Anger – Hope for Complete Healing

Ten Ways to Overcome a Critical Spirit

Where does a Critical Spirit come from? We all tend to see how others can do better or be better, so we feel the need to tell them. This is not bad if it is done in love and received as being loving. Being criticized often feels like being judged. The problem is, we don’t like to be told what is wrong with what we did. When we feel criticized, we feel rejected, and we don’t want to be with the person who criticizes us. Has this ever happened to you? How did it make you feel? How is your relationship with the person who criticized you?

Why Are People Critical?

I was a very critical person for many years. The Lord showed me that I had low self-esteem, so I would criticize others to make myself look better. I had a judgmental stronghold that was built by a critical mother, and I felt like I could never be good enough. The critical spirit is fueled by anger. So the first way to overcome a critical spirit is to work through all the bad memories of when someone criticized you and you felt rejected. First, ask God to show you the earliest memory or strongest memory of when you felt judged or criticized (Psalm 139:23-24). Don’t relive the experience and don’t talk about it. Immediately forgive the person for what they said to you and ask God to release and heal the resentment, rejection, and anger you felt and still feel. Then ask God to remove the spirit attachment to that memory. Next, ask God to show you the next painful memory of criticism, then forgive, release, and remove the attached spirit. To learn more about how and why healing your memories changes your life, read my online book at hopeforcompletehealing.com.

How Do I Change My Heart From Critical to Caring?

The remaining nine ways to overcome a critical spirit are adapted from Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook by June Hunt.

Humble your heart to see your sin and your immense need for God’s mercy. Next, see others’ significance in God’s eyes, and when you criticize them, you hurt God. Pray and ask God to help you show the same grace to others that He shows you (James 4:11 and 2:13)
Put on and practice showing compassion for others (Col. 3:12). Look closely at the life of Christ to learn His compassionate way of confronting the truth. Pray that you will be controlled by Christ’s love for others (1Cor. 16:14 and 1John 4:7) .
Draw out the heartfelt needs of others (Prov. 20:5). Pray that God will give you a discerning spirit as you seek to draw others out and encourage them with what they are doing right.
Offer acceptance to others (Rom. 15:7). Realize that everyone has an innate fear of rejection and a deep yearning for acceptance. Pray and ask God to be a channel through which He extends His grace and values others.
See the God-given worth in others (Luke 12:6-7). Ask God to help you treat every person, especially the one most problematic to you, as someone with God-given worth. And pray that the Lord will not allow you to despise anyone whom He created and loves. If you despise someone, ask God to show you why, forgive them if they have hurt or disappointed you, then ask God to give you mercy toward that person.
Praise the positives in others (Phil. 4:8). Ask God to help you see the positive and right things people are doing, and be thankful. Also, ask Him to help you see others as He sees them and value them as He values them.
Refuse to wound others with words (Col. 3:16 and Eph. 4:29). Prayerfully consider the possibility that what you are criticizing in someone may be something God wants to deal with you about. Before speaking words of criticism, ask a wise friend to evaluate the content and tone of your words. Realize that after critical words are spoken, you can never take them back. If you need to share how someone has hurt you, ask God for the right words as His instrument for good, and pray that the other person will receive what you have to say.
See the unmet needs of others (Phil. 4:19). Instead of judging the inappropriate actions of others, seek to understand the need behind each action. If someone is critical of you, realize that their words reveal that they have unmet inner needs (for love, significance, or security). Realize that people don’t always mean what they say, nor understand their own deepest needs.
Rely on God’s Word and God’s Spirit for wisdom (Heb. 4:12). Memorize James 3:13-18 about what the wisdom from above is and is not. Pray that God’s Spirit will teach you spiritual truths and lead you to speak these truths in love (1Cor. 2:13).

Conclusion:

A criticism begins as a thought, which is in your control. Ask God if it is necessary for you to address the issue; if so, ask God how you should address the issue in love. For example, our church was practicing for the Christmas program. The choir director got mean with the children’s program director. I witnessed it and knew it needed to be addressed because the other person is easily offended. I prayed about how to address the critical words spoken by the choir director and asked God to direct my words. I called her, and when I described what I witnessed, she immediately saw her sin and repented. She called the children’s program director and apologized. The next Sunday morning, she apologized to the whole church. Since that time, I have noticed that she is more careful with her words. But the damage is done.

Jesus explains in His first sermon how we are to act as His followers. Matthew 7:12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Jesus also said in Matthew 22:37-40, “And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38) This is the great and first commandment. 39) And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40) On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’” Let everything you do be done in love. Before you can love others well, you need to fix your love issues. See my page on resolving love issues.

Love From a Pure Heart

How to Respond to Criticism

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All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright-protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book, Unlocking God’s Promises, explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

Additionally, consider my book Fighting Unseen Battles, which describes the many unhealthy beliefs that control our lives and what the truths are. To learn more about this book, read the post How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com and ask for a PDF of Eight Life-Changing Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, the 23rd Psalm, and victory. I will also send you the Lord’s Prayer Model to pray effectively. Please leave your name, so I know you are a real person making the request.

Uncover the lies that are destroying your life.

What lies are you believing about yourself, other people, life, or God? A false or unhealthy belief is a lie about the true nature of reality. For example, if you believe you are not worthy of love, you believe a lie. These lies come from words spoken over us and from memories of offenses done against us. For example, I grew up in a very dysfunctional angry “Christian” home, and I developed many false beliefs about myself, other people, life, and God. I share my story and how I was transformed in more detail in the following post: My Story.

The following nine categories of false, destructive beliefs distort the way we view everything in life.

1. I am unlovable. I am insignificant. I am flawed.

2. I am hopeless. I am worthless. Life is hopeless.

3. Something bad will happen. The future will be like the past. I’m not OK.

4. Something must change right now for me to be OK.

5. People will take advantage of me. People are too sensitive.

6. I am bad. I am not good enough. I am unforgivable.

7. People are out to get me. I must be in control. It’s not fair.

8. People must think well of me for me to be OK.

9. I can’t do it. I am not capable. Others should do it for me. It’s not fair.

The Healing Codes Manual by Loyd and Johnson, p. 55

How suppressed lies cause self-destruction.

We internalize these lies at a subconscious level. And, they cause us to live in self-destructive ways. There are many self-destructive behaviors, such as cutting, alcohol and drug abuse, uncontrollable anger, self-debasing comments, anxiety, etc. The beliefs mentioned above may result in addictions to cover over the painful feelings these false beliefs generate. To learn more about addictions, read my post called Addiction Strongholds. Unhealthy beliefs also create stress in our bodies that lead to illness and disease, which is explained in detail in my book on this website.

How to uncover the lies you are believing.

Do the following to uncover your false beliefs. First, pay attention to your thoughts and reactions and write down strong emotional reactions. Second, ask God to show you the unhealthy belief(s) that is generating your wrong thinking in your reactions. Third, trace backward from negative fruit in your life, and prayerfully ask God to show you the answer to the following question, “what is the root of this fruit?”

Wrong thinking creates negative feelings, which directs unloving, destructive behavior so ask God to show you the link. Also, look for a link to a trauma memory, offense, and word curses because they also create unhealthy belief(s). Some examples of word curses are: “I will probably fail. I will most likely end up in divorce. Nobody likes me. All politicians are evil. A godly person can’t succeed in business.” Have you thought these? He will show you so you can then remove it through prayer and repentance, which I explain how on my website, 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Reading self-help books will also reveal false, unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking. The book called “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey was especially helpful in transforming my wrong thinking. I encourage you to read my adapted summary of the right beliefs and thoughts we should have according to Mr. Covey. Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Read each of the Issues Worksheets to learn about other subconscious unhealthy beliefs we can have and the truth to replace these unhealthy beliefs. LOVE Issues, JOY Issues, PEACE Issues, PATIENCE Issues, KINDNESS Issues, GOODNESS Issues, TRUST AND FAITHFULNESS Issues, MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues, and SELF-CONTROL Issues.

Read, who God is and what you can be thankful for to replace the lies you believe about God and yourself. As you read through each day, write down any thoughts of disagreement or doubt because they indicate a lie you are believing. Read my book on my website to learn how to transform these false beliefs.

If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the links with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

Contact me at hopeforcompletehealing@gmail.com, and ask for a PDF of Eight Prayers from the Bible. The prayers are for the Spirit of wisdom, renewal, spiritual strength, knowledge of His will, virtues of God, non-believers, 23rd Psalm, and victory. Please leave your name so I know you are a real person making the request.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Unanswered Prayer? Doubt or Faith.

Why are some prayers answered, but some are not? The Bible promises in Matthew 21:22, “And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” James 1:6-8 states, “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7) For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord 8) he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

Do you doubt God answers prayer? If yes, then ask God to show you any painful memories of disappointment that is causing you to doubt. Forgive the person who caused the pain or disappointed you, and then ask God to take the resulting resentment. Next, find something to be thankful for concerning that disappointment to transform the memory. Read chapter five of my book called, 5–Finding Painful Memories and Healing Issues.
Are you disappointed because of unanswered prayers? If yes, then ask God to show you what His best is for you and accept His sovereign will for you. Next, mentally submit your plans and requests to God and trust He has a good purpose for your life in His timing. Many of King David’s Psalms reveal his disappointment and submission to God’s sovereignty in his life. See my post called Know Your Purpose? .
Do you feel you are not worthy and that God does not love you? This unhealthy belief is from a painful memory, so let God reveal it and heal it. To understand how this works, read my book on my website.
- Even if you don’t feel God cares, the truth is, He does. 1Peter 5:7 says, “casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” And when you commit your problems to God in faith, you will have peace. Believe that “He causes all things to work together for good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). Do you believe?

Reason Five: Do you doubt God in any way?

First, what is faith?

Hebrews 11:1 states, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” And Romans 8:24 tells us that “For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?” Faith believes God will do what He has promised, so I pray the promises of God over situations in my life.

Matthew 9:29 “Then he touched their eyes, saying, ‘According to your faith, be it done to you.’” This verse is most concerning because what we receive will be according to our faith. So, if we have a little faith then we will get a little. 2Kings 4 tells the story of the widow who met Elisha and asked him how she can pay her debt so that she and her son would not get sold into slavery to pay the debt. When he asked her what she had, she said she only had a jar of oil. He told her to gather as many empty vessels from her neighbor as she could. Then pour the oil she had into those empty vessels. She could have doubted that such a thing could be done, but she gathered all the empty vessels she could find according to her faith. Then she filled every jar from that one jar of oil. The oil stopped when she finished filling all the containers. If she only got a few jars, then that was all the oil she would have gotten. It is the same with our faith. The moral of the story is that faith requires absolute obedience to experience answers to prayer.

Another example of great faith was when Jesus was walking on water, and Peter said in Matthew 14:28, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” Jesus said, “come,” and Peter got out and began to walk on the rough waves towards Jesus. WOW, could your faith be that great? He was doing great until he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the waves. When he realized what he was doing, he became afraid and began to sink. Matthew 14:31 “Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’” The moral of the story; keep your eyes on Jesus, not your circumstances.

Matthew 16:8 states, “But Jesus, aware of this, said, ‘O you of little faith, why are you discussing among yourselves the fact that you have no bread?’” The disciples witnessed Jesus taking five loves of bread and two fish to feed 5000 people, then seven loaves to feed 4000 people. In this verse, the disciples were concerned about not bringing food with them for the journey. Did they forget how Jesus multiplied the food he had to feed thousands of people? The moral of the story; Jesus will do miracles to provide what you need according to your faith.

Matthew 17:20 states, “He said to them, ‘Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.’” In this story, the disciples could not cast out a demon from a young boy. When Jesus cast the demon out, the disciples asked Him why they could not. Now, Jesus does not mean to move a literal mountain; otherwise, there would be no mountains. The mountains represent the impossible things in our lives.

My faith was tested when I needed to find another home for my children and me. My first husband was throwing us out of our home due to the divorce. I prayed for weeks for God to show me where to go, but the only income I had was child support. A friend suggested I start a sewing business. My business provided enough to put food on the table and pay the bills. But I did not make enough money to pay rent in my community. I found a cheap house that needed fixing up. So I went to a banker in my church about getting a mortgage, and he said I could not get a mortgage because I did not have a steady income. I continued to pray, and then God did a miracle and moved my mountain. I got a call that a small bank in another county was willing to give me a small mortgage. WOW!!! I bought the fixer-upper house, and God increased my business so I could pay the mortgage and all my other expenses, plus fix the place up. The moral of the story; God still does miracles and moves mountains to meet our needs.

Mark 5:34 states, “And he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your disease.’” The story behind this verse is of a woman who went to every physician, and they could not help her. Her only hope was for Jesus to heal her, so by faith, she approached Jesus through the crowd of people around Him so she could touch His garment. Jesus felt power leave Him, so He turned to see who had touched Him. She confessed that she touched Him. Her faith brought the healing she hoped for. The moral of the story; faith connects to the power of God. Why are many not healed when they pray by faith and believe God will heal them? Read, How the Devil Causes Trouble and my other posts on why prayers are not answered.

When you doubt, you are not trusting God.

Are you consumed by worry or anger? When we worry and are angry, we doubt God can help us. Our emotions become like the waves of the sea described in James 1:6 because our negative thoughts act as the wind to whip-up our emotions. When we worry, we fear the worst will happen, and we are not trusting in God. Don’t expect He will help you if you are not asking and trusting Him. Philippians 4:6-7 states, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7) And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Anger demands justice and retribution for an unfair wrong done against you. God will patiently wait for you to turn the issue to Him before He acts on your behalf.

Proverbs 3:5-10 explains how to trust God.

5) Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

Does your heart reflect trust?

6) In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Do you acknowledge Him in all your plans?

7) Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8) It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Are you humble? Do you fear God and repent when you sin and do evil?

9) Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; 10) then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine.

Do you tithe?

Conclusion

The greater your faith, the greater the miracles. The greater the doubt, the more you worry and become angry. Faith looks to God in hope and expects Him to provide excellent things. Doubt looks to the distressing circumstances and sees no hope that things can be better. God is waiting for us to come to Him in faith and receive the good things He has for us.

RELATED POSTS:

15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep

Pt. 2: Why You Can and Cannot Trust God?

Unanswered Prayer? Why?

Unanswered Prayer—Are You Connected?

Unanswered Prayer—Are You Presentable?

Yet Another Layoff—How to Rise Above Worry, Anger, Insecurity, and Grief

Tragic news sucks the life out of you, so how do you accept it and move on in hopes of a better future?

I am getting laid off because of the COVID19 pandemic. My husband found out, he is now furloughed with no guarantee he will return to work. Am I concerned, yes. Concern though is another word for worry and fear, but it sounds more sophisticated. Worry and fear are a trap, and when you get caught in it, it’s hard to get free. Grieving and anger are also a trap that keeps you longer than you want, and may even cripple you emotionally and spiritually. Since I have been through two other layoffs, I know God is faithful and will provide for all my needs.

Why does terrible news suck the life out of you?

You can’t help but worry, be fearful of the future, be angry, feel insecure, and grieve the loss. When you receive unpleasant news, your mind goes in every direction but on God’s promises. And if you are like me, you crave consistency, security, and routine. I hate change, especially losing relationships. And if our identity is in what we do, then we will become insecure. Losing a job is humbling, for some, humiliating. Layoffs take a mental, emotional, and physical toll in our lives and sap our strength when our minds focus on negative thinking. It is okay to not be okay when your world is changed. It is natural to grieve a loss or losses and be angry at those who caused your loss. But if you stay there you will lose your life of peace and joy. To change negative thoughts into positive thoughts, do the following three things.

Three positive ways to respond to tragic news.

First, recount God’s past miracles. God was faithful and helped me through many difficult days. My last lay off was no fault on my part but was because my new supervisor did not like me and wanted a staff change. I was devastated because I was the only one working full time and my son would lose his tuition break, plus I carried the health benefits. But God miraculously changed my husband’s job from part-time to full-time by the first day of the semester so my son could get the tuition break and to provide health benefits. Praise the Lord. Now, I need to practice my life verses in 1Theselonians 5:16-18 to “rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.”

Second, forgive those who caused your loss, even if it you are not at fault, you still get angry and offended for one reason or another. I may need to forgive China for not controlling the virus in their country and for letting their citizens fly to other countries to spread the virus, which caused my hardships and resulting layoff. Forgiveness releases the power of the offense you feel and prevents it from controlling your beliefs and actions.

For example, I woke up in the middle of the night ruminating over the fact that the Department Head assured everyone that no one would lose their job and the department is okay financially. She said she cared about everyone in her department and that everyone mattered. So, why am I being laid-off? Did she lie? My husband gently reminded me to forgive her. When I forgave her and took the negative thoughts captive and put them out of my mind, then I could go back to sleep. I woke up the next morning with the thought that I am a child of the King of the Universe. Why do I need to be concerned? John 16:33 Jesus says, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Third, trust God to keep His promises. Promise five of the 15 Promises post is God’s plans for you are for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). I have written many blog posts on keeping your thoughts on the things of God so you can have peace and joy. To be honest, I was taking the anger and worry bait but reminded myself to take my negative thoughts captive and think about those things that are true and good, etc. Read these posts to learn more:

How do you seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness?

Psalm 91:1–How to Dwell in Heaven Now

Being Thankful During Hardships

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Hope will help you get to the other side of awful news?

God wants to give you a future and a hope. 2Chronicles 16:9a tells us, “For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him.” God wants to support us through the sad times, but we have to trust and obey Him. Also, an often-quoted verse that comforts us during hard times is Romans 8:28. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” When we put our hope in God’s promises and purpose, then we will have strength, peace, and joy. The Webster dictionary says hope is a feeling that what is wanted will happen; desire accompanied by anticipation or expectation. Hope in God’s promises. The Bible says faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (see Hebrews 11:1). I have written a post on hope that goes well with this post, you can read it here and Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory.

Conclusion:

You can choose to think negative thoughts and allow awful news to suck the life out of you, or you can turn your thoughts toward the promises of God and have peace and joy. There is hope only in God’s promises. Choose a promise and hold on to it and remind yourself of it and stay in peace and joy. When I was going through my divorce I held onto the promises in Isaiah 61:7, “Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy. ” God fulfilled this promise in my life. He will be faithful to his promises you hope in as well.

Photo by nikko macaspac

If you find my posts and website helpful, then please share the link to my post and website with your friends and family, hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected and no part of the posts or my book may be reproduced without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom.

P.S.: Experiencing lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

RELATED POSTS

How the Devil Causes Hardships

How We Know God Will Never Forsake Us?

HOW FEAR CONTROLS YOU!

How to Embrace the Challenge of Change with Grace

CAUTION – HOW TO GET OUT OF THE PIT

Pt. 2: Why You Can and Cannot Trust God?

How do you seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness?

Can You Be Too Heavenly Minded?

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

How Patience is a Sign of Maturity

Did you pray for patience, then went through difficulties? Or, do frustrating things happen all the time, but now you realize you need more patience? So, why is patience so hard and why do difficulties increase patience? You can determine your level of patience by making a note of how you react to other drivers on the road. I was over-reactive and impatient with everyone, including myself. And driving was very stressful for me. This post explains why you can’t be patient, why you should be patient, and how you can be patient.

I learned that mature people are patient because they are not self-centered. They know that getting upset when something doesn’t go as planned does not change anything, except create stress. And mature people understand life is not fair so they accept it and choose to live in peace.

When we can’t be patient.

You can’t be patient when you believe something is unfair, especially when suffering an unjust wrong. Can you remember a time when you protested that something was unfair? When you felt this, you developed an offense to the unfair treatment or event. It could be a discipline you felt was unfair, the death of someone close to you, not getting what you asked for, etc. That offense created a painful memory you may have forgotten about. The painful memory still exists and has created unhealthy beliefs that cause you to over-react or become frustrated and irritated when an event happens that triggers unhealthy beliefs. To heal those painful memories, read my short book on my website: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories
You can’t be patient when you are not at peace with yourself or others because you are offended. Read: Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory
You can’t be patient if you are self-centered? Pride thwarts patience because pride wants to be in control of what happens. Prideful people do not think they have to wait, be inconvenienced, or endure hardships. Read my posts on pride to learn more: The Core Negative Heart Issue and HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

Why be Patient?

Be patient to reduce stress in your life and stress in those around you. Have you been around an impatient person? Did you feel stress? For example, waiting in a long line or waiting in a traffic jam can test your patience. If you get upset and frustrated, will that help the line move faster? No, it only increases your blood pressure and the blood pressure of those waiting in the same line. Stress causes health problems in you and the surrounding people.
Be patient and hopeful and do not worry because you know God will act on your behalf and do miracles. When you get impatient because something is not happening fast enough, you become anxious, which causes physiological stress that then affects your health.
Be patient and eliminate strife. When you are not patient, you will say and do unkind things. Read: Relationship and World Changing Kindness
Be patient because love is patient (see 1Corinthians 13:4). When you are patient with other people, it shows you love them. God tells us to love others as Jesus loves them and as we would want them to love us. Ephesians 4:2 states, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,” Notice, being patient means we bear with others. When you bear with others, you are self-controlled when subjected to annoyance or provocation, which requires humility and gentleness. Read my posts on self-control to learn more: Self-control and Maturity and How to be Self-controlled in What We Say
Patience is the fruit of the Spirit. Therefore, patience is a sign of a mature Christian who yields to the work of the Holy Spirit through the trials and hardships of life. Thankfulness is evidence of patience. Read: Being Thankful During Hardships
Be patient because Jesus is patient. 1Timothy 1:16 states, “But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” So, we too are called to be patient (see Romans 12:12; 1Theselonians 5:14; James 5:7; and James 5:8 states, “You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.”

How to be Patient.

Webster defines being patient as the bearing (enduring) of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, or irritation. Are you patient according to this definition? If not, go through the Patience Issues Worksheet and the chapter called “Finding Painful Memories” to heal the painful memories and unhealthy beliefs, so you can be mature and patient.
Acknowledge you are prideful and ask God to take it from you and then give you His humility and gentleness towards other people’s issues. Work through MEEKNESS, HUMILITY, AND GENTLENESS Issues
Do you have a hard time waiting? Hope helps you wait with patience. Romans 8:25 states, “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” Romans 12:12 states, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulations, and be constant in prayer.” Doing this will help you wait with patience.
Ask God to show you the painful memories of offenses of when people were not patient with you or you were not patient. Then go through the healing described in “5 Steps to Heal the Soul.” Painful memories and unhealthy beliefs prevent the fruit of patience from manifesting in your life. As I have healed the painful memories of unfair treatments and disappointments, I have been much more patient and calmer than ever before. Since my painful memories were healed, I have stopped over-reacting and being controlled by my emotions.
Put on patience and love. Colossians 3:12&13 states, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Slowly, read this verse again. You are chosen. You are holy. You are beloved. Another sign of patience is forgiving someone when you feel offended. If this is hard for you to do read: WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE
You develop patience by going through hardships, to become strong and complete. James 1:3-5 states, “for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness (patience, endurance). 4) And let steadfastness (patience) have its full effect (perfect work), that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Conclusion

You don’t want to pray for patience, but developing patience is necessary to be mature and complete. To become patient, you practice being patient during difficult and trying circumstances. Just like you have to practice an instrument or a sport to be good at it. Practicing is hard work and often not pleasant.

You also need to put off pride and painful memories so the fruit of the spirit of patience can grow in your life. Just like getting the rocks and weeds out of your garden allows your flowers and vegetables to grow. Last, you are to be patient because Jesus is patient with you. Having peace, being forgiving, and being kind is the evidence of being patient.

I would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment.

RELATED POSTS:

7 Ways to Suffer Well: (Part 1)

Example of Suffering Well and God’s Response: Part 2 of Suffering Well

Patience — Freedom from Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness

If you find this website helpful, you will benefit from the latest book. You can order Breaking Mental Strongholds on Amazon.

Also, check out my book called Fighting Unseen Battles on Amazon. I would love to hear what you think. To learn more about my book, read: How to Fight Unseen Battles.

Pt. 1: Forsaken? Betrayed? How to Trust Again.

Have you been betrayed by someone you thought you could trust? Have you experienced being forsaken by someone you love? I have. God is the only one who will always be faithful and loyal to you, then your dog and maybe UPS delivery would be next.

I am offended by those who disregarded me, so how can I trust again? You are disregarded when you are ignored, neglected, and not treated with respect. I will share later how to take those thoughts captive, so you are no longer controlled by the offenses. Each offense is like a brick in a wall. You build the wall with one offense after another to protect your heart from being hurt and disappointed again. The wall also keeps you from experiencing the benefits of trusting and loving other people. When you don’t trust you will live in fear that something bad will happen to you. Fear erodes your relationships. So, in this post, I will explain how to tear down your wall, one offense at a time so you can live in freedom and have peace and joy. See my last post for an explanation of how to have peace and joy all the time in your life. How to experience a heavenly life on earth.

For example, I trusted my father to love and cherish me, but he abused me then forsook me at 15 when he left and never contacted me again. I trusted my mother to nurture and affirm me, but she was angry and dismissive. I trusted my sisters to have my back and support me, but they were angry, violent, and self-centered. I trusted my friends at school to be loyal and encouraging, but they humiliated me. I trusted teachers and church leaders to protect me, but they looked the other way. I trusted my first husband to love and protect me, but he abused me instead. Everyone has a story of betrayal and why they can’t trust. Maybe a spouse had an affair. A co-worker lied and gossiped about you. A boss or supervisor harassed you and did not like you. The painful memories of being forsaken control how you respond to those around you today. Because of the antitrust wall around my heart, I could not give warmth and love to my family and friends.

Every human will fail you at one point or another because we all are sinners who fall short. You will fail someone who trusted you. Maybe you can’t be trusted because of the things you have done to hurt those around you. You may not have been faithful to protect the ones you were supposed to love. God wants to make you whole and trustworthy again. I will explain how to have hope for the restoration of your relationships. But first, you must STOP discounting yourself by reducing your value and thinking you don’t deserve better. You are valuable to God, and He wants to restore you and prosper you (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:17-18).

Do you have unrealistic expectations of the people in your life? Maybe you have unstated expectations, and you think they should know, so you wonder why they let you down. You may have specified your expectations, but the other person has not agreed to do what you expect. Unmet expectations lead to frustration, anger, and feeling disregarded, which then create painful memories. You then believe the person cannot be trusted, so you close your heart to them and everyone else. Is this something you can relate to? Read my short book to learn how to heal these painful memories: 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories

Trust issues affect every living soul, and the painful memories need to be healed for the fruit of trust and faithfulness to grow in your life through the Holy Spirit. Only God can heal your heart and memories, so first, ask God to remove your pride and any deceptive spirits from you. I ask God to remove my pride because it always justifies why I shouldn’t trust and why I should be offended. Then, I ask God to remove deceptive spirits because they will convince you that you don’t have a problem and it is no big deal. Next, ask God to show you if you have the following unhealthy beliefs or something similar:

I cannot trust; no one can be trusted
I am awful; I have done awful things and thought awful thoughts. I can’t trust in anything except the coming punishment that I deserve.
I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.
I can’t trust anyone after what I have experienced, after what I have done, and after what I have seen.
If I trust that things will work out and get better, then the coming pain is just that much more upsetting.
I trust what I have in my own hands, in my bank account, what I own, and what I control.
It is better to realize that everyone is out for himself, including me.
I am trustworthy. The only time I do bad things is when it’s justified.

Write down the unhealthy beliefs you have relating to your trust issues. They may be some of the ones above or they may be different. Next, ask God to show you the painful memory or memories that created the unhealthy belief. Identify the vows you have made. For example, I vowed to never trust a man because they are self-centered. But, guess what, I was self-centered too. Go through the following prayer model to remove the offenses and the related unhealthy beliefs/vows.

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the contributors for each issue (problem, concern) such as the painful memory or memories of painful experiences or sin.

- Painful experiences could be from a trauma, a word curse, unmet expectations, betrayal, poor choices, or rejection.
- You may get an answer right away or you may have to wait a few days.
- Be conscious of the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking within your soul.
- All painful memories have a negative stress-energy that needs to be removed from your mind and cells of your body.
- Sin has negative spirit attachments that need to be removed by putting them off in Jesus’ name (see John 14:13 and 16:24).
- Sin is anything you do that is not loving and valuing others or loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.

Forgive those who sinned against you including yourself if necessary (see Matthew 6:14:15, Colossians 3:13, and Ephesians 4:32). WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE

- The first step in trusting others is forgiving those who broke your trust because we are all sinners in need of a savior and forgiveness.
- When you forgive, it breaks the power the offense has on your mind.
- Do not dwell on the painful memories but be quick to forgive, though you may need to grieve a loss, which is healing.
- Forgiveness releases you from the emotional control of the painful memories contributing to the issue needing healing.
- If you have a hard time forgiving, ask God to give you His grace to forgive others for their sins against you as He has forgiven your sins (see Matthew 6:12-15).

PRAY: “Dear Lord, I forgive (name of the person or persons) for causing the pain of __________.”

Replace unhealthy beliefs with truth.

- Write down the lies or unhealthy beliefs the Holy Spirit reveals that are associated with the heart issue needing transforming by the truth.
- Next, write the truths to replace the unhealthy beliefs.
- For example, you may believe, “I don’t know what it means to feel trust and probably never will.” Replace this lie with this truth, “I can trust those who are trustworthy but understand they could let me down. I know I can trust God and He will help me to forgive and be patient with those who let me down including myself.”
- To understand how to use your authority in prayer read; Four Reasons for Authority in Prayer

PRAY: “Dear Lord, I loose the unhealthy belief of __________, and bind in the truth that ________, in Jesus’ name.”

Repent of sins.

- List the sins you committed because of your wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs and decisions related to the issue needing healing.
- Confess them to God and ask His forgiveness and to take all your guilt and resentment away (see 1 John 1:9) in Jesus’ name.

Last, write out a thank you to God for something He did to protect, provide for, or comfort you. For painful memories to heal, they need to be replaced by a positive memory.

There is hope for complete healing of trust as you tear down the wall around your heart by taking each brick of offense out of the wall. Choose to love others well knowing they are hurting people with walls and may choose to reject you. Jesus was rejected and still is.

Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People

Being Thankful During Hardships

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

The Core Negative Heart Issue

WHY HEAL YOUR HEART AND PURIFY YOUR SOUL?

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

Healthy Boundaries for Toxic Emotions and People

What is a toxic person? The answer is simple, a toxic person is someone who has no control over their emotions and thoughts. This person is controlled by subconscious painful memories. You do not have to be fearful of out-of-control people but put your trust in God. The Bible says, God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind (see 1 Timothy 1:7). In this post, you will learn how to have power, love, and a sound mind so you can establish healthy boundaries. In my last post, I shared a study that described how felt love improves your well-being. Read it here: Are Your Relationships Improving Your Well-Being?. Being around negative, angry, fearful, and insecure people wear down your well-being.

You can find many articles on how to set-up boundaries for out-of-control people, so I won’t teach that here. I recommend the book called Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud, which I read when I was married to an abusive ex-husband. The instructions in the Boundaries book was very helpful, but I couldn’t set healthy boundaries because I was toxic and out of control myself. Then I read a book called Why Should I Be the First to Change? by Chuck and Nancy Missler, which transformed my victim mentality. In this post, you will learn why and how to change yourself before you can set healthy boundaries.

Have healthy beliefs about yourself so you can set healthy boundaries.
Love and respect yourself so you will maintain boundaries.
Apply the truths in God’s Word to heal your toxic emotions and your toxic relationships.

You cannot change how a person behaves, you can only change yourself. As you change, your unhealthy beliefs, then you can set healthy boundaries on the destructive behavior of others. Boundaries identify the problem, consequences, and the way to reconciliation. Boundaries help the emotionally unhealthy person see their need to change. You can pray for God to intervene and change the person, but God cannot change a person’s will if they do not want to surrender their lives to Him and do what the Bible says. Romans 8:7 tells us, “For the mind that is set on the flesh (sin and pleasing yourself) is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law (love); indeed, it cannot.” God’s law is love: Romans 13:10 states, “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” And, Galatians 5:14 states, “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.‘” (Also, read James 2:8.) Toxic people are focused on their on sinful, selfish desires and cannot love others well.

1. First, you must have healthy beliefs about yourself so you can set healthy boundaries.

Understand why you were attracted to a destructive person. For me, I grew up in an abusive home and had no sense of self-worth and no sense of how a healthy person thinks. When I first went to a psychologist who understood abuse and the damage it does to the soul, I learned I had an unhealthy belief that I did not deserve to be loved. And, because I did not love myself, I felt I deserved the abuse. I believed I needed to try harder. But I couldn’t because I was a toxic person as well. As a Christian, I saw my relationships were not loving according to the Bible. The Bible tells us the kind of love we are to have in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (ESV).” Does your life or relationships reflect this kind of healthy love?

Painful memories cause people to be toxic. Painful memories generate unhealthy beliefs and wrong thinking, which shows in what we say and do. To be a healthy, loving person, you need to heal your painful memories and develop healthy beliefs about yourself, others, and even God. As your memories are healed, oppressive spirits are removed, and unhealthy beliefs are transformed by Biblical truth, then you can set healthy boundaries on your behavior and other’s behavior. I explain how to do this in my short book called, Hope for Complete Healing.

2. Love and respect yourself so you will maintain boundaries.

When I began to receive the love of God and learn to love myself, I began to see myself as valuable. I knew I needed to respect myself, but I couldn’t. So, I began to practice putting boundaries on my thoughts and emotions. But because I relied on my will-power, these boundaries only worked to a limited extent. Lasting change came when I healed my painful memories and transformed unhealthy beliefs. Desiring to love and respect myself forced me to seek God to show me my painful memories and to heal them. The Bible says I need to forgive those who sin against me as God has forgiven me. So, as I continued to forgive the unkind people in my life and focused on the things I could be thankful for, I felt peace and joy. When I saw the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, trust, and self-control in my life, then I could respect myself.

The following quote from Eleanore Roosevelt helped me in a hostile work environment, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Meaning, I can choose not to feel inferior by those who do not respect me and say unkind things. My psychologist explained that the things my ex-husband was saying about me did not represent the truth or reality. This helped me to not internalize the unkind things my ex-husband said to me. I was able to set a healthy boundary around my heart to not internalize unkind words and actions.

3. Apply the truths in God’s Word to heal your toxic emotions and toxic relationships.

Knowing Biblical truths, help you identify the problem and explain why you must set boundaries. Let the toxic person know you value them and the relationship. The person may get angry or anxious and will try to manipulate you or make you feel guilty, but don’t be afraid. Depending on God to help you is the only way to have the power to set boundaries and see lasting change. Be accountable to an older person who knows the truth of God’s Word and is secure enough to point out your wrong thinking.

Recently, I had to establish a separation boundary with a person I thought was my friend but who did not respect or honor me. This was hard to do because I thought I could help her. Helping hurting people is not a bad thing if they submit to God’s work in their hearts and minds and obey Him. Feeling the need to support and be loyal to unloving people makes a person co-dependent to that person. You can read many articles about co-dependency, so I will not cover that hot topic.

You can read how I trusted the promises of God during my divorce and custody battle in the post called Trust God to Keep His Promises.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

OTHER RELATED POSTS:

How to be Self-controlled in What We Say (updated)

Relationship and World Changing Kindness

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul

WORDS HAVE POWER—PART II: Words Produce Death or Life Energy

Being Thankful During Hardships

How does being thankful help me? No one can escape hardships, it is part of living in an imperfect world. We can’t choose our hardships either, but we can choose how we respond. Viktor Frankl, a Nazi concentration camp survivor, wrote a book called Man’s Search for Meaning. The following is a quote, “Even in the degradation and abject misery of a concentration camp, Frankl was able to exercise the most important freedom of all – the freedom to determine one’s own attitude and spiritual well-being. No sadistic Nazi SS guard was able to take that away from him or control the inner-life of Frankl’s soul.” Though your hardship may not compare to torture in a concentration camp, hardships cause you to focus on your loss, which causes stress on your mind and body. I must admit, it is hard to be thankful if you are in an abusive relationship. I will write more concerning this in the next post. Please understand, Satan wants you to stay focused on your hardship and bring destruction in your life (see John 10:10). To learn more, read: Four Realities of the Spirit World

No matter the hardship, we can be thankful for something. Being thankful is an inner-life attitude that determines if we rise above our problems or sink deeper into despair. You see, it is God’s will for you to be thankful in all circumstances (see 1Thes. 5:18 and Eph. 5:20). If you find it hard to be thankful, call out to God for help (see Hebrews 4:14-16). If you want to experience peace amid your hardship, then do what the Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:6,7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” When I am thankful for God’s love, provision, mercy, and grace and trust Him to take care of my problems, I feel peace and joy. When I focus on my negative thoughts, I became anxious and stressed again. The Bible says God gives us hope, Romans 15:13 states, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Also, peace and joy remove the effects of stress in our bodies and minds.

Hardships are the main cause of offenses and resentments, which come from wrong thoughts of unfairness. If you don’t capture and loose these wrong thoughts, they will generate negative feelings and your negative feelings will produce false beliefs, which then direct destructive behaviors like anger fits, drinking, doing drugs, hurting others or yourself, depression, etc. Being thankful transforms wrong thoughts and results in peace and joy despite the hardship. I heard from a missionary to China, that the Christian Chinese people are joyful despite their hardships when many times everything is taken from them and they are put in jail.

During my job loss, I focused on God’s goodness, faithfulness, loving-kindness, and how He will cause all things to work together for my good. Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Abuse and loss through death are different because that involves a loss of love, which I will cover in the next post. Being thankful and focused on God and not your loss will fill you with peace and joy. Read my story in Trust God to Keep His Promises and how I experienced many miracles despite my loss in divorce.

So, what can we be thankful for? You can begin with the following 15 promises. To learn more about each promise read 15 Promises We Can Trust God to Keep.

We are saved from sin and death and have the hope of eternal life.
God forgives all your sins and cleanses you from all unrighteousness when you confess your sin.
God will never leave you nor forsake you because He loves you.
You are more than a conqueror through Christ who loves you, and nothing will separate you from His love.
God’s plans for you are for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
God will cause all things to work together for good according to His purpose for those that love Him.
God will supply all your needs according to His riches.
When we come to God and do what He says, we will dwell secure and will find rest, without the dread of disaster.
God is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability to bear it. With the temptation, He will provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
God gives power and strength and helps us when we trust Him.
God is doing a new thing in your life, and He will make a way where there is no way.
God’s peace will guard your heart and your mind when you trust Him in every situation and pray with thanksgiving as you present your requests to Him.
If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us and if we know He hears us in whatever we ask; we know we have the requests we have asked of Him.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Practice makes perfect. Practice being thankful every day so when hardships come you can be thankful and not let the hardship steal your peace and joy.

P.S.: Experiencing a lasting change in your life depends on having a right relationship with God the Father through believing in His Son Jesus Christ and obeying His command to love (1 John 3).

RELATED POSTS:

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Why, What, and How to Submit to God and be FREE

Victorious Thinking to Live a Successful Life

Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

ALL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN OUR CONTROL

Identify and Replace False Beliefs

The Link Between Disappointment, Resentment, and Self-control

We are told to be self-controlled and disciplined. But why can’t we? What blocks us from being self-controlled and disciplined? As I pondered this question and reflected on my own self-control issues, God showed me it is because of my pride and resentment.

In the last post, I wrote of our need to give up childish thinking, which includes childhood resentments. So, how do we know if our thinking is childish? Children are emotionally reactive when they don’t get what they want. In fact, we are born with a prideful, self-centered, sin nature, that causes us to focus on our own wants and needs. To have a base understand for this post please read my last post Self-control and Maturity

What does healthy emotional self-control look like?

People who have emotional self-control do not over-react, but are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (see James 1:19). In the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey, he describes what it means to be a principle-centered person and not reactive. Instead of being reactive self-controlled people are proactive. Principle-centered people stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on them, and they evaluate the options.

Besides the Bible, this book was the next best book to helped me transform my wrong thinking and unhealthy beliefs. Covey’s book describes how a healthy person should think and act. I wrote thought transforming truth statements for each chapter of Covey’s book and put them on my website called, Healthy Thinking and Behaving from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

What is resentment and how do we develop it?

The dictionary defines resent as feeling or showing displeasure and indignation at (some act, remark, insult, etc.) or toward a person, from a sense of being injured or offended. A person who has resentment will show anger and ill will for any real or perceived wrong or injury, which they believe is unfair. If you remain resentful, you will become bitter, which will keep you self-focused and prevent you from maturing. The dictionary defines bitter as causing or showing sorrow, discomfort, or pain, and bitterness is feeling or showing hate or resentment. When people are prevented from getting what they want, they will show anger and resentment in how they respond. Resentment will control your reactions when triggered, as I explain later in this post.

Watch how you react to disappointment.

When we become depressed and pouty, or angry and unkind, it is because we have become offended by a disappointment. Disappointment creates an offense when there is a real or perceived sense of unfairness, and you feel wounded. Dealing with disappointment in a healthy way will prevent becoming offended and resentful. So, if you currently become offended by disappointment when someone or something does not do what you want, it shows self-centered immaturity. To learn more, read #1 Destroyer of All Relationships and the Solution.

I recommend the following actions to handle disappointment in a healthy way. First, capture (acknowledge) offended thoughts. Offended thoughts are evident when you do not feel peace and joy. Once you acknowledge you are offended, then ask what disappointed me? Next, forgive the person who has disappointed you or accept the situation you are disappointed by.

For example, if you did not get a raise, or was demoted. You may feel disappointed or you may feel it was unfair and become offended and resentful. If you were honest, you will first feel depressed, angry, and resentful, which is very destructive. Remove yourself from the emotional response and seek to understand and learn why, then either develop a plan to do better, or accept it and move on to another job you can excel at.

A personal example. I was disappointed when my husband could not help me with a garden project that I wanted to get done that day. It so happened, my husband had lost his driver’s license, so he was focused on finding his license, then getting it replaced. Instead of understanding his situation, I became offended and let wrong thoughts control my emotions and spoke hurtful things in revenge for disappointing me. I know I am not the only one with this problem, and therefore, I am writing about self-control right now.

I began to capture my wrong thinking and loose them from my mind, next, I asked God’s forgiveness, and then replaced my wrong thoughts with truthful thoughts of thankfulness, see my post A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER. But I did not gain full self-controlled until I accepted my disappointment and loosed the false beliefs concerning my husband that controlled my destructive behavior. I have a great husband and I should be thankful. I repented and asked my husband for forgiveness. My husband put Proverbs 25:18 on the bathroom mirror, and I have been pondering that verse ever since. To understand how false beliefs control our emotions, read UNHEALTHY BELIEFS: What are they and where do they come from?

God showed me how my wrong thoughts were created by painful memories of resentment. When I was a teen, my mother made my sisters and me do all the chores, including laundry, cooking, and hand-washing dishes for five people. I developed resentment because I perceived my sisters did not do their part, and I felt this was unfair and became resentful. My mother had just divorced my father, and went off to college, so she was focused on getting her education and did not help either. I never saw my father again, which created a host of issues. So, I did not have parental guidance to learn how to handle disappointments and the resulting resentment.

I went through the five steps to heal my heart and purify my soul to heal these resentments. See; Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. God also showed me I had current resentment toward my husband for not meeting other expectations when I needed help. I took those resentful thoughts captive and loosed them and then asked God to forgive me and asked my husband to forgive me.

Put away resentments so you can mature.

The bible says in Ephesians 4:31,32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” To put something away is to no longer be emotionally invested in the negative or painful memory. Putting away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice involves asking God to reveal painful childhood memories that caused you to become resentful of a real or perceived wrong done to you. Many adults have subconscious bitterness that keep them stuck in self-focused childish thinking. To find these subconscious memories, begin reading my book here 1–Healing Begins by Transforming Painful Memories to understanding the why and how for healing past issues to mature and love well.

After you put away any wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice from your heart, then bind in kindness and forgiveness to your heart. See my post called; Relationship and World Changing Kindness and WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE.

There is hope for maturity and self-control as we put off resentfulness from disappointments we perceived as unfair. When we put off resentfulness and accept disappointment then we can be self-controlled.

Related Posts:

SELF-CONTROL Issues

HOW PRIDE DESTROYS

The Core Negative Heart Issue

Patience — Freedom from Strongholds of Injustice and Unfairness

Hope for Lasting Peace, Love, and Victory

Anger Issues Protected by Pride and Judgmental Strongholds

All verses are from the English Standard Version. If you find my posts and website helpful, please share this link with your friends and family: hopeforcompletehealing.com. The information is copyright protected. Please do not reproduce any part of the posts or my book without proper citation to Joyce Hanscom and this website.

My latest book is Unlocking God’s Promises, which explains 18 categories of promises that are relevant to each of our lives. It also includes the promises in Psalm 91.

If you find this website helpful, you would like to read Breaking Mental Strongholds, which expands on my website book and includes many of my posts.

A POWERFUL MOOD CHANGER

Do you wake-up grumpy or maybe dread going to work? Are you upset by what people do? Are you depressed and worried? Do you want to be joyful and positive? Our mood reflects the level we are offended by unmet expectations. The more offended we are the more despaired or angry our mood is. You may have a good reason to be upset, like when you go through an ugly fight, a divorce, or job loss. I’ve been there, I know. But, allowing those negative thoughts to control your life is not healthy, nor is it good for other relationships. The number one way to change your negative thoughts and negative mood is to be thankful.

You may be thinking, no way, I can’t do that. Being thankful may be hard and sometimes impossible but with God all things are possible. Jesus said in Matthew 19:26, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Also read Mark 9:23 and Mark 10:27. And, 2Corinthians 15:57 states, “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Also read 2Corinthians 2:14.

How thankfulness changes a negative mood

When someone says thank you or doesn’t say thank you, how does that make you feel? If someone sends you a thank-you card, or you send a thank-you card. Do you feel positive or negative? The act of being thankful takes the focus off yourself and onto something positive. Have you noticed the more you focus on yourself, the more miserable you feel? My last post describes how sub-conscious negative thoughts affect our relationships and how to change your relationships and the world with one simple act. You can read it here if you haven’t read it yet: Relationship and World Changing Kindness

I was a depressed, miserable, angry, anxious person for a long time before I discovered the power of forgiveness, transforming painful memories, and being thankful. I discovered in my research that every thought has a life energy (positive) and a death energy (negative). Being thankful transforms a negative mindset into a positive mindset. A positive mindset makes you feel happy and at peace with yourself and your world. It is amazing how powerful thankfulness is in your life or circumstance. Being thankful is difficult to do at times because we tend to gravitate toward misery and resentment for some strange reason. I struggled being thankful my whole life.

What prevents a thankful heart?

First, PRIDE prevents us from being thankful people because a prideful person is only focused on getting their needs and expectations met! I was so focused on myself and having my expectations met, I couldn’t be thankful. Not appreciating the things my husband did put a strain on our marriage. Every person wants to be appreciated. I wrote about how I became free from this roadblock to happiness in my blog called The Core Negative Heart Issue.

Second, painful memories prevent a thankful heart. Conscious and sub-conscious painful memories dictate our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, behaviors, and destiny. Read the following post to learn more: HOW MEMORIES INFLUENCE OUR THINKING, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR. Growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional home created a host of negative issues in my life. Read my post on how I transformed these painful memories: WHAT IS INNER LIFE TRANSFORMATION? My Story. I also wrote a post on how I overcame the negative effects of a sadistic divorce and job loss: Trust God to Keep His Promises.

And third, unforgiveness keeps our mind focused on the negative, hurtful action that offended us and prevents us from being thankful. To learn why and how to forgive read: WHY MUST I FORGIVE.

How to be thankful

My husband heard we should think of two things we can be thankful for when annoyed or frustrated. Thinking a thankful thought instantly changes a negative mood. Try it. Think of something that is irritating you right now. Now think of two things related to the situation you can be thankful for. For example, if you are having issues with your co-worker. Think of two positive things about your co-worker and think thankful thoughts about those positives. Keep in mind, everyone has negative issues and trash thoughts that spills out of their mouth, that comes from painful memories or focusing on self-interests. If slow traffic annoys you, be thankful you don’t have to walk, you are comfortable, and you have extra time to pray and worship God. Upset with your partner? Find two to three positive traits or actions and be thankful for them.

(Take a few minutes and try this exercise.) How do you feel? Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself to be thankful and for what.

Be sure to tell your partner or co-worker what the positive things you are thankful for in them. Telling someone what you are thankful for will powerfully and positively change attitudes. For a while my husband and I kept a little note pad around and we randomly wrote thankful or kind things about the other person. It was so much fun to see what my husband wrote, and I enjoyed writing thankful and kind things about him. It powerfully and positively changed our marriage. Try it. It was recommended to keep the thankfulness notepad in the bathroom, so they can read it before going to bed.

Scriptural command to be thankful

The following are Scripture texts commanding us to be thankful and give thanks. Remember, when you disobey God’s commands, you are in sin and will suffer the consequences of unthankfulness, which allows misery and despair. God knew focusing only on ourselves was self-destructive. He commands us to be thankful so we can experience joy and peace.

Ephesians 5:20-21 state, “Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21) submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” How would your life, marriage/partnership, friendships, and work environment change if you gave thanks all the time and for everything? 1Theselonians 5:18 states, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Giving thanks in all circumstances is difficult, especially if you are diagnosed with cancer. The people who can find something to thank God for, are the most content and joyful people. I heard a missionary to China say how joyful the Chinese Christians are despite risking the loss of their homes and being put in prison.

Ephesians 5:4 states, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” Does the conversation at your family get-togethers digresses into gossip, foolish talk, and so on? Next time, ask them what they are thankful for. Other ways you can prompt wholesome conversations can be found in this post: Thoughts That Create Peace Within and Without

Philippians 4:6 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” When I am thankful for God’s love, provision, mercy, and grace and trust Him to take care of my problems, I feel peace and joy. When I begin to focus on the negative issue, I became anxious and stressed again.

Colossians 3:15, 16 “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16) Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” When I memorize Scripture, then I can teach and encourage others, and I can use those Scriptures to give thanks in my prayers. See my post on the things we can thank God for in Psalms 103: County Jail Study on Psalms 103. Also read, Who God is — Daily A-C-T-S Prayers . Colossians 4:2 also states, “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.”

The Old Testament gives us other reasons to give thanks to God:

1Chronicals 16:34 “Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!” (Also see, 1Chronicals 16:41; 2Chronicals 7:3,6; 20:21, Ezra 3:11; Psalm 106:1; 107:1,8; 118:1,29; 136:1-3.)

Psalm 9:1 A Psalm of David. “I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” (Also see Psalm 86:12; Psalm 105:1.) Many times, I was so angry with a situation that the only thing I could be thankful for was the wonderful things God did for me in the past and will do in my current situation. By keeping my mind focused on Him, I was not focused on the negative situation or circumstance.

Psalm 116:17 “I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.” (Also see Ps. 50:14, 23; 107:22; Amos 4:5.) Sometimes we must give a sacrifice of thanksgiving even when we don’t feel like it. God is pleased with this sacrifice and will give you joy instead of misery.

Conclusion

Thankfulness is like guardrails that prevents your car from going over a cliff. So, thankfulness prevents your mind from crashing down the cliff of despair. Now, God commands us to be thankful so when we are not, we sin. Ask Him to help you be thankful when it is hard, and He will help you. You can be more than a conquer over negative issues in your life (see Romans 8:31-39), these verses also produce a thankful heart.

I wrote a short book called “Hope for Complete Healing.” I describe how to transform negative issues in your life by taking the offending thoughts captive and loosing them from your mind. Then to transform the associated negative, painful memories with truth to render them powerless. Transforming painful memories involves thankfulness to change negative thoughts into positive thoughts. I describe this process in my book and in this blog post: Five Steps to Heal Your Heart and Purify Your Soul. I made this book available on my website and I can send you a paper copy. If you want me to send a copy of my booklet, please contact me and let me know.

There is hope to change a negative mood into a positive mood through thankfulness.