#1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution

Let’s explore the reasons people break off a relationship, quite a job, or divorce. When we know a cause then we can find a solution. I was the kind of person that was upset about everything though I wanted peace. I was quick to get angry. Why? After many years of research and thinking deeply of possible causes, I figured out the solution. After trying the solution, I can testify it works.  I chose the picture above as an example of what is destroying relationships today; offenses from political differences.

Think back to a time you were upset about something. Why were you upset? What caused you to get upset?  Does the picture of this post upset you?  In this post I want to challenge you to think deeply about what causes arguments and strife. It is helpful to journal your thoughts concerning causes for strife in your relationships.

Let’s begin our exploration with the following understanding. Most of us are self-centered people, and we live and work with self-centered people, who want our own way.  And, we don’t know how to love well. Would you agree?

Whatever the reasons for strife, it always comes down to someone becoming offended, then getting upset. An offense is a resentment, hurt feeling, or displeasure from unfairness, mistreatment, disrespect, betrayal, being ignored or not getting what they want.  Becoming offended can happen many times a day, especially when you have to share the road with other drivers or space with another person or watching the news. So, be mindful of the times you are annoyed, angry, miffed, irritated, frustrated, etc. Why? Really think about why. Why do you think you got offended?

A major cause of strife is pride. Pride caused me to be offended most of the time.  I would think the following thoughts: “How dare someone (fill in the blank).”  “They had no right to do that.”  “Who do they think they are?”  If you were honest as to why you get upset, you too would recognize a pride issue.  Please read my post on pride to learn more: HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

Another cause for strife is when someone says something hurtful that creates an offense in our hearts. Often words hurt our pride. A person’s words reveal the condition of their heart.  Therefore, the person saying the hurtful words is also hurting from offenses they have stored in their hearts. Read the following posts for a better understanding:  WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words  and WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words produce death or life energy

Another cause for strife is unrealistic expectations. For example, I became upset with my husband because he did not take care of me when I was sick like his father takes care of his mother. This is an unrealistic expectation because my husband is not like his father, and it is not reasonable for me to expect him to be. Once I realized why I was offended, then I could deal with it rationally. But before I rationally thought through why I was irritated with my husband, I said a hurtful things to him. My hurtful words caused him to become offended, then he said hurtful things back. Do you see how this situation could escalate quickly and dissolve the relationship?

Unresolved negative issues also cause strife. For example, I became offended by the words on an anniversary card my wonderful husband gave me.  The card reminded me of an unresolved painful issue with my first husband.  Unfortunately, I allowed the offense to get into my heart and control my feelings, and I became miserable and said hurtful things.  When I dealt with the negative issue with my first husband that caused me to be offended, then I could resolve my offense and live in peace. To become free from the control of our past negative heart issues and painful memories, I invite you to visit my website and read my short book: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

As soon as we recognize we do not have peace, we should ask if we are offended.  When we become offended, we enter the fight-or-flight mode. The fight-or-flight stress response stimulates the lower brain and we enter survival mode. Survival mode stops us from thinking rationally about the situation, which is why relationships dissolve quickly. You know you are in survival mode when you become upset when a goal or expectation is not met.  If you see yourself losing control of your emotions, walk back your emotions and ask, why am I upset? Why is this important to me? What is my part in this disagreement or unexpected negative situation? What solution do I need for a win/win? What am I willing or not willing to do?  Consider if the concern causing you to lose peace is within your circle of influence.  If it is not, then let it go or pray about it.  These are only suggested questions to help you think rationally and not reactively. 

Think about the last argument you were in or the last time you were frustrated. Using the definition of an offense, which is a resentment, hurt feeling, or displeasure from (fill in the blank), can you identify what you or the other person was offended about? As you may have already figured out, being offended is the single most destructive force in any relationship. But once you discover the cause of the offense then you can work to solve it. My short book called “Hope for Complete Healing” on my website identifies many causes for offense and the solution. I encourage you to read it so you can love well and have stronger relationships.

Follow these seven actions for a great relationship, or eight for SUPER GREAT!

1) Always stay in forgiveness and do not hold grudges. Expect that your partner/spouse/friend will let you down and may not meet your expectations from time to time. Being offended blocks love, kindness, peace, joy, and patience.
2) Be thankful for strengths and abilities and focus on these. It is easy to focus on what you don’t like and tell them about it.
3) Be committed. Genuine commitment is to be wholly focused on what is best and what will strengthen the relationship.
4) Communicate complete thoughts.  Don’t assume the other person heard you or understands. Have a respectful discussion to help you convey your meaning and expectations.  Don’t mind read and make assumptions.  Seek to understand what the other person is thinking without being critical.
5) Resolve conflicts using the “pen method.” The person holding the pen explains their perspective and logic. Then hand the pen to the other person, and they reflect on what they heard you say and explains their perspective and rationale. Go back and forth until you come to a win/win for both people.
6) Create a relationship vision or mission statement. Ask yourself and each other this question: “How do I want our relationship to be in 5, 10, 15, or 30 years. Write out a plan to accomplish your vision or mission.
7) Work through past issues, so your reactions and expectations are not controlled by your past.
8) Make the Lord and the Word of God a priority in your life and relationships.  The Bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, so if you want to be wise, then God needs to be your source.

If you ever get a chance, go to a Mark Gungor marriage seminar called “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage.”  He is funny and to the point. Go to https://markgungor.com/.  On this website is a test that determines what motivates you the most.  He calls it the Flag Page, because it determines what country you are from: Control, Perfect, Peace, or Fun.  Finding out what motivated me was very helpful to understand why I do what I do.  It was also very helpful to know what motivates my husband.

To learn healthy behaviors for a healthy relationship, I encourage you to read the adapted summary of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words Produce Death or Life Energy

Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21a). The subject of words having power is not a new idea, but so often we forget that our words have power.  What happens when someone says hurtful things to you?  How do you respond?  How about when someone encourages you?  How does that make you feel?   Words can cripple us or help us soar and accomplish great things.

Consider the following; anytime we speak an unloving, hurtful word to someone, we are wounding the other person and bringing death to that relationship. Would you agree? Also, anytime we speak a negative word about ourselves and our ability; it produces death to our potential. For example, when I believe and say, “I cannot do this;” well then, I won’t be able to do it. If I believe and say, “I’m too stupid,” “I’ll never get this;” well then, I have destroyed my potential ability.

For example, when I told my mother I was going to college, she told me I was too stupid. This comment affected me for several decades. I went to college anyway and graduated.  I struggled, but I more than compensated with my other abilities and God’s help. Thirty years later, I contemplated taking graduate-level classes. I was speaking death into my ability because of the words my mother spoke over me many years earlier. First, I forgave her and asked God to take that word curse off me.  Second, I was encouraged by the truth in 1 Corinthians 2:16b which states, But we have the mind of Christ.”  This encouragement gave me hope, and I immediately said, yes, I can go to graduate school because with Christ’s mind I could do it. I spoke this truth and it changed my thinking, which affected the course of my life. I applied to graduate school and was accepted. And, because I relied on Christ’s ability and not my insecurity, I did very well.

Can our words bring literal death to a person? I believe it could, especially when we speak words like, I wish you were dead, or it would be better if you would be gone. If you are struggling with these types of word curses, please visit my website to learn how to overcome them. Often these people, who hear these words, commit suicide because of the spirit of rejection is so heavy on them.  We need words of encouragement that give hope and empowerment.  The Word of God is full of encouragement and words of hope.  Read through the nine “Issues Worksheets” on my website to fill your mind with empowering truth and hope.  Go to hopeforcompletehealing.com

Furthermore, we all want to be loved and to love.  So, when you speak destructive words of rejection to or about someone, you release the negative energy of that word. For example, one inmate in my bible study said that she was told she would be a failure.  Being adopted, she already felt rejection, then her adopted mother who believed in her died when she was young.  She believed she would be a failure and the feelings of rejection influenced her to make many wrong decisions, which ultimately caused her to end up in jail. Once she became aware of the curses put on her, she forgave the people and put off the curses.  She transformed right in front of me, and I saw a tremendous peace and joy come over her. Once we become aware of curses spoken to us by others, we too can verbally loose and put them off and then bind in the truth of God’s Word.

Remember the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This saying is a lie.  Hurt people, who have been offended by unloving words and deeds, continue to hurt people. My first husband would speak words of death over me all the time, and I became very depressed and suicidal. My psychologist told me that his opinion was not the truth. My ex-husband was a hurting little boy from an alcoholic family, who had many painful memories. Therefore, his opinion was shaped by the hurt in his heart, which came out of his mouth and created death energy in my soul.

The following verses explain the connection between our thoughts, heart, and words.

Matthew 15:18-19 states, “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. 19) For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.”

Luke 6:45 states, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

The first step to change an evil heart is to change our negative heart issues generated from painful memories. Ask God to show you why you are having negative issues, which come from being offended when we are not loved as we want to be loved. Being offended opens the door to the temptation to be angry, bitter, depressed, then to slander, gossip, and do hurtful things.  If you hear yourself saying unloving things or unloving things have been said to you, then please visit my website and read how you can discover a new reality for your life. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

If you haven’t read my first post on the power of our words, I invite you to read it now: WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Power of Offensive Words

WORDS HAVE POWER—Part I: Overcoming The Destruction of Offensive Words

Have you ever considered the power of the spoken or written word?  When someone says something hurtful, it creates an offense in our hearts.   A person’s words reveal the condition of their heart.  Therefore, the person saying the hurtful words is also hurting from the offenses they have stored in their hearts from painful memories.  This post explains how to overcome the power of offensive words and actions.  But first, let’s review the power of words.  Imagine how the progression below is influenced by negative words, then imagine how the progression is influenced by positive words.

Words (positive or negative) create like thoughts.

Thoughts create feelings.

Feelings create beliefs.

Beliefs create attitudes.

Attitudes influence decisions for behavior.

 Decisions directs the course of our life.

Change the course of your life by changing your thoughts.

Often, when we become offended, it is because the words or action triggered a subconscious painful memory of an unmet need or expectation.  Other times, we become offended because a selfish desire was not met, or our pride was hurt.  All of humanity struggles with being self-centered.  For instance, someone does something to you or says something about you that you thought was unloving; your first response is to think; that wasn’t right; I didn’t like that.  Or you weren’t acknowledged for an achievement, or accepted into a group, or ignored, etc., which hurt your pride.  So, when we become offended, we open the door to the temptation to be angry, bitter, depressed, then to slander, gossip, and say hurtful things.  Our thoughts and feelings become controlled by the offense, and we do and say hurtful things.  To be free from the control of offenses, do the following three actions.

First, is to forgive, which may be hard to do, but it is to set you free from their control on your mind, not for them. Forgiving sets your mind free from the unseen control of negative energy from the hurtful words or actions.   Forgiveness also releases the unseen control of negative energy from painful thoughts, so they don’t control our feelings and actions.  Second, pray for the person who hurt you, because they are hurting.   Praying generates positive energy, that gives you positive feelings and positive thoughts.  And third, set your mind on the things of God by reading the Bible and transforming your thoughts to think His thoughts of love for yourself and others.  The following post describes this process in detail: Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Sometimes though, you need to set boundaries for people who continue to say abusive, hurtful words, after you have first spoken to them about how their unloving words affect you.  You need not let their words control your thinking, feelings, beliefs, and attitude, which is hard to do, but possible when you are quick to forgive.

For example, I became offended by the words on an anniversary card my wonderful husband gave me.  He did not intend to offend me, but when I explained why I was offended, he apologized and tried to make it right.  Unfortunately, I allowed the offense to get into my heart and control my feelings, and I became miserable and said hurtful things.  I’m sure no one else has done that.

When I had enough of feeling sorry for myself, I remembered that I needed to forgive the offense, even though it was not intentional.  Then I asked God to forgive me for being hurtful, and to take the power of that memory and negative energy of the offense from my mind and heart.  I felt so much better.  So often relationships are ruined by hurtful words and holding onto offenses.  I realized the quicker I forgave, the more love, peace, and joy I would experience, and the more love, peace, and joy others would experience when they were in my presence.

The anniversary card situation caused me to ask myself, why did that card offend me?  I knew from my research that it had triggered a painful memory.  So, I asked God to show me what the offense was.  He showed me that I was still offended by a hurt from my first marriage.  I went through the “Kindness Issues” worksheet on my website to release the offenses I was feeling.  Next, I forgave my ex-husband for the hurtful words he had spoken to me, and I asked God to lose and remove the power of that memory and all negative energies from my mind and heart. I also applied the right thinking and truths from the “Joy” and “Peace Issues” worksheets to transform the feelings of hurt and anguish in my heart and mind.  After going through the process of healing these negative heart issues, I felt so much peace and joy.

To learn more, please visit my site and read a short book I wrote about how I transformed many negative heart issues and discovered a new reality. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope you found this helpful.  May God Bless you richly.

To understand the power of forgiving, read: WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE

You may enjoy reading my next post called: WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words produce death or life energy

 

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

Dr. Caroline Leaf researches how the brain works, and she wrote the book, “Switch on Your Brain.”  She discovered what we consciously think and what we say and do comes from the information and memory images in the unconscious mind that has been accumulating since our birth. These memories form the perceptual base through which we see life and react to stressful situations.  She explained how we can change our thinking, and ultimately our reactions to stress.  Check out her lectures on YouTube.

Dr. Penfield also did years of extensive research on the brain and memory.  He knew the whole nervous system uses a slight amount of electrical current to transmit sensory information to the brain.  The brain, in turn, uses that current to record and store the data.  He experimented by stimulating the memory areas of the brain with small amounts of electricity and discovered that every experience we have ever had is recorded in minute detail by the brain.  Whether or not we can consciously recall them, they are still stored in our memories including the feelings that go along with the stored experiences.  We not only remember what we felt, but we tend to feel the same way as adults when we go through a similar experience. Dr. Bruce Lipton is a Cellular Biologist, and his research shows that over 90% of what affects our thoughts, feelings, and actions can be attributed to subconscious memories stored in the cells of our bodies. Southwestern Medical School calls them cellular memories.

The following story is my experience of how an unconscious memory affected my relationship with a friend.  I often got angry with the kindest person ever, who said nothing mean or unkind, so why would I get angry, so I asked God to show me why.  The word “irresponsibility” came to my mind. I asked Him to show me why this would cause me to be angry. I waited for a little while until God brought up the repressed painful memories of my father’s irresponsibility I had taken offense to.  My friend’s irresponsibility triggered my unseen hurts and anger of my father’s irresponsibility. I went through the forgiveness process for each of the painful memories God brought up from my subconscious. Then, I verbally loosed and put off the offenses from my heart and the negative energies associated with the painful memories. Next, I sought God’s forgiveness for my anger toward my friend. When I completed this process, I was no longer angry with anyone who acted irresponsibly.  To learn more about forgiveness, see the post: WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE. To learn how to hear from God, read my book I posted on my website.

I was addicted to anger, and it controlled me.  Little by little, with God’s help, I worked through my painful memories and broke many strongholds in my life. If you have anger problems, please read the following post: Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds.  Dr. Leaf emphasizes the importance of changing toxic memories to effect a change in our lives.  My book, called “Hope for Complete Healing” is my testimony of how I have changed my toxic memories and transformed my thoughts, emotions, and behavior.

The sooner we realize how painful memories affect our present beliefs, decisions, and behaviors the sooner we will seek to transform these memories.  Only God can help us find subconscious memories that keep us from being healthy and whole. God created us and loves us, and He intimately knows everything about us (see Psalm 139). The concept of God may not be part of your thinking or belief,  but ask Him to show Himself to you.  I know He is an Almighty Spirit, who always was, always will be, and is the creator of Universe and mankind. He also wants to be in a loving relationship with us through His Son Jesus Christ, who died to pay the penalty of our sins.  If you are offended by God, which we all have been if we are honest, then seek His forgiveness and healing of that hurt.  There is so much more I could say, so I encourage you to read my web page called Who God is — Daily A-C-T-S Prayers and look up the verses I reference.

I was healed of many painful memories that controlled my reaction to stressful situations.  Visit my website to learn more about how our memories control our lives and how to transform them. https://hopeforcompletehealing.com/

15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep

In my last two posts, I shared the many miracles I experienced when I trusted God to keep His promises.  The conclusion I came to is trusting fills us with peace because we don’t have to worry or fret.

So, what prevents us from believing God keeps His promises? The answer to this question is simple; doubt from wrong thinking and lies we believe. Often, the significant people in our lives did not keep the promises they made to us, which causes us to doubt that God keeps His promises. Maybe we did not keep our promises, and the quilt prevents us from believing God keeps His promises. Correcting our corrupted faith from wrong thinking and healing our painful experiences requires diligence and perseverance. So how do we transform our painful experiences and change our wrong thinking? I thoroughly explain how in my book called “Hope for Complete Healing,” which is also on my website. 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories.

Read each of the promises listed below and rate, from 0 to 5, how much faith you have in God to keep the promise: 0-not at all, 1-struggling, 2-sometimes, 3-depends on the situation, 4-most of the time, and 5-completely.  Rate all the promises before reading the extra text in italics.



God keeps His promises to His children (John 1:12 ― Romans 9:8). So, it is necessary to rate the first promise as a five.  If you could not answer with a 5, then read each of the scripture passages listed after this promise and pray for God to open your eyes and give you understanding.

1) 0 1 2 3 4 5You are saved from sin and death and have the hope of eternal life (John 10:27, 28; 3:16 – Romans 5:12; 6:23; 8:2; 10:9 – Ephesians 2:8 – Titus 3:4-7 – 1 John 5:13). To become a child of God, you must believe in the name of Jesus, and then ask Him to come into your heart by faith (Ephesians 3:17) and to fill you with His life, light, and love. Jesus is the only legal way to get into heaven (John 14:6).

2) 0 1 2 3 4 5God forgives all your sins and cleanses you from all unrighteousness when you confess your sin (Psalms 103:3 and 1John 1:9).

If you did not answer 5, then ask God to show you if you haven’t forgiven yourself, and if so, what do you need to forgive yourself for. Follow the steps listed after the survey to resolve why. If He shows you need to forgive someone, then do that, because Matthew 6:15 states “but if you do not forgive others their sins, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your sins.” Ask God to remove the guilt from your heart, and then with thanksgiving, bind in the promise above.

For example, I asked God to show me why I did not feel love. God showed me that I did not love myself, and therefore, could not love others, so I asked God to reveal why. He revealed the answer during a Bible Study. The leader explained how the Old Testament Priests offered two sacrifices, one for the forgiveness of sins and another for guilt. God showed me I needed to ask Him to remove the guilt from my past sins. After I prayed, I felt a huge weight lift off me. Not only does He forgive all our sins but forgets them as well (Jeremiah 31:4 and Hebrews 8:12).

3) 0 1 2 3 4 5God will never leave you nor forsake you because He loves you (Deuteronomy 31:6&8 and Hebrews 13:5).

If you did not answer 5, then ask God to show you the painful memories of being abandoned, rejected, or neglected. Follow the steps listed after the survey . Maybe you feel God has abandoned you by not answering a prayer, which caused an offense to form in your heart. Often, unconfessed sin prevents answers to prayer (see Psalm 66:18 and Isaiah 59:1,2). Follow the steps after the survey and work through the offenses (resentments, even toward God), then bind in the promise with thankfulness. Psalm 9:9-10 states, “The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek You.” Also, look-up Psalm 107:13-16.

God did not answer my prayer to heal my first marriage and keep us together. I felt forsaken and despaired as I faced divorce.  I was pouring my heart out to God and told Him I was going to walk away from my faith. And God answered, “What is the alternative?” I thought about it and knew that Satan would love to destroy me, so I stayed tight with God and experienced many miracles, which I wrote in the post Trust God to Keep His Promises

4) 0 1 2 3 4 5You are more than a conqueror through Christ who loves you, and nothing will separate you from His love (Romans 8:37-39). Also see Ephesians 3:16-19.

If you did not answer 5, then ask God to show you the painful experiences of failure or memories of not being loved and accepted. Isaiah 54:10 states, “’Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Breathe deeply and repeat this truth over and over until it enters your heart. Follow the steps after the survey to resolve the reason why you doubt.

5) 0 1 2 3 4 5God’s plans for you are for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

If you did not answer 5, then ask God to show the wrong choices you made and the fear of consequences that has stolen your hope. Or, you may have painful memories concerning mistakes others have made that have affected you and your hope for a good future. Maybe you’re struggling with trials and hardships, and you can’t see how good can come out of them. Follow the steps after the survey to resolve these painful issues. Meditate on Psalms 34:4, “I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” Also meditate on Isaiah 26:3.

6) 0 1 2 3 4 5God will cause all things to work together for good according to His purpose for those that love Him (Romans 8:38 – Proverbs 3:5-8).

This promise is often overused, but it still comforts us when we don’t understand why something happened as it did, and God did not answer our prayer the way we wanted. For example, I did not like losing my job, but God wanted me to write another book, and that was the only way it was going to happen. When I completed the task, then I was offered another job. During that time, God provided for all my needs. Also, God wants to heal all the memories of disappointment from your past and show you His goodness. If you did not answer 5, then follow the steps after the survey to resolve the reason for your doubts.

7) 0 1 2 3 4 5God will supply all your needs according to His riches (Philippians 4:19 and Matthew 6:31-33).

God will not always give you what you want (James 4:3), but what you need. Practice thankfulness for the things He has given you. For example, I needed a free small piano for my son, so I prayed for it. The next day I turned on the radio, which I rarely do, and a woman was giving away a piano. It was the exact size I needed, and even though it was broken, it played beautifully. Psalms 37:4,5 states, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5) Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.” Notice what our response is to be in this verse. If you did not answer 5, then follow the steps after the survey to resolve the reason why.

8) 0 1 2 3 4 5When we come to God and do what He says, we will dwell secure and will find rest, without the dread of disaster (Psalms 91 – Proverbs 1:33 – Matthew 11:28-29).

If you feel anxious or dread that something terrible will happen, then ask God to heal those memories of painful things happening to you, (i.e., abuse). It may be helpful to read my post ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds and Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE  If you did not answer 5, then follow the steps after the survey to resolve the reason why you have doubts.

9) 0 1 2 3 4 5God is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one (2 Thessalonians 3:3 – 2 Timothy 4:18 – 1 John 5:18 – Psalm 121:7-8).

Sometimes we need to claim promises by faith even when we don’t understand how God will keep the promise. Remember the miracles God did for King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20. Also remember, giving God thanks for keeping His promises is a way to exercise our faith. If you did not answer 5, then follow the steps after the survey to resolve your doubts.

10) 0 1 2 3 4 5God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability to bear it.  With the temptation, He will provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Know that we all will be tempted, which will be different for each person because Satan knows our weaknesses. When God shows you the way of escape, then obey. If you have to get rid of Facebook or the internet, do it. If you have to give up your friends who want to take you in a direction you don’t want to go, then walk away from them, they aren’t really your friends. Make new friends who are healthy and walking in the newness of Christ (Ephesians 4:17-24). Be in the Word of God every day and pray continually (see I Peter 5:8-10 and Ephesians 6:10-18). Resist the devil and draw near to God (James 4:7,8). If you did not answer 5, then follow the steps after the survey to resolve the reason for the doubt.

11) 0 1 2 3 4 5God gives power and strength and helps us when we trust Him (Isaiah 40:29-31 – Isaiah 41:10 – Psalms 46:1 – Hebrews 4:14-16).

Claim this promise for all your addictions or trials you may be facing. If you are trying to overcome an addiction, then read how to overcome addictions in my book first. If you did not answer 5, then follow the steps after the survey to resolve the reason why.

12) 0 1 2 3 4 5God is doing a new thing in your life, and He will make a way where there is no way (Isaiah 43:19).

This promise was one I claimed when I was struggling as a single mother, and He answered this promise in marvelous ways. Rejoice when you see God doing new things in your life and when you see opportunities you never dreamed you would experience. If you did not answer 5, then follow the steps after the survey to resolve the reason why.

13) 0 1 2 3 4 5God’s peace will guard your heart and your mind when you trust Him in every situation and pray with thanksgiving as you present your requests to Him (Philippians 4:6-7). Also see Luke 11:9-13 and Isaiah 26:3.

14) 0 1 2 3 4 5If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us and if we know He hears us in whatever we ask; we know we have the requests we have asked of Him (1 John 5:14-15 – 1 John 3:21-23 – John 15:16).

15) 0 1 2 3 4 5If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you (James 1:5 – Proverbs 2:6; 3:13; 4:7; 8:12; 9:10; 11:2; 13:10; 15:33 – Ecclesiastes 2:26 – Ephesians 1:17).


Evaluate the promises you answered 0 to 4, by praying through the following steps to heal the painful experiences and memories that may be causing you to doubt.

1. Ask God to show you why you do not completely believe the promise. It could be a painful experience that generated an offense (also called resentment), which is causing you to believe a lie. Be patient and sensitive to images or feelings He brings up from your subconscious mind.

a) It may be guilt from a sin you committed or a promise you did not keep, which can be confessed to God and ask His forgiveness.
b) It may be a sin from another person who hurt you. The hurt is healed when you forgive that person, and then ask God to heal the wound and remove the negative energy from the painful memory. If you find it hard to forgive, then read my post: “Why should I forgive?

2. Write down the reason you doubt, or the revealed memory of the offense, word curse, etc. And then ask God to lose the negative effects of the memory and offense from your heart and mind. Find something to be thankful for.  For example, thank Him for what He did to protect you, provide for you, prevent worse things, or comforted you.

3. Next, list all unhealthy beliefs (lies you believe) that the Holy Spirit reveals that is causing you to doubt. Ask God to lose and remove these lies, and then bind in to your heart the truth found in the Bible passages listed after the promise.

4. Last, identify the wrong behaviors (sins) and decisions you made as a result of wrong thinking and doubt. Repent by confessing them and seeking God’s forgiveness. See 1 John 1:9. If this does not make sense, then my book mentioned above will help explain this concept more clearly.

The Bible contains many more promises that we can believe and claim for our lives and for the difficult situations we are going through. I recommend the book called “Scripture Keys for Kingdom Living” compiled by June Newman Davis, for many more promises to believe.

TRUST Leads to PEACE

Do you trust those around you will value and protect you?  Do you trust that what others say is the truth?  Do you trust the plane does not crash?   Do you trust your spouse will be faithful?  Do you trust a politician or car salesman?   Trust believes in honesty, integrity, and justice, but all of us have been betrayed at one time or another.  Some of us has been betrayed multiple times because we live in a sinful world.  So how can we trust?

I recently went to Israel, and I was so anxious about everything related to the trip.  Why?  As I pondered why, I realized it was because I focused on all the things that could go wrong.  My thoughts were dictating my behavior choice to be anxious.  I also realized that my thoughts were controlled by memories of plane crashes, terrorist attacks, lost luggage, etc. I do have to admit, sedatives (natural) were my best friend while flying.  Also, the unknown made me anxious.  I was such an emotional mess that I got hives.  In short, I was not trusting God.  So I decided to focus my thoughts on God’s protection and help.  Remember, our thoughts have negative or positive energy, so controlling our thoughts controls our reactions.

As I was packing for the trip, I found Psalms 62:1,2, and 8 written out on a card, so I put this in my pocket to help me focus on God’s protection.  Every time I felt anxious, I would read these verses, which says:  “1) My soul finds rest in God only, from Him is my salvation.  2) He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold, I shall not be greatly shaken.  8) Trust in Him at all times; you people, pour out your heart before Him; God is a hiding-place for us.”  I often recalled Psalms 91, which also reinforces that I can trust God and no harm will come near me. Many other scriptures help us focus on God and the fact that we can trust Him.  I encourage you to keep these scriptures before you and to memorize them, so you can recall them when you get anxious.

Let’s be practical, what does trust look like?  For me, it is the quiet confidence that God is in control and is ordering my steps.  Trust believes He loves me and has my best interest in mind, even if it means I have to go through trials to improve my character and make me more like Him.  Trust is the confidence that God is faithful and will protect me and sustain me in everything I do.

Remember, our enemy (the devil) wants to steal our peace and quietness, and he will bring to our mind all the memories of the bad things that have happened or could happen.  Resist him; James 4: 7 says, “Therefore submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”   You will maintain your peace and confidence when you quote the truth of God’s Word and turn your mental focus on God and His faithfulness.  Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep him/her in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You; because he/she trusts in You.”  I can attest to this truth, and I have no anxiety as long as I put my trust in God.

But you may ask, who is God and why should I trust Him or that the Bible is truth?  I know that God is an all-powerful, loving, and all-knowing Spirit who always existed and always will exist.  The Bible is written by God through men for our benefit, so we can know Him and know that we can trust Him.  I have seen many miracles in my life because I chose to trust God, and He was there to protect and provide for me.  I may blog about that some time.

On the flip side, can you be trusted?  Are you faithful?  Do you have integrity?  To learn more about trust read the following page of my book: TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues

Also read my blog post on Anxiety: ANXIETY: Protected by Worry and Fear Strongholds

The following are truth statements to focus on:

It is safe to trust God and do what is good, and He will direct me. Ps. 37:3-5 (Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 4  Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5  Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.)

I can trust God’s faithfulness to be a shield around me as I put my trust in Him, and I will not be afraid. Ps. 91:4 (He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.); 56:4,11 (In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? 11) in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?)

Trust believes the good thing God is doing, and my heart does not need to be troubled, for He is my salvation. John 14:1 (“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.), Isa. 25:9 (“It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”)

I can be trusted, and I am faithful with what God has given me. Lk. 16:10 (“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.)

I can trust and believe that my life has a purpose and that God has a plan for my life, which gives me hope… Jer. 29:11-13 (“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”)

As I trust in God, He is my refuge, and His unfailing love and favor surround me. Ps. 32:10 (“Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.”); 7:1(“O LORD my God, in you do I take refuge; save me from all my pursuers and deliver me,”); 5:12 (“For you bless the righteous, O LORD; you cover him with favor as with a shield.”)

When I trust and believe in Jesus, I will not be disappointed. Rom. 9:33 (“as it is written, “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense; and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.”); I Peter 2:6b (“For it stands in Scripture: “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a cornerstone chosen and precious, and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.”)

I will not put my hope in the uncertainty of riches but in God who richly supplies me with all things to enjoy. I Tim. 6:17-19 (“As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 18  They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, 19  thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.”); Phil 4:19 (“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”)

I am blessed when I trust and hope in the Lord, and I make him my confidence. Jer. 17:7 (“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.”)

What other truth statements and supporting scriptures can you add to this list?

Freedom from the Spirit of Jealousy

Can a spirit control us? I say yes, based on my experience and observation. So, do we have an excuse for atrocious behavior or making wrong choices? No, because we still need to love God, others, and ourselves from a pure heart! So, if we have unloving behavior, then we need to look for the source. 

For example, at a family gathering, I became emotional because I felt discounted and said things I should not have said. I was embarrassed by my reaction, so I asked God to reveal the source of why I became emotional. He showed me I had a spirit of jealousy (Numbers 5:13, 30; Ezekiel 8:3). I discovered that corrupt spirits attach themselves to memories of being offended by unloving actions or unkind words. In my case, God revealed I was jealous of my younger sister. I cannot remember specific memories as I was to young, but I do remember being angry with her our entire childhood.

Being a twin meant I already had to share my parent’s attention and care. Then, thirteen months later, my second sister was born, which meant I had to share my parent’s love and attention with two other needy beings. Unfortunately, my new sister was born with a disorder and was hospitalized often. This meant that she received more attention than I did. Even babies and toddlers can be offended when their perceived needs are not met, especially for love and attention.  Humans have a natural need to love and to be loved. So, because I had to share my parents attention with my two sisters, I understand how I became offended and how the spirit of jealousy attached to my soul. This spirit controlled my reactions when I thought I was being discounted.  Have you ever felt discounted?

Furthermore, on my website (chapter 3 of my book), I describe how I became free from the mental strongholds of injustice and unfairness and how they protected the wrong beliefs and behavior of being impatient. Consider the following, when something unfair happens to us as a result of another person’s advantage over us, then jealousy naturally occurs. As a result, we become resentful towards that person, which displays itself through anger. For example, someone gets VIP treatment because of their high position in the company, and you are sent to the back of the line. Or, someone gets a better parking space because they have more money.  Or, your spouse gives their attention to someone else.  Have you ever experienced this?  The next time you get irritated, ask God why you are getting irritated.  You may have a jealous spirit.  I never thought I had a jealous spirit until God showed it to me.

Thankfully, God is all knowing and knows everything about us, and He alone can reveal repressed memories and unhealthy beliefs.  God showed me I had developed the unhealthy belief that my sister was the favorite and received preferential treatment. Because of my resentment towards my sister’s advantage over me, I mistreated her, which caused her to fight back, which then lead to my punishment. So, I believed I was  being unfairly punished for things she did or instigated, which caused me to resent my sister more. Another unhealthy belief was being unlovable and feeling worthless. Consequently, from early childhood, I tried to earn my parents attention and love by working hard and doing things for them, such as, cleaning the basement and garage. In the same way, doing work for people’s attention and approval carried into my adulthood. Therefore, my sense of worth was based on what I did and what people thought of the quality of my work. I was freed from this mental stronghold as well.  Do you feel you have to please people to get their love and attention and to feel accepted and wanted?  Do you have a sibling you feel was favored, maybe they were a better athlete or had better grades?  Do you have a co-worker that receives more privileges because they are favored by the boss? 

After learning the source of my jealousy, I asked God to lose and remove the memories of being offended (not getting the love and attention I wanted) and to remove the spirit of jealousy from my soul. I then replaced my wrong beliefs with the truth. For example, the truth is my mother did love me, but it was overwhelming to take care of my sick sister. Another reality was the fact that it was not my sister’s will to be sick, she could not help it, and I can show her compassion. Then, I sought forgiveness for my spiteful behavior. Now when I think of the current situation that revealed my jealous spirit, I no longer get upset. You can learn more about how to heal memories and transform unhealthy beliefs with truth by reading my short transformation testimony book on my website, hopeforcompletehealing.com.