 1:14; & Gal 5:1). When you confess this with your mouth and believe it with our heart, then God the Holy Spirit and His love, life, and light enter into your heart (See Gal. 4:6 & 1 Cor. 6:17).

5) who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Strong’s definition of good in this context is favor, benefits; advantage. There are other ways to translate the beginning of this verse, for example, the New American Standard states: “Who satisfies your years with good things,…” The New International Version states: “who satisfies your desires with good things,…” The New King James Version states: “who satisfies your mouth with good things…” Furthermore, I read that an eagle continually sheds its feathers and regrow new ones. Therefore, an old eagle will look the same as a young eagle.

?? How do you see this verse working in your life? (See Col. 3:8-10 and Eph. 4:22-24)

6) The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.

Righteousness, in this context, is the act of doing what is right.

Justice or judgment, in this context, it is a reward or penalty as deserved.

Oppressed is someone who has been defrauded, violated, deceived, or wronged in some way.

Isaiah 30:18 states, “Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait (long; NAS) for Him.”

?? How would you describe righteousness and justice in your own words?

?? What happens when we wait on the Lord, that is, when we long for Him?

7) He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel.

Short List from the book of Exodus of God’s ways and acts:

  • Moses’s staff becomes a serpent then back to a staff again.

  • Brought 10 plaques on Egypt but not where the Israelites were staying because Pharaoh would not let them leave Egypt: All water sources became blood; frogs everywhere; all the dust became gnats; swarms of flies; plague kills all Egyptian livestock; boils on all the Egyptian people and animals; hail destroys everything; locusts ate everything in sight; pitch black darkness throughout Egypt, but not where the Israelites lived in Goshen; the death of the firstborn except for the Israelite’s homes with the blood of a perfect, spotless lamb on the doorposts (called Passover).

  • The Red Sea parted, and over one million Israelites walked to the other side on dry ground.

  • They were fed with food from heaven, called manna.

  • Water comes out of rocks at Moses’s command.

  • Their shoes did not wear out for 40 years.

?? How does knowing this, give you confidence that nothing is impossible with God?

8) The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

Mercy is not getting what we deserve for our sin.

Grace is getting what we don’t deserve because of our sin (i.e., forgiveness, eternal life, blessings, etc.)

Psalms 86:15 states, “But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” Also, Psalms 116:5 states, “Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; our God is merciful.” Lamentations 3:21-25 states, “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 22) The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; 23) they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 24) “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him.” 25) The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.”

?? Why do we have hope because of knowing God is merciful, gracious, and faithful

?? How can we be merciful and gracious to others around us?

?? What should we do when we are quick to get angry and not to be loving?

First, we need to take the angry thought captive (recognize it, acknowledge it, and grab hold of it) then lose and remove it from your mind before it comes out of your mouth. Secondly, forgive the offense quickly. And, thirdly, understand the person who offended you is a sinner and needs God’s love, therefore, bind to your heart God’s mercy and love for that person. James 1:19-20 states, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

9) He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.

Chide means to rebuke or contend with; to be displeased with your sin. Yes, God is angry when we sin because He is holy. He also knows that sin is destructive in our lives and the lives of others. God wants us to be merciful and loving instead.

10) He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.

So too, the Bible explains how we also are not to deal with others according to their sin. In 1 Peter 3:9, it states, “9) Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling (insult for insult; NAS & NIV) but on the contrary, bless [to speak well of or ask divine favor for; hence, to wish well to], for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing [divine favor] (for you were called for this very purpose that you might inherit a blessing; NAS).”

Luke 6:27-28 Jesus states, “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies (those hostile to you; LITV), do good to those who hate you, 28) bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse (mistreat; NAS, insult; LITV) you.”

When you are tempted to repay evil for evil, take the thought of returning the same treatment captive (recognize it, acknowledge it, and grab hold of it) then loose and remove it from your mind before it comes out of your mouth. Next, bind-in the love of God for them and respond with mercy and kindness. Ephesians 4:31-32 states, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” We can only accomplish this as we lean on God and ask Him to remove the things listed in verse 31 and put into our hearts the attributes listed in verse 32.

!! Turn to the prayer on the page about healing issues in your life and demonstrate this.

11) For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

?? When you think of the fear of God, what does it mean to you?

The fear of the Lord is to have deep respect, love, and awe which we demonstrate in our obedience to God’s Word (Deuteronomy 6:2, 10:12; 1 Samuel 12:14). The following verses describe how we are to fear God:

Psalms 22:23 states ”You who fear the Lord, praise Him! …glorify Him, and stand in awe of Him, …” 1 Samuel 12:24 states, “Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things He has done for you.” Proverbs 3:7-8 states, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. 8) It will be healing to your flesh (body; NAS) and refreshment to your bones.” Proverbs 28:14 states, “Blessed is the one who fears the LORD always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity (the pit).” Psalms 115:11 also states; “You who fear the LORD, trust in the LORD! He is their help and their shield.” Psalms 34:9 states, “Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear Him have no lack!

12) as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

?? How would you explain this verse to one of your friends?

13) As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.

14) For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

15) As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16) for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.

?? Explain what these verses mean to you?

17) But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children,

18) to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.

?? What are these verses saying to you?

19) The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.

20) Bless the LORD, O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word!

Hebrews 1:13-14 states, “And to which of the angels has he ever said, “Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet”? 14) Are they not all ministering spirits sent out to serve for the sake of those who are to inherit salvation?”

?? Who are those who are to inherit salvation?

?? What images do you get from this verse?

A few other verses of how angels minister:

Ex.23:20 “Behold, I am going to send an angel before you to guard you along the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared.”

1 Chron. 21:1-17 vs.15) “And God sent an angel to Jerusalem to destroy it; but as he was about to destroy it, the Lord saw and was sorry over the calamity, and said to the destroying angel, “It is enough; now relax your hand.” … vs. 16) Then David lifted up his eyes and saw the angel of the Lord standing between earth and heaven, with his drawn sword in his hand stretched out over Jerusalem… vs. 27) The Lord commanded the angel, and he put his sword back in its sheath.

2 Chron. 32:20,21 “But King Hezekiah and Isaiah the prophet, the son of Amoz, prayed about this and cried out to heaven. 21) And the Lord sent an angel who destroyed every mighty warrior, commander, and officer in the camp of the king of Assyria.”

Ps. 34:7 “The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.”

Ps. 91:11“For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;”

Daniel 6:22 “My God sent His angel, and He shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in His sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you O king.”

Matt. 2:13 “…behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, “Get up! Take the Child and His mother and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you; for Herod is going to search for the Child to destroy Him.”

Matt. 2:19 “After Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, ‘Get up, take the Child and His mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who were trying to take the Child’s life are dead.'”

Matt. 28:5 “The angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid; for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified…’”

Matt. 4:49 “So it will be at the end of the age; the angels will come forth and take out the wicked from among the righteous, 50) and will throw them into the furnace of fire;…”

2 Kings 19:1-8 (Elijah flees into the desert because he is afraid of Jezebel’s threat against him and becomes very depressed.) vs. 5) “Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” vs. 7) The angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, ‘Arise, eat, because the journey is too great for you.’”

Zech. 3:1 “Then he [the angel] showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him.”

Matt. 4:11 “Then the devil left Him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him.”

Mark 1:13 “And He was in the wilderness forty days being tempted by Satan; and He was with the wild beasts, and the angels were ministering to Him.”

Matt. 18:10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.”

Matt. 28:2 “And behold, a severe earthquake had occurred, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled away the stone and sat upon it.”

Acts 5:19 “But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the gates of the prison, taking them out he said,…”

Acts 12:5-17 “And behold, an angel of the Lord suddenly appeared and a light shone in the cell; and he struck Peter’s side and woke him up, saying, “Get up quickly.” And his chains fell off his hands. “

21) Bless the LORD, all his hosts, his ministers, who do his will!

22) Bless the LORD, all his works, in all places of his dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Minimize Memory Clutter

Do you know any minimalist? My husband and I read a book on being a minimalist. The author said that a minimalist sells, throws away, or gives away possessions they do not use or does not have sentimental value. Minimalists say that decreasing ones possessions will reduce stress and free up time. My husband wants to be an extreme minimalist and reduce our possessions to the smallest amount possible. I think he wants to get rid of my things that he thinks is unnecessary. I told him to start with his things, such as the crow decoys in the shed and hunting blinds in the basement that he never uses. Do you have an attic, basement, garage, spare room, or shed full of stuff you know longer use or need? For more information, watch the YouTube videos on being a minimalist.

So, can our memories be mental clutter that keep us from being productive and stress free? I learned from Dr. Caroline Leaf that most of our memories are in our subconscious mind and we are not even aware of how much they are controlling our thinking.  It is my experience that my subconscious painful memories dominated my life and caused tremendous stress. The reason was because my memories controlled my thoughts, which often led to emotional stress and dysfunctional reactions.  To learn more read: HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

So why should we minimize painful memories? First, you will think more clearly, that is, your memories will not control your thoughts. Secondly, you will be free to choose loving and kind responses during stressful situations instead of following programmed memory behavior scripts.

When to minimize memory clutter.  Do you think about the painful things done or said to you? Do you feel angry, impatient, irritated, or frustrated? Do you complain? If you answered yes to any one of these questions, then you need to clean out the unloving and unkind memories that do not help you be a loving and kind person.

So how do you minimize memories? Romans 12:2 states, … but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.  The last blog I posted was on this topic of inner self transformation and renewing your mind. So, I will not repeat what I wrote and would encourage you to read that post to learn more. WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story  Also, 2 Corinthians 4:16 states, So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

We minimize our memory clutter the same way we minimize our physical clutter; one item at a time. The only exception is we need God to search our minds and to bring those memories to be eliminated out of our subconscious. I explain how to do this on the pages listed on my website.  1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Reducing memory clutter of all the negative, painful, and disappointing experiences in my life freed me to enjoy my life, love others, and to be thankful.

 

WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story

When you view yourself in the mirror what do you see; a beautiful butterfly or an ugly caterpillar?

Before my life transformation, I looked in the mirror and saw a lonely, hurting, and unlovable child in an adult body.  I desired to be a person who would know, feel, and show love.  I wanted to be joyful and not sad and disconnected.  I wanted to feel peace instead of anxiety and anger.  Because of the many offenses in my heart from my abusive and dysfunctional past, I developed unhealthy beliefs and unloving thoughts that controlled my emotions.  But, before I continue with my story, I want to explain what the terms abusive and dysfunctional mean.  And what are offenses?  The following definitions are from the Webster dictionary.

Dysfunctional is to be abnormal and/or emotionally impaired.  A dysfunctional person is not emotionally stable, secure, or peaceful. They are usually full of unreasonable anger and anxiety.  Also, a dysfunctional person is someone who can be impaired by alcohol, drugs, mental illness, addiction, etc.

Abuse is the mistreatment of others that causes physical, emotional, and mental harm.  Abuse also includes using insulting, coarse, or bad language about or to someone.

Offenses are resentments, hurt feelings, and displeasure from the pain of unfairness, mistreatment, disrespect, betrayal, unacceptance, and being ignored.

My Story

My transformation began at eight years old when I heard the good news about Jesus Christ, and I believed.  After asking Him to come into my heart, I felt His life come into me, and I felt hope for the first time.  I continued to live in a dysfunctional and abusive home where painful memories and the related emotional stress continued to build up.  Because I didn’t feel safe, I became anxious.  In addition, I was lonely and discontent, which led to different escaping behaviors.  And, I became angry from the mistreatment.  Though both my parents professed to be “Christians,” they continued to sin because of offenses in their hearts from the repressed painful memories of their dysfunctional pasts.

My first marriage was to a hurting “Christian” man, who would be abusive because of the offenses in his heart.  As a result, I became depressed, even more insecure, angry, and controlling.  I realized I needed to change for the sake of my children, students, and friendships.   So, I went to several psychologists; read many self-help books; and attended several bible-study groups, but did not experience any change in my life.  These activities only exposed the depravity of my heart.  And since my repressed painful memories weren’t transformed, I continued to act out of my wounded heart. I ended up having to separate from and then divorce my first husband.  Because I trusted in God, I saw many miracles as He helped me go through the divorce and custody battle.  This story is in the post called: Trust God to Keep His Promises.

Because we live in a sinful world with self-centered people, not one of us can escape from having painful memories and negative heart issues.  Therefore, we all need inner life transformation.  Unresolved negative issues affect all our relationships and even our destiny.  You can expose them by paying attention to what you think, say, and do.

I encourage you to keep a journal of your thoughts, words, and reactions for several months.  In a separate journal record as much as you know about your family as far back as you can remember.  Ask your parents and grandparents to tell you what they know.  Write about relationship dynamics and any dysfunctional patterns.  Record any major events that shaped their lives and yours, such as a death, divorce, addiction, mental illness, disability, or a major change that was upsetting.  Every detail will give you a clue about how your family dynamics were shaped and any dysfunctions that were passed down.  By journaling, you will better understand your parents, and their unresolved negative issues that may be affecting them, which is also affecting you.

Next, write as much as you can remember about your life, even the beginning of your life, which your mother could tell you.  Record the relationship dynamics between you and your parents, siblings, and extended family.  Some memories will be painful, and they need to be healed for you to be healed, which is the purpose of exposing them.  Like cancer treatments or heart surgery, they are painful but necessary for healing and experiencing life. Reading my short book on my website will help you heal these memories.  To learn more about memories, read HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR.

Working through unresolved negative issues takes time, but it is well worth the time. I have been working on my negative heart issues for the past 20+ years, and I have seen incredible results in my life, marriage, family, and workplace relationships.  As I am mindful of what I say and how I react, I can correct my behavior, so I can love from a pure heart.  I am constantly referring to the “issues” worksheet pages on my website to resolve the negative issues from my past, that are creating negative issues in the present.  I am also quicker to recognize when I become offended from other people’s negative issues, so I can forgive and remove the offense out of my heart.  To learn more about how our words have power read: WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words and WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words produce death or life energy.

I was the perfect person to test what worked and did not work for transforming a hurting heart into a loving heart.  With each negative issue, I asked God to show me why I reacted with unloving behavior, and how I could change.  God showed me how to heal the hurts and offenses in my heart with truth while using specific prayer requests as outlined next.  This process is described in detail in my website called hopeforcompletehealing.com.

For each negative issue, I asked God to:

  1. Uncover repressed painful memories that caused the offense. Then I asked Him to heal the image and to help me forgive those involved.  If you struggle with forgiving, please read WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE.
  2. Identify and eliminate the unhealthy beliefs created by the painful memory that causes wrong thinking and then replace them with the truth.  For more details read UNHEALTHY BELIEFS PART 1: What are they and where do they come from?
  3. Identify and eliminate strongholds that protect the painful memories and unhealthy beliefs from being healed.  To understand what strongholds are read STRONGHOLDS PART I—What are they and how do they affect us?
  4. Identify and eliminate generational curses and sins that prevent the transformation of dysfunctional patterns.
  5. Eliminate the oppressive spirits (negative energy) associated with the painful memories and beliefs which perpetuate the offenses and attract more offense and pain.

Now, I look in the mirror and see a happy, emotionally healthy, and content woman; not a hurting, lonely, and unlovable little girl.  When you view yourself in the mirror what do you want to see?

Ultimately, the Bible is the most important book to read for complete healing and transformation of our minds, hearts, and health.  2 Corinthians 4:16 states, “Do not lose heart, though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”  Ephesians 4:23 and Colossians 3:10 tells us to renew our minds to reflect the image of God, which can only happen when we read the Bible.

Furthermore, for our prayers to be effective, we need to have a right relationship with God, because it is God who ultimately heals and transforms us.  If you have issues with God, I would ask that you believe the fact that He wants to heal your hurts and give you a new life. This begins with spiritual healing by believing and confessing that Jesus Christ is God the Son, who died on the cross to pay the debt for sin and who forgives our sins and frees us from sins control (See Jn 1:29; 1 Jn 4:15; 1 Pet 1:18-19; Col 1:14; & Gal 5:1). When we confess this with our mouth and believe it with our heart, then God the Holy Spirit enters our hearts and fills us with the love, life, and light of Jesus (See Gal 4:6 & 1 Cor 6:17). If you have not made this confession, then do it now to begin the transformational healing process (See Rom 10:9-13 & Eph 2:1-10). Moreover, we are transformed by the love of God the Father as we stay close to Him and trust Him to transform our lives according to His truth. See John 17:17.

Our sin, and especially the sin of pride, also blocks our prayers from reaching God.  Psalms 66:18 states,If I have cherished sin in my heart, the Lord will not hear.Isaiah 59:2 states, But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden His face from you, so that he will not hear.To know if you have sin, ask God to search your heart and mind.  Jeremiah 17:9-10 states, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?  10) ‘I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.’” (Also see Revelations 2:23.)  But we can become free from sin by confessing it to God. 1 John 1:9 tells us If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Related Posts:

Becoming self-controlled: Self-control and Maturity and The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-controland How to be Self-controlled in What We Say

Becoming free from anxiety disorder: Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Becoming free from negative feelings: The Core Negative Heart Issue

 

12 JOY Stealers

I suffered from all 12 joy stealers. In fact, I was so miserable that my husband often threatened to call me “ce” instead of Joyce (true story).  I wrote in my last two posts about suffering well.  For many of us, we do not suffer well and we relive painful memories, thus, perpetuating the pain that robs us of joy in our present life.  The links to my last two posts: 7 Ways to Suffer Well: (Part 1) and Joseph, an Example of Suffering Well and God’s Response: Part 2 of Suffering Well

12 JOY STEALERS

Sadness: sorrow about the loss of love, honor, respect, innocence, and not being accepted. It is a feeling of dejection, which is a low spirit of depression and discouragement.

Depression: brooding on one’s problems

Apathy: absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement (I don’t care attitude)

Despair: loss of hope

Discouragement: having no courage, confidence, or hope

Grief: keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss

Hopelessness: having no expectation of a favorable outcome

Despondency: being in very low spirits due to a loss of hope and a sense of futility about continuing one’s efforts

Misery: a condition of great suffering because of pain, poverty, etc.; distress

Feeling Inferior: below average; low status, rank, etc.

Feeling Worthless: without worth; of no use, importance, or value

Complaining attitude: to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault

I spoke with an elderly man who spent his whole life reliving his past hurts. Have you ever been around people who have to tell you how bad they had it and the terrible things that happened in their life? How does that make you feel? Do you relive your past hurts and disappointments? I too suffered a lot of hurts, disappointments, abuses, rejections, betrayals, etc., which was why I had no joy and was always angry. I didn’t like living with myself and I made everyone else miserable. My website, hopeforcompeletehealing.com, contains my story and how I discovered the secret to overcoming these 12 joy stealers, plus so much more.

I asked the elderly man what the purpose was for telling us these terrible things. He said he can’t get them out of his head.  I told him the first step was to forgive each person who caused him pain, and then to ask God to take that memory out of his head.  I overcame my painful memories by doing this. In fact, just today, I was complaining again. By the way, complaining is a symptom of a painful memory. So, I asked God to show me why I was complaining.  I waited until God brought the memories to my mind of how my father often let me down.  Next, I forgave my father and asked God to lose (untie and remove) the negative effect of each memory from my mind related to the unmet expectations and the resulting disappointment. This process is explained in detail on my website. I invite you to visit my site to learn more. https://hopeforcompletehealing.com

This man, and many people, are only focused on what they don’t like and the bad things that happened, and they remain stuck in misery.  Do you see yourself stuck in the pit of depression and misery?  Maybe you feel sad, humiliated, or shame, which is stealing your joy.  See the following page to transform these negative heart issues with transformation truth: JOY Issues

You may also be interested in reading my story of Freedom from Humiliation and Mental Strongholds of Shame and Sadness

Freedom from Insecurity, which is Protected by Betrayal and Control Strongholds

We all have some measure of insecurity, whether we realize it or not, because we live with and work with sinful, hurting people who hurt others, and we are not exempt. Insecurities are revealed by the negative reactions when they are triggered by what someone says, does, or does not do. For example, if someone found fault with me or with what I did, I would have an anxiety attack, and feel they didn’t like me, and that I will never be good enough. If someone did not give me the praise for doing something, then I would feel rejected and unappreciated, etc. Another example is when I would suggest doing something or going somewhere, and I would be ignored or discounted, then I would get angry and feel sorry for myself because I didn’t feel valued so I withdrew or acted out of anger to get control. Insecurities are also revealed by the negative tapes that are automatically played out when we feel out of control or discounted. The negative tapes could be, “I’ll never be accepted because I am different,” “I’ll never be able to accomplish anything because people don’t support me,” “What is wrong with me?” etc. Have you ever heard yourself say, “I can’t do this because…,” “This is too hard,” I’m not good enough,” “People can’t be trusted,” “I need to do this myself,” etc.

The strongholds of injustice and unfairness contribute to issues of betrayal and wanting to be in control. This is not uncommon with people who have been abused or grew up in dysfunctional families. I struggled with the control stronghold for several years, even though I would continually loose and put it off. I wanted to control what people did and what they thought of me, as well as control circumstances in order to prevent being hurt, disappointed, or even annoyed. I asked God why I kept dealing with this control issue, and He showed me that there was an outer mental stronghold of betrayal that protected my need to be controlling. The betrayal stronghold was built and kept in place by negative memories of betrayal by those who should have protected and loved me. These painful memories of betrayal developed insecurities, which are basically unhealthy beliefs and lies that perpetuates anxiety about what others do, not do, or think and say. For instance, I trusted that my parents, my spouse, and friends would love me and not hurt me, or lie to me, but they did. As a result, I disassociated and disconnected because I felt that I was not able to trust them. Note, some people should not be trusted and that is okay. Dictionary.com defines betray as 2) to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling; be disloyal to.

I believe there is no greater injustice than the betrayal of one’s sexuality because it wounds the soul the deepest. I also believe that the betrayal of sexuality causes the most damage to our self-esteem and self-worth because God created sexuality to be a beautiful act of vulnerability between two married people who love each other. And because our sexuality is an intimate part of us, any childhood sexual interference such as pornography, exposure to sexual acts (even in a movie), fondling, uncomfortable affection, making a child take on the role of a spouse, adult humor, and so on,  damages the very core of a child or teen’s being. This causes a person to feel confusion, shame, and humiliation, which then causes sexual violation secrets to be carefully guarded and deeply buried in the soul. These buried secrets continue to have a profound effect on how a person see’s themselves and others. I have known people who had great difficulty having a healthy marriage because of these secrets. A lot of books have been written about this topic and are a good resource if you have these buried secrets. Talking with a counselor is also very helpful but I want to caution you to be careful what counselor you choose to share your sexual violation secrets with. Not every counselor or pastor understands the damage of sexual betrayal and they may cause more confusion and betrayal.

Total healing and transformation happen only when we come to Jesus with our damaged sexuality and allow Him to restore our purity and respect. This is a supernatural act of healing that is received by faith. In fact, all painful memories of betrayal of all kinds can be healed, which in turn, heal insecurities and the need to be controlling.  This can be done by going through the prayer format to destroy strongholds found on my website: hopeforcompletehealing.com

The above statements are passages from my book called “Unseen Battles for Your Mind,” which is in the editing stage, and therefore, is not to be recopied without my permission.

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

The pride and judgmental strongholds in my life protected many issues of anger generated from the humiliation, shame, injustices, betrayals, disappointments, and rejections throughout my life.  If you are unfamiliar with what mental strongholds are and my castle illustration, please read the following post first; STRONGHOLDS PART I—What are they and how do they affect us?

The reason why we need to deal with this stronghold combination is to love as God loves. To love well, we need to eliminate the sins of anger, bitterness, resentment, hatred, judging, and pride.  These sins prevent God’s love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness (humility), faithfulness (trust), and self-control from flowing out of us to others.

People with this stronghold combination typically were either bullied or come from dysfunctional or abusive families/marriages.  I experienced all the above.  I found that broken trust is the main force that generates pride and being judgmental.  Broken trust comes from betrayal by those who you expected would love and protect you.  My pride issues were created by damaged self-worth and low self-esteem and are often revealed by over-sensitivity and over-reaction.   You can learn how to heal betrayal issues and repair your damaged self-worth by reading my short book on my website.

For example, I was hurt and offended when my younger sister demeaned me and put me down continually as we were growing up. I stored that hurt and offense in my heart, and every time I was demeaned or felt demeaned as an adult, I would become angry. When I asked God to show me why I was getting so angry, He showed me how my younger sister had offended me. I then forgave my sister, because I know she demeaned me because she was hurting too. I then confessed any sin on my part to God, which is very important for overcoming anger issues.  Our sin needs forgiving because it has negative, oppressive, stress energy and will re-establish the offenses.  For instance, I confessed and asked for forgiveness of the sin of wanting to harm my sister and for demeaning and disgracing her in return.

The pride stronghold wall protects unhealthy beliefs such as—I am better than you. Don’t tell me I am wrong. Don’t tell me what to do but do what I want.  The pride wall protects the inner judgmental wall that protects unhealthy beliefs of—I have the right to determine if you are right, wrong, or insincere. I have the right to be angry, bitter, resentful, and hateful. I don’t trust you or value you. The judgmental stronghold wall then protects the anger seat of authority, which holds all our memories of hurts, disappointments, unmet needs and desires, offenses, soul wounds, bitterness, resentments, and hatred.  These memories produce unhealthy beliefs, which control our thoughts, and our thoughts dictate what we say and do.

Another reason why we need to deal with this stronghold is because God hates pride (Prov. 8:13; James 4:6), and anger does not achieve the righteousness of God, only peace and humility does (James 1:20; 3:18), which is why I wanted to be free.  We are also instructed to not be judgmental (Matthew 7:1).  I hope and pray that if you have this same issue that you too will find freedom, so you can love from a pure heart.  To learn how to be free from anger and this stronghold combination, please visit my website, you will be glad you did.  https://hopeforcompletehealing.com/

Anger issues are also entwined in the Impatience stronghold combination;  read the following post: Freedom from Impatience and Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness

To begin reading my book, start here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Related Posts:

Why, What, and How to Submit to God

Free from Anger–County Jail Testimony and Teaching

The Core Negative Heart Issue

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

Bondage to Unseen Controls

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS