Memories – Page 2 – Hope for Complete Healing

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

A child has no filter when they speak. A child will speak whatever is on their mind. As adults, we think it is cute. When an adult has no filter, it is not cute, just offensive. Self-control begins in your mind. Your mind determines what you think, perceive, feel, and believe, which influences your decisions and behaviors. Your mind stores memories of the past and present that controls your thoughts and feelings. So, to be self-controlled we must transform our minds.

My last two posts explain how and why childhood issues need to be transformed so we can be self-controlled. The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control and Self-control and Maturity.

Do you know what is in your mind? What you think? How you feel?

To transform your mind, you first must become aware of what is in your mind. Since God is the all-knowing Spirit who created us, ask Him to show you, because He knows all your thoughts and ways. Psalm 139:1-4 state, “O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2) You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3) You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4) Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.” Jeremiah 17:9,10 state, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10) ‘I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.’” Also read Revelations 2:23. If you do not want to be rewarded according to your evil thoughts, then you need to ask God to reveal them, so you can repent and put them out of your mind. Remember, we reap a lot more than we sow (see Galatians 6:7,8). Psalm 139:23,24 state, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!”

How do we transform our minds?

The bible says a lot about how we are to think and be self-controlled in all areas of our life. In fact, Romans 12:2 tells us “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Transforming your mind happens as you look to Jesus for help as you read the Scriptures. Transform means to take another form and renew means to make new. The phrase, “that by testing you may discern” is also translated in the King James Version as “that you may prove.” The meaning of these two phrases is commonly applied to testing the quality of metals by fire. Spiritually, these two phrases indicate, as your mind is renewed you will be able to pass the test and understand the will of God, and what is written in the Bible. So, as your mind is renewed you will become more self-controlled and will be able to love well. My short-book on my website explains the scientific and spiritual research for why and how to transform our minds to achieve a self-controlled life.

How to control your tongue.

When we control how we think with the help of God, then we can control how we speak, and be mature. This can only be done by continually abiding with Jesus in the heavenly places through prayer, which can be accomplished by turning every thought into a prayer. See my post called, Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

The Bible says we are to bridle our tongue to control it, like we bridle a horse to control it. James 1:26 states, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” And, James 3:2,3 state, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle (control) his whole body. 3) If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.” Some people have problems gossiping, complaining, being critical, and arguing. Why? How can we live blameless lives before God (Philippians 1:9-11)?

(Update: I know I am being vulnerable, but I hope it helps you in some way. A few days after I posted this, I wrote a negative venting email to my friend while under the control of my feelings, and spoke negative about my someone. I felt the conviction to not write what I did (should have heeded the Holy Spirit), but I did it anyway. At 4:30 a.m. the next morning, God put His finger on my heart about it. I repented and ask Him what I could do to not let my feelings control my responses. God said (paraphrase), talk to Him first. A few hours later, I had the opportunity to do just that. I prayed about a difficult situation I was getting emotional about and WOW, it worked. I was able to respond logically and under the Holy Spirit’s control.)

It is one thing to know the right thing to do and say, but another thing to do it. For example, I wrote a helpful post called Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without so I know what I should be thinking, now I need to discipline myself to do this daily. You can never be perfect at something unless you practice all the time. You have my permission to print out my post on “Thoughts that Create Peace Within and Without” to practice training your mind. The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:9:^“What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.“

When events don’t go as planned is stressful, and we sometimes, or often, lose self-control of our feelings and do and say things we shouldn’t. The next time you are tempted to lose control of your emotions, excuse yourself from the situation and answer the following questions to bridle your tongue before your mouth spills hurtful words.

What is the expectation not being met? (Take a deep breath and accept the disappointment and the fact that not everything will go the way you want it to.)

What are the wrong thoughts I need to capture and loose from my mind? (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you. It may not be right away, but He will.)
What is the false belief or offense driving my thoughts, which need to be loosed from my mind? (Take a deep breath and ask God to show you, and the memory that needs to be healed.)
What is the problem that needs to be solved?
What are some solutions?
What are Biblical truths I can bind to my mind to renew it and transform my attitude.
What can I be thankful for?

There is hope for complete transformation of your reactions when you depend on God to show what is in your mind and seek His help to renew your mind through the Holy Scriptures. You can be self-controlled in what you say as your mind is transformed by God’s love.

Helpful posts to read:

POSTS on Thoughts

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

We are told to be self-controlled and disciplined. But why can’t we? What blocks us from being self-controlled and disciplined? As I pondered this question and reflected on my own self-control issues, God showed me it is because of my pride and resentment.

In the last post, I wrote of our need to give up childish thinking, which includes childhood resentments. So, how do we know if our thinking is childish? Children are emotionally reactive when they don’t get what they want. In fact, we are born with a prideful, self-centered, sin nature, that causes us to focus on our own wants and needs. To have a base understand for this post please read my last post Self-control and Maturity

What does healthy emotional self-control look like?

People who have emotional self-control do not over-react, but are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (see James 1:19). In the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey, he describes what it means to be a principle-centered person and not reactive. Instead of being reactive self-controlled people are proactive. Principle-centered people stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on them, and they evaluate the options.

Besides the Bible, this book was the next best book to helped me transform my wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs. Covey’s book describes how a healthy person should think and act. I wrote thought transforming truth statements for each chapter of Covey’s book and put them on my website called, Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

What is resentment and how do we develop it?

The dictionary defines resent as feeling or showing displeasure and indignation at (some act, remark, insult, etc.) or toward a person, from a sense of being injured or offended. A person who has resentment will show anger and ill will for any real or perceived wrong or injury, which they believe is unfair. If you remain resentful, you will become bitter, which will keep you self-focused and prevent you from maturing. The dictionary defines bitter as causing or showing sorrow, discomfort, or pain, and bitterness is feeling or showing hate or resentment. When people are prevented from getting what they want, they will show anger and resentment in how they respond. Resentment will control your reactions when triggered, as I explain later in this post.

Watch how you react to disappointment.

When we become depressed and pouty, or angry and unkind, it is because we have become offended by a disappointment. Disappointment creates an offense when there is a real or perceived sense of unfairness, and you feel wounded. Dealing with disappointment in a healthy way will prevent becoming offended and resentful. So, if you currently become offended by disappointment when someone or something does not do what you want, it shows self-centered immaturity. To learn more, read #1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution.

I recommend the following actions to handle disappointment in a healthy way. First, capture (acknowledge) offended thoughts. Offended thoughts are evident when you do not feel peace and joy. Once you acknowledge you are offended, then ask what disappointed me? Next, forgive the person who has disappointed you or accept the situation you are disappointed by.

For example, if you did not get a raise, or was demoted. You may feel disappointed or you may feel it was unfair and become offended and resentful. If you were honest, you will first feel depressed, angry, and resentful, which is very destructive. Remove yourself from the emotional response and seek to understand and learn why, then either develop a plan to do better, or accept it and move on to another job you can excel at.

A personal example. I was disappointed when my husband could not help me with a garden project that I wanted to get done that day. It so happened, my husband had lost his driver’s license, so he was focused on finding his license, then getting it replaced. Instead of understanding his situation, I became offended and let wrong thoughts control my emotions and spoke hurtful things in revenge for disappointing me. I know I am not the only one with this problem, and therefore, I am writing about self-control right now.

I began to capture my wrong thinking and loose them from my mind, next, I asked God’s forgiveness, and then replaced my wrong thoughts with truthful thoughts of thankfulness, see my post A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER. But I did not gain full self-controlled until I accepted my disappointment and loosed the false beliefs concerning my husband that controlled my destructive behavior. I have a great husband and I should be thankful. I repented and asked my husband for forgiveness. My husband put Proverbs 25:18 on the bathroom mirror, and I have been pondering that verse ever since. To understand how false beliefs control our emotions, read UNHEALTHY BELIEFS: What are they and where do they come from?

God showed me how my wrong thoughts were created by painful memories of resentment. When I was a teen, my mother made my sisters and me do all the chores, including laundry, cooking, and hand-washing dishes for five people. I developed resentment because I perceived my sisters did not do their part, and I felt this was unfair and became resentful. My mother had just divorced my father, and went off to college, so she was focused on getting her education and did not help either. I never saw my father again, which created a host of issues. So, I did not have parental guidance to learn how to handle disappointments and the resulting resentment.

I went through the five steps to heal my heart and purify my soul to heal these resentments. See; Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. God also showed me I had current resentment toward my husband for not meeting other expectations when I needed help. I took those resentful thoughts captive and loosed them and then asked God to forgive me and asked my husband to forgive me.

Put away resentments so you can mature.

The bible says in Ephesians 4:31,32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” To put something away is to no longer be emotionally invested in the negative or painful memory. Putting away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice involves asking God to reveal painful childhood memories that caused you to become resentful of a real or perceived wrong done to you. Many adults have subconscious bitterness that keep them stuck in self-focused childish thinking. To find these subconscious memories, begin reading my book here 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories to understanding the why and how for healing past issues to mature and love well.

After you put away any wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice from your heart, then bind in kindness and forgiveness to your heart. See my post called; Relationship and World Changing Kindness and WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE.

There is hope for maturity and self-control as we put off resentfulness from disappointments we perceived as unfair. When we put off resentfulness and accept disappointment then we can be self-controlled.

Related Posts:

SELF-CONTROL Issues

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Patience — Freedom from Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Do you wake-up grumpy or maybe dread going to work? Are you upset by what people do? Are you depressed and worried? Do you want to be joyful and positive? Our mood reflects the level we are offended by unmet expectations. The more offended we are the more despaired or angry our mood is. You may have a good reason to be upset, like when you go through an ugly fight, a divorce, or job loss. I’ve been there, I know. But, allowing those negative thoughts to control your life is not healthy, nor is it good for other relationships. The number one way to change your negative thoughts and negative mood is to be thankful.

You may be thinking, no way, I can’t do that. Being thankful may be hard and sometimes impossible but with God all things are possible. Jesus said in Matthew 19:26, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Also read Mark 9:23 and Mark 10:27. And, 2Corinthians 15:57 states, “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Also read 2Corinthians 2:14.

How thankfulness changes a negative mood

When someone says thank you or doesn’t say thank you, how does that make you feel? If someone sends you a thank-you card, or you send a thank-you card. Do you feel positive or negative? The act of being thankful takes the focus off yourself and onto something positive. Have you noticed the more you focus on yourself, the more miserable you feel? My last post describes how sub-conscious negative thoughts affect our relationships and how to change your relationships and the world with one simple act. You can read it here if you haven’t read it yet: Relationship and World Changing Kindness

I was a depressed, miserable, angry, anxious person for a long time before I discovered the power of forgiveness, transforming painful memories, and being thankful. I discovered in my research that every thought has a life energy (positive) and a death energy (negative). Being thankful transforms a negative mindset into a positive mindset. A positive mindset makes you feel happy and at peace with yourself and your world. It is amazing how powerful thankfulness is in your life or circumstance. Being thankful is difficult to do at times because we tend to gravitate toward misery and resentment for some strange reason. I struggled being thankful my whole life.

What prevents a thankful heart?

First, PRIDE prevents us from being thankful people because a prideful person is only focused on getting their needs and expectations met! I was so focused on myself and having my expectations met, I couldn’t be thankful. Not appreciating the things my husband did put a strain on our marriage. Every person wants to be appreciated. I wrote about how I became free from this roadblock to happiness in my blog called The Core Negative Heart Issue.

Second, painful memories prevent a thankful heart. Conscious and sub-conscious painful memories dictate our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, behaviors, and destiny. Read the following post to learn more: HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR. Growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional home created a host of negative issues in my life. Read my post on how I transformed these painful memories: WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story. I also wrote a post on how I overcame the negative effects of a sadistic divorce and job loss: Trust God to Keep His Promises.

And third, unforgiveness keeps our mind focused on the negative, hurtful action that offended us and prevents us from being thankful. To learn why and how to forgive read: WHY MUST I FORGIVE.

How to be thankful

My husband heard we should think of two things we can be thankful for when annoyed or frustrated. Thinking a thankful thought instantly changes a negative mood. Try it. Think of something that is irritating you right now. Now think of two things related to the situation you can be thankful for. For example, if you are having issues with your co-worker. Think of two positive things about your co-worker and think thankful thoughts about those positives. Keep in mind, everyone has negative issues and trash thoughts that spills out of their mouth, that comes from painful memories or focusing on self-interests. If slow traffic annoys you, be thankful you don’t have to walk, you are comfortable, and you have extra time to pray and worship God. Upset with your partner? Find two to three positive traits or actions and be thankful for them.

(Take a few minutes and try this exercise.) How do you feel? Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself to be thankful and for what.

Be sure to tell your partner or co-worker what the positive things you are thankful for in them. Telling someone what you are thankful for will powerfully and positively change attitudes. For a while my husband and I kept a little note pad around and we randomly wrote thankful or kind things about the other person. It was so much fun to see what my husband wrote, and I enjoyed writing thankful and kind things about him. It powerfully and positively changed our marriage. Try it. It was recommended to keep the thankfulness notepad in the bathroom, so they can read it before going to bed.

Scriptural command to be thankful

The following are Scripture texts commanding us to be thankful and give thanks. Remember, when you disobey God’s commands, you are in sin and will suffer the consequences of unthankfulness, which allows misery and despair. God knew focusing only on ourselves was self-destructive. He commands us to be thankful so we can experience joy and peace.

Ephesians 5:20-21 state, “Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21) submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” How would your life, marriage/partnership, friendships, and work environment change if you gave thanks all the time and for everything? 1Theselonians 5:18 states, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Giving thanks in all circumstances is difficult, especially if you are diagnosed with cancer. The people who can find something to thank God for, are the most content and joyful people. I heard a missionary to China say how joyful the Chinese Christians are despite risking the loss of their homes and being put in prison.

Ephesians 5:4 states, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” Does the conversation at your family get-togethers digresses into gossip, foolish talk, and so on? Next time, ask them what they are thankful for. Other ways you can prompt wholesome conversations can be found in this post: Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Philippians 4:6 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” When I am thankful for God’s love, provision, mercy, and grace and trust Him to take care of my problems, I feel peace and joy. When I begin to focus on the negative issue, I became anxious and stressed again.

Colossians 3:15, 16 “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16) Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” When I memorize Scripture, then I can teach and encourage others, and I can use those Scriptures to give thanks in my prayers. See my post on the things we can thank God for in Psalms 103: County Jail Study on Psalms 103. Also read, Who God is — Daily A-C-T-S Prayers . Colossians 4:2 also states, “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.”

The Old Testament gives us other reasons to give thanks to God:

1Chronicals 16:34 “Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!” (Also see, 1Chronicals 16:41; 2Chronicals 7:3,6; 20:21, Ezra 3:11; Psalm 106:1; 107:1,8; 118:1,29; 136:1-3.)

Psalm 9:1 A Psalm of David. “I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” (Also see Psalm 86:12; Psalm 105:1.) Many times, I was so angry with a situation that the only thing I could be thankful for was the wonderful things God did for me in the past and will do in my current situation. By keeping my mind focused on Him, I was not focused on the negative situation or circumstance.

Psalm 116:17 “I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.” (Also see Ps. 50:14, 23; 107:22; Amos 4:5.) Sometimes we must give a sacrifice of thanksgiving even when we don’t feel like it. God is pleased with this sacrifice and will give you joy instead of misery.

Conclusion

Thankfulness is like guardrails that prevents your car from going over a cliff. So, thankfulness prevents your mind from crashing down the cliff of despair. Now, God commands us to be thankful so when we are not, we sin. Ask Him to help you be thankful when it is hard, and He will help you. You can be more than a conquer over negative issues in your life (see Romans 8:31-39), these verses also produce a thankful heart.

I wrote a short book called “Hope for Complete Healing.” I describe how to transform negative issues in your life by taking the offending thoughts captive and loosing them from your mind. Then to transform the associated negative, painful memories with truth to render them powerless. Transforming painful memories involves thankfulness to change negative thoughts into positive thoughts. I describe this process in my book and in this blog post: Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. I made this book available on my website and I can send you a paper copy. If you want me to send a copy of my booklet, please contact me and let me know.

There is hope to change a negative mood into a positive mood through thankfulness.

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

What ever happened to kindness? Most of my hurts and painful memories come from unkindness, beginning with my childhood to the present. I would venture to guess that everyone has painful memories from unkind people. These painful memories affect our thinking and beliefs, and they prevent us from being kind. We know being patient is hard, but have you considered your struggle to be kind?

For instance, I was not being kind to my husband, though he was being patient with me. Later, he said, if I treated my friends like I treat him, I would have no friends. OUCH! The next day, my husband asked if I was mad at him. I said, “I don’t think so.” So, I went to God and asked Him to show me why I was disrespecting my husband. The next day, as I was memorizing Ephesians 2:1-7, I read verse seven, “so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” God quickened my mind when I read “grace in kindness.” And He revealed I was angry at my husband for what I perceived as his unkindness towards me. I had repressed my offense and was being unkind in return.

I began to think deeply about grace and kindness. What does kindness look like in action? God brought me back to the phrase, “grace in kindness.” Grace is getting what we don’t deserve and is demonstrated by God’s kindness towards us. Grace involves forgiveness. Ephesians 1:7,8 states, “In him (Jesus) we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight.” I asked God to give me insight whether I was holding a grudge? I know when we hold onto an offense, we can’t show grace to the person who offended us. Do you agree?

If God is willing to forgive our sins, then we can forgive the sins of others (see Matthew 6:12). Please note, God’s grace is immeasurable which He lavishes on us richly. This is hard to comprehend. How much better the world will be if we each lavished grace and forgiveness on those who don’t deserve it? If we can comprehend the immeasurable grace God has for us, how grateful we will be. Trying to wrap my mind around this kind of grace has made me realize how ungrateful I am.

For example, in Luke 10:25-37, Jesus tells a parable of a man who was beaten and robbed, then left naked on the road. Three men came upon the naked man, the two religious leaders walk by and the third man, a Samaritan, who is despised by the Jews, showed mercy and compassion and help the man. Jesus asked, “Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” (Luke 10:36). The good Samaritan was not selfish with his time and money. He went out of his way to take the man to an Inn, and then paid for the man’s stay and care. It is hard to be kind and show mercy to those who are not kind to us, but that is the love God wants us to show to the world. Remember, love is patient and kind… (1 Corinthians 13:4a).

1 John 3:17-18 also says, ^“But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? ¹⁸Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. Love focuses on the needs of others. But if our thoughts are only about meeting our own needs and expectations, then we will not be patient or kind, and we will not love others well. To love well and show kindness we must transform our self-centered thoughts and beliefs to reflect God’s immeasurable grace.

Yes, I was not kind to my husband because I became offended when my demands were not met. My thoughts of being offended created a false belief my husband did not love me, and I can’t depend on him. My false beliefs caused me to feel disrespected and disrespectful. My unkindness to my husband was the result of my wrong thoughts and false beliefs. To learn more read #1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution.

The wrong thinking that my husband should serve me was transformed by a blog I read by healingmission, The Christian Healing Mission Daily Blog. The author encouraged her readers to serve as Jesus served. This truth is found in Matthew 20:28, which states, “the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” I was convicted of my sinful desire to be treated like a Queen and to be served. I expected my husband to be my servant, for which he was not a willing participant. Satan wants us to live self-centered and selfish lives to keep us in bondage to misery. Jesus wants us to follow His example and serve others in love.

I took out my “Hope for Complete Healing” booklet and looked up “Kindness Issues.” Using the list of offenses in the “Kindness Issues” worksheet, I prayed and asked God to show me why I was offended. He showed me I felt rejected when my husband didn’t do what I expected him to do. And, I was offended by how rough he spoke to me. I then went through the “Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul.

Next, I prayed and bound to my heart and mind the positive attributes of kindness and the transformation truths found on the worksheet. God then showed me I had painful memories of my mother speaking roughly to me, which triggered my response to my husband’s roughness. I went through the five steps of healing again to transform that painful memory.

I remind myself, I can only ask God to change my heart and correct my thoughts. And, I cannot expect God to change my husband because he has a will to choose how he behaves. Read the following post to know what is and is not our Authority in Prayer, Four Reasons Why We Have Authority in Prayer.

If you find you identify with my struggle to love well, then please go to God and receive healing and His immeasurable grace and forgiveness. Begin reading my short booklet today for guidance. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

There is hope for complete healing as we receive God’s grace and forgiveness, then show grace in kindness.

If you want a paper copy of the booklet on my website, contact me by email. I can mail a copy of my booklet for a small donation to cover the cost of printing and mailing.

Related Posts:

Love From a Pure Heart

WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE

The Core Negative Heart Issue

POSTS Related to Relationships

POSTS on Thoughts

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Free from Anger–County Jail Testimony and Teaching

I have been teaching the girls in the county jail how to recognize and overcome wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs. One lady received court papers concerning her children being adopted out. Her mother is now the foster parent for the children. The inmate was furious. Her angry thoughts generated a plan to hurt those whom she perceived as hurting her. This situation was a great opportunity to teach why we need to take our negative thoughts captive, and how to transform them so they don’t control our behavior.

I set aside my lesson that night and prayed for God to help me as I helped her apply what I had been teaching. As she shared why she was so angry, she revealed several unhealthy beliefs and the painful memory triggering her anger. She believed her mother wanted to keep her from raising her children. She had painful memories of growing up with a controlling mother who still was trying to control her. I began to ask questions to help her recognize her wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs. I explained how our wrong thoughts come from many sources, such as painful memories and demonic forces creating misunderstanding, wrong perception, misinterpretation, and wild imaginations not based in reality. To learn more about the reality of the Spirit world, read: Four Realities of the Spirit World

Wrong perception and misunderstanding generated negative feelings of anger. We discussed each wrong thought, and the related unhealthy belief. It is amazing how wrong thoughts affects our emotions that then negatively feed our wrong thinking. When you recognize a wrong thought and unhealthy belief, you need to capture them by first asking God to help in your weakness to control your thoughts, then pray to loose (release) and put them off from your mind and heart. Then I led her to think positive thoughts and find things to be thankful for. She admitted she loved her mother and did not believe her mother would deliberately hurt her. She also had a wrong belief that CYS had lied to her.

We explained that her mother and Child Youth Services were not the enemy, but that demonic forces were. We read and discussed Ephesians 6:10-12, which state, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11) Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12) For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Then we read 2 Corinthians 11:3, which states, “But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.” My co-teacher explained how the devil wants to destroy our faith in God and to resist believing the lies and trust God to work everything out for her good and the good of her children. Many who read this post may not believe demonic forces of evil can influence us. According to the Bible, demonic forces are actively looking to devour us (see 1 Peter 5:8,9) but we must stand strong in our faith. If you have this wrong belief, please capture this thought/belief by acknowledging it and pray to loose/put off the wrong thought/belief, and then bind-in/put on the truth found in the Word of God. We need to daily submit our minds to God and resist the devil’s schemes and influence to derail our faith (see James 4:7).

Next, we read and discussed Romans 8:26-28, which state, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27) And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28) And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (The Holy Spirit is in those who believe in Jesus Christ and received Him as their savior from eternal death and the wrath of God for sin.) I explained how the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness and will intercede for us according to the will of God. And know whatever happens, when we love God, He will use it for our good to accomplish His purpose. Then we talked about how we know we love God, and we read John 14:15; 1 John 5:3; and 1 John 3:21-24. Next, we went to our theme verses in Hebrews 4:14-16, which state, “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15) For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16) Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” This verse is key to living a victorious life because we are weak to control sinful desires and we need the help of God. God’s grace gives us the power to overcome our weaknesses to sin.

Then I shared my testimony of how my ex-husband promised that I would never see the children again if I left him. He tried to fulfill his promise, which created tremendous anxiety in my mind. But God came through because I trusted Him. My X even brought a psychologist to court to testify that I was not a good mother and my X should get full custody of the children. God caused the psychologist to testify on my behalf. To learn more about how God showed up for me and the many miracles I experienced read: Trust God to Keep His Promises. After sharing my testimony, the inmate could see how her thinking was wrong and how trusting God was better than being tormented by angry thoughts from the demonic forces at work to destroy her and her faith in God.

The next week she reported good news. When she talked to her mother, she realized she mis-interpreted the court papers and her mother’s intentions. She realized she was allowing her imagination to torment her, and God was for her and the devil was against her. Next, we discussed Ephesians 1:7-9, which state, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ.” Then, we discussed a few things the Bible describes as the will of God outlined in 1 Thessalonians 5:14-18. When we do the will of God, we are training our minds to think right thoughts so the demonic forces cannot torment us with negative thinking, unhealthy beliefs, and out of control emotions. I also explained the main purpose of God for our lives is to conform us to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. Lord willing, that will be my next lesson.

There is hope because God is our help in our time of need.

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds

POSTS on Thoughts

POSTS Related to Trusting God

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

Before you can heal the negative issues in your heart, you first must acknowledge you have them. Second, you must want to be healed. And third, you must seek God to help show you the painful memories and unhealthy beliefs that need to be healed. If you haven’t read the previous post, please do so to understand the reason for healing your heart and purifying your soul: WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

The negative issue I want to heal is being anxious, upset, and judgmental concerning vacations to the Outer Banks. Every time I think about the Outer Banks, I am consumed with negative beliefs and thoughts. I want to be free from the consuming negative reaction every time it is mentioned.

To realize what issues in your life need healing, journal the events of your life from conception to the present. Title each section with age titles, such as 1-2, 2-3, or a general time frame such as before elementary school. You may need to ask relatives for the details. Even a death in the family or other tragedies, such as a job loss, affects our beliefs at a young age because we react to the strong feelings of those around us. For example, when I was about 6 or 7 years old, one of my cousins was in a car accident and his whole body was in a cast. The memory of that image left an impression on my young mind that developed into a fear that needed healing. Also, if you grew up with someone who was angry and unpredictable, you will become insecure and anxious. Read my transformational testimony for an example: WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story

Read my short book describing the research and prayer methods I used for my healing from an abusive childhood. In my book are examples and worksheets that will help you find the painful memories that need healing. Only God can heal because He only knows what is in our minds and heart. So, make sure you are rightly related to Him by believing He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for your sins. Ask Him to forgive your sins and come into your heart to help you overcome the sin in your life that has damaged your soul. And to heal the hurt in your heart from people’s sins against you. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

List the current issues, problem, or concerns in your life. This is not a quick process, but one that is well worth your effort. Also, look for issues that control your life, such as addictions, anger, worry, and depression. You can take my quiz to discover childhood issues that may need healing: DISCOVER UNRESOLVED NEGATIVE HEART ISSUES QUIZ

To understand how to pray with authority, read Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the contributors for each issue (problem, concern) such as the painful memory or memories of painful experiences or sin. Painful experiences could be from a trauma, a word curse, unmet needs, betrayal, poor choices, or rejection. You may get an answer right away or you may have to wait a few days. Be conscious of the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking within your soul. All painful memories have a negative stress energy that also needs to be removed from our mind and body. Sin has negative spirit attachments that needs to be removed by putting them off in Jesus’ name (see John 14:13 and 16:24. Sin is anything you do that is not loving and valuing others and God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. It is helpful to review the following worksheets on my website and read Chapter Five of my book for guidance:

LOVE Issues, JOY Issues, PEACE Issues, PATIENCE Issues

KINDNESS Issues, GOODNESS Issues, TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues ,

MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues, SELF-CONTROL Issues

Forgive those who sinned against you (see Matthew 6:14:15, Colossians 3:13, and Ephesians 4:32). Do not dwell on the painful memories but be quick to forgive, though you may need to grieve a loss, which is healing. Remember, forgiveness releases you from the emotional control of the painful memories contributing to the issue needing healed. PRAY: “Dear Lord, I forgive (name of the person or persons) for causing the pain of __________.” To learn more read WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE
Replace unhealthy beliefs with truth. Write down the lies or unhealthy beliefs the Holy Spirit reveals that are associated with the heart issue needing transformed by the truth. Next, write the truths to replace the unhealthy beliefs. Look at each of the Spirit Characteristics Worksheets listed in step one to find the truth to replace the lies you are believing.
Repent of sins. List the sins you committed because of your wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs and decisions related to the issue needing healed. Confess them to God and ask His forgiveness and to then take all your guilt and resentment away (see 1 John 1:9).
Write a thanks to God for something He did to protect, provide for, or comfort you.

AN EXAMPLE FROM MY LIFE

The following is my journal entry and prayers concerning negative issues related to vacations at the Outer Banks.

The contributors to my negative Outer Banks issue are painful memories of hurricanes and the terror of rip tides. I became very upset when rip tides were tearing the beach up and my husband and his sister decided to walk the beach at night with the small children. I did not go because I knew the danger but could not convince them of the danger. My anxiety was so high, and I became very angry at how stupid they were to put themselves and the children in danger.

I PRAY: Dear Lord, I forgive my husband and sister-in-law for risking their lives and my children’s lives when they walked the beach at night while rip tides were tearing up the beach. Loose the negative stress energy painful memory from my mind and from every cell in my body. Forgive me for being anxious, angry, and not trusting You. I loose the wrong belief that my husband and sister-in-law are stupid and careless. I bind into my mind the truth that You were protecting my family despite the danger. I loose the unhealthy belief that my anger can control my husband’s behavior to do what I think is right. I bind in the truth that I can practice self-control over my emotions and trust God with the decisions of others. Loose this negative stress energy of the unhealthy beliefs from my mind and every cell of my body. In Jesus’ name. (There were many other unhealthy beliefs I had to loose and bind in the corresponding truth to replace the unhealthy belief.)

During another vacation the waves were so huge that when I attempted to go in the ocean, I lost my dignity and the children will never be the same. This and many other painful experiences caused me extreme anxiety, so I stopped going on those family vacations. My husband went without me, which caused me to worry if he would die. I PRAY: Lord, forgive me for not trusting you to keep my husband safe. Loose and remove the negative energy from this unhealthy belief. In Jesus’ name.

One year my father-in-law became very ill and the family did not take him to urgent care. I PRAY: Lord, I forgive my husband and his family for not getting my Father-in-law to see a doctor when he became very ill. I loose the wrong belief that they did not care about him and did not want to take the time from their vacation to take him to the doctor. Loose this negative stress energy from my mind and every cell of my body. In Jesus’ name.

My painful memories are many, and they caused me to hate everything about the Outer Banks. I PRAY: Heavenly Father, loose and remove each bad memory related to the Outer Banks and the negative stress energy from every cell of my body they created in my heart and mind. And, loose the negative feeling of hate from my heart. In Jesus’ name. And, Lord, loose and remove the unhealthy belief that the Outer Banks is a terrible and stressful vacation. Loose and remove the wrong belief I must be in control and things must go my way. In Jesus’ name. I bind into my mind the truth that there were good times and good memories of the fun things we did. I bind in the truth that I can get along with my husband’s family through Your love and help. I bind in the truth that Your Word says I should give preference to the desires of others. I bind in the truth that I do not have to be in control and things do not have to go my way for me to be happy. I bind in the truth that I can serve others in love. In Jesus’ name.

I PRAY: Lord, I confess and ask Your forgiveness when I became angry and anxious and sinned by not trusting You and praying about the things that concerned me. Forgive me for throwing anger fits when things did not go my way or when I became frustrated. Forgive me for complaining instead of being thankful. Forgive me for being judgmental and critical of the actions of my family. Loose the guilt and negative stress energy my anger and anxiety created from my mind and every cell of my body. In Jesus’ name.

I PRAY: Thank you Lord for keeping my family safe during the hurricanes we vacationed in and protecting my family from drowning in rip tides. Thank you for the good times we had and help me focus on the positive things I experienced while on vacation at the Outer Banks. In Jesus’ name.

Now when I think about vacations at the Outer Banks, I do not have any negative feelings.

Examine your family history, if you see the same pattern of negative issues, then assume the issue is generational. Ask God to then loose and remove genetics and DNA markers for that issue from every cell in your body. Ask God if the issue is a curse that has passed down to you, if so, ask Him to break the curse from your life and the lives of your children, in Jesus’ name.

Next, ask God to show you if you have a stronghold protecting your painful memories and unhealthy beliefs. You may use the stronghold combinations I have identified in Chapter Three of my short book—though your memories, offenses, and unhealthy beliefs may differ from the ones I have identified. 3–Breaking Free From Mental Strongholds

I am praying for you as you take this journey of healing.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

Do you know you have two hearts? Do you know both hearts react to our experiences? Everyone knows we have a physical heart that pumps our blood. But we also have an emotional heart that process our feelings into memories and determines what we believe. What we think directs how we feel in our emotional heart. To understand more about the power of thoughts, read the following posts: What Controls Your Thoughts?, ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL, and Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

A. The Emotional Heart and the Soul

Did you know your emotional heart is part of your soul? The following verses describe how the soul contains our feelings. Job said his soul grieved for the needy (Job 30:25). King David said in Psalm 6:3, “My soul also is greatly troubled.” And, Psalm 35:12 states, “They repay me evil for good; my soul is bereft [left sad and lonely].” And, Psalm 43:5a states, “Why are you cast down (in despair), O my soul, and why are you in turmoil? Hope in God…” And, Psalm 88:3a states, “For my soul is full of troubles…” Last, Lamentations 3:17 states, “My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is.”

The Apostle Peter explains in 1 Peter 1:22 how to purify our soul so our heart is pure, “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.” Only as we obey the truth found in the Bible to put off our old self and put on a new self, can we love others well (see Ephesians 4:17-32 and Colossians 3:5-17). Read my short book to learn how to do this: DISCOVER A NEW REALITY

The Webster dictionary says the soul is our mind, emotions, and will. Some people credit the soul as containing our sense of morality and conscience with the functions of thinking and willing. No one truly understands the soul’s specific function, though we know it sets humans apart from the animal kingdom.

Animals do not have a conscience or sense of morality; knowing the distinction between right and wrong conduct or action, and they do not feel guilt. Sin creates guilt, which makes us feel dirty inside. Hence, the need to purify our soul. Sin is doing what is harmful and selfish and disobeying what the Bible says is the right thing to do. People with wounded hearts often do not feel guilt for the wrong they do. Therefore, healing the wounds in our heart through the love of Jesus and His sacrifice will allow our conscience to direct us into right thinking. When I became free from my guilt, I could love myself and then love others better.

Another distinction from animals is our soul longs to be in right fellowship with God. Moses said in Deuteronomy 4:29 to, “…Seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search after Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” The wounds and guilt in our heart and soul hinder us from seeking God and being in right fellowship with Him, which is another reason we need to heal our heart and purify our soul.

?? How does the hurt in our hearts keep us from seeking God?

The hurt in our heart creates pride and is often protected by pride. Our pride maintains our right to be hurt and angry. Pride keeps us from taking our hurt to God and forgiving those that hurt us. To learn more about pride read: HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

B. Where do Heart and Soul Wounds Come From?

Painful experiences and guilt from sin, wound our soul by creating negative thoughts that then develop into offenses. Offenses are resentments, hurt feelings, and displeasure from the pain of unfairness, mistreatment, disrespect, betrayal, unacceptance, and being ignored. Offenses create painful memories, which then create stress in our body and conflicts in our mind through wrong beliefs. We know we are offended when we feel angry or hurt. Painful memories and guilt handicap our spirit, and keep us from loving God and others well, and we appear hypocritical to non-believers. Read my post on memories: HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

When something triggers a painful memory, it then controls our thoughts and feelings, and then our behavior follows. Hurt feelings create wrong beliefs. The only way to know your wrong beliefs is to ask God to show you and then listen to what you say or think. For example, I heard myself say to my husband he doesn’t care. Then when I was praying, I thought God did not care what I wanted. This is a lie and wrong belief from painful memories when my parents abused and disregarded me. I still carried this wrong belief in my heart, and it was still directing my thoughts. Abuse is the mistreatment of others that causes physical, emotional, and mental harm. Abuse also includes using insulting, coarse, or bad language about or to someone. Read my post on wrong beliefs for more details: Identify and Replace False Beliefs

With God’s guidance, He has shown me how to heal my heart and purify my soul, which I share in my book called “Hope for Complete Healing.” Healing and purifying our soul are the removal of offenses, unhealthy beliefs, and guilt. As our souls heal and become pure, we will experience freedom, peace, love, and joy. And, we will love others better. Read the following post: Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

C. Emotional Health is Directly Related to Physical Health

One major benefit of healing the negative issues of my heart and soul is physical healing. The Bible explains this process in 3 John 2, which states, “Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.” And in, Proverbs 14:30 it states, “A tranquil (peaceful) heart gives life to the flesh (body), but envy makes the bones rot.” Envy is a feeling of discontent and ill will because of another’s advantages, possessions, etc.; and a resentful dislike of another who has something desirable. The synonyms of envy are: jealousy, greed, bitterness, resentful, and spite, all of which is sin. Sin corrupts our soul, so we need to purify the sin out of our soul to heal our heart.

When we envy our minds are on the things of the earth and on what other people have and we don’t have, which will cause us to be discontent and miserable. Misery leads to negative feelings of resentment and bitterness, which generate painful memories. Painful memories generate negative energy, which creates stress that then causes the cells of our body to degenerate. So, our physical heart will suffer harm from the negative feelings in our emotional heart. There is a lot of research on this topic, I explain this in more detail in the following chapter of my book: 4–Physical Healing

The following verse also equates healing with turning away from evil. Doing evil is synonymous with sinning. Proverbs 3:7-8 states, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8) It will be healing to your flesh (body) and refreshment to your bones.” Evil is being and doing morally bad or wrong things to harm or cause trouble for people. Fearing the LORD is deep respect and awe for the power, majesty, and holiness of God and His judgment and wrath for those who do evil. This respect causes us to turn from evil and do what is right in God’s eyes, not our own. Proverbs 8:13 states, “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil (evil behavior) and perverted speech I hate.” You may like to read the following posts. EVIL—What is it and what is the remedy? and HOW PRIDE DESTROYS and #1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

When you feel peace, you feel positive don’t you? Peace generates a positive energy that removes negative stress from our bodies. When we pray and put our trust in God, we feel peace. And, as we look to Jesus and keep our minds focused on the things above, the life of Christ will flow through us and give life to our physical bodies. And according to Isaiah 26:3 we will have “perfect peace when our minds are stayed on Him, because we trust Him” to provide what we need and what is best for us. This is accomplished by turning every thought into a prayer to God. I have several posts on trust and peace you might like to read: Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without, TRUST Leads to PEACE, Trust God to Keep His Promises, 15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep, and Psalm 91 Posts

D. Conclusion

Healing our heart and purifying our soul has the following benefits.

Allows us to make right and moral good choices.
Allows us to seek God with a pure heart and be in right fellowship with Him.
Reduces the negative stress on our bodies to allow physical healing.
We will love others well.

All verses are from the English Standard Bible. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family; hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

If you find this website helpful, you will benefit from the latest book. You can order Breaking Mental Strongholds on Amazon.

Also, check out my book called Fighting Unseen Battles on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Bondage to Unseen Controls

What are the unseen controls that keep us in bondage? Do you feel hopeless to overcome the things that seem to control your decisions? For me, I felt hopeless to control my reaction of anger and anxiety. I also felt hopeless to control my sugar addiction. As I work with incarcerated girls at the county jail, they tell me of their hopelessness to control their bondage to drugs and alcohol. There are many unseen controls influencing us, such as our painful memories from offenses and demonic activity influencing our thought life.

We have a choice to submit our thought life to God or to the devil. My series of posts on Psalm 91 contain helpful information on how to overcome the bondage and unseen control of the demonic activity around us. I will be honest; this topic can sound scary. The reason the unseen demonic world is scary is because we lack understanding. Our lack of understanding causes us to feel helpless and hopeless to control what happens. My posts on Psalm 91, explain how to overcome the unseen control of demons and not be afraid: Psalm 91 posts.

There are two extremes people take concerning Satan and demons. One extreme is to ignore the fact that the unseen demonic world (see Ephesians 6:12) can tempt and influence us. The other extreme is the Christian who has a fearful preoccupation or fascination with Satan and his unseen kingdom of darkness. The writer, C. S. Lewis, also said there are two wrong extremes, which are to deny the existence of evil spirits or to see them everywhere. To understand the spirit world better, read the following post: Four Realities of the Spirit World

The Bible, which is the Word of God, is the authority on the unseen demonic world. Ephesians 6:10-15 tell us how we can stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Ephesians 2:1 tells us that the devil is the ruler of this world. It is in our best interest to understand how the demon’s work in our lives. When I share this reality with the precious ladies in my county jail Bible study, they are fill with hope that they can be free from the bondage they are in.

I am now editing a book describing the schemes the unseen demonic world uses to put thoughts in our minds that cause relational damage with God and with others. I hope to publish it soon. I am researching publishing options. If anyone has any advice for me, please share.

The second source of unseen control in our lives is from our past experiences. I have overcome many unseen controls in my life, especially strongholds, and I share my message of hope in the book on my website. My book explains a successful method to overcome the bondage of the unseen control from our painful memories. Painful memories are created when we take offense to someone’s perceived or actual wrong actions toward us. I explain the effects of painful memories in my book and how to heal them. I give this book to the precious ladies I meet at the county jail, and I have seen marvelous results. To learn more about how offenses destroy us and our relationships and how to overcome them, read #1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution. I invite you to read my short book of hope starting here: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Wise Thoughts vs. Foolish Thoughts

Do you know anyone who is wise? How do they think? What are wise thoughts? What are foolish thoughts?

The Bible answers all these questions in Proverbs:

The thoughts of a wise person:
a) fear the Lord and shun evil (3:7, 14:16);
b) receive instruction and listen to counsel (9:9, 12:15);
c) overlook an insult and conceal dishonor (12:16);
d) seeks to understand (14:8);
e) are discerning and gracious (15:31);
f) seeks knowledge (18:15);
g) turns away from anger (29:8).

The thoughts of a foolish person:
a) right in their own eyes (11:30);
b) shows annoyance at once (12:16);
c) lashes out in pride (14:3);
d) is deceptive (14:8);
e) arrogant and careless (14:16);
f) does not want to understand but reveal their own mind (18:2);
g) quick to quarrel (20:3);
h) trust in themselves (28:26);
i) loses temper (29:11).

Everyone has foolish thoughts from time to time. God spoke through King Solomon to write the Proverbs. It appears that a fool has pride issues. So, if you have foolish thoughts, ask God to show you the pride in your heart. To know more about pride, read my post called, HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

James 4:13-18 explains two kinds of wisdom, which do you have?

Who is wise and understanding among you?
Let him show it by his
good (right, helpful, self-sacrifice)
conduct (behavior, conversation) and works (deeds)
done in the meekness (gentleness, humility) of wisdom. (4:13)

>> What are examples of behaviors and deeds that appear to be wise?

>> Would your family members or co-workers say you are wise and understanding based on your behavior and deeds?

But if you have
bitter jealousy (envy-desire to enrich yourself) and
selfish ambition (strife, contention)
in your hearts, do not boast (be arrogant) and lie against (deny) the truth. (4:14)

Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly (worldly), unspiritual (sensual, beastly, natural), of the devil (demonic). (4:15)

For where jealousy (envy) and selfish ambition (contention, strife) exist,
there will be disorder (confusion) and
every vile practice (evil work, foul deed). (4:16)

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable (peace-loving), gentle (considerate),
open to reason (submissive, easy to intreat, yielding),
full of mercy and good fruits,
impartial (without partiality, unwavering) and
sincere (without hypocrisy). (4:17)

And a harvest (the fruit) of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (4:18)

>> Do you think of how to spread peace as a wise person or do you sow strife as a fool?

>> How do you sow peace? Who do you need to sow peace with?

If you have the thoughts and actions of a foolish person, then ask God to show you why, because God knows the source of your thoughts. In my experience, painful memories and the offenses they create caused me to be foolish in my thinking and actions. Only as I was healed of subconscious offenses did I begin to be wise in my thinking and behavior. Read my short book on this website of my research and experience on how to heal subconscious painful memories and offenses. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

The reason I encourage you to seek God to show you the hidden issues of your heart is because He knows everything about you as explained in Psalms 139:1-4.

1 You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord, know it completely.

If you struggle with having peaceful thoughts, please read the following posts:

PEACE—A Parenting and Marital Goal

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

#1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

What Controls Your Thoughts?

Just like this waterfall, we are constantly thinking, but where do our thoughts come from? We know thoughts control our behavior, but what controls our thoughts? If we can control our thoughts, then we can control our behavior. I have been pondering this question for several years, and I came up with five scenarios of what controls our thoughts and where they come from.

The first scenario: Does knowledge affect our thoughts? For instance, I know that eating certain foods create health problems, yet I mindlessly eat them. Why? Apparently, knowledge does not control our thoughts, but they should. However, paring knowledge with a feeling will affect our thoughts and decisions. For example, I knew corn was not good for me to eat, but I loved eating tacos and corn chips with salsa. It wasn’t until I associated eating corn products with my severe joint and back pain that I changed my thinking. Now when I see anything with corn, I have no desire to eat it because I associate pain with this knowledge. To learn more, read my post about becoming free from infirmity. Or, you may have knowledge that so-and-so lies, but it means nothing to you until that person deceives you, and you associate feelings of distrust to that knowledge.

The second scenario: Words and images create and control thoughts because they create and control our feelings, both good and bad. Feelings then create memories, that then create beliefs and the corresponding behavior. For example, when you see a beautiful sunset or hear beautiful music that makes you feel good, you will remember it. And for instance, watching the news, a movie, or a TV show that causes you to feel happy or sad, security or fear, peace or anxiety, etc., which then cause those thoughts to become a memory. For example, I watched a movie where two women were abducted, and bad things happened to them. After watching this movie, I became fearful of being abducted. This fear was irrational because the fear was not credible. See the post about becoming free from anxiety to learn more. And how I became free from anxiety disorder; Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

The third scenario: Unseen spirits putting thoughts in our minds, which then direct our feelings, beliefs, and behavior. You may have seen the image of a devil figure on one shoulder and an angel figure on the other shoulder. The devil figure is telling you to do something bad, and the angel figure is telling you to do something good. You can’t say, the devil made me do it, to avoid punishment because all thoughts are within our control, which I will explain in another post. This scenario may sound funny, but I have studied these phenomena and have written a book (now editing) about this topic.

The fourth scenario: Do our habits indirectly create thoughts? Have you driven somewhere and out of habit you turn at a certain place even though you did not intend to turn there? How often do we automatically or mindlessly do things out of habit? Habits can be beneficial, i.e., brushing your teeth or harmful, i.e., not brushing your teeth. Because bad habits generate automatic responses to do something harmful, they need to be reprogrammed. For example, I have a bad habit of eating candy from the candy dish at work. I know this is not good for my health or weight (scenario one). So why do I do it? Some bad habits are controlling addictions, e.g., smoking, drinking alcohol, using drugs, watching too much TV, eating too much food, etc. Read my post on becoming free from addictions to learn more. The next time you automatically do something, ask yourself the question, why? And, “Is this what I really want to do?” “Is this good and beneficial?”

The fifth scenario: Do our thoughts come from subconscious memories? I can testify that this is true. Conscious and subconscious painful memories generate poor behavior when triggered by the current feelings. Read my post about memories to learn more.

I would love to know what your thoughts are about thoughts.

Also, read my short book to learn how to transform thoughts: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).